#312. Brad

My WV protege Brad Paisley was on MSNBC yesterday morning.  Launching a Covid awareness pitch and promoting the vaccines so we can "all get back to normal."  Let's fill up those empty stadiums, ballparks and arenas.

 

Brad, just between you and me, if you're really interested in moving forward and altering the status quo,  how about you explicitly tell fans that... LEGITIMATE emergency venue evacuation orders would NEVER be delivered via their personal cell phones or mobile wireless devices.  Why?  Because if a scenario like this were to unfold, a malicious actor is trying to kill and maim innocent individuals by fomenting a sudden, mass panic potentially resulting in an "artificially generated stampede."

Just some friendly public safety info that the government and private industry are unwilling to disseminate.  Well, until something like it happens, or at the very least, is attempted.  Hint: insurrection.

Dedicated to any musician who would have the courage to tell people the truth.  So ironically, this parody is dedicated to absolutely nobody.

Brad
sonofsaf

It’s Country Time
Lemonade all night
Leather and lace
Naughty and white
I ain’t a Jew
No Matzo Meal
Manischewitz Wine
A kosher deal
Cum On, Cum On,
Let’s ham it up tonight

I say P U.
Just wait and see
You’re smelling rough
It’s you not me
In a cunt-tree zoo
All the way down South
Paisley Park’s my name
Three strikes and yer out

Well they say Snoop Dogg’s the shiznit
And his Nineteen Crimes are true
In the end he wasn’t bluffing
Just cut the deck and screw

Because he’s Brad, he’s Brad
Cum on
(Brad Brad-really, really Brad)
You know he’s Brad, he’s Brad
You know it
(Brad Brad-really, really Brad)
You know he’s Brad, he’s Brad
Cum on, you know
(Brad Brad-really, really Brad)
Country Music’s handin’ out awards right now
And his facebook needs a friend
Who's Brad…

No need to pout
Or sing a song
Gonna fuck you up
With a West Lib bong
These chicken thighs
And a cold Bud Light
You know whazzup
Wasabi bite
Bob Weir’s a creep
The Dead’s the plan
Yer Throwing Stones >
NFA man

But they say Snoop Dogg’s the shiznit
And his Nineteen Crimes are true
In the end he wasn’t bluffing
Just cut the deck and screw

Because he’s Brad, he’s Brad
Cum On
(Brad Brad-really, really Brad)
You know he’s Brad, he’s Brad
You know It
(Brad Brad-really, really Brad)
You know he’s Brad, he’s Brad
You know it, You know
(Brad Brad-really, really Brad)
Country Music’s handin’ out awards right now
(Country Music’s handin’ out awards right now)
And his facebook needs a friend,
(And his facebook needs a friend)
Who's Brad…

All the black girls watched in sorrow
Derek Chauvin carried mace
Doesn’t matter if you’re prayin’
Go fuck the human race…

Because he’s Brad, he’s Brad
Cum On
(Brad Brad-really, really Brad)
You know he’s Brad, he’s Brad
You know it
(Brad Brad-really, really Brad)
You know he’s Brad, I'm Brad
You know it, you know
(Brad Brad-really, really Brad)

Woo! Woo! Woo!
(Country Music’s handin’ out awards right now
And his facebook needs a friend)…
You know he’s Brad, he’s Brad
Cum On
(Brad Brad-really, really Brad)
You know he’s Brad, he’s Brad
You know it-you know it
(Brad Brad-really, really Brad)
You know, you know, you
Know, cum on
(Brad Brad-really, really Brad)
Country Music’s handin’ out awards right now
(Country Music’s handin’ out awards right now)
And his facebook
(And his facebook needs a friend)

You know he’s nude, he’s
Brad, you know it
(Brad Brad-really, really Brad)
You know he’s Brad, he’s
Brad baby
(Brad Brad-really, really Brad)
You know, you know, you
Know it, Cum on
(Brad Brad-really, really Brad)
Country Music’s handin’ out awards right now
(Country Music’s handin’ out awards right now)
Woo!
(And his facebook needs a friend)

You know he’s Brad, he’s Brad
You know it
(Brad Brad-really, really Brad)
You know he’s Brad-you
Know-hoo!
(Brad Brad-really, really Brad)
You know he’s  Brad-he’s Bad-
You know it, you know
(Brad Brad-really, really Brad)
Country Music’s handin’ out awards right now
(Country Music’s handin’ out awards right now)
And his facebook needs a friend
(And his facebook needs a friend)
Who's Brad?

Fat
Weird Al Yankovic

Your Butt Is Mine
Gonna Take You Right
Just Show Your Face
In Broad Daylight
I'm Telling You
On How I Feel
Gonna Hurt Your Mind
Don't Shoot To Kill
Come On, Come On,
Lay It On Me All Right

I'm Giving You
On Count Of Three
To Show Your Stuff
Or Let It Be
I'm Telling You
Just Watch Your Mouth
I Know Your Game
What You're About

Well They Say The Sky's
The Limit
And To Me That's Really True
But My Friend You Have
Seen Nothing
Just Wait 'Til I Get Through

Because I'm Bad, I'm Bad-
Come On
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)
You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad-
You Know It
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)
You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad-
Come On, You Know
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)
And The Whole World Has To
Answer Right Now
Just To Tell You Once Again,
Who's Bad . . .

The Word Is Out
You're Doin' Wrong
Gonna Lock You Up
Before Too Long,
Your Lyin' Eyes
Gonna Take You Right
So Listen Up
Don't Make A Fight,
Your Talk Is Cheap
You're Not A Man
You're Throwin' Stones
To Hide Your Hands

But They Say The Sky's
The Limit
And To Me That's Really True
And My Friends You Have
Seen Nothin'
Just Wait 'Til I Get Through

Because I'm Bad, I'm Bad-
Come On
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)
You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad
You Know It
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)
You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad
You Know It, You Know
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)
And The Whole World Has To
Answer Right Now
(And The Whole World Has To
Answer Right Now)
Just To Tell You Once Again,
(Just To Tell You Once Again)
Who's Bad . . .

We Can Change The World
Tomorrow
This Could Be A Better Place
If You Don't Like What I'm
Sayin'
Then Won't You Slap My
Face . . .

Because I'm Bad, I'm Bad
Come On
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)
You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad
You Know It
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)
You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad
You Know It, You Know
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)

Woo! Woo! Woo!
(And The Whole World Has
To Answer Right Now
Just To Tell You Once
Again . . .)
You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad
Come On
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)
You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad
You Know It-You Know It
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)
You Know, You Know, You
Know, Come On
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)
And The Whole World Has To
Answer Right Now
(And The Whole World Has To
Answer Right Now)
Just To Tell You
(Just To Tell You Once Again)

You Know I'm Smooth, I'm
Bad, You Know It
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)
You Know I'm Bad, I'm
Bad Baby
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)
You Know, You Know, You
Know It, Come On
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)
And The Whole World Has To
Answer Right Now
(And The Whole World Has To
Answer Right Now)
Woo!
(Just To Tell You Once Again)

You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad
You Know It
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)
You Know I'm Bad-You
Know-Hoo!
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)
You Know I'm Bad-I'm Bad-
You Know It, You Know
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)
And The Whole World Has To
Answer Right Now
(And The Whole World Has To
Answer Right Now)
Just To Tell You Once Again
(Just To Tell You Once
Again
Who's Bad?

I've seen Brad play countless times.  More than I'd care to admit.  A few Linsly Extravaganzas at the Capitol Music Hall, at West Liberty State College out in the quad, Wheeling's downtown Wharf Amphitheater, Oglebay, Star Lake, Jamboree In The Hills, a jamboree in my dreams, etc. 

But more importantly, I watched Weird Al Yankovic perform a matinee slot at Jambo from my Oglebay Village apartment.  (July 14, 2000: televised live on WTOV-9)  He closed it out with a phat Fat.  Predictably, the drunken country music inbreds of Wheeling and East Ohio tried to boo him off the stage.  Hardly a shocker. 

Feel free to share this information with Brad Paisley and/or Weird Al Yankovic.