Gigi and I hit the Steelers/Eagles preseason game last night. In typical fashion, we caught some Maury Povich paternity testing at 5pm. I was a little disappointed with Murree. Although it was a repeat, about half the results would be delayed until the following day. This is a game of pure Povich brinkmanship. He's trying to build you to the height of ecstasy and then magically carry you into to the weekend on some kind of "YOU ARE NOT ready for the weekend" bit. Yeah, I get it.
Gig has noticed that many of the larger women seem to wear an abundance of shiny clothes. Anything florescent or "housedressish" seems to be the wardrobe of choice. Hey, what better way to accentuate the curves on a 287 pounder. Ensconce her in a lime green moo moo! We surmised that Big Lots must have entered the fashion fray. What better way to introduce your line of apparel than teaming up with MoPo Productions. Think of it as the refurbished clothing business. For it is Maury who makes dreams come true. Whether it's putting morbidly obese babies on crash diets or transforming that nerdish high school girl into a famous porn star. Maury does it all. He's the Genghis Khan of daytime drama.
So we zipped down to the stadium. Weather was perfect, tailgating was semi-inspired. Of course it's only preseason, but it was the Eagles in town. I was expecting a little more hoopla and chicanery, but I'm always a little giddy around the stadium. Go figure. So we took our usual position. Standing on the bench outside Gate A. There were a few people with extras. Most wanted some compensation though and were willing to dine on expensive cardboard. Hey, you gotta eat it! Right?
We eventually snagged 2 freebies, but then decided to sell them for $20 a piece. Now it's about 7:45 (game starts at 8pm) and we don't have any tickets. But Gig came through and scored another 2. Kewl. As I'm finishing my wine, a couple in their 60's asks us if we have any tickets. They're allegedly in town from Charlotte and want to check out the action. They seemed pleasant, so we mutually decide to sell them for just another $40. Should have asked for way more as this couple seemed like wealthy pigeons, but I'm getting really soft in my old age. They seemed highly appreciative so we took the transaction as a gesture of good karma.
But now it's gametime and we don't have any tickets. Sure enough, Gig scores another freebie. I can't seem to get a break. Then the weirdest thing happened. This black guy asked us if we want to trade 2 for 1. I don't get it. Why would he want to give us 2 for 1? He explained his date backed out and he overheard our dilemma. How fucking cool is that? He didn't care about the seat - he just wanted to help us out. And I thought he had a scalping agenda... my WV heritage showing its true colors I suppose.
So we thank him and head in. The minute we walk through the entrance, Gig spots some money lying on the ground. She snatches it up. Ka-Plow! It's a $5.00 bill just lying there. Now we're up a grand total of $85.00 with a minimal expenditure of effort. But then, this father and his 10 year old son walk over and ask us if they have seen any money lying on the ground, "My son just lost some money!" Gig and I awkwardly freeze up for a second. Gig was just about to produce the cash and the two of them start laughing. "We saw you snag the cash off the ground. We're just messing with you!" was his reply. Then, we all busted out laughing. He was pretty convincing.
So we walked around the stadium and settled on some seats near the goal line in the corner level of the East end zone. The couple next to us was from Mt. Lebanon. The guy was originally from Belfast and had a super-thick Irish accent. He looked at me and said, "Ya can't sit here Boyo." I assumed that the seats were taken but he was actually referring to the Liverpool jersey I was wearing. The guy was just ripping on my attire. Apparently, he was a Manchester United fan. All in all, it was a pretty animated section with some 8 yr. old kid giving everyone in sight "Karate Kid (Part III) neck-chopping" massages throughout the second quarter.
We escalated up to the 500 level for the second half and ran into Bob and Missy T. They mentioned the doubleheader in Cincy in November. WVU at Cincy on Saturday / Steelers at Bungles on Sunday. Not a bad idea. I think I'll make a determination based more on the weather at crunchtime. Not as if I'd ever buy tix in advance anyway. Great concept though. I've never been to either stadium. When I think of people who know "how to roll" in Cincy, it's always about Dunkle aka The Wolf.
We left early in the 3rd period. Steelers looked good. Philly looked like my neighbor Fuckface... a pile of shit. On the way out, I found a dollar bill lying on the ground. I was in ecstasy. That brought our total winnings to $86.00. Well, minus $8.00 for a Coors Light. So I guess it was a grand total of $78.00. And we snagged an army green nap sack on the way out. We found it amidst a pile of confiscated bags.
When we got back home, Gig threw the live feed up on the computer. At the end of the game, Heinz Field was still rocking. Yep, I'd say there were a total of 1,378 out of 65,050. I'm going to check what the real attendance actually was. I'm guessing it was 61,600.
All in all, a fun night. Fortunately this game wasn't well-suited for an A.G.S.
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WAY OFF on the attendance prediction: 55,189. I've never felt so humiliated.
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