#3098. Caine

In a deranged endeavor to seek praise from an Orange Prolapse, Elon Musk is flexing his asshole... er uh, muscle.

My response would be the following:

Thank you for your inquiry regarding my federal employment.  I strive to emulate President Donald J. Trump's tremendous leadership skills and incredible work ethic.  So last week, I spent each day conceiving of a "bullet point nickname" for various administration officials.

Elon Musk --- "Techno-Anus"

Donald Trump --- "The Orange Prolapse"

Tulsi Gabbard --- "The Artist Formerly Known As Vulva"

Pete Hegseth --- "Anal Breath"

Pam Bondi --- "Hurtin' 4 A Squirtin'

Usha Vance --- Loose Usha (Grateful Dead inspired rip-off of Loose Lucy)

and oh yeah, Razin' Caine. ---- Ku Kluxin' Caine

The theory here is to make the nicknames insanely ludicrous and patently offensive.  But not profane.  Of course the network news media would never be able to divulge an accurate list for obvious reasons.  Hell, even just the mere acknowledgement of such a list could become a legal nightmare.

Seriously though, this proposal's a negative feedback loop from hell and beyond.  I think it would be fascinating to test the "viral viability" of such an idea.  So if you're one of those federal employees who feels threatened by Techno-Anus, feel free to steal my idea.  And make sure to tell your embattled co-workers.  

The more, the merrier.  Your deadline is Monday at 11:59pm. 

 

A rare Horsehoe Dump.  Fuck Ohio State.  Except when the beat Notre Dame.

Anyhoo, this parody's about Dan "Razin" Caine.  

He's Donald Trump's pick for the next White House Chiefs of Staff.

 

Caine
sonofsaf

Razin’ Caine cums all over the inbreds
MAGA is fuckin’ red
Razin’ Caine come, Razin’ Caine cums

Donald Trump whines because he can’t get laid
(Donald Trump’s a clown)
There’s no more U.S. Aid
(Donald Trump’s a clown)
Donald Trump whines, Donald Trump whines

Caine, is unkind
Line, he’s outta line

He will blow you ‘cause Daniel’s Razin’ Caine
(Donald Trump’s a clown)
General’s to blame
(Donald Trump’s a clown)
He will blow you, He will blow you

Caine, is unkind
Dine, McDonald’s fine

Breasts of Stormy, the silicon’s defined
(Silicon’s defined)
Tits sometimes are maligned
(Silicon’s defined)
Tits of Stormy, tits of Stormy?

 

Rain
Grateful Dead

If the rain comes they run and hide their heads
They might as well be dead
If the rain comes, if the rain comes

When the sun shines they slip into the shade
(when the sun shines down)
And sip their lemonade
(when the sun shines down)
When the sun shines, when the sun shines

Rain, I don't mind
Shine, the weather's fine

I can show you that when it starts to rain
(when the rain comes down)
Everything's the same
(when the rain comes down)
I can show you, I can show you

Rain, I don't mind
Shine, the weather's fine

Can you hear me, that when it rains and shines
(when it rains and shines)
It's just a state of mind?
(when it rains and shines)
Can you hear me, can you hear me?

 

The rain songs of '95 n'at!  IWT.  Then again, so was everyone and King Diamond's grandma. 

 

 

Steal this book!

From 1969 to 1995, the Grateful Dead broke down the Burgh a grand total of 19 times.

Grateful Dead:

04-08-89, Riverfront Coliseum, Cincinnati, OH
10-22-89, Charlotte Coliseum, Charlotte, NC
07-08-90, Three Rivers Stadium, Pittsburgh, PA
09-07-90, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
09-08-90, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
03-18-91, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
03-20-91, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
03-21-91, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
06-09-91, Buckeye Lake Music Center, Hebron, OH
06-14-91, RFK Stadium, Washington, D.C.
06-21-91, Soldier Field, Chicago, IL
06-24-91, Sandstone Amphitheatre, Bonner Springs, KS
09-04-91, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
09-05-91, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
09-06-91, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
06-06-92, Rich Stadium, Orchard Park, NY
06-08-92, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
06-09-92, Richifeld Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
06-11-92, Knickerbocker Arena, Albany, NY
06-12-92, Knickerbocker Arena, Albany, NY
06-14-92, Giants Stadium, East Rutherford, NJ
06-15-92, Giants Stadium, East Rutherford, NJ
06-17-92, Charlotte Coliseum, Charlotte, NC
06-18-92, Charlotte Coliseum, Charlotte, NC
06-20-92, RFK Stadium, Washington, D.C.
06-22-92, Star Lake Amphitheatre, Burgettstown, PA
06-23-92, Star Lake Amphitheatre, Burgettstown, PA
06-25-92, Soldier Field, Chicago, IL
06-26-92, Soldier Field, Chicago, IL
07-01-92, Buckeye Lake Music Center, Hebron, OH
03-14-93, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
03-17-93, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
03-18-93, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
06-11-93, Buckeye Lake Music Center, Hebron, OH
06-18-93, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
06-21-93, Deer Creek Music Center, Noblesville, IN
06-22-93, Deer Creek Music Center, Noblesville, IN
09-09-93, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
09-10-93, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
03-20-94, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
03-21-94, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
07-29-94, Buckeye Lake Music Center, Hebron, OH
03-17-95, The Spectrum, Philadelphia, PA
06-30-95, Three Rivers Stadium, Pittsburgh, PA
07-02-95, Deer Creek Music Center, Noblesville, IN

Bob Weir / Dead & Company

 

Bob Weir, 7-19-91, I.C. Light Amphitheatre, Pittsburgh, PA
Bob Weir, 8-31-92, I.C. Light Amphitheatre, Pittsburgh, PA

Ratdog & Phil Lesh, 7-18-01, Polaris Amphitheater, Columbus, OH
Ratdog & Rusted Root, 8-12-01, Post Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA
The Other Ones, 11-29-02, Mellon Arena, Pittsburgh, PA
The Dead, Bob Dylan, 8-6-03, Germain Amphitheater, Columbus, OH

Dead & Company, 11-13-15, Nationwide Arena, Columbus, OH

Dead & Company, 8-13-16, First Niagara Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA

Dead & Company, 6-15-17, KeyBank Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA
Dead & Company, 6-28-17, Blossom Music Center, Cuyahoga Falls, OH

Dead & Company, 6-20-18, Blossom Music Center, Cuyahoga Falls, OH

Dead & Company, 7-5-19, Folsom Field, Boulder, CO

Dead & Company, 7-6-19, Folsom Field, Boulder, CO

Dead & Company, 8-28-21, Hershey Stadium, Hershey, PA

Dead & Company, 9-7-21, Blossom Music Center, Cuyahoga Falls, OH

Dead & Company, 7-12-22, The Pavilion at Star Lake, Burgettstown, PA

Dead & Company, 6-1-23, Coastal Credit Union Park at Walnut Creek, Raleigh, NC

Dead & Company, 6-3-23, Jiffy Lube Pavilion, Bristow, VA

Dead & Company, 6-5-23, The Pavilion at Star Lake, Burgettstown, PA

 

The Big Lie 100: (#2220)

#3000.  Kash (Stash --- Phish)

#3001.  Keith Sonderling (Jesus Is King --- Selah)

#3002.  Bannon (Cannon --- Jack White)

#3003.  Kash (Trash --- New York Dolls)

#3004.  Ashley Moody (Call Of Duty --- Anvil)

#3005.  Kash (Trash --- Silverchair)

#3006.  TikTok (Bangkok --- Destroyer)

#3007.  Michael Vrabel (God Is Able --- Planetshakers)

#3008.  Kristi Lynn Noem (Autumn In Rome --- Tony Bennett)

#3009.  Noem (Rome --- Destroyer)

#3010.  Mulligan's Big Lie (Mulligan's Big Lie --- Lin Manuel Miranda)

#3011.  Kristi Lynn Noem (Under A Dome --- Of Monsters And Men)

#3012.  Hegseth (Macbeth --- Frank Turner & Jon Snodgrass)

#3013.  Trumpin' & Dumpin' (Garden Of Eden --- Ratt)

#3014.  Trumpin' & Dumpin' (Garden Of Eden --- Harem Scarem)

#3015.  Trumpin' & Dumpin' (Garden Of Eden --- Paula Cole)

#3016.  Kristi Noem (Heart Of Rome --- Elvis Presley)

#3017.  Ivanka's A Cunt (Memories Of Love --- Chicago)

#3018.  The J-6 Hostages (Song For The Hostages --- Five For Fighting)

#3019.  Stormy D.'s A Cunt (Memory Of Love --- Elton John)

#3020.  Jeff Van Drew (Thru And Thru --- Rolling Stones)

#3021.  Jeff Van Drew (Not For You --- Pearl Jam)

#3022.  Daniel Ball (Alcohol --- Butthole Surfers)

#3023.  Oath Keeper Rhodes (So Many Roads --- Grateful Dead)

#3024.  Pardon (Garden --- Pearl Jam)

#3025.  Noem Crust (Dome Rust --- Guided by Voices)

#3026.  Trump Dumpin' Rage (The Golden Age --- Cracker)

#3027.  Trumpin' 'n Dumpin' (Garden Of Eden --- Chinchilla)

#3028.  Proud Boys (Bad Boys --- Inner Circle)

#3029.  Guy Reffitt (Forget It --- Rodriguez)

#3030.  Reffitt (Bullshit --- Guttermouth)

#3031.  Oath Keeper Rhodes (So Many Roads --- Joe Bonamassa)

#3032.  Trump Forever (Come Together --- Soundgarden)

#3033.  Trump Trump Trump (Dump Dump Dump --- Urge Overkill)

#3034.  Donald J. Trump's A Clown (Who Can It Be Now --- Men At Work)

#3035.  Proud Boys Will Defile (Bad Boys Running Wild --- Scorpions)

#3036.  Proud Boys (Bad Boys --- Whitesnake)

#3037.  Hegseth (Last Breath --- Low)

#3038.  Trump Wants A Tariff (I Shot The Sheriff --- Bob Marley & The Wailers)

#3039.  A Tariff (The Sheriff --- The Strumbellas)

#3040.  Andrew Kloster (Great Imposter --- The Fleetwoods)

#3041.  Go To Hell / Benjamin Black (Morning Bell / Amnesiac --- Radiohead)

#3042.  Netanyahu (Who's Cheatin' Who --- Alan Jackson)

#3043.  Trump's A Cunt (For Your Love --- The Yardbirds)

#3044.  Brendan Carr (Lucky Star --- Madonna)

#3045.  Marocco's Load (Tobacco Road --- David Lee Roth)

#3046.  Brendan Carr (lucky star --- Nessa Barrett)

#3047.  Noem (Rome --- Yeasayer)

#3048.  Brendan Carr (Superstar --- Social Distortion)

#3049.  FCC's Brendan Carr (You Are My Lucky Star --- Gene Kelly & Debbie Reynolds)

#3050. McClain (Insane --- The Hives)

#3051.  Paula White (Fly By Night --- Rush)

#3052.  Paula White (Candlelight --- The Mystery Writers)

#3053.  Paula White (Dynamite --- Son Volt)

#3054.  Elon Musk's DOGE (Holiday Road --- Lindsey Buckingham)

#3055.  Unanue (Day By Day --- The Hooters)

#3056.  Finland's Howard Brodie (On Top Of Old Smoky --- Burl Ives)

#3057.  Elon's DOGE (Vintage Clothes --- Paul McCartney)

#3058.  Paula White (Parasite --- Kiss)

#3059.  Brendan Carr (Caviar --- Wavves)

#3060.  Taake's Fuckin' Gay (Rocky Mountain Way --- Joe Walsh)

#3061.  Brendan Carr (lucky star --- Ricky Nelson)

#3062.  Whore Paula White's A Cunt (Your Inner Light Is Love --- Right Said Fred)

#3063.  The Biggest Lie (I Wonder Why --- Sha Na Na)

#3064.  Nancy Mace (Damage Case --- Motorhead)

#3065.  Emil Bove (Hello Hooray --- Alice Cooper)

#3066.  Paula White (Dynamite --- Mr. Kitty)

#3067.  Paula White (Dynamite --- Sly & The Family Stone)

#3068.  Kellogg (Black Dog --- Led Zeppelin)

#3069.  Kellogg (Hot Dog --- Elvis Presley)

#3070.  JD Vance (Take A Chance --- Olivia Newton-John & John Travolta)

#3071.  Kellogg (Hot Dog --- They Might Be Giants)

#3072.  JD Vance (Second Chance --- Lemonheads)

#3073.  Trance (Vance --- Screeching Weasel)

#3074.  JD Vance (Second Chance --- Don Williams)

#3075.  Kellogg (Hot Dog --- Mark Knopfler)

#3076.  JD Vance (If By Chance --- Patti LaBelle)

#3077.  Edward Robert Martin (Fightin' Fuckin' Fartin' --- Wheeler Walker Jr.)

#3078.  Vance (Dance --- Jesus Culture)

#3079.  Tucker (Sucker --- Marcus King)

#3080.  Congressman Hern's Pink Slime (If I Could Turn Back Time --- Cher)

#3081.  Turn! Turn! Turn!  (Hern! Hern! Hern! --- The Byrds)

#3082.  Hern's A Fuckin' Cunt (Turn My Back On Love --- Triumph)

#3083.  Hern's A Fuckin' Cunt (Turn It Into Love --- Kylie Minogue)

#3084.  Terry Cole (Rock And Roll --- Led Zeppelin)

#3085.  Tenney's A Piece Of Shit (Any Way You Want It --- The Ramones)

#3086.  Jack Posobiec (Right Side Of My Neck --- Faye Webster)

#3087.  JD Vance (Song And Dance --- Buck Owens)

#3088.  JD Vance (If By Chance --- Dean Martin)

#3089.  JD Vance (Take A Chance --- Chicago)

#3090.  Usha (Russia --- Tori Amos)

#3091.  JD Vance (Half A Chance --- Carly Simon)

#3092.  JD Vance (Half A Chance --- Vince Gill)

#3093.  Schimel Plan (Simple Man --- Lynyrd Skynyrd)

#3094.  Schimel (Simple --- Phish)

#3095.  Caine (Rain --- Planetshakers)

#3096.  Caine (Rain --- Skinny Puppy)

#3097.  Caine (Rain --- Rusted Root)

#3098.  Caine (Rain --- Grateful Dead)

 

Please do not share this material with General Dan Caine and/or President Donald J. Trump.