Sunday, December 21, 2008


There's always a late surge of holiday shopping around this time, so here is a list of products and services I heartily endorse...

Crest Pro-Health Mouthwash (Refreshing clean mint) - Make sure to get the blue colored, not the green crap. Manufactured and distributed by Proctor & Gamble. They're headquartered in..... Cincinnati, Ohio.

Grandpa's Oven Santa Fe Snack Mix - This stuff is totally hidden on the bottom shelf of Walmart in the snack aisle. You've really got to keep your eyes open or you'll never find it. Very spicy for an over-the-counter snack mix.

Kit & Kaboodle Original Medley cat food - Meowee loves this stuff and I can't stand the smell of canned animal food. The worst is that Mighty Dog shit - all varieties.

Exxon gasoline - I just don't trust the Kroger brand gas even though it might be the same. I don't like the idea of getting gas at Sheetz either (local ownership issues). Although I do love the fact that it's a total eyesore for the church across the street. This area could really use a high end Chevron, not that cruddy one near Rayland.

Don Lucianno Cabernet Sauvignon - This is, hands down, the best cheap wine I've ever come across. $3.76 a bottle at Walmart. Their merlot is good too. Far superior to the $2.99 Oak winery procucts. All those "oak" wines are all the fucking same - they just change the label. Red Oaks, Trinity Oaks, Five Oaks, Oak Glen, Oak Ass, Oak-kay.

Sierra Nevada Chileno Peppers - My compliments to Uncle Ben for turning me onto this stuff. These are the best peppers I've ever eaten. Not found locally so you've got to get them off the website ( Order them on your own. I put in an order with Ben and it took 3 months and even worse, he claimed several times I never paid for them. An exceptional degree of spice - you get the perfect variety of zing but not enough to cause heartburn which brings us to the ultimate over-the-counter miracle drug...

... which is Prilosec. I use to have insane heartburn. I'd pop an absurd amount of Rolaids back in my hey-day (sp?). I think it's even healed my corroded esophageal lining. F to the mother fuckin' A! Spend the extra dollar and get the name brand stuff, not the Equate/generic Omeprazole. There really is a difference.

Canada Dry Ginger Ale - Schweppes is a decent substitute. Do not buy Seagrams and under no circumstance whatsoever purchase the Varner's crap. Disgusting.

Cascade 2in1 Action Pacs with the power of DAWN (any scent is good, but I've recently gone with Cirtrs Breeze) - These little dishwashing pouches have revolutionized the dish cleansing process. Anybody who uses those large containers of dishwashing fluid is a complete fucking idiot. It's time to step into the 90's. Jenn D. gets all the credit for showing me the way.

Brummel and Brown - Kudos to Lee Stalnaker/Roberts. She told me to try it and my life was altered. Inevitably, irrevocably altered. There was a time in the early 90's where I used Parkay. I could still go back, but it would be a difficult transition.

Top Flite XL - I've never played well with anything Titliest. I love Slazenger but can't ever seem to find them. When golfers say the word "Noodle," I get mildly annoyed.

Walmart brand Ruby Red Grapefruit juice - This is the best juice on the market and it's attractively priced at $2.00. I'll never understand why anyone would pay extra for Ocean Spray which, aside from being overpriced, is way too fucking sweet.

Starbucks Columbian brand (medium) - Always a safe choice. Do not serve me any of that mocha or spiced faggot coffee whipped cream shit. I'm not of those emo coffee drinking fucks. I drink my coffee black. No half'n'half, no sugar, no mint, nothing.

Dove soap - These people really know how to make a great bar of soap. Not positive, but I assume it's another P&G product. My father is a retired dermatologist so this is of extra importance. Neutragena products SUCK. They leave you feeling sticky and slightly despondent. It feels like you were a car that just got poorly waxed.

Mrs. Grass chicken noodle soup - the best of the chicken soup powdered ilk. Great hangover product because of the respectable salt concentration. If I'm going the canned route - it's all about Progresso Zesty Chicken Gumbo. Either way, you're a winner.

Coke - Never get it in a plastic bottle. Hard to fathom why, but Coke in a can just tastes better.

I'd also like to recommend the low fat versions of Hillshire Farms Polska Kielbasa and, Marzetti's Light Ranch Dip. Once again, one of those oddities. The regular, more fattening versions, just aren't as tasty.

Alright, I must go to the 19th Ho to watch the second half of the Steelers/Titans game.

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