#4000. Tayvis

Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce got married this weekend in a star-studded wedding held at Madison Square Garden.

Step aside Bennifer.  Move out of the way Brangelina.  Fuck Kimye.

Congratulations Tayvis!  Let's give 'em a Golden Toilet Trophy.  

Not to be confused with the FIFA World Cup Trophy. 

In other news, I couldn't feel sorrier for the U.S. Men's National Team.  Just when the entire world is taking this team seriously, the Orange Prolapse steps in.  And gets FIFA President Gianna Infantino to overturn a crucial, one-game red card suspension.

I'm so sickened it makes me wanna cheer on Belgium.  Or at a bare minimum, steer neutral or indifferent.  If they win, I hope the Belgian waffles dedicate their victory to Trump.  However it all transpires... win or lose, advance or stay home, this is the most pathetic scenario I've ever witnessed in 3 decades of being a devoted soccer fan.  

Though truth be told, I always root for England.  I knew last night's game would be a "formidable cracker," but it easily exceeded my expectations.  Surprised the 3 Lions pulled if off in the Azteca altitude.  Even though they were slight favorites, I honestly didn't see it coming.

Up next for England?

Norway, Erling Haaland...

and his anti-mullet man bun.

Tayvis
sonofsaf

Tayvis is hot shit, a bad sitcom
Insurrection, Stormy’s cunt
Big Mac nation, with large fries
No solution, state of mind

MAGA MAGA, hip-hip hooray

Tayvis pornography Trump will buy and sell
Small erection, just don’t tell
Dumbest coward, pool of cess
Foul big mouth, ain’t BeBest

MAGA MAGA, hip-hip hooray

Tiny mushroom cuming, causing harm
Always shitting, port-a-jon

MAGA MAGA, hip-hip hooray…

 

Save Us
King’s X

Save us from war pigs, atomic bomb
Mass destruction, fallen one
From deception, from the lies
Mind pollution, from mankind

Na-na na-na, hey-hey hey-hey

Save us from history repeating itself
From religion, from this hell
From the powers that oppress
North and south, east and west

Na-na na-na, hey-hey hey-hey

Need a little loving, open arms
And forgiving, free from harm

Na-na na-na, hey-hey hey-hey...

 

From 1989 to the present, King's X have crowned the Burgh a surprising 17 times.  Never seen 'em.  The band returns to the Burgh this Thursday for a show at The Oaks Theater in Oakmont.  I will not be in attendance.

The Big Lie 100:

#3952.  Stormy D. (Valerie --- Steve Winwood)

#3953.  Stormy D. (Stand By Me --- Ben E. King)

#3954.  Delaney Hall (Once And For All --- Hell Is For Heroes)

#3955.  Bari Weiss (Edelweiss --- The Sound Of Music)

#3956.  Bari Weiss (Pay The Price --- Twisted Sister)

#3957.  Wes Climer (Tree Climber --- Stellar Kart)

#3958.  Donald Is Very Gay (Drivin' My Life Away --- Eddie Rabbit)

#3959.  Carrie Buck (What The Fuck --- Bill Wurtz)

#3960.  The Donald's Big Lie (No Woman, No Cry --- Bob Marley)

#3961.  Glassman (Madman --- Crippled Black Phoenix)

#3962.  Glassman (Madman --- Silverchair)

#3963.  Hern (Learn --- Ari Hest)

#3964.  Trump Derangement Syndrome (Fading Kitten Syndrome --- ROAR) 

#3965.  John Wahl (The Wall --- Alok & Sevenn)

#3966.  Jackson (Jackson --- Dave Barnes)

#3967.  Jackson (Jackson --- Lucinda Williams)

#3968.  John Wahl (The Wall --- Willie Nelson)

#3969.  Celeste Maloy (Helen Of Troy --- Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark)

#3970.  Rick Jackson (To Jackson --- The Cribs)

#3971.  Reflecting Pool (Too Cool For School --- Fountains Of Wayne)

#3972.  J.D. Vance (Capri Pants --- Bikini Kill)

#3973.  J.D. Vance (Take A Chance --- Brother Cane)

#3974.  James (Games --- Ryan Adams)

#3975.  James (Games --- The Strokes)

#3976.  John James Is Boneless (Who Claims The Soulless --- Danzig)

#3977.  Mike Mazzei (Stir Crazy --- Unlike Pluto)

#3978.  Bruce Blakeman (Awaken --- Big Wild)

#3979.  Oberacker (Jacob's Ladder --- Bruce Springsteen)

#3980.  Kennedy (Jealousy --- Spoon)

#3981.  Steiner (Miner --- Kara's Flowers)

#3982.  Trump Is A Cunt From The Right (Ain't Even Done With The Night --- John Cougar Mellencamp)

#3983.  David Steiner (Granny Diner --- Grizzly Bear)

#3984.  Reflecting Pool (We Rule The School --- Belle & Sebastian)

#3985.  Oberacker (Jacob's Ladder --- Patrick Wolf)

#3986.  Oberacker (Jacob's Ladder --- Anne Murray)

#3987.  Bill Pulte (Bird Of Prey --- The Doors)

#3988.  Bill Pulte (Bird of Prey --- Army Of Lovers)

#3989.  Bill Pulte (New Year's Day --- U2)

#3990.  Steiner (Miner --- Kara's Flowers)

#3991.  Keep On Rowing (Keep on Growing --- Grateful Dead)

#3992.  Crank (Blank --- Smashing Pumpkins)

#3993.  John James (Head Games --- Foreigner)

#3994.  David Steiner (All Night Diner --- Taylor Swift)

#3995.  Downing (Drowning --- Stereophonics)

#3996.  The Immaculate Concussion (The Immaculate Rejection --- sonofsaf)

#3997.  Mitch (Bitch --- The Vaselines)

#3998.  Mitch (Bitch --- Stephen Lynch)

#3999.  Mitch (Bitch --- Yeah Yeah Yeahs)

#4000.  Tayvis (Save Us --- King's X)

Please do not share this material with Taylor Swift, Travis Kelce, and/or President Donald J. Trump.

#3999. Mitch

I'm gonna give Senator Mitch McConnell a "shadowy" Orange Prolapse Trophy.

Well deserved!  (An Orange Prolapse is bartender slang for a Dewars on the rocks)

Let's put the Jew...

back in the 4th of Jew-lie. 

 

Mitch
sonofsaf

He’s Mitch
Likes dildo toys
Mitch, Mitch, Mitch
The fake news destroy
So fucked up
Mushroom dick for Stormy
Best Jag-off
WHORE!

Learning and cheating to cheat
Trump’s stalls are toilet freaking
Golden golden golden gold toilet’s a stall

The orange clown’s ass doth stink
Because he’s a piece of shit
Such a cunt
The Donald’s so fucked up
He’s so fucked up
WHORE!

He’s Mitch
Likes dildo toys
Mitch, Mitch, Mitch
The fake news destroy
The fake news destroy
Gay

Learning and cheating to cheat
Trump’s stalls are toilet freaking
Golden golden golden gold toilet’s a stall

Learning and cheating to cheat
Trump’s stalls are toilet freaking
Golden golden golden gold toilet’s a stall

Mitch, Mitch, Mitch, Mitch, Mitch, Mitch
Mitch, Mitch, Mitch, Mitch, Mitch, Mitch
Mitch, Mitch, Mitch, Mitch, Mitch, Mitch
Mitch, Mitch, Mitch, Mitch, Mitch, Mitch
Mitch, Mitch, Mitch, Mitch, Mitch, Mitch
Mitch, Mitch, Mitch, Mitch, Mitch, Mitch
Mitch, Mitch, Mitch, Mitch, Mitch, Mitch
Mitch, Mitch, Mitch, Mitch, Mitch, Mitch
Mitch, Mitch, Mitch, Mitch, Mitch, Mitch
Mitch, Mitch, Mitch, Mitch, Mitch, Mitch

 

Rich
Yeah Yeah Yeahs

I'm rich
Like a hot noise
Rich, rich, rich
I'll take you out boy
So stuck up
Wish you'd stick in to me
Flesh ripped off
RAAAAAWR

Turning it beating no beat
The walls are always speaking
No want no want no want no speaking at all

She slipped down a rot drink 
Unzipped she doesn't exist
So unloved
I took 'em standing up
So stuck up
RAAAAAWR

I'm rich
Like a hot noise
Rich, rich, rich
I'll take you out boy
I'll take you out boy
Hey

Turning it beating no beat
The walls are always speaking
No want no want no want no speaking at all

Turning it beating no beat
The walls are always speaking
No want no want no want no speaking at all

Rich, rich, rich, rich, rich, rich
Rich, rich, rich, rich, rich, rich
Rich, rich, rich, rich, rich, rich
Rich, rich, rich, rich, rich, rich
Rich, rich, rich, rich, rich, rich
Rich, rich, rich, rich, rich, rich
Rich, rich, rich, rich, rich, rich
Rich, rich, rich, rich, rich, rich
Rich, rich, rich, rich, rich, rich
Rich, rich, rich, rich, rich, rich

 

The Yeah Yeah Yeahs played the burgh just once.  Back in 2002 at Club Laga.  I was not in attendance.  Never seen 'em.

The Big Lie 100:

#3952.  Stormy D. (Valerie --- Steve Winwood)

#3953.  Stormy D. (Stand By Me --- Ben E. King)

#3954.  Delaney Hall (Once And For All --- Hell Is For Heroes)

#3955.  Bari Weiss (Edelweiss --- The Sound Of Music)

#3956.  Bari Weiss (Pay The Price --- Twisted Sister)

#3957.  Wes Climer (Tree Climber --- Stellar Kart)

#3958.  Donald Is Very Gay (Drivin' My Life Away --- Eddie Rabbit)

#3959.  Carrie Buck (What The Fuck --- Bill Wurtz)

#3960.  The Donald's Big Lie (No Woman, No Cry --- Bob Marley)

#3961.  Glassman (Madman --- Crippled Black Phoenix)

#3962.  Glassman (Madman --- Silverchair)

#3963.  Hern (Learn --- Ari Hest)

#3964.  Trump Derangement Syndrome (Fading Kitten Syndrome --- ROAR) 

#3965.  John Wahl (The Wall --- Alok & Sevenn)

#3966.  Jackson (Jackson --- Dave Barnes)

#3967.  Jackson (Jackson --- Lucinda Williams)

#3968.  John Wahl (The Wall --- Willie Nelson)

#3969.  Celeste Maloy (Helen Of Troy --- Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark)

#3970.  Rick Jackson (To Jackson --- The Cribs)

#3971.  Reflecting Pool (Too Cool For School --- Fountains Of Wayne)

#3972.  J.D. Vance (Capri Pants --- Bikini Kill)

#3973.  J.D. Vance (Take A Chance --- Brother Cane)

#3974.  James (Games --- Ryan Adams)

#3975.  James (Games --- The Strokes)

#3976.  John James Is Boneless (Who Claims The Soulless --- Danzig)

#3977.  Mike Mazzei (Stir Crazy --- Unlike Pluto)

#3978.  Bruce Blakeman (Awaken --- Big Wild)

#3979.  Oberacker (Jacob's Ladder --- Bruce Springsteen)

#3980.  Kennedy (Jealousy --- Spoon)

#3981.  Steiner (Miner --- Kara's Flowers)

#3982.  Trump Is A Cunt From The Right (Ain't Even Done With The Night --- John Cougar Mellencamp)

#3983.  David Steiner (Granny Diner --- Grizzly Bear)

#3984.  Reflecting Pool (We Rule The School --- Belle & Sebastian)

#3985.  Oberacker (Jacob's Ladder --- Patrick Wolf)

#3986.  Oberacker (Jacob's Ladder --- Anne Murray)

#3987.  Bill Pulte (Bird Of Prey --- The Doors)

#3988.  Bill Pulte (Bird of Prey --- Army Of Lovers)

#3989.  Bill Pulte (New Year's Day --- U2)

#3990.  Steiner (Miner --- Kara's Flowers)

#3991.  Keep On Rowing (Keep on Growing --- Grateful Dead)

#3992.  Crank (Blank --- Smashing Pumpkins)

#3993.  John James (Head Games --- Foreigner)

#3994.  David Steiner (All Night Diner --- Taylor Swift)

#3995.  Downing (Drowning --- Stereophonics)

#3996.  The Immaculate Concussion (The Immaculate Rejection --- sonofsaf)

#3997.  Mitch (Bitch --- The Vaselines)

#3998.  Mitch (Bitch --- Stephen Lynch)

#3999.  Mitch (Bitch --- Yeah Yeah Yeahs) 

Please do not share this material with Senator Mitch McConnell and/or President Donald J. Trump.

#3998. Mitch

On this particular 4th of July, I'm presenting Senator Mitch McConnell, who has been unfortunately hospitalized for the past 3 weeks, with the highly coveted 86/47 Award.

Well deserved!  Regardless of his precarious health situation.

Lame, pathetic, a total waste of time... Trump Dump MAGAzine

 

For the love of Space-X!

 

Mitch
sonofsaf

Coup d’etats are not a crime
Insurrection defined
The Donald’s a twat and too inbred
That tub of lard’s unkind

Senator Mitch his health is crummy
Trump isn’t funny he’s the Orange Prolapse
Gay Mitch McConnell’s scummy
Euro-First Lady ain’t got no class

 

Bitch
Stephen Lynch

Had to see you one last time
There's something on my mind
How do I say what needs to be said?
The words are hard to find

How about bitch give me my money
I want my money and i want it fast
Hey, bitch give me my money
Else I'm 'bout to take it out your ass

 

Stephen Lynch has never performed in the Burgh.  Never seen him.

The Big Lie 100:

#3952.  Stormy D. (Valerie --- Steve Winwood)

#3953.  Stormy D. (Stand By Me --- Ben E. King)

#3954.  Delaney Hall (Once And For All --- Hell Is For Heroes)

#3955.  Bari Weiss (Edelweiss --- The Sound Of Music)

#3956.  Bari Weiss (Pay The Price --- Twisted Sister)

#3957.  Wes Climer (Tree Climber --- Stellar Kart)

#3958.  Donald Is Very Gay (Drivin' My Life Away --- Eddie Rabbit)

#3959.  Carrie Buck (What The Fuck --- Bill Wurtz)

#3960.  The Donald's Big Lie (No Woman, No Cry --- Bob Marley)

#3961.  Glassman (Madman --- Crippled Black Phoenix)

#3962.  Glassman (Madman --- Silverchair)

#3963.  Hern (Learn --- Ari Hest)

#3964.  Trump Derangement Syndrome (Fading Kitten Syndrome --- ROAR) 

#3965.  John Wahl (The Wall --- Alok & Sevenn)

#3966.  Jackson (Jackson --- Dave Barnes)

#3967.  Jackson (Jackson --- Lucinda Williams)

#3968.  John Wahl (The Wall --- Willie Nelson)

#3969.  Celeste Maloy (Helen Of Troy --- Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark)

#3970.  Rick Jackson (To Jackson --- The Cribs)

#3971.  Reflecting Pool (Too Cool For School --- Fountains Of Wayne)

#3972.  J.D. Vance (Capri Pants --- Bikini Kill)

#3973.  J.D. Vance (Take A Chance --- Brother Cane)

#3974.  James (Games --- Ryan Adams)

#3975.  James (Games --- The Strokes)

#3976.  John James Is Boneless (Who Claims The Soulless --- Danzig)

#3977.  Mike Mazzei (Stir Crazy --- Unlike Pluto)

#3978.  Bruce Blakeman (Awaken --- Big Wild)

#3979.  Oberacker (Jacob's Ladder --- Bruce Springsteen)

#3980.  Kennedy (Jealousy --- Spoon)

#3981.  Steiner (Miner --- Kara's Flowers)

#3982.  Trump Is A Cunt From The Right (Ain't Even Done With The Night --- John Cougar Mellencamp)

#3983.  David Steiner (Granny Diner --- Grizzly Bear)

#3984.  Reflecting Pool (We Rule The School --- Belle & Sebastian)

#3985.  Oberacker (Jacob's Ladder --- Patrick Wolf)

#3986.  Oberacker (Jacob's Ladder --- Anne Murray)

#3987.  Bill Pulte (Bird Of Prey --- The Doors)

#3988.  Bill Pulte (Bird of Prey --- Army Of Lovers)

#3989.  Bill Pulte (New Year's Day --- U2)

#3990.  Steiner (Miner --- Kara's Flowers)

#3991.  Keep On Rowing (Keep on Growing --- Grateful Dead)

#3992.  Crank (Blank --- Smashing Pumpkins)

#3993.  John James (Head Games --- Foreigner)

#3994.  David Steiner (All Night Diner --- Taylor Swift)

#3995.  Downing (Drowning --- Stereophonics)

#3996.  The Immaculate Concussion (The Immaculate Rejection --- sonofsaf)

#3997.  Mitch (Bitch --- The Vaselines)

#3998.  Mitch (Bitch --- Stephen Lynch) 

Please do not share this material with Senator Mitch McConnell and/or President Donald J. Trump.