#458. Wheeling Has Some Queers

Slavery used to be big bucks.  In the state of Virginia, it was their #1 "cash crop." 

In 1860, Virginia had a population of 1.5 million of which 400,000 were slaves.

Naturally, neighboring West Virginia got in on the action as well.  They had a slave market ... literally on "Market" Street.  Physically located at 10th and Market St., it was a stopover point on the way to Richmond.

Local residents know this area as the former Stone & Thomas plaza.  Directly across the street was the old Firestone building which was transformed into my father's dermatological practice.

But this parody's about homosexuality.  Not slavery.  I just couldn't think of a clever hook. 

 

Wheeling Has Some Queers
sonofsaf

Your residents are faggots and they take it up the ass
The gay bars sell you dildo bling which admittedly is crass
Well, you wouldn't even blow a muffin if it tasted like a clam
The dicks you suck so gracious you are quite the man

Fuck yeah Wheeling has some queers
Corn-holing ain’t a crime
So how about it in the rear
Don’t mean to sound outta line
Fuck yeah Wheeling has some queers
Corn-holing ain’t a crime
So how about it in the rear
Don’t mean to sound outta line

Viagra sends blood to your penis and blue chip cock is keen
The cock market is the glue like a sexual vaccine
If you would just acknowledge and lend a helping hand
Cum over to my cottage you are quite the man

Fuck yeah Wheeling has some queers
Corn-holing ain’t a crime
So how about it in the rear
Don’t mean to sound outta line
Fuck yeah Wheeling has some queers
Corn-holing ain’t a crime
So how about it in the rear
Don’t mean to sound outta line

My disposition’s sunny and I’m livin’ in my prime
The fact that you got morning wood is tolerably kind
Sucking cock is so much fun everywhere but Pakistan
Your ass is my amuse bouche you are quite the man

Fuck yeah Wheeling has some queers
Corn-holing ain’t a crime
So how about it in the rear
Don’t mean to sound outta line
Fuck yeah Wheeling has some queers
Corn-holing ain’t a crime
So how about it in the rear
Don’t mean to sound outta line

Reelin’ In The Years
Steely Dan

Your everlasting summer and you can see it fading fast
So you grab a piece of something that you think is gonna last
Well, you wouldn't even know a diamond if you held it in your hand
The things you think are precious I can't understand

Are you reelin' in the years?
Stowin' away the time
Are you gatherin' up the tears?
Have you had enough of mine
Are you reelin' in the years?
Stowin' away the time
Are you gatherin' up the tears?
Have you had enough of mine

You've been telling me you're a genius since you were seventeen
In all the time I've known you I still don't know what you mean
The weekend at the college didn't turn out like you planned
The things that pass for knowledge I can't understand

Are you reelin' in the years?
Stowin' away the time
Are you gatherin' up the tears?
Have you had enough of mine
Are you reelin' in the years?
Stowin' away the time
Are you gatherin' up the tears?
Have you had enough of mine

I've spent a lot of money and I've spent a lot of time
The trip we made to Hollywood is etched upon my mind
After all the things we've done and seen you find another man
The things you think are useless I can't understand

Are you reelin' in the years?
Stowin' away the time
Are you gatherin' up the tears?
Have you had enough of mine
Are you reelin' in the years?
Stowin' away the time
Are you gatherin' up the tears?
Have you had enough of mine

"Reelin' In The Years," one of Steely Dan's most iconic songs, is also one of my least favorites.  But in the words of Hesh, a hit is a hit.

Steely Dan:

7-2-00, Post Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA

8-30-06, Post Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA 

7-7-16, First Niagara Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA

10-8-18, Heinz Hall, Pittsburgh, PA

Please do not share this material with Wheeling's gay male population.