#2061. I Guess That's Why They Call Him Ted Cruz

Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) is fed up with the Biden administration.  According to Cruz, Joe and Kamala are trying to limit his weekly beer consumption to a measly 2 bottles per week.  

Even Penguins sportscaster Mike Lange was overheard...

"Buy Ted a drink, and get his friends one, too!"

In other news, the Steelers open at home against the 49ers (-2.5).

Win or lose, at 3pm, they're will be a total of 8 NFL games overlapping 13 MLB games.

Dominipede alert!  Hint: Everyone has a cell phone.

However, the worst possible outcome for this year would definitely be October 1. (9 NFL games coinciding with 15 MLB games... and god knows what else).

 

I Guess That’s Why They Call Him Ted Cruz
sonofsaf

Donald Trump is gay
A tiny prick mushroom endeavor
He’s my enemy on Truth Social he’ll play
Daughter-wife’s cunt could be wetter

And Donald’s still gay
No doubt the cream is implied
And his dick’s not strong softcore not too much fun
As the Orange Prolapse farts countrywide

And I guess that's why they call him Ted Cruz
Border demands and the crime passing through
Donald is crapping, orange fucking blunder
Toilet’s a wonder you will discover
And I guess that's why they call him Ted Cruz

More critical race
Lectures on Space Force command
Stormy was a cunt Lake Tahoe vacation
Erection was the fucking plan

Worst in the world
Lies all the time shit will sell
Fucked up endeavor Ivanka’s a Jew
Whore and a cunt wife from hell

And I guess that's why they call him Ted Cruz
Border demands and the crime passing through
Donald is crapping, orange fucking blunder
Toilet’s a wonder you will discover
And I guess that's why they call him Ted Cruz

Worst in the world
Lies all the time shit will sell
Fucked up endeavor Ivanka’s a Jew
Whore and a cunt wife from hell

And I guess that's why they call him Ted Cruz
Border demands and the crime passing through
Donald is crapping, orange fucking blunder
Toilet’s a wonder you will discover
And I guess that's why they call him Ted Cruz

And I guess that's why they call him Ted Cruz
Donald is crapping, orange fucking blunder
And I guess that's why they call him Ted Cruz
Donald is crapping, orange fucking blunder
And I guess that's why they call him Ted Cruz
And I guess that's why they call him Ted Cruz

 

I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues
Elton John

Don't wish it away
Don't look at it like it's forever
Between you and me I could honestly say
That things can only get better

And while I'm away
Dust out the demons inside
And it won't be long before you and me run
To the place in our hearts where we hide

And I guess that's why they call it the blues
Time on my hands could be time spent with you
Laughing like children, living like lovers
Rolling like thunder under the covers
And I guess that's why they call it the blues

Just stare into space
Picture my face in your hands
Live for each second without hesitation
And never forget I'm your man

Wait on me girl
Cry in the night if it helps
But more than ever I simply love you
More than I love life itself

And I guess that's why they call it the blues
Time on my hands could be time spent with you
Laughing like children, living like lovers
Rolling like thunder under the covers
And I guess that's why they call it the blues

Wait on me girl
Cry in the night if it helps
But more than ever I simply love you
More than I love life itself

And I guess that's why they call it the blues
Time on my hands could be time spent with you
Laughing like children, living like lovers
Rolling like thunder under the covers
And I guess that's why they call it the blues

And I guess that's why they call it the blues
Laughing like children, living like lovers
And I guess that's why they call it the blues
Laughing like children, living like lovers
And I guess that's why they call it the blues
And I guess that's why they call it the blues

 

My 3rd parody of the Elton classic.

#838.  I Guess That's Why They Call It A Coup

#1470.  I Guess That's Why They Call Him A Jew (about Jared Kushner)

 

From 1973 to 2022, Elton John sodomized the Burgh a grand total of 16 times.

Elton John:

6-11-99, Star Lake Amphitheater, Burgettstown, PA
3-23-11, Consol Energy Center, Pittsburgh, PA
9-18-12, Wesbanco Arena, Wheeling, WV
10-10-18, PPG Paints Arena, Pittsburgh, PA
9-16-22, PNC Park, Pittsburgh, PA

The Big Lie 100: (#1217)

#1938.  Amanda Chase (Leather and Lace --- Stevie Nicks)

#1939.  Wagner Group (Chicken Soup --- Skrillex)

#1940.  Wagner Group (Chicken Soup --- Saint Etienne)

#1941.  Donald Trump Is Not A King (Money Changes Everything --- Cyndi Lauper)

#1942.  Will Hurd (Songbird --- Fleetwood Mac)

#1943.  Trump Is Gay (Trip Away --- Jane's Addiction)

#1944.  Transgender (Surrender --- Natalie Taylor)

#1945.  Robert Bowers (After Hours --- Boz Scaggs)

#1946.  Transgender (Surrender --- Cheap Trick)

#1947.  Mercenary (Virgin Mary --- Joan Baez)

#1948.  Bacon's Fucking You (Breaking Us In Two --- Joe Jackson)

#1949.  Donald Ain't White (Feelin' Alright --- Joe Cocker)

#1950.  Trump's A Cunt (Born To Run --- Bruce Springsteen)

#1951.  Orange Prolapse Fart (Call To Your Heart --- Giuffria)

#1952.  Robert Bowers (Kilburn Towers --- Bee Gees)

#1953.  Is An Asshole (Antisocial --- Anthrax)

#1954.  Walt Nauta (Saltwater --- Julian Lennon)

#1955.  Gay Donald (Hey Stoopid --- Alice Cooper)

#1956.  Luna (Tuna --- Hooverphonic)

#1957.  Sick Bowers (Six Hours --- Alice Cooper)

#1958.  A Border (No Quarter --- Led Zeppelin)

#1959.  Cocaine (The Chain --- Fleetwood Mac)

#1960.  Steven Daines (Country Lanes --- Bee Gees)

#1961.  Greene Is Outta Line (Teenage Frankenstein --- Alice Cooper)

#1962.  Nauta Fucks You (Gotta Jibboo --- Phish)

#1963.  Greene Can't Be Trusted (Mean Mister Mustard --- The Beatles)

#1964.  Kash (Trash --- Silverchair)

#1965.  Sam Brown (Breakdown --- Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers)

#1966.  The Jesse Law Acrimony (The Oh Kee Pa Ceremony --- Phish)

#1967.  I Hate Sam Brown (I Won't Back Down --- Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers)

#1968.  Aileen Cannon (Feast or Famine --- Seether)

#1969.  Tommy (Shit) (Eminem --- Mommy (Skit)

#1970.  I Saw Tommy Fisting Donald Trump (I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus --- Twisted Sister)

#1971.  Tommy, Can A Nationalist Be White (Mommy, Can I Go Out And Kill Tonight --- The Misfits)

#1972.  Taylor Greene's Gay (In Between Days --- The Cure)

#1973.  Just Like Kevin (Just Like Heaven --- The Cure)

#1974.  Eli Crane (Crazy Train --- Ozzy Osbourne)

#1975.  Crane (Rain --- Rusted Root)

#1976.  Eli Crane (Purple Rain --- Prince)

#1977.  Taylor Greene (Gasoline --- Audioslave)

#1978.  Nauta And The Treason (Gotta Have A Reason --- Bon Jovi)

#1979.  His Ass Is Why: A Fist For DeSantis (As Time Goes By: A Kiss Is Just A Kiss --- Willie Nelson & Julio Eglesias)

#1980.  Roy's A Fanatic (Toys In The Attic --- Aerosmith)

#1981.  Two Thousand Mules (Nobody's Fool --- Cinderella)

#1982.  Taylor Greene (Gasoline --- Trampled By Turtles)

#1983.  Clown (Down --- Pearl Jam)

#1984.  Taylor Greene (Mean Machine --- Motorhead)

#1985.  Tom Fitton, Big Lie (Once Bitten, Twice Shy --- Great White)

#1986.  Chip Roy's A Fucking Clown (The Toys Go Winding Down --- Primus)

#1987.  Cannon (Famine --- Death Angel)

#1988.  Greene (Jean --- David Hasselhoff)

#1989.  Jim Justice (Street Justice --- Cro-Mags)

#1990.  Ayotte (Slipknot --- Grateful Dead)

#1991.  Hawley (Polly --- Nirvana)

#1992.  Proud Boys Love Trump The Clown (The Boys Are Back In Town --- Thin Lizzy)

#1993.  Cornyn (Outshined --- Soundgarden)

#1994.  Mittens Romney (Hot Pastrami --- The Ronettes)

#1995.  Meet John Cornyn (Sweet Caroline --- James Taylor)

#1996.  John Cornyn (Red, Red Wine --- Neil Diamond)

#1997.  Timothy Shea (Come Out And Play --- The Offspring)

#1998.  Shithead Fred Keller (Rats In The Cellar --- Aerosmith)

#1999.  Timothy Shea (Games People Play --- Alan Parsons Project)

#2000.  Trump's A Fuckin' Orange Clown (Try That In A Small Town --- Jason Aldean)

#2001.  Aldean (Machine --- Black Flag)

#2002.  Aldean (Machine --- Violent Femmes)

#2003.  Chris Sununu (Out Of The Blue --- Alan Parsons Project)

#2004.  Aldean Cunt (Machine Gun --- The Commodores)

#2005.  Vance Is White And Gay (Dance The Night Away --- Van Halen)

#2006.  Huckabee (Suddenly --- Billy Ocean)

#2007.  He's Braun (He's Gone --- Grateful Dead)

 

#2008.  Bishop Probes (Bishop's Robes --- Radiohead)

#2009.  Vance, Vance, Vance (Dance, Dance, Dance --- Neil Young)

#2010.  Donald's Arraignment (That's Entertainment --- Aretha Franklin)

#2011.  Taylor Greene (Hey Nineteen --- Steely Dan)

#2012.  An Asshole No Doubt (The Sun Will Come Out --- Little Orphan Annie)

#2013.  Hillbilly J.D. Vance (Victim of Circumstance --- Santana)

#2014.  Dolan (Stolen --- The Brian Jonestown Massacre)

#2015.  Jim Justice (Blind Justice --- Agnostic Front)

#2016.  My God's Donald Trump (My God Is The Sun --- Queens Of The Stone Age)

#2017.  Robert T. Bigelow (Moving In Stereo --- The Cars)

#2018.  Joshua Sills (Beverly Hills --- Weezer)

#2019.  Pritt Is An Orange Prolapse Fart (Quit Playin' Games With My Heart --- Backstreet Boys)

#2020.  Pudding Fingers (Crazy Fingers --- Grateful Dead) 

#2021.  Deace (Peace --- Judas Priest)

#2022.  Joshua Stills (Beverly Hills --- Circle Jerks)

#2023.  Deace (Peace -- Weezer)

#2024.  Donald's Arraignment (That's Entertainment --- Powerman 5000)

#2025.  Scott Brown (Breakdown --- Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers)

#2026.  Trevian Kutti (Heavy Duty --- Judas Priest)

#2027.  Donald's Arraignment (That's Entertainment --- Rancid)

#2028.  CUM (Dumb --- Nirvana)

 

#2029.  Clark (Sparks --- Coldplay)

 

#2030.  DOJ Jeffrey Clark (Saturday In The Park --- Chicago)

 

#2031.  Deace (Grease --- Bee Gees)

 

#2032.  Abigail Jo Shry (No Woman, No Cry --- Bob Marley & The Wailers)

 

#2033.  Abigail (Abigail --- King Diamond)

 

#2034.  Nauta's Really Gay (Gotta Get Away --- The Offspring)

 

#2035.  Owens (Oceans --- Pearl Jam)

 

#2036.  Jew!  (Who? --- Brian Jonestown Massacre)

 

#2037.  Shawn Still's A Creep (Until It Sleeps --- Metallica)

 

#2038.  Findling (Kindling --- Harry Brokensha & Nick Wilson)

 

#2039.  Doug Burgum (Bang The Drum --- Lindsey Buckingham)

 

#2040.  Puddin' Stain (Puddin' Taine --- Primus)

 

#2041.  Harrison Floyd (Into The Void --- Kiss)

 

#2042.  Sam Brown (Breakdown --- Moby)

 

#2043.  Sadow (Meatplow --- Stone Temple Pilots)

 

#2044.  Lawfare (I Swear --- All 4 One)

 

#2045.  Reddy Really Blows (Steady, As She Goes --- The Raconteurs)

 

#2046.  Stormy's Chest (Phone Went West --- My Morning Jacket)

 

#2047.  Lake's A Dummy And Cunt (Take The Money And Run --- Steve Miller)

 

#2048.  Lake's A Liar (Lake Of Fire --- Nirvana)

 

#2049.  Assclown (Lowdown --- My Morning Jacket)

 

#2050.  Fuck Forty-Five (Love Is Alive --- Gary Wright)

 

#2051.  Lake Will Fuck You (Take Me With You --- Prince)

 

#2052.  Stephen Lee (Let It Be --- The Beatles)

 

#2053.  Pezzola's Bad News (Viola Lee Blues --- Grateful Dead)

 

#2054.  Crow (Snow --- The Chemical Brothers)

 

#2055.  Blow Chesebro (Go With the Flow --- Queens Of The Stone Age)

 

#2056.  Brandon Judd (Book Of Blood --- Armored Saint)

 

#2057.  David Cole (Rock And Roll --- Led Zeppelin)

 

#2058.  David Cole (Heart And Soul --- Huey Lewis & The News)

 

#2059.  Senator Cruz (Second Hand News --- Fleetwood Mac)

 

#2060.  Elon (He's Gone --- Grateful Dead)

 

#2061.  I Guess That's Why They Call Him Ted Cruz (I Guess That's Why They Call Him Ted Cruz --- Elton John)

Please do not share this material with Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) and/or former President Donald J. Trump.