#2144. Mike Johnson

When someone becomes the third in line for succession to the President of the United States, people often want to get a glimpse of their immediate family.  Such is the case with the relatively unknown Speaker of the House Mike Johnson.  Fair enough.

Behold!  It's the perfect nuclear family.  Straight outta the 1950's.  

But wait a minute.  Someone resembling a youthful Barack Obama is MIA.

That's right.  It turns out that Mike and his then girlfriend Kelly "adopted" a black teenager.  But there was no paperwork.  No screening or interviews.  No trials and tribulations.  Zero process.  The couple just "took him in."  As in... he was fucking abducted from an evangelical prayer group.  Regarding the legality and custody aspect, I'm not quite sure how you get away with something like this.  Then again it's Louisiana.  A state well known for historically dabbling in the slave trade.  Maybe the couple just wanted to own an African American and summon their inner gangsta rapper.  I do not know.

But here's what I do know.  You will never see pictures of "Michael Jr." with the rest of the fam.  Johnson made a calculated political decision that it just wouldn't sit well with the dominant MAGA base of the GOP. 

In the meantime, nobody's allowed to talk about the existence of 38 year old Michael Jr. because it's a "private family matter."  Apparently human trafficking isn't that big a deal.  As long as you have moral intentions.

Makes me wanna hit up this week's bible study.  Hell, maybe the Johnsons would take me in.  

How the fuck do I put myself up for adoption? (mark :22)

 

 

Mike Johnson
sonofsaf

Mike Johnson
I wonder if he’s gay
He always wants to pray
Mike Johnson

Mike Johnson
The enemy
Straight outta Trump Towers
Maybe he’s wearin’ Depends

Screwing you
Speaker too
Fucking you
Speaker too

Mike Johnson
He always wants to pray
I wonder if he’s gay
He always wants to pray

Mike Johnson
Some say he’s pissed
Total Christian bitch
He ain’t a Jew piece of shit

He’ll fuck you
Speaker too
Fucking you
Speaker too

Mike Johnson
Most say he’s pissed
Total Christian bitch
Ain’t a Jew piece of shit

He’ll fuck you
He’s screwing you
He’ll screw you
Yeah, fucking you

 

Done And Done
The Tragically Hip

Done and done
I never get my way
You always get your way
I never get my way

Done and done
Talk about me
I'll listen for hours
'Cause I don't know how it ends

We're through, through
Through and through
Yeah, through, through
Through and through

Done and done
You always get your way
I never get my way
You always get your way

Done and done
Days accomplished
If I had a wish
It'd be for more of this

This through, through
Through and through
Yeah, through, through
Through and through

Done and done
Night accomplished
If I had a wish
I'd wish for more of this

This through, through
This through and through
We're through, through
Yeah, through and through

This song kinda grows on you.  Surprisingly, for as long as this band has been around, I'm unfamiliar with their material.

From 1991 to 2009, The Tragically Hip played the Burgh a grand total of 8 times.  Never seen 'em.

The Big Lie 100: (#1298)

#1938.  Amanda Chase (Leather and Lace --- Stevie Nicks)

#1939.  Wagner Group (Chicken Soup --- Skrillex)

#1940.  Wagner Group (Chicken Soup --- Saint Etienne)

#1941.  Donald Trump Is Not A King (Money Changes Everything --- Cyndi Lauper)

#1942.  Will Hurd (Songbird --- Fleetwood Mac)

#1943.  Trump Is Gay (Trip Away --- Jane's Addiction)

#1944.  Transgender (Surrender --- Natalie Taylor)

#1945.  Robert Bowers (After Hours --- Boz Scaggs)

#1946.  Transgender (Surrender --- Cheap Trick)

#1947.  Mercenary (Virgin Mary --- Joan Baez)

#1948.  Bacon's Fucking You (Breaking Us In Two --- Joe Jackson)

#1949.  Donald Ain't White (Feelin' Alright --- Joe Cocker)

#1950.  Trump's A Cunt (Born To Run --- Bruce Springsteen)

#1951.  Orange Prolapse Fart (Call To Your Heart --- Giuffria)

#1952.  Robert Bowers (Kilburn Towers --- Bee Gees)

#1953.  Is An Asshole (Antisocial --- Anthrax)

#1954.  Walt Nauta (Saltwater --- Julian Lennon)

#1955.  Gay Donald (Hey Stoopid --- Alice Cooper)

#1956.  Luna (Tuna --- Hooverphonic)

#1957.  Sick Bowers (Six Hours --- Alice Cooper)

#1958.  A Border (No Quarter --- Led Zeppelin)

#1959.  Cocaine (The Chain --- Fleetwood Mac)

#1960.  Steven Daines (Country Lanes --- Bee Gees)

#1961.  Greene Is Outta Line (Teenage Frankenstein --- Alice Cooper)

#1962.  Nauta Fucks You (Gotta Jibboo --- Phish)

#1963.  Greene Can't Be Trusted (Mean Mister Mustard --- The Beatles)

#1964.  Kash (Trash --- Silverchair)

#1965.  Sam Brown (Breakdown --- Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers)

#1966.  The Jesse Law Acrimony (The Oh Kee Pa Ceremony --- Phish)

#1967.  I Hate Sam Brown (I Won't Back Down --- Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers)

#1968.  Aileen Cannon (Feast or Famine --- Seether)

#1969.  Tommy (Shit) (Eminem --- Mommy (Skit)

#1970.  I Saw Tommy Fisting Donald Trump (I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus --- Twisted Sister)

#1971.  Tommy, Can A Nationalist Be White (Mommy, Can I Go Out And Kill Tonight --- The Misfits)

#1972.  Taylor Greene's Gay (In Between Days --- The Cure)

#1973.  Just Like Kevin (Just Like Heaven --- The Cure)

#1974.  Eli Crane (Crazy Train --- Ozzy Osbourne)

#1975.  Crane (Rain --- Rusted Root)

#1976.  Eli Crane (Purple Rain --- Prince)

#1977.  Taylor Greene (Gasoline --- Audioslave)

#1978.  Nauta And The Treason (Gotta Have A Reason --- Bon Jovi)

#1979.  His Ass Is Why: A Fist For DeSantis (As Time Goes By: A Kiss Is Just A Kiss --- Willie Nelson & Julio Eglesias)

#1980.  Roy's A Fanatic (Toys In The Attic --- Aerosmith)

#1981.  Two Thousand Mules (Nobody's Fool --- Cinderella)

#1982.  Taylor Greene (Gasoline --- Trampled By Turtles)

#1983.  Clown (Down --- Pearl Jam)

#1984.  Taylor Greene (Mean Machine --- Motorhead)

#1985.  Tom Fitton, Big Lie (Once Bitten, Twice Shy --- Great White)

#1986.  Chip Roy's A Fucking Clown (The Toys Go Winding Down --- Primus)

#1987.  Cannon (Famine --- Death Angel)

#1988.  Greene (Jean --- David Hasselhoff)

#1989.  Jim Justice (Street Justice --- Cro-Mags)

#1990.  Ayotte (Slipknot --- Grateful Dead)

#1991.  Hawley (Polly --- Nirvana)

#1992.  Proud Boys Love Trump The Clown (The Boys Are Back In Town --- Thin Lizzy)

#1993.  Cornyn (Outshined --- Soundgarden)

#1994.  Mittens Romney (Hot Pastrami --- The Ronettes)

#1995.  Meet John Cornyn (Sweet Caroline --- James Taylor)

#1996.  John Cornyn (Red, Red Wine --- Neil Diamond)

#1997.  Timothy Shea (Come Out And Play --- The Offspring)

#1998.  Shithead Fred Keller (Rats In The Cellar --- Aerosmith)

#1999.  Timothy Shea (Games People Play --- Alan Parsons Project)

#2000.  Trump's A Fuckin' Orange Clown (Try That In A Small Town --- Jason Aldean)

#2001.  Aldean (Machine --- Black Flag)

#2002.  Aldean (Machine --- Violent Femmes)

#2003.  Chris Sununu (Out Of The Blue --- Alan Parsons Project)

#2004.  Aldean Cunt (Machine Gun --- The Commodores)

#2005.  Vance Is White And Gay (Dance The Night Away --- Van Halen)

#2006.  Huckabee (Suddenly --- Billy Ocean)

#2007.  He's Braun (He's Gone --- Grateful Dead)

 

#2008.  Bishop Probes (Bishop's Robes --- Radiohead)

#2009.  Vance, Vance, Vance (Dance, Dance, Dance --- Neil Young)

#2010.  Donald's Arraignment (That's Entertainment --- Aretha Franklin)

#2011.  Taylor Greene (Hey Nineteen --- Steely Dan)

#2012.  An Asshole No Doubt (The Sun Will Come Out --- Little Orphan Annie)

#2013.  Hillbilly J.D. Vance (Victim of Circumstance --- Santana)

#2014.  Dolan (Stolen --- The Brian Jonestown Massacre)

#2015.  Jim Justice (Blind Justice --- Agnostic Front)

#2016.  My God's Donald Trump (My God Is The Sun --- Queens Of The Stone Age)

#2017.  Robert T. Bigelow (Moving In Stereo --- The Cars)

#2018.  Joshua Sills (Beverly Hills --- Weezer)

#2019.  Pritt Is An Orange Prolapse Fart (Quit Playin' Games With My Heart --- Backstreet Boys)

#2020.  Pudding Fingers (Crazy Fingers --- Grateful Dead) 

#2021.  Deace (Peace --- Judas Priest)

#2022.  Joshua Stills (Beverly Hills --- Circle Jerks)

#2023.  Deace (Peace -- Weezer)

#2024.  Donald's Arraignment (That's Entertainment --- Powerman 5000)

#2025.  Scott Brown (Breakdown --- Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers)

#2026.  Trevian Kutti (Heavy Duty --- Judas Priest)

#2027.  Donald's Arraignment (That's Entertainment --- Rancid)

#2028.  CUM (Dumb --- Nirvana)

 

#2029.  Clark (Sparks --- Coldplay)

 

#2030.  DOJ Jeffrey Clark (Saturday In The Park --- Chicago)

 

#2031.  Deace (Grease --- Bee Gees)

 

#2032.  Abigail Jo Shry (No Woman, No Cry --- Bob Marley & The Wailers)

 

#2033.  Abigail (Abigail --- King Diamond)

 

#2034.  Nauta's Really Gay (Gotta Get Away --- The Offspring)

 

#2035.  Owens (Oceans --- Pearl Jam)

 

#2036.  Jew!  (Who? --- Brian Jonestown Massacre)

 

#2037.  Shawn Still's A Creep (Until It Sleeps --- Metallica)

 

#2038.  Findling (Kindling --- Harry Brokensha & Nick Wilson)

 

#2039.  Doug Burgum (Bang The Drum --- Lindsey Buckingham)

 

#2040.  Puddin' Stain (Puddin' Taine --- Primus)

 

#2041.  Harrison Floyd (Into The Void --- Kiss)

 

#2042.  Sam Brown (Breakdown --- Moby)

 

#2043.  Sadow (Meatplow --- Stone Temple Pilots)

 

#2044.  Lawfare (I Swear --- All 4 One)

 

#2045.  Reddy Really Blows (Steady, As She Goes --- The Raconteurs)

 

#2046.  Stormy's Chest (Phone Went West --- My Morning Jacket)

 

#2047.  Lake's A Dummy And Cunt (Take The Money And Run --- Steve Miller)

 

#2048.  Lake's A Liar (Lake Of Fire --- Nirvana)

 

#2049.  Assclown (Lowdown --- My Morning Jacket)

 

#2050.  Fuck Forty-Five (Love Is Alive --- Gary Wright)

 

#2051.  Lake Will Fuck You (Take Me With You --- Prince)

 

#2052.  Stephen Lee (Let It Be --- The Beatles)

 

#2053.  Pezzola's Bad News (Viola Lee Blues --- Grateful Dead)

 

#2054.  Crow (Snow --- The Chemical Brothers)

 

#2055.  Blow Chesebro (Go With the Flow --- Queens Of The Stone Age)

 

#2056.  Brandon Judd (Book Of Blood --- Armored Saint)

 

#2057.  David Cole (Rock And Roll --- Led Zeppelin)

 

#2058.  David Cole (Heart And Soul --- Huey Lewis & The News)

 

#2059.  Senator Cruz (Second Hand News --- Fleetwood Mac)

 

#2060.  Elon (He's Gone --- Grateful Dead)

 

#2061.  I Guess That's Why They Call Him Ted Cruz (I Guess That's Why They Call Him Ted Cruz --- Elton John)

 

#2062.  Kari Lake (Crater Lake --- Liz Phair)

#2063.  Rehl (Deal --- Grateful Dead)

#2064.  Navarro (I Don't Know --- Ozzy Osbourne)

#2065.  Navarro (Touch And Go --- The Cars)

#2066.  Noem (Roam --- The B-52's)

#2067.  Charles Roy (Corduroy --- Pearl Jam)

#2068.  Shutdown (Breakdown --- Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers)

#2069.  Rectum of J.D. Vance (Victim of Circumstance --- Carole King)

 

#2070.  Kim Jong Un (Harvest Moon --- Neil Young)

 

#2071.  Un (Soon --- My Bloody Valentine)

 

#2072.  Harlan Crow (Let It Snow --- Billy Idol)

 

#2073.  Crow (Low --- Cracker)

 

#2074.  Trump Dump's A Piece Of Shit (Trump Won And You Know It --- Natasha Owens)

 

#2075.  Trump Farts (Doll Parts --- Hole)

 

#2076.  Tuberville (Looks That Kill --- Motley Crue)

 

#2077.  Trump Was Born To Fuck You (I Was Born To Love You --- Ray LaMontagne)

 

#2078.  Harrison Floyd (Nine Inch Nails --- Into The Void)

 

#2079.  Ted Cruz (Bad News --- Johnny Cash)

 

#2080.  Rand Paul (Snowball --- Jimmy Fallon)

 

#2081.  Ray Epps (Footsteps --- Pearl Jam)

 

#2082.  Crow (Low --- Coldplay)

 

#2083.  Donald Is Gay (Those Were The Days --- All In The Family theme song)

 

#2084.  Bill Cassidy (Butch Cassidy --- My Morning Jacket)

 

#2085.  Birdbrain (Cocaine --- Eric Clapton)

 

#2086.  McDonald's Meals (Head Over Heels --- The Go-Go's)

 

#2087.  Birdbrain (Red Rain --- Peter Gabriel)

 

#2088.  Birdbrain (Love Train --- Rolling Stones)

 

#2089.  Nikki Haley's A Birdbrain (Have You Ever Seen The Rain --- CCR/John Fogerty)

 

#2090.  Donald Duck (Disco Duck --- Rick Dees And His Cast Of Idiots)

 

#2091.  Birdbrain (Sweet Jane --- The Velvet Underground)

 

#2092.  Birdbrain (Queen Jane ---Grateful Dead)

 

#2093.  Donald Duck (What The Fuck --- The Boxer Rebellion)

 

#2094.  Donald Duck (Police Truck --- Megadeth) 

 

#2095.  Kise Team (Nice Dream --- Radiohead)

 

#2096.  James Craig (Bootleg --- John Fogerty)

 

#2097.  Donald Bender (Hey Big Spender --- Queen)

 

#2098.  Greene Lies (Green Eyes --- Husker Du)

 

#2099.  Chris Kise (Love Bites --- Judas Priest)

 

#2100.  Those Greene Lies (Those Green Eyes --- Avett Brothers)

 

#2102.  Jim (Gym --- Adam Sandler)

 

#2103.  Habba Will Fuck Ya (Havah Nagilah --- Neil Diamond)

 

#2104.  Jim Jordan (The Warden --- Old Crow Medicine Show)

 

#2105.  Stephen Scalise (Karma Police --- Radiohead)

 

#2106.  Fucked Up Hamas (Upon The Cross --- King Diamond)

 

#2107.  Ron DeSantis (Reminiscing --- Little River Band)

 

#2108.  Lake Will Screw (Open Your Ass Wide) (Break On Through To The Other Side --- The Doors)

 

#2109.  Lake's My Enemy (Cake And Sodomy --- Marilyn Manson)

 

#2110.  A Coup D'Etat's The Plan (I Want To Hold Your Hand --- The Beatles)

 

#2111.  Goodbye Hamas (Deny The Cross --- Overkill)

 

#2112.  Steve Scalise (Piece By Piece --- Slayer)

 

#2113.  Kari Lake Is Gay (God Will Make A Way --- Don Moen)

 

#2114.  Jeff McConney Sinner (Reality Winner --- Son Volt)

 

#2115.  Kari Lake's Gonna Fart (Don't Go Breaking My Heart --- Elton John)

 

#2116.  Lake Is Full Of Bullshit (Take It To The Limit --- The Eagles)

 

#2117.  Kari Lake Will Fart (Achy Breaky Heart --- Billy Ray Cyrus)

 

#2118.  Deif  (Grief --- Sepultura)

 

#2119.  Where's El Deif (Where's The Beef --- 1980's Wendy's Commercial)

 

#2120.  And I Hate That Steve Scalise (When I Paint My Masterpiece --- Grateful Dead)

 

#2121. She's Brenna Bird (Gee, I'm A Nerd --- Weird Al Yankovic)

#2122.  That Brenna Bird (This Little Bird --- Nancy Sinatra)

 

#2123.  Why Is Ivanka (Why Don't We Get Drunk --- Jimmy Buffett)

 

#2124.  Brenna Bird (Surfin' Bird --- The Trashmen)

 

#2125.  Brenna Bird (Lady Bird --- Nancy Sinatra)

 

#2126.  Bird Is A Liar (Bird On A Wire --- Johnny Cash)

 

#2127.  Austin Scott (Ocelot --- Phish)

 

#2128.  El Deif (Sweet Leaf --- Black Sabbath)

 

#2129.  Emmer (Hummer --- Cheap Trick)

 

#2130.  On Truth Social (Antisocial --- Anthrax)

 

#2131.  Waltz Is An Asshole

 

#2132.  Trump's A Retard (Calling Blue Cars --- Dishwalla)

 

#2133.  Jordan (Bargain --- The Who)

 

#2134.  That Liar Mark Burns (The Fire Still Burns --- Twisted Sister)

 

#2135.  Palmer (Bomber --- Motorhead)

 

#2136.  Pete Sessions (Impressions --- Napalm Death)

 

#2137.  Stormy's Gonna Fake It (We're Not Gonna Take It --- Twisted Sister)

 

#2138.  Jim Jordan (The Curtain --- Phish)

 

#2139.  Mike Johnson (Black Hole Sun --- Soundgarden)

 

#2140.  Justice (Justice --- Krokus)

 

#2141.  Pete Sessions (Possessions --- Loretta Lynn)

 

#2142.  Tata Fucks You (Gotta Jibboo --- Phish)

 

#2143.  I'm Giving To Mike Johnson (I'm Living In Wisconsin --- The Dead Milkmen)

 

#2144.  Mike Johnson (Done And Done --- The Tragically Hip)

Please do not share this material with Speaker Mike Johnson and/or former President Donald J. Trump.