#1632. Gardner Minshew

What more can be said about Philly's backup QB Gardener Minshew?

Fuckin' Gardner.  Yep, Feech pretty much sums it up.

 

 

Minshew has been subbing in for star quarterback Jalen Hurts.  Naturally, Hurts is hurt.  The Eagles are currently +550 to win the Super Bowl.

As of right now, Tampa Bay could go 8-9 and still win the NFC North.  And the Tennessee Titans could win the AFC South at 8-9.  If your team wins the division with a losing record, and their facing a wildcard team, like say for instance Dallas, with a winning record of 13-4 or 12-5... they should lose their home playoff game.  Why would the NFL wish to financially reward mediocre performance.

Merely winning your division shouldn't necessarily guarantee a home playoff game.  Especially if your division sucks.  At least that's my take.  The NFL should also ditch the concept of a "bye week" altogether.  The bye week effectively steals your organization's potential to maximize revenue.  And why would the NFL want to rob its fans of an extra home playoff game?

Gardner Minshew
sonofsaf

Gardner Minshew, c’mon man beat the spread
Oh, Gardner Minshew, the playoffs are ahead
Philadelphia freedom is magic
Jalen Hurts took a fall
Your owner Jeff Lurie is tragic
Yeah, he’s hated by one and all

Pigskin farming, bacon is not kosher
Always stiff arming, quarter back is a whore
The Eagles are filled up with hatred
Unlike a virgin birth
Offensive play calling’s top secret
Doesn’t matter for what it’s worth

Gardner Minshew, you’re a back up of course
Gardner Minshew, playoff loser’s remorse
The gambling and crime is fantastic
Wagering on football
The gambling and crime of a Butkus (butt kiss)
Shitting from your ass toilet stall

Handlebar mustache is bent
Roger Goodell should repent
Roger Goodell, Roger Goodell should repent, yeah

 

 

Mr. Crowley
Ozzy Osbourne

Mr. Crowley, what went on in your head?
Oh, Mr. Crowley, did you talk to the dead?
Your life style to me seemed so tragic
With the thrill of it all
You fooled all the people with magic
Yeah, you waited on Satan's call

Mr. Charming, did you think you were pure?
Mr. Alarming, in nocturnal rapport
Uncovering things that were sacred
Manifest on this Earth
Conceived in the eye of a secret
And they scattered the afterbirth

Mr. Crowley, won't you ride my white horse?
Mr. Crowley, it's symbolic, of course
Approaching a time that is classic
I hear that maidens call
Approaching a time that is drastic
Standing with their backs to the wall

Was it polemically sent
l want to know what you meant
I want to know, I want to know what you meant, yeah

 

From 1981 to 2010, Ozzy played the Burgh a grand total of 15 times.  Never seen him.

However, I have written a few parodies of Mr. Crowley.  Great song.  Very anthemic.

#1065.  Adam Crowley (Pittsburgh sports personality)

#1511.  Clarence Thomas (Supreme Court Justice personality)

#1632.  Gardner Minshew (back up NFL QB personality)

Buffalo Bills Safety Damar Hamlin collapsed on the field last night and went into cardiac arrest.  The game was "postponed."  With so much on the line, I'm curious to see how Roger Goodell fixes this one.  My best guess would be a hastily scheduled Thursday night game. 

Please do not share this material with Roger Goodell and/or Gardner Minshew.