#315. You Greitened My Wife

Senator Roy Blunt (R-MO) is retiring at the end of his term.   This will leave a bigtime Republican vacancy in the Show Me State.  Missouri desperately needs some solid, Midwest values driven representation to stand alongside Klansman Josh Hawley, the sole member of the U.S. Senate to vote against the recent Covid-inspired Asian American hate crimes bill.  Much to the dismay of Hawley, the legislation passed 99-1. 

Anyway, the Republican's best shot is former Jew-Gov, Eric Greitens (pronounced Grite-ens)

 

He announced his bid for the seat last month.  But keep in mind, he resigned from the Governor's office because of a lurid sex scandal in 2018.  He was having an affair with his hairdresser.  And he allegedly became violent when she admitted that she was still sleeping with her husband.  So, Greitens did what most men would do.  He snapped some nude photos of her while she was cuffed and blindfolded and threatened to post them on the internet if she went to the press and divulged their illicit affair.  The extortion attempt didn't pan out quite like he had planned.  His wife Sheena dumped his ass, took the kids, moved to Texas, and filed for divorce.

Nonetheless, he's back.  And not only that, but Orange Prolapse sinister underling Kimberly Guilfoyle will be managing his campaign.  Good choice.  I'm predicting that Guilfoyle, at some point, ditches Donald Jr. and hooks up with Greitens.   

Let's dedicate this parody to the ex-husband of Eric Greitens' former hairstylist.

You Greitened My Wife
sonofsaf

Good thing I’m white in Missouri you know
Bating for some fun the cum will be strong
Such heavy cream from the penis of me
Aboard Noah’s ark, you’ll see plenty of dongs

And you Greitened my wife
You packed my dope deep in a bong
You light up the way
And smoke despite it’s wrong

Fuck you fuck me, and don’t call me daughter
Missouri misery give myself a loan
Misery, it loves to say "Hey, I hate you"
And to defriend to mock and to stone

'Cause you Greitened my wife
You packed my dope deep in a bong
You light up the way
And smoke despite it’s wrong

'Cause you Greitened my wife
You packed my dope deep in a bong
You light up the way
And smoke despite it’s wrong

No Cheech and Chong
No munchies to bite
'Cause you, you Greitened my wife

You Light Up My Life
Debby Boone

So many nights I'd sit by my window
Waiting for someone to sing me his song
So many dreams I kept deep inside me
Alone in the dark, but now you've come along

And you light up my life
You give me hope to carry on
You light up my days
And fill my nights with song

Rollin' at sea, adrift on the water
Could it be finally I'm turning for home
Finally, a chance to say, "Hey, I love you"
Never again to be all alone

'Cause you light up my life
You give me hope to carry on
You light up my days
And fill my nights with song

'Cause you, you light up my life
You give me hope to carry on
You light up my days
And fill my nights with song

It can't be wrong
When it feels so right
'Cause you, you light up my life

The 2022 Missouri Senate race could end up being an "evangelical, nationwide referendum" on all of the Trump-backed candidates during the next election cycle.  If I was running the DNC, that's how I'd spin it. 

Never seen Debby Boone perform live.  Then again, I don't spend a lot of time on the megachurch bingo circuit.

Please do not share this information with former Governor Eric Greitens (R-MO), his ex-wife Sheena Greitens, and/or members of the Reform B'nai El Synagogue.