During last night's Super Bowl, CBS unveiled some clips of their prime time sitcoms. I looked over at Mason and burst into this sudden, contrived yokel laughter. "What the fuck was that?!" Then reflected... I can't imagine watching a major network sitcom series ever again.
I grew up mainly on a diet of Dallas and Cheers. Then, Seinfeld and Friends (yeah, I'll admit to watching the latter). Then, The Sopranos and The Office. But the current crop of shows just appears so exhaustingly and deliberately boneheaded. It's as if the laugh tracks are juiced on HGH. Difficult to fathom the notion of physically tuning in to any of this crap on a weekly basis.
Anyway, last month I wrote a series of parodies regarding The Office. This one's predicated on the infamous Goodbye Toby scene. Right when the series was at peak performance.
Dedicated to my wife Mason. Great memories of what just might be our "last series." (Sorry about the uncomfortable nature of the song parody. My alternative version is mostly centered around child abduction and sexual exploitation).
Stranger Danger
sonofsaf
There was a cell phone warning yesterday
I’m a hard on and a con
And I really have to say I’m cray
But I need to see your dong
Like a cat without the cattle
Like a dog without a bone
I'm a latex using cover
When I put the condom on
Now I don’t care how much you weigh
As long as yer in yer youth
But I’ll take you to the Milky Way
And show you my sweet tooth
Like some cash without a banker
Like a virus to obtain
Take a ride in my Mercedes
Let it fester in your brain
But there’s a silver lining
Like a brand new suit
I'll dress you up in my love
Your ass I will pollute
Stranger Danger it’s been bad
Hope you find a jail cell bed
Why it me you tried to screw
Hope you get fucked in ass too
Hello pubic, Hello zone
Will we ever shave again
This is loony, all in vein
Groin-a-rooni, don’t complain
Basket lotion (hello pubic)
You’re so puny (hello zone)
Just less commotion (will we ever)
For my pee pee (shave again)
With the calamine lotion (hole embargo)
Stay away (don’t complain)
Yeah the sperm is frozen (groin-a-rooni)
Anyway (don’t complain)
So hello pubic (hello, pubic)
So hello zone (hello, zone)
Will we ever (will we ever)
Shave again (shave again)
Now some are messed and some molest
And some are just not well
And some they’ll stick it down your throat
And some should go to hell
I can taste the cunty flavor
And you’ll shower me with pee
Oh that pussy I’ll inhale her
And I don’t need no weed
But there’s a silver lining
Like a brand new suit
I'll dress you up in my love
Your ass I will pollute
Stranger Danger it’s been bad
Hope you find a jail cell bed
Why it me you tried to screw
Hope you get fucked in ass too
Hello pubic, Hello zone
Will we ever shave again
This is loony, all in vein
Groin-a-rooni, don’t complain
Basket lotion (hello pubic)
You’re so puny (hello zone)
Just less commotion (will we ever)
For my pee pee (shave again)
With the calamine lotion (hole embargo)
Stay away (don’t complain)
Yeah the sperm is frozen (groin-a-rooni)
Anyway (don’t complain)
So now I'm shaving (hello, pubic)
Got the blow (hello, zone)
Hitta blow (Will we ever)
I'll shave it once again (shave again)
Oh, yes, I'm shaving (hole embargo)
Hitta blow (don’t complain)
Hitta blow (groin-a-rooni)
I'm sorry, kiss my ass (don’t complain)
So hello pubic (hello, pubic)
So hello zone (hello, zone)
Will we ever (Will we ever)
Shave again? (Shave again)
Blow and believe it
I've got the blow
Goodbye Stranger
Supertramp
It was an early morning yesterday
I was up before the dawn
And I really have enjoyed my stay
But I must be moving on.
Like a king without a castle
Like a queen without a throne
I'm an early morning lover
And I must be moving on
Now I believe in what you say
Is the undisputed truth
But I have to have things my own way
To keep me in my youth
Like a ship without an anchor
Like a slave without a chain
Just the thought of those sweet ladies
Sends a shiver through my veins
And I will go on shining
Shining like brand new
I'll never look behind me
My troubles will be few
Goodbye stranger it's been nice
Hope you find your paradise
Tried to see your point of view
Hope your dreams will all come true
Goodbye Mary, goodbye Jane
Will we ever meet again
Feel no sorrow, feel no shame
Come tomorrow, feel no pain,
Sweet devotion (Goodby Mary)
It's not for me (Goodbye Jane)
Just give me motion (Will we ever)
To set me free (Meet again)
In the land and the ocean (Feel no sorrow)
Far away (Feel no shame)
It's the life I've chosen (Come tomorrow)
Every day (Feel no pain)
So goodbye Mary (Goodbye, Mary)
So goodbye Jane (Goodbye, Jane)
Will we ever (Will we ever)
Meet again (Meet again)
Now some they do and some they don't
And some you just can't tell
And some they will and some they won't
With some it's just as well
You can laugh at my behaviour
And that'll never bother me
Say the devil is my saviour
But I don't pay no heed
And I will go on shining
Shining like brand new
I'll never look behind me
My troubles will be few
Goodbye, stranger, it's been nice
Hope you find your paradise
Tried to see your point of view
Hope your dreams will all come true
Goodbye Mary, goodbye Jane
Will we ever meet again
Feel no sorrow, feel no shame
Come tomorrow, feel no pain
Sweet devotion (Goodbye, Mary)
It's not for me (Goodbye, Jane)
Just give me motion (Will we ever)
To set me free (Meet again)
In the land and the ocean (Feel no sorrow)
Far away (Feel no shame)
It's the life I've chosen (Come tomorrow)
Every day (Feel no pain)
So now I'm leaving (Goodbye, Mary)
Got to go (Goodbye, Jane)
Hit the road (Will we ever)
I'll say it once again (Meet again)
Oh, yes, I'm leaving (Feel so sorrow)
Got to go (Feel no shame)
Got to go (Come tomorrow)
I'm sorry, I must dash (Feel no pain)
So goodbye Mary (Goodbye, Mary)
So goodbye Jane (Goodbye, Jane)
Will we ever (Will we ever)
Meet again? (Meet again)
Go and believe it
I've got to go
Nothing like a global pandemic to make you analyze your concert bucket list. Roger Hodgson is definitely in my top 5.
Please do not share this information with fans of The Office, fans of Supertramp and/or Roger Hodgson (quite possibly the most underrated songwriter in the entire history of rock'n'roll).
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