Saturday, October 08, 2011

how to destroy the Mitt Romney campaign

I couldn't help but notice the comments from Robert Jeffress, a Dallas, Texas mega-church Baptist pastor (what a great title) who introduced Rick Perry at some kind of Values Voters summit.  He basically said that "real" Christians shouldn't vote for Romney because Mormons, and the Church of Latter Day Saints, are a cult.  Thank god we have an intellectual authority who can make these critical distinctions about what constitutes a religious cult.  This way, nonbelievers like myself, can make better, more informed decisions.

Obviously, this crap sells for mainstream news these days.  I suspect that Perry's handlers needed something to deflect from the N*ggerhead scandal which I must say was absolutely devastating.  So they fought back with the most obvious choice (anti-Christian silliness) designed to appeal to low-brow Republican primary voters in Iowa and South Carolina.  Will it help Perry?  Probably.  But seriously, how fucking uninspired and lacking in creativity.  

Anyhoo, I thought of a killer way to destroy the Romney campaign.  Here's what you do.  You secretly organize and mobilize a team of about 40 racially mixed individuals.  Complete ethnic diversity across the board should be your focus.  You assemble them in Iowa on a plush Anderson tour bus.   You then have this group "popping up" at every Mitt Romney campaign stop throughout Iowa.  Then you get some video footage of this group from a bunch of different cities (Davenport, Sioux City, Iowa City, etc.).  Then you go for the kill.  You release the you-tube like excerpts to Fox News.  Ka-Splat!  That's the sound of Mitt going to shit.  Literally and figuratively.

Fox announcers would go off.  Who are these people?  Why are they at EVERY Mitt Romney campaign stop.  For the love of Christ (the latter day Saint one), Romney's campaign is literally "busing" people in.  These people are plants because Romney can't draw a crowd.  So he's doing what he does best - he's hiring actors to feign support.  This would be a vicious deathblow.  Even if you manage to expose it as a stunt, the damage is still done.  Any attention to this matter is still negative press because it makes Romney look like a sinister phony.  Especially in this current "hostile to mainstream politician" climate.

Just make sure the group really stands out.  So it looks very non-Iowan.  The more over-the-top, the better.  Definitely a yarmulke and a turban, a few Asians and blacks.  Hell, maybe even throw in a disaffected Amish.  They're in the news these days with the beard-cutting revenge plots.  You could even assemble some "secretly filmed" footage from a rest stop.  Maybe have them all doing stretching exercises.  After all, they've spent so much time on the bus, they're really sore.  That would be comical.  They're all in a straight line touching their toes or doing jumping jacks.   It would be the lasting image - one of those iconic political recollections.  Just like Gary Hart with the Monkey Business boat.  Or Michael Dukakis wearing that helmet, riding around in an army tank.

Far be it from me to help Rick Perry though.  Rick makes me... sick.  I just like the idea of utter chaos in the Republican primary.  Seriously, wouldn't it be cool to see their nominating process go all the way to the actual convention.  The Republican presidential primary has always been more of a coronation of sorts.  It would be very cool to see the lunatic right-wing fringe elements get down and dirty.  They would all be looking for innovative ways to out-right each other.  And that's just not right. 

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