Friday, October 21, 2022

#1503. Fuck Cooper

Incumbent Greg Stanton (D-AZ) is slightly favored to win another term in Congress.  Butt his Orange Prolapse endorsed opponent, the seminal vesicle-inspired Kelly Cooper, looks to pull out a spermicidal surprise in the 4th District.  Why?  

Because he secretly wants to fuck Trump... in the ass.

Kelly Cooper on the right.  Congressman Greg Stanton (D-AZ) on the right.

Hmm.   A carefully gerrymandered, sectional map of The Valley.  Portions of Tempe, Mesa, Chandler, and Phoenix.

It's an area I know well.  The 101.  They call it the "Purple Corridor."

Stanton retains his seat.  Wins by 3-5 points.

Dedicated to Eddie aficionado... Merle.  Who is anything but historically haggard.  

Dude, you should sing this one.


Fuck Cooper

Trump’s causing strife son in law’s a Jew
A kosher brisket circumcision too
The news is faking and McRib is back
Coup d’etat plan Proud Boys talking smack
Three hundred pounds, gluttony’s a sin
Happy Meals are full of nutrition
Sugar from Diet Coke isn’t the best
What a scumbag fucking Stormy’s chest

Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

Donald J. Trump is queer a fucking cunt
First Lady whore Slovenian slut
Critical race the bigotry on call
Orange Prolapse stain in a toilet stall
He loves the Saudis MBS his crown
Repercussions never will abound
Instilling fear yet so very gay
Trump’s orange not white tanning today

Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

Donnie’s the Most but not really white
Another ginger MALF that doesn’t fight
Big Macs are bigger Herschel Walker know
As if that sounds like a racist blow
A Stormy affair question mark is why
Trump’s fucking dumb and we hope he’ll die
Capital gains begotten overblown
A cream cheese schmear makes Ivanka moan

Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh


The Trooper
Iron Maiden

You'll take my life but I'll take yours too / He’s causing strife son in law’s a Jew
You'll fire your musket but I'll run you through
So when you're waiting for the next attack
You'd better stand there's no turning back
The bugle sounds, the charge begins
But on this battlefield no one wins
The smell of acrid smoke and horse's breath
As I plunge on into certain death

Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

The horse he sweats with fear we break to run
The mighty roar of the Russian guns
And as we race towards the human wall
The screams of pain as my comrades fall
We hurdle bodies that lay on the ground
And the Russians fire another round
We get so near yet so far away
We won't live to fight another day

Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

We get so close, near enough to fight
When a Russian gets me in his sights
He pulls the trigger and I feel the blow
A burst of rounds takes my horse below
And as I lay there gazing at the sky
My body's numb and my throat is dry
And as I lay forgotten and alone
Without a tear I draw my parting groan

Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

From 1981 to 2019, Iron Maiden has Upped the Irons in the Burgh a grand total of 14 times.

This song makes for a truly decent parody.  Definitive rhythm and decisive pronouncements.  Saffy likey.  You can also call it "K. Cooper."  I wouldn't be offended. 

When performing live, feel free to make the requisite title substitution.  (Within the confines of the karaoke continuum of course).  "THIS SONG IS CALLED... K. COOPER!" 


Iron Maiden:

1-9-87, Civic Arena, Pittsburgh, PA

7-5-88, Civic Arena, Pittsburgh, PA

8-11-00, Post-Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA

8-8-03, Post-Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA

7-14-10, First Niagara Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA

8-17-19, PPG Paints Arena, Pittsburgh, PA

The Big Lie 100: (#678)

#1417.  Crudite Mode (Holiday Road --- Lindsey Buckingham)

#1418.  Wants Crudite (So Far Away --- Dire Straits)

#1419.  The Crudite (Not Fade Away --- Grateful Dead)

#1420.  Crudite Din (Holiday Inn --- Elton John)
#1421.  Tiffany Smiley (Baba O'Riley --- Grateful Dead)

#1422.  Markwayne (Cocaine --- Eric Clapton)
#1423.  Coco Elaine (Hello Again --- The Cars)
#1424.  Ill Campaigns (Still Remains --- Stone Temple Pilots)
#1425.  Crudite (Yesterday --- Paul McCartney)
#1426.  Roe Roe Roe Your Vote (Row Row Row Your Vote --- Ella Fitzgerald)
#1427.  Tate Reeves (Governor Blows) (Believe (Nobody Knows) --- My Morning Jacket)
#1428.  Eatin' Crudite (Surfin' U.S.A. --- Beach Boys)
#1429.  Mrs. Smiley (Mr. Smiley --- Poison)
#1430.  Mitch McConnell (Old MacDonald --- Unknown)
#1431.  Master Is Special (Master Of Puppets --- Metallica) 

#1432.  Crudite (Holiday --- Bee Gees)
#1433.  Fucked Up Ass Blake Masters (Fabulous Disaster --- Exodus)
#1434.  Mrs. Smiley (Mr. Crowley --- Ozzy Osbourne)
#1435.  Talk To Mark Meadows (Walk In The Shadows --- Queensryche)
#1436. Chris Kice (The Price -- Twisted Sister)

#1437.  Crudite (Stay Away --- Nirvana)

#1438.  Crudite (New Year's Day --- U2)

#1439.  One More Crudite Bite (One More Saturday Night --- Grateful Dead)

#1440.  The Crudite's Bad (The Crudite) (Don't Go Away Mad (Just Go Away) --- Motley Crue)

#1441.  Crudite (Say Say Say --- Paul McCartney & Michael Jackson)

#1442.  That Donald Trump Is... (All In The Name Of... Motley Crue)

#1443.  Comer Isn't Very Smart (Owner Of A Lonely Heart --- Yes)

#1444.  Mehmet Oz (Just Because --- Jane's Addiction)

#1445.  A Piece Of Shit From The Start (Total Eclipse Of The Heart --- Bonnie Tyler)

#1446.  J.D. (Lady --- Styx)

#1447.  J.D. Vance (My Romance --- Carly Simon)

#1448.  Donald Trump's Hair (Ya Mo B There --- Michael McDonald)

#1449.  Dixon, Tudor (Touch My Tooter --- Ween)

#1450.  J.D. (Lady --- Little River Band)

#1451.  J.D. Is Gay (Lay Lady Lay --- Bob Dylan)

#1452.  Tudor Dixon (Superstition --- Stevie Wonder)

#1453.  Richard Woods (Harry Hood --- Phish)

#1454.  Woods (Would --- Alice In Chains)

#1455.  Ted Budd (Blackbird --- The Beatles)

#1456.  Budd Is Far Right (Bloody Well Right --- Supertramp)

#1457.  Trump's Strange (La Grange --- ZZ Top)

#1458.  Ashley Kalus (Brokedown Palace --- Grateful Dead)

#1459.  Hung Cao (Right Now --- Van Halen)

#1460.  Hung Cao (Black Cow --- Steely Dan)

#1461.  Scott Jensen (Confusion --- Electric Light Orchestra)

#1462.  Meet Mehmet (Meet The Mets --- Ruth Roberts & Bill Katz)

#1463.  Bolduc (Holed Up --- The Raconteurs)

#1464.  Bolduc's Fucked up (Hold Your Head Up --- Argent)

#1465.  Vance Is A Cunt (Eminence Front --- The Who)

#1466.  Oh Mike Lindell (The First Noel --- Brian Wilson)

#1467.  A Fucking Assclown (The Final Countdown --- Europe)

#1468.  Kim Jong Un Will Fight (Afternoon Delight --- Starland Vocal Band)

#1469.  Majewski's Outta Line (Nobody's Fault But Mine --- Led Zeppelin)

#1470.  I Guess That's Why They Call Him A Jew (I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues --- Elton John)

#1471.  Crudite Plate (Runaway Train --- Soul Asylum)

#1472.  Roger Stone (Danger Zone --- Kenny Loggins)

#1473.  Roger Stone (Danger Zone --- The Ramones)

#1474.  Laxalt (Asshole --- Tom Petty)

#1475.  Trump Is A Bitch (Under The Bridge --- Red Hot Chili Peppers)

#1476.  Mark Meadows Loves Gay Porn (Every Rose Has A Thorn --- Poison)

#1477.  Kim Jong's Illin' (You Be Illin' --- Run DMC)

#1478.  Bad Roger Stone (Bad To The Bone --- George Thorogood & The Destroyers)

#1479.  Burt (Hurt --- Nine Inch Nails)

#1480.  Pate Is A Geek (Eight Days A Week --- The Beatles)

#1481.  Poor Sandy Smith (Poor Ellen Smith --- Billy Strings)

#1482.  Laxalt (Blackout --- Scorpions)

#1483.  Steve J. Scalise (Karma Police --- Radiohead)

#1484. Steve Scalise (Dream Police --- Cheap Trick)

#1485.  Teddy Cruz (Boggie Shoes --- KC & The Sunshine Band)

#1486. Ronchetti (Black Betty --- Metal Church)

#1487.  Joe O'Dea (Day By Day --- The Hooters)

#1488.  Tommy Tuberville (A View To A Kill --- Duran Duran) 

#1489.  Fuck You Trumpers (All You Zombies --- The Hooters)

#1490.  A. Biggs (War Pigs --- Black Sabbath)

#1491.  Rubio Ga Ga (Radio Ga Ga --- Queen)

#1492.  Moran (Old Man --- Neil Young)

#1493.  Trump's A Liar (Ring Of Fire --- Johnny Cash)

#1494.  Why Does Ivanka Blow (Where Do The Children Go --- The Hooters)

#1495.  Why Why, Gay Gay (Chris Sununu) (My My, Hey Hey (Out Of The Blue) --- Neil Young)

#1496.  Tonight Ivanka Masturbates For You (Tonight I Want To Celebrate With You --- My Morning Jacket)

#1497.  Marco A. Rubio (Turn Up The Radio --- Autograph)

#1498.  Tshibaka (Fuck You) (Axilla (Part II --- Phish)

#1499.  Sinning (Winning --- Santana)

#1500.  Nunes (Jane Says --- Jane's Addiction)

#1501.  (We Don't Want No) Kenneth Paxton (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction --- Rolling Stones)

#1502.  Asshole In Trump Tower... Stinking (Standing In The Shower... Thinking --- Jane's Addiction)

#1503.  Fuck Cooper (The Trooper --- Iron Maiden)

Please do not share this material with Kelly Cooper and/or former President Donald J. Trump.


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