Friday, August 29, 2008


Please forgive my pedestrian poetry and irreverant rhyme
about a man who votes with Bush Jr., 90% of the time

Just some ramblings, in the form of a poem
To honor a man, who just bought a seventh home.

His name I regard, with a great deal of disdain
He lives near my parents, his name's John McCain

His lack of an agenda, is difficult to feign
so all he'll run, is a negative campaign

Obama's celebrity status, is something he mocks
but just look at his wife, with the excessive botox

He has been known, for his straight talk expression
Yet fails to understand, our economic depression

His energy policy is not very thrilling
It consists of three major ideas: drilling, drilling, drilling

His stance on abortion, is easy to decipher
Just what we needed, another pro-lifer

His foreign policy, is difficult to muster
the same Bush nonsense, of courage and bluster

Instead of following Bin Laden to the "fiery gates of hell"
how about searching for Al-Queda in the caves where they dwell

The past two terms, have been really rough
It's time to acknowledge, that EIGHT IS ENOUGH

So tell Johnny Mac, go back to Arizona
remain in the senate, and blabber bologna

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Getting grilled at the Met

I just had another rousing experience at the Metropolitan Grill. Mark I. and I just had lunch there. We walked in and the place was pretty slammed. Almost all the tables were full. Saf's mental list of rules and regulations requires that we get there by 11:50am. If you get there after 12pm, the service can be atrocious. This is a direct result of the owner hiring/firing people as though it's a bodily function. Half the staff is new everytime you dine at the Met. Anyway, we blundered and arrived at 12:15pm. I'll take the heat on this one.
A portly male waiter with a well-kept multi-tiered ponytail and a large loop earing sat us at one of those standing tables off to the side but in direct full view of all the patrons. The first thing I noticed was that our table was off-kilter. I remarked, "This is going to bug me." I remedied the situation by removing both of my sandals and surrepticiously placed them beneath each leg. Problem solved as Mark gazed his approval. By the way, as most of you know, I usually dress like a homeless bum. Today this was not the case. I had a nice collared golf shirt on. However, I was wearing a ballcap. This will become relevant later in the story. A strange musical combination of Chaka Khan followed by a Lita Ford/Ozzy Osbourne was on the satellite radio. That song "When I close my eyes forever" is an example of poor dining music. There's good and there's not good. This was not good. Our waiter eventually returned to take our drink order. I had a water w/ lemon and Mark had an iced tea. Both arrived in tact a few minutes later. I remarked that I had serious doubts we'd get a complimentary baucket of bread, even though the "dipping plate" was already on the table. It was just a hunch since I'd never seen this particular waiter there in the past. He came back about 5 mintues later to take our order. I had the yellow fin tuna salad and Mark ordered a steak salad. About 35 minutes later our salads arrived, but with one exception. Mine didn't remotely resemble a salad. In actuality, it was the exact opposite of a salad. It was a plate of bow-tie pasta drenched in an alfredo cream sauce with 2 steak medallions in the middle. I remained silent. The last thing I was going to do was bitch and have it take another half hour to throw some greens on a plate. Mark looked at me and said, "I figured you wouldn't say anything." I repsonded, "Well, what the fuck, if I complain we'll never get the hell outta here. Just give me the food and they make me eat." - something to that affect.
Oddly enough, I was really hungry and the dish itself was pretty damn good. Still no bread though but I could cope with that. About 10 minutes later our waiter came over and discreetly leaned in. I was absolutely POSITIVE he was going to say something like, "I'm so sorry sir, did you order a salad?" Instead, he softly said, "Excuse me sir, you're going to have to put your shoes on." I look at him and replied, "I know, I know. But the table is really wobbly. I had to use the sandals to even it out." He looks back, and says, "Yes, but if the health inspector were to show up, we could all be in a heap of trouble." He looked at me with a slightly more forceful look and said, "Here, allow me. It's just a loose tile." He started lifting up the table so I could retrieve my sandals. And lo and behold, he was right. Problem solved. He said thank you and quickly exited. Mark noticed a guy with a disgusted frown in the distance. I was actually a little embarrased over the incident. But hey, we live in West Virginia, right?
I told Mark, "Jesus Christ, I really thought he was going to apologize for screwing up the order." That's what Mark thought he was going to say as well. I reflected back on the ordering miscue. Perhaps I should have said something. What if someone got a salad instead of a heavy pasta entree? They'd probably be more disappointed and less inclined to let it go. The bill came and Mark paid - probably because he felt I was a shoeless dirtbag and took pity upon my socio-economic standing. To be truthful, I think I got lunch last time.
In appreciation he received my two latest Top 10 t-shirts (Top 10 Vacation Destinations near Wheeling, WV & Top 10 Sex Moves in Wheeling, WV). If you read my blog, but don't read and would like to purchase either or both, just shoot me an email ( or post a comment and I'll send you paypal instructions. Perhaps my new arch nemesis blogger at the University of Pittsburgh might be intersted in some new attire. Well...., maybe not.
And we still never got any bread.

Thursday, August 07, 2008

How to defeat McCain

After the VP running mates have been chosen and the dust settles from the conventions, the real race for the presidency will begin. There will be the continual punch, counterpunch and the constant attacks regarding experience, taxes and all the other issues. But let's face it, the candidates represent both the left and right of the political spectrum, so it's common sense to conclude that pretty much everyone has already decided who they'll vote for. However, there's still about 5-10% of the voters who haven't chosen a candidate. I would refer to this segment as "people who faithfully vote but honestly don't have an active interest in politics." They go to work, pay their taxes and raise their family but just aren't interested in the political scene. They quietly conclude; well, I'll vote because it's my civic duty but it really doesn't make a difference anyway. Perhaps they have a point. These people represent a VERY important segment of the voting population, especially this year. These are the voters you need to sway - the tiny fraction of undecideds.
It seems as though the Republican strategy will be to make Obama look like a celebrity who doesn't have the necessary experience. He'll raise your taxes and prematurely withdraw from Iraq. They'll try to make it a generally negative campaign about HIM. Probably a wise strategy.
The Dems will try to tie McCain to the past 8 years of the failed Bush administration. They'll portray him to some extent as a war-monger who wants to attack Iran, give further tax breaks to big oil companies and basically follow in the footsteps of Bush/Cheney. Considering the current unpopularity of Bush, that's probably the right way to go. And of course they'll push the change agenda.
So the attacks will continue back and forth. The 3 presidential debates could provide a huge opportunity for success or failure. The candidates will be well-prepped for just about anything but the most obscure issues. However, I think there's an opening for Obama on a critical issue that you rarely hear discussed in the media - THE OVER-REACHING POWER OF
THE EXECUTIVE BRANCH under the Bush/Cheney administration. I think here's where Obama could really put the nail in McCain's coffin. Whether or not you agree with the invasion/occupation/liberation of Iraq, almost everyone could agree on one point. The policy was set forth by Bush, Cheney and Rumsfeld and their cohorts. They set the agenda and had the CIA wrap the intelligence around it. I'm not going to debate whether they were right or wrong, or whether the invasion of Iraq was a success or failure. But I think the vast majority of the country would agree that Bush has upset the checks and balances of the three branches of our government. This has led to increased partisanship, diviseness and vitriole between the major parties.
If Obama could make this case and explain that if he were elected, an Obama administration would take immediate action to restore the checks and balances of our govt., I think it would resonate with voters. Hey, here's a guy seeking the presidency who's genuinely worried about the abuse of the executive branch. If we elect him, he'll go to great lengths to ensure that our president acts within the confines of the constitution and not as a king or despot. He's actually willing to roll back the power of the presidency. Obama could also bring up the rampant cronyism that revolves around Bush and the all the poor appontiments, failed cabinet positions and a huge list of premature resignations.
This strategy is good for 2 big reasons - A. McCcain won't know what hit him and how to defend himself. He'll be totally unprepared for this line of attack. B. It would successfully tie McCain to the past 8 years of Bush/Cheney - this is the recipe for a grand slam. It also crushes any remaining appeal that McCain had as a maverick. You might be thinking, oh Saf, this kind of constitutional mumbo jumbo won't appeal to anyone. I totally disagree. After months of hearing the back and forth about taxes, gas prices, mortgage foreclosures, etc. blah, YOU NEED A NEW ISSUE. You'd have to frame the argument well. I think Obama and his team could convey it without sounding too egalitarian. This argument TRANSCENDS the political tit-for-tat and would dominate the news cycle. Trust me, MCain would be look like a deer in highlights. It would only work in the debates and you'd have to choose your timing. I suppose it would work in a town hall setting as well, which would be devastating to McCain.
Once again, I'm not trying to make the argument that Bush has been good or bad (trust me, he's totally incompetent and has never grasped or understood the magnitude of the office). I just think this would be a homerun for Obama. It's a no lose proposition for him. It also ties in well with the repetitive notions of "change" and "a new forward looking future." Plus, it would set a new precedent after 8 years of dictating policy rather than developing policy. Obmam would be regarded as thoughtful and contemplaitve rather than brash and arrogant, like McCain/Bush. It also helps Obama get away with nuanced stances on a myriad of major issues, which could be a problem for him as election day draws close should the Republican 527s unleash aanother wave of "flip-flop" ads which absolutely killed John Kerry in 2004.