#91. Goodbye Hawley

Like most political junkies, I've been glued to Trump's impeachment trial.  And naturally I have a suggestion.  CNN and MSNBC need to conceive of a name for the Senate Republicans who remain absolutely loyal to the Orange Prolapse.  A historical designation for the ones who are going to cast a vote to acquit Trump, no matter what.  No matter the evidence presented, no matter how many were killed and injured, no matter the attempt to overturn the will of the people, no matter the objective to obliterate the Constitution and dismantle Democracy.  Get my drift?  These Senators require a specific identity.

Two suggestions come to mind ---

The Proud Guys - sycophantic male Senators like Josh Hawley, Ted Cruz, Lindsey Graham, Tommy Tuberville, etc.

The Proud Dolls - sycophantic female Senators like Marsha Blackburn, Cynthia Loomis, Cindy Hyde-Smith, etc.

I like it because it's easy to grasp...  Guys and Dolls.  Obviously, it's a knock-off of the famous Broadway musical with the added white supremacy twist of the Proud Boys.  Even if you're unfamiliar with the play, plenty of people know about it, primarily because it was referenced in the infamous Seinfeld episode where Jerry and George are falsely exposed as a gay couple by an NYU reporter.  In the episode, George surprises Jerry for his birthday with two tickets to Guys and Dolls (it's not Guys and Guys).

The other idea is to lump all the diehard Trump loyalists with the same name.  I like calling them "The Sicknickers" or "The Sicker Nickers."  A reference to the U.S. Capitol policeman who was savagely beaten to death.  Pretty much everyone knows the identity of Brian Sicknick.  So it's a blatant, enduring reminder of the stunning hypocrisy.  Especially since all these Trumper faux-patriots issued formal statements condemning his senseless murder.  But truth be told, they could care less.  It also has a phonetic similarity with the N-word.  Plus, you can employ a slight variation of the famous Snickers slogan...

"You're not you when you're hungry."  Instead I'd go with... "You're not you when you're dead."

Of course, nobody ever takes my advice.  So history will likely just refer to this faction as "The Acquitters."  Even though I'd prefer something with a little more creative, historical zing, I suppose I could live with that one.  How about the Dred Scotters?  Think in terms of the legislative equivalent for the most infamous, lasting stain on the judicial branch.  I like it because of the glaring racial overtones.   

Anyway, in keeping with the Guys and Dolls theme, here's a parody of Hello Dolly.  I call it "Goodbye Hawley."  So show me that Senatorial piece of shit from Missouri.  Uh what's his name?  Oh yeah, Josh Hawley.  That smug piece of shit was sitting all by himself yesterday, in the gallery, with his feet up, pretending to busy himself with the reading of fake documents.  What a piece of... uh what's the word I'm looking for... oh yeah, shit!  Josh Hawley is a piece of shit.  Dedicated to that pathetic fucking embarrassment. 

 

Goodbye Hawley
sonofsaf

Goodbye Hawley, ...this is Saffy, Hawley
Roll the dice to suck your cack inside that thong
You stink like hell, Hawley… I can smell, Hawley
You're still hoe-in’…you're still blowin’… you're still wearin’ thongs
I feel that you’re prayin'... away all the gayin’
We gonna savor that thong again and again,
So... cut the crap, fellas... give him a total DAP, fellas
Hawley, ass-holy gotta defend

I feel that you’re prayin'... away all the gayin’
We gonna savor that thong again and again,
So Hawley gee, fellas come smoke an eighth with me
Fellas
Hawley, pray away the gay, fellas
You’ll pray away the gay
Hawley keep prayin’ away that gay

Hello Dolly
Louis Armstrong

Hello, Dolly, ...this is Louis, Dolly
It's so nice to have you back where you belong
You're lookin' swell, Dolly... I can tell, Dolly
You're still growin'...you're still crowin'...you're still goin' strong
I feel the room swayin'...while the band's playin'
One of our old favourite songs from way back when,
So... take her wrap, fellas... find her an empty lap, fellas
Dolly'll never go away again

I feel the room swayin’ while the band playin
One of our old favorite songs from way back when,
So golly gee, fellas have a little faith in me
Fellas
Dolly’ll never go away, fellas
You’ll never go away
Dolly ain’t goin away again

 

Never saw Louis Armstrong in concert.  He died in 1971 when I was one.

Please do not share this information with Senator Josh Hawley (R-MO), Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX), Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC), Senator Tommy Tuberville (R-AL), Senator Marsha Blackburn, Senator Cynthia Loomis (R-WY), Senator Cindy Hyde-Smith (R-MS), former President Donald J. Trump, and/or any descendants of the late Louis Armstrong.