#62. Chad Wheeler

Speaking of domestic violence (Call Tyreek... Call!), here's another NFL superstar arrested over the weekend.  Offensive Tackle Chad Wheeler of the Seattle Seahawks.  

The Seahawks just decided to let him go.  Hey, maybe he could find employment with the Buick Skyhawks.  During the 1980's my mother drove a Buick Skylark and then bought a Buick Skyhawk.  Both vehicles had one thing in common.  They both sucked.  More breakdowns than the late Tom Petty.  This one time she was getting it inspected at the downtown Wheeling Welty dealership and they replaced a burnt out front headlight.  But the bozos installed the light upside down.  So the front right side beamed into the heavens, not onto the pavement. 

Anyway, just yesterday, he pleaded not guilty to criminal charges of first-degree domestic violence, felony assault and resisting arrest.  Cops deployed a taser but it seemingly had no effect.  With a bond set at 400K, it sounds more like attempted murder.  Suffice it to say, he beat the living shit out of her.

Dedicated to victims of domestic violence. 

Chad Wheeler
sonofsaf

I prey upon domestic fear
I’ll drop you to your knees
You won’t get help from police
Reconstructive surgery
I won’t get caught, you have no will
Never felony
My fists of fury always bombard
Your pussy cat gonna bleed

I'm Chad Wheeler
I will kill you make you die
I'm Chad Wheeler

The Killing Fields not denied
I’ll make you cry and whine
You must be frustrated
I beat you all the time
I wake you up so you cannot rest
Just give me all your love
Fuck you up and break shit
And you will never say Whazzzup

I'm Chad Wheeler
I will kill you make you die
I’m Chad Wheeler

Justice I will circumvent
Will never have a fear
Clenched fists not my pathetic guns
While I fuck you in the rear

Your life is fucking wretched
The agony and strife
I’m your Satanic Verses
Fatwa you will die
Chlamydia infected
I spread diseases make the call
You’ll never sing or dance again
Your misery is all

I'm Chad Wheeler
I will kill you make you die
I'm Chad Wheeler

Fake Healer
Metal Church

I prey upon your morbid fear
Of terminal disease
You won't know the difference
Now it's time for surgery
Another shot, another pill
Two weeks therapy
I take all major credit cards
Your money is what I need

I'm a healer
I will keep you all alive
I'm a healer

A villain at your bedside
Take this and you'll be fine
Severely educated
Just pay your bill on time
I think it's time for another test
I need more of your blood
Sign this affidavit
So my insurance won't go up

I'm a healer
I will keep you all alive
I'm a healer

Research and development
Spend millions every year
You sickly and decrepit ones
Keep my yacht safe on the pier

You're dying on a stretcher
We'll try to save your life
If you can't afford my service
I will let you die
I'm trusted and respected
Says my diploma on the wall
Before I will do anything
I'll give your bank a call

I'm a healer
I will keep you all alive
I'm a healer

Metal Church concerts:

4-18-89, Newport Music Hall, Columbus, OH (one of my all-time favorite openers... Rest in Pieces, April 1, 1912)

3-39-16, Altar Bar, Pittsburgh, PA

The Metal Church logo is just to the right of the light socket (2011).

 

Please do not share this information with Chad Wheeler, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, the Kent Washington police department, Buick owners, Metal Church fans, Salman Rushdie, Fatwa designees, and/or the perpetrators and victims of felonious domestic violence.