Friday, February 05, 2021

#71. Slime After Slime

Dedicated to my wife Gigi.  She refuses to eat anything from McDonald's.  Always reiterating the claim... "it goes right through me."  


Of course, who can forget the "pink slime" marketing disaster of 2014?  About once a year, I'll zip through the drive thru and snag a large fry.  But that's the extent of my relationship with the #1 fast food purveyor of McCrap.

Ronald McDonald just doesn't do it for me.  The overtly ginger disposition, the erratic buffoonery, the clownish makeup... reminds me of Trump.  However, I do like the conceptual presence of a Hamburglar.  Outfitted in prison garb.  Willing to risk imprisonment.  Lurking around every corner desperately trying to secure a circular patty of synthetic ground beef.  Some refer to him as "The Hamburglar."  But I prefer just... Hamburglar.  Puts him in that same iconic category with Cher, Madonna, etc.

Gigi and I hit up the Rod Stewart concert at PPG Paints Arena in 2018.  Cyndi Lauper opened.  Despite her minimal 5'3" stature and ongoing plaque psoriasis condition, she belted out a pretty impressive performance.  Very animated and a terrific conversationalist.  It's the only time I've seen her live in concert.  

Setlist:

I Drove All Night
She Bop
All Through The Night (Jules Shear cover)
Hope
The Goonies ‘R Good Enough
Money Changes Everything (The Brains cover)
Shine
Alone In The Harbor
Time After Time
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
Not My Father’s Son
True Colors

Never cared much for the "Time After Time" ballad.  However, "Money Changes Everything" is a different story entirely.  Can't believe I never knew it was a cover.  Regardless, here she is in peak form.  Houston, TX (1984) - The Summit.  Gotta love the high wire journey in the garbage can.  Not to mention the freak-out finale.


Great stuff.  But in the meantime, you'll have to settle for my poignant parody of Time after Time.


Slime After Slime
sonofsaf

Starving I need fed, I’m near the fast food dollar menu
Shapes of fake poultry
McNuggets all here for you
Big Macs, large bites
And I’ll have some fries
Disgrace of celery
Slime after

Sometimes it goes through me
You’re shitting, you shat the bed
You're crapping on me, we scat here
Break some bread
Then you say, “latte”
I want Diet Sprite
The cappuccino dies

McDouble, McChicken, and the fish with cheese
Slime after slime
McMuffin, McGriddle, nauseating
Slime after slime
McDouble, McChicken, and the fish with cheese
Slime after slime
McMuffin, McGriddle, so nauseating
Slime after slime

Into the drive thru I order a hot
Fudge sundae
Frothing McFlurry
You're coloring blackish today
Swollen colon you’re grilled and fried (grilled and fried)
And your bum is out of line

McDouble, McChicken, and the fish with cheese
Slime after slime
McMuffin, McGriddle, nauseating
Slime after slime
McDouble, McChicken, and the fish with cheese
Slime after slime
McMuffin, McGriddle, so nauseating
Slime after slime
Slime after slime

I’m gonna embrace the celery as I go out of my mind
Slime after slime
Slime, slime, slime
But you pay for latte I want Diet Sprite
Slime after slime after slime (after slime, oh)


Time after Time
Cyndi Lauper

Lying in my bed, I hear the clock tick and think of you
Caught up in circles
Confusion is nothing new
Flashback, warm nights
Almost left behind
Suitcase of memories
Time after

Sometimes you picture me
I'm walking too far ahead
You're calling to me, I can't hear
What you've said
Then you say, "go slow"
And I fall behind
The second hand unwinds

If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall, I will catch you, I'll be waiting
Time after time
If you're lost, you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall, I will catch you, I will be waiting
Time after time

After my picture fades and darkness has
Turned to gray
Watching through windows
You're wondering if I'm okay
Secrets stolen from deep inside (deep inside)
And the drum beats out of time

If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you, I'll be waiting
Time after time
If you're lost, you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall, I will catch you, I will be waiting
Time after time
Time after time

I've got a suitcase of memories that I almost left behind
Time after time
Time, time, time
But you say to go slow but I fall behind
Time after time after time (after time, oh)

 


 

Cyndi Lauper concert:

8-11-18, PPG Paints Arena, Pittsburgh, PA 

Please do not share this material with McDonald's employees and management,  Cyndi Lauper, Ronald McDonald, and/or Hamburglar.

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