#204. My Eight Green

Aging wide receiver A.J. Green just signed an 8 million dollar, one year contract with the Arizona Cardinals.  Six million guaranteed.  Lookin' good.   

You know how the Sopranos crew had those "alternative synonyms" to describe increments of cash by the thousands?  G's, dimes, large, lodge, big ones, boxes of ziti, etc.

Well I think pro football players should come up with a slang term for their millions.  Exclusive only to NFL superstars.  As in... Cincinnati's A.J. Green just signed with Arizona for eight "GREENS"... you green-backin' mutha fucka!  He could set the trend.  He could be the namesake.  Adriel Jeremiah Green should be the one who spearheads this movement.  

An entirely different Green who used to play for the Cardinals was involved in a sodomy lawsuit, but that's neither here nor there.  

Anyway, in my fantasy world, A.J. Green snags a house in Paradise Valley and opens up a hipster restaurant in Old Town Scottsdale.  He plays one final year, has a subpar few games, gets injured, and then calls it quits.  Well, at least that's how the song turned out.  Except for the name of the restaurant.  Let's call it "Mean Green Killing Machine" (a not too subtle Overkill reference).

 

My Eight Green
sonofsaf

Lines form all throughout the land
Lines form and the anthem sounds
Arizona here I’ll make my last stand
Not a boy and you’re a fan

My eight green
I’ll start a posh restaurant
Eight green
I think we’ll serve up croissants
Eight green
It’s where I choose to play
It’s my place in the human race
And the life I choose to embrace
Oh yeah

I've got some
Aching pains and food a la carte
Drank many beers I’m still a star
I’ll eat a reuben without sauerkraut
Refusin’ to pluralize the brussel sprout
'Cause it’s

Eight green
I get abused every way
Eight green
They always ask what I weigh
Eight green
I choose where I wanna play
Whoa

Lines form all throughout the land
Lines form and the anthem sounds
I'm outside Phoenix, Glendale is my life
Not a boy and you’re a fan

My eight green helps me buy shit
Yeah I buy shit
Oh, I buy shit, eat shit
Buy shit, eat shit
Eight green, eight green, eight green
Eight green and I buy shit

  

I’m Eighteen
Alice Cooper

Lines form on my face and hands
Lines form from the ups and downs
I'm in the middle without any plans
I'm a boy and I'm a man

I'm eighteen
And I don't know what I want
Eighteen
I just don't know what I want
Eighteen
I gotta get away
I've gotta get out of this place
I'll go runnin' in outer space
Oh yeah

I've got a
Baby's brain and an old man's heart
Took eighteen years to get this far
Don't always know what I'm talkin' about
Feels like I'm livin' in the middle of doubt
'Cause I'm

Eighteen
I get confused every day
Eighteen
I just don't know what to say
Eighteen
I gotta get away
Whoa

Lines form on my face and my hands
Lines form on the left and right
I'm in the middle, the middle of life
I'm a boy and I'm a man

I'm eighteen and I like it
Yes I like it
Oh, I like it, love it
Like it, love it
Eighteen, eighteen, eighteen
Eighteen and I like it

Alice Cooper:

9-3-10, Classic Park, Eastlake, OH

8-12-11, Stage AE, Pittsburgh, PA

7-15-12, Stage AE, Pittsburgh, PA

6-23-13, Stage AE, Pittsburgh, PA

5-20-16, Stage AE, Pittsburgh, PA

9-1-17, KeyBank Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA

10-26-18, Stage AE, Pittsburgh, PA

Feel free to share this information with Arizona Cardinals Wide Receiver A.J. Green, residents of the greater Phoenix area, restaurateurs, and/or anyone who has ever dealt with a lawsuit alleging sodomy.