#453. Wheeling

Yet another parody about Wheeling, WV.  I'll probably do a few more.

 

Back in the summer of 1990, I was walking across the Suspension Bridge to my roach-infested apartment on the Island.  

 

 

And some punk kid emerged from the sun roof of an Acura and pelted me with a full can of beer.  He let out this maniacal Braveheart roar.  

 

The attack left me with a small bruise on my left shoulder.  The culprit was never found.

 

 

 

Wheeling
sonofsaf

Well, at the Downs you can roll the dice, casino isn’t free
Most of the town is white men who might be gay and not very sexy
Oh, there is no running of the bulls, just some nudity.
Nudity.

Silver and Golden Chopsticks fan, the Island we defend
Most of the town is white men that can annoy seems to be a trend
Oh, there is no running of the bulls, just some nudity.
Nudity.

Wheeling just stay away you know it tastes like bullshit could be
Jill’s Lounge cream and my sins will bury me
Monetarily

Bethany, is not West Liberty
When in Wheeling
Bums take dumps in the library, Rachel Worby had a symphony
Give us nudity

Wheeling just stay away you know it tastes like bullshit could be
Jill’s Lounge cream and my sins will bury me
Monetarily

Well they love Fox News and Hannity, be all that you ban be
Most of the town is white men who might be gay still not very sexy
Oh, there is no running of the bulls, just some nudity.
Nudity.

Wheeling just stay away you know it tastes like bullshit could be
Jill’s Lounge cream and my sins will bury me
Monetarily

 

Sailing
Christopher Cross

Well, it's not far down to paradise, at least it's not for me
And if the wind is right you can sail away and find tranquility
Oh, the canvas can do miracles, just you wait and see.
Believe me.

It's not far to never-never land, no reason to pretend
And if the wind is right you can find the joy of innocence again
Oh, the canvas can do miracles, just you wait and see.
Believe me.

Sailing takes me away to where I've always heard it could be
Just a dream and the wind to carry me
And soon I will be free

Fantasy, it gets the best of me
When I'm sailing
All caught up in the reverie, every word is a symphony
Won't you believe me?

Sailing takes me away to where I've always heard it could be
Just a dream and the wind to carry me
And soon I will be free

Well it's not far back to sanity, at least it's not for me
And if the wind is right you can sail away and find serenity
Oh, the canvas can do miracles, just you wait and see.
Believe me.

Sailing takes me away to where I've always heard it could be
Just a dream and the wind to carry me
And soon I will be free 

Christopher Cross has only played Pittsburgh on one occasion.  Back in '95, he joined Eddie Money and The Beach Boys at Three Rivers Stadium.  Just for the record, August 15, 1995 was a Tuesday.  So I'm not sure that worked out too well from a logistics perspective.  Maybe if you threw in a Sleeping Giants or a Donnie Iris.

'Cause you know my motto...

Less Corona Virus,

 More Donnie Iris 

 

Please do not share this information with Christopher Cross and/or Donnie Iris.