Friday, November 11, 2022

#1536. Eli Crane

Eli Crane, the Orange Prolapse endorsed candidate in Arizona's 2nd District, is coasting to victory.


With 87% of the votes in...

Eli Crane (R), 54%, 150,370

Tom O'Halleran (D), 46%, 127,995

Oh those Grand Canyon State Republicans!  They got it made in the shade.  When they win, it's a fair election.  But if they lose, it was rigged and corrupt.  This phenomenon is known as both the "Finchum Axiom" and the "Lake Effect."

 


 

Eli Crane
sonofsaf

Fucking jag-off an asshole’n turd
Spreads the big lie, I wish he was dead
Elf on a shelf Kushner’s a Jew
He lacks a dong for Ivanka to screw
Trump’s fucking gay a clown who is mad
His meat is burned Big Mac on demand
Christmas elf, Kushner’s a Jew
Does not belong in the White House too (woo hoo)

Fuck Eli Crane (ooh, ooh)
Orange Prolapse stain (fuck you)
He’s Eli Crane (ooh, ooh)

The MAGA crowd is very white
They’re really gay, My Pillows they bite

Elf on a shelf Kushner’s a Jew
Does not belong in the White House too

A coup d’etat we must defend
Dumpster of cum a fucking load
Christmas elf Kushner’s a Jew
Does not belong in the White House too (woo hoo)

Fuck Eli Crane (ooh, ooh)
Orange Prolapse stain (fuck you)
Fuck Eli Crane (ooh, ooh)

Orange hair’s gonna settle the score
Big tits are why that Stormy’s hardcore
Let’s hang Mike Pence his wife won’t get laid
Laptop from hell Hunter’s getting paid

He commits crime mostly out of fear
Won’t pay the fines still he laments
Christmas elf Kushner’s a Jew
Does not belong in the White House too (woo hoo)

And Georgia’s Herschel Walker is slow
A dumb ass cunt and big black bone
Christmas elf Kushner’s a Jew
Does not belong in the White House too (woo hoo)

Fuck Eli Crane (ooh, ooh)
Orange Prolapse stain (fuck you)
Fuck Eli Crane (ooh, ooh)
Orange Prolapse stain (fuck you)
Fuck Eli Crane (ooh, ooh)
Orange Prolapse stain (fuck you)
Fuck Eli Crane (ooh, ooh)
Orange Prolapse stain (fuck you)
Fuck Eli Crane (ooh, ooh)
(Ooh, ooh)

 

On A Plain
Nirvana

I'll start this off without any words
I got so high, I scratched till I bled
I love myself better than you
I know it's wrong so what should I do?
The finest day that I've ever had
Was when I learned to cry on command
Love myself better than you
I know it's wrong so what should I do? (Ooh, ooh)

I'm on a plain (Ooh, ooh)
I can't complain (Ooh, ooh)
I'm on a plain (Ooh, ooh)

My mother died every night
It's safe to say, don't quote me on that

I love myself better than you
I know it's wrong so what should I do?

The black sheep got blackmailed again
Forgot to put on the zip code
Love myself better than you
I know it's wrong so what should I do? (Ooh, ooh)

I'm on a plain (Ooh, ooh)
I can't complain (Ooh, ooh)
I'm on a plain (Ooh, ooh)

Somewhere I have heard this before
In a dream my memory has stored
As a defense I'm neutered and spayed
What the hell am I trying to say?

It is now time to make it unclear
To write off lines that don't make sense
Love myself better than you
I know it's wrong so what should I do?

And one more special message to go
And then I'm done and I can go home
Love myself better than you
I know it's wrong so what should I do? (Ooh, ooh)

I'm on a plain (Ooh, ooh)
I can't complain (Ooh, ooh)
I'm on a plain (Ooh, ooh)
I can't complain (Ooh, ooh)
I'm on a plain (Ooh, ooh)
I can't complain (Ooh, ooh)
I'm on a plain (Ooh, ooh)
I can't complain (Ooh, ooh)
I'm on a plain (Ooh, ooh)
(Ooh, ooh)

 


Easily one of my favorite Nirvana tunes.  Others include Territorial Pissings and Scentless Apprentice.  As well as the entire MTV unplugged 1994 performance.  Acoustic material often drags.  Uh, not that shit. RIP Kurt Cobain.

Nirvana played the Burgh twice.  Once at the Sonic Temple in We'll Kill Yinz Burgh back in 1989.  The other time in 1991 at the Graffiti in Oakland.  Missed 'em both.

This is my third parody of future Congressman Eli Crane (R-AZ).

#1372.  He's Eli Crane (I Can't Explain --- The Who)

#1375.  Crane (Stain --- Nirvana)


The Big Lie 100: (#711)

#1417.  Crudite Mode (Holiday Road --- Lindsey Buckingham)

#1418.  Wants Crudite (So Far Away --- Dire Straits)

#1419.  The Crudite (Not Fade Away --- Grateful Dead)

#1420.  Crudite Din (Holiday Inn --- Elton John)
 
#1421.  Tiffany Smiley (Baba O'Riley --- Grateful Dead)

#1422.  Markwayne (Cocaine --- Eric Clapton)
 
#1423.  Coco Elaine (Hello Again --- The Cars)
 
#1424.  Ill Campaigns (Still Remains --- Stone Temple Pilots)
 
#1425.  Crudite (Yesterday --- Paul McCartney)
 
#1426.  Roe Roe Roe Your Vote (Row Row Row Your Vote --- Ella Fitzgerald)
 
#1427.  Tate Reeves (Governor Blows) (Believe (Nobody Knows) --- My Morning Jacket)
 
#1428.  Eatin' Crudite (Surfin' U.S.A. --- Beach Boys)
 
#1429.  Mrs. Smiley (Mr. Smiley --- Poison)
 
#1430.  Mitch McConnell (Old MacDonald --- Unknown)
 
#1431.  Master Is Special (Master Of Puppets --- Metallica) 

#1432.  Crudite (Holiday --- Bee Gees)
 
#1433.  Fucked Up Ass Blake Masters (Fabulous Disaster --- Exodus)
 
#1434.  Mrs. Smiley (Mr. Crowley --- Ozzy Osbourne)
 
#1435.  Talk To Mark Meadows (Walk In The Shadows --- Queensryche)
 
#1436. Chris Kice (The Price -- Twisted Sister)

#1437.  Crudite (Stay Away --- Nirvana)

#1438.  Crudite (New Year's Day --- U2)

#1439.  One More Crudite Bite (One More Saturday Night --- Grateful Dead)

#1440.  The Crudite's Bad (The Crudite) (Don't Go Away Mad (Just Go Away) --- Motley Crue)

#1441.  Crudite (Say Say Say --- Paul McCartney & Michael Jackson)

#1442.  That Donald Trump Is... (All In The Name Of... Motley Crue)

#1443.  Comer Isn't Very Smart (Owner Of A Lonely Heart --- Yes)

#1444.  Mehmet Oz (Just Because --- Jane's Addiction)

#1445.  A Piece Of Shit From The Start (Total Eclipse Of The Heart --- Bonnie Tyler)

#1446.  J.D. (Lady --- Styx)

#1447.  J.D. Vance (My Romance --- Carly Simon)

#1448.  Donald Trump's Hair (Ya Mo B There --- Michael McDonald)

#1449.  Dixon, Tudor (Touch My Tooter --- Ween)

#1450.  J.D. (Lady --- Little River Band)

#1451.  J.D. Is Gay (Lay Lady Lay --- Bob Dylan)

#1452.  Tudor Dixon (Superstition --- Stevie Wonder)

#1453.  Richard Woods (Harry Hood --- Phish)

#1454.  Woods (Would --- Alice In Chains)

#1455.  Ted Budd (Blackbird --- The Beatles)

#1456.  Budd Is Far Right (Bloody Well Right --- Supertramp)

#1457.  Trump's Strange (La Grange --- ZZ Top)

#1458.  Ashley Kalus (Brokedown Palace --- Grateful Dead)

#1459.  Hung Cao (Right Now --- Van Halen)

#1460.  Hung Cao (Black Cow --- Steely Dan)

#1461.  Scott Jensen (Confusion --- Electric Light Orchestra)

#1462.  Meet Mehmet (Meet The Mets --- Ruth Roberts & Bill Katz)

#1463.  Bolduc (Holed Up --- The Raconteurs)

#1464.  Bolduc's Fucked up (Hold Your Head Up --- Argent)

#1465.  Vance Is A Cunt (Eminence Front --- The Who)

#1466.  Oh Mike Lindell (The First Noel --- Brian Wilson)

#1467.  A Fucking Assclown (The Final Countdown --- Europe)

#1468.  Kim Jong Un Will Fight (Afternoon Delight --- Starland Vocal Band)

#1469.  Majewski's Outta Line (Nobody's Fault But Mine --- Led Zeppelin)

#1470.  I Guess That's Why They Call Him A Jew (I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues --- Elton John)

#1471.  Crudite Plate (Runaway Train --- Soul Asylum)

#1472.  Roger Stone (Danger Zone --- Kenny Loggins)

#1473.  Roger Stone (Danger Zone --- The Ramones)

#1474.  Laxalt (Asshole --- Tom Petty)

#1475.  Trump Is A Bitch (Under The Bridge --- Red Hot Chili Peppers)

#1476.  Mark Meadows Loves Gay Porn (Every Rose Has A Thorn --- Poison)

#1477.  Kim Jong's Illin' (You Be Illin' --- Run DMC)

#1478.  Bad Roger Stone (Bad To The Bone --- George Thorogood & The Destroyers)

#1479.  Burt (Hurt --- Nine Inch Nails)

#1480.  Pate Is A Geek (Eight Days A Week --- The Beatles)

#1481.  Poor Sandy Smith (Poor Ellen Smith --- Billy Strings)

#1482.  Laxalt (Blackout --- Scorpions)

#1483.  Steve J. Scalise (Karma Police --- Radiohead)

#1484. Steve Scalise (Dream Police --- Cheap Trick)

#1485.  Teddy Cruz (Boggie Shoes --- KC & The Sunshine Band)

#1486. Ronchetti (Black Betty --- Metal Church)

#1487.  Joe O'Dea (Day By Day --- The Hooters)

#1488.  Tommy Tuberville (A View To A Kill --- Duran Duran) 

#1489.  Fuck You Trumpers (All You Zombies --- The Hooters)

#1490.  A. Biggs (War Pigs --- Black Sabbath)

#1491.  Rubio Ga Ga (Radio Ga Ga --- Queen)

#1492.  Moran (Old Man --- Neil Young)

#1493.  Trump's A Liar (Ring Of Fire --- Johnny Cash)

#1494.  Why Does Ivanka Blow (Where Do The Children Go --- The Hooters)

#1495.  Why Why, Gay Gay (Chris Sununu) (My My, Hey Hey (Out Of The Blue) --- Neil Young)

#1496.  Tonight Ivanka Masturbates For You (Tonight I Want To Celebrate With You --- My Morning Jacket)

#1497.  Marco A. Rubio (Turn Up The Radio --- Autograph)

#1498.  Tshibaka (Fuck You) (Axilla (Part II --- Phish)

#1499.  Sinning (Winning --- Santana)

#1500.  Nunes (Jane Says --- Jane's Addiction)

#1501.  (We Don't Want No) Kenneth Paxton (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction --- Rolling Stones)

#1502.  Asshole In Trump Tower... Stinking (Standing In The Shower... Thinking --- Jane's Addiction)

#1503.  Fuck Cooper (The Trooper --- Iron Maiden)

#1504.  Ganahl (Crank Call --- Billy Idol)

#1505.  Bannon (Love Gun --- Kiss)

#1506.  Marco Rubio's A Clown And A Retard (Me And Julio Down By The Schoolyard --- Paul Simon)

#1507.  Paul LePage (Turn The Page --- Bob Seger)

#1508.  The Donald Is Orange Not White (We Only Come Out At Night --- Smashing Pumpkins)

#1509.  Cindy Kirk (Dirty Work --- Steely Dan)

#1510.  Strong And His Mouth (Song Of The South --- Alabama)

#1511.  Clarence Thomas (Mr. Crowley --- Ozzy Osbourne)

#1512.  Jim Marchant (Ants Marching --- Dave Matthews Band)

#1513.  Adam Hinojosa (Champagne Supernova --- Oasis)

#1514.  Acrisure (Immature --- Bjork)

#1515.  Michels The Liar (Trial By Fire --- Testament)

#1516.  Donald's A Liar (Great Balls Of Fire --- Jerry Lee Lewis)

#1517.  Mark Amodei (Carry that Weight --- Paul McCartney)

#1518.  George Logan (War Begun --- My Morning Jacket)

#1519.  Mike DeWine (He's So Fine --- The Chiffons)

#1520.  Connie Scott (Ocelot --- Phish)

#1521.  Colonel Robertson (Mrs. Robisnon --- Paul Simon)

#1522.  Mehmet's A Crudite Fan (We're An American Band --- Rob Zombie)

#1523.  The Liar Bob Burns (The Fire That Burns --- Twisted Sister)

#1524.  Grassley Ass Ass (Blow, Blow, Blow) (Grassy Grass Grass (Grow, Grow, Grow --- Woody Guthrie)

#1525.  Fuck Cory Mills (Run To The Hills --- Iron Maiden)

#1526.  Sununu (Katmandu --- Bob Seger)

#1527.  Josh Brecheen (Hey Nineteen --- Steely Dan)

#1528.  Lombardo (Touch And Go --- The Cars)

#1529.  Gerald Malloy (Seek And Destroy --- Metallica)

#1530.  Ezell (That Smell --- Lynyrd Skynyrd)

#1531.  Die Anus Brenna Bird (Fly Famous Mockingbird --- Phish)

#1532.  I Hope He Dies (DeSantis DeSantis) (As Time Goes By (A Kiss Is Just A Kiss) --- Herman Hupfeld)

#1533.  Sam Peters (Maneater --- Hall & Oates)

#1534.  Houchin Is A Buffoon (Bouncin' Around The Room --- Phish)

#1535.  Brenna Bird (Mockingbird --- Carly Simon)

#1536.  Eli Crane (On A Plain --- Nirvana)


Please do not share this material with Eli Crane and/or former President Donald J. Trump.

 

 


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