Monday, November 21, 2022

#1557. Wants The Crudite

All of Dr. Mehmet Oz's published twerks, er uh, works... include the word "You" in the title.

 

Rumor has it that Oprah briefly considered relocating to Pennsylvania... just to vote for Oz's opponent, John Fetterman.


You: The Owner's Manual

You: On A Diet

You: Staying Young


Lately I've been considering writing a book.  You: Are A Piece Of Shit

 


The Radisson Hotel across from PNC Park.  Never ceases to disappoint.


Corner of the Rachel Carson St. Bridge and Ft. Duquesne Blvd.  Bengals 37 Steelers 30.


As I was saying, I might even write another book.  This one entitled...  

"You: Stink!  GTFOH!"

 


 

Wants The Crudite
sonofsaf

Wegner’s veggies dinnertime
All the bourgeoisie business of mankind
His adversary, John Fetterman
Oz is aching gluttony’s a sin
Dumb ass New Jersey shit show
Excrement is anal with a fecal dildo
Big dump he’s gonna take
On the residents of the Keystone State

MAGA’s very red
Donations Trump will rake
Truth Social is inbred
And the news is always fake
Inflation takes a toll
Every time you hear him speak
His grocery store biz
Oz wants the crudite for free

God damn Jew, Jared’s very white
Mehmet seeking produce salsa in his sight
He’s wearing Depends that diaper’s snug
Playin’ second fiddle to a toilet dump
Cost of treason, job to blow
Fate of this once great nation is so and so
Stormy swallowed, cum from a clown
Orange Prolapse’s semen in her lost and found

MAGA’s very red
Donations Trump will rake
Truth Social is inbred
And the news is always fake
Inflation takes a toll
Every time you hear him speak
His grocery store biz
Oz wants the crudite for free
Oz wants the crudite for free
Oz wants the crudite for free

MAGA’s very red
Donations Trump will rake
Truth Social is inbred
And the news is always fake
Inflation takes a toll
Every time you hear him speak
His grocery store biz
Oz wants the crudite for free

Oz wants the crudite for free
Oz wants the crudite for free
Oz wants the crudite for free

 

Gotta Get Away
The Offspring

Getting edgy all the time
Someone around me just a step behind
It's kind of scary, the shape I'm in
Walls are shaking and they're closing in
Too fast or a bit too slow
Paranoid of people and it's starting to show
One guy that I can't shake
Over my shoulder is a big mistake

Sitting on the bed
Or lying wide awake
There's demons in my head
And it's more than I can take
I think I'm on a roll
But I think it's kind of weak
Saying all I know is
I gotta get away from me

I tell you, something just ain't right
My head is on loose but my shoes are tight
Avoiding my friends 'cause they all bug
Life is like a riddle and I'm really stumped
If you reason, don't you know
Your own preoccupation is where you'll go
Being followed, I look around
It's only my shadow creeping on the ground

Sitting on the bed
Or lying wide awake
There's demons in my head
And it's more than I can take
I think I'm on a roll
But I think it's kind of weak
Saying all I know is
I gotta get away from me
I gotta get away from me
I gotta get away from me

Sitting on the bed
Or lying wide awake
There's demons in my head
And it's more than I can take
I think I'm on a roll
But I think it's kind of weak
Saying all I know is
I gotta get away from me

I gotta get away from me
I gotta get away from me
I gotta get away from me


 

 

From 1993 > 2022, The Offspring delivered a grand total of 10 concerts to the Burgh.  Never seen 'em.  Although I did witness plenty of reckless procreation in Oglebay Village & Wheeling Station during the 1990's. 

In 1994, I have a distinct memory of blaring their hit song "Come Out And Play (Keep 'em Separated)"... on Halloween night.  Just before we left for Jaybo's in Elm Grove.  We got back to the apartment at 3am to discover it was robbed (stereo equipment, speakers, a camera, the television, even the microwave).  I wrote about this incident in my odd, oh biography.


The Crudite Compilation Top 10:

#1407.  Crudite Night Is So Delighting (Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting --- Elton John)

#1408.  Crudite (Holiday --- Madonna)

#1409.  Crudite (Holiday --- Scorpions)

#1410.  Crudite (Day By Day --- The Hooters)

#1411.  Let's Get Crudite (Let's Go All The Way --- Sly Fox)

#1412.  Crudite (Fly Away --- Lenny Kravitz)

#1417.  Crudite Mode (Holiday Road --- Lindsey Buckingham)

#1418.  Wants Crudite (So Far Away --- Dire Straits)

#1419.  The Crudite (Not Fade Away --- Grateful Dead)

#1420.  Crudite Din (Holiday Inn --- Elton John)

#1425.  Crudite (Yesterday --- Paul McCartney)

#1428.  Eatin' Crudite (Beach Boys --- Surfin' U.S.A.)

#1432.  Crudite (Holiday --- Bee Gees)

#1437.  Crudite (Stay Away --- Nirvana)

#1438.  Crudite (New Year's Day --- U2)

#1439.  One More Crudite Bite (One More Saturday Night --- Grateful Dead)

#1440.  The Crudite's Bad (The Crudite)

#1441.  Crudite (Say Say Say --- Paul McCartney & Michael Jackson)

#1471.  Crudite Plate (Runaway Train --- Soul Asylum)

#1522.  Mehmet's A Crudite Fan (We're An American Band --- Rob Zombie)

#1552.  Yum Crudite (Slade --- Run Runaway)

#1553.  Buy The Crudite (Dance The Night Away --- Van Halen)

#1554.  The Crudite (Come Sail Away --- Styx)

#1557.  Wants The Crudite (Gotta Get Away --- The Offspring)


The Big Lie 100: (#732)

#1417.  Crudite Mode (Holiday Road --- Lindsey Buckingham)

#1418.  Wants Crudite (So Far Away --- Dire Straits)

#1419.  The Crudite (Not Fade Away --- Grateful Dead)

#1420.  Crudite Din (Holiday Inn --- Elton John)
 
#1421.  Tiffany Smiley (Baba O'Riley --- Grateful Dead)

#1422.  Markwayne (Cocaine --- Eric Clapton)
 
#1423.  Coco Elaine (Hello Again --- The Cars)
 
#1424.  Ill Campaigns (Still Remains --- Stone Temple Pilots)
 
#1425.  Crudite (Yesterday --- Paul McCartney)
 
#1426.  Roe Roe Roe Your Vote (Row Row Row Your Vote --- Ella Fitzgerald)
 
#1427.  Tate Reeves (Governor Blows) (Believe (Nobody Knows) --- My Morning Jacket)
 
#1428.  Eatin' Crudite (Surfin' U.S.A. --- Beach Boys)
 
#1429.  Mrs. Smiley (Mr. Smiley --- Poison)
 
#1430.  Mitch McConnell (Old MacDonald --- Unknown)
 
#1431.  Master Is Special (Master Of Puppets --- Metallica) 

#1432.  Crudite (Holiday --- Bee Gees)
 
#1433.  Fucked Up Ass Blake Masters (Fabulous Disaster --- Exodus)
 
#1434.  Mrs. Smiley (Mr. Crowley --- Ozzy Osbourne)
 
#1435.  Talk To Mark Meadows (Walk In The Shadows --- Queensryche)
 
#1436. Chris Kice (The Price -- Twisted Sister)

#1437.  Crudite (Stay Away --- Nirvana)

#1438.  Crudite (New Year's Day --- U2)

#1439.  One More Crudite Bite (One More Saturday Night --- Grateful Dead)

#1440.  The Crudite's Bad (The Crudite) (Don't Go Away Mad (Just Go Away) --- Motley Crue)

#1441.  Crudite (Say Say Say --- Paul McCartney & Michael Jackson)

#1442.  That Donald Trump Is... (All In The Name Of... Motley Crue)

#1443.  Comer Isn't Very Smart (Owner Of A Lonely Heart --- Yes)

#1444.  Mehmet Oz (Just Because --- Jane's Addiction)

#1445.  A Piece Of Shit From The Start (Total Eclipse Of The Heart --- Bonnie Tyler)

#1446.  J.D. (Lady --- Styx)

#1447.  J.D. Vance (My Romance --- Carly Simon)

#1448.  Donald Trump's Hair (Ya Mo B There --- Michael McDonald)

#1449.  Dixon, Tudor (Touch My Tooter --- Ween)

#1450.  J.D. (Lady --- Little River Band)

#1451.  J.D. Is Gay (Lay Lady Lay --- Bob Dylan)

#1452.  Tudor Dixon (Superstition --- Stevie Wonder)

#1453.  Richard Woods (Harry Hood --- Phish)

#1454.  Woods (Would --- Alice In Chains)

#1455.  Ted Budd (Blackbird --- The Beatles)

#1456.  Budd Is Far Right (Bloody Well Right --- Supertramp)

#1457.  Trump's Strange (La Grange --- ZZ Top)

#1458.  Ashley Kalus (Brokedown Palace --- Grateful Dead)

#1459.  Hung Cao (Right Now --- Van Halen)

#1460.  Hung Cao (Black Cow --- Steely Dan)

#1461.  Scott Jensen (Confusion --- Electric Light Orchestra)

#1462.  Meet Mehmet (Meet The Mets --- Ruth Roberts & Bill Katz)

#1463.  Bolduc (Holed Up --- The Raconteurs)

#1464.  Bolduc's Fucked up (Hold Your Head Up --- Argent)

#1465.  Vance Is A Cunt (Eminence Front --- The Who)

#1466.  Oh Mike Lindell (The First Noel --- Brian Wilson)

#1467.  A Fucking Assclown (The Final Countdown --- Europe)

#1468.  Kim Jong Un Will Fight (Afternoon Delight --- Starland Vocal Band)

#1469.  Majewski's Outta Line (Nobody's Fault But Mine --- Led Zeppelin)

#1470.  I Guess That's Why They Call Him A Jew (I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues --- Elton John)

#1471.  Crudite Plate (Runaway Train --- Soul Asylum)

#1472.  Roger Stone (Danger Zone --- Kenny Loggins)

#1473.  Roger Stone (Danger Zone --- The Ramones)

#1474.  Laxalt (Asshole --- Tom Petty)

#1475.  Trump Is A Bitch (Under The Bridge --- Red Hot Chili Peppers)

#1476.  Mark Meadows Loves Gay Porn (Every Rose Has A Thorn --- Poison)

#1477.  Kim Jong's Illin' (You Be Illin' --- Run DMC)

#1478.  Bad Roger Stone (Bad To The Bone --- George Thorogood & The Destroyers)

#1479.  Burt (Hurt --- Nine Inch Nails)

#1480.  Pate Is A Geek (Eight Days A Week --- The Beatles)

#1481.  Poor Sandy Smith (Poor Ellen Smith --- Billy Strings)

#1482.  Laxalt (Blackout --- Scorpions)

#1483.  Steve J. Scalise (Karma Police --- Radiohead)

#1484. Steve Scalise (Dream Police --- Cheap Trick)

#1485.  Teddy Cruz (Boggie Shoes --- KC & The Sunshine Band)

#1486. Ronchetti (Black Betty --- Metal Church)

#1487.  Joe O'Dea (Day By Day --- The Hooters)

#1488.  Tommy Tuberville (A View To A Kill --- Duran Duran) 

#1489.  Fuck You Trumpers (All You Zombies --- The Hooters)

#1490.  A. Biggs (War Pigs --- Black Sabbath)

#1491.  Rubio Ga Ga (Radio Ga Ga --- Queen)

#1492.  Moran (Old Man --- Neil Young)

#1493.  Trump's A Liar (Ring Of Fire --- Johnny Cash)

#1494.  Why Does Ivanka Blow (Where Do The Children Go --- The Hooters)

#1495.  Why Why, Gay Gay (Chris Sununu) (My My, Hey Hey (Out Of The Blue) --- Neil Young)

#1496.  Tonight Ivanka Masturbates For You (Tonight I Want To Celebrate With You --- My Morning Jacket)

#1497.  Marco A. Rubio (Turn Up The Radio --- Autograph)

#1498.  Tshibaka (Fuck You) (Axilla (Part II --- Phish)

#1499.  Sinning (Winning --- Santana)

#1500.  Nunes (Jane Says --- Jane's Addiction)

#1501.  (We Don't Want No) Kenneth Paxton (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction --- Rolling Stones)

#1502.  Asshole In Trump Tower... Stinking (Standing In The Shower... Thinking --- Jane's Addiction)

#1503.  Fuck Cooper (The Trooper --- Iron Maiden)

#1504.  Ganahl (Crank Call --- Billy Idol)

#1505.  Bannon (Love Gun --- Kiss)

#1506.  Marco Rubio's A Clown And A Retard (Me And Julio Down By The Schoolyard --- Paul Simon)

#1507.  Paul LePage (Turn The Page --- Bob Seger)

#1508.  The Donald Is Orange Not White (We Only Come Out At Night --- Smashing Pumpkins)

#1509.  Cindy Kirk (Dirty Work --- Steely Dan)

#1510.  Strong And His Mouth (Song Of The South --- Alabama)

#1511.  Clarence Thomas (Mr. Crowley --- Ozzy Osbourne)

#1512.  Jim Marchant (Ants Marching --- Dave Matthews Band)

#1513.  Adam Hinojosa (Champagne Supernova --- Oasis)

#1514.  Acrisure (Immature --- Bjork)

#1515.  Michels The Liar (Trial By Fire --- Testament)

#1516.  Donald's A Liar (Great Balls Of Fire --- Jerry Lee Lewis)

#1517.  Mark Amodei (Carry that Weight --- Paul McCartney)

#1518.  George Logan (War Begun --- My Morning Jacket)

#1519.  Mike DeWine (He's So Fine --- The Chiffons)

#1520.  Connie Scott (Ocelot --- Phish)

#1521.  Colonel Robertson (Mrs. Robisnon --- Paul Simon)

#1522.  Mehmet's A Crudite Fan (We're An American Band --- Rob Zombie)

#1523.  The Liar Bob Burns (The Fire That Burns --- Twisted Sister)

#1524.  Grassley Ass Ass (Blow, Blow, Blow) (Grassy Grass Grass (Grow, Grow, Grow --- Woody Guthrie)

#1525.  Fuck Cory Mills (Run To The Hills --- Iron Maiden)

#1526.  Sununu (Katmandu --- Bob Seger)

#1527.  Josh Brecheen (Hey Nineteen --- Steely Dan)

#1528.  Lombardo (Touch And Go --- The Cars)

#1529.  Gerald Malloy (Seek And Destroy --- Metallica)

#1530.  Ezell (That Smell --- Lynyrd Skynyrd)

#1531.  Die Anus Brenna Bird (Fly Famous Mockingbird --- Phish)

#1532.  I Hope He Dies (DeSantis DeSantis) (As Time Goes By (A Kiss Is Just A Kiss) --- Herman Hupfeld)

#1533.  Sam Peters (Maneater --- Hall & Oates)

#1534.  Houchin Is A Buffoon (Bouncin' Around The Room --- Phish)

#1535.  Brenna Bird (Mockingbird --- Carly Simon)

#1536.  Eli Crane (On A Plain --- Nirvana)

#1537.  Marco Rubio (Sussudio --- Phil Collins) 

#1538.  Dislike Neil Parrott (Smells Like Teen Spirit --- Nirvana)

#1539.  Kirkmeyer (Desire --- U2)

#1540.  Bruce Poliquin (Bad Medicine --- Bon Jovi)

#1541.  Chavez DeRemer (Daydream Believer --- The Monkees)

#1542.  Michelle Steel (Spinning Wheel --- Blood, Sweat & Tears)

#1543.  Ganahl's Gay (Dance Hall Days --- Wang Chung) 

#1544.  Trump (Jump --- Van Halen)

#1545.  Justin Amash (Caught In A Mosh --- Anthrax)

#1546.  Senator Chuck Grassley (Tallahassee Lassie --- Rolling Stones)

#1547.  Omnibus (Magic Bus --- The Who)

#1548.  Bird Whore (3rd Floor --- Death Angel)

#1549.  Fuck Ganahl (Give It All --- Ratt)

#1550.  Heidi Ganahl (I Want It All --- Queen)

#1551.  Aaron Bean (Vasoline --- Stone Temple Pilots)

#1552.  Yum Crudite (Run Runaway --- Slade)

#1553.  Buy The Crudite (Dance The Night Away --- Van Halen)

#1554.  The Crudite (Come Sail Away --- Styx)

#1555.  He's John Cornyn (I Walk The Line --- Johnny Cash)

#1556.  Fuck You  John Cornyn (You Are My Sunshine --- Johnny Cash)

#1557.  Wants The Crudite (Gotta Get Away --- The Offspring)


Please do not share this material with Mehmet Oz and/or former President Donald J. Trump.

 

 

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