#3310. Trump Card

Commerce Secretary Howard Fuckstick claimed that about 70,000 individuals have applied for the Trump Card.

At a cost of 5 million dollars, the expedited immigration application process isn't very detailed.  You basically go to the official government "website" and enter your name and email address.  Reminds me of those stories from the early 90's, when people were getting Discover Cards for their cats and dogs.  

Tippy Saferstein?  Yeah, that sounds about right.  

The Orange Prolapse is apparently upset that "trumpcard.gov" is all lowercase letters.  Naturally, he thinks the domain name should be in ALL CAPS.

The Trump Card upside?  No internet trolling teenagers will be able to make a mockery of the sign-up process and extensive "waiting list."     

 

 

Trump Card
sonofsaf

Big lyin’ the Trump Card
Helluva a hooray
Jared’s cock is Israeli
Kosher Kushner obey
Big lyin’ the Trump Card
Helluva clown maybe trans
Hell the asshole of mugshots
Hella fake that’s all

 

Graveyard
Butthole Surfers

You lie in the graveyard
Well you're rotting away
When I talk to you daily
You've got nothing to say
You lie in the graveyard
Well you are down making plans
Well you control all my thoughts
Well you make dust fall

 

That '91 Lollapalooza version was a bit rough.  Here's a cleaner take. 

From 1993 to 1996, the Butthole Surfers played the Burgh 3 times.  Most notably at "unknown venue" in the winter of 1993.  IYKYK.  Never saw 'em.

The Big Lie: (#2430)

#3000. Kash (Stash --- Phish)

#3001.  Keith Sonderling (Jesus Is King --- Selah)

#3002.  Bannon (Cannon --- Jack White)

#3003.  Kash (Trash --- New York Dolls)

#3004.  Ashley Moody (Call Of Duty --- Anvil)

#3005.  Kash (Trash --- Silverchair)

#3006.  TikTok (Bangkok --- Destroyer)

#3007.  Michael Vrabel (God Is Able --- Planetshakers)

#3008.  Kristi Lynn Noem (Autumn In Rome --- Tony Bennett)

#3009.  Noem (Rome --- Destroyer)

#3010.  Mulligan's Big Lie (Mulligan's Big Lie --- Lin Manuel Miranda)

#3011.  Kristi Lynn Noem (Under A Dome --- Of Monsters And Men)

#3012.  Hegseth (Macbeth --- Frank Turner & Jon Snodgrass)

#3013.  Trumpin' & Dumpin' (Garden Of Eden --- Ratt)

#3014.  Trumpin' & Dumpin' (Garden Of Eden --- Harem Scarem)

#3015.  Trumpin' & Dumpin' (Garden Of Eden --- Paula Cole)

#3016.  Kristi Noem (Heart Of Rome --- Elvis Presley)

#3017.  Ivanka's A Cunt (Memories Of Love --- Chicago)

#3018.  The J-6 Hostages (Song For The Hostages --- Five For Fighting)

#3019.  Stormy D.'s A Cunt (Memory Of Love --- Elton John)

#3020.  Jeff Van Drew (Thru And Thru --- Rolling Stones)

#3021.  Jeff Van Drew (Not For You --- Pearl Jam)

#3022.  Daniel Ball (Alcohol --- Butthole Surfers)

#3023.  Oath Keeper Rhodes (So Many Roads --- Grateful Dead)

#3024.  Pardon (Garden --- Pearl Jam)

#3025.  Noem Crust (Dome Rust --- Guided by Voices)

#3026.  Trump Dumpin' Rage (The Golden Age --- Cracker)

#3027.  Trumpin' 'n Dumpin' (Garden Of Eden --- Chinchilla)

#3028.  Proud Boys (Bad Boys --- Inner Circle)

#3029.  Guy Reffitt (Forget It --- Rodriguez)

#3030.  Reffitt (Bullshit --- Guttermouth)

#3031.  Oath Keeper Rhodes (So Many Roads --- Joe Bonamassa)

#3032.  Trump Forever (Come Together --- Soundgarden)

#3033.  Trump Trump Trump (Dump Dump Dump --- Urge Overkill)

#3034.  Donald J. Trump's A Clown (Who Can It Be Now --- Men At Work)

#3035.  Proud Boys Will Defile (Bad Boys Running Wild --- Scorpions)

#3036.  Proud Boys (Bad Boys --- Whitesnake)

#3037.  Hegseth (Last Breath --- Low)

#3038.  Trump Wants A Tariff (I Shot The Sheriff --- Bob Marley & The Wailers)

#3039.  A Tariff (The Sheriff --- The Strumbellas)

#3040.  Andrew Kloster (Great Imposter --- The Fleetwoods)

#3041.  Go To Hell / Benjamin Black (Morning Bell / Amnesiac --- Radiohead)

#3042.  Netanyahu (Who's Cheatin' Who --- Alan Jackson)

#3043.  Trump's A Cunt (For Your Love --- The Yardbirds)

#3044.  Brendan Carr (Lucky Star --- Madonna)

#3045.  Marocco's Load (Tobacco Road --- David Lee Roth)

#3046.  Brendan Carr (lucky star --- Nessa Barrett)

#3047.  Noem (Rome --- Yeasayer)

#3048.  Brendan Carr (Superstar --- Social Distortion)

#3049.  FCC's Brendan Carr (You Are My Lucky Star --- Gene Kelly & Debbie Reynolds)

#3050. McClain (Insane --- The Hives)

#3051.  Paula White (Fly By Night --- Rush)

#3052.  Paula White (Candlelight --- The Mystery Writers)

#3053.  Paula White (Dynamite --- Son Volt)

#3054.  Elon Musk's DOGE (Holiday Road --- Lindsey Buckingham)

#3055.  Unanue (Day By Day --- The Hooters)

#3056.  Finland's Howard Brodie (On Top Of Old Smoky --- Burl Ives)

#3057.  Elon's DOGE (Vintage Clothes --- Paul McCartney)

#3058.  Paula White (Parasite --- Kiss)

#3059.  Brendan Carr (Caviar --- Wavves)

#3060.  Taake's Fuckin' Gay (Rocky Mountain Way --- Joe Walsh)

#3061.  Brendan Carr (lucky star --- Ricky Nelson)

#3062.  Whore Paula White's A Cunt (Your Inner Light Is Love --- Right Said Fred)

#3063.  The Biggest Lie (I Wonder Why --- Sha Na Na)

#3064.  Nancy Mace (Damage Case --- Motorhead)

#3065.  Emil Bove (Hello Hooray --- Alice Cooper)

#3066.  Paula White (Dynamite --- Mr. Kitty)

#3067.  Paula White (Dynamite --- Sly & The Family Stone)

#3068.  Kellogg (Black Dog --- Led Zeppelin)

#3069.  Kellogg (Hot Dog --- Elvis Presley)

#3070.  JD Vance (Take A Chance --- Olivia Newton-John & John Travolta)

#3071.  Kellogg (Hot Dog --- They Might Be Giants)

#3072.  JD Vance (Second Chance --- Lemonheads)

#3073.  Trance (Vance --- Screeching Weasel)

#3074.  JD Vance (Second Chance --- Don Williams)

#3075.  Kellogg (Hot Dog --- Mark Knopfler)

#3076.  JD Vance (If By Chance --- Patti LaBelle)

#3077.  Edward Robert Martin (Fightin' Fuckin' Fartin' --- Wheeler Walker Jr.)

#3078.  Vance (Dance --- Jesus Culture)

#3079.  Tucker (Sucker --- Marcus King)

#3080.  Congressman Hern's Pink Slime (If I Could Turn Back Time --- Cher)

#3081.  Turn! Turn! Turn!  (Hern! Hern! Hern! --- The Byrds)

#3082.  Hern's A Fuckin' Cunt (Turn My Back On Love --- Triumph)

#3083.  Hern's A Fuckin' Cunt (Turn It Into Love --- Kylie Minogue)

#3084.  Terry Cole (Rock And Roll --- Led Zeppelin)

#3085.  Tenney's A Piece Of Shit (Any Way You Want It --- The Ramones)

#3086.  Jack Posobiec (Right Side Of My Neck --- Faye Webster)

#3087.  JD Vance (Song And Dance --- Buck Owens)

#3088.  JD Vance (If By Chance --- Dean Martin)

#3089.  JD Vance (Take A Chance --- Chicago)

#3090.  Usha (Russia --- Tori Amos)

#3091.  JD Vance (Half A Chance --- Carly Simon)

#3092.  JD Vance (Half A Chance --- Vince Gill)

#3093.  Schimel Plan (Simple Man --- Lynyrd Skynyrd)

#3094.  Schimel (Simple --- Phish)

#3095.  Caine (Rain --- Planetshakers)

#3096.  Caine (Rain --- Skinny Puppy)

#3097.  Caine (Rain --- Rusted Root)

#3098.  Caine (Rain --- Grateful Dead)

#3099.  Dan Bongino (Love Casino --- Lenny Kravitz)

#3100.  Bongino (Casino --- Gleemer)

#3101.   Trumpin' Dumpin' Ass: He's Always Shittin' --- (Living Loving: She's Just A Woman --- Led Zeppelin)

#3102.  JD Vance (Song And Dance --- The Sound)

#3103.  Amy Gleason (Feels Like Treason --- Magnum)

#3104.  Jimmy Fuckin' Comer (Gary's Got A Boner --- The Replacements)

#3105.  Gleason (Reason --- The Cranberries)

#3106.  The Donald's Gay (This Is The Day --- The The)

#3107.  Dan Caine (Cocaine -- Eric Clapton)

#3108.  Ryan Woods (Damaged Goods --- Stabbing Westward)

#3109.  Cincinnati's Charlie Hustle (Colostomy Jigsaw Puzzle --- Cattle Decapitation)

#3110.  Charlie Hustle (Picture Puzzle --- Shirley Bassey)

#3111.  Marshall's Cock (Martial Law --- Ghostmane)

#3112.  Marshall's Cock (Martial Law --- Ookay)

#3113.  Floyd Joy Mayweather (Let's Stay Together --- Al Green)

#3114.  Brian Glenn (Now And Then --- The Beatles)

#3115.  Gleason Is A Cunt (Seasons In The Sun --- Terry Jacks)

#3116.  John Ratcliffe Baby (Take A Whiff On Me --- The Byrds)

#3117.  Hey Ukraine (Hey Nineteen --- Steely Dan)

#3118.  Hayden Haynes (Wooden Planes --- Art Garfunkel)

#3119.  Haynes (Chains --- Iggy Pop)

#3120.  Stormy's Tits Are Fake (When The Levee Breaks --- Led Zeppelin)

#3121.  Brian Glenn (Born Again --- Supergrass)

#3122.  Daughter-Wife (Afterlife --- Illenium)

#3123.  Dan Caine (The Chain --- Fleetwood Mac)

#3124.  Dan Bongino's Shitty (Cappuccino City --- Rolling Blackouts Coastal Fever)

#3125.  Paula White (Parasite -- Volbeat)

#3126.  Dan Caine (Queen Jane --- Grateful Dead)

#3127.  Paula White (Dynamite --- Scorpions)

#3128.  Fuck JD Vance (Just One More Chance --- Dean Martin)

#3129.  Toilet Stall (Free For All --- Ted Nugent)

#3130.  Anal Hegseth (Angel Of Death --- Slayer)

#3131.  Bill Bazzi (Bumblebee --- Ween)

#3132.  White Cunt Of Bill Bazzi (Flight Of The Bumblebee --- The Alchemist)

#3133.  Clowns Of MAGA (South Of Heaven --- Slayer)

#3134.  Horseface (Racehorse --- Kelly Clarkson)

#3135.  Steak 'n Shake (Rattlesnake --- Live)

#3136.  Musk (Dusk --- Carbon Leaf)

#3137.  Cybertruck (Thunderstruck --- AC/DC)

#3138.  Elon's Cybertruck (Running Out Of Luck --- Mick Jagger)

#3139.  Cybertruck (What The Fuck --- Bill Wurtz)

#3140.  Cybertruck (What The Fuck --- Ryan Adams)

#3141.  Pete Hegseth (The Black Death --- Something Rotten! Original Broadway Soundtrack)

#3142.  Cybertruck (Out Of Luck --- Electric Light Orchestra)

#3143.  Trumpin' Dumpin' (Waken Baken --- Wiz Khalifa)

#3144.  Newt Gingrich (Eat The Rich --- Motorhead)

#3145.  The Noeming (The Gloaming --- Radiohead)

#3146.  Donald J. Trump (Here Comes The Grump --- Adam Ant)

#3147.  Donald Trump (Do The Rump --- The Black Keys)

#3148.  Flood (Blood --- Pearl Jam)

#3149.  Nvidia (Albania --- Coach from Cheers TV Sitcom)

#3150.  Eichorn (Stillborn --- Black Label Society)

#3151.  Michael Flood (Raining Blood)

#3152.  Flood Is A Whore (Blood On The Floor --- Fleetwood Mac)

#3153.  Cybertruck (Semi Truck --- Teenage Bottlerocket)

#3154.  Summer Lee (Summer Breeze --- Seals & Croft)

#3155.  Tom Homan (My Omen --- Electric Guest)

#3156.  Pete Hegseth (Final Death --- Death Angel)

#3157.  Cybertruck (I Will Truck --- Dirty Projectors)

#3158.  Liberation Day (Celebration Day --- Led Zeppelin)

#3159.  Easter Egg Roll (Head Like A Hole --- Nine Inch Nails)

#3160.  Flood (Blood --- Illenium & Foy Vance)

#3161.  Cybertruck (Chicken Truck --- Aaron Tippin)

#3162.  Brandon Beach (Up The Beach --- Jane's Addicition)

#3163.  Michael John Flood: Piece Of Shit --- (If You Want Blood: You Got It --- AC/DC)

#3164.  Signalgate (It's Too Late --- Carole King)

#3165.  Signalgate (Twist Of Fate --- Olivia Newton-John)

#3166.  Brnovich (Wicked Witch --- Beatsteaks)

#3167.  Brnovich (Virgin Witch --- Rob Zombie)

#3168.  Mark Brnovich (Son Of A Bitch --- EELS)

#3169.  Brnovich (Crazy Bitch --- Buckcherry)

#3170.  Sara A. Carter (Women Are Smarter --- Grateful Dead)

#3171.  Signalgate (Celebrate ---Simple Minds)

#3172.  Signalgate (Celebrate --- Don Moen)

#3173.  Signalgate (Celebrate --- Earth, Wind, And Fire)

#3174.  Signalgate (Twist Of Fate --- Destruction)

#3175.  Trumpin' Dumpin' (Gets Ya Pumpin' --- Bob Seger)

#3176.  Brad D. Schimel (Jack Be Nimble --- James Orchard Halliwell)

#3177.  Schimel Fuck (Cymbal Rush --- Thom Yorke)

#3178.  Flood Is A Fucking Whore (Blood On The Valley Whore --- Soundgarden)

#3179.  Liberation (Medication --- Son Volt)

#3180.  Liberation (Celebration --- Kool & The Gang)

#3181.  Liberation Song (Celebration Song --- Steve Miller Band)

#3182.  Donald's Liberation (Day Of Celebration --- Santana)

#3183.  Liberation (Celebration --- Krokus)

#3184.  Liberation Shitshow (Celebration Intro --- Christina Aguilera)

#3185.  Proud Boy (Rough Boy --- ZZ Top)

#3186.  Flood  Fucker (Bloodsucker --- Agnostic Front)

#3187.  Perry Greene's A Queer (Halloween All Year --- The Orwells)

#3188.  Brad Schimel (Ghost Symbol --- Zero 7)

#3189.  Michael Flood (Damn The Flood --- Black Label Society)

#3190.  Michael Flood (Theme From Flood --- They Might Be Giants)

#3191.  Robert Kennedy's Measles (The Lesser Of Two Evils --- Gary Stewart)

#3192.  Navarro (Tomorrow --- Death Cab For Cutie)

#3193.  Signalgate (Police State --- Agnostic Front)

#3194.  Flood (Blood --- Coheed & Cambria)

#3195.  Kristi Noem (Stay At Home --- Men At Work)

#3196.  Kristi Noem (Palindrome --- Azure Ray)

#3197.  Spread The Big Lie (Goodbye Blue Sky --- Pink Floyd)

#3198.  Pam Bondi (Hey Blondie --- Maggie Rose)

#3199.  Garrity (Clarity --- Jimmy Eat World)

#3200.  Cody Balmer (Jeffrey Dahmer --- Macabre)

#3201.  Cody Balmer (Jeffrey Dahmer --- Soulfly)

#3202.  We Are Trumpers (We Are Farmers --- Farmers Insurance slogan)

#3203.  Balmer (Bomber --- Motorhead)

#3204.  Twat From Hell: Cody Balmer (What's That Smell: Jeffrey Dahmer --- Macabre)

#3205.  JD Vance (Neutron Dance --- Pointer Sisters)

#3206.  Razin' Caine (Sugar Cane -- Slash: w/ Myles Kennedy and The Conspirators)

#3207.  Donald Trump Is Gay (One Big Holiday --- My Morning Jacket)

#3208.  Liberation (Isolation --- Kreator)

#3209.  Pete B. Hegseth Is Gay (Only One Breath Away --- Bad Boys Blue)

#3210.  Jake Lang (Chain Gang --- Sam Cooke)

#3211.  Signalgate (Separate --- Trampled By Turtles)

#3212.  Trump's Salad Got Tossed (Autonomy Lost --- Meshuggah)

#3213.  Cody Balmer (Laura Palmer --- Bastille)

#3214.  Donald's Liberation (Christmas Celebration)

#3215.  Bo Dietl Lies (The Needle Lies --- Queensryche)

#3216.  Pete Hegseth (Creeping Death --- Metallica)

#3217.  Measles Shit's A Mess (Weasels Ripped My Chest --- Frank Zappa)

#3218.  Liberation (Mutilation - Death)

#3219.  Pete (Meat --- Phish)

#3220.  Payne (Stain --- Lit)

#3221.  Senator Jake Lang (Back On The Chain Gang --- The Pretenders)

#3222.  Donald Trump (John Martyn --- Sugar Lump)

#3223.  John David Vance (Victory Dance --- My Morning Jacket)

#3224.  Patel (That Smell --- Lynyrd Skynyrd)

#3225.  Piece Of Shit Donald Zeiders (Terrorist Suicide Hang Gliders --- Neil Young)

#3226.  Massapequa Long Island (Makisupa Policeman --- Phish)

#3227.  Coup's A Crime (Comes A Time --- Neil Young)

#3228.  Peter K. Navarro (Man Of Constant Sorrow)

#3229.  Peter K. Navarro (Beauty In The Sorrow --- Trivium)

#3230.  Kashyup (Fucked Up --- The Lemonheads)

#3231.  The U.N.'s Mike Waltz (The Blue Danube Waltz --- Johann Strauss)

#3232.  MAGA's JD Vance (Pomp And Circumstance --- Sir Edward Elgar) 

#3233.  Peter Navarro (Daughters Of Sorrow --- The New Pornographers)

#3234.  Evans The Liar (Heaven's On Fire --- Kiss)

#3235.  Pete Navarro (Size Of Sorrow --- Tears For Fears)

#3236.  The Deadly Sins Of Seven (The Magnificent Seven --- John Sturges)

#3237.  Paul Ryan (Orion --- Metallica)

#3238.  Ivanka (Tequila --- The Champs)

#3239.  Dumbfuck Cocksuck Billy Long (Punchdrunk Lovesick Singalong --- Radiohead)

#3240.  Donald's Gala Dinner (Let's Go Out To Dinner --- Phish)

#3241.  Donald's Gala Dinner (5-Piece Chicken Dinner --- Beastie Boys)

#3242.  Screw Billy Hollis Long (You Shook Me All Night Long --- AC/DC)

#3243.  Dave Perdue: Fuckin' Chicken Fried (Break On Through: To The Other Side --- The Doors)

#3244.  Whore Zach Nunn (War Begun --- My Morning Jacket)

#3245.  Ivanka (Panama --- Van Halen)

#3246.  John Ratcliffe's Ugly (Take A Whiff On Me --- The Byrds)

#3247.  Casey Means (Casey Jones --- Grateful Dead)

#3248.  The Sound Of Jimmies (The Sound Of Silence --- Paul Simon & Art Garfunkel)

#3249.  Jeanine Pirro (Superhero --- Daft Punk)

#3250.  Pitt Panther (Pink Panther --- Henry Mancini)

#3251.  Trump Parades (Hand Grenades --- The Offspring)

#3252.  Casey Means (Pork And Beans --- Weezer)

#3253.  Jeanine Pirro (Superhero --- The Pretty Reckless)

#3254.  Pirro (Hero --- Planetshakers)

#3255.  Tom Homan (Bad Omen --- Megadeth)

#3256.  Peter Navarro (Blue Trail Of Sorrow --- Allison Krauss)

#3257.  Trumper (Daughter --- Pearl Jam)

#3258.  Donald Trump Lies (Wasted Reprise --- Pearl Jam)

#3259.  DeLuca's (Luka --- Suzanne Vega)

#3260.  Trump Towers (Dead Flowers --- Rolling Stones)

#3261.  Peter Navarro (Bury Your Sorrow --- Black Label Society)

#3262.  Pirro (Hero --- Queensryche)

#3263.  Golden Dome (Home Sweet Home --- Motley Crue)

#3264.  Donald Trump Parade (Sunny Lemonade --- Michael Franti & Spearhead)

#3265.  Peter Navarro (In Joy And Sorrow --- HIM)

#3266.  Crypto Dinner (TV Dinners --- ZZ Top)

#3267.  Lutnick Plan (Sputnik Stan --- Hawkwind)

#3268.  Garbarino (Beef-a-Reeno --- Kramer)

#3269.  Kristi Noem (Welcome Home --- My Morning Jacket)

#3270.  Golden Dome (Welcome Home --- King Diamond)

#3271.  Stormy's Chest (All The Best --- My Morning Jacket)

#3272.  His Golden Rage (The Golden Age --- Cracker)

#3273.  Kristi L. Noem (Under A Dome --- Of Monsters And Men)

#3274.  TACO Trade (Lemonade --- Wine Lips)

#3275.  Chrisley (Grizzly --- ELIZA)

#3276.  TACO Trade (Just Got Paid -- ZZ Top)

#3277.  TACO Trade (Lemonade --- SOPHIE)

#3278.  TACO Trade (Lemonade --- Jesse McCartney)

#3279.  TACO Trade (Renegade --- Styx)

#3280.  Trade Clown (Weighed Down --- Jars Of Clay

#3281.  Michael Grimm (Limb From Limb --- Motorhead)

#3282.  Pratt (Fat --- Weird Al Yankovic)

#3283.  Grimm (Limb --- Frankie Cosmos)

#3284.  Doctor Mehmet Oz (Here Comes Santa Claus --- 38 Special)

#3285.  MAGA (Allah --- The Vandals)

#3286.  Senator Fuckin' Rand Paul (Another Brick In The Wall --- Pink Floyd)

#3287.  BBB (BBB --- How To Destroy Angels)

#3288.  Donald Trump Burger (Cruising For Burgers --- Frank Zappa)

#3289.  Too Late For Trump (Too Late For Love --- Def Leppard)

#3290.  Travel Ban (Garbage Man --- Merle Haggard)

#3291.  Travel Ban (Nervous Man --- Armored Saint)

#3292.  Leo (Rio --- Duran Duran)

#3293.  Travel Ban (Masterplan --- Masterplan)

#3294.  BBB (BBB --- Guttermouth)

#3295. Leo (Leo --- Pretty Sick)

#3296.  Forty-seven (Tears In Heaven --- Eric Clapton)

#3297.  Senator Rand Paul (Monday Night Football --- John Parr)

#3298.  Homan, Immigration Blues (Mailman, Bring Me No More Blues --- The Beatles)

#3299.  Donald's Parade (Robot Parade --- They Might Be Giants)

#3300.  The Trump Parade (The Street Parade --- The Clash)

#3301.  Donald's Parade (Lemon Parade --- Tonic)

#3302.  Big Beautiful Bill (A View To A Kill --- Duran Duran)

#3303.  Trump Always Blows (God Only Knows --- Beach Boys)

#3304.  Donald Trump Is Gay (Surfin' U.S.A. --- Beach Boys)

#3305.  Trump Golf Vacation (Bad Reputation --- Joan Jett & The Blackhearts)

#3306.  Here Cums The Trump Parade (Here Comes The Big Parade --- Harry Connick Jr.)

#3307.  Trump Card (Courtyard --- Bobbie Gentry)

#3308.  Mike Lee (Mikey --- Life Cereal Commercial)

#3309.  The Trump Card Shit (The Graveyard Shift --- Steve Earle)

#3310.  Trump Card (Graveyard --- Butthole Surfers) 

Please do not share this material with Trump Card enthusiasts and/or President Donald J. Trump.