Wednesday, March 31, 2021

#238. Pig Jody Hice

Georgia Republican Jody Hice is running an aggressive campaign to be the next Secretary of State.   His campaign platform is pretty obvious.  Kiss the ring of the Orange Prolapse at any conceivable opportunity and do everything possible to strengthen Jim Crow legislation in the South.  Make Georgia the bellweather state in all things backwards, bigoted and Trumpian.

Yeah, I get that part.

A since deleted picture from Hice's website.  Lacks a patriotic vibe.  Could have used a slice of apple pie and maybe an F-16 or AR-15.

Hice's other claim to fame is somewhat bizarre.  He's trying to lead the way in denying statehood for the District of Columbia.  He even tweeted a video excoriating D.C. for not having a landfill, an airport or a car dealership.  Hmm, it also doesn't have a gambling venue or a roller coaster.  Plenty of casinos nearby though.  Same thing with theme parks.  Just seems an oddly desperate way to frame an argument.

Particularly when someone explained that D.C. actually has a slew of car dealerships.  Hice would later issue an official apology/retraction and admitted that D.C. does indeed have a car dealership.  Just seemed a tad peculiar.  But the airport argument was even worse.  Didn't Hee Haw Hice consider the fact that almost every member of Congress flies in and out of Reagan International?  Dulles too perhaps.  That whole region is actually loaded with airports.

Jody Hice (left) earned the coveted endorsement from The Orange Prolapse (center) over the current GA Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger (right).  Of course, this happened AFTER Raffensperger was thrown under the bus for refusing to "find" the miracle 11,870 votes needed for a Trump victory.  You see?  That would have given Trump the win by a single vote.  I always thought the sheer, abject stupidity of the 1 vote pathway to victory theory (only in Georgia) should have been a higher priority in the media.  Oh, I get it --- the candidate with the most votes wins the election.  Never really gave it much thought.

 



Pig Jody Hice
sonofsaf

When the non-whites are voting it seems out of spite
And the darks cry and fuck the shit outta my wife
Is it alright to seek out a drink and swallow that pill
But the whores like winning Republicans
All in for the kill

Pig Jody, pig Jody Hice
They keep him purging
Pig Jody, pig Jody Hice

But the soundbite you know whassup people lie
It’s a strong fight that is so whack and more bodies die
Behold that spite when it doesn’t compute settle the score
Books are made cooking pulling poor strings  
Demonizing the whores

Pig Jody, pig Jody Hice
They keep him purging
Pig Jody, pig Jody Hice
Bridges burning

I will not scream
Because you can’t rue, when you’re seeking their blood
But in this world
Suppression ain’t nice Georgia plays its part
Part of the fight

Pig Jody, pig Jody Hice
They keep him purging
Pig Jody, pig Jody Hice
Bridges burning

Pig Jody, pig Jody Hice
They keep him purging
Pig Jody, pig Jody Hice
Bridges burning


Big City Nights
Scorpions

When the daylight is falling down into the night
And the sharks try to cut a big piece out of life
It feels alright to go out to catch an outrageous thrill
But it's more like spinning wheels of fortune
Which never stand still

Big city, big city nights
You keep me burning
Big city, big city nights

When the sunlight is rising up in my eyes
And the long night has left me back at somebody's side
It feels alright for a long sweet minute like hours before
But it's more like looking out for something
I can't find anymore

Big city, big city nights
You keep me burning
Big city, big city nights
Always yearning

There is no dream
That you can't make true, if you're looking for love
But there's no girl
Who's burning the ice away from my heart
Maybe tonight!

Big city, big city nights
You keep me burning
Big city, big city nights
Always yearning

Big city, big city nights
You keep me burning
Big city, big city nights
Always yearning



Scorpions:

9-21-88, Hara Arena, Dayton, OH

6-15-88, Three Rivers Stadium, Pittsburgh, PA (Monsters of Rock)

6-23-88, Rubber Bowl, Akron, OH (Monsters of Rock)

6-15-02, Post-Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA

Please do not share this material with Congressman Jody Hice (R-GA), Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger (R-GA), former President Donald J. Trump and/or fans of "The Scorps."


#237. Ground And Pound

Day 2 of the George Floyd torture trial featured the testimony of MMA fighter Don Williams.

Fascinating to hear his "disciplined perspective" of helplessness, when he knew full well, that he could have bum rushed Chauvin.  Maybe deliver a flying knee to Chauvin's head and possibly prevent Floyd's asphyxiation murder at the hands of Minneapolis police.  A challenging moral dilemma as he likely would have been killed as well.

While watching the testimony, I got a spam email from my teenage idol Stephen Pearcy, the lead singer of Ratt.  For the love of dog (Yep, Biden's German Shepherd "Major" bit another unidentified person at the White House.  Leaving Fox News salivating like a Pavlovian dog.), he's offering those Cameo videos services.  You know... paypal me $100 and I'll record a cell phone clip and send it to your 55 year old sister-in-law.  Wishing her well after a contentious divorce.  Happy to hear that you finally ditched that zero and got yourself a hero.  That kinda thing.

Anyway, the conflation of it all got me to thinking.  

 

Ground and Pound
sonofsaf

You know it’s on, the octagon
You bring the fight, I think you’re asinine
You want the belt, just ring the bell
Get in my way, I’ll make you beat yourself
Ain’t no delay, enter the fray  
You’re gonna blow, cock every now and then
You think you’re tough, this ain’t no bluff
Feel the pain, blood red

I knew how your gums were flappin’
And you would end up tappin’
I never had a doubt
You'd be rear naked and choked out

Ground and pound
My gloves will find your face, it ain’t a crime
Ground and pound
I’ll mow you down mow you down
I'll make you cry

Frigg

Punchin’ on you, kickin’ at me
The way you move, too slow for my flying knee
There is no doubt about our bout
You better pray, I’m gonna make you devout  
My TKO, will make you wet
Pissin’ time, I'm gonna call you out
You think you’re tough, this ain’t no bluff
Just don’t complain, blood red

I knew how your gums were flappin’
And you would end up tappin’
I never had a doubt
You'd be rear naked and choked out

Ground and pound
My gloves will find your face, it ain’t a crime
Ground and pound
I’ll mow you down mow you down
I'll make you cry
Yeah!

You know it’s on, the octagon
You bring the fight, I think you’re asinine
You want the belt, just ring the bell
Get in my way, I’ll make you beat yourself

Ground and pound
My gloves will find your face, it ain’t a crime
Ground and pound
I’ll mow you down mow you down
I'll make you cry
Ground and pound
My gloves will find your face, it ain’t a crime, you’re asinine, nine, nine, nine (yeah)
Ground and pound
I’ll mow you down, mow you down
I'll make you cry, cry, cry, cry
Ground and pound


Round And Round
Ratt

Out on the streets, that's where we'll meet
You make the night, I always cross the line
Tightened our belts, abused ourselves
Get in our way, we'll put you on your shelf
Another day, some other way
We're gonna go, but then we'll see you again
I've had enough, we've had enough
Cold in vain, she said
 
I knew right from the beginning
That you would end up winning
I knew right from the start
You'd put an arrow through my heart
 
Round and round
With love we'll find a way, just give it time
Round and round
What comes around goes around
I'll tell you why
 
Dig

Lookin' at you, lookin' at me
The way you move, you know it's easy to see
The neon light's on me tonight
I've got a way, we're gonna prove it tonight
Like Romeo to Juliet
Time and time, I'm gonna make you mine
I've had enough, we've had enough
It's all the same, she said
 
I knew right from the beginning
That you would end up winning
I knew right from the start
You'd put an arrow through my heart
 
Round and round
With love we'll find a way, just give it time
Round and round
What comes around goes around
I'll tell you why
Yeah!
 
Out on the streets, that's where we'll meet
You make the night, I always cross the line
Tightened our belts, abused ourselves
Get in our way, we'll put you on your shelf
 
Round and round
With love we'll find a way, just give it time
Round and round
What comes around goes around
I'll tell you why
Round and round
With love we'll find a way, just give it time, time, time, time (yeah)
Round and round
What comes around goes around
I'll tell you why, why, why, why
Round and round




Ratt:

7-15-85, Civic Center, Wheeling, WV

Bobby Blotzer's Ratt Experience:

6-16-16, Jergel's, Warrendale, PA

Stephen Pearcy:

3-23-17, The Kent Stage, Kent, OH

I could totally envision a collaborative effort between Stephen Pearcy and the UFC.  My parody just needs tweaked a bit.  Alter a couple of the offensive lines.  But for the most part, the song (and the concept) is solid.  Especially coming off the heels of the Geico Insurance commercial and the general resurgence in Ratt'n'Roll and 80's metal.  Dana White --- As someone whose net worth is half a billion, I'm sure you can afford a professional marketing firm to devise unique branding ideas.  But trust me.  This one has merit.

Feel free to share this material with UFC President Dana White, Don Williams, Stephen Pearcy and/or the Ratt faithful.

 

 

#236. Hail Tate

Earlier this month, Governor Tate Reeves (R-MS) was the first state executive to sign unprecedented anti-transgender legislation into law.  I won't get into the specifics.  But now South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem followed suit today.  Hey, she was my "first."  Good to see how these gubernatorial miscreants have their priorities in line.  

If there's one thing we know for certain, other Republican politicians will coalesce toward the base.  Because as long as Trumpism is perceived to be the conservative gateway to victory in the primaries, candidates will try to replicate the warped vision of the Orange Prolapse.  Reinforce and play on themes of bigotry, discrimination, denigration, fear mongering, scapegoating, etc.

Believe me... I know.  I've tried it myself.  Now I'd like to think my delivery (regarding cybersecurity & public safety) is a bit more nuanced and sophisticated, but you know, as they say, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

(Right to left: Orange Prolapse and Golden Taint)
 

(27:38 mark)


Hail Tate
sonofsaf

He is the Mississippi mudder
At least that’s what he sells
Plenty of hot realty
Was in Jackson for a spell
He said “No befriending of the queers
They suck each others bones
Ain’t fucking in all of their gang bangs
Not polishin’ that hockey dome“

Gonna say a Hail Tate
Oh Lord Jesus I don’t know why
I’m gonna say a Hail Tate
Oh, for my sins you had to to die

Prayin’ to the damn almighty
Prayin’ to the damn almighty
Just wait and see

Hail Tate, transgender queers
Hail Tate, no more beers
Hail Tate, the news is all so fake
Hail Tate, yeah

He said I’m just a kinda heaven sent bitch
Catch me if you can
Floyd went down never got up
It’s all part of a plan
Choke holds started holdin' everywhere
But maybe it was a dream
Black man dying on the ground
And his nose was so bloody
The people all seen

And he was prayin’ to the damn almigthy
Prayin’ to the damn almighty
We’ll just wait and see

Hail Tate, Hail Tate
I wanna swing out
Out sister

George Floyd, they were kneelin’
His life, he was squealing
Not right, silence, bible wiring
But he’s dead no doubt
Happened shouldn’t that’s a fact

Hail Tate, Hail Tate
Hail Tate, Hail Tate
Hail Tate, Hail Tate
Hail Tate, Hail Tate
Hail Tate, Hail Tate

 

Jailbreak
AC/DC

There was a friend of mine on murder
And the judge's gavel fell
Jury found him guilty
Gave him sixteen years in hell
He said "I ain't spending my life here
I ain't living alone
Ain't breaking no rocks on the chain gang
I'm breakin' out and headin' home"

Gonna make a jailbreak
And I'm lookin' towards the sky
I'm gonna make a jailbreak
Oh, how I wish that I could fly

All in the name of liberty
All in the name of liberty
Got to be free

Jailbreak, let me out of here
Jailbreak, sixteen years ah
Jailbreak, had more than I can take
Jailbreak, yeah

He said he'd seen his lady being fooled with
By another man
She was down and he was up
Had a gun in his hand
Bullets started flying everywhere
And people started to scream
Big man lying on the ground
With a hole in his body
Where his life had been

But it was all in the name of liberty
All in the name of liberty
I got to be free

Jailbreak, jailbreak
I got to break out
Out of here

Heartbeats, they were racin'
Freedom, he was chasin'
Spotlights, sirens, rifles firing
But he made it out
With a bullet in his back

Jailbreak, jailbreak
Jailbreak, jailbreak
Jailbreak, jailbreak
Jailbreak, jailbreak
Jailbreak, jailbreak

 


 

AC/DC:

5-15-88, Civic Arena, Pittsburgh, PA
10-15-88, Civic Center, Wheeling, WV
1-7-09, Mellon Arena, Pittsburgh, PA

Syllable for syllable, this is NOT one of my better parodies.  However, the vintage 1990's Castle Donington version of Jailbreak is easily worth a listen.  Classic Angus Young guitar intro.  My apologies in advance to Senator Angus King (I-ME) for any hypothetical confusion.

Feel free to share this material with any of the "taint ladies"... wife Elee and/or children Elizabeth Magee, Sarah Tyler, Madeline Taint.  

 (For the love of Olan Mills!  Holy Moland Springs!)  

Tuesday, March 30, 2021

#235. Louie Louie

Louie Gohmert (R-TX) has been a Congressman since 2005.  

He represents a rural swath of territory in Eastern Texas along the Louisiana border.  It's not my intention to sound overly judgemental.  But based on voter preference, this might possibly be the physical location of the dumbest population in the entire United States.  A regional haven for the mindless and ignorant.  After reading about the Gohmert's extensive political highlight reel, it's the only logical conclusion one can reach. 

Behold!  Witness the real-world evidence of genetic buffoonery.



Louie Louie
sonofsaf

Louie Louie, Gohmert
You gotta go
Aye-yi-yi-yi, I said
Louie Louie, oh Gohmert
You gotta go

Watch the world Chauvin’s knee
Work that hip for all to see
Reasonable doubt, from cell phone
Never crush asphyxiation

Louie Louie, Gohmert
You gotta go
Aye-yi-yi-yi, I said
Louie Louie, oh Gohmert
You gotta go

The fights and ways of misery
In this world, wantonly
He’s so hip, without a care
Bad ass cop not treated fair.

Louie Louie, Gohmert
You gotta go
Aye-yi-yi-yi, I said
Louie Louie, oh Gohmert
You gotta go

Okay, let's take him on down, and how!

Pleads not guilty, show him some love
He wasn’t wrong, despite the blood
Boys in blue have to defend
Say his name! It’s Derek Chauvin!

Louie Louie, Gohmert
You gotta go
Aye-yi-yi-yi, I said
Louie Louie, oh Gohmert
You gotta go
Let's choke the shit outta him now
Let's go!


Louie Louie
Tom Petty

Louie Louie, oh no
Me gotta go
Aye-yi-yi-yi, I said
Louie Louie, oh baby
Me gotta go

Fine little girl waits for me
Catch a ship across the sea
Sail that ship about, all alone
Never know if I make it home

Louie Louie, oh no
Me gotta go
Aye-yi-yi-yi, I said
Louie Louie, oh baby
Me gotta go

Three nights and days I sail the sea
Think of girl, constantly
On that ship, I dream she's there
I smell the rose in her hair.

Louie Louie, oh no
Me gotta go
Aye-yi-yi-yi, I said
Louie Louie, oh baby
Me gotta go

Okay, let's give it to 'em, right now!

See Jamaica, the moon above
It won't be long, me see me love
Take her in my arms again
Tell her I'll never leave again

Louie Louie, oh no
Me gotta go
Aye-yi-yi-yi, I said
Louie Louie, oh baby
Me gotta go
Let's take it on outta here now
Let's go!



My "Louie Louie" parody was intended as a referendum on the Derek Chauvin murder/torture trial which just commenced in Minneapolis.  Suffice it to say, in the racially turbo-charged trial of the new decade, Gohmert would quickly come to the defense of Chauvin's shin.

Louie x2 has been covered by countless bands.  But the original Kingsmen's 1963 version was a little before my time.  Negative seven years to be precise.

Tom Petty:

8-26-95, Star Lake Amphitheatre, Burgettstown, PA

7-10-01, Post-Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA

7-16-02, Post-Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA

6-20-13, Consol Energy Center, Pittsburgh, PA

Feel free to share this material with the families of Louie Gohmert (R-TX) and George Floyd.


#234. Kemp

Georgia Governor Brian Kemp?  Twenty four hours have passed since my last Kemparody.  And he's still a fucking scumbag piece of shit  No surprise there.  Regardless of how the boycotts and lawsuits pan out, the name Kemp will forever be associated with Jim Crow and white supremacy.  So what the hell.... I'll do my best to make sure that ignominious distinction sticks with him like Derek Chauvin's knee on George Floyd's neck.

And if you've ever been a victim of gun violence, like say for instance the second graders of Sandy Hook Elementary... Well, allow me to be blunt.  Kemp's favorite recreational pastime is spitting on the graves of senselessly murdered children while simultaneously mocking the parents for their kids having been mowed down.

(Does Kemp think gun violence is a joke?   Hint: this is his own campaign ad.)

 


Kemp
sonofsaf

Kemp’s ass likes bone sounds a little harsh
Anally effortless but gets torn apart
Stuffed up his ass was Kemp’s iguana
Got totally abused oh his bloody pajamas

He's Kemp, He's Kemp
Fuck him instead
He's Kemp, He's Kemp, He’s Kemp
His ass is red

Kemp triggered lives with great disdain
Even Cypress Hill says that he’s insane in the brain
Life’s not so bad but you can’t stand
Is Kemp an asshole or lendin’ a helpin’ hand

He's Kemp, He's Kemp
Fuck him instead
He's Kemp, He's Kemp, He’s Kemp
His ass is red

Kemp’s a wimp and homely not too much to love
Kemp invoked Jim Crow and flooded it with blood
His Good and Plenty’s he likes those sweets
Fast food is wrong but Arby’s has the meats

He's Kemp, He's Kemp
Fuck him instead
He's Kemp, He's Kemp, He’s Kemp
His ass is red

Brian Kemp wish he was dead
‘Cause he blows
Brian Kemp wish he was dead
‘Cause he blows
Brian Kemp wish he was dead
‘Cause he blows
Brian Kemp wish he was dead


Lump
Presidents of the United States of America

Lump sat alone in a boggy marsh
Totally motionless except for her heart
Mud flowed up into lump's pajamas
She totally confused all the passing piranhas

She's lump, she's lump
She's in my head
She's lump, she's lump, she's lump
She might be dead

Lump lingered last in line for brains
And the ones she got were sorta rotten and insane
Small things so sad that birds could land
Is lump fast asleep or rockin' out with the band?

She's lump, she's lump
She's in my head
She's lump, she's lump, she's lump
She might be dead

Lump was limp and lonely and needed a shove
Lump slipped on a kiss and tumbled into love
She spent her twenties between the sheets
And life limped along at subsonic speeds

She's lump, she's lump
She's in my head
She's lump, she's lump, she's lump
She might be dead

Is this lump out of my head?
I think so
Is this lump out of my head?
I think so
Is this lump out of my head?
I think so
Is this lump out of my head?



Presidents of the United States of America:

3-19-97, Metropol, Pittsburgh, PA

I saw the Presidents of the United States of America only once.  Me and Lane Jew zipped up to the Strip District.  During the show, she looked at me and commented, "Saffy, that lead singer looks like a bug."  

Now long ago, I was graphically compared to an insect.  Specifically, a fly in in the form of Pittsburgh native Jeff Goldblum.  So you think I'd take great offense.  But I did not.  Either way, you make the call.




Please do not share this information with Governor Brain Kemp (R-GA) and/or actor Jeff Goldblum.

 


Monday, March 29, 2021

#233. Psaki Bomb

First, an honest admission.  These song parodies usually take on a derogatory tone and tenor.  Not sure if it's overtly noticeable.  But yeah, it's true.  It's damn true!  So when I conceived of the notion of "Sake Bomb," I had some misgivings.  Why?  Because I happen to like the current White House Press Secretary.  Then again, after four years of being forced to endure characters like cynical Sarah Fuckabee and sycophantic Spicy Spicer... let's just agree that Jen Psaki's a welcome breath of fresh air.  Hopefully the lyrics reflect a return to some degree of normalcy.


Dedicated to anyone who has ever drank a Sake Bomb.  I haven not.  Perhaps one day.



 

Psaki Bomb
sonofsaf

Not Ethan Frome, Ginger chicks rule
Friends all say, I'm so fucking cool
Once accused of not doing my chores
Ballot box I'm your counting whore

Fuck you Foxy, Vietnam
I'm your ps-ps-ps-ps-ps Psaki bomb
How ‘bout we circle to the back again
Ps-ps-ps-ps-ps Psaki bomb

Tampon blood here’s some for you
Call me maybe Trump’s an orange prolapse too
Biden pausin’ the fake news
Abortion? Gonna light your pro-choice fuse

Fuck you Foxy, Vietnam
I'm your ps-ps-ps-ps-ps Psaki bomb
How ‘bout we circle to the back again
Ps-ps-ps-ps-ps Psaki bomb

Don’t annoy been awhile
Trumpism’s dead now that’s my style
Ivanka is shit and a whore
Grab your, pussy, til it’s sore

Fuck you Foxy, Vietnam
I'm your ps-ps-ps-ps-ps Psaki bomb
How ‘bout we circle to the back again
Ps-ps-ps-ps-ps Psaki bomb
Psaki bomb
Psaki bomb
Psaki bomb
Psaki bomb
Psaki bomb
Psaki bomb

 

Cherry Bomb
Joan Jett

Can't stay at home, can't stay at school
Old folks say, ya poor little fool
Down the street I'm the girl next door
I'm the fox you've been waiting for

Hello Daddy, hello Mom
I'm your ch-ch-ch-ch-ch cherry bomb
Hello world I'm your wild girl
Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch cherry bomb

Stone age love and strange sounds too
Come on baby let me get into you
Bad nights causin' teenage blues
Get out now 'cause you got nothing to lose

Hello Daddy, hello Mom
I'm your ch-ch-ch-ch-ch cherry bomb
Hello world I'm your wild girl
Ch-ch-ch ch-ch cherry bomb

Hey sweet boy what's your style
Your dead end dreams don't make you smile
I'll give ya something to live for
Have your, grab your, til your sore

Hello Daddy, hello Mom
I'm your ch-ch-ch-ch-ch cherry bomb
Hello world I'm your wild girl
Ch ch-ch-ch-ch cherry bomb
Cherry bomb
Cherry bomb
Cherry bomb
Cherry bomb
Cherry bomb
Cherry bomb


Joan Jett & the Blackhearts:

7-14-18, KeyBank Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA

Feel free to share this information with Jen Psaki and anyone who has ever held the position of White House Press Secretary.


#232. I'm Bill Lee

Governor Bill Lee (R-TN) is standing up for women's rights!  Well, in a roundabout way I suppose.  By signing legislation that requires every Tennessean to officially declare their gender at the moment of birth (as either male or female), it will help clarify the situation sixteen years later if they make it to high school.  You see, the administration will have a definitive standard for eligibility in high school sports.  

Hey now, I'm sick'n'tard of seeing those totally ripped chicks with dicks, those 6'4" 250 pound trannies... on the god damn girls volleyball team!  You know, 'cause that happens all the time.  It is indeed a problem.  One that requires a solution.

Governor Lee has his mind on the pulse of our nation.  Sensing all of the problems with Covid, immigration, economic instability, homelessness, domestic terrorism, minority voter suppression, unemployment, health care, and so on and so forth... Bill Lee is duly focused on seeking moral justice for the girls volleyball team.  Way to go!

Dedicated to Governor Bill Lee's first wife, Carol Ann, who died in a tragic 2000 horseback riding accident.  She would've been so proud of you. (emoticon of a coffin in heaven surrounded by angels)



 

I’m Bill Lee
sonofsaf

When I think I’m gay and need a double, Donald Trumpy speaks to me
Fuck all the transgendered, I’m Bill Lee
The devil with the blue dress legislating here in Tennessee
Diarrhea shitstorm, I’m Bill Lee

I’m Bill Lee, I’m Bill Lee, I’m Bill Lee, I’m Bill Lee
Diarrhea shitstorm, I’m Bill Lee

And with the denigrated people seeking their vengeance unto me
I hope you get cancer, I’m Bill Lee
And even when I farted, place the blame on someone else you’ll see
I hope you get cancer, I’m Bill Lee

I’m Bill Lee, I’m Bill Lee, I’m Bill Lee, I’m Bill Lee
Diarrhea shitstorm, I’m Bill Lee

I’m Bill Lee, I’m Bill Lee, I’m Bill Lee, I’m Bill Lee
Diarrhea shitstorm, I’m Bill Lee

I’m Bill Lee, I’m Bill Lee, I’m Bill Lee, I’m Bill Lee
Diarrhea shitstorm, I’m Bill Lee, Lee

And when the coup gets rowdy place the blame on our democracy
Maybe we can overthrow, I’m Bill Lee
We wake up to a round of fake news, Donald Trumpy speaks to me
Diarrhea shitstorm, let it be

And I’m Bill Lee, I’m Bill Lee, I’m Bill Lee, I’m Bill Lee
Diarrhea shitstorm, I’m Bill Lee

And I’m Bill Lee, I’m Bill Lee, I’m Bill Lee, I’m Bill Lee
Diarrhea shitstorm, I’m Bill Lee

 

Let It Be
Paul McCartney

When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree
There will be an answer, let it be
For though they may be parted, there is still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
There will be an answer, let it be

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be, be

And when the night is cloudy there is still a light that shines on me
Shinin' until tomorrow, let it be
I wake up to the sound of music, Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be

And let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

And let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

 

Paul McCartney:

2-12-90, Riverfront Coliseum, Cincinnati, OH

4–29-02, Gund Arena, Cleveland, OH

8-18-10, Consol Energy Center, Pittsburgh, PA

7-7-14, Consol Energy Center, Pittsburgh, PA

Please do not share this information with Governor Bill Lee (R-TN) and/or his wife Maria.  As well as their four adult children: twin sons Jacob and Caleb, Jessica, and Sarah Kate.  Not to mention any of his eight grandchildren.  And their families.  And their relatives.  And their descendants.

 


(Look at me!  I'm Bill Lee!  I ostensibly love poor minority negro children!  And here is the indisputable photographic evidence!)
   

 

Sunday, March 28, 2021

#231. Doug Ducey

Does anyone remember when Governor Doug Ducey was certifying Trump's loss in the state of Arizona?  And he declined to pick up a phone call from the Orange Prolapse?  I sure do.  He got busted by the press for his "Hail to the Chief" ringtone.  Hard to fathom why anyone would exhibit such deference to a politician's exposed section of colon.  Then again, it's a relatively free country.  And he was the President.  Right?  Maybe Ducey's true calling was internal medicine.  Double D the Proctologist?  Has a nice ring to it I suppose.  Ah, the sweet sound of narcisisstic flatulence.    


Poor Trump was desperately, repeatedly trying to call him.  But Ducey, in an act of minimal courage, opted to silence the call, follow the law, and do his job instead.  As opposed to being a gutless fucking coward.  Well, I guess that's worthy of minimal praise.  Or in this case a parody.

Dedicated to the children of Doug Ducey... Sam, Jack and Joe.


And his wife Angela too.


Doug Ducey
sonofsaf

Doug Ducey is just so white, he’s a scrotum with no balls in sight
Bitch and bitch and bitch and bitch and bitch and bitch and bitch,
Has a small dick that he’ll scratch and itch

He’s an asshole, and a bitch, has a really bad case of the jock itch,
Yeh-yeh yeh-yeh yeh-yeh yeh, shitting, “Fuck you, fuck you anytime!”

Ass gets pumped enema alright,
Takes it up the butthole through the day and night,
Bitch and bitch and bitch and bitch and bitch and bitch and bitch,
Has a small dick that he’ll scratch and itch.

Doug Ducey, he’s a whore, says I need pornography so hardcore,
Yeh-yeh yeh-yeh yeh-yeh yeh, shitting, “Fuck you, fuck you anytime!”

Dumbshit Ducey his name’s Ducey.  He wants you to stick a dildo in he,
Bitch and bitch and bitch and bitch and bitch and bitch and bitch,
Has a small dick that he’ll scratch and itch.

Smell his farts he’ll make you cry, he was just eating out an anal cream pie,
Yeh-yeh yeh-yeh yeh-yeh yeh, shitting, “Fuck you, fuck you anytime!”

Want it right between the thighs, you know I'll starch you with a tampon fry,
Bitch and bitch and bitch and bitch and bitch and bitch and bitch,
Has a small dick that he’ll scratch and itch.

Fuck you awhile ‘cause I’m always white,
Just cum on me it’ll be alright,
Yeh-yeh yeh-yeh yeh-yeh yeh, shitting yeh-yeh yeh-yeh yeh-yeh yeh,
Shitting yeh-yeh yeh-yeh yeh-yeh yeh,
Shitting, “Fuck you, fuck you anytime!"


Loose Lucy
Grateful Dead

Loose Lucy is my delight, she come runnin' and we ball all night,
Round and round and round and round and round and round and round,
Don't take much to get me on the ground.

She's my yo-yo, I'm her string, listen to the birds on the hot wire sing,
Yeh-yeh yeh-yeh yeh-yeh yeh, singing, "Thank you, for a real good time!"

I got jumped coming home last night,
Shadow in the alley turned out all my lights,
Round and round and round and round and round and round and round,
Don't take much to get me on the ground.

Loose Lucy, she was sore, says I know you don't want my love no more,
Yeh-yeh yeh-yeh yeh-yeh yeh, singing, "Thank you, for a real good time!"

Be-bop baby how can this be? I know you been out a' cheating on me,
Round and round and round and round and round and round and round,
Don't take much to get the word around.

Cross my heart and hope to die, I was just hanging out with the other guys,
Yeh-yeh yeh-yeh yeh-yeh yeh, singing, "Thank you, for a real good time!"

Went back home with two black eyes, you know I'll love ya till the day I die,
Round and round and round and round and round and round and round,
Don't take much to get the word around.

I like your smile but I ain't your type,
Don't shake the tree when its fruit ain't ripe,
Yeh-yeh yeh-yeh yeh-yeh yeh, singing yeh-yeh yeh-yeh yeh-yeh yeh,
Singing yeh-yeh yeh-yeh yeh-yeh yeh,
Singing, "Thank you, for a real good time!"

 


Grateful Dead:

04-08-89, Riverfront Coliseum, Cincinnati, OH
10-22-89, Charlotte Coliseum, Charlotte, NC
07-08-90, Three Rivers Stadium, Pittsburgh, PA
09-07-90, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
09-08-90, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
03-18-91, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
03-20-91, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
03-21-91, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
06-09-91, Buckeye Lake Music Center, Hebron, OH
06-14-91, RFK Stadium, Washington, D.C.
06-21-91, Soldier Field, Chicago, IL
06-24-91, Sandstone Amphitheatre, Bonner Springs, KS
09-04-91, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
09-05-91, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
09-06-91, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
06-06-92, Rich Stadium, Orchard Park, NY
06-08-92, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
06-09-92, Richifeld Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
06-11-92, Knickerbocker Arena, Albany, NY
06-12-92, Knickerbocker Arena, Albany, NY
06-14-92, Giants Stadium, East Rutherford, NJ
06-15-92, Giants Stadium, East Rutherford, NJ
06-17-92, Charlotte Coliseum, Charlotte, NC
06-18-92, Charlotte Coliseum, Charlotte, NC
06-20-92, RFK Stadium, Washington, D.C.
06-22-92, Star Lake Amphiteatre, Burgettstown, PA
06-23-92, Star Lake Amphiteatre, Burgettstown, PA
06-25-92, Soldier Field, Chicago, IL
06-26-92, Soldier Field, Chicago, IL *
07-01-92, Buckeye Lake Music Center, Hebron, OH
03-14-93, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
03-17-93, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
03-18-93, Capital Centre, Landover, MD *
06-11-93, Buckeye Lake Music Center, Hebron, OH
06-18-93, Soldiers Field, Chicago, IL
06-21-93, Deer Creek Music Center, Noblesville, IN *
06-22-93, Deer Creek Music Center, Noblesville, IN
09-09-93, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
09-10-93, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
03-20-94, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
03-21-94, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
07-29-94, Buckeye Lake Music Center, Hebron, OH
03-17-95, The Spectrum, Philadelphia, PA *
06-30-95, Three Rivers Stadium, Pittsburgh, PA
07-02-95, Deer Creek Music Center, Noblesville, IN

* - played Loose Lucy

I saw Jerry play "Loose Lucy" a grand total of four times.  He always sounded kinda rough and winded.  Another GD fail goes out to Phil Lesh with those agonizing "Wave to the Winds."  And while we're at it, let's throw in that uninspired Bob Weir "Eternity" first set closer.  Although it did provide a nice opportunity for an early bathroom piss break.

Please do not share this information with Governor Doug Ducey (R-AZ), former President Donald Trump, and/or Deadheads.


#230. Devin

In one of his final actions of 2021, the Orange Prolapse awards Devin Nunes (R-CA) with the Presidential Medal of Freedom. 

Nunes joins an exclusive list of abhorrent sycophantic scumbags.  Most notably Rush Limbaugh.  Rumor has it that Trump was even considering bestowing the same honor upon NYC serial killer David Berkowitz aka Son of Sam (via Zoom).   As he's currently serving a life sentence in the Shawangunk Correctional Facility.  Through the years, Berkowitz apparently discovered Jesus Christ and turned over a new leaf.  


But it was mostly about freedom and gun rights in a cynical attempt to massively trigger the left.  But fearing bad optics, douchebag aide Steven Miller put the kibosh on Operation "Son of a Gun."  No joke.  You really can't make this shit up.  (Even though I just did).

Dedicated to my buddy Tan Wrestler from back in the University of Dayton days.  Back in 1989, we rode a city bus to a FREE afternoon outdoor Warrant concert in a downtown Dayton park, bought a bunch of Mad Dog with our fake Kentucky-styled McLovin' drivers licenses (mine was Lars Ulrich and his was Tom Araya), chugged it all, and then stormed to the front row along the barricade "wolfman beserker style."  Lots of teenage girls were regrettably pushed aside during our move to the front.   


Devin
sonofsaf

He’s got some dick pics of your spouse
When you’re fucking he’s the whore
Not black or white just jaded,
And his asshole’s wrecked and torn.
All the wine bottles he uncorked
Used them to fuck his crack.
And Lemiwinks was found deep in his colorectal tract.

He likes to use more hair gel than the girls
Makes him a damn superstar in this foxy world

Devin is a faggot they say
Dildo up his ass all the way
That gerbil’s gonna take him away

How the Calgon makes him groove
Near the hole between his thighs
The orange prolapse stands beside him
Spouts more election lies
We all need to stand and fight
In ways it makes you weep
A flood of blood to construe
One that can make you seethe

He will always be a Hoosier fan
As long as they don’t send him to Afghanistan

Devin is a faggot they say
Dildo up his ass all the way (Ah, ah)
That gerbil’s gonna take him away
Take me away, yeah

Now he cries and screams and pouts
They call him a retard
Feminine instincts attack his gunt is filled with lard
He’s a total fucking ho
Who’s playing truth or dare
He’ll put the screws to you
‘Cause he doesn’t give a fuck ‘bout you

Devin is a faggot they say
Dildo up his ass all the way
Ohhhh ohhh
That gerbil’s gonna take him away
Lemiwinks gonna find his way

Devin

Whoah, oohh, ohhh
Whoah, oohh, ohhh

Devin

Devin Nunes is gay

Heaven
Warrant

I've got a picture of your house
And you're standing by the door.
It's black and white and faded,
And it's looking pretty worn.
See the factory that I worked
Silhouetted in the back.
The memories are gray but man they're really coming back.

I don't need to be the king of the world
As long as I'm the hero of this little girl

Heaven isn't too far away
Closer to it everyday
No matter what your friends might say

How I love the way you move
And the sparkle in your eyes
There's a color deep inside them
Like blue suburban skys
When i come home late at night
And you're in bed asleep
I wrap my arms around you
So I can feel you breathe

I dont need to be a superman
As long as you will always be my biggest fan

Heaven isn't too far away
Closer to it everyday (Ah, ah)
No matter what your friends might say
We'll find our way, yeah

Now the lights are going out,
Along the boulevard
Memories come rushing back and makes it pretty hard
I've got nowhere left to go
And no one really cares
I don't know what to do
But I'm never giving up on you.

Heaven isn't too far away
Closer to it every day
Ohhhh ohhh
No matter what your friends say
I know we're gonna find a way

Heaven

Whoah, oohh, ohhh
Whoah, oohh, ohhh

Heaven

It's not too far away

 


 

   

Warrant:

1989 (precise date and location unknown), Dayton, OH

7-15-03, Post-Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA (opened for Whitesnake)

Please do not share this information with Devin Nunes (R-CA), former President Donald J. Trump, David Berkowitz, and fans of the thankfully deceased Rush Limbaugh.


#229. Break Spring Break

I make it a point to watch the Saturday Night Live cold opener.  Mostly because it involves halfway decent political satire regarding current events.  So I was anticipating something about the disgraceful actions and behavior of Georgia Governor Brian Kemp.  Exactly who would SNL find to play the role of that fucking scumbag?  Seriously, talk about an actor getting typecast.

Incidentally, it's Kemp's three daughters (Jarrett, Lucy, and Amy Porter) who will inevitably bear the lasting burden of their daddy's actions.  When I think of Donald Trump, I only think of an Orange Prolapse.  When I think of Hitler, I only think of the Holocaust. When I think of Senator Joe McCarthy, I don't remember him for building parks or funding libraries.  I only think of the Congressional hearings - the blatant lies and phony Communist accusations. 

My point --- from here to eternity, anyone with the last name Kemp will be thought of in terms of Jim Crow-styled voter suppression, segregation and racism.  That's one helluva legacy he's leaving for his three daughters.  I'm thinking they deserve better.  Can anyone say Georgia "forced child separation" policy 2.0?  The real question --- is there a case to be made for intervention on behalf of the local child protective care services?

Anyway, much to my surprise, last night's opening segment wasn't political.  It was called Snatched, Vaxed, or Waxed.  Kind of a Spring break/Dating Game/MTV contest in the age of pandemic.

Anyway, here's the parody.  Tough song.  Challenging lyrics.  

Dedicated to the individuals who got arrested and contracted Covid via their incarceration while partying in South Beach.

 

Break Spring Break
sonofsaf

Ha ha ha
Chug the Cutty Sark
The vomitous hangovers of college kids down South
Security call
Hotel of whores
Half naked kin made in the shade

Not the place to find new love
Unless it’s morning wood
Miami
The place to find new love
And Miami is where the real fun is
Ha ha ha

Debauchery wish of kosher hog
Salted cod for the Bacala of Bob
Let’s rock the room with Rusted Root
Send you on the way
We’ll order the pay per view UFC fight

Distaste
I’m knowing that we’ll never be friends
Downing a bottle of Dreaming Tree
Hopefully Calgon will take me away
Break break break break
Break break break break
Break spring break
Break break break break
Break break break break
Break spring break

You shit in Depends
You scowl and shit in Depends  
The beer weight gain
Chug that Cutty Sark
All my food and some dope ordered a la carte.
I fart
I’m blowing farts
My scowl my break spring

Oh break spring break
Break break
Break spring break

Butt we fucked the tightest of holes instead
Take your last breath
Butchered kosher hogs
Butt we fucked the tightest of holes instead
Take your last breath
Butchered kosher hogs

Break break
Break spring break

Break up shake up break up
Break spring break
Break up shake up break up
Break spring break
Makeup is the new love
Shake up is the new love
Break up is the new love
And Miami is where the real fun is
Break spring break

 

Shake Dog Shake
The Cure

Ha ha ha
Wake up in the dark
The after-taste of anger in the back of my mouth
Spit it on the wall
And cough some more
And scrape my skin with razor blades

And make up in the new blood
And try to look so good
Follow me
Make up in the new blood
And follow me to where the real fun is
Ha ha ha

As stale and selfish as a sick dog
Spurning sex like an animal of god
I'll tear your red hair by the roots
And hold you blazing
Hold you cherished in the dead electric light

Your face
I'll never see you this way again
I captured it so perfectly
As if I knew you'd disappear away
Shake shake shake shake
Shake shake shake shake
Shake dog shake
Shake shake shake shake
Shake shake shake shake
Shake dog shake

You hit me again
You howl and hit me again
The same sharp pain
Wakes me in the dark
And cuts me from my throat to my pounding heart
My heart
My shaking heart
My howl my shake dog

Oh shake dog shake
Shake shake
Shake dog shake

But we slept all night in the virgin's bed
And dreamed of death
And breathed like sick dogs
We slept all night in the virgin's bed
And breathed like death
And dreamed of sick dogs

Shake shake
Shake dog shake

Wake up wake up wake up
Shake dog shake
Wake up wake up wake up
Shake dog shake
Wake up in the new blood
Make up in the new blood
Shake up in the new blood
And follow me to where the real fun is
Shake dog shake




I'm embarrassed, and kinda surprised, to say that I've never seen The Cure in concert.  Of course, they've only showed up in Pittsburgh on three occasions.  The Syria Mosque in 1987, Star Lake in 1992, and the Civic Arena in 1996.  Robert Smith is 61 and not a spring chicken.  All of that constant angst and depression looks like it's finally caught up with him.

Please do not share this information with spring breakers and/or Robert Smith.


#228. Kemp

Check out the new poster children for voter suppression.  

(Split screen from left to right: Groveling Georgia gubernatorial bitch and the Orange Prolapse)

It's Governor Brian Kemp (R-GA).  And he's cowardly signing disenfranchisement legislation behind closed doors, beside a crew of white KKK holdouts, underneath a portrait of a slave plantation.  Keep in mind, this is after Trump threw Kemp under the bus for lacking the courage to lie about Trump's statewide loss in Georgia. 

(Seriously, you can't even make up this slimeball shit)

Then, Kemp's private security detail arrests Park Cannon (D-GA) after she knocked on a door.  

They hauled her off to jail and charged her with a felony.  Her crime?  She knocked on a piece of wood while trying to shed light on a bunch of sniveling, Jim Crowing, orange prolapse worshiping, namby-pambies who were taking tremendous pride in subverting the democratic process.

Every time this news story is reported by the media, all of these individuals should have their full names listed... including the two pigs.

Let's go with the Sammy Hagar version and dedicate this parody to Martins Ferry, Ohio's Man-Boy-Love-Child.  Totally forgot that I was doing the whole "dedication-bit." 



 

Kemp
sonofsaf

Fuck you up, I am Donald Trump’s clown
The anal’s rough, I mean the roughest in town
And I blow, many dicks it’s surreal
My damn asshole’s set for lunches tossed salad I’ll squeal

Ah, I’m submissive and so queer
I’m a mother fuckin’ vibration’ machine
I am a drag lady queen
Ah, fuck Eric Saferstein.

Ah, vote Brian Kemp (Kemp)
Vote Brian Kemp
Go vote Brian Kemp (Kemp)
Go vote Brian Kemp
Ow, oh, hey, you
Getting fat?
Baby, why you mean?
The job that he blows
Like a blown up slice of foreskin

Ah, I’m submissive and so queer
I’m a mother fuckin’ vibration’ machine
I am a drag lady queen
Ah, fuck Eric Saferstein.

Ah, vote Brian Kemp (Kemp)
Go vote Brian Kemp
Vote Brian Kemp (Kemp)
Go vote Brian Kemp
Kemp

Vote Brian Kemp (Kemp)
Go vote Brian Kemp
Stick it in, Kemp (Kemp)
Go vote Brian Kemp

Kemp
Kemp
Kemp
Kemp


Jump
Van Halen

I get up and nothin' gets me down
You got it tough, I've seen the toughest around
And I know, baby, just how you feel
You got to roll with the punches and get to what's real

Ah, can't you see me standin' here
I got my back against the record machine
I ain't the worst that you've seen
Ah, can't you see what I mean?

Ah, might as well jump (jump)
Might as well jump
Go ahead and jump (jump)
Go ahead and jump
Ow, oh, hey, you
Who said that?
Baby, how you been?
You say you don't know
You won't know until you begin

So can't ya see me standing here
I got my back against the record machine
I ain't the worst that you've seen
Ah, can't you see what I mean?

Ah, might as well jump (jump)
Go ahead and jump
Might as well jump (jump)
Go ahead and jump
Jump

Might as well jump (jump)
Go ahead and jump
Get it in, jump (jump)
Go ahead and jump

Jump
Jump
Jump
Jump



Van Halen:

6-15-88, Three Rivers Stadium, Pitttsburgh, PA (Monsters of Rock)
6-23-88, Rubber Bowl, Akron, OH (Monsters of Rock)
6-29-04, Post-Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA
3-21-08, Mellon Arena, Pittsburgh, PA (horrible show)
3-30-12, Consol Energy Center, Pittsburgh, PA
7-28-15, First Niagara Pavilion,  Burgettstown, PA

If I was black man who played for the Atlanta Braves, or for that matter, was anyone affiliated with Major League Baseball in any capacity whatsoever, I would immediately petition MLB commissioner Rob Manfred to suspend the 2021 All-Star game set for metro Atlanta.  And if anyone asked, I'd light-heartedly refer to my actions as a "sporty boycott."  If pressed, just say it's your ultimate desire for America's favorite pastime to remain baseball... not racism and voter suppression.

Who knows?  Maybe they could switch the game to PNC Park under the watchful eye of the Roberto Clemente statue.  Such an action, would be a "brave" statement.

Feel free to share this information with Georgia politicians from either side of the aisle.  As well as Governor Brian Kemp (R-GA), his wife Marty Argo Kemp, and/or any of their three daughters... Jarrett, Lucy, and Amy Porter.  What the hell, let's expand the list to include any active members of Emmanuel Episcopal Church.  It's the preferred location for when this scumbag family chooses to worship and praise Jeebus.


Saturday, March 27, 2021

#227. Jim Banks

Saf, why did you unleash your seething vitriol on Jim Banks (R-IN)?  After all, he's not terribly high profile.  Just a relatively obscure Congressman from Indiana.  And he's a family man who served in Afghanistan.  An individual of his stature does not deserve to be affiliated with one of your godless, excremental porn parodies!


Wrong!  

After witnessing Georgia Governor Brian Kemp's signing of legislation designed to destroy minority voting rights and disenfranchise the entire Democratic party.  Not to mention the arrest and felony charge leveled against State Senator Park Cannon (D-GA) for knocking on the door of a coward.  And the near certainty that this utter Jim Crow bullshit is currently spreading in 42 other states, I have determined that it's my outright responsibility to take action.


(For every Republican political action, there is an asinine and venomous reaction.)

So I have two options.  

1).  Donate money.

2).  Donate time and cunting creativity.

Generally speaking, the notion of giving money to any politician strikes me as a bad idea.

However, as I'm currently undertaking an effort to compose 1,000 unique musical spoofs during the year of 2021, the second option seems doable.  You know, the idea with the cunting creativity.  So from here forth, I will continue focusing much of my acute disdain on members of the Republican House... in an act of asymmetric, assholic abhorrence.  I've still got 750+ songs to go.  So keep an eye out for Operation "House Party."  Cumming on a Representative near you.



 Jim Banks
sonofsaf

Jim Banks is an asshole fart
Jim Banks is a steak well done
Jim Banks wants men to fuck him
He’s disliked, a ton

Jim Banks is an asshole fart
Jim Banks is a steak well done
Jim Banks wants men to fuck him
He’s disliked, a ton

He so wants to be gay, which is wrong
But he is gay, and a bitch
But thank the Lord he’s not promiscuous

He so wants to be gay, which is wrong
But he is gay, and a bitch
But thank the Lord he’s not promiscuous
Jim Banks
He’s Jim Banks (Jim Banks)
He’s Jim Banks

And so fuck you
He’ll fuck you until your ass falls apart
And shitting for all of us
And he likes to take a leak with his dong
Receive anal fist
The earth you’ll inherit through the meekness
And the Fields of Financial Lincoln bad
We all think he’s a bitch
Because he promised to plant his beautiful seed
And spreading all the semen’s his story
In all of us

He so wants to be gay, which is wrong
But he is gay, and a bitch
But thank the Lord he’s not promiscuous
He so wants to be gay, which is wrong
But he is gay, and a bitch
But thank the Lord he’s not promiscuous
Jim Banks (Jim Banks)
Fuck you Jim Banks (fuck you Jim Banks)
Jim Banks
Fuck Jim Banks


Give Thanks
Dan Moen

Give thanks with a grateful heart
Give thanks to the Holy One
Give thanks because He's given
Jesus Christ, His Son

Give thanks with a grateful heart
Give thanks to the Holy One
Give thanks because He's given
Jesus Christ, His Son

And now let the weak say, I am strong
Let the poor say, I am rich
Because of what the Lord has done for us

And now let the weak say, I am strong
Let the poor say, I am rich
Because of what the Lord has done for us
Give thanks
We give thanks (Give thanks)
We give thanks

God we thank You
We thank You from the bottom of our hearts
For giving Jesus to us
And we can say for the weak I am strong
Because You promised
Your strength will be perfect in our weakness
And for every financial need we have
We can sing I am rich
Because You promised to provide all of our needs
According to Your riches and glory
By Christ Jesus

And now let the weak say, I am strong
Let the poor say, I am rich
Because of what the Lord has done for us
And now let the weak say, I am strong
Let the poor say, I am rich
Because of what the Lord has done for us
Give thanks (Give thanks)
We give You thanks (We give You thanks)
Give thanks
We give thanks 




Please do not share this information with Jim Banks (R-IN), Governor Brian Kemp (R-GA), Park Cannon (D-GA), Amanda Banks and any of her three daughters... Lillian, Elizabeth, and Joann.


#226. Musing My Sedition

The Orange Prolapse called in to Fox News yesterday to talk about the insurrection.  

(Trump takes a bite outta crime... on the taxpayer dime)

“It was zero threat, right from the start, it was zero threat,” Trump said. “Look, they went in, they shouldn’t have done it. Some of them went in, and they are hugging and kissing the police and the guards, you know, they had great relationships.”



Musing My Sedition
sonofsaf

Big Mac, is bigger
It's bigger than you
And lettuce Nazi (and let us not see)
The strength of a four year shit show
The Proud Boys were not wise
So stupid and fucked up
I won’t shut up

That's me not a mourner
That's me orange tanned and white
Musing my sedition
Doing my business with Jews
And I should not have ever done it
So stupid and fucked up
I tried to call your bluff

I thought that I heard you crapping
I thought that I heard you shit
I think I thought I would ask why

Every mistress, of cherry popping flowers
I'm weighing my obsessions
Lying to fake out all the news
Like a fat, asshole fucking tool, tool
So stupid and fucked up
I’m still fucked up

A piece of shit
A piece of shit, the tip of all blasphemy
A piece of shit a dip
That gave me a disease, jailed
McDonald’s Big Mac with cheese come
Bozo the clown
Still I’m so fucked up

I thought that I heard you crapping
I thought that I heard you shit
I think I thought I would ask why

But that was just my cream
That was just my cream

That's me not a mourner
That's me orange tanned and white
Musing my sedition
Doing my business with Jews
And I should not have ever done it
So stupid and fucked up
I tried to call your bluff

I thought that I heard you crapping
I thought that I heard you shit
I think I thought I would ask why

But that was just my cream
The big lie why
That was just my cream
Just my cream
Just my cream, cream


Losing My Religion
REM

Oh life, is bigger
It's bigger than you
And you are not me
The lengths that I will go to
The distance in your eyes
Oh no I've said too much
I set it up

That's me in the corner
That's me in the spot-light
Losing my religion
Trying to keep up with you
And I don't know if I can do it
Oh no I've said too much
I haven't said enough

I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try

Every whisper, of every waking hour
I'm choosing my confessions
Trying to keep an eye on you
Like a hurt, lost and blinded fool, fool
Oh no I've said too much
I set it up

Consider this
Consider this, the hint of the century
Consider this the slip
That brought me to my knees, failed
What if all these fantasies come
Flailing around
Now I've said too much

I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try

But that was just a dream
That was just a dream

That's me in the corner
That's me in the spot-light
Losing my religion
Trying to keep up with you
And I don't know if I can do it
Oh no I've said too much
I haven't said enough

I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try

But that was just a dream
Try, cry, fly, try
That was just a dream
Just a dream
Just a dream, dream



I never saw REM in concert.  Fail.  The closest I came was scalping the hell outta their 1989 show at Riverfront Coliseum in Cincinnati... while physically living in Dayton.

My buddy Quark does a pretty solid rendition of the Michael Stipe "Losing my Religion" dance move.


Please do not share this information with former President Donald J. Trump, Michael Stipe imitators, and/or Big Mac fanatics.


#225. Sein

Everyone's writing a song about something.  

So here is a song about nothing.

It's based on the scene where Jerry forgets his new girlfriend's name which coincidentally rhymes with a part of the female anatomy.  So he reminisces about his own past nicknames.  Including Jerry Jerry Dingleberry and Sein-smelled.  Definitely a Top 10 episode --- good 'ol Mulva, triangle art, and the Junior Mint.


Sein
sonofsaf

And the Sein smelled
“High-haired Kramer neighbors
Give you the eye“
So I frizzed my hair up high in the air
And gave mousse another try
He said, “Babu Bhatt’s from the land of Pakistan
No soup for you“
So I ordered n’at and said, “Soup’s where it’s at
Here’s an armoire for you“
Whoa

Sein smelled
Frank Costanza yelled
Mulva’s pleasant scenery
Titliest find
B.O., gestapo
Can't you smell the Sein?

And the Sein smelled
“Secret BOSCO cash advancin’
Bootleggers are white"
So I ripped off my shirt and howled in the dark
“No chest hair in the night
Invitation sent gimme a shout
For some Kenny Roasters chicken
If Maude was here, breathtaking baby face
'Man, you’re an orgy swinger”

Sein smelled
Frank Costanza yelled
Mulva’s pleasant scenery
Titliest find
B.O., gestapo
Can't you smell the Sein?

Now, father, mudda, was the breed
You puffy up that shirt when you go on TV
Uncle Leo’s watch, don’t work you see
That house in Long Island ain’t near

The Sein smelled, “And Mel Torme thinks you’re a retard
And you replied“
Uh

And the Sein smelled
“David Puddy is dumb
You’re in downtown so they say“
Run the race but I woke up late alarm clock took the fall
No chocolate babka today
So I got me a pen and a paper
Invited to a party to dine
No way that wine is better than Pepsi
Deaf B.L. is lookin’ fine“
Woo!

Sein smelled
Frank Costanza yelled
Mulva’s pleasant scenery
Titliest find
B.O., gestapo
Can't you smell the Sein?

Sein smelled
Frank Costanza yelled

Sein


Signs
Tesla

And the sign said
"Long-haired freaky people
Need not apply"
So I tucked my hair up under my hat
And I went in to ask him why
He said, "You look like a fine upstandin' young man
I think you'll do"
So I took off my hat and said, "Imagine that
Huh, me workin' for you"
Whoa

Sign, sign
Everywhere a sign
Blockin' out the scenery
Breakin' my mind
Do this, don't do that
Can't you read the sign?

And the sign said
"Anybody caught trespassin'
Will be shot on sight"
So I jumped on the fence and I yelled at the house
"Hey! What gives you the right
To put up a fence to keep me out
But to keep Mother Nature in?
If God was here, he'd tell you to your face
'Man, you're some kind of sinner'"

Sign, sign
Everywhere a sign
Blockin' out the scenery
Breakin' my mind
Do this, don't do that
Can't you read the sign?

Now, hey you, mister, can't you read?
You got to have a shirt and tie to get a seat
You can't even watch, no, you can't eat
You ain't supposed to be here

The sign said, "You've got to have a membership card
To get inside"
Uh

And the sign said
"Everybody welcome
Come in, kneel down and pray"
But when they passed around the plate at the end of it all
I didn't have a penny to pay
So I got me a pen and a paper
And I made up my own little sign
I said, "Thank you, Lord, for thinkin' 'bout me
I'm alive and doin' fine"
Woo!

Sign, sign
Everywhere a sign
Blockin' out the scenery
Breakin' my mind
Do this, don't do that
Can't you read the sign?

Sign, sign
Everywhere a sign

Sign



Tesla:

7-14-18, KeyBank Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA (opened for Styx & Joan Jett)

7-8-16, First Niagara Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA (opened for Def Leppard & REO Speedwagon)

I had no idea that Tesla was so "yinzer-prolific."  Believe it or not, Tesla has come to the Burgh over 20 times.  Twenty one to be precise.  So when it comes to Tesla, I'm a "10 percenter."  Meaning that when the modern day cowboys come to town, I go check 'em out 10% of the time.  Ten and a half (10.5%) to be precise.

Feel free to share this material with Seinfeld fans and/or people who drive Tesla automobiles.  Gordonathon, I'm talkin' to you.