Friday, July 10, 2020
The Golden Trumpet
Well, well, well… it appears as though Trumpy’s chances for reelection are dwindling. Insert back to back HALLELUJAH Fallujahs & HUZZAH guffaws. This coming from your friendly neighborhood hillbilly atheist Jew.
Though it got me to thinking. If I was the orange prolapse, what exactly would I do? He seems content with simply following the maximum chaos, scorched earth strategy. Do anything and everything to wreak havoc and turn back the clock on the former 8 years of Obama/Biden accomplishments. File lawsuits and litigation, complain and threaten, bitch and tweet, whine and pout.
However, my bigger hunch is that Trump is trying to foment a civil war. Not necessarily resulting in mass killing (although I doubt he'd give a shit). But I definitely think he'd settle for an uptick in protests, widespread looting and rioting. This way, he can assert his authority and call in the police, DHS, National Guard, military… anything to launch counterattacks and quell the mobs. Likely taking it to the brink and then calling for martial law, and if possible, a delay in the election.
It all follows the narrative that Biden is soft on crime. And if he gets elected, you can expect 4 years of absolute chaos in the streets. Theft, rape, murder. Furthermore, Biden will defund the police and align himself with the domestic terrorists (anarchists, Antifa, Black Lives Matter and the extreme, radical left). This whole political scenario strikes me as insanely obvious. Why? Because it’s playing out as we speak.
Trump strong. Biden weak. Trump smart. Biden dumb. Trump focused. Biden oblivious. Trump brave. Biden coward.
Not the most sophisticated strategy. But then again, it’s Trump. What the hell do you expect? As far as Trump goes, it's his only viable option. Double down on hate and division, while simultaneously propping up his base. Once again, please allow me to state the obvious. This is his only realistic gambit. Trump’s not gonna suddenly have some kumbaya moment where he suddenly expands his base and tries to unite the country.
Even better, just claim mass voter fraud and challenge the authenticity of the election results. Oh yeah, already laying the groundwork for that one too.
But I think Trump needs something more. And for the most part, I think he knows this as well. Something “great” and “big” and "special" for the final stretch (September > October).
So what’s he gonna do? Talk policy? Uh no. Host more press conferences and grant interviews? Uh doubtful. Start a new war of some kind? An isolated military confrontation with Iran? Maybe a cyber cold war with China? Always a lingering possibility. Now he might take unilateral action and declare total victory after 19 long years and withdraw ALL troops from Afghanistan. But that’s just a hunch of mine. And it's only if he is in absolute desperation mode. Regardless, it would be more of an attempt to salvage his perceived legacy.
As of the last campaign quarter, Trump had raised nearly a billion dollars. Now Biden is currently up around the 550 million mark. Keep in mind, Trump had a pretty big fund raising head start. Regardless, I’m pretty sure that both campaigns will surpass the billion dollar mark. Trump easily. Biden probably.
But this presidential campaign’s not really about the money. Sure, more money and tv saturation doesn't hurt. However, the 2020 cycle is all gonna be about the insults, the lies, the fake news, the media… the DRAMA.
Stormy Daniels? Yeah, been there done that. Trump University? Seriously, what the fuck was that? Trump Vodka? Well, at least it doesn’t look tacky.
I will say one thing though. Trump really puts the teat in teetotaler.
Trump’s taxes? Yep, still under eternal audit. What about the bankrupted casinos? For the love of gamblers anonymous!
So what about the issues? The economy, unemployment, stock market, Coronavirus, inflation, immigration, cybersecurity, abortion, guns...
My take — Trump would be best advised to eschew ALL the normal issues and make a full-throttle return to his old stomping grounds… REALITY TELEVISION. Combined with a consistent, heavy barrage of deep fakes, tweetstorm propaganda, social media idiocy, and so on and so forth. But he needs to go back to his bread and butter… reality television.
Trump must shift the conversation away from just about everything. He needs to find a way to significantly alter the media coverage and avoid conventional political narratives. And most importantly... Change. The. Subject.
Now his only major success, the Celebrity Apprentice TV show, seems like ages ago. But maybe, just maybe, he could resurrect that whole bit. After all, Celebrity Apprentice was a resounding success. Seriously, who could ever forget the Meatloaf vs. Gary Busey near fisticuffs. Don’t do it Meat! Good thing Brooks and/or Dunn stepped in.
So here’s my 2-pronged strategy for helping out Orange Fanta POS.
First off, he needs a ground strategy. Let’s call it Operation Circus Peanut. Why? Because he’s a sugar-laden clown. And he bears a striking resemblance to those beloved senior citizen candies w/ a bent dash of Peyronie’s disease.
Trump should simply ask his most rabid supporters for their help. I need my people to step up! Patriotic Americans, President Trump is calling on you, asking you to head to the busiest intersections in your hometown. Big cities and small towns throughout the country. And proudly hold up either of these two straightforward signs.
The intention here is to purely escalate tension and infuriate passer-byers. Thank Donald Trump?! Thank him for fucking what?!
The “thank you” should be in blue, as if to imply that the person holding the sign might even be a converted Democrat. And of course, it never hurts to wave the flag.
But here’s the clincher. Trump makes a grand announcement at the RNC in late August. “We are launching the “GOLDEN TRUMPET Victory Campaign” in all 50 states. A $1,000,000 winner from each state. President Trump wishes to personally thank his most ardent and loyal supporters. Fifty sign holders will be randomly spotted on the streets, selected throughout the entire country, and bestowed with a “GOLDEN TRUMPET”… along with an invitation to the Oval Office. Think in terms of the American Idol auditions w/ a hint of Willy Wonka (strictly for you old timey chocoholics).
Shoot video of each state, each city, name of the person and their profession. Make sure to mix up all the winners: black, white, Asian, Native American, LGBTQ, physically challenged, token freckled pale male ginger in a wifebeater, etc. Doctor, lawyer, teacher, bus driver, janitor, etc. This has viral mayhem potential. It’s all about the ecstasy of learning you just became an instant millionaire. There's a reason that the tv show "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" was such a big hit. It's because everyone wants to be a millionaire. Makes sense. Now it might be pure Trumpian nonsense. But it would effectively mobilize the "Trump Army," drastically change the narrative and suck every last gasp of oxygen from the room. Did you see the wild celebratory antics of housewife Suzanne Griffith from Bartlesville, Oklahoma? What about the shenanigans of that dentist Marty Benson in Rhode Island? Each day, you run a new commercial and throw it up on his twitter feed.
Hold a grand ceremony in late October with all 50 winners. To redeem your million bucks, you must simply step forward in front of Trump and make some celebratory noise on your Golden Trumpet. And then he hands you the check. He could even autograph each individual trumpet. Maybe encourage people to sell 'em on ebay and donate the proceeds to charity. Yep, just like the Celebrity Apprentice theme.
Whatever the case, Trump desperately needs to devise an unorthodox strategy to "steal the show" in 2020. The Golden Trumpet effectively and sustainably accomplishes that task.
And yeah... I know, I know. It’s 50 million dollars! Who’s going to pay for all of this? Certainly not our billionaire president. Vladmir Putin's net worth is estimated around 200 billion. Quite certain he'd chip in. Hell, I’d say just funnel the requisite funding from the RNC and their spam email donation request operation. My inbox gets about 10 of those per day. Considering the stakes and the big picture, 50 mil is a drop in the bucket anyway. Maybe even post-date the checks and condition them NOT bouncing upon a Trump victory. Now THAT would take balls. Or in this case...