The Big Hillary Speech

Tonight's the night.  Hillary Clinton gives her acceptance speech.  The first ever female presidential candidate.  That's some iconic shit!  Sarah Palin's VP spot on the 2008 ticket doesn't quite match up.  Not as epic.

Not sure of the prevailing theme tonight, but I do have a prediction as to her opening lines (content, style, delivery).  I think I might have nailed this one spot-on.  So naturally, I took a moment to jot down this historic, "expectance" speech.


Hillary walks on stage to some melodramatic, hyperbolic display of god-knows-what.

After the applause subsides, I have a hunch that she'll take on a very different persona, an  "irresistibly, self-deprecating" approach.  Obviously because it provides a perfect contrast to Trump the Narcissist.  They've already done a decent job of portraying him as juvenile and obnoxious, and to some extent, mentally unstable.  So how about we finish the job?  Go after him for being "inhuman."

Hillary: "Thank you, Thank you... Thank you" (6x over a generous period of about 83 seconds)

Hillary: "Have you ever heard the expression... "Well, it looks like they saved the best for last"?  Well, it's the end of the last night and...  HERE. I. AM !!! (bold sarcasm)

"Yeah, uh right. (sheepish, sarcastic admission)

"So I guess the time has arrived for Hillary's big speech!" (deliberately use the first person tense).

"Seriously, that's how I'm going to refer to myself from now on.  Just like my opponent.  You know... The Donald!?!?  From this day forth, you can refer to me as... "The Hillary!" (use a demented, wavy voice)

(pan the crowd for a variety of delegates and their hysterical reaction)

Then, have Hillary do her patented cackle laughter.  (additional self-deprecation)

(make her sound extemporaneous)

Hillary: "You know, a lot of people make fun of me for my funny laugh."  Well, don't worry about me."  (reassuringly)  "Trust me, I can take it."  (subtle reminder that she's tough and Trump picks on people with disabilities)

"But ya wanna know something that's not funny???   It's the prospect of a Donald Trump presidency.  (pause) "Because hey, that ain't funny!  

That's just downright terrifying!" (have her intentionally use the Southern colloquial "ain't", not "isn't", while sounding exhausted and appearing exasperated). 

crowd is guaranteed to go nuts

"So yes, I have a big speech to give!"

"But seriously, how on earth am I supposed to compete with our first lady Michelle Obama's speech???" (mention something about Sasha and Malia playing with their dog on the White House lawn).

deafening applause

"And what about last night, uh, her husband... our President of the Untied States of America???  Barack Obama?"  (more applause, continue to push the inclusive unity theme)  Divulge a secret campaign story from their 2008 rivalry.

"And what about my friends Jill and Joe?   You wanna know some people who have a clue?"  (a reference to when Biden said that Trump doesn't have a clue)  Well, I'll tell ya who has clue!  (Wait 5 seconds)  Them!

(applause continues)

"But you wanna know someone who doesn't have a clue?  Well, I'll give you a hint.  His last name rhymes with dump.  We'll say it on three.  One... two... three...  

crowd screams TRUMPPPP (gives the crowd some token involvement)

(calmly) "Trust me Donald... I'm sure you'll tweet about it tomorrow... but THAT WASN'T AN ENDORSEMENT.  (loud Hillary voice)

crowd goes nuts again

"And how about Bill?"

"Let's just say... that in the summer of 1971... I met a boy."  then have her divulge some "secret" that is only known between the two of them... maybe a comical story about Chelsea as a baby.  (everyone loves a baby story)  And show Bill's disbelief and incredulity that she would bring up something so private in front 50 million viewers). 

"And that leads me to my daughter Chelsea and my darling son-in-law (whatever his name is) and our wonderful grandkids X and Y.  I just love you all so much.  And I'm just so proud of the woman you've become."  (if she can force a tear... that would be gold).     

Generous pause.  (show repeated clips of the family and a few heavy hitters in the audience)

"And what about Senator Bernie Sanders from the Green Mountain State of Vermont?!?!? (say something about the heated campaign, but how they share the same vision.  How they're both willing to fight for what's right).

"And what about Senators Corey Booker and Elizabeth Warren?  And what Gabby?"  Rattle off a few of the other names of previous dynamic speakers and what led them to the podium.  Especially if they brought the house down.  Stuff like the woman whose only gay son was killed in the Orlando club massacre.   Then you focus on the NRA.  Get the gist?  Can you gather the inference? 

This is how I'd segue-way into a strong policy speech.  Reference the speakers who emotionally moved the audience from the previous 3 nights.  Remind the crowd of those specific, memorable moments.  Speak vicariously through their experiences.  This helps soften the level of unreasonably high expectations.  Also gives Bernie super-fans less incentive to interrupt.  And it's also a continual reminder that the Dems are the party of inclusion.  They're the love party... not the hate party.

Go heavy into a string of policy driven statements and initiatives.  Outline the next 4 years of a Hillary administration... as opposed to the reactionary Trump and his carnival barking.  But don't totally make it about Hillary vs. Trump --- her vs. him.  Don't make it a personality war.  Stick to your bread and butter.  Experience.  Temperament.  Strength.  Judgement.  Offer specific proposals and major priorities for the future... instead of vague rhetoric and infantile trash talk.

Close it with a "My name is Hillary... and granted... my slogan might be 'I'm with her'... but America... lemme tell ya something America. "I'M WITH YOU!!!  AND I WILL ALWAYS FIGHT FOR YOU!!!"  AND I WILL ALWAYS FIGHT FOR OUR CHILDREN AND THEIR FUTURE!!!  (cue that infinitely repetitive "this is my fight song, take back my life song"). 

Everyone floods the stage to embrace Hillary and her bosomy resolve.

So there ya go.  That's the general gist of my Hillary "expectance" speech.  Curious to see if I'm that far off.