#251. John Boner

April 13, 2021 is the release date of former Republican Speaker of the House, John Boehner's latest book entitled "On the House: A Washington Memoir."  He made headlines this weekend when he explicitly told Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) to go fuck himself.  An ironically amusing book-selling strategy for a person who was by all means considered a "humble statesmen."

(There are zero pictures of John Boehner and the Orange Prolapse on the internet.  This is the closest I could find.)

Growing up I really didn't watch a lot of cartoons.  But my favorite, hands down, was Speed Racer.  I was all in for Chim Chim and the mysterious Racer X.  Just something about the trance-like animation and that cast of characters with their stilted, Americanized speech patterns.

If you find this parody to be overly offensive, just substitute the correct pronunciation of Johnny Boy's last name (pronounced Bainer).

 

John Boner
sonofsaf

Here he cums
Here cums John Boner
He's a creamin’ for feels
He's a creamin’ and he's hatin’ on all the Republicans

He's bashing fake news and you shouldn’t be surprised.
He's really fucking with the Trumpers is that wise

But when Fox News goes against him
And there's really rough comments too
You see the strife John Boner
And fuck Ted Cruz.

Blow John Boner
Blow John Boner
Blow John Boner, Blow!

Gets off starts crying as he slams the far right with attacks
He wants a freedom medal even though it sounds so whack
Censorship’s anything but dead.

Blow John Boner
Blow John Boner
Blow John Boner, Blow! 

 

Speed Racer
Nobuyoshi Koshibe

Here he comes
Here comes Speed Racer
He's a demon on wheels
He's a demon and he's gonna be chasin' after someone.

He's gainin' on you so you better look alive.
He's busy revvin' up the powerful Mach 5.

And when the odds are against him
And there's dangerous work to do
You bet your life Speed Racer
Will see it through.

Go Speed Racer
Go Speed Racer
Go Speed Racer, Go!

He's off and flyin' as he guns the car around the track
He's jammin' down the pedal like he's never comin' back
Adventure's waitin' just ahead.

Go Speed Racer
Go Speed Racer
Go Speed Racer, Go!

Favorite Speed Racer episode:

Probably The Fire Race (part 1) and (part 2).  They raced through a fucking volcano!  That's tough to beat. 

I tried to watch the 2008 Speed Racer movie starring Emile Hirsch but just couldn't wrap my head around it.  Seemed exhausting and unnecessarily tedious.  Maybe one day I'll reconsider and give it a shot.

Please do not share this information with former Congressman John Boehner (R-OH), Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) and/or former President Donald J. Trump.