#3993. John James

There are no black Republican governors in the entire history of the United States.

Note: P.B.S. Pinchback, a Republican, served as governor of Louisiana from 1872 to 1873 during the Reconstruction era, but he ascended to the position after the impeachment of the previous governor and was not initially elected to the role. 

Michigan gubernatorial candidate John James (R) wants to change all of that.  

James recently acquired a highly coveted endorsement from the Orange Prolapse.

Anthrocon's in town this weekend.  But let's not blame the furries.  Hey, at least they use a litter box.

 

James will likely win the GOP primary.  And then almost definitely lose to Michigan's Secretary of State Joselyn Benson (D) in the general.

 

 

John James
sonofsaf

Gay rights, Bud Lights
Job to blow, job to blow, Big Mac meal
Orange Prolapse fights, lies from the far right
Doncha know, doncha know, stop the steal

More crime from the far right
His cock’s a tiny mushroom with no strength or might
The big lie isn’t divine
 Trumpin’ dumpin’s a shame, America’s fate

John James, Michigan is stormy
John James, ‘cause Melania Trump’s a whore
John James, why’s Jared a gay cunt…
John James

Cream pies cream but never redeem
Jesus Christ was a Jew, yeah, stinkin’ damn Jew
Deez gay creams, are so obscene
Stormy enemy, horseface enemy

Gay rights chug yinz Bud Lights
The Donald is a cancer and Bad Bunny was right 
The Donald’s to blame prematurely he came
The Donald is prayin’, and Fish ‘O Filet in

John James, Ivanka is a Jew
John James, Ivanka Trump’s a fuckin’ whore
John James, negro will fuck ya… 
John James

So queer, so very gay
 That asshole’s telling lies as evangelicals pray
A Pap smear, a porno vacay
The seventh deadly sin in Tahoe lust’s here to stay

John James, Melania First Lady
John James, Ivanka Trump’s a fuckin’ whore
John James, inbred her fuckin’ cunt
John James, Jew

John James, Melania First Lady
John James, Ivanka Trump’s a fuckin’ whore, galore
John James, Ivanka is a cunt, and gay
John James

John James, Washington, D.C.
John James, yeah, fuck the GOP
John James, a Euro-slut First Lady
John James

 

Head Games
Foreigner

Daylight, alright
I don't know, I don't know if it's real
Been a long night and something ain't right
You won't show, you won't show how you feel

No time ever seems right
To talk about the reasons why you and I fight
It's high time to draw the line
Put an end to this game before it's too late

Head games, it's you and me baby
Head games, and I can't take it anymore
Head games, I don't wanna play the...
Head games

I daydream for hours it seems
I keep thinkin' of you, yeah, thinkin' of you
These daydreams, what do they mean?
They keep haunting me, are they warning me?

Daylight turns into night
We try and find the answer but it's nowhere in sight
It's always the same and you know who's to blame
You know what I'm sayin', still we keep on playin'

Head games, that's all I get from you
Head games, and I can't take it anymore
Head games, don't wanna play the...
Head games

So near, so far away
We pass each other by 'cause we don't know what to say
It's so clear, I'm sorry to say
But if you wanna win you gotta learn how to play

Head games, always you and me, baby
Head games, 'till I can't take it anymore
Head games, instead of makin' love
Head games, ooh

Head games, always you and me, baby
Head games, 'till I can't take it anymore, no more
Head games, instead of makin' love, we play
Head games

Head games, in the first degree
Head games, yeah, always you and me
Head games, why do you do it baby?
Head games 

From 1977 to the present, Foreigner has invaded the Burgh a grand total of 22 times.

Foreigner:

8-27-11, First Niagara Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA

6-27-18, Keybank Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA


The Big Lie 100:

#3952.  Stormy D. (Valerie --- Steve Winwood)

#3953.  Stormy D. (Stand By Me --- Ben E. King)

#3954.  Delaney Hall (Once And For All --- Hell Is For Heroes)

#3955.  Bari Weiss (Edelweiss --- The Sound Of Music)

#3956.  Bari Weiss (Pay The Price --- Twisted Sister)

#3957.  Wes Climer (Tree Climber --- Stellar Kart)

#3958.  Donald Is Very Gay (Drivin' My Life Away --- Eddie Rabbit)

#3959.  Carrie Buck (What The Fuck --- Bill Wurtz)

#3960.  The Donald's Big Lie (No Woman, No Cry --- Bob Marley)

#3961.  Glassman (Madman --- Crippled Black Phoenix)

#3962.  Glassman (Madman --- Silverchair)

#3963.  Hern (Learn --- Ari Hest)

#3964.  Trump Derangement Syndrome (Fading Kitten Syndrome --- ROAR) 

#3965.  John Wahl (The Wall --- Alok & Sevenn)

#3966.  Jackson (Jackson --- Dave Barnes)

#3967.  Jackson (Jackson --- Lucinda Williams)

#3968.  John Wahl (The Wall --- Willie Nelson)

#3969.  Celeste Maloy (Helen Of Troy --- Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark)

#3970.  Rick Jackson (To Jackson --- The Cribs)

#3971.  Reflecting Pool (Too Cool For School --- Fountains Of Wayne)

#3972.  J.D. Vance (Capri Pants --- Bikini Kill)

#3973.  J.D. Vance (Take A Chance --- Brother Cane)

#3974.  James (Games --- Ryan Adams)

#3975.  James (Games --- The Strokes)

#3976.  John James Is Boneless (Who Claims The Soulless --- Danzig)

#3977.  Mike Mazzei (Stir Crazy --- Unlike Pluto)

#3978.  Bruce Blakeman (Awaken --- Big Wild)

#3979.  Oberacker (Jacob's Ladder --- Bruce Springsteen)

#3980.  Kennedy (Jealousy --- Spoon)

#3981.  Steiner (Miner --- Kara's Flowers)

#3982.  Trump Is A Cunt From The Right (Ain't Even Done With The Night --- John Cougar Mellencamp)

#3983.  David Steiner (Granny Diner --- Grizzly Bear)

#3984.  Reflecting Pool (We Rule The School --- Belle & Sebastian)

#3985.  Oberacker (Jacob's Ladder --- Patrick Wolf)

#3986.  Oberacker (Jacob's Ladder --- Anne Murray)

#3987.  Bill Pulte (Bird Of Prey --- The Doors)

#3988.  Bill Pulte (Bird of Prey --- Army Of Lovers)

#3989.  Bill Pulte (New Year's Day --- U2)

#3990.  Steiner (Miner --- Kara's Flowers)

#3991.  Keep On Rowing (Keep on Growing --- Grateful Dead)

#3992.  Crank (Blank --- Smashing Pumpkins)

#3993.  John James (Head Games --- Foreigner)

Please do not share this material with John James and/or President Donald J. Trump.

#3992. Crank

Republican Jeff Crank has a certain Orange Prolapse appeal.

 

Not to be confused with baked potato appeal.

In other news, England beat Congo 2-1.  I could've done without the Oasis Wonder Wall encore sing-a-long.  That song has always annoyed the living shit out of me.  But I'll still root for 'em.

Next up?  England vs. Mexico at Estadio Azteca in Mexico City on Sunday night.  And that... will be the place to be...

on the planet earth. 

 

 

Crank
sonofsaf

Why is MAGA Crank
Why is MAGA Crank
Colorado Crank
Why is MAGA Crank

Why is Ivanka a Jew
And a fucking piece of shit
The Donald breaks the law
An orange clown of bullshit

Why is MAGA Crank
Why is MAGA Crank
Colorado Crank
Why is MAGA Crank

Why’s America great
Why the rosacea pigment
Why is Donald dumping
Motorboatin’ BeBest
Tiny mushroom ain’t deep
Forty Seven’s a creep
The Orange Prolapse hooray
Die Jeffrey George Crank

 

Blank
Smashing Pumpkins

I wish I was blank
I wish I was blank
I wish I could thank
I wish I was blank

I write a letter to you
And there'd be nothing to it
I wouldn't hem and haw
On just how to start it

I wish I was blank
I wish I was blank
I wish I could thank
I wish I was blank

I wish I'd stand up straight
I wish I'd said things different
I wish I'd said nothing
Things would be so perfect
I wish myself to keep
I pray myself to sleep
I wish myself away
I wish I was blank

No offense... but this song is really annoying.  Kinda sounds and feels like chewing on tin foil.

The Smashing Pumpkins have rocketed the Burgh a grand total of 13 times.  They return to the Burgh on October 6 for a show at PPG Paints Arena.  I'll probably head down.  They're doing Melon Collie and the Infinite Sadness.  Such an event could conceivably make me happy.

Smashing Pumpkins:

9-6-96, Civic Arena, Pittsburgh, PA

10-22-22, PPG Paints Arena, Pittsburgh, PA

The Big Lie 100:

#3952.  Stormy D. (Valerie --- Steve Winwood)

#3953.  Stormy D. (Stand By Me --- Ben E. King)

#3954.  Delaney Hall (Once And For All --- Hell Is For Heroes)

#3955.  Bari Weiss (Edelweiss --- The Sound Of Music)

#3956.  Bari Weiss (Pay The Price --- Twisted Sister)

#3957.  Wes Climer (Tree Climber --- Stellar Kart)

#3958.  Donald Is Very Gay (Drivin' My Life Away --- Eddie Rabbit)

#3959.  Carrie Buck (What The Fuck --- Bill Wurtz)

#3960.  The Donald's Big Lie (No Woman, No Cry --- Bob Marley)

#3961.  Glassman (Madman --- Crippled Black Phoenix)

#3962.  Glassman (Madman --- Silverchair)

#3963.  Hern (Learn --- Ari Hest)

#3964.  Trump Derangement Syndrome (Fading Kitten Syndrome --- ROAR) 

#3965.  John Wahl (The Wall --- Alok & Sevenn)

#3966.  Jackson (Jackson --- Dave Barnes)

#3967.  Jackson (Jackson --- Lucinda Williams)

#3968.  John Wahl (The Wall --- Willie Nelson)

#3969.  Celeste Maloy (Helen Of Troy --- Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark)

#3970.  Rick Jackson (To Jackson --- The Cribs)

#3971.  Reflecting Pool (Too Cool For School --- Fountains Of Wayne)

#3972.  J.D. Vance (Capri Pants --- Bikini Kill)

#3973.  J.D. Vance (Take A Chance --- Brother Cane)

#3974.  James (Games --- Ryan Adams)

#3975.  James (Games --- The Strokes)

#3976.  John James Is Boneless (Who Claims The Soulless --- Danzig)

#3977.  Mike Mazzei (Stir Crazy --- Unlike Pluto)

#3978.  Bruce Blakeman (Awaken --- Big Wild)

#3979.  Oberacker (Jacob's Ladder --- Bruce Springsteen)

#3980.  Kennedy (Jealousy --- Spoon)

#3981.  Steiner (Miner --- Kara's Flowers)

#3982.  Trump Is A Cunt From The Right (Ain't Even Done With The Night --- John Cougar Mellencamp)

#3983.  David Steiner (Granny Diner --- Grizzly Bear)

#3984.  Reflecting Pool (We Rule The School --- Belle & Sebastian)

#3985.  Oberacker (Jacob's Ladder --- Patrick Wolf)

#3986.  Oberacker (Jacob's Ladder --- Anne Murray)

#3987.  Bill Pulte (Bird Of Prey --- The Doors)

#3988.  Bill Pulte (Bird of Prey --- Army Of Lovers)

#3989.  Bill Pulte (New Year's Day --- U2)

#3990.  Steiner (Miner --- Kara's Flowers)

#3991.  Keep On Rowing (Keep on Growing --- Grateful Dead)

#3992.  Crank (Blank --- Smashing Pumpkins)

Please do not share this material with Jeff Crank and/or President Donald J. Trump.

#3991. Keep On Rowing

This parody goes out to Norway fans at the World Cup...

 

who despise the Orange Prolapse.

 

 

Keep On Rowing
sonofsaf

Trump was crapping
Golden toilet pee
Ivanka blowing
Make America great
 
Praying
A shaven cunt
Is pubic and all-knowing
A Big Mac on the plate

A coup d’etat plan
Insurrection hip hip hooray
Slovenian Euro-wife ain’t Stormy
Lake Tahoe was gay

Norway keep on rowing
Keep on rowing
Keep on rowing

Trump was planning
Critical his race
The tits of Stormy
Motorboatin’ blame

Doping
Spraying, blood
Kushner’s cunt just wait and see
‘Cause Ivanka is to blame

A crooked stormy whore’s
A horseface wearin’ a thong
Inbred whore’s wantin’ a dildo toy
Although it’s wrong

Norway keep on rowing
Keep on rowing
Keep on rowing
Yeah, yeah, yeah

Stormy

Stormy 
Ain’t gay, baby
Shitshow of flags unfurled
MAGA for D.C.

Mother fucking
Melania’s a man, a wrong endeavor
In Washington, D.C.

McDonald’s can’t afford
Job to blow for you
Tiny mushroom is all-knowing  
‘Cause rowing a boat is just for you, yeah, yeah 

Keep on rowing
Keep on blowing
Keep church-going
Yeah, yeah, yeah

Keep church-going
Keep on rowing
Keep on blowing

 

 My second parody of Keep On Growing.  Five years ago, I penned #381.  Derek Chauvin.

 

 

From 1969 to 1995, the Grateful Dead broke down the Burgh a grand total of 19 times. 

Grateful Dead:

04-08-89, Riverfront Coliseum, Cincinnati, OH
10-22-89, Charlotte Coliseum, Charlotte, NC
07-08-90, Three Rivers Stadium, Pittsburgh, PA
09-07-90, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
09-08-90, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
03-18-91, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
03-20-91, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
03-21-91, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
06-09-91, Buckeye Lake Music Center, Hebron, OH
06-14-91, RFK Stadium, Washington, D.C.
06-21-91, Soldier Field, Chicago, IL
06-24-91, Sandstone Amphitheatre, Bonner Springs, KS
09-04-91, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
09-05-91, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
09-06-91, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
06-06-92, Rich Stadium, Orchard Park, NY
06-08-92, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
06-09-92, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
06-11-92, Knickerbocker Arena, Albany, NY
06-12-92, Knickerbocker Arena, Albany, NY
06-14-92, Giants Stadium, East Rutherford, NJ
06-15-92, Giants Stadium, East Rutherford, NJ
06-17-92, Charlotte Coliseum, Charlotte, NC
06-18-92, Charlotte Coliseum, Charlotte, NC
06-20-92, RFK Stadium, Washington, D.C.
06-22-92, Star Lake Amphitheatre, Burgettstown, PA
06-23-92, Star Lake Amphitheatre, Burgettstown, PA
06-25-92, Soldier Field, Chicago, IL
06-26-92, Soldier Field, Chicago, IL
07-01-92, Buckeye Lake Music Center, Hebron, OH
03-14-93, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
03-17-93, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
03-18-93, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
06-11-93, Buckeye Lake Music Center, Hebron, OH
06-18-93, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
06-21-93, Deer Creek Music Center, Noblesville, IN
06-22-93, Deer Creek Music Center, Noblesville, IN
09-09-93, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
09-10-93, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
03-20-94, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
03-21-94, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
07-29-94, Buckeye Lake Music Center, Hebron, OH
03-17-95, The Spectrum, Philadelphia, PA
06-30-95, Three Rivers Stadium, Pittsburgh, PA
07-02-95, Deer Creek Music Center, Noblesville, IN

 

Bob Weir / Dead & Company

 

Bob Weir, 7-19-91, I.C. Light Amphitheatre, Pittsburgh, PA
Bob Weir, 8-31-92, I.C. Light Amphitheatre, Pittsburgh, PA

Ratdog & Phil Lesh, 7-18-01, Polaris Amphitheater, Columbus, OH
Ratdog & Rusted Root, 8-12-01, Post Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA
The Other Ones, 11-29-02, Mellon Arena, Pittsburgh, PA
The Dead, Bob Dylan, 8-6-03, Germain Amphitheater, Columbus, OH

Dead & Company, 11-13-15, Nationwide Arena, Columbus, OH

Dead & Company, 8-13-16, First Niagara Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA

Dead & Company, 6-15-17, KeyBank Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA
Dead & Company, 6-28-17, Blossom Music Center, Cuyahoga Falls, OH

Dead & Company, 6-20-18, Blossom Music Center, Cuyahoga Falls, OH

Dead & Company, 7-5-19, Folsom Field, Boulder, CO

Dead & Company, 7-6-19, Folsom Field, Boulder, CO

Dead & Company, 8-28-21, Hershey Stadium, Hershey, PA

Dead & Company, 9-7-21, Blossom Music Center, Cuyahoga Falls, OH

Dead & Company, 7-12-22, The Pavilion at Star Lake, Burgettstown, PA

Dead & Company, 6-1-23, Coastal Credit Union Park at Walnut Creek, Raleigh, NC

Dead & Company, 6-3-23, Jiffy Lube Pavilion, Bristow, VA

Dead & Company, 6-5-23, The Pavilion at Star Lake, Burgettstown, PA

The Big Lie 100:

#3952.  Stormy D. (Valerie --- Steve Winwood)

#3953.  Stormy D. (Stand By Me --- Ben E. King)

#3954.  Delaney Hall (Once And For All --- Hell Is For Heroes)

#3955.  Bari Weiss (Edelweiss --- The Sound Of Music)

#3956.  Bari Weiss (Pay The Price --- Twisted Sister)

#3957.  Wes Climer (Tree Climber --- Stellar Kart)

#3958.  Donald Is Very Gay (Drivin' My Life Away --- Eddie Rabbit)

#3959.  Carrie Buck (What The Fuck --- Bill Wurtz)

#3960.  The Donald's Big Lie (No Woman, No Cry --- Bob Marley)

#3961.  Glassman (Madman --- Crippled Black Phoenix)

#3962.  Glassman (Madman --- Silverchair)

#3963.  Hern (Learn --- Ari Hest)

#3964.  Trump Derangement Syndrome (Fading Kitten Syndrome --- ROAR) 

#3965.  John Wahl (The Wall --- Alok & Sevenn)

#3966.  Jackson (Jackson --- Dave Barnes)

#3967.  Jackson (Jackson --- Lucinda Williams)

#3968.  John Wahl (The Wall --- Willie Nelson)

#3969.  Celeste Maloy (Helen Of Troy --- Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark)

#3970.  Rick Jackson (To Jackson --- The Cribs)

#3971.  Reflecting Pool (Too Cool For School --- Fountains Of Wayne)

#3972.  J.D. Vance (Capri Pants --- Bikini Kill)

#3973.  J.D. Vance (Take A Chance --- Brother Cane)

#3974.  James (Games --- Ryan Adams)

#3975.  James (Games --- The Strokes)

#3976.  John James Is Boneless (Who Claims The Soulless --- Danzig)

#3977.  Mike Mazzei (Stir Crazy --- Unlike Pluto)

#3978.  Bruce Blakeman (Awaken --- Big Wild)

#3979.  Oberacker (Jacob's Ladder --- Bruce Springsteen)

#3980.  Kennedy (Jealousy --- Spoon)

#3981.  Steiner (Miner --- Kara's Flowers)

#3982.  Trump Is A Cunt From The Right (Ain't Even Done With The Night --- John Cougar Mellencamp)

#3983.  David Steiner (Granny Diner --- Grizzly Bear)

#3984.  Reflecting Pool (We Rule The School --- Belle & Sebastian)

#3985.  Oberacker (Jacob's Ladder --- Patrick Wolf)

#3986.  Oberacker (Jacob's Ladder --- Anne Murray)

#3987.  Bill Pulte (Bird Of Prey --- The Doors)

#3988.  Bill Pulte (Bird of Prey --- Army Of Lovers)

#3989.  Bill Pulte (New Year's Day --- U2)

#3990.  Steiner (Miner --- Kara's Flowers)

#3991.  Keep On Rowing (Keep On Growing --- Grateful Dead)

 

Please do not share this material with Team Norway and/or President Donald J. Trump.