Wednesday, September 28, 2022

#1471. Crudite Plate

Mehmet Oz is attempting to troll John Fetterman.  So he put up a "soft on skin, soft on bottoms, soft on crime" billboard in Braddock. 

 


But in all honesty, it just makes Oz look kinda creepy.  As if he has an ass fetish of sorts.


If I was Fetterman, the response is relatively obvious.  Seriously, what has Mehmet Oz ever done to combat crime?  Now he's committed plenty of crime (raking in tens of millions selling phony diet pills).

Fetterman... "Hey, I'd counter with a billboard of my own.  But across from which house?  The gated estate in Fort Lauderdale, the sprawling mansion in New Jersey, the penthouse condo in New York City, his multiple homes in Turkey, etc.  I honestly don't even know where this guy really lives.  Trust me, it ain't the Commonwealth."   

 


 

Crudite Plate
sonofsaf

Donald Trump’s a shade of orange not white
But his tanning bed is outta site
Stupid hair should have been a warning
With Stormy D. and all the Lake Tahoe porning

Fat liar with a mushroom dick in deep
Fat asshole that makes us weep
Adultery didn’t cum cheap
One hundred grand it made him weep

Donald Trump’s an Orange Prolapse clown
Needs beauty sleep
There is no doubt
His crime left the police dead it’s not okay

Crudite plate veggie tray attack
Kick Oz in his Turkish sack
Dreams of broccoli the cost ain’t fair
Such a god damn charcuterie scare

Mehmet lives in New Jersey all the while
But PA he’ll try to defile
TV doctor who’s overrated
At the Wegner’s he seemed sedated

Just say no inflationary Joe
Oz a twat, Mitch an old crow
It’s a scam, the Proud Boys bring the pain
All this bullshit for a crudite plate

With Donald Trump it’s all a big lie
Extreme right
Don’t deny
The orange clown is full of bullshit

Crudite plate veggie tray attack
Kick Oz in his Turkish sack
Dreams of broccoli the cost ain’t fair
Such a god damn charcuterie scare

All this bullshit for a crudite plate
An Orange Prolapse can leave a big stain
You’re saying what the fuck, doesn’t have a plan
Oz is sleazier than my man Fetterman

Crudite plate veggie tray attack
Kick Oz in his Turkish sack
Dreams of broccoli the cost ain’t fair
Such a  god damn charcuterie scare

Crudite plate veggie tray attack
Crudite plate kick Oz in the sack
Crudite plate Wegner’s much disdain
Mehmet’s so gay but Joe Biden is to blame



Runaway Train
Soul Asylum

Call you up in the middle of the night
Like a firefly without a light
You were there like a blowtorch burning
I was a key that could use a little turning

So tired that I couldn't even sleep
So many secrets I couldn't keep
Promised myself I wouldn't weep
One more promise I couldn't keep

It seems no one can help me now
I'm in too deep
There's no way out
This time I have really lead myself astray

Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one-way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there

Can you help me remember how to smile?
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded?
Life's mysteries seem so faded

I can go where no one else can go
I know what no one else knows
Here I am, just drowning in the rain
With a ticket for a runaway train

And everything seems cut and dry
Day and night
Earth and sky
Somehow I just don't believe it

Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one-way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there

Bought a ticket for a runaway train
Like a madman laughing at the rain
A little out of touch, a little insane
It's just easier than dealing with the pain

Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one-way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there

Runaway train never coming back
Runaway train tearing up the track
Runaway train burning in my veins
I run away but it always seems the same



Now there's a great idea!  Trot out an aging 90's band, adorned in parkas, for a little pre-game outside the Superbowl in early February.  In Minneapolis, Minnesota of all places.  Hot damn!  

This song is admittedly catchy but it made for a challenging parody.  Very frustrating, dreamy, meandering lyrics.

Never cared much for Soul Asylum.  In fact, I condemn their collective souls.  Shine!

The better question is... have I ever seen them live?  And the answer is... drumroll please... uh, no.  Praise the Lord!

From 1993 to 2022, Soul Asylum has played the Burgh a grand total of 9 times.  Last month, they came to the South Hills Amphitheater for a free concert.  That particular venue is commonly referred to as "The Hartwood of the South."  #GOT (mock yinzer Game Of Thrones reference)


The Crudite Compilation Top 10:

#1407.  Crudite Night Is So Delighting (Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting --- Elton John)

#1408.  Crudite (Holiday --- Madonna)

#1409.  Crudite (Holiday --- Scorpions)

#1410.  Crudite (Day By Day --- The Hooters)

#1411.  Let's Get Crudite (Let's Go All The Way --- Sly Fox)

#1412.  Crudite (Fly Away --- Lenny Kravitz)

#1417.  Crudite Mode (Holiday Road --- Lindsey Buckingham)

#1418.  Wants Crudite (So Far Away --- Dire Straits)

#1419.  The Crudite (Not Fade Away --- Grateful Dead)

#1420.  Crudite Din (Holiday Inn --- Elton John)

#1425.  Crudite (Yesterday --- Paul McCartney)

#1428.  Eatin' Crudite (Beach Boys --- Surfin' U.S.A.)

#1432.  Crudite (Holiday --- Bee Gees)

#1437.  Crudite (Stay Away --- Nirvana)

#1438.  Crudite (New Year's Day --- U2)

#1439.  One More Crudite Bite (One More Saturday Night --- Grateful Dead)

#1440.  The Crudite's Bad (The Crudite) (Don't Go Away Mad, Just Go Away --- Motley Crue)

#1441.  Crudite (Say Say Say --- Paul McCartney & Michael Jackson)

#1471.  Crudite Plate (Runaway Train --- Soul Asylum)

 

The Big Lie 100: (#646)

#1417.  Crudite Mode (Holiday Road --- Lindsey Buckingham)

#1418.  Wants Crudite (So Far Away --- Dire Straits)

#1419.  The Crudite (Not Fade Away --- Grateful Dead)

#1420.  Crudite Din (Holiday Inn --- Elton John)
 
#1421.  Tiffany Smiley (Baba O'Riley --- Grateful Dead)

#1422.  Markwayne (Cocaine --- Eric Clapton)
 
#1423.  Coco Elaine (Hello Again --- The Cars)
 
#1424.  Ill Campaigns (Still Remains --- Stone Temple Pilots)
 
#1425.  Crudite (Yesterday --- Paul McCartney)
 
#1426.  Roe Roe Roe Your Vote (Row Row Row Your Vote --- Ella Fitzgerald)
 
#1427.  Tate Reeves (Governor Blows) --- (Believe (Nobody Knows) --- My Morning Jacket)
 
#1428.  Eatin' Crudite (Surfin' U.S.A. --- Beach Boys)
 
#1429.  Mrs. Smiley (Mr. Smiley --- Poison)
 
#1430.  Mitch McConnell (Old MacDonald --- Unknown)
 
#1431.  Master Is Special (Master Of Puppets --- Metallica) 

#1432.  Crudite (Holiday --- Bee Gees)
 
#1433.  Fucked Up Ass Blake Masters (Fabulous Disaster --- Exodus)
 
#1434.  Mrs. Smiley (Mr. Crowley --- Ozzy Osbourne)
 
#1435.  Talk To Mark Meadows (Walk In The Shadows --- Queensryche)
 
#1436. Chris Kice (The Price -- Twisted Sister)

#1437.  Crudite (Stay Away --- Nirvana)

#1438.  Crudite (New Year's Day --- U2)

#1439.  One More Crudite Bite (One More Saturday Night --- Grateful Dead)

#1440.  The Crudite's Bad (The Crudite) Don't Go Away Mad (Just Go Away) --- Motley Crue))

#1441.  Crudite (Say Say Say --- Paul McCartney & Michael Jackson)

#1442.  That Donald Trump Is... (All In The Name Of... Motley Crue)

#1443.  Comer Isn't Very Smart (Owner Of A Lonely Heart --- Yes)

#1444.  Mehmet Oz (Just Because --- Jane's Addiction)

#1445.  A Piece Of Shit From The Start (Total Eclipse Of The Heart --- Bonnie Tyler)

#1446.  J.D. (Lady --- Styx)

#1447.  J.D. Vance (My Romance --- Carly Simon)

#1448.  Donald Trump's Hair (Ya Mo B There --- Michael McDonald)

#1449.  Dixon, Tudor (Touch My Tooter --- Ween)

#1450.  J.D. (Lady --- Little River Band)

#1451.  J.D. Is Gay (Lay Lady Lay --- Bob Dylan)

#1452.  Tudor Dixon (Superstition --- Stevie Wonder)

#1453.  Richard Woods (Harry Hood --- Phish)

#1454.  Woods (Would --- Alice In Chains)

#1455.  Ted Budd (Blackbird --- The Beatles)

#1456.  Budd Is Far Right (Bloody Well Right --- Supertramp)

#1457.  Trump's Strange (La Grange --- ZZ Top)

#1458.  Ashley Kalus (Brokedown Palace --- Grateful Dead)

#1459.  Hung Cao (Right Now --- Van Halen)

#1460.  Hung Cao (Black Cow --- Steely Dan)

#1461.  Scott Jensen (Confusion --- Electric Light Orchestra)

#1462.  Meet Mehmet (Meet The Mets --- Ruth Roberts & Bill Katz)

#1463.  Bolduc (Holed Up --- The Raconteurs)

#1464.  Bolduc's Fucked up (Hold Your Head Up --- Argent)

#1465.  Vance Is A Cunt (Eminence Front --- The Who)

#1466.  Oh Mike Lindell (The First Noel --- Brian Wilson)

#1467.  A Fucking Assclown (The Final Countdown --- Europe)

#1468.  Kim Jong Un Will Fight (Afternoon Delight --- Starland Vocal Band)

#1469.  Majewski's Outta Line (Nobody's Fault But Mine --- Led Zeppelin)

#1470.  I Guess That's Why They Call Him A Jew (I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues --- Elton John)

#1471.  Crudite Plate (Runaway Train --- Soul Asylum)


Please do not share this material with Mehmet Oz, former President Donald J. Trump, and/or those who despise the inflation... specifically regarding the exorbitant cost of crudite.

 


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