At CPAC tonight, the Orange Prolapse will perform a rectal reemergence and give his first major speech since he incited an insurrection that left 5 dead and 100+ injured. Ex-President Donald Trump spent the last 4 years demonizing women of color. Specifically, female members of Congress. Hurling insults at every conceivable opportunity.
So I believe the time has come to flip the script. But I've spent what seems like an eternity composing derogatory material about Trump. Therefore, I'm going to shift my focus to Senator Rick Scott (R-FL).
 |
| (Senator Rick Scott with an exceptional Bat Boy impression) |
Scott is the one leading the charge against "weaker" establishment Republicans. He heads up the National Republican Senatorial Committee and has made it abundantly clear that his primary mission is to take back the Senate and deliver a resounding defeat to Democratic Senators. He's targeting 4 states in particular: New Hampshire, Nevada, Georgia and Arizona.
I find myself directly opposed to his objective. Therefore, I will regale the Senator with multiple song parodies. Hey, there's plenty of song titles which contain a word that rhymes with "Scott."
Fair warning: This "NOT-Scott" mission could go on for quite a while. First up...
Big Scott
sonofsaf
Well, I’m the new rep for the right wing magazines
Conservative head to my toes
With the O.A. double N not banned
And Fox News for the show
And I’m gonna give you a fair warning
Comes down to the wire
And the lies too muddy for me
We’re gonna try and stop the steal
And take back the Senate for me
Because I had to be a big Scott, didn't I
I had to show up from the South
I had to be a big Scott, didn't I
All the socialists will pout
I had to fuck the last black, dumb white
I know that’s what it’s all about
I have to dig in for the long fight
I have to keep the Senate all white
We were all distressed by the riot mess
And the libtards that I treat with disdain
And the gory details we must address
Keep them all so engaged
Oh, but the next time in November
Gonna raise the dead
And hold all the votes in escrow
Because we need more money
Give them all a real low blow
Yes, yes, I to be a big Scott, didn't I
I want to get votes disallowed
I had to be a big Scott, didn't I
All the Communists will pout
I had to fuck the last black, dumb white
I’ll be coming to your town
I have to give you outrage, alright
I have to keep the Senate all white
Well, if you wanna win then stick your dick right in
Senators wanna throw you a bone
But it was never a crime
I couldn’t be more sublime with a dome
No, no, no, no, no, no, I had to be a big Scott, didn't I
I had to show up from the South
I had to be a big Scott, didn't I
All the socialists will pout
I had to fuck the last black, dumb white
I’ll be coming to your town
I have to dig in for the long fight
I have to keep the Senate all white
Big Scott
Big Scott
Big Scott
Big Scott
Big Scott
Big Scott
Big Shot
Billy Joel
Well, you went uptown riding in your limousine
With your fine Park Avenue clothes
You had the Dom Perignon in your hand
And the spoon up your nose
And when you wake up in the morning
With your head on fire
And your eyes too bloody to see
Go on and cry in your coffee
But don't come bitchin' to me
Because you had to be a big shot, didn't you
You had to open up your mouth
You had to be a big shot, didn't you
All your friends were so knocked out
You had to have the last word, last night
You know what everything's about
You and to have a white hot spotlight
You had to be a big shot last night
They were all impressed with your Halston dress
And the people that you knew at Elaine's
And the story of your latest success
Kept 'em so entertained
Oh, but now you just don't remember
All the things you said
And you're not sure you want to know
I'll give you one hint, honey
You sure did put on a show
Yes, yes, you had to be a big shot, didn't you
You had to prove it to the crowd
You had to be a big shot, didn't you
All your friends were so knocked out
You had to have the last word, last night
So much fun to be around
You had to have the front page, bold type
You had to be a big shot last night
Well, it's no big sin to stick your two cents in
If you know when to leave it alone
But you went over the line
You couldn't see it was time to go home
No, no, no, no, no, no, you had to be a big shot, didn't you
You had to open up your mouth
You had to be a big shot, didn't you
All your friends were so knocked out
You had to have the last word, last night
So much fun to be around
You had to have a white hot spotlight
You had to be a big shot last night
Big shot
Big shot
Big shot
Big shot
Big shot
Big shot
Billy Joel:
3-4-99, Civic Arena, Pittsburgh, PA
2-21-14, Consol Energy Center, Pittsburgh, PA
7-1-16, PNC Park, Pittsburgh, PA
Please do not share this information with Senator Rick Scott (R-FL), former President Donald J. Trump, fans of Bat Boy, Billy Joel, and/or the CPAC faithful.
No comments:
Post a Comment