Ron Johnson (R-WI) is still debating whether to run for reelection.
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| (Johnson angrily blames Antifa and Black Lives Matter for the January 6, 2021 insurrection.) |
So far, five other Republican Senators, sensing their diminished political clout and potential defeat at the ballot box, have opted to retire. Johnson and his near-catatonic neighbor to the South, Chuck Grassley (R-IA) still haven't made up their minds.
Naturally, the Orange Prolapse has given Johnson an eloquent endorsement. He recently tried to get a crowd of a few hundred MAGAholics at a neo-fascist fundraising retreat in South Florida to repeat after him... "Run Ron Run! Run Ron Run!" While I'm lamentably incapable of that degree of dexterous verbiage, I will offer up a counter. In the form of a "polarody" --- a politically hilarious parody.
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| (Johnson seeking approval from the MAGA Zombie Apocalypse.) |
Dedicated to anyone who ever saw a Dead show at Alpine Valley. I did not.
He’s Ron
sonofsaf
Whinin’ like a bitch, flam artist flim, he’s from the state of Wisconsin
Likes to screw you, wants you dead, tries to steal your votes instead
Now he's Ron, now he's Ron, Lord he's Ron, he's Ron
Senatorial motives, Congressional hack
He's Ron, he's Ron with an old and saggy ball sack, he's Ron
Coup d’amid all the lies he tried, Viagra penis until he dies
Cunt wife to accuse, cheats all the while
Divorcin' me and you let’s file, file, file
Now he's Ron, now he's Ron, Lord he's Ron, he's Ron
Senatorial motives, Congressional hack
He's Ron, he's Ron with an old and saggy ball sack, he's Ron
Gonna occupy the far right lane
Midwest KKK’s gonna bring the pain
Ground and pound but the tap’s gonna make you sing
A constant attack Fox News is the game
Same old, whinin’ like a bitch, flam artist flim
he’s from the state of Wisconsin
Likes to screw you, wants you dead
Tries to steal your votes instead
Now he's Ron, now he's Ron, Lord he's Ron, he's Ron
Senatorial motives, Congressional hack
He's Ron, he's Ron with an old and saggy ball sack, he's Ron
Senatorial motives, Congressional hack
He's Ron, he's Ron with an old and saggy ball sack, he's Ron
Ooh, an old and saggy ball sack
Ooh, an old and saggy ball sack
Ooh, an old and saggy ball sack
Ooh, an old and saggy ball sack
Ooh, an old and saggy ball sack
Ooh, an old and saggy ball sack
Ooh, an old and saggy ball sack
Ooh, an old and saggy ball sack (he has no wood)
Ooh, an old and saggy ball sack
Ooh, an old and saggy ball sack
He’s Gone
Grateful Dead
Rat in a drain ditch, caught on a limb, you know better but I know him
Like I told you, what I said, steal your face right off your head
Now he's gone, now he's gone, Lord he's gone, he's gone
Like a steam locomotive, rollin' down the track
He's gone, he's gone and nothin's gonna bring him back, he's gone
Nine mile skid on a ten mile ride, hot as a pistol but cool inside
Cat on a tin roof, dogs in a pile
Nothin' left to do but smile, smile, smile
Now he's gone, now he's gone, Lord he's gone, he's gone
Like a steam locomotive, rollin' down the track
He's gone, he's gone and nothin's gonna bring him back, he's gone
Goin' where the wind don't blow so strange
Maybe off on some high cold mountain chain
Lost one round but the price wasn't anything
A knife in the back and more of the same
Same old, rat in a drain ditch, caught on a limb
You know better but I know him
Like I told you, what I said
Steal your face right off your head
He's gone, now he's gone, Lord he's gone, he's gone
Like a steam locomotive, rollin' down the track
He's gone, he's gone and nothin's gonna bring him back, he's gone
Like a steam locomotive, rollin' down the track
He's gone, he's gone and nothin's gonna bring him back, he's gone
Ooh, nothin's gonna bring him back
Ooh, nothin's gonna bring him back
Ooh, nothin's gonna bring him back
Ooh, nothin's gonna bring him back
Ooh, nothin's gonna bring him back
Ooh, nothin's gonna bring him back
Ooh, nothin's gonna bring him back
Ooh, nothin's gonna bring him back (he's gone for good)
Ooh, nothin's gonna bring him back
Ooh, nothin's gonna bring him back
This parody reminded me of a t-shirt idea I once had. Total simplicity. On the front is a small Stealie in the upper right corner. Let's go with my obligatory Mountaineer version:
And on the back it reads:
REAL BANDS
DON'T USE
Grateful Dead:
04-08-89, Riverfront Coliseum, Cincinnati, OH10-22-89, Charlotte Coliseum, Charlotte, NC
07-08-90, Three Rivers Stadium, Pittsburgh, PA
09-07-90, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
09-08-90, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
03-18-91, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
03-20-91, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
03-21-91, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
06-09-91, Buckeye Lake Music Center, Hebron, OH ^
06-14-91, RFK Stadium, Washington, D.C.
06-21-91, Soldier Field, Chicago, IL
06-24-91, Sandstone Amphitheatre, Bonner Springs, KS
09-04-91, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
09-05-91, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
09-06-91, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
06-06-92, Rich Stadium, Orchard Park, NY
06-08-92, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
06-09-92, Richifeld Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
06-11-92, Knickerbocker Arena, Albany, NY
06-12-92, Knickerbocker Arena, Albany, NY
06-14-92, Giants Stadium, East Rutherford, NJ
06-15-92, Giants Stadium, East Rutherford, NJ
06-17-92, Charlotte Coliseum, Charlotte, NC
06-18-92, Charlotte Coliseum, Charlotte, NC
06-20-92, RFK Stadium, Washington, D.C.
06-22-92, Star Lake Amphiteatre, Burgettstown, PA
06-23-92, Star Lake Amphiteatre, Burgettstown, PA
06-25-92, Soldier Field, Chicago, IL
06-26-92, Soldier Field, Chicago, IL
07-01-92, Buckeye Lake Music Center, Hebron, OH
03-14-93, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
03-17-93, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
03-18-93, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
06-11-93, Buckeye Lake Music Center, Hebron, OH
06-18-93, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
06-21-93, Deer Creek Music Center, Noblesville, IN
06-22-93, Deer Creek Music Center, Noblesville, IN
09-09-93, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
09-10-93, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
03-20-94, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
03-21-94, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
07-29-94, Buckeye Lake Music Center, Hebron, OH
03-17-95, The Spectrum, Philadelphia, PA
06-30-95, Three Rivers Stadium, Pittsburgh, PA
07-02-95, Deer Creek Music Center, Noblesville, IN*
^ - my most memorable rendition of He's Gone
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