Saturday, December 26, 2015

Top 10 Reasons Trump Might Get Whacked

As much as I despise that egomaniac, I do find Donald Trump to be somewhat of an iconic figure.  Probably because I admire his desire to shake up the system.  Something that's terribly needed in this era of political expediency, predictability and mediocrity.  A far cry from they way things used to be.

Anybody who runs for the presidency requires some degree of narcissism.  In all honesty, it should almost be a requirement for the highest office in the land.  Of course, Trump's smug, discombobulated arrogance takes it to a an entirely new level.  One of epic, unfathomable proportions. 

So before Carnie Wilson launches her North American Geico Insurance tour or the big pharma/Pfizer pharmaceutical weight loss tour (fat lady sings reference), here's why I think Trump might end up dead... possibly with a bullet to the head.

1.  The good 'ol U.S. of A has a long history of political assassinations.  I won't bore you with the litany of corpses.  Let's just say it extends beyond those who hold office.  This grim reality even applies to those who seek office.  To quote that shitty Nicklebacking Creedish song... it's been a while.  It just seems like we're long overdue for a shocking, politically inspired death... don't cha think?  And I can assure you, it ain't gonna be George Pataki.

2.  Trump just had the finest medical doctor in all the land proclaim that if elected, "he would be the most physically fit, healthiest president in the history of our country."  I find it a bit odd that Trump could even locate or manufacture a med school graduate who'd be willing to say something so absurd.  Seriously, what about JFK?  Obama seemed pretty fit when he took office.  Even George Bush was in decent shape except for when he almost died from choking on a pretzel.  I'll willingly concede that Trump's in better shape than a hefty Taft or the frailest of them all, William Henry Harrison (he died in thirty days).  But is he the greatest presidential specimen of all time?  I doubt it.   Does this have anything to do with a potential case of regicide?  Not really.  Just thought it was amusingly weak.

3.  Bullying and insults can come back to haunt you.  In life, there are certain equalizers.  A hit of acid can turn a 350 lb. offensive lineman into a whining baby or a sniveling coward.  Contrarily, a bullet to the head has the same effect on a Navy Seal or an Olympic athlete.  Universal laws apply to everyone... except the cops.  Trump is not immune.  He might just piss off the wrong person at the wrong time.  Even Trump planes and helicopters, elevators and escalators are prone to mechanical failure.  It might not be a customary hit.

3.  When your appeal is highlighted by low income, Southern white Republican voters, it might eventually come back to bite you in the ass.  This particular fan base is NOT receptive to betrayal.  For example, if Trump took an actual policy position on something specific, say... restricting gun purchases for those on the DO NOT FLY list.  Well, it might seem like a sensible position to him, but to the legions of varmint hunters who gotta go kill Bambi at any cost whatsoever... well, maybe not.  The NRA is a lot like Anonymous.  They do not forgive.  They do not forget.  They'd probably be able to convince a markswoman of Sarah Palin's stature to "off" Trump.  If she was unwilling to commit, maybe they could ask Bristol's new baby girl "Sailor."  Seriously, I was hoping she might name the kid "Driver" or "Pilot."

Reminds me of the time I convinced this girl from Bellaire to name her newborn baby girl "Chlamydia."  Ohhh, that sweet uncorrupted immaculate virgin birth. 

4.  What if someone's out there who fancies himself as an astute political observer or future historical operative (based on watching Fox News 24/7 of course)?  Based on Rupert Murdoch-guided, scientific polling of the highest standards, somebody might get the impression that Cruz or Rubio would stand a better chance against Hillary... and take matters into their own hands.

These days, in the past few decades, it's become pretty reasonable to assume that if you attain the presidency, you could be in there for 8 years, not just 4.  That's grounded in recent historical precedent --- Reagan, Clinton, Bush, Obama.  Eight years of Hillary and her "disgusting lies" about the most critical issues of our time (Benghazi and the email server) might just be too much for someone to take.  It might push them over the edge.  After all, it's like killing baby Hitler.  You'd be doing humanity a favor. 

5.  Trumps finds himself in some pretty unusual physical locations.  All these massive crowds and gatherings of the finest people.  They're all huge.  So many wonderful admirers who care about great things.  Important problems that call for big solutions.  These are tough times that demand strong leaders.  Maybe I should consider writing with that style of adjectivial alliteration.  On second thought, it probably wouldn't suit me.

Now those throngs of trained minions might make for good photo-ops on television, but it's also more difficult to secure the perimeters.  And all of these really smart people seem to have one thing in common.  All Christian, all white, all conservative, all devout, all outspoken, all patriots.  If it's strictly a numbers game, I'm going to bet that eventually, one of these principled followers might crack.  Percentages don't bode well for political absolutists who engage in continual ad hominem attacks and vitriolic harangues. I'm sure the Secret Service would vouch for me on this one.

6.  Speaking of the Secret Service, lately they've been spreading themselves pretty thin.  I hear they're in the critical final planning stages, configuring the details of how best to protect Chelsea Clinton's newest fetus.  It's called Operation G-Kid.  Not too mention the Reagan kids, the Bush girls and others.  It's a pretty extensive list that just keeps on growing.  Meanwhile, the whole organization is mired in all kinds of weird scandals (the prostitution busts in Columbia, the multiple deranged characters who've jumped the fence at the White House, some agent is always hooked on dope or being bribed, more death threats on social media than one could possibly comprehend, etc.).  Their director Julia Pearson?  Didn't she just resign a couple months ago?  What happens when there's no figurehead to push Congress for those much needed extra billions?  Newsflash:  They don't get the requisite funding.  The money gets redirected to more noble causes --- Boeing, fracking, caring (for Dick Cheney's chronic heart condition, of course).

7.  Karma's a bitch.  What comes around, goes around.  Eventually, one of these illegal immigrants shows up.  You know, one of the Mexican rapists or murderous criminals.  They smoke drugs, commit acts of thievery and intentionally impregnate teenage girls to secure Obamacare and birthright citizenship.  Perhaps just one of these illegal millions on the cusp of deportation will feel like they got nothing left to lose.  Fuck!  It's Texas, Mexico, Texaco or bust.  Not the most palatable of choices.

Maybe it's one of those barbaric Muslims who chop off the heads of defenseless Christians.  Maybe, just maybe, someone with an allegiance to the caliphate takes offense to the United States bombing the "shit out of them."  Hey, it turns out that social media is the "biggest" recruiting tool of them all.  Our bombing raids, military bases and rampant imperialistic endeavors have nothing to do with why "they hate us."

And not only must we figure out a way to take our country back, we also need to take OUR internet back.  Because the internet is ours.  It belongs to all of us here in the United States.  Well, except for Al Gore.  He's a stupid loser who lost to Bush.  If only Gore had surrounded himself with smarter people, he would have won.  Gore couldn't even win his home state of Tennessee.  What an idiot!  Instead, we got Bush and he ended up giving us Iraq.  See!  Foreign policy isn't that hard to understand. The outcomes are akin to a reality tv game show.

8. Along that same line of reasoning, extreme stances on issues with no room for intellectual debate or compromise could come back to haunt you.  When you embrace that kind of nationalistic populism (like most fascist leaders --- Hitler, Mussolini, etc.) it's fraught with backlash. Quite simply, you become the face of every problem.  YOU physically become the target.  Much like a deer in headlights at the Oglebay Festival of Shite.

There's a little "unspeakable" irony here.  Trump, who continually claims that everyone loves him (an unattainable position for ANY high profile politician... might just find out the hard way... that somebody actually hated his guts).  Hell, it's the same reason people hate me.

9.  Trump likes to flaunt himself as the greatest, the smartest, the boldest, the most important, the most feared, the most respected.  Historically speaking, those who commit political assassinations also see themselves as "larger than life."  What better a way to achieve that 15 minutes of fame... which would likely extend far beyond the obligatory 15 minutes as they would logically portray themselves as having altered the course of the country... if not the trajectory of humanity.  

10.  How about all that extemporaneous speaking?  Personally, I find it refreshing.  It's his one redeeming quality.  But eventually, something bad slips out.  Even worse than what slipped out during Hillary's bathroom break!  Now if you're The Donald, a deity with the sculpted mane of a Greek god like Zeus or Thor or whatever, you don't EVER walk things back.  If anything, when you say something particularly obnoxious, you just double down and fully commit.  You dig an even deeper hole.  It's his bizarre brand of presidential infallibility.  It's even more resolute than Catholic papal doctrine.  This might play well to a base of zealot extremists, but not the vast majority of moderate voters who realize the world is a complex place with shades of nuance on just about every issue.

*** BONE-US for Extra Credit ***  Most important, Trump's pissing off all these establishment people behind the scenes who benefit from maintaining their stranglehold with the 2 party political system.  The candidates running for office aren't the only people who've got a say in how things work.  I honestly don't think he realizes this.  He lives in this gold-plated vacuum with a diamond encrusted handle.  Sucking up all that grime and filth, not to mention naivete and ignorance.

It makes me wonder, what if Trump got the nomination but felt he was getting a "raw deal."  And then abandoned the Republican party?  He decided that everyone was just too stupid and inept and they were sinking his campaign.  Maybe a dash of paranoia --- Reince Preibus is actively trying to ruin my chance at the presidency... because he doesn't like me.  Such a publicity seeking stunt would appeal to his bipolar, twisted sense of urgency.  Plus, it's the perfect plan when he needs to bail.  That's if he finds himself losing out which I suspect would happen in a head-on match-up against Hillary (she'd win ALL 50 states).  In fact, I think it's exactly what would occur.  His ego would never allow for an honorable Romney-esque defeat.  It's just not how he thinks.  And it's definitely not how he acts.  Can anyone on this earth even fathom the concept of a Trump concession speech?  How would that go?  I should have won but the voters were just too stupid.  I hope you all go broke and your children starve to death.

All I'm sayin' is this.  If you make a deliberate, conscious decision to disrupt the powers that be... I don't care of you're a DemoCRIPP or a ReBLOODlican, bad things just seem to happen.  Our system can only handle so much antagonistic shit before the system itself retaliates.

The problem with Trump is that he'd never go quietly.  He'd seemingly take everyone down with him.   A blame game of immeasurable consequence.  Trust me, I don't envision Trump devoted to the notion of Omerta or even some lesser code of fiscal silence.

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