Friday, April 30, 2021

#339. (I Am The One You Should) Stay Away From

Yinz wanna know who I don't like?

Hint: it's the Orange Prolapse.  Melaline de L'Orange.


(I Am The One You Should) Stay Away From
sonofsaf

Fake news. (Fake news. Fake news. Fake news.)

I suggest that you should not care
Best friend is not a doggie
Q conspiracy blown
He’s a clown
With his orange prolapse out
Eats in the drive thru lane
A Big Mac he won’t abstain
Ball sack
Saggy testicles are the worst
Jag-off douchebag max
When he cums his penis blurts

Time to raise funds you’ll be conceding
Complains and begs through the Verizon
Giuliani and Lord Jesus saves
Bible screws but the Sodomites are praying
At Mar-A-Lago he’s the deceiver
He looks just like an orange buffoon
And uses the facebook to defriend
He feels no pain emogatory plan
Putrid snot is what I am
I am the one you should stay away from

I am the one you should stay away from

Okay (okay, okay, okay)
Button mushroom pin dick
He’ll cum on your, arrrse
The cum is dripping creamy thick
Is he a fuck up?
He will concede his short game’s good
And he gave Stormy a job to blow
Should know it’s all fo sho

Time to raise funds you’ll be conceding
Complains and begs through the Verizon
Giuliani and Lord Jesus saves
Bible screws but the Sodomites are praying
Insurrection wild
He’s fatter than their blimps
Out of Akron’s Goodyear Tire
He sleeps beyond the crack of dawn
He will not stick his finger in ass hole
No tweets from his phone
They scream a con
I am the one you should stay away from


Comfortably Numb
Pink Floyd

Hello? (Hello? Hello? Hello?)

Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me
Is there anyone home?
Come on now
I hear you're feeling down
Well I can ease your pain
Get you on your feet again
Relax
I'll need some information first
Just the basic facts
Can you show me where it hurts?

There is no pain you are receding
A distant ship smoke on the horizon
You are only coming through in waves
Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying
When I was a child I had a fever
My hands felt just like two balloons
Now I've got that feeling once again
I can't explain you would not understand
This is not how I am
I have become comfortably numb

I have become comfortably numb

Okay (okay, okay, okay)
Just a little pinprick
There'll be no more, ah
But you may feel a little sick
Can you stand up?
I do believe it's working, good
That'll keep you going through the show
Come on it's time to go

There is no pain you are receding
A distant ship, smoke on the horizon
You are only coming through in waves
Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying
When I was a child
I caught a fleeting glimpse
Out of the corner of my eye
I turned to look but it was gone
I cannot put my finger on it now
The child is grown
The dream is gone
I have become comfortably numb



Pink Floyd:

5-29-94, Ohio Stadium, Columbus, OH
5-31-94, Three Rivers Stadium, Pittsburgh, PA

Roger Waters:

Roger Waters, 7-3-12, Consol Energy Center, Pittsburgh, PA
Roger Waters, 9-19-17, PPG Paints Arena, Pittsburgh, PA

Australian Pink Floyd:

12-5-07, Benedum Center, Pittsburgh, PA

Brit Floyd:

8-28-15, Stage AE, Pittsburgh, PA
4-12-17, Benedum Center, Pittsburgh, PA

Quite possibly my biggest concert fail/regret of all time...  Pink Floyd, 5-30-88, Three Rivers Stadium, Pittsburgh, PA

Please do not share this information with the Orange Prolapse and/or the immediate family of former President Donald J. Trump.


#338. KKK Tim

Damn! A couple nights ago, the "Uncle Tim" hashtag got blocked on twitter.  #UncleTim started trending immediately after Senator Tim Scott gave the formal Republican rebuttal to President Joe Biden’s congressional address.  Oh yeah, I get it.  How clever.  A cynical variation on #UncleTom.  Woot.

Gotta feel for every guy named Tim who has ever had a niece or a nephew, eh?

Some other hashtags that apparently violate the First Amendment --- #SharpieGate, #StopTheSteal, and #RiggedElection.  

So what's my point here?  My point... is that if you wish to make a point... just conceive of a "easy to digest, controversial hashtag" and purposely try to get it blocked.  It might end up getting you banned or hidden.  But everyone's gonna learn what the hell your point is.  For example... #OrangeProlapse.

This moment in history: The black hand of a black man shakes hands with the orange hand of an orange man.


KKK Tim
sonofsaf

Mitch had a nig, his name was Tim
(KKK, KKK, KKK)
Southern houseboy dark suit on him
(KKK, KKK, KKK)

Oh, KKK Tim
Oh, KKK Tim

He was black and bold cotton pickin’ man
(KKK, KKK, KKK)
It’s all a part of the Republican plan
(KKK, KKK, KKK)

Oh, KKK Tim
Oh, KKK Tim

Why do all my colleagues look like Pepsodent
(KKK, KKK, KKK)
'Cause I’m the only blackie eatin’ fish for lent
(KKK, KKK, KKK)

Oh, KKK Tim
Oh, KKK Tim

Indoor commode, outhouse latrine
(KKK, KKK, KKK)
It’s all segregation know what I mean
(KKK, KKK, KKK)

Oh, KKK Tim
Oh, KKK Tim

Now the votes we need to keep on countin’
(KKK, KKK, KKK)
Drinkin’ with Mitch from a water colored fountain
(KKK, KKK, KKK)

Oh, KKK Tim
Oh, KKK Tim

Oh, KKK nigs
Oh, KKK nig


Runaway Jim
Phish

I had a dog, his name was Jim
(Runaway, runaway, runaway)
Took all of my old clothes with him
(Runaway, runaway, runaway)

Oh, runaway Jim
Oh, runaway Jim

He was twelve years old when his trip began
(Runaway, runaway, runaway)
Hauling down the highway in my old sedan
(Runaway, runaway, runaway)

Oh, runaway Jim
Oh, runaway Jim

Now I wish someone'd tell me where old Jim went
(Runaway, runaway, runaway)
'Cause he took all the money that I saved for rent
(Runaway, runaway, runaway)

Oh, runaway Jim
Oh, runaway Jim

Time he came home, he was seventeen
(Runaway, runaway, runaway)
That's a hundred nineteen to you and me
(Runaway, runaway, runaway)

Oh, runaway Jim
Oh, runaway Jim

Now I'm gonna go up to the mountain
(Runaway, runaway, runaway)
Singing for Dave who's swimming in the fountain
(Runaway, runaway, runaway)

Oh, runaway Jim
Oh, runaway Jim

Oh, runaway dogs
Oh, runaway dog



Phish:

12-8-94, CSU Convocation Center, Cleveland, OH *
6-20-95, Blossom Music Center, Cleveland, OH
11-24-95, Civic Arena, Pittsburgh, PA
8-12-96, Deer Creek Music Center, Noblesville, IN
10-18-96, Civic Arena, Pittsburgh, PA
8-13-97, Star Lake Amphitheatre, Burgettstown, PA
12-5-97, CSU Convocation Center, Cleveland, OH
7-31-98, Polaris Amphitheater, Columbus, OH
11-13-98, CSU Convocation Center, Cleveland, OH
7-29-03, Post Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA
6-18-09, Post-Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA
6-23-12, Niagara Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA
7-19-17, Peterson Events Center, Pittsburgh, PA
6-19-19, Blossom Music Center, Cuyahoga Falls, OH
12-4-19, Peterson Events Center, Pittsburgh, PA

Trey Anastasio:

2-25-11, Stage AE, Pittsburgh, PA

* - opened with Runaway Jim 

My first Phish show was at Kent State University in 1994.  One of my top 10 all-time favorite concerts.  But at the time, I only knew a few of their tunes.  When they hit the stage and opened with "Runaway Jim," I thought the lead singer was saying "Whooaaa, oh, oh, oh my name is Jim."  So naturally, I assumed the lead singer's first name was Jim.  And the song's title was obviously... "My Name is Jim."

Please do not share this material with Senator Tim Scott (R-SC), President Joe Biden, former President Donald J. Trump and/or any guy named Jim or Tim who owns a dog whose name is Jim or Tim.


#337. Hey Rude

Rudy went on Tucker Carlson last night to groan and bemoan about the recent FBI raid on his Manhattan apartment.  Personally speaking, I was hoping for a hair paint streaking reprise.  No such luck.  

Rudy's desperately trying to establish a legal and moral equivalency between him and the evil Hunter Biden, an admitted drug addict.  How come Hunter gets a "fake news" teaching gig for woke college kids at Tulane University while I'm the primary target of an FBI investigation?  

Good question Rude.  Keep asking it.  At least you'll get some traction on Hannity and Tucker Carlson. 

Rudy's best defense... "I was only seeking the admiration of an Orange Prolapse" might not hold up well in a court of law.



 

Hey Rude
sonofsaf

Hey Rude, don't be so sad.
You were bad shit a real go-getter.
Be honest, you are not terribly smart
You can still fart we hope it’s not wetter.

Hey Rude, do you get laid.
Prostate cancer prognosis deader.
Just spin it Fox News or O.A.N.N.,
A dig you shin your ass is wetter.

And anytime you feel disdain, hey Rude, remain,
A loyal Orange Prolapse Trumpian soldier.
For well you know that Trump’s a fool who’s filled with stool
Diarrhea’s in the colon beholder

Hey Rude, Trump is a clown.
Douchebag du jour, prolapsin’ mentor.
Dismember rip out intestinal parts,
Then you can fart your ass is wetter.

You got the gout and will not win, hey Rude, nothin’,
You're measuring the length of prolapse width.
You’re Italian and not a Jew, hey Rude, fuck you,
Are you a rat or a loyal soldier?

Hey Rude, don't be so sad.
You were bad shit a real go-getter.
Dismember but stay out of the prison,
And you’ll be so indebted
Debtor debtor debtor debtor debtor debtor, oh.


Hey Jude
Paul McCartney

Hey Jude, don't make it bad.
Take a sad song and make it better.
Remember to let her into your heart,
Then you can start to make it better.

Hey Jude, don't be afraid.
You were made to go out and get her.
The minute you let her under your skin,
Then you begin to make it better.

And anytime you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain,
Don't carry the world upon your shoulders.
For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder.

Hey Jude, don't let me down.
You have found her, now go and get her.
Remember to let her into your heart,
Then you can start to make it better.

So let it out and let it in, hey Jude, begin,
You're waiting for someone to perform with.
And don't you know that it's just you, hey Jude, you'll do,
The movement you need is on your shoulder.

Hey Jude, don't make it bad.
Take a sad song and make it better.
Remember to let her under your skin,
Then you'll begin to make it
Better better better better better better, oh.

Na na na nananana, nannana, hey Jude...
(repeat X number of times, fade)



Paul McCartney:

2-12-90, Riverfront Coliseum, Cincinnati, OH

4–29-02, Gund Arena, Cleveland, OH

8-18-10, Consol Energy Center, Pittsburgh, PA

7-7-14, Consol Energy Center, Pittsburgh, PA

Please do not share this information with Rudy Giuliani, former President Donald J. Trump, Tucker Carlson, and/or Sean Hannity.

Thursday, April 29, 2021

#336. Trevor

Tonight's the big night!  The 2021 NFL draft from Cleveland.  Chilly and windy with a steady downpour straight outta the shores of Lake Erie.  Yep, sounds about right.

The #1 pick goes to Shahid Kahn's Jacksonville Jaguars.  They're expected to take Clemson QB Trevor Lawrence.

In essence, this guy...


is gonna buy this guy...


In case you're wondering, Kahn is the 4th wealthiest NFL owner.  He's worth an estimated 7.4 billion.

Lawrence is expected to sign a four-year contract worth nearly $35 million, highlighted by a $22.5 million signing bonus.

I dunno know.  Something about those two just seems a bit "off."  Meanwhile, the New York Jets are on the clock.



Trevor
sonofsaf

Whoo-hoo, oh yeah!
Whoa-oh ooh-oh, ooh-oh, ooh-oh
Whoa-oh ooh-oh, ooh-oh, ooh-oh

Hey Goodell is lookin’ at you
Throw the ball stop dissin’
Clemson had a lotta booze
But don’t ask me why, yeah

That defense they can’t defend
Those cornerbacks might need Depends
Last dance, more blood
He’s got a job to blow

He’s from Clemson
Show him the money (pronounced Monet)
Last dance for Jacksonville
All the evangelicals will pray
Whoa-ooh-oh
Every ball he throws gonna be a touchdown
Whazzup Bud Light abounds
Trevor loves this fucked up town
Trevor
Trevor
Trevor
Trevor isn’t gay

Hey Goodell, I’m not a Jew
Pigskin you denyin’
But I’m so phat, fat’s the shit for you
Don't cll me a he-she

Now suck my balls it’s truth or dare
I’m gonna get real hardcore
Last dance, more blood
Shot of Crown, Royal to go

He’s from Clemson
Show him the money (pronounced Monet)
One chance for Jacksonville
All the evangelicals will pray
Whoa-ooh-oh
Every ball he throws gonna be a touchdown
Whazzup Bud Light abounds
Trevor loves this fucked up town
Trevor (oh)
Trevor (no!)
Trevor
Trevor isn’t gay
Trevor (no, Trevor)
Trevor
Trevor (no, no, no, no)
Trevor isn’t gay

Hey Goodell is lookin’ at you
Throw the ball stop dissin’
Clemson had a lotta booze
But don’t ask me why, yeah

You're bangin' your head again
'Cause somebody won't let you in
One chance, one love
Your chance to let me know

He’s from Clemson
Show him the money (pronounced Monet)
One chance for Jacksonville
All the evangelicals will pray
Whoa-ooh-oh

Trevor
Whoa-ooh-oh

Trevor
He’s from Clemson
Trevor
He’s from Clemson
Trevor
Whoa-ooh-oh

Tre, Tre, Tre, Trevor
Whoa-ooh-oh
(Trevor, Trevor) Trevor
He’s from Clemson (he’s from Clem, he’s from Clemson) Trevor
He’s from Clemson (he’s from Clem, he’s from Clemson, baby) Trevor
Whoa-ooh-oh

Trevor
Whoa-ooh-oh
Trevor (Trevor, Trevor, Trevor)


Never
Heart

Whoo-hoo, oh yeah!
Whoa-oh ooh-oh, ooh-oh, ooh-oh
Whoa-oh ooh-oh, ooh-oh, ooh-oh

Hey baby I'm talkin' to you
Stop yourself and listen
Some things you can never choose
Even if you try, yeah

You're bangin' your head again
'Cause somebody won't let you in
One chance, one love
Your chance to let me know

We can't go on
Just running away
If we stay any longer
We will surely never get away
Whoa-ooh-oh
Anything you want we can make it happen
Stand up and turn around
Never let them shoot us down
Never
Never
Never
Never run away

Hey baby, you know it's true
Why you bother lyin'?
When you know that, that you want it too
Don't you dare deny me

Now walk those legs right over here
Gimme what I'm dyin' for
One chance, one love
Hold me down, then let me go

We can't go on
Just running away
If we wait any longer
We will surely never get away
Whoa-ooh-oh
Anything you want we can make it happen
Stand up and turn around
Never let them shoot us down
Never (oh)
Never (no!)
Never
Never run away
Never (no, never)
Never
Never (no, no, no, no)
Never run away

Hey baby I'm talkin' to you
Stop yourself and listen
Some things you can never, never choose
Even if you try, yeah

You're bangin' your head again
'Cause somebody won't let you in
One chance, one love
Your chance to let me know

We can't go on
Just running away
If we stay any longer
We will surely never get away
Whoa-ooh-oh

Never
Whoa-ooh-oh

Never
We can't go on
Never
We can't go on
Never
Whoa-ooh-oh

Ne, ne, ne, never
Whoa-ooh-oh
(Never, never) never
We can't go on (we can't go, we can't go on) never
We can't go on (we can't go, we can't go on, baby) never
Whoa-ooh-oh

never
Whoa-ooh-oh
Never (never, never, never)

 



Heart:

7-21-13, First Niagara Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA

Please do not share this material with Trevor Lawrence, Shahid Kahn, and/or anyone affiliated with the 2021 NFL draft.


#334. (I Don't Want No) Police Action

When you have this...

And then this...

You get this...


Which leads to this...

Think about it.

I checked out a few live versions of Satisfaction.  Thought about Devo and/or The Dead.  But you gotta go with the original.




(I Don’t Want No) Police Action
sonofsaf

I don’t want no action, I don’t want no police action
A pig sty is a sty is a sty is a sty
I don’t want no, I don’t want no

When I'm mindin’ my own bidnith, and this cop wants my identity YO!
He's pimpin’ out all his hos throughout this fucked up nation
Lookin’ hellish eternal damnation

I don’t want no, oh, no, no, no, hey, hey, hey
I’m black and gay
I don’t want no police action, I don’t want no police action
A pig sty is a sty is a sty is a sty
I don’t want no, I don’t want no

When I’m cashin’ out for free and he cuffs me to protect me
He’s gonna take a knee
Because he has a plan, and he doesn't choke
The same way as you and me

I don’t want no, oh, no, no, no, hey, hey, hey
I’m black and gay
I don’t want no police action, I don’t want no police action
A pig sty is a sty is a sty is a sty
I don’t want no, I don’t want no

I’m not tryin’ to impress the girls
I ain’t screwin' this and/or fuckin' that
And I'm prayin’ all ‘round the world, don’t be me
Maybe, shoulda known they destroy and seek
Can’t you see I’m not a total freak?
I don’t want no, oh, no, no, no, hey, hey, hey
I’m black and gay, I don’t want no, I don't want no
I don’t want no police action, no police action
No police action, no police action
I don’t want no


(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction
Rolling Stones

I can't get no satisfaction, I can't get no satisfaction
'Cause I try and I try and I try and I try
I can't get no, I can't get no

When I'm drivin' in my car, and the man come on the radio
He's tellin' me more and more about some useless information
Supposed to fire my imagination

I can't get no, oh, no, no, no, hey, hey, hey
That's what I say
I can't get no satisfaction, I can't get no satisfaction
'Cause I try and I try and I try and I try
I can't get no, I can't get no

When I'm watchin' my TV and a man comes on and tells me
How white my shirts can be
But, he can't be a man 'cause he doesn't smoke
The same cigarettes as me

I can't get no, oh, no, no, no, hey, hey, hey
That's what I say
I can't get no satisfaction, I can't get no girl reaction
'Cause I try and I try and I try and I try
I can't get no, I can't get no

When I'm ridin' 'round the world
And I'm doin' this and I'm signin' that
And I'm tryin' to make some girl, who tells me
Baby, better come back maybe next week
Can't you see I'm on a losing streak?
I can't get no, oh, no, no, no, hey, hey, hey
That's what I say, I can't get no, I can't get no
I can't get no satisfaction, no satisfaction
No satisfaction, no satisfaction
I can't get no


Rolling Stones:

9-29-94, Three Rivers Stadium, Pittsburgh, PA

9-28-05, PNC Park, Pittsburgh, PA

6-20-15, Heinz Field, Pittsburgh, PA

7-4-15, Indianapolis Motor Speedway, Indianapolis, IN

Gotta be honest here.  I always thought Satisfaction was a really weak opener/closer.  A vibrantly mediocre filler tune. 

Feel free to share this material with any classic rock cover bands that play Satisfaction.  In essence... all.


#335. Stitt Was A Shame (From The Start)

Ever wonder why Oklahoma Governor Kevin Stitt's most ardent supporters refer to him as "Stitt the Shit?"  Well, let's just say it all stems from the origins of this tainted photo.

Stitt preparing to take a dump aboard Air Force Two
 

Apparently, then Vice President Pence was extremely upset with the pungent odor emitted from the Oklahoma Shitty politician.  So distraught that he called the head of the EPA and demanded answers.  Former EPA Administrator Scott Pruitt, who also hails from Oklahoma, referred the Vice President to Rudy Giuliani's asshole.      

In other news, Stitt wants to be known as "the most pro-life governor" in the country.  And that means you sign bills with incredibly vague language so as to manipulate and terrify every obstetrician statewide.  Let alone a physician who actually performs an abortion.  No discussion of variables like rape, incest, or life of the mother.  Never let any trivial details enter into a complex equation.

Instead you get one of those infamous "heartbeat bills."  Meaning that once there's a "detectable rhythm"... you can charge a doctor with murder.  Also, if a doctor performs an abortion that is not deemed "medically necessary," they can lose their license.  

The idea here is to embrace fetal fanaticism.  And along the way, hopefully arrest some medical professionals and deliberately shatter their lives.  Then let the courts weigh in.  This way the prosecution can offer up some expert eye witnesses to testify about the origins of life.  Priests, clergy members, faith healers, pastors of mega-churches, etc.  People in the know.  See?  And then you can get some backwards, Orange Prolapse-appointed MAGA judge along with an impartial, nonjudgmental jury of evangelical bible-belting fuck ups from Tulsa or Stillwater or Enid or wherever.  

Regardless, justice will be served.


w

Stitt Was A Shame (From the Start)
sonofsaf

Baby, oh

When he has to fart you’ll see
The gas was meant for you and me
Fracking’s the new coal we feel
You know life ain’t always free

Sometimes I long for the 19th crime
Snoop Doggy Shiraz in a dream
Gives me morning wood so glad, maybe
Stitt was a shame from the start

Stitt was a shame from the start
Thinks his shit’s a work of art (of art)
Stitt was a shame from the start
We know that Stitt has no heart
An Oklahoma flop (we must part)
Constipation and farts (and farts)
Stitt was a shame from the start

I love voters who pray
And smoke their Christian crack with me
When I sing I am not a Jew
So Derek Chauvin took a knee

Sometimes I long for the 19th crime
Snoop Doggy Shiraz in a dream
Gives me morning wood so glad, maybe
Stitt was a shame from the start

Stitt was a shame from the start
Thinks his shit’s a work of art (of art)
Stitt was a shame from the start
We know that Stitt has no heart
An Oklahoma flop (we must part)
Constipation and farts (and farts)
Stitt was a shame from the start

Maybe, maybe the blood of the lamb is so wrong
You’re sacrificin’ goats whatever
Oh maybe, maybe he’s not that bright
Don’t put up a fight

Maybe, oh, Stitt is a shame
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na
Na, na, na, na, na, baby
Na, na, na, na, na-ah

Sometimes I long for the 19th crime
Snoop Doggy Shiraz in a dream
Gives me morning wood so glad, maybe
Stitt was a shame from the start

Stitt was a shame from the start
Thinks his shit’s a work of art (of art)
Stitt was a shame from the start
We know that Stitt has no heart
An Oklahoma flop (we must part)
Constipation and farts (and farts)
Stitt was a shame from the start

Stitt was a shame from the start
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na
Na, na, na, na, na, baby
Na, na, na, na, na-ah

Stitt was a shame from the start
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na (with a fart)
Na, na, na, na, na, baby (a fart)
His fart


Quit Playin’ Games (With My Heart)
Backstreet Boys

Baby, oh

Even in my heart I see
You're not bein' true to me
Deep within my soul I feel
Nothing's like it used to be

Sometimes I wish I could turn back time
Impossible as it may seem
But I wish I could so bad, baby
Quit playin' games with my heart

Quit playin' games with my heart
Before you tear us apart (my heart)
Quit playin' games with my heart
I should've known from the start
You know you got to stop (from my heart)
You're tearing us apart (my heart)
Quit playin' games with my heart

I live my life the way
To keep you comin' back to me
Everything I do is for you
So what is it that you can't see?

Sometimes I wish I could turn back time
Impossible as it may seem
But I wish I could so bad, baby
You better quit playin' games with my heart

Quit playin' games with my heart
Before you tear us apart (my heart)
Quit playin' games with my heart
I should've known from the start
You know you got to stop (from my heart)
You're tearing us apart (my heart)
Quit playin' games

Baby, baby the love that we had was so strong
Don't leave me hangin' here forever
Oh baby, baby this is not right
Let's stop this tonight

Baby, oh, quit playin' games
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na
Na, na, na, na, na, baby
Na, na, na, na, na-ah

Sometimes I wish I could
Turn back time, impossible as it may seem
But I wish I could so bad, baby
Quit playin' games with my heart

Quit playin' games with my heart
Before you tear us apart (my heart)
Quit playin' games with my heart
I should've known from the start
You know you got to stop (from my heart)
You're tearing us apart (my heart)
Quit playin' games with my heart

Quit playin' games with my heart
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na
Na, na, na, na, na, baby
Na, na, na, na, na-ah

Quit playin' games with my heart
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na (with my heart)
Na, na, na, na, na, baby (my heart)
My heart


 

Backstreet Boys:

6-25-01, Post-Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA (scalped the living shit out of it)

6-14-15, Consol Energy Center, Pittsburgh, PA

Please do not share this material with registered Republican voters from the "In God We Trust" state.  Seriously... that is the Oklahoma state motto.  I propose we launch a petition and change the motto to "In Stitt we Shit."


Wednesday, April 28, 2021

#333. Kevin's A Stitt

Oklahoma Governor Kevin Stitt has been in the news lately.  Mostly for signing a bunch of draconian legislation that outlaws abortion statewide.

 

How clever!  As he smiles and proudly poses with the legislation.  Probably handing out Sharpies as well.  Golly gee, wonder where he got that idea.  What a fucking pathetic stooge.  

Expect some additional parodies of Stitt.  Hey, a lot of shit rhymes with Stitt.  Clit, tit, nitwit, etc.


Stitt shares a few guffaws with the Orange Prolapse... moments before his Covid diagnosis.



 

Kevin’s A Stitt
sonofsaf

Covered in shit and sucking a bone
Anal orgy is all he knows
With all the wood, the wads
And the hairy chests
Jack off by hand it’s a cumming express

No cock to ration
Upon a whim
A gigolo, fed him some din
It’s the norm to take it up ass
All offense no defense
Dominatrix

No clam calamity
Let’s build a great wall
Kevin’s the shit!
Faggot instruction

Anal drilling for all
Kevin’s a Stitt!
Erotic dreams of cock
Have cum into play

Kevin’s the shit!
Abortion is sorrow
And they say that he’s gay
Kevin’s a Stitt!

I do what’s wrong, even though it feels so right
That homo faggot has a ball sack tight
You will cum faster
The boner tries
I’ll fuck every man until the day I die

No clam calamity
Let’s build a great wall
Kevin’s the shit!
Faggot instruction

Anal drilling for all
Kevin’s a Stitt!
Erotic dreams of cock
Have cum into play

Kevin’s the shit!
Abortion is sorrow
And they say that he’s gay
Kevin’s a Stitt!


Into the Pit
Testament

Deep in the pit and lying alone
Where death has reared itself a throne
We're all the good, the bad
The worst and the best
And where they land is their eternal rest

Foul plays of passion
At twilight's dim
In joy of woe, of good and sin
Winds of storm and fates overcast
Darkly my presence
Is now your past

Join the insanity
Or die as you fall
Into the pit!
The mass production

And the killing of all
Into the pit!
The future screams for help
Are fading away

Into the pit!
The world tomorrow
Will it die for today?
Into the pit!

So in the sad, silent watches of night
The lonely pathway envisions my sight
Echoes of laughter
And boundless cries
Son here I wander under infinite skies

Join the insanity
Or die as you fall
Into the pit!
The mass production

And the killing of all
Into the pit!
The future screams for help
Are fading away

Into the pit!
The world tomorrow
Will it die for today?
Into the pit!



Testament:

7-15-88, City Limits, Penn Hills, PA (one of my all-time favorite concerts) *

11-1-89, Newport Music Hall, Columbus, OH

11-17-11, Stage AE, Pittsburgh, PA

11-25-13, Stage AE, Pittsburgh, PA


* Vio-lence, quite possibly the most underrated band in the history of thrash metal, was the opening act.  Speaking of openers, Chuck Billy opened the show with "Into The Pit."

Please do not share this information with Governor Kevin Stitt (R-OK), First Lady Sarah Stitt, and/or any of their 6 children... Natalie, Drew, Kate, Piper, Remington and Houston.  (the latter half of whom have agonizingly shitty names).


#332. Stormy Porn

I've always thought the White House press pool should've excoriated Trump on the "this whole Stormy Daniels thing."  Talk about a lay up.

Mr. President... "Do you think the American public, particularly the evangelicals, is ready for a Commander-in-Chief who slept with a porn star while his wife was giving birth to their only son."



Stormy Porn
sonofsaf

You ever had to worry
About a Donald story
Say, 'He who eats baloney’s a pig and all…’

Have you ever faltered
Said, Trump is a piece of shit
He’s a piece of shit, anal breath stay away... away... away'
Yeah, wild.

Kaepernick is kinda kneelin’
Kamala Harris breakin’ ceilin’
Mister of a Drummond
Was good at foster care, wild.
The Orange Prolapse wants to fuck you.
Your shithole’s left in tatters
I’m just glad he’s no more the tweetin’ clown defriend… defriend…
Yeah maybe, defriend… Oh yes.

He ain’t winning
But he’s still out for blood.
Until the crack of dawn.
With a crack that reads insert bone, yes it does.

Trump is still out for blood.
Until the crack of dawn.
With a crack that reads insert bone.

He reads Corinthians Two maybe.
Now he’s begging like a preacher.
Bankruptcies are a shitty, way to go through life.

He knows he ain’t too funny
Goes where the weather is sunny
The Donald Trumper story he’s-a-once again a-doin' crimes, oh yeah.

Trump is still out for blood.
Until the crack of dawn.
With a crack that reads insert bone, yes it does, ah.
Trump is still out for blood.
Until the crack of dawn.
With a crack that, with a crack and
It SAYS INSERT BONE, YEAH!

Daniels’ Stormy porn.
Damn those tits sure grow.
Just don’t squeeze your nipples, woman,
'Cause they’ll spray, yeah...

Kick it...
Trump is still out for blood.
Until the crack of dawn.
With a crack that reads insert bone.
Trump is still out for blood.
Until the crack of dawn.
It's the kind that leaves me.

Baby... I said a cum on, cum on, cum on, cum on, spew it.
I said baby...
Don’t squeeze your nipples, woman...
I'm gonna cum all on you…


Crown of Thorns
Pearl Jam

You ever heard the story
Of Mr. Faded Glory?
Say, 'He who rides the pony must someday fall...'

Talking to my Alter
Said, 'Life is what you make it
And if you make it, death will rest your soul away... away... away'
Yeah, child.

It's a broken kinda feelin'.
She'd have to tie me to the ceiling.
A bad moon's a-comin'
Better say your prayers, child.
I wanna tell you that I love you.
But does it really matter?
I just can't stand to see you draggin' down again... again...
My baby, again... Oh yes.

So I'm singing
This is my kind of love.
It's the kind that moves on.
It's unkind and leaves me alone, yes it does.

This is my kind of love.
It's the kind that moves on.
It's unkind and leaves me alone.

I used to treat you like a lady.
Now you're a substitute teacher.
This bottle's not a pretty, not a pretty sight.

I owe the man some money
So I'm turnin' over, honey.
Say Mr. Faded Glory is-a-once again a-doin' time, oh yeah.

And this is my kind of love.
It's the kind that moves on.
It's unkind and leaves me alone, yes it does, ah.
This is my kind of love.
It's the kind that moves on.
It's unkind and, it's unkind and
It LEAVE ME ALONE, YEAH!

Like a crown of thorns.
It's all who you know.
So don't burn your bridges, woman,
'Cause someday, yeah...

Kick it...
This is my kind of love.
It's the kind that moves on.
It's unkind and leaves me alone.
And this is my kind of love.
It's the kind that moves on.
It's the kind that leaves me.

Baby... I said a come on, come on, come on, come on, do it.
I said baby...
Don't burn you bridges, woman...
I'm gonna come back to you...




Pearl Jam:

8-25-98, Star Lake Amphitheater, Burgettstown, PA
9-5-00, Post-Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA
9-28-05, PNC Park, Pittsburgh, PA (opened for the Rolling Stones)
6-23-06, Mellon Arena, Pittsburgh, PA
10-27-09, Wachovia Spectrum, Philadelphia, PA
10-28-09, Wachovia Spectrum, Philadelphia, PA
5-6-10, Nationwide Arena, Columbus, OH
5-9-10, Quicken Loans Arena, Cleveland, OH
10-11-13, Consol Energy Center, Pittsburgh, PA
10-1-14, U.S. Bank Arena, Cincinnati, OH
9-26-15, Central Park, New York City, NY (Global Citizen Festival)
4-28-16, Wells Fargo Center, Philadelphia, PA
4-29-16, Wells Fargo Center, Philadelphia, PA

Crown of Thorns was originally written by Mother Love Bone.  But I assure you, the admittedly pornographic elements of my parody are purely a coincidence.

Please do not share this information with Stephanie Cliffords a/k/a Stormy Daniels, former President Donald J. Trump, and/or former First Lady Melania Trump.

#331. Viking's Gritty


Minnesota Vikings wide receiver Justin Jefferson is doing the "Gritty Dance" on Fortnite.  

Gotta be totally honest here.  I read a few of the headlines and I'm still not entirely sure what any of this means.  

Nonetheless...


Vikings Gritty

sonofsaf


Justin here as Vikings Gritty

Vikings Gritty ain’t so dumb

Justin here as Vikings Gritty

Vikings Gritty ain’t so dumb

It’s just a crazy dancin’ love affair until this Fortnite shit’s done


I'm gonna be gaming on the console

No beer or wine

I'm gonna be gaming on the console

No beer or wine

With my Vikings Gritty baby it's a video gamer state of mind


Well, I’m not ashamed; I am shit for brains

Just listen to me talk, I'm future Hall of Fame

Justin here as Vikings Gritty

Vikings Gritty ain’t so dumb

It’s a crazy video love affair until this Fortnite shit’s done

 

Kansas City

Fats Domino


I'm going to Kansas City

Kansas City here I come

I'm going to Kansas City

Kansas City here I come

They got a crazy way of loving there and I'm gonna get me one


I'm gonna be standing on the corner

12th Street and Vine

I'm gonna be standing on the corner

12th Street and Vine

With my Kansas City baby and a bottle of Kansas City wine


Well, I might take a plane; I might take a train

But if I have to walk, I'm going just the same

I'm going to Kansas City

Kansas City here I come

They got some crazy little women there and I'm gonna get me one





Much to the chagrin of old school ballers, I've never seen Fats Domino a/k/a The Big Dominipede.  He passed away fairly recently in 2017.  In the late 50's, he appeared at the Twin Coaches in Belle Vernon on 7 different occasions.  And he had 9 gigs at the Syria Mosque.  Civic Arena twice.


My two other favorite men referred to as "Fat" or "Fats":  The legendary pool shark Minnesota Fats and a friend of Les Claypool. 


Please do not share this information with Justin Jefferson, Fortnite enthusiasts and anyone who's fat, physically overweight, and/or morbidly obese.

Tuesday, April 27, 2021

#330. Graham

Question:  Which Republican U.S. Senator is the "smarmiest?"

Answer:  That's a tough one.  Plenty of options here.

Mitch McConnell - welcomes the status of mumbling douchebag, legislative Grim Reaper

Ted Cruz - the ultimate, bullshitting hypocrite

Ron Johnson - Covid denier and conspiracy delusionist.  Asshole extraordinaire.

John Kennedy - makes me nauseous with that aloof Southern dumbshit drawl... y'all

Josh Hawley - sycophant Proud Boy who still refers to Trump as the President

But then there's Senator Lindsey Graham from South Carolina.  Little did we know that when he served in the Navy... it was actually "backstage" at a Village People concert.


Trump is ironically distracted while Senator Lindsey Graham expresses his adoration for the Orange Prolapse-in-Chief.


Graham
sonofsaf

Graham (Graham) wants a man to bend over
Graham (Graham) he’s rather spit than swallow
Graham (Graham) has an asshole very hollow
Graham (Graham)
Graham should abstain there’d be less shame
Gold shower rain to ease the pain (pain)
Graham (Graham)
Graham (Graham) like a dyke but not in vitro
Graham (Graham) Orange Prolapse that you will follow
Graham (Graham) forty five and show no sorrow
Graham (Graham)
Graham, lies and whines but thinks he shines
Tonic with lime he’ll be snorting’ lines (lines)
Graham (Graham)
Could he be honest could he be?
Honestly honest Abe
Could he be an Abe Honest Abe?
Honest Abe Honest Abe
Is it any wonder we think you’re the worst
Graham (Graham) Graham Graham
Is it any wonder you are too cool to fool
Graham (Graham)
Graham really is a silly he-she
Thinks he’s living in the fast lane
(Lane)
Graham
Graham Graham Graham Graham Graham
Graham Graham Graham Graham Graham
Graham Graham Graham Graham Graham
Graham Graham Graham Graham Graham
Graham Graham Graham
Graham
Is to blame
Is to blame
Is to blame…
Feeling so gay


Fame
David Bowie

Fame (fame) makes a man take things over
Fame (fame) lets him lose hard to swallow
Fame (fame) puts you there where things are hollow
Fame (fame)
Fame not your brain it's just the flame
That puts your change to keep you sane (sane)
Fame (fame)
Fame (fame) what you like is in the limo
Fame (fame) what you get is no tomorrow
Fame (fame) what you need you have to borrow
Fame (fame)
Fame nein it's mine is just his line
To bind our time it drives you to crime (crime)
Fame (fame)
Could it be the best could it be?
Really be really babe
Could it be my babe could it babe?
Could it babe could it babe?
Is it any wonder I reject you first
Fame (fame) fame fame
Is it any wonder you are too cool to fool
Fame (fame)
Fame bully for you chilly for me
Got to get a rain check on pain
(Pain)
Fame
Fame fame fame fame fame
Fame fame fame fame fame
Fame fame fame fame fame
Fame fame fame fame fame
Fame fame fame
Fame
What's your name?
What's your name?
What's your name?...
Feeling so gay


David Bowie:

9-23-95, Star Lake Amphitheatre, Burgettstown, PA

If you're ever looking for an absolutely killer David Bowie concert w/ some stellar special guests, I highly recommend this 50th Birthday concert from Madison Square Garden (1997).  One of the best bootlegs I've ever had the pleasure of illegally downloading.

Please do not share this information with former President Donald J. Trump and Senators Lindsey Graham (R-SC), Mitch McConnell (R-KY), Ted Cruz (R-TX), Ron Johnson (R-WI), John Kennedy (R-LA) and Josh Hawley (R-MO).  Honorable mention: Rick Scott (R-FL).

 

#329. Jewell Jones

Michigan State Representative Jewell Jones hasn't had a good month.  If last month was March Madness, than this month is April Aberration.

He drove his car off a Michigan highway and into a ditch.  When the cops showed up, he was allegedly verbally combative with police.  Telling them how he runs their budget and was going to "defund their asses."  So naturally they tased and pepper-sprayed him.  Which immediately translates into "resisting arrest."  Not only that, but a female passenger, who puked all over the place, emerged from the car with her pants down.  He ended up blowing a 1.9 BAC.  And then later, a 1.7.  Still twice the legal limit.  And oh yeah, officers confiscated a loaded gun too.

Dedicated to Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer.  Hey, get on this shit and help a brotha out!


 

Jewell Jones
sonofsaf

Well, it’s the fake news game
Black man arrested in Michigan
Drinkin’s all the rage
Drunker than a skunk for shame

Because he’s not that lame
And the cops like to do some roughin’
He fights back with some lines
Accusations you know he’ll blame

Here’s to all the girls we exchange glances
Sometimes it even leads to romances
Don’t you believe in second chances
Jewell Jones
Jewell Jones

Why do you fear?
Cops in the rear
Jewell Jones
Jewell Jones

Why does shit happen?
Because shit happens
Jewell Jones
Jewell Jones

Police don’t play nice
When they handle us their effort is rougher
It’s qualified immunity
Oh the sacrifice

Well, you should stay concise
Rather than haul your ass off to prison
It’s the guns that give them power
And gives them the right

Here’s to all the girls we exchange glances
Sometimes it even leads to romances
Don’t you believe in second chances
Jewell Jones
Jewell Jones

Why do you fear?
Cops in the rear
Jewell Jones
Jewell Jones

Why does shit happen?
Because shit happens
Jewell Jones
Jewell Jones

Why do you fear?
Cops in the rear
Jewell Jones
Jewell Jones
Why does shit happen?

(deliberately omitted extended rap)

Jewell Jones

Why do you fear?
Cops in the rear
Jewell Jones
Jewell Jones

Why does shit happen?
Because shit happens
Jewell Jones
Jewell Jones

Why do you fear?
Cops in the rear
Jewell Jones
Jewell Jones

Why does shit happen?
Because shit happens
Jewell Jones
Jewell Jones

Why does shit happen?
Because shit happens
Jewell Jones
Jewell Jones

Why do you fear?
Cops in the rear
Jewell Jones
Jewell Jones

Why does shit happen?
Because shit happens
Jewell Jones
Jewell Jones

Why do you fear?
Cops in the rear
Jewell Jones
Jewell Jones

 

Roll The Bones
Rush

Well, you can stake that claim
Good work is the key to good fortune
Winners take that praise
Losers seldom take that blame

If they don't take that game
And sometimes the winner takes nothing
We draw our own designs
But fortune has to make that frame

We go out in the world and take our chances
Fate is just the weight of circumstances
That's the way that Lady Luck dances
Roll the bones
Roll the bones

Why are we here?
Because we're here
Roll the bones
Roll the bones

Why does it happen?
Because it happens
Roll the bones
Roll the bones

Faith is cold as ice
Why are little ones born only to suffer
For the want of immunity
Or a bowl of rice?

Well, who would hold a price
On the heads of the innocent children
If there's some immortal power
To control the dice?

We come into the world and take our chances
Fate is just the weight of circumstances
That's the way that lady luck dances
Roll the bones
Roll the bones

Why are we here?
Because we're here
Roll the bones
Roll the bones

Why does it happen?
Because it happens
Roll the bones
Roll the bones

Why are we here?
Because we're here
Roll the bones
Roll the bones
Why does it happen?

(Omitted rap yo.)

Roll the bones

Why are we here?
Because we're here
Roll the bones
Roll the bones

Why does it happen?
Because it happens
Roll the bones
Roll the bones

Why are we here?
Because we're here
Roll the bones
Roll the bones

Why does it happen?
Because it happens
Roll the bones
Roll the bones

Why does it happen?
Because it happens
Roll the bones
Roll the bones

Why are we here?
Because we're here
Roll the bones
Roll the bones

Why does it happen?
Because it happens
Roll the bones
Roll the bones

Why are we here?
Because we're here
Roll the bones
Roll the bones




Rush:

Rush, 6-1-97, Star Lake Amphitheater, Burgettstown, PA
Rush, 8-6-02, Post-Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA
Rush, 5-31-04, Post-Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA
Rush, 6-25-07, Post-Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA

I opted to skip a Rush concert in the fall of 2010 at Consol Energy Center.  Instead, I attended a seminar at the University of Pittsburgh featuring my favorite asymmetric warfare specialist John Robb.  Did I make the right choice?  He was predictably interesting, but ten years later, I reflect back... and must reluctantly concede that I screwed up.  Should have gone to the arena.  Rush has since retired and I never got to see them play indoors.  

Please do not share this information with Jewell Jones (D-MI), Governor Gretchen Whitmer (D-MI) and/or any elected politician from the state of Michigan. 


#328. Cyber Ninjas

Fascinating to watch how the Floridian Cyber Ninjas have secretly and stealthily invaded a Phoenix arena in a physical attempt to verify democracy.  They're recounting the votes.  And you wouldn't believe "the things" they're finding.  It's unbelievable.  One thing's for certain.  When the "audacious audit" is all said and done, we're gonna find out that the Orange Prolapse actually won the state of Arizona... by a lot!  Startling, eh?  Then, I imagine the Ninjas will dexterously regroup and head to other states where Trump lost by narrow margins.  Next stop on the mercenary express might be neighboring Georgia.

I actually checked their website.  Aside from the curious background pictures of swords and nunchucks, I noticed something unusual.  The company doesn't have a physical address.  Not even a city or P.O. Box.  This company has no headquarters.  The website doesn't mention its number of employees.  Profit and/or revenue?  Nope.  Testimonials from satisfied customers?  Nope.

The most you get is an unconvincing phone number.  941-3-NINJAS.  And a picture of some creepy, masked up, online pedophile.

 

Amazing how the Cyber Ninjas, founded in 2021 of course, managed to acquire such a prestigious contract.  A tribute to their greatness I suppose.  Hey, they're a great company.

Just for the record, Biden defeated McClown by 45,109 votes in the state of Arizona.  I'm assuming the Cyber Ninjas will discover a hidden tranche of Trump votes, probably from a nearby Del Taco dumpster.  But how many votes?  That is the question.  Hmm, I'd lay odds on that figure naturally being 45,110.       

In the interest of competent transparency, you'd think that the Ninjas might be interested in verifying a few other statewide office elections.  But nope.  This select breed of internet warrior only seems to find his/her inspiration and motivation when it comes to the Orange Prolapse.  Silly Ninjas, chad is for kids.



Cyber Ninjas
sonofsaf

Chasin’ votes to taste Stormy Daniels
Best where in the end the votes are few
Cryin’ margin to shave comes with the pitfalls
Stop the cred, stop the steal and choose

Thank you for your crime, Arizona
Thank you for the Gingrich ass of Newt
So I’m gonna exert beyond the pale
Let’s hope they smoke weed and start anew

But come out, come out west Cyber Ninjas
Come out, let’s get wild, fuck you
Come out, come on out, to Maricopa
Rules we’ll rape what have you got to lose

Yeah, I want you to come out, come out west Cyber Ninjas

I want you to come out, come out west Cyber Ninjas
I want you come out, let’s get wild, I beg you
I want you come out, let’s get wild to Maricopa
Rules we’ll rape what have you got to lose

But come out, come out west Cyber Ninjas
Come out, come on out, I beg
Come out, come on west, to Maricopa
Rules we’ll rape what have you got to lose

 

Sweet Virginia
Rolling Stones

Wadin' through the waste stormy winter
And there's not a friend to help you through
Tryin' to stop the waves behind your eyeballs
Drop your reds, drop your greens and blues

Thank you for your wine, California
Thank you for your sweet and bitter fruits
Yes I got the desert in my toenail
And I hid the speed inside my shoe

But come on, come on down Sweet Virginia
Come on, honey child, beg you
Come on, come on down, you got it in ya
Got to scrape the shit right off your shoes

Yeah, I want you to come on, come on down Sweet Virginia

I want you to come on, come on down Sweet Virginia
I want you come on, honey child, I beg you
I want you come on, honey child you got it in you
Got to scrape that shit right off your shoes

But come on, come on down Sweet Virginia
Come on, come on down, I beg
Come on, come on down, you got it in you
Got to scrape that shit right off your shoes 



Rolling Stones:

9-29-94, Three Rivers Stadium, Pittsburgh, PA

9-28-05, PNC Park, Pittsburgh, PA

6-20-15, Heinz Field, Pittsburgh, PA

7-4-15, Indianapolis Motor Speedway, Indianapolis, IN

Do not share this information with Cyber Ninjas "principle consultant" Doug Logan, former President Donald J. Trump, and/or anyone who officially oversaw the 2020 election.


Monday, April 26, 2021

#327. Dave Chappelle

I always thought Dave Chappelle would be a good candidate to broach my concerns regarding the prospect of a "dominipede" (domino stampede).  Mostly because this particular asymmetric cyberthreat is entirely undiscussable.  And if there's one person who's willing to embrace "the undiscussable," it's gotta be Dave Chappelle.  Granted, his material's usually in the realm of race relations. But I think he could bridge the gap and convincingly pull it off.  After all, the info's grounded in situational awareness and fundamental human rights.  That shit's right up his alley. 

Now from a career perspective, it probably wouldn't be an ideal move.  I seriously doubt his agent would approve.  But like I was saying... if there's one celebrity who'd be willing to take a sociological risk, it's him. And he recently started doing these podcasts too. In which case, you're always looking for fresh material.  Honestly though, the timing couldn't be any better.  As venue attendance (arenas, ballparks, stadiums, etc.) is gradually, albeit agonizingly, starting to spring back to life. 

Every once in a while, Chappelle is spotted in Wheeling (my buddy Kropp-kick cooked him up some take out from the Alpha a few years ago).  Him and his family live near Antioch University in the unlikely location of Yellow Springs, Ohio.  Straight shot on I-70 in less than 3 hours.  I visited their campus back in 1988 but ended enrolling at the University of Dayton.  Crazy to think of how different my life would've been had I gone to Antioch.  Then again, you can make that exact same argument regarding just about any major decision of consequence.

 


Dave Chappelle
sonofsaf

Mankind’s people are so untoward
Crack a few jokes to settle the score
God damn Donald Trump’s nose sure did grow
Forty-five prolapse colored orange to show

Life is funny money to lend
Life is a missile with much to defend,
Do not worry, no need to pray
Dave Chappelle’s got a lot to say

Dave Chappelle, Dave Chappelle, Dave Chappelle, Dave Chappelle,
Dave Chappelle, Dave Chappelle, Dave Chappelle, Dave Chappelle,
Dave Chappelle, Dave Chappelle, Dave Chappelle.

Hangin’ lowly big con all the while
Long red ties have never been in style
Fat ass blowin’ not payin’ his dues,
Vote for his shit what have you got lose?

Saggy buttocks look like rump roast
Morbid obesity ain’t somethin’ to boast
Let out a loud fart, oh what the hell
Searchin’ for freedom so you’re ringin’ those bells.

Dave Chappelle, Dave Chappelle, Dave Chappelle, Dave Chappelle,
Dave Chappelle, Dave Chappelle, Dave Chappelle, Dave Chappelle,
Dave Chappelle, Dave Chappelle, Dave Chappelle.

Never paid for all my crimes Stormy was hardcore
I’d like to fuck her one time more
Whoa! Mike Cohen is forced to defend,
That Jew’s gonna get fried again, again!

Baby got back McRib will explain
Pro rasslin’ bounty Vince McMahon or Shane
Makind’s people are so unkind

Dave Chappelle, Dave Chappelle, Dave Chappelle, Dave Chappelle,
Dave Chappelle, Dave Chappelle, Dave Chappelle, Dave Chappelle,
Dave Chappelle, Dave Chappelle, Dave Chappelle.

 

Might as Well
Grateful Dead

Great North Special, would you all board
You can't find a ride like that no more,
The night the chariot swung down low
Ninety-nine children had a chance to go.

One long party from front to end
Tune to the whistle going round the bend,
No great hurry, what do you say?
Might as well to be every way.

Might as well, might as well, might as well, might as well,
Might as well, might as well, might as well, might as well,
Might as well, might as well, might as well.

Ragtime slowly for twenty-five miles
Then switch over to the cajun style
Bar car blowing rhythm and blues,
Rock 'n' roll wailing in the old caboose.

Long train running from coast to coast
Bringing home a party when you need it the most
Work on the box car, beat on the bell
Nothing else shaking so you might just as well.

Might as well, might as well, might as well, might as well,
Might as well, might as well, might as well, might as well,
Might as well, might as well, might as well.

Never had such a good time in my life before
I'd like to have it one time more
Whoa! One good ride from start to end,
I'd like to take that ride again, again!

Ran out of track and I caught the plane
Back in the county with the blues again
Great North Special been on my mind

Might as well, might as well, might as well, might as well,
Might as well, might as well, might as well, might as well,
Might as well, might as well, might as well.



Grateful Dead:

04-08-89, Riverfront Coliseum, Cincinnati, OH
10-22-89, Charlotte Coliseum, Charlotte, NC
07-08-90, Three Rivers Stadium, Pittsburgh, PA
09-07-90, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
09-08-90, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
03-18-91, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
03-20-91, Capital Centre, Landover, MD ^
03-21-91, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
06-09-91, Buckeye Lake Music Center, Hebron, OH
06-14-91, RFK Stadium, Washington, D.C.
06-21-91, Soldier Field, Chicago, IL
06-24-91, Sandstone Amphitheatre, Bonner Springs, KS
09-04-91, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
09-05-91, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
09-06-91, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
06-06-92, Rich Stadium, Orchard Park, NY
06-08-92, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
06-09-92, Richifeld Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
06-11-92, Knickerbocker Arena, Albany, NY
06-12-92, Knickerbocker Arena, Albany, NY
06-14-92, Giants Stadium, East Rutherford, NJ
06-15-92, Giants Stadium, East Rutherford, NJ
06-17-92, Charlotte Coliseum, Charlotte, NC
06-18-92, Charlotte Coliseum, Charlotte, NC
06-20-92, RFK Stadium, Washington, D.C.
06-22-92, Star Lake Amphiteatre, Burgettstown, PA
06-23-92, Star Lake Amphiteatre, Burgettstown, PA
06-25-92, Soldier Field, Chicago, IL
06-26-92, Soldier Field, Chicago, IL
07-01-92, Buckeye Lake Music Center, Hebron, OH
03-14-93, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
03-17-93, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
03-18-93, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
06-11-93, Buckeye Lake Music Center, Hebron, OH
06-18-93, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
06-21-93, Deer Creek Music Center, Noblesville, IN
06-22-93, Deer Creek Music Center, Noblesville, IN
09-09-93, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
09-10-93, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
03-20-94, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
03-21-94, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
07-29-94, Buckeye Lake Music Center, Hebron, OH
03-17-95, The Spectrum, Philadelphia, PA
06-30-95, Three Rivers Stadium, Pittsburgh, PA
07-02-95, Deer Creek Music Center, Noblesville, IN*

^ - Unexpected song to close out the first set.  After the concert, in the Cap Centre parking lot, some flailing hippie skipped by me jubilantly singing "Might As Well."  Just a vivid silly memory from 30 years ago.

* - Gate Crasher

Dave Chappelle:

8-30-13, First Niagara Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA

Feel free to share this material with Dave Chappelle and/or any of his neighbors and friends in Yellow Springs, Ohio.  Tell Mr. Chappelle to gimme a ring.  I'd be more than happy to zip out, buy him a drink, and fill him in on all the "trivial" details.


#326. Kay Ivey Kay

Aside from targeting the transgender population with punitive legislation, Governor Kay Ivey from the hate (accidental typo) state of Alabama has another claim of distinction.  When faced with the dilemma of deteriorating prison conditions, she devised a plan.  She wanted the big banks to finance the construction of three brand spankin' new prisons statewide.  Top of the line facilities.  But all of the banks recently backed out.  So now she's exploring the idea of selling bonds, municipal shit, etc.

Rather than try to limit the grip of private prisons and alter the trajectory of mass incarceration, her goal is to build nicer, newer jailing facilities.  Way to roll back the clock Kay!  Just what the doctor, er uh, elderly tyrant ordered.

In the year 2021, when your governor is seriously considering a return to her retro 1950's hair-do... well, that's generally not a good sign.



Kay Ivey Kay
sonofsaf

Kay, Ivey Kay
Stay away the fuck instead
Kay, Ivey Kay
Stay away the fuck instead

The color of your grey hair
Leaves me blind
Still when you get nude
I prepare to dine

Kay, Ivey, Kay
Stay away the fuck instead
Kay, Ivey, Kay
Pray like you’re in denial

Likley not a good lay
Why you fuck us all the while

Her shit is flirty, and her -
Her ass ain’t clean
Still I stick my dick in it
Kinda mean

Kay, Ivey, Kay
Pray like you’re in denial

Your passion grows stronger when transgendered lose not win
But it’s the mere thought of fucking you
Your passion grows stronger without menstrual blood
Still her tampon, string theory too

Kay, Ivey, Kay
Stay away the fuck instead
Kay, Ivey, Kay
And pray with the right you’ll end up dead

My dong will get you when the time is right
My dong will speak to you in creamy white

Kay, Ivey, Kay
And pray with the right you’ll end up dead 


Lay Lady Lay
Bob Dylan

Lay, lady, lay
Lay across my big brass bed
Lay, lady, lay
Lay across my big brass bed

Whatever colors you have
In your mind
I'll show them to you
And you'll see them shine

Lay, lady, lay
Lay across my big brass bed
Stay, lady, stay
Stay with your man awhile

Until the break of day
Let me see you make him smile

His clothes are dirty, but his -
His hands are clean
And you're the best thing that he's
Ever seen

Stay, lady, stay
Stay with your man awhile

Why wait any longer for the world to begin?
You can have your cake and eat it too
Why wait any longer for the one you love?
When he's standing, in front of you

Lay, lady, lay
Lay across my big brass bed
Stay, lady, stay
Stay while the night is still ahead

I long to see you in the morning light
I long to reach for you in the night

Stay, lady, stay
Stay while the night is still ahead



Bob Dylan:

7-18-99, Star Lake Amphitheater, Burgettstown, PA (w/ Paul Simon)

11-5-99, Civic Arena, Pittsburgh, PA (w/ Phil Lesh)

8-6-03, Germain Amphitheater, Columbus, OH (w/ The Dead)

8-20-06, Falconi Field, Washington, PA (just driving by, we snuck in near the end)

Please do not share this material with Governor Kay Ivey (R-AL).