#192. Have You Ever Seen Mark Madden

I always look forward to Mark Madden's sports radio show on WXDX 105.9 (weekdays 3pm-6pm).  

Word for word, it's easily the best sports radio talk show... in the history of mankind.  I needn't even listen to any of the self-described competition.  None exists.

One of these days, I'd like to get my hands on one of those t-shirts.  The perfect gift for my buddy Hostile Golfer from Philly (Yardley). 

The only dilemma here is that the Super Genius hates my guts.  For undiscussable reasons grounded in the theater of ironic absurdity.  Even more comical, my wife and I are good friends with the individual who determines his yearly salary.  And lately, he's been incessantly yapping about his latest economic windfall.
A brand new 3-year "ironclad" contract.  Whatevs.  Congratulations. 

My only beef with Double M is that he focuses too much on hockey talk.  Sure I'm a Penguins fans.  But I'm not one to over-analyze the line configurations, salary cap maneuvering, trade possibilities (I have no idea who plays 2nd line defense on the Calgary Flames), etc.  I prefer it when he verbally trashes Bob Nutting and the Pirates.  And discusses the surrounding rumors and finer points of Steelers football.  We're pretty much on the same wave length regarding Liverpool, concerts, cuisine, even the Riverhounds and old school pro wrestling.  Whatever you think of the man's delivery, albeit rather caustic and biting, his shit is always spot-on.

My point --- Mark Madden deserves our eternal appreciation and a key to the city.  

Mayor Bike Lane --- Get on that ASAP.

I'll willingly admit to having a bit of a moral struggle when I wrote this snappy parody.  Anyhoodles...

 

Have You Ever Seen Mark Madden
sonofsaf

Have you ever seen Mark Madden, use his hands (whack whack)
Have you ever seen Mark Madden, use his hands (whack whack)
Have you ever seen Mark Madden, and his cock will surely blow it
Have you ever seen Mark Madden, use his hands (whack whack)

Have you ever seen Mark Madden, beat his meat (chomp chomp)
Have you ever seen Mark Madden, beat his meat (chomp chomp)
Have you ever seen Mark Madden, and his cock will surely blow it
Have you ever seen Mark Madden, beat his meat (chomp chomp)

Have you ever seen Mark Madden, masturbate (Jag off)
Have you ever seen Mark Madden, masturbate (Jag off)
Have you ever seen Mark Madden, and his cock will surely blow it
Have you ever seen Mark Madden, masturbate (Jag off)

Have you ever heard Mark Madden, disagree (whack-whack, chomp-chomp, Jag off)
Have you ever heard Mark Madden, disagree (whack-whack, chomp-chomp, Jag off)
Have you ever heard Mark Madden, he’s a dick and surely knows it
Have you ever heard Mark Madden, disagree (whack-whack, chomp-chomp, Jag off)

If You’re Happy And You Know It
Unknown

If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands (clap clap)
If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands (clap clap)
If you're happy and you know it, then your face will surely show it
If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. (clap clap)

If you're happy and you know it, stomp your feet (stomp stomp)
If you're happy and you know it, stomp your feet (stomp stomp)
If you're happy and you know it, then your face will surely show it
If you're happy and you know it, stomp your feet. (stomp stomp)

If you're happy and you know it, shout "Hurray!" (hoo-ray!)
If you're happy and you know it, shout "Hurray!" (hoo-ray!)
If you're happy and you know it, then your face will surely show it
If you're happy and you know it, shout "Hurray!" (hoo-ray!)

If you're happy and you know it, do all three (clap-clap, stomp-stomp, hoo-ray!)
If you're happy and you know it, do all three (clap-clap, stomp-stomp, hoo-ray!)
If you're happy and you know it, then your face will surely show it
If you're happy and you know it, do all three. (clap-clap, stomp-stomp, hoo-ray!)

Since moving to Pittsburgh in 2015, I've had about a half dozen run-ins with Mark Madden.  And with each encounter, his level of frustration and hostility has grown exponentially.  For the life of me, I'll never be able to comprehend why Madden doesn't like my "schtick."  You'd think it would totally appeal to his sensibilities.  Why?  Because my specific brand of information about venue safety and security is a match made in heaven... and hell.  

I have my own theories regarding his vitriolic contempt.  But I'll save it for when the shit hits the fan.

Fell free to share this material with anyone.  Well, except Mark Madden of course.