#156. Cuomo

The sexual harassment claims against Governor Andrew Cuomo appear to be mounting.

Accuser #1:  Lindsey Boylan

Accuser #2:  Charlotte Bennett

Accuser #3:  Anna Ruch

Not nearly as bad as the Orange Prolapse leading the field with 26 claims of sexual harassment.  However, it would appear the accusations are taking a political toll on Cuomo.  So naturally, I thought I'd better weigh in.

Cuomo
sonofsaf

He met her in the capital of Albany
Kissed her at a gay pride rally even though he wasn’t a homo
H-O-M-O, homo

She said I’m not a cunt bitchin’ he was a dog
She asked him his name and in a New York voice he said “Cuomo”
C-U-Oh-Mo, Cuomo
Cuh-Cuh-Cuh-Cuh-Cuomo

Well, he gets around, and he always looks clean
A man who sits in a mansion, but he's wicked and mean
Oh, my Cuomo
Cuh-Cuh-Cuh-Cuh-Cuomo

Well, she’s not blond, and does not have implants
Why did he kiss me on the lips sexual harassment
Oh, my Cuomo
Cuh-Cuh-Cuh-Cuh-Cuomo
Cuh-Cuh-Cuh-Cuh-Cuomo

Well, her job shouldn’t be so hardcore
Like a gangbang orgy that’s so hard to ignore
But Hannity, said it’s her fault, of course
He said, “Come to Fox News and we’ll show you the source.”

Well, she’s not the kind that would argue with Fox
So she’ll probably have to suck on all of their cocks
With my Cuomo
Cuh-Cuh-Cuh-Cuh-Cuomo
Cuh-Cuh-Cuh-Cuh-Cuomo

Cuomo
Cuh-Cuh-Cuh-Cuh-Cuomo
Cuh-Cuh-Cuh-Cuh-Cuomo

Then she watched some Fox
Went right to the source
Spread rumors of course
While she gave them some head
And don’t you forget what Cuomo said

He said, "Look, I am the most powerful man"
"If you would just go away, maybe Afghanistan"
Oh, my Cuomo
Cuh-Cuh-Cuh-Cuh-Cuomo

"I know Republicans have really got in your head”
"But remember, if you out me, then you might wind up dead”
Oh, my Cuomo
Cuh-Cuh-Cuh-Cuh-Cuomo

Well, she’s not very sorry she will confess
If I'm gonna make out, no Cuomo, god bless
But truth be told I always thought he was gay
Who knows what’s in his heart, the games that we play

The non-disclosure I’ll likely sign
But I’ll never divulge until the money is mine
With my Cuomo
Cuh-Cuh-Cuh-Cuh-Cuomo
Cuh-Cuh-Cuh-Cuh-Cuomo

Cuomo
Cuh-Cuh-Cuh-Cuh-Cuomo
Cuh-Cuh-Cuh-Cuh-Cuomo

Cuomo
Cuh-Cuh-Cuh-Cuh-Cuomo
Cuh-Cuh-Cuh-Cuh-Cuomo

Cuomo
Cuh-Cuh-Cuh-Cuh-Cuomo
Cuh-Cuh-Cuh-Cuh-Cuomo

 

Yoda
Weird Al

I met him in a swamp down in Dagobah
Where it bubbles all the time like a giant carbonated soda
S-O-D-A, soda

I saw the little runt sitting there on a log
I asked him his name and in a raspy voice he said "Yoda"
Y-O-D-A, Yoda
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo-Yoda

Well, I've been around, but I ain't never seen
A guy who looks like a muppet, but he's wrinkled and green
Oh, my Yoda
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo-Yoda

Well, I'm not dumb, but I can't understand
How he can lift me in the air just by raising his hand
Oh, my Yoda
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo-Yoda
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo-Yoda

Well, I left home just a week before
And I've never ever been a Jedi before
But Obi Wan, he set me straight, of course
He said, "Go to Yoda and he'll show you the Force"

Well, I'm not the kind that would argue with Ben
So it looks like I'm gonna start all over again
With my Yoda
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo-Yoda
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo-Yoda

Yoda
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo-Yoda
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo-Yoda

So I used the Force
I picked up a box
I lifted some rocks
While I stood on my head
Well, I won't forget what Yoda said

He said, "Luke, stay away from the darker side"
"If you start to go astray, let the Force be your guide"
Oh, my Yoda
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo-Yoda

"I know Darth Vader's really got you annoyed"
"But remember, if you kill him, then you'll be unemployed"
Oh, my Yoda
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo-Yoda

Well, I heard my friends really got in a mess
So I'm gonna have to leave Yoda I guess
But I know that I'll be coming back some day
I'll be playing this part 'til I'm old and gray

The long-term contract I had to sign
Says I'll be making these movies 'til the end of time
With my Yoda
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo-Yoda
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo-Yoda

Yoda
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo-Yoda
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo-Yoda

Yoda
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo-Yoda
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo-Yoda

Yoda
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo-Yoda
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo-Yoda

Assuming the allegations against Cuomo have merit, which it would seem like they do, I think this parody has legs.  So feel free to run with it.  Could have "off Broadway" karaoke potential in the Big Apple.

Please do not share this information with Governor Andrew Cuomo (D-NY), Lindsey Boylan, Charlotte Bennett, Anna Ruch, former President Donald J. Trump, and/or Weird Al Yankovic.