#3199. Garrity

Pennsylvania State Treasurer Stacy Garrity, often referred to as "Insurrection Barbie," convincingly defeated her fellow Republicans in a recent straw poll for the governor's race in 2026.  

Garrity and the Trump are all smiles.  Thumbs up... your ass.

Let's Garrity's recent success with the coveted Orange Prolapse Award.

 

Assuming she wins her primary, she would face Governor Josh Shapiro (D-PA).

 

In related news, Shapiro and his family had to flee the Governor's mansion at 2am when Cody Balmer, a Trump pardoned J-6 hostage, tried to murder his entire family.  

Balmer, a Proud Boy from Harrisburg, was enraged that 412 day was being overshadowed by the first night of Passover.  Sounds about right.

 

 

Police said Balmer's objective was to carry on the tradition of "Hammertime."  Balmer allegedly expressed profuse admiration for David DePape, the man who attacked Paul Pelosi with a hammer.  DePape was sentenced to 30 years.  Naturally, Trump is considering a pardon for both of them.

 

If I was Shapiro, I'd make an official statement that you're concerned about the prospect of Trump eventually giving Balmer a pardon... with his sole motivation being to own the libs.

 

Garrity
sonofsaf

The fake news turds on libtard MSNBC
Their gay twats are here to stay
Gay as mushroom meat

Down the syndrome of a clown, U.S. Blues*
Down the syndrome of a clown
The Dow is down, and the NASDAQ’s in doubt

Stormy’s cunt was wetter
Job to blow tiny mushroom fuck
Stormy’s cunt was wetter
Kushner is a Jewboy putz
Stormy’s cunt was wetter
All this shit, is so fucked up
Ivanka’s cooch you’ll discover

Crucified, deepening anal sin
Crucified, his asshole is stinking

Down the syndrome of a clown, U.S. Blues
Down the syndrome of a clown
The Dow is down, and the NASDAQ’s in doubt

Stormy’s cunt was wetter
Job to blow tiny mushroom fuck
Stormy’s cunt was wetter
Kushner is a Jewboy putz
Stormy’s cunt was wetter
All this shit, is so fucked up
Ivanka’s cooch you’ll discover
His crime is nonstop

Ivanka’s cooch you’ll discover
His crime is fucked up

Stormy’s cunt was wetter
Job to blow tiny mushroom fuck
Stormy’s cunt was wetter
Kushner is a Jewboy putz
Stormy D. was nude
‘Cause all this shit, is so fucked up
Ivanka’s cooch you’ll discover
His crime is nonstop

 

Clarity
Jimmy Eat World

I'll take your words as if you were talking to me
So say what I know you'll say
Say it through your teeth

Now in the deep and down, your heart moves
Now in the deep and down
I don't know how, but I know I want out

Wait for something better
Will I know when it can be us?
Wait for something better
Maybe that doesn't mean us
Wait for something better?
I shouldn't, it's not enough
Pull one excuse from another

And with pride, keep every failure in
And with pride, hold on to your sinking

Now in the deep and down, your heart moves
Now in the deep and down
I don't know how, but I know I want out

Wait for something better
Will I know when it can be us?
Wait for something better
Maybe that doesn't mean us
Wait for something better?
I shouldn't, it's not enough
Pull one excuse from another
This time it means stop

Pull one excuse from another
This time it means us

Wait for something better
Will I know when it can be us?
Wait for something better
Maybe that doesn't mean us
Wait for something good?
No, I shouldn't, it's not enough
Pull one excuse from another
This time it means stop

This parody... this is not my kind of parody.

Just not feelin' it.  I tend to be pretty anti-emo.

From 1997 to the present, Jimmy Eat World has consumed the Burgh a grand total of 14 times.  Never seen 'em.

The Big Lie 100: (#2320)

#3000.  Kash (Stash --- Phish)

#3001.  Keith Sonderling (Jesus Is King --- Selah)

#3002.  Bannon (Cannon --- Jack White)

#3003.  Kash (Trash --- New York Dolls)

#3004.  Ashley Moody (Call Of Duty --- Anvil)

#3005.  Kash (Trash --- Silverchair)

#3006.  TikTok (Bangkok --- Destroyer)

#3007.  Michael Vrabel (God Is Able --- Planetshakers)

#3008.  Kristi Lynn Noem (Autumn In Rome --- Tony Bennett)

#3009.  Noem (Rome --- Destroyer)

#3010.  Mulligan's Big Lie (Mulligan's Big Lie --- Lin Manuel Miranda)

#3011.  Kristi Lynn Noem (Under A Dome --- Of Monsters And Men)

#3012.  Hegseth (Macbeth --- Frank Turner & Jon Snodgrass)

#3013.  Trumpin' & Dumpin' (Garden Of Eden --- Ratt)

#3014.  Trumpin' & Dumpin' (Garden Of Eden --- Harem Scarem)

#3015.  Trumpin' & Dumpin' (Garden Of Eden --- Paula Cole)

#3016.  Kristi Noem (Heart Of Rome --- Elvis Presley)

#3017.  Ivanka's A Cunt (Memories Of Love --- Chicago)

#3018.  The J-6 Hostages (Song For The Hostages --- Five For Fighting)

#3019.  Stormy D.'s A Cunt (Memory Of Love --- Elton John)

#3020.  Jeff Van Drew (Thru And Thru --- Rolling Stones)

#3021.  Jeff Van Drew (Not For You --- Pearl Jam)

#3022.  Daniel Ball (Alcohol --- Butthole Surfers)

#3023.  Oath Keeper Rhodes (So Many Roads --- Grateful Dead)

#3024.  Pardon (Garden --- Pearl Jam)

#3025.  Noem Crust (Dome Rust --- Guided by Voices)

#3026.  Trump Dumpin' Rage (The Golden Age --- Cracker)

#3027.  Trumpin' 'n Dumpin' (Garden Of Eden --- Chinchilla)

#3028.  Proud Boys (Bad Boys --- Inner Circle)

#3029.  Guy Reffitt (Forget It --- Rodriguez)

#3030.  Reffitt (Bullshit --- Guttermouth)

#3031.  Oath Keeper Rhodes (So Many Roads --- Joe Bonamassa)

#3032.  Trump Forever (Come Together --- Soundgarden)

#3033.  Trump Trump Trump (Dump Dump Dump --- Urge Overkill)

#3034.  Donald J. Trump's A Clown (Who Can It Be Now --- Men At Work)

#3035.  Proud Boys Will Defile (Bad Boys Running Wild --- Scorpions)

#3036.  Proud Boys (Bad Boys --- Whitesnake)

#3037.  Hegseth (Last Breath --- Low)

#3038.  Trump Wants A Tariff (I Shot The Sheriff --- Bob Marley & The Wailers)

#3039.  A Tariff (The Sheriff --- The Strumbellas)

#3040.  Andrew Kloster (Great Imposter --- The Fleetwoods)

#3041.  Go To Hell / Benjamin Black (Morning Bell / Amnesiac --- Radiohead)

#3042.  Netanyahu (Who's Cheatin' Who --- Alan Jackson)

#3043.  Trump's A Cunt (For Your Love --- The Yardbirds)

#3044.  Brendan Carr (Lucky Star --- Madonna)

#3045.  Marocco's Load (Tobacco Road --- David Lee Roth)

#3046.  Brendan Carr (lucky star --- Nessa Barrett)

#3047.  Noem (Rome --- Yeasayer)

#3048.  Brendan Carr (Superstar --- Social Distortion)

#3049.  FCC's Brendan Carr (You Are My Lucky Star --- Gene Kelly & Debbie Reynolds)

#3050. McClain (Insane --- The Hives)

#3051.  Paula White (Fly By Night --- Rush)

#3052.  Paula White (Candlelight --- The Mystery Writers)

#3053.  Paula White (Dynamite --- Son Volt)

#3054.  Elon Musk's DOGE (Holiday Road --- Lindsey Buckingham)

#3055.  Unanue (Day By Day --- The Hooters)

#3056.  Finland's Howard Brodie (On Top Of Old Smoky --- Burl Ives)

#3057.  Elon's DOGE (Vintage Clothes --- Paul McCartney)

#3058.  Paula White (Parasite --- Kiss)

#3059.  Brendan Carr (Caviar --- Wavves)

#3060.  Taake's Fuckin' Gay (Rocky Mountain Way --- Joe Walsh)

#3061.  Brendan Carr (lucky star --- Ricky Nelson)

#3062.  Whore Paula White's A Cunt (Your Inner Light Is Love --- Right Said Fred)

#3063.  The Biggest Lie (I Wonder Why --- Sha Na Na)

#3064.  Nancy Mace (Damage Case --- Motorhead)

#3065.  Emil Bove (Hello Hooray --- Alice Cooper)

#3066.  Paula White (Dynamite --- Mr. Kitty)

#3067.  Paula White (Dynamite --- Sly & The Family Stone)

#3068.  Kellogg (Black Dog --- Led Zeppelin)

#3069.  Kellogg (Hot Dog --- Elvis Presley)

#3070.  JD Vance (Take A Chance --- Olivia Newton-John & John Travolta)

#3071.  Kellogg (Hot Dog --- They Might Be Giants)

#3072.  JD Vance (Second Chance --- Lemonheads)

#3073.  Trance (Vance --- Screeching Weasel)

#3074.  JD Vance (Second Chance --- Don Williams)

#3075.  Kellogg (Hot Dog --- Mark Knopfler)

#3076.  JD Vance (If By Chance --- Patti LaBelle)

#3077.  Edward Robert Martin (Fightin' Fuckin' Fartin' --- Wheeler Walker Jr.)

#3078.  Vance (Dance --- Jesus Culture)

#3079.  Tucker (Sucker --- Marcus King)

#3080.  Congressman Hern's Pink Slime (If I Could Turn Back Time --- Cher)

#3081.  Turn! Turn! Turn!  (Hern! Hern! Hern! --- The Byrds)

#3082.  Hern's A Fuckin' Cunt (Turn My Back On Love --- Triumph)

#3083.  Hern's A Fuckin' Cunt (Turn It Into Love --- Kylie Minogue)

#3084.  Terry Cole (Rock And Roll --- Led Zeppelin)

#3085.  Tenney's A Piece Of Shit (Any Way You Want It --- The Ramones)

#3086.  Jack Posobiec (Right Side Of My Neck --- Faye Webster)

#3087.  JD Vance (Song And Dance --- Buck Owens)

#3088.  JD Vance (If By Chance --- Dean Martin)

#3089.  JD Vance (Take A Chance --- Chicago)

#3090.  Usha (Russia --- Tori Amos)

#3091.  JD Vance (Half A Chance --- Carly Simon)

#3092.  JD Vance (Half A Chance --- Vince Gill)

#3093.  Schimel Plan (Simple Man --- Lynyrd Skynyrd)

#3094.  Schimel (Simple --- Phish)

#3095.  Caine (Rain --- Planetshakers)

#3096.  Caine (Rain --- Skinny Puppy)

#3097.  Caine (Rain --- Rusted Root)

#3098.  Caine (Rain --- Grateful Dead)

#3099.  Dan Bongino (Love Casino --- Lenny Kravitz)

#3100.  Bongino (Casino --- Gleemer)

#3101.   Trumpin' Dumpin' Ass: He's Always Shittin' --- (Living Loving: She's Just A Woman --- Led Zeppelin)

#3102.  JD Vance (Song And Dance --- The Sound)

#3103.  Amy Gleason (Feels Like Treason --- Magnum)

#3104.  Jimmy Fuckin' Comer (Gary's Got A Boner --- The Replacements)

#3105.  Gleason (Reason --- The Cranberries)

#3106.  The Donald's Gay (This Is The Day --- The The)

#3107.  Dan Caine (Cocaine -- Eric Clapton)

#3108.  Ryan Woods (Damaged Goods --- Stabbing Westward)

#3109.  Cincinnati's Charlie Hustle (Colostomy Jigsaw Puzzle --- Cattle Decapitation)

#3110.  Charlie Hustle (Picture Puzzle --- Shirley Bassey)

#3111.  Marshall's Cock (Martial Law --- Ghostmane)

#3112.  Marshall's Cock (Martial Law --- Ookay)

#3113.  Floyd Joy Mayweather (Let's Stay Together --- Al Green)

#3114.  Brian Glenn (Now And Then --- The Beatles)

#3115.  Gleason Is A Cunt (Seasons In The Sun --- Terry Jacks)

#3116.  John Ratcliffe Baby (Take A Whiff On Me --- The Byrds)

#3117.  Hey Ukraine (Hey Nineteen --- Steely Dan)

#3118.  Hayden Haynes (Wooden Planes --- Art Garfunkel)

#3119.  Haynes (Chains --- Iggy Pop)

#3120.  Stormy's Tits Are Fake (When The Levee Breaks --- Led Zeppelin)

#3121.  Brian Glenn (Born Again --- Supergrass)

#3122.  Daughter-Wife (Afterlife --- Illenium)

#3123.  Dan Caine (The Chain --- Fleetwood Mac)

#3124.  Dan Bongino's Shitty (Cappuccino City --- Rolling Blackouts Coastal Fever)

#3125.  Paula White (Parasite -- Volbeat)

#3126.  Dan Caine (Queen Jane --- Grateful Dead)

#3127.  Paula White (Dynamite --- Scorpions)

#3128.  Fuck JD Vance (Just One More Chance --- Dean Martin)

#3129.  Toilet Stall (Free For All --- Ted Nugent)

#3130.  Anal Hegseth (Angel Of Death --- Slayer)

#3131.  Bill Bazzi (Bumblebee --- Ween)

#3132.  White Cunt Of Bill Bazzi (Flight Of The Bumblebee --- The Alchemist)

#3133.  Clowns Of MAGA (South Of Heaven --- Slayer)

#3134.  Horseface (Racehorse --- Kelly Clarkson)

#3135.  Steak 'n Shake (Rattlesnake --- Live)

#3136.  Musk (Dusk --- Carbon Leaf)

#3137.  Cybertruck (Thunderstruck --- AC/DC)

#3138.  Elon's Cybertruck (Running Out Of Luck --- Mick Jagger)

#3139.  Cybertruck (What The Fuck --- Bill Wurtz)

#3140.  Cybertruck (What The Fuck --- Ryan Adams)

#3141.  Pete Hegseth (The Black Death --- Something Rotten! Original Broadway Soundtrack)

#3142.  Cybertruck (Out Of Luck --- Electric Light Orchestra)

#3143.  Trumpin' Dumpin' (Waken Baken --- Wiz Khalifa)

#3144.  Newt Gingrich (Eat The Rich --- Motorhead)

#3145.  The Noeming (The Gloaming --- Radiohead)

#3146.  Donald J. Trump (Here Comes The Grump --- Adam Ant)

#3147.  Donald Trump (Do The Rump --- The Black Keys)

#3148.  Flood (Blood --- Pearl Jam)

#3149.  Nvidia (Albania --- Coach from Cheers TV Sitcom)

#3150.  Eichorn (Stillborn --- Black Label Society)

#3151.  Michael Flood (Raining Blood)

#3152.  Flood Is A Whore (Blood On The Floor --- Fleetwood Mac)

#3153.  Cybertruck (Semi Truck --- Teenage Bottlerocket)

#3154.  Summer Lee (Summer Breeze --- Seals & Croft)

#3155.  Tom Homan (My Omen --- Electric Guest)

#3156.  Pete Hegseth (Final Death --- Death Angel)

#3157.  Cybertruck (I Will Truck --- Dirty Projectors)

#3158.  Liberation Day (Celebration Day --- Led Zeppelin)

#3159.  Easter Egg Roll (Head Like A Hole --- Nine Inch Nails)

#3160.  Flood (Blood --- Illenium & Foy Vance)

#3161.  Cybertruck (Chicken Truck --- Aaron Tippin)

#3162.  Brandon Beach (Up The Beach --- Jane's Addicition)

#3163.  Michael John Flood: Piece Of Shit --- (If You Want Blood: You Got It --- AC/DC)

#3164.  Signalgate (It's Too Late --- Carole King)

#3165.  Signalgate (Twist Of Fate --- Olivia Newton-John)

#3166.  Brnovich (Wicked Witch --- Beatsteaks)

#3167.  Brnovich (Virgin Witch --- Rob Zombie)

#3168.  Mark Brnovich (Son Of A Bitch --- EELS)

#3169.  Brnovich (Crazy Bitch --- Buckcherry)

#3170.  Sara A. Carter (Women Are Smarter --- Grateful Dead)

#3171.  Signalgate (Celebrate ---Simple Minds)

#3172.  Signalgate (Celebrate --- Don Moen)

#3173.  Signalgate (Celebrate --- Earth, Wind, And Fire)

#3174.  Signalgate (Twist Of Fate --- Destruction)

#3175.  Trumpin' Dumpin' (Gets Ya Pumpin' --- Bob Seger)

#3176.  Brad D. Schimel (Jack Be Nimble --- James Orchard Halliwell)

#3177.  Schimel Fuck (Cymbal Rush --- Thom Yorke)

#3178.  Flood Is A Fucking Whore (Blood On The Valley Whore --- Soundgarden)

#3179.  Liberation (Medication --- Son Volt)

#3180.  Liberation (Celebration --- Kool & The Gang)

#3181.  Liberation Song (Celebration Song --- Steve Miller Band)

#3182.  Donald's Liberation (Day Of Celebration --- Santana)

#3183.  Liberation (Celebration --- Krokus)

#3184.  Liberation Shitshow (Celebration Intro --- Christina Aguilera)

#3185.  Proud Boy (Rough Boy --- ZZ Top)

#3186.  Flood  Fucker (Bloodsucker --- Agnostic Front)

#3187.  Perry Greene's A Queer (Halloween All Year --- The Orwells)

#3188.  Brad Schimel (Ghost Symbol --- Zero 7)

#3189.  Michael Flood (Damn The Flood --- Black Label Society)

#3190.  Michael Flood (Theme From Flood --- They Might Be Giants)

#3191.  Robert Kennedy's Measles (The Lesser Of Two Evils --- Gary Stewart)

#3192.  Navarro (Tomorrow --- Death Cab For Cutie)

#3193.  Signalgate (Police State --- Agnostic Front)

#3194.  Flood (Blood --- Coheed & Cambria)

#3195.  Kristi Noem (Stay At Home --- Men At Work)

#3196.  Kristi Noem (Palindrome --- Azure Ray)

#3197.  Spread The Big Lie (Goodbye Blue Sky --- Pink Floyd)

#3198.  Pam Bondi (Hey Blondie --- Maggie Rose)

#3199.  Garrity (Clarity --- Jimmy Eat World)

Please do not share this material with Stacy Garrity and/or President Donald J. Trump.