#487. Donald's Big Lie

Maricopa County is a big deal.  Fourth most populous county in the United States mother fucker.  And now it's ground zero for the stop the steal bullshit.  Been there done that.  Trust me, I've done the Scottsdale Slide.  

Alright enough with the preamble.  Suffice to say, the big lie is BIG NEWS!

Here's how all of this nonsense pans out.  The Cyber Ninjas will eventually report some actual numbers from their exhaustingly strenuous audit.  Finally!  We get the results.  But at the same time, the Cyber Ninja entity has this collective epiphany.  

Cyber Overlord, Doug Logan

You see, under the terms of the contract, Doug Logan is "legally required" to only share the actual results with an exclusive representative from the Arizona Republican State Senate. But that individual must remain nameless and faceless.  Hey, it's for their own physical safety.  Of course this all happens behind closed doors anyway.

The lamest default strategy would be to claim that the results were "simply inverted" via hypothetical internet tampering.  Possible.  But I doubt it.  Just too dumbshit-oriented.  OMG, everything got hacked! And then flipped!

Arizona:

Joe Biden --- 1,672,143 (49.4%)

Donald Trump --- 1,661,686 (49.1%)

 

Maricopa County:

 

Joe Biden --- 1,040,774 (50.3%)

Donald Trump --- 995,665 (48.1%).  I know... this margin is seemingly unthinkable, unimaginable, preposterous.  Biden broke the million vote threshold.  But Trumpy Bear came up short.  Much like his orange mushroom dick. 

 

Butt... my hunch... and this might possibly be the biggest, fattest ass in the history of anal... the AZ State Senate won't release the precise vote tallies.  Why?  Well, because there was simply too much manipulation, and delays, and interference, and tampering... and China, and Russia, and North Korea, etc.  You know... days turn to weeks, space lasers, traces of bamboo, faulty equipment, the radical left, Antifa, and so on and so forth.  And of course, there's some credible evidence that the entire audit was rigged from the start.  Many and possibly all the ballots were counterfeit to begin with.  Rigged!

 

However, in their infinite wisdom, the AZ State Senate reports that it seems as though Trump may have won by "a significant margin."

 

Saf, so what's the gist of what you're sayin'?  Uh, duh.  It's merely the umpteenth conspiratorial-leaning narrative in the Trump playbook.   It's called... pass the buck.  The key being... remain relevant at any cost and just don't make it too complex.  Or Trump might fuck it up.  Which he seemingly does on a routine basis regardless. 

Hey, never give up hope.  Eh?  Just as long as you keep the Big Lie going.  I

It's not about the numbers.  It never was.  It's about the show.  It's all about perpetuating the urban legend of an Orange Prolapse.

 

Donald’s Big Lie
sonofsaf

Cyber Ninjas don’t ask why
Their clown is orange not white
Trump is gainin’ Maricopa’s back in play
The seeds you sew
Donald Trump is here to stay, hey hey

Searchin’ for the bad bamboo
See how that China Virus is not pretty
Little feet and hands are shitty
Donald’s big lie is driving us insane, hey hey

Donald’s big lie GOP cries
You have to fight and pray it’s so wrong (so wrong)
On like Donkey Kong

Donald’s big lie GOP cries
You have to fight and pray it’s so wrong (so wrong)
On like Donkey Kong

Fuck you and the Proud Boys race
‘Cause you’ll never make your case
The consternation, Donald’s big lie for the takin’
Oath Keepers are so rotten to the core

Oh Donald’s big lie GOP cries
You have to fight and pray it’s so wrong (so wrong)
On like Donkey Kong

Giuliani too
Paint streams down his face on cue
Sidney Powel is askew
And Jared Kushner’s still a Jew

Giuliani too
Paint streams down his face on cue
Sidney Powel is askew
And Jared Kushner’s still a Jew

Donald Trump, you’re orange not white
But Donald Junior a total blunder
Now isn’t it any wonder
Outta line we’ll dismember your dick
We’ll dismember you today

Oh Donald’s big lie GOP cries
You have to fight and pray it’s so wrong (so wrong)
On like Donkey Kong

Giuliani too (sigh)
We have heard all the fake news (why)
Sidney Powell is askew (boo)
And Jared Kushner’s still a Jew

Mr. Blue Sky
Electric Light Orchestra

Sun is shinin' in the sky
There ain't a cloud in sight
It's stopped rainin' everybody's in the play
And don't you know
It's a beautiful new day, hey hey

Runnin' down the avenue
See how the sun shines brightly in the city
On the streets where once was pity
Mr. Blue Sky is living here today, hey hey

Mr. Blue Sky please tell us why
You had to hide away for so long (so long)
Where did we go wrong?

Mr. Blue Sky please tell us why
You had to hide away for so long (so long)
Where did we go wrong?

Hey you with the pretty face
Welcome to the human race
A celebration, Mr. Blue Sky's up there waitin'
And today is the day we've waited for

Oh Mr. Blue Sky please tell us why
You had to hide away for so long (so long)
Where did we go wrong?

Hey there Mr. Blue
We're so pleased to be with you
Look around see what you do
Everybody smiles at you

Hey there Mr. Blue
We're so pleased to be with you
Look around see what you do
Everybody smiles at you

Mr. Blue, you did it right
But soon comes Mr. Night creepin' over
Now his hand is on your shoulder
Never mind I'll remember you this
I'll remember you this way

Mr. Blue Sky please tell us why
You had to hide away for so long (so long)
Where did we go wrong?

Hey there Mr. Blue (sky)
We're so pleased to be with you (sky)
Look around see what you do (blue)
Everybody smiles at you

Jeff Lynne's ELO:

8-16-18, Little Caesars Arena, Detroit, MI

8-1-19, PPG Paints Arena, Pittsburgh, PA (Which is worse?  Domino's, Little Caesar's, or paint?  Hint: they all suck).  When it comes to pizza, we usually veer in the direction of a Neopolitan from Giorgio's on Western Avenue.  North Side.

Please do not share this material with former President Donald J. Trump and/or Cyber Ninja CEO Doug Logan.