#3992. Crank

Republican Jeff Crank has a certain Orange Prolapse appeal.

 

Not to be confused with baked potato appeal.

In other news, England beat Congo 2-1.  I could've done without the Oasis Wonder Wall encore sing-a-long.  That song has always annoyed the living shit out of me.  But I'll still root for 'em.

Next up?  England vs. Mexico at Estadio Azteca in Mexico City on Sunday night.  And that... will be the place to be...

on the planet earth. 

 

 

Crank
sonofsaf

Why is MAGA Crank
Why is MAGA Crank
Colorado Crank
Why is MAGA Crank

Why is Ivanka a Jew
And a fucking piece of shit
The Donald breaks the law
An orange clown of bullshit

Why is MAGA Crank
Why is MAGA Crank
Colorado Crank
Why is MAGA Crank

Why’s America great
Why the rosacea pigment
Why is Donald dumping
Motorboatin’ BeBest
Tiny mushroom ain’t deep
Forty Seven’s a creep
The Orange Prolapse hooray
Die Jeffrey George Crank

 

Blank
Smashing Pumpkins

I wish I was blank
I wish I was blank
I wish I could thank
I wish I was blank

I write a letter to you
And there'd be nothing to it
I wouldn't hem and haw
On just how to start it

I wish I was blank
I wish I was blank
I wish I could thank
I wish I was blank

I wish I'd stand up straight
I wish I'd said things different
I wish I'd said nothing
Things would be so perfect
I wish myself to keep
I pray myself to sleep
I wish myself away
I wish I was blank

No offense... but this song is really annoying.  Kinda sounds and feels like chewing on tin foil.

The Smashing Pumpkins have rocketed the Burgh a grand total of 13 times.  They return to the Burgh on October 6 for a show at PPG Paints Arena.  I'll probably head down.  They're doing Melon Collie and the Infinite Sadness.  Such an event could conceivably make me happy.

Smashing Pumpkins:

9-6-96, Civic Arena, Pittsburgh, PA

10-22-22, PPG Paints Arena, Pittsburgh, PA

The Big Lie 100:

#3952.  Stormy D. (Valerie --- Steve Winwood)

#3953.  Stormy D. (Stand By Me --- Ben E. King)

#3954.  Delaney Hall (Once And For All --- Hell Is For Heroes)

#3955.  Bari Weiss (Edelweiss --- The Sound Of Music)

#3956.  Bari Weiss (Pay The Price --- Twisted Sister)

#3957.  Wes Climer (Tree Climber --- Stellar Kart)

#3958.  Donald Is Very Gay (Drivin' My Life Away --- Eddie Rabbit)

#3959.  Carrie Buck (What The Fuck --- Bill Wurtz)

#3960.  The Donald's Big Lie (No Woman, No Cry --- Bob Marley)

#3961.  Glassman (Madman --- Crippled Black Phoenix)

#3962.  Glassman (Madman --- Silverchair)

#3963.  Hern (Learn --- Ari Hest)

#3964.  Trump Derangement Syndrome (Fading Kitten Syndrome --- ROAR) 

#3965.  John Wahl (The Wall --- Alok & Sevenn)

#3966.  Jackson (Jackson --- Dave Barnes)

#3967.  Jackson (Jackson --- Lucinda Williams)

#3968.  John Wahl (The Wall --- Willie Nelson)

#3969.  Celeste Maloy (Helen Of Troy --- Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark)

#3970.  Rick Jackson (To Jackson --- The Cribs)

#3971.  Reflecting Pool (Too Cool For School --- Fountains Of Wayne)

#3972.  J.D. Vance (Capri Pants --- Bikini Kill)

#3973.  J.D. Vance (Take A Chance --- Brother Cane)

#3974.  James (Games --- Ryan Adams)

#3975.  James (Games --- The Strokes)

#3976.  John James Is Boneless (Who Claims The Soulless --- Danzig)

#3977.  Mike Mazzei (Stir Crazy --- Unlike Pluto)

#3978.  Bruce Blakeman (Awaken --- Big Wild)

#3979.  Oberacker (Jacob's Ladder --- Bruce Springsteen)

#3980.  Kennedy (Jealousy --- Spoon)

#3981.  Steiner (Miner --- Kara's Flowers)

#3982.  Trump Is A Cunt From The Right (Ain't Even Done With The Night --- John Cougar Mellencamp)

#3983.  David Steiner (Granny Diner --- Grizzly Bear)

#3984.  Reflecting Pool (We Rule The School --- Belle & Sebastian)

#3985.  Oberacker (Jacob's Ladder --- Patrick Wolf)

#3986.  Oberacker (Jacob's Ladder --- Anne Murray)

#3987.  Bill Pulte (Bird Of Prey --- The Doors)

#3988.  Bill Pulte (Bird of Prey --- Army Of Lovers)

#3989.  Bill Pulte (New Year's Day --- U2)

#3990.  Steiner (Miner --- Kara's Flowers)

#3991.  Keep On Rowing (Keep on Growing --- Grateful Dead)

#3992.  Crank (Blank --- Smashing Pumpkins)

Please do not share this material with Jeff Crank and/or President Donald J. Trump.

#3991. Keep On Rowing

This parody goes out to Norway fans at the World Cup...

 

who despise the Orange Prolapse.

 

 

Keep On Rowing
sonofsaf

Trump was crapping
Golden toilet pee
Ivanka blowing
Make America great
 
Praying
A shaven cunt
Is pubic and all-knowing
A Big Mac on the plate

A coup d’etat plan
Insurrection hip hip hooray
Slovenian Euro-wife ain’t Stormy
Lake Tahoe was gay

Norway keep on rowing
Keep on rowing
Keep on rowing

Trump was planning
Critical his race
The tits of Stormy
Motorboatin’ blame

Doping
Spraying, blood
Kushner’s cunt just wait and see
‘Cause Ivanka is to blame

A crooked stormy whore’s
A horseface wearin’ a thong
Inbred whore’s wantin’ a dildo toy
Although it’s wrong

Norway keep on rowing
Keep on rowing
Keep on rowing
Yeah, yeah, yeah

Stormy

Stormy 
Ain’t gay, baby
Shitshow of flags unfurled
MAGA for D.C.

Mother fucking
Melania’s a man, a wrong endeavor
In Washington, D.C.

McDonald’s can’t afford
Job to blow for you
Tiny mushroom is all-knowing  
‘Cause rowing a boat is just for you, yeah, yeah 

Keep on rowing
Keep on blowing
Keep church-going
Yeah, yeah, yeah

Keep church-going
Keep on rowing
Keep on blowing

 

 My second parody of Keep On Growing.  Five years ago, I penned #381.  Derek Chauvin.

 

 

From 1969 to 1995, the Grateful Dead broke down the Burgh a grand total of 19 times. 

Grateful Dead:

04-08-89, Riverfront Coliseum, Cincinnati, OH
10-22-89, Charlotte Coliseum, Charlotte, NC
07-08-90, Three Rivers Stadium, Pittsburgh, PA
09-07-90, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
09-08-90, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
03-18-91, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
03-20-91, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
03-21-91, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
06-09-91, Buckeye Lake Music Center, Hebron, OH
06-14-91, RFK Stadium, Washington, D.C.
06-21-91, Soldier Field, Chicago, IL
06-24-91, Sandstone Amphitheatre, Bonner Springs, KS
09-04-91, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
09-05-91, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
09-06-91, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
06-06-92, Rich Stadium, Orchard Park, NY
06-08-92, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
06-09-92, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
06-11-92, Knickerbocker Arena, Albany, NY
06-12-92, Knickerbocker Arena, Albany, NY
06-14-92, Giants Stadium, East Rutherford, NJ
06-15-92, Giants Stadium, East Rutherford, NJ
06-17-92, Charlotte Coliseum, Charlotte, NC
06-18-92, Charlotte Coliseum, Charlotte, NC
06-20-92, RFK Stadium, Washington, D.C.
06-22-92, Star Lake Amphitheatre, Burgettstown, PA
06-23-92, Star Lake Amphitheatre, Burgettstown, PA
06-25-92, Soldier Field, Chicago, IL
06-26-92, Soldier Field, Chicago, IL
07-01-92, Buckeye Lake Music Center, Hebron, OH
03-14-93, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
03-17-93, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
03-18-93, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
06-11-93, Buckeye Lake Music Center, Hebron, OH
06-18-93, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
06-21-93, Deer Creek Music Center, Noblesville, IN
06-22-93, Deer Creek Music Center, Noblesville, IN
09-09-93, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
09-10-93, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
03-20-94, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
03-21-94, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
07-29-94, Buckeye Lake Music Center, Hebron, OH
03-17-95, The Spectrum, Philadelphia, PA
06-30-95, Three Rivers Stadium, Pittsburgh, PA
07-02-95, Deer Creek Music Center, Noblesville, IN

 

Bob Weir / Dead & Company

 

Bob Weir, 7-19-91, I.C. Light Amphitheatre, Pittsburgh, PA
Bob Weir, 8-31-92, I.C. Light Amphitheatre, Pittsburgh, PA

Ratdog & Phil Lesh, 7-18-01, Polaris Amphitheater, Columbus, OH
Ratdog & Rusted Root, 8-12-01, Post Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA
The Other Ones, 11-29-02, Mellon Arena, Pittsburgh, PA
The Dead, Bob Dylan, 8-6-03, Germain Amphitheater, Columbus, OH

Dead & Company, 11-13-15, Nationwide Arena, Columbus, OH

Dead & Company, 8-13-16, First Niagara Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA

Dead & Company, 6-15-17, KeyBank Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA
Dead & Company, 6-28-17, Blossom Music Center, Cuyahoga Falls, OH

Dead & Company, 6-20-18, Blossom Music Center, Cuyahoga Falls, OH

Dead & Company, 7-5-19, Folsom Field, Boulder, CO

Dead & Company, 7-6-19, Folsom Field, Boulder, CO

Dead & Company, 8-28-21, Hershey Stadium, Hershey, PA

Dead & Company, 9-7-21, Blossom Music Center, Cuyahoga Falls, OH

Dead & Company, 7-12-22, The Pavilion at Star Lake, Burgettstown, PA

Dead & Company, 6-1-23, Coastal Credit Union Park at Walnut Creek, Raleigh, NC

Dead & Company, 6-3-23, Jiffy Lube Pavilion, Bristow, VA

Dead & Company, 6-5-23, The Pavilion at Star Lake, Burgettstown, PA

The Big Lie 100:

#3952.  Stormy D. (Valerie --- Steve Winwood)

#3953.  Stormy D. (Stand By Me --- Ben E. King)

#3954.  Delaney Hall (Once And For All --- Hell Is For Heroes)

#3955.  Bari Weiss (Edelweiss --- The Sound Of Music)

#3956.  Bari Weiss (Pay The Price --- Twisted Sister)

#3957.  Wes Climer (Tree Climber --- Stellar Kart)

#3958.  Donald Is Very Gay (Drivin' My Life Away --- Eddie Rabbit)

#3959.  Carrie Buck (What The Fuck --- Bill Wurtz)

#3960.  The Donald's Big Lie (No Woman, No Cry --- Bob Marley)

#3961.  Glassman (Madman --- Crippled Black Phoenix)

#3962.  Glassman (Madman --- Silverchair)

#3963.  Hern (Learn --- Ari Hest)

#3964.  Trump Derangement Syndrome (Fading Kitten Syndrome --- ROAR) 

#3965.  John Wahl (The Wall --- Alok & Sevenn)

#3966.  Jackson (Jackson --- Dave Barnes)

#3967.  Jackson (Jackson --- Lucinda Williams)

#3968.  John Wahl (The Wall --- Willie Nelson)

#3969.  Celeste Maloy (Helen Of Troy --- Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark)

#3970.  Rick Jackson (To Jackson --- The Cribs)

#3971.  Reflecting Pool (Too Cool For School --- Fountains Of Wayne)

#3972.  J.D. Vance (Capri Pants --- Bikini Kill)

#3973.  J.D. Vance (Take A Chance --- Brother Cane)

#3974.  James (Games --- Ryan Adams)

#3975.  James (Games --- The Strokes)

#3976.  John James Is Boneless (Who Claims The Soulless --- Danzig)

#3977.  Mike Mazzei (Stir Crazy --- Unlike Pluto)

#3978.  Bruce Blakeman (Awaken --- Big Wild)

#3979.  Oberacker (Jacob's Ladder --- Bruce Springsteen)

#3980.  Kennedy (Jealousy --- Spoon)

#3981.  Steiner (Miner --- Kara's Flowers)

#3982.  Trump Is A Cunt From The Right (Ain't Even Done With The Night --- John Cougar Mellencamp)

#3983.  David Steiner (Granny Diner --- Grizzly Bear)

#3984.  Reflecting Pool (We Rule The School --- Belle & Sebastian)

#3985.  Oberacker (Jacob's Ladder --- Patrick Wolf)

#3986.  Oberacker (Jacob's Ladder --- Anne Murray)

#3987.  Bill Pulte (Bird Of Prey --- The Doors)

#3988.  Bill Pulte (Bird of Prey --- Army Of Lovers)

#3989.  Bill Pulte (New Year's Day --- U2)

#3990.  Steiner (Miner --- Kara's Flowers)

#3991.  Keep On Rowing (Keep On Growing --- Grateful Dead)

 

Please do not share this material with Team Norway and/or President Donald J. Trump. 

#3990. Steiner

Postmaster General David Steiner testified before Congress that the U.S. Postal Service will not deliver mail-in ballots in states that refuse to provide a detailed list of voter information to the Orange Prolapse's administration.

Say what ?!?

In other news, about 22,000 used seats from Acrisure Stadium are up for sale!

Yinz can purchase one for $399.00.  Butt if you buy a pair of Acrid Turd seats, it'll cost yinz just $599.  That's nearly two for the price of one! 

Stop the steal!  Er uh, what a deal!  I'm.... Clark Howard.

Steiner
sonofsaf

Jew insurrection
Fake Kushner
Postmaster David Steiner blows

Tahoe vacation
Stormy whore
Her pornography’s a shitshow

Jared’s confession
Interfaith
State of Israel cash advance

Honorable mention
Sixty-nine
Big Mac pink slime song and dance

Jew insurrection
Fake Kushner
Postmaster David Steiner blows

 

Miner
Kara’s Flowerrs

Choose my direction
Make me stir
Which way do other miners go?

That's your injection
Strip my fur
Will someone teach me why it's so?

Where is my lesson?
Give me faith
Where will I really have a chance?

You'll choose the tension
Yet, it's mine
Give me the time to form a stance

Choose my direction
Make me stir
Which way do other miners go?

In 1997, Kara's Flowers smelled the Burgh at Club Laga.

The band would later "transition" into Maroon 5.  From 2003 to the present, M-5 has mach-fived the Burgh a grand total of 12 times.  Never seen 'em.

The Big Lie 100:

#3952.  Stormy D. (Valerie --- Steve Winwood)

#3953.  Stormy D. (Stand By Me --- Ben E. King)

#3954.  Delaney Hall (Once And For All --- Hell Is For Heroes)

#3955.  Bari Weiss (Edelweiss --- The Sound Of Music)

#3956.  Bari Weiss (Pay The Price --- Twisted Sister)

#3957.  Wes Climer (Tree Climber --- Stellar Kart)

#3958.  Donald Is Very Gay (Drivin' My Life Away --- Eddie Rabbit)

#3959.  Carrie Buck (What The Fuck --- Bill Wurtz)

#3960.  The Donald's Big Lie (No Woman, No Cry --- Bob Marley)

#3961.  Glassman (Madman --- Crippled Black Phoenix)

#3962.  Glassman (Madman --- Silverchair)

#3963.  Hern (Learn --- Ari Hest)

#3964.  Trump Derangement Syndrome (Fading Kitten Syndrome --- ROAR) 

#3965.  John Wahl (The Wall --- Alok & Sevenn)

#3966.  Jackson (Jackson --- Dave Barnes)

#3967.  Jackson (Jackson --- Lucinda Williams)

#3968.  John Wahl (The Wall --- Willie Nelson)

#3969.  Celeste Maloy (Helen Of Troy --- Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark)

#3970.  Rick Jackson (To Jackson --- The Cribs)

#3971.  Reflecting Pool (Too Cool For School --- Fountains Of Wayne)

#3972.  J.D. Vance (Capri Pants --- Bikini Kill)

#3973.  J.D. Vance (Take A Chance --- Brother Cane)

#3974.  James (Games --- Ryan Adams)

#3975.  James (Games --- The Strokes)

#3976.  John James Is Boneless (Who Claims The Soulless --- Danzig)

#3977.  Mike Mazzei (Stir Crazy --- Unlike Pluto)

#3978.  Bruce Blakeman (Awaken --- Big Wild)

#3979.  Oberacker (Jacob's Ladder --- Bruce Springsteen)

#3980.  Kennedy (Jealousy --- Spoon)

#3981.  Steiner (Miner --- Kara's Flowers)

#3982.  Trump Is A Cunt From The Right (Ain't Even Done With The Night --- John Cougar Mellencamp)

#3983.  David Steiner (Granny Diner --- Grizzly Bear)

#3984.  Reflecting Pool (We Rule The School --- Belle & Sebastian)

#3985.  Oberacker (Jacob's Ladder --- Patrick Wolf)

#3986.  Oberacker (Jacob's Ladder --- Anne Murray)

#3987.  Bill Pulte (Bird Of Prey --- The Doors)

#3988.  Bill Pulte (Bird of Prey --- Army Of Lovers)

#3989.  Bill Pulte (New Year's Day --- U2)

#3990.  Steiner (Miner --- Kara's Flowers) 

Please do not share this material with David Steiner and/or President Donald J. Trump.