#3006. TikTok

Earlier this morning, the Orange Prolapse posted his thoughts about the current TikTok controversy.

I’m asking companies not to let TikTok stay dark! I will issue an executive order on Monday to extend the period of time before the law’s prohibitions take effect, so that we can make a deal to protect our national security. The order will also confirm that there will be no liability for any company that helped keep TikTok from going dark before my order.
 
Americans deserve to see our exciting Inauguration on Monday, as well as other events and conversations.
 
I would like the United States to have a 50% ownership position in a joint venture.  By doing this, we save TikTok, keep it in good hands and allow it to say up.  Without U.S. approval, there is no Tik Tok.  With our approval, it is worth hundreds of billions of dollars - maybe trillions. 
 
Therefore, my initial thought is a joint venture between the current owners and/or new owners whereby the U.S. gets a 50% ownership in a joint venture set up between the U.S. and whichever purchase we so choose.

 

A triumvirate of orange jimmie-inspired Trump Dumps!

Tikkin & Tokkin!  Snoopin & Poopin!  Trumpin & Dumpin!

 

 

TikTok
sonofsaf

Fuck you, The Trumper flags unfurled, all around the world
Chinese TikTok, Chinese Tok Tok
Sexuality, for any price
Any price

Fuck you, The Trumper flags unfurled, pornographic girls
Chinese TikTok, Chinese Tok Tok
Chinese TikTok, Chinese Tok Tok

Forty-five’s inbred, shout-out Bud Light
Sing out strong Proud Boys will fight
Sing out strong you kosher Jew
Hey, Lake Tahoe ain’t funny [x4]

That twat’s all about money
Hey, Lake Tahoe ain’t funny

 

Bangkok
Destroyer

Like you, I've been around the world, seen a million girls
I've seen Bangkok, I've seen Bangkok
Black, blue, red, YZ, oh very nice
Very nice

Like you, I've been around the world, worn a million pearls
I've seen Bangkok, I've seen Bangkok
I've seen Bangkok, I've seen Bangkok

So bring out your dead, bring out the light
Bring out your dark birds in flight
Bring out your red roses too
Hey, what's got into Sunny? [x4]

Oh, what's got into Sunny?
Hey, what's got into Sunny?

"Destroyer" (peculiar nickname for a Ray LaMontagne rip-off, eh?) has destroyed the Burgh just once.  At Club Cafe on the South Side in the fall of 2016.  I was not in attendance.  That venue closed last year in 2024.  These days, the South Side is essentially a concentrated triumvirate of 3 corporate entities.  

Bars, tattoo parlors, and vaping shops.

The Big Lie 100: (#2129)

#3000.  Kash (Stash --- Phish)

#3001.  Keith Sonderling (Jesus Is King --- Selah)

#3002.  Bannon (Cannon --- Jack White)

#3003.  Kash (Trash --- New York Dolls)

#3004.  Ashley Moody (Call Of Duty --- Anvil)

#3005.  Kash (Trash --- Silverchair)

#3006.  TikTok (Bangkok --- Destroyer)

 

Please do not share this material with TikTok CEO Shou Zi Chew and/or incoming President Donald J. Trump.

 

#3005. Kash

During his upcoming Senate hearing for FBI Secretary, K$H Patel will likely be asked about his affiliation with Q-Anon.  Democratic lawmakers engaged in satanism & cannabilism, Hillary's Clinton's underground pizza shop child sex-trafficking ring, Jewish space lasers tampering with the 2020 election, and so on and so forth.  You know... the normal GOP talking points.

Still, I'm more concerned about the Pirates rough start to the season.

Kooch signing autographs at Pirates Fest 2025.

Down at the David Lawrence Convention Center, Andrew McLovin' appears oblivious.

Coulda been worse I suppose.  Think in terms of Andrew Mohammed.

Sheetz was a major sponsor at this year's Pirates Fest.  

"Trooper give 'em Teddy Hug-a-Bear!  Makes 'em understand!" --- Chapter 2.

In conjunction with owner Bob Nutting, they're giving away diminutive beef stick samples.

Who knew you could get a whopping dozen 1 inch samples from a single meat stick?  

Who knew?  Nutting knew!

Quantities are limited to one sample per entrant.

Wrong venue.  It's called PNC Puke, A$$HOLE!

For their home opener, the Buccos will be hosting the New York Yankees (April 4-6).

 

Kash
sonofsaf

First Lady whore!

Dumb cunt! Ivanka’s the enemy
Stormy Daniels her tits are pornography
Dumb cunt! Ivanka’s the enemy
Fuck around and find out screw Democracy - no!

Blow!

Trump dined and he feeded - fries and a McDouble  
Forty-seven’s fat n’at guilty of treason
Dope and, piece of shit with his seven sins and no repentance
Jag-off, of all trades will fuck you up

Donald’s!
Toilet might!
Stall is great!

Proud Boys and the insurrection

Yeah, yeah
Hey, hey, hey, hey
Yay
Ugggh!

 

Trash
Silverchair

One, two, three, four!

Welcome! Nothing short of anarchy
It's so hard to find out who you wanna be
Welcome! Nothing short of anarchy
It's so hard to find out who you wanna be - oh!

Go!

I couldn't find what you needed - ooh to be a double
A big pill but you know that you need a poison
Open, you need it but I returned the point of acceptance
How brave, your parades never do much

Violence!
Hopeless fight!
Call it straight!

Big black steel cap dealt rejection

Yeah, yeah
Hey, hey, hey, hey
Yay
Ugggh!

 

 

Another parody of the obscure Silverchair tune.  I also penned # #1964.  Kash.  

I knew this song seemed familiar but I couldn't quite place my finger on it.

Silverchair has never played the Burgh.

The Big Lie 100: (#2129)

#3000.  Kash (Stash --- Phish)

#3001.  Keith Sonderling (Jesus Is King --- Selah)

#3002.  Bannon (Cannon --- Jack White)

#3003.  Kash (Trash --- New York Dolls)

#3004.  Ashley Moody (Call Of Duty --- Anvil)

#3005.  Kash (Trash --- Silverchair)

 

Please do not share this material with Kash Patel and/or incoming President Donald J. Trump.

#3004. Ashley Moody

Just yesterday, Governor Ron DeSanctimonious appointed Florida's Attorney General "Assy Booty" to fill Marco Rubio's Senate seat.

 

Ashley Moody!

Congratulations.

Dark MAGA?  Uh... technically no.  Brown MAGA?  Uh, yep.

Dahntahn Dump Justice n'at. (Never a Trumper)

Plenty o' Dahntahn Dumps ahead of the NFL draft which will be held in Shittsburgh.

 

Ashley Moody
sonofsaf

Donald’s insurrection is nicknamed Forty-five
Trump’s back in the saddle on Stormy overdrive
Trans-lovin’ Bud Light Big Mac he will feed
Trump Vodka bartender is sobriety indeed

Ashley Moody, Senator whore
Ashley Moody, settle the score

The constant self-deflection still spreading the big lie
Believes in prostitution, Slovenians and apple pie

Ashley Moody, Senator whore
Ashley Moody, settle the score

Donald’s hair is less not more, Nancy Pelosi was too hardcore
Depends dependence J-6 hostage choir
Constant psychobabble fury and the fire
Ivanka fuckin’ Kushner is probably gay
And Jared Jewboy Kushner is a kosher display

Ashley Moody, Senator whore
Ashley Moody, settle the score
Ashley Moody, Senator whore
Ashley Moody, settle the score

 

Call Of Duty
Anvil

Use your ammunition to keep yourself alive
Onward to the battle the struggle to survive
Never ending fight and will to succeed
Never to surrender and refusal to concede

Call of Duty, theatre of war
Call of Duty, to live for more

Get set for confrontation take cover kill or die
Receive your retribution another chance to live and try

Call of Duty, theatre of war
Call of Duty, to live for more

All is fair in love and war, kill the enemy even the score
Anger and vengeance the fuel for the fire
Living through the battle never to retire
Nobility and honor to the final day
Patriotic endeavor for the cause you must stay

Call of Duty, theatre of war
Call of Duty, to live for more
Call of Duty, theatre of war
Call of Duty, to live for more

 

Anvil likely intended this song to be a superior metal anthem.  But to be candid, it's just a "dullard yawner."  Meh.

From 1988 to 2022, Anvil has hammered the Burgh a grand total of 5 times.  Twice at the Electric Banana, Altar Bar in the Strip, Grim's Roadhouse in Imperial, and the Crafthouse in Whitehall.  Never seen 'em.

The Big Lie 100: (#2128)

#3000.  Kash (Stash --- Phish)

#3001.  Keith Sonderling (Jesus Is King --- Selah)

#3002.  Bannon (Cannon --- Jack White)

#3003.  Kash (Trash --- New York Dolls)

#3004.  Ashley Moody (Call Of Duty --- Anvil)

 

Please do not share this material with Ashley Moody and/or incoming President Donald J. Trump.