I make it a point to watch the Saturday Night Live cold opener. Mostly because it involves halfway decent political satire regarding current events. So I was anticipating something about the disgraceful actions and behavior of Georgia Governor Brian Kemp. Exactly who would SNL find to play the role of that fucking scumbag? Seriously, talk about an actor getting typecast.
Incidentally, it's Kemp's three daughters (Jarrett, Lucy, and Amy Porter) who will inevitably bear the lasting burden of their daddy's actions. When I think of Donald Trump, I only think of an Orange Prolapse. When I think of Hitler, I only think of the Holocaust. When I think of Senator Joe McCarthy, I don't remember him for building parks or funding libraries. I only think of the Congressional hearings - the blatant lies and phony Communist accusations.
My point --- from here to eternity, anyone with the last name Kemp will be thought of in terms of Jim Crow-styled voter suppression, segregation and racism. That's one helluva legacy he's leaving for his three daughters. I'm thinking they deserve better. Can anyone say Georgia "forced child separation" policy 2.0? The real question --- is there a case to be made for intervention on behalf of the local child protective care services?
Anyway, much to my surprise, last night's opening segment wasn't political. It was called Snatched, Vaxed, or Waxed. Kind of a Spring break/Dating Game/MTV contest in the age of pandemic.
Anyway, here's the parody. Tough song. Challenging lyrics.
Dedicated to the individuals who got arrested and contracted Covid via their incarceration while partying in South Beach.
Break Spring Break
sonofsaf
Ha ha ha
Chug the Cutty Sark
The vomitous hangovers of college kids down South
Security call
Hotel of whores
Half naked kin made in the shade
Not the place to find new love
Unless it’s morning wood
Miami
The place to find new love
And Miami is where the real fun is
Ha ha ha
Debauchery wish of kosher hog
Salted cod for the Bacala of Bob
Let’s rock the room with Rusted Root
Send you on the way
We’ll order the pay per view UFC fight
Distaste
I’m knowing that we’ll never be friends
Downing a bottle of Dreaming Tree
Hopefully Calgon will take me away
Break break break break
Break break break break
Break spring break
Break break break break
Break break break break
Break spring break
You shit in Depends
You scowl and shit in Depends
The beer weight gain
Chug that Cutty Sark
All my food and some dope ordered a la carte.
I fart
I’m blowing farts
My scowl my break spring
Oh break spring break
Break break
Break spring break
Butt we fucked the tightest of holes instead
Take your last breath
Butchered kosher hogs
Butt we fucked the tightest of holes instead
Take your last breath
Butchered kosher hogs
Break break
Break spring break
Break up shake up break up
Break spring break
Break up shake up break up
Break spring break
Makeup is the new love
Shake up is the new love
Break up is the new love
And Miami is where the real fun is
Break spring break
Shake Dog Shake
The Cure
Ha ha ha
Wake up in the dark
The after-taste of anger in the back of my mouth
Spit it on the wall
And cough some more
And scrape my skin with razor blades
And make up in the new blood
And try to look so good
Follow me
Make up in the new blood
And follow me to where the real fun is
Ha ha ha
As stale and selfish as a sick dog
Spurning sex like an animal of god
I'll tear your red hair by the roots
And hold you blazing
Hold you cherished in the dead electric light
Your face
I'll never see you this way again
I captured it so perfectly
As if I knew you'd disappear away
Shake shake shake shake
Shake shake shake shake
Shake dog shake
Shake shake shake shake
Shake shake shake shake
Shake dog shake
You hit me again
You howl and hit me again
The same sharp pain
Wakes me in the dark
And cuts me from my throat to my pounding heart
My heart
My shaking heart
My howl my shake dog
Oh shake dog shake
Shake shake
Shake dog shake
But we slept all night in the virgin's bed
And dreamed of death
And breathed like sick dogs
We slept all night in the virgin's bed
And breathed like death
And dreamed of sick dogs
Shake shake
Shake dog shake
Wake up wake up wake up
Shake dog shake
Wake up wake up wake up
Shake dog shake
Wake up in the new blood
Make up in the new blood
Shake up in the new blood
And follow me to where the real fun is
Shake dog shake
I'm embarrassed, and kinda surprised, to say that I've never seen The Cure in concert. Of course, they've only showed up in Pittsburgh on three occasions. The Syria Mosque in 1987, Star Lake in 1992, and the Civic Arena in 1996. Robert Smith is 61 and not a spring chicken. All of that constant angst and depression looks like it's finally caught up with him.
Please do not share this information with spring breakers and/or Robert Smith.
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