Wednesday, May 22, 2013
poly-spam or polyspam
I still get a slew of emails from Barack Obama and his team. I even get the occasional one from Mitt Romney. Maybe it's just me, but could there be anything worse than a guy worth about a half billion asking you to make a $10 donation to the remnants of his political campaign? Political spam is an art form in its own right.
But lately, my sonofsaf blog has been on the receiving end of what I originally thought was "low-end" spam. I get a lot of these annoyingly bizarre, broken-English, declarative statements. The first time you read them, you're likely to think they're just poorly written, commercially unsound marketing blather.
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Thoughts on Bengazi and the evolution of future political scandal
I don't think I've ever chimed in on Bengazi. I carefully watched the news, or lack thereof, as the 2012 Obama/Romney election unfolded. I knew the same thing back then. It has become more apparent these days. There was so much more to this than meets the eye.
Fox News did its best to bring Bengazi to the forefront. But I think they focused on the wrong aspect of the "intentional cover-up." How Ambassador Susan Rice purposely obscured the facts and blamed the attacks on cartoon depictions of Allah. They kept churning away about how it was certainly an act of terrorism, but the Obama administration is afraid to use the words "Muslim" and "terrorist" in the same sentence. They wish to treat everything as a criminal matter. At the time, the Fox narrative was atrociously limited (to its eventual detriment). They kept blathering about the Trump's birther nonsense and Obama's secret socialist plan to bankrupt the country (despite the rising stock market and an increasing gap between CEO /worker compensation). In many ways, they were still hooked on the 2008 vision.
Bengazi fascinates me. Not from a terrorism perspective. After all, shit happens. But to accuse Hillary of incompetence and lack of oversight... that's a specious stretch. Seriously, is Hillary Clinton ultimately responsible for the financial security and physical safety of each ambassador outpost in every country on the planet. I don't think that's reasonable. Any Secretary of State has enough on their plate. Whenever your opponents volley the accusation, "He/she isn't doing the job" or "Look how much money that's costing the taxpayers" - it's almost always baseless non sequitur shit.
What I think is fascinating about Bengazi is not the "Obama administration vs. the terrorists" narrative, it's the power of the Secretary of State's office vs. our own CIA. At the time, I'm pretty sure the CIA had no director. John Brennan didn't take over until recently. Hillary is a keen observer to DC administration infighting. She knew the bigger story line and how it all might unfold.
I think that's the real story. The executive branch is upset about the loss of their ambassador. The CIA is pissed because they're ultimately being blamed for a lack of timely intelligence. As a result, naturally our military response OODA loop would be compromised. Everybody is blaming everybody within the monster bureaucracy. But it all must be kept hush hush. It's all maintained internally until Obama can scrape through a tight election.
This is where the REAL scandal was. Fox News and to a lesser extent, Mitt Romney, missed the boat. They could have sowed the seeds of contention if they cornered Hillary. But she went on sabbatical with a well-timed blood clot. And Obama was just too strong, too confident. Repubs could have ripped apart factions in the administration and it might have imploded internally. Never forget Sun Tzu's "Art of War" - avoid confrontation at all costs IF you can get the enemy to destroy itself. Always divide and conquer from WITHIN. Then again, I doubt they read much about military theory at Fox News headquarters.
Romney should have torn into Obama and raised all these questions, but he's just not politically sharp enough. Not his fault though... other than Gingrich, who really tested him in the primaries? Tim Pawlenty (MN - douchebag) ? Michele Bachmann (Minnesota douchebaguette) ?? Rick Perry ??? Oh yeah, he did challenge Perry. A $10,000 bet waged by an upstanding Mormon. For the love of Joseph Smith!!! Even when Romney did pounce, Obama was masterful. I remember that exact debate moment when Obama menacingly waved his finger at Romney - "that's not what we do."
MS. CROWLEY: Because we're closing in, I want to still get a lot of people in. I want to ask you something, Mr. President, and then have the governor just quickly. Your secretary of state, as I'm sure you know, has said that she takes full responsibility for the attack on the diplomatic mission in Benghazi.
Does the buck stop with your secretary of state as far as what went on here?
PRESIDENT OBAMA: Secretary Clinton has done an extraordinary job. But she works for me. I'm the president. And I'm always responsible. And that's why nobody is more interested in finding out exactly what happened than I did (sic).
The day after the attack, Governor, I stood in the Rose Garden, and I told the American people and the world that we are going to find out exactly what happened, that this was an act of terror. And I also said that we're going to hunt down those who committed this crime. And then a few days later, I was there greeting the caskets coming into Andrews Air Force Base and grieving with the families.
And the suggestion that anybody in my team, whether the secretary of state, our U.N. ambassador, anybody on my team would play politics or mislead when we've lost four of our own, Governor, is offensive. That's not what we do. That's not what I do as president. That's not what I do as commander in chief
I doubt Romney's advisers really cared too much. They knew they'd get paid regardless. Just the mere notion of Mitt Romney having a separate political team devoted to out-of-the-box thinking or asymmetric strategies is borderline ludicrous. Well, except the Foundation for a Better Life - mainstream normalization of the ideal Mormon. I covered that in a previous blog.
Bengazi must have driven the Fox News people to the brink of insanity. They have this golden ticket perfectly coinciding election. It's pure AU, but they don't know how to use it. And the higher-ups won't budge from the previously established "Obama's soft on terror" narratives. Even though the general consensus is that Obama has been a hawk on foreign policy (doubling down in Afghanistan and infinitely expanding drones, wiretapping, etc.). Obama played the national security card quite well. But seriously, where could the liberals have gone? Ted Kucinich? Ralph Nader?
Bengazi makes me better understand the "identity" of future political scandal. From the left wing or the right. It really doesn't matter. Although the right wing uses it ad nauseum thanks to Limbaugh, Karl Rove, Hannity, etc. The future of scandal is... endless refrain. Use the same word tirelessly. The facts don't matter. Low information voters associate unique words with scandal. Just hammer it home endlessly. Again, again, again. Barrack HUSSEIN Obama, Palin is an IDIOT, add the word "gate" to just about anything. The key is repetition at all costs. The facts don't matter anymore. A greater number of Americans are heading down the low-info road. Rather than observe and analyze, they're far more likely to align themselves with a specific politician, obnoxious newscaster or adhere to a particular media organization's brand. Just because it's so much easier. It's a dangerous precedent when things get confusing or controversial. During a prolonged economic crisis, you could end up with multiple Hitlers.
Rather than explore the facts (which are always confusing and usually lie somewhere in the middle of an irresolvable grey zone), just repeat the same words incessantly. It helps if the word itself sounds unusual (Bengazi, Solyndra, etc.) because that gives it a mysterious flare/negative connotation.
It's sad. Because it's in keeping with the idiocracy of the United States. I rarely promote movies, but this one wasn't that bad. Very forward thinking.
Monday, May 13, 2013
Soundgarden review - May 12, 2013, Stage AE - Pittsburgh
I have mixed emotions regarding last night's Soundgarden show at Stage AE. I cannot remember the reason but I missed the 1992 Lollapalooza show at Starlake. You know, the one with Pearl Jam, Red Hot Chili Peppers and Soundgarden. Not quite sure where I was. I imagine I was out and about following the Grateful Dead. It's a matter of conjecture I do not wish to fully explore. Suffice to say, I've never seen Soundgarden. And they're easily one of my top 10 favs. I've never done a legit Top 10 list. Maybe at the end of this post I'll have that figured out. Oooh, to be an innocent blog reader... the building literary orgasmic anticipation.
Anyhoo, Gig and I hit up the show last night. She scored a couple freebies in advance so we weren't too concerned about getting there early. Plus, it was unseasonably cold. I didn't check the weather but there was a frost warning. Weathering Heights Sons of Bitches. I imagine it dipped down to the low 40's. Kind of windy too. But then again, I've dealt with considerably worse through the years. There were a few Steelers games where my genitals fully retracted into my abdomen/spleen. Not kewl.
I had noticed there was no opening band listed. Kind of peculiar since the gates opened at 6:30pm. But I was adamant about not seeing the set list. So I had Gigi take a look. We came to the conclusion that there would NOT be an opener. Therefore, we had to bust ass and get our buttocks down to the lot formerly known as Gold Lot 2. But we're too cheap, so we parked on the North Side and hoofed it on down. We arrived with plenty of time to spare.
We saw this creepy rock'n'roller dude looking through a tiny hole in the fence. I suppose he was hoping to catch a glance of his heroes. His motives may have been true, but he was gradually evolving into this "yinzer, hipster peeping tom."
Another guy, considerably cooler than greasy, peeping tom, was playing an upright bass right outside the main entrance. I think he probably made about $15 or so. Surprisingly, I've never encountered this roving street artist. Watch for him in the future. He was decent.
It was an old school crowd. Lots of unshaven playoff beards. A good omen as they're preparing to announce the dates for the Ottawa-Pens series. I'd still have rather played the Rangers, but it is what it is. They have a game 7 tonight against the Caps. Huzzah.
Speaking of beards... I have unilaterally decreed that this guitar dude (Kim Thayil) shalt be the bearded benchmark by which all beards shalt be judged.
Last night I think I figured out why Soundgarden took a 16+ year hiatus. Let me say that I think they are the #2 band of the early 90's. Pearl Jam gets the top ranking of course. All the others pale in comparison. Alice in Chains, Chili Peppers, etc??? Gimme a fucking break. I'd put Jane's Addiction at a close #3.
These guys are brilliant songwriters and musicians. BUTT... (and that's an outstanding bubble butt from the waitress at the St. Clarisville Steak'n'Shake), I don't think they ever bother rehearsing. Some of their tunes are a little intricate for never being played. I think this is why Matt Cameron (drummer) prefers to play with Pearl Jam. Soundgarden just isn't as cohesive a unit. I don't think they "care" as much. It's part of their charm though. That dark, foreboding, awkward, grungy, super bass heavy, piercing sound.
But what about how the show actually "sounded" ??? I don't known what it was last night. Several of the songs had this crazy, muffled, "warbling" sound. It sounded like the concert was recorded on a taped over TDK D90. Left underneath a passenger car seat in the middle of August. You clean out the car and discover the tape - it's cleverly marked "Sound-Gardenia Mix." The damn tape is sticky from a spilled can of Busch Light draft. Do you see what I'm getting at? Do you garner my inference? I think their mixing board guys were tripping their brains out. Something just wasn't right. It's a complete shame because this is one of the only shows I was truly looking forward to. Still, I'm not going to bitch. They completely rock your brains out. But like I said, something just wasn't right from a technical standpoint.
As an avid bootleg collector of rock from the early 90's, I was always bitterly disappointed with the lack of quality Soundgarden shows. I'd kill for a decent boot from the Superunknown tour, but there just ain't any out there. It's commonly thought that their head sound guy from back in the day... well... to put it delicately... he sucked. I wonder if it's still the same dude.
Tangent - I knew this one peculiar sound guy named Chuck who worked for a local band that shall remain nameless (Sleeping Giants). This one night, we're at a Pittsburgh bar after hours and he regales the table with a story of his sexual exploits. But this was no ordinary Penthouse forum story. Chuck told of us of this strange proclivity - having sex with fruit. You see... he would go out and purchase a large melon. Apparently a ripe honeydew was the ultimate choice. Then, he would meticulously carve a hole in said melon. You'd think the story's over... but no, it has just begun. Next, he would insert handfuls of slightly cooked warm Ramen Noodles. According to him, this made the texture "just right." Of course, at that shining moment it's off to the races. I've heard of people having sex with multiple inanimate objects. But never fruit. Makes you second guess the post Jimmy Buffett show-consumption of that vodka infused watermelon. I call that Parrot-head justice.
Back to the saner topic at hand. Highlights for me were definitely the opener "Incessant Mace", "Burden in my Hand", and a song I never thought I'd hear live... "4th of July" - made for a killer closer. They seemed to focus on the newer material which I'm unfamiliar with, but I'll forgive 'em.
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And here it is... Sonofsaf's top rock bands.
In relatively suggestive, but no particular order...
Pearl Jam
Grateful Dead (only 1985-1990)
Led Zeppelin
Pink Floyd
Beatles (& solo McCartney)
Slayer (RIP Jeff Hanneman)
Foo Fighters
Ratt (not kidding)
My Morning Jacket
Soundgarden
into the lesser stratosphere with even less restrictive protocol...
Radiohead
Prince
Marilyn Manson
The Who
Rolling Stones
Death Angel
Vio-lence
Phish
Fleetwood Mac
Beastie Boys
Weezer
honorable mention: Duran Duran, Live, Filter, Nirvana, on it goes...
Remember, it's an all-inclusive list. Certain stuff appeals to you at different times in your life. For example, I was a big Duran Duran fan when I was gay.
Thursday, May 02, 2013
Runnin' down a dream
Many of my friends are aware that I'm deeply concerned about the potential for human stampedes related to outdated stadium emergency evacuation protocol. I know... it's something that concerns everyone round deez parts.
It's a touchy subject but I'm in the process of launching an "awareness foundation" designed to bring attention to this matter. At some point I imagine I'll come under scrutiny and wish I hadn't been so vigilant. Regardless, it's the path I have chosen and I won't back down.
Yesterday morning I emailed my superior brother a pic of the finished logo and asked for his input. He has been instrumental in guiding me and has a keen understanding of the issues that surround the artificially generated stampede.
In the logo, there's a phrase which embodies the mission statement. I'd love to share the pic but I'm not gonna do it. Nope. Not gonna do it. Just wouldn't be prudent... at this juncture (Dana Carvey impersonating George Bush Sr.).
So yesterday, I decided to change the script. We had a mild disagreement regarding the caption reflecting the mission statement. Originally, I wanted it to be "discussing the indiscussible." But he thought "undiscussable" was the better term. Of course, it made me rethink everything and try to devise an all-new encapsulating phrase.
Last night, I had this crazy dream which echoed the thoughts swirling in my head. I was back in the Oglebay Village apartment complex. I spent about 10 years of my life (1992-2001) in a single bedroom apartment. In my dream, the main office had this giant staircase. Not the case in the real Oglebay Village "chamber of judgement." The late Carol the Cunt, our ultimate landlord and overseer, would often make me beg for forgiveness. I'd literally have to repent for my sins (handing out matches on Halloween, parking violations, disrupting the sanctity of the neighborhood - repeatedly kicking a soccer ball into a defenseless dumpster, disturbing the peace, unsanctioned pets, espousing acts of satanism, housing 5 people in a 1-bedroom apartment, etc.). My complaint file was the size of the Book of Job. Remember Job (Cliff Clavin - Cheers).
Anyway, about 20 people were crowded near the top of this massive staircase. I was in the middle of the fray. A giant, ginger woman with a completely bandaged leg was near the front. She bore a striking resemblance to a 40 year old version of Honey Boo Boo.
But her entire left leg was covered in bandages. Some of the gauze was bloody and stapled. This woman desperately needed to get to the bottom but was incapable of walking. And because of the girth factor, she was far too heavy to be offered assistance.
So she began in a seated position carefully trying to slowly "butt-descend" each individual step. But the momentum was too great. She began to succumb to inertia. She cried out in terror reminiscent of the anguished oink of pigman (Kramer).
I needed to act quickly or she would surely perish in this massive free fallin' spectacle.
Somehow, I managed to thrust myself in front of her. As the Village and Station residents screamed in the background, I became sandwiched... fully engulfed between her legs and gunt. (I've often thought that an ideal name for a Led Zeppelin cover band is Trampled Under Gunt. Now here I was... fulfilling this gritty, musical prophecy). We were both utterly helpless in a dual stairwell stampede.
I figure it's curtains for the "Saffy-Boo-Boo hurling entity." We'll surely be killed when we impact the cement wall. Suddenly, Al Roker (the fat version... and no I'm not kidding) appears out of nowhere and brazenly jumps in front of us. Roker had this incredibly warm smile.
He had no fear of death. He burst into song...
... with the exact same vocal inflection of Mighty Mouse.
Suddenly, Saffy Boo-Boo slams into Roker. But he was completely unfazed. He defiantly stood his ground. The Boo-Boo component... her tears of pain quickly morphed into cries of relief. At this harrowing, epic moment in time, I thought I was going to be squished to death. Turns out I didn't feel a thing! The collective blubber of both gock and gunt actually saved my life. The crowd of Villagers and Stationites erupts in jubilant celebration. I surveyed this one face in the crowd. In the movie Braveheart, does anyone remember when Mel Gibson gets tortured at the end (racked, roped, castrated and eventually chopped into pieces)? ROPE !!! The executioner wraps the rope around his head. William Wallace looks out at the crowd. He makes eye contact with this little boy who has this expression of calm exasperation. Then, he gets hoisted in the air. I looked out too, just as he did. And I saw some young diaper-clad infant. This kid... we'll assign him the name Ethan. Well, Ethan gave me that same damn look of humble despair. Not sure how any of that translates, but that's what happened.
At this moment, I wake from my dream. Others would probably term it a nightmare. But I was overcome with this strange, glowing sense of calm. And it came to me... instead of the paradox "discussing the indiscussible" I'm going to use the phrase "staring down the future"
I love the symbolism. The manner in which it incorporates the notion of "staring down the barrel of a shotgun (or the barrel of a cell phone)." More importantly it implies the consensus motion of the last decade... everyone staring downward into their cell phones. Take an objective look around you. The entire population is staring down, almost as if they're bowing their heads in prayer. This never happened until the past 15 years. It's an entirely new phenomenon. Nobody looks up anymore. There's no BALANCE. If you don't believe me, place your trust in the late Pat Morita. The world needs balance.
During the last 9/11, everyone looked UP to see the planes crash into buildings. This time, they'll likely be looking down into their phones right before the implosion of total chaos. They will look down right before they look up.
And another thing... "staring down" implies focusing on something that is imminent or unavoidable. The enemy, tragedy, bankruptcy, etc. Trying to eradicate a future disaster BEFORE it happens. That's what I'm talkin' about.
What's really crazy is that I usually forget my dreams. Obviously, this one had some powerful significance. It sent me scurrying to the kitchen where I jotted down the words "staring down."
So that's that. And I hope you enjoyed the subtle Tom Petty references. He's coming to Consol Energy Center on June 20.
Saturday, April 27, 2013
Fleetwood Mac review, April 27, 2013, Consol Energy Center
Coming off the heels of that nauseating, abysmal Steel Panther test of punishment and endurance, Gigi and I hit up the big Fleetwood Mac show.
It took awhile, but we managed to score 2 freebies. Arduous but manageable. One came from a New Jersey woman named Nellie Stillwaggon. The other from a man in light blue button down shirt.
Earlier, I tried to reason with this group of ladies who had an extra. Their friend was in the Cleveland clinic and could not attend. Apparently they thought the spare ticket would be better served, if nicely framed and presented as a gift. I attempted to persuade them that the woman might be more appreciative if the ticket were actually used but they refused to budge, preferring to eat it. I tried to reason with them... after all, you could always just xerox one off afterwards. But noooo, she would require definitive section, row and seat verification for her non-experience. That sure was an inspired group of ladies - I wish I could have friends like that if I was in the hospital.
They weren't the only ones. Others opted to dine on print-outs as well. Yummo, goodo. Ticketmaster. Mmmm. I had this one guy who "threatened" to tear up his extra on the spot, just to spite me. I sometimes wonder about humanity. Make that always. Why would anyone go out of their way to risk their own lives to improve a society comprised of about 25% assholes? I truly sympathize with those returning from war zones or anyone who fruitlessly toils in the unappreciative public sector. Time to get off the soapbox.
So we zipped in right at crunch time and scored KILLER seats in the FRONT row, Stevie Nicks side of the stage (our favorite region).
Excerpt from The Office:
| Darryl: | It's cool that you like the southwest. It's one of my favorite regions. [cut to talking head] "It's one of my favorite regions" --did I just sound totally lame? [thinks] ...huh, it sounded good. [cut back to talking with Deangelo] I love the desert. It's one of my favorite ecosystems. |
The band seemed really energized. All 4 - Lindsay Buckingham, Mick Fleetwood, Stevie Nicks and the bass player whose name eludes me. Stevie Nicks seemed genuinely inspired, invoking "fond memories" of Pittsburgh without divulging any specifics. But you could tell that she wasn't bullshitting. She likely won't be using the same line tomorrow night in St. Paul, MN.
I thought this show was much better than the Fleetwood Mac 2009 tour opener at Mellon Arena. The band seemed looser and more relaxed. There were a couple scattered moments of errant musicianship, a couple jams that went askew, a few drum beats that were a little off. But I think it made for a more heartfelt, authentic performance.
The woman seated behind us was kind of a pain. She would occasionally murmur at people to "sit down." I thought about engaging her, explaining the ins and outs of what happens at a rock concert, but had a modicum of mercy. Plus, I didn't want to jeopardize our "freebie karma."
Gigi and I have been discussing how we've slowly been evolving into this Beavis and Butthead-like duo outside the concerts. All these strange, errant comments. Eccentric laughter and chompy snickering that only we can decipher, yet overheard by everyone. So of course, once we got inside, we opted for the Super Nachos. Nothing exemplifies the Beavis and Butthead idiot parade better than a giant tray of nachos setting us back $7.50.
SETLIST:
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(Stevie Nicks song)
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Highlights for me were The Chain, Sara and Gold Dust Woman. Especially the version of Sara.
During "Tusk," the pelvic thrusts of Lindsay Buckingham seemed a bit excessive, bordering into the blasphemous and obscene... his Elvis-like gyrations mirrored this bizarre video that's currently making its rounds through social media. Thank you. Thank you very much.
As disturbing as that was, I thought it was interesting. Not amusing, but kind of intriguing as it was definitely rehearsed and likely occurs on what would appear to be a semi-regular basis. There's even some degree of subdued choreography.
We also scored some kind of discarded Stevie Nicks-like veil/shawl/tapestry. Unlike the above video featuring our caped, groinal super-sexual hero, here's some rare-rear fully clothed, Talibanesque modeling...
This look is all the rage in Kandahar. I defy you to name any city that sounds so wonderful and exotic, while at the same time being the embodiment of the worst location on the entire planet earth. Seriously... give it a try. You'll always come back to Kandahar, Afghanistan.
After the concert, we ran into a person who shall remain nameless, a Pittsburgh sanctioned, rogue maintainer of law and order - he gave us some confiscated Fleetwood Mac tour shirts. One of which we presented to the infamous Nellie Stillwaggon! That's the woman who gave us her extra floor seat. We ran into her after the show.
We also had another encounter with Doc Harris (Franco's son). We talked for a little about the artificially generated stampede and the recent Associated Press twitter hoax that temporarily crashed the stock market. He looked at me and smiled, "Hey man, I owe you an email." Well... we shall see.
All in all, twas a great night that restored our faith in music after that atrocious Steel Panther sequestration.
After a show like that, sometimes I think maybe there really is a god. Well... at least a musical, treblicious god of some sort with tonal leanings. Now there's a concept I can barely grasp. Hell... it's a lot better than tsunami-God, ricin-God, Fukushima nuclear reactor-God, Holocaust-God, Boston Marathon-God, Sandy Hook Elementary School-God, and of course... the most vengeful God that will eventually someday be spoken of... artificially generated stampede-God.
Friday, April 26, 2013
Steel Panther - Stage AE, April 26, 2013
Gigi and I zipped down to Stage AE last night for a "show" by a "band" named Steel Panther.
We hooked up with two longtime buddies, metalmale and marnellmale. Having secured a quad-allotment of freebies, we were all set. On his way into the venue, our buddy had this weapon of mass destruction confiscated by venue security.
When asked why he felt the need to bring it inside, he replied, "I forgot it was in my pocket."
Do not fear though. Gigi ended up securing the weapon. It will soon be reunited with its proper owner.
I'm not sure what's wrong with me. I must be getting old. Having been previously assured of the band's outright hilarity and stunning 80's musicianship, this event truly asked more questions than it answered. It was atrocious. I reached the rarely felt level of "absolute putrid disgust." I will admit one thing though. We were in the minority. Everyone else in the venue seemed to be having the time of their lives. Hooping and hollering, gesticulating and suck-it-ing...
Shades of brilliance, mirroring this...
"Saf, for cryin' out loud. The whole damn thing's a parody. It's supposed to be in poor taste. Don't you get it?" To that query I respond with the age-old, "Yeah... I get it. I get it." Who knows? Maybe I really don't get it.
The band itself was horrifically loud. Much to their collective chagrin, I could feel the distortion coursing through the veins of genitalia. It was a good 'ol fashion groin thumping.
The best part was the interactive banter. The lead singer aka "self professed vaginal inspector" would drone on endlessly about fornication. It mirrored a Rand Paul filibuster, but with costumes and profanity. There was that one shining moment where I became a believer. He surveyed the crowd and screamed, "This is a new song about fucking all night long. It's called "I'm gonna fuck you all night long."
We ended up bolting about three songs in.
We did not have a good time last night. In fact, the highlight was us breathing a sigh of relief as we exited the venue. I think this band should alter their entire agenda. Maybe rename themselves "The Steel City Panthers" and do something in the realm of softcore, loud volume, dirty talkin' pornography. Perhaps in the male revue milieu or on the Chippendales circuit.
I did snag a cool Marilyn Manson/Alice Cooper poster from above a restroom urinal. Seemed well-suited for Gigi's garage of musical paraphernalia and rustic accoutrement.
In retrospect... there were three highlights. Free parking, free tickets and the fact that we didn't get poured on during our trek back to the refurbished Honda Civic. Other than that, I have absolutely no desire further discussing this shit.
Hopefully, tonight will serve as a rebound. We're heading to Fleetwood Mac at Consol. We went last time they came to the defunct Mellon Arena. Here's the review from 2009.
As I implied, things can only improve upon last evening's debacle. Maybe a vehicular accident in which they pry us from the car with the jaws of life while we're both simultaneously chewing on tin foil and shaving our heads with a cheese grater. Dare to dream...
Thursday, April 25, 2013
George W. Bush Presidential Library
Today marks the grand unveiling of the "W" presidential library or as I'd prefer to call it "G-Dubs big 'ol bunch of books."
It will be located on the Southern Methodist campus (how appropriate) in Dallas. In keeping with the philosophy that everything is bigger and better in Texas, this sounds 'bout write. Rest assured, it will be the biggest and the best... assuming you define superiority in terms of that which is pricey and humongous (250 million bucks, 25 acres, 200,000+ square feet).
I've been following the coverage. The library's main theme will revolve around "decision making." Not a bad focus considering the fact that 9/11 certainly changed the world. There's a statue of his pet dog Barney, the bullhorn from ground zero in Manhattan, a mammoth steel beam from one of the World Trade Centers. What's missing are all the key figures of the administration (Cheney, Rumsfeld, Wolfowitz - basically the architects of the Iraq war). And if you know me, you know that I think the invasion and occupation of Iraq was the worst fundamental policy decision in the history of the United States... most definitely in my lifetime and most certainly the 21st century. I know... I know... the worst is Solendra.
During the Iraq War, Bush made a visit to our decaying town. I felt inspired so I wrote this poem and stuck it on every god forsaken car window in all of downtown Wheeling.
It's interesting... reflecting back on these words.
Most people think I have this seething hatred of George W. Bush. Not true at all. In fact, he seems like a pleasant, likeable dude. The kind of guy I'd like to have a beer with.
What I've always questioned is whether "the office of the presidency" was just too damn big for his britches. I don't think he ever comprehended the magnitude of his words, the real-world impact of his policies. I don't think he grasped an appreciation of history, a basic understanding of how the world works (beyond the lone star state). I think he saw things through a very narrow perspective, an incredibly simplistic prism. He didn't analyze, he delegated - a very dangerous "style of leadership" following 9/11. But did I "hate" him as a person. Absolutely not.
I think way too many people, especially in the age of facebook, assign notions of love and hate far too easily. I despise this leader's drone policy or drug policy or immigration policy or stance on universal health care... therefore, I must HATE him/her. That's the only way people will know where I stand on these critical issues. It's far too difficult to have a rational debate. I don't have the time or the necessary mental energy or acuity to engage in reasonable discourse. It's much easier to copy and paste this picture of Mitt Romney emanating from a marble toilet w/ pure gold fixtures. Caption reading "Mitt is... the Shit." I haven't seen it, but I'm sure it exists.
I guess that's what I'm getting at. I personally do not loathe George W. Bush. I just detested his over-simplification of the major issues. The "we must fight them there, so we don't fight them here." The "they hate us because they hate our freedom." And the absolute worst, "the people of Iraq will welcome us as liberators." For me, that one was the tipping point. I was always skeptical of the decision to invade Iraq, but when I heard that phrase, I absolutely lost it. I may not know shit, but I've always known one thing... NOBODY LIKES IT WHEN SOMEONE BOMBS THEIR COUNTRY.
So my main beef with W is this... the presidency was just beyond his grasp. The office was simply too big for him. When I look at Obama, Clinton, Bush Sr. and Reagan (maybe Carter to a lesser extent), I never come away with that impression. They all seemed well suited to handle the awesome power of the presidency. They all understood the scope and magnitude. With W, I got the impression that he ran for the office mostly because he thought he could win it. Turns out he was write. Not once, but twice.
And if I remember correctly, he was supposed to be the "education president." Turns out, he ended up being a "wartime president." So while they're doing the dedication, I just thought I'd right down my thoughts. Offer my two sense, if you will. After all, it's a big fucking library.
Saturday, April 20, 2013
thoughts on the Steelers 2013 schedule
So the NFL just released the 2013 Steelers regular season schedule.
2013 schedule (All times ET)
Sept. 8 TENNESSEE TITANS, 1 p.m.
Sept. 16 at Cincinnati Bengals, 8:40 p.m.
Sept. 22 CHICAGO BEARS, 8:30 p.m.
Sept. 29 at Minnesota Vikings (Wembley Stadium, London), 1 p.m.
Oct. 6 BYE
Oct. 13 at New York Jets, 1 p.m.
Oct. 20 BALTIMORE RAVENS, 4:25 p.m.
Oct. 27 at Oakland Raiders, 4:05 p.m.
Nov. 3 at New England Patriots, 4:25 p.m.
Nov. 10 BUFFALO BILLS, 1 p.m.
Nov. 17 DETROIT LIONS, 1 p.m.
Nov. 24 at Cleveland Browns, 1 p.m.
Nov. 28 at Baltimore Ravens, 8:30 p.m.
Dec. 8 MIAMI DOLPHINS, 1 p.m.
Dec. 15 CINCINNATI BENGALS, 8:30 p.m.
Dec. 22 at Green Bay Packers, 4:25 p.m.
Dec. 29 CLEVELAND BROWNS, 1 p.m.
My thoughts...
First and foremost, on opening day we have a home game against the Titans. From a potential stampede perspective, this does not bode well. There are a total of 10 1 o'clock games on that particular Sunday. Usually, there are 9. The final day of the season has the most (12), but that weekend often suffers form weak attendance. Since I'm the only person on the planet who's concerned about artificially generated stampedes, I won't harp on it. I'll be there regardless.
Gigi and I will be out "cruising the Northwest" for the big nationally televised night game against Da Bears. That one jumped out at me as a must-see, but I'll cope... somehow.
Our bye comes a little early in the season. But that's always the case when you get a London game at the end of September. They usually do inter-conference AFC/NFC match-ups across the pond. Wise decision. I don't mind playing the Vikes. I'd rather see the Green Bay game played in Wisconsin and the domed Lions have to venture to Heinz Field for a relatively cold weather game.
At least we didn't get screwed on the London trip. By that, I mean we still have 8 home games. So you really can't bitch too much. By the time we finally get back to Europe, there's a good possibility the United States may have fallen as a "great civilization/empire." We'll likely have bigger problems to contend with.
Random stuff...
Cool that we open the preseason with a home game against the NY Giants. Only I would find something like this to be of substantive interest.
I like the fact that Miami has to come the Burgh for a late season cold weather game.
They just announced that the Bengals signed James Harrison. Fucking Fantastic. What better a way to celebrate than our only prime time Monday Night game in the second week slot. My prediction - he'll make one big hit or sack early on and then be rendered meaningless. It's absolutely hysterical that the Bungles signed him to a 2 year deal. How fitting. I rarely complain about the players we sign or drop. However, I can't believe we matched the offer on WR Emmanuel Sanders. I do question that move. Maybe Belichick was purposely bating us. I suspect he'll under-perform this year. Just a hunch.
Gotta love the Thanksgiving night showdown against the Ravens on the road. Although who can forget the 1998 coin toss in Detroit. Though I'm hardly what you call superstitious. Should be a good knock down, drag out. It always is. Roger Goodell got this one right. Congrats.
The balance of our schedule seems strong. 8 - 1 o'clocks. 4 - 4 o'clocks and 4 night games. Not bad for an East coast team that went 8-8 and missed the playoffs last year. Just ask the Browns who have 13 games at 1 pm and a sole crappy night game against Buffalo. Sounds about right. Can you tell who the NFL likes from a ratings perspective?
Looks like we'll find out "what's what" during the 4 game stretch following the bye week. 3 high profile away games (Jets, Raiders and Patriots) with a Ravens home game sandwiched in there. There is a West Coast trip to Oakland, but it's almost an entire month after the London journey. Shouldn't be a factor. If we can go 2-2 in those 4 games, we should be good as we segue into back-to-back home games against perennial teams of squalor... Buffalo and Detroit.
We usually close the season on the road in Cleveland. This year we get the Browns at home. This game is almost always irrelevant. I suspect 2013 will be no different. And Cleveland's new owner, Jimmy Haslam, is under federal indictment. It's related to his "Flying J" truck stops. Maybe the FBI doesn't care for the public marijuana legalization insinuation/endorsement. They probably think it sullies the stellar reputation of the league. Just what the Browns needed. If they weren't such a downtrodden, defeated laughingstock, it wouldn't be as nearly amusing. Talk about kicking a team when they're down. Over the years, it's grown increasingly difficult... maintaining that level of seething acrimony toward the Browns. In today's world, you almost want to stick up for the team that gets bullied all the time. Almost. I think they've officially replaced the AZ Cardinals as the "victims of NFL bullying." The Browns are offensive... because they have no offense. Quite the conundrum.
Our "power" or strength of schedule ranking came in at #22. This sounds about right. It looks relatively soft. Our "oddball" AFC match-ups are Tennessee and Oakland. I can live with that. Though personally, I will miss Jeff Fisher's mustache. Whenever the score is 28-7 and they show him wandering the sideline. Then, they zoom in for a closeup of his face on the jumbo-tron, I get these bizarre, titillating, homoerotic goose bumps.
All in all, if you openly bitch and complain about this schedule (from virtually any perspective), I'd have to say you're not too savvy. I think this could be Roethlisberger's last chance for glory. He's just been too banged up over the years. His ability to shake off tackles and make those last second heroic plays... well, last year was pretty telling. And I'm not sure Bruce Gradkowski is the answer either.
It's always too early, but I think we're playoff bound. Here's how I think the AFC North shapes up.
Baltimore 12-4 (the 2012 Ravens were hardly a fluke)
Pittsburgh 10-6
Cincinnati 8-8
Cleveland 3-13
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Boston marathon prediction
Although it's too early to make imbecilic predictions of "who, how many people, or what organization" is responsible for the multiple bombings at the Boston marathon... since it's all we're going to be hearing about for the foreseeable future, I might as well weigh in.
First. I was fascinated by the social media response. I don't do twitter, but I did monitor facebook. It amazed me how many people instantly wrote stuff like "prayers to Boston" and "who would do such a thing?" Many seemed to have this natural inclination to further "break" the story. In this day of social media, everyone wants to "be" the news. I'm guessing about half of them do it instinctively, without a second thought. The other half seek to empathically aggrandize their stake in this world - hoping that others will know they're actively concerned about world events and humanity.
Second. The big question - is this a foreign or domestic terrorist attack. I noticed that Obama, in his initial address to the nation, made sure not to use the terrorist label. Smart. Here's why. Although the media hasn't proposed the possibility, I think there's a strong chance that the bomber is a disgruntled American, probably an Iraq or Afghanistan war veteran. My hunches tell me it's someone who has served multiple tours and was likely a bomb technician or actively investigates situations in the aftermath of improvised explosive devices. Someone with real world knowledge and experience. There are some eerie parallels with what happened in Boston yesterday and what happens everyday in our war zones.
It's amazes me how everyone is grief stricken by the death of this 8 year old boy. And we're all worried about that single elderly runner who fell due to the concussive blast. NEWS FLASH - this stuff has been happening almost daily for the last 10 years. Maybe the mainstream media should start showing REAL news from the war zone, like I don't know... images from Al Jazeera and the fringe alternative media.
If this act was perpetuated by a "mentally disturbed" (and I use that term very loosely, because I think about half of Congress is delusional) war veteran, Obama using the word "terrorist" could very well come back to bite him in the ass. After the "we stand united/we're all Americans love fest" subsides (AND IT WILL), the elements of the opposition party would crucify him for having sold out our abandoned veterans.
For years, we've heard about the extreme backlog of cases in the Veterans Administration. The paperwork, the stalling techniques, the intrinsic methodology that all government agencies use to bureaucratize claims and benefits... I'm talking about the human toll that could drive a person to the brink of insanity. And that's after having served multiple tours, having your entire life disrupted, your spouse leaves you, your compensation is a joke, your house is in foreclosure, your pet died, your kids spit on you, your car broke down... and all you see is that the ONLY thing Americans care about is...
this idiot >>>
this dipshit's haircut >>>
or Glitzy (Honey Boo-Boo's pet pig) >>>
These three alone could very well drive a SANE person to commit an act of terrorism. And people have the audacity to ask, "who could perpetrate such an act?"
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Pirates vs. Reds... epic fail
This Sunday was a beautiful, crisp afternoon. Since I was heading up to Gigi-burgh, I thought I'd take in my first Buccos game of 2013. She was working til around 3:30pm or so. I figured I'd snag a freebie and hang til the 6th or 7th inning.
It's a Pirates game where tix are ubiquitous. So I didn't even bother with a sign or anything like that. And I generally try not to speak that much. I just roamed the area holding my finger up - the universal sign for "I needs a ticket." Eventually, I sat on the Honus Wagner statue platform... index finger raised, smiling and silently mouthing the words "need one."
That's obviously not me... but strictly for reference purposes, my head is pretty much where this woman's ass is located. My finger would be adjacent to her cervix or gynecologically pressing the vulva.
Anyway, it's heading into the 2nd inning and I haven't had any bites. No luck whatsoever. So I stroll over to the deep outfield entrance by the Roberto DiClemente bridge. There's a guy standing there with a small stack of bleacher tickets, maybe about 6 or 7. I'd say he was about 30 years old, very tan with slicked back hair and the over-sized, expensive sunglasses. Very GQish.
I asked him, "Hey man, you got an extra to spare. I was just looking to get into the game for a little bit." He looked irritated. Yeah, okay. Gimme 5 bucks. To which I respond, "Well, I was hoping for a freebie. I won't be sitting next to you. I just have some time to kill."
Then he looks at me with this absolute look of putrid disgust, "Why the hell would I give YOU a free ticket?" I politely reply, "Well, maybe you could think of it as a gesture of goodwill." He sharply retorted, "I'd rather fucking eat it (referencing the ticket, of course). Then I respond, "Well, that's one option."
Then, he scowled at me and purposely decided to enter the gate... as if to say, look asshole, I'm going to walk in with this stack just to spite you. I just shrug my shoulders and walk away.
As I'm heading toward the 3rd base outfield entrance, I see some Reds fans talking with this scalper dude I know. I ask the guy how much he wants and he replies, "5 bucks." Another bleacher seat. I explain that it's against my personal code of conduct to indirectly augment the fortune of Pirates owner Bob Nutting. His buddy laughs while I strike up a meaningless conversation about Ohio State President Gordon Gee (he was wearing an OSU football shirt).
So it's between me and the scalper. The scalper is offering him a grand total of $2.00 and I'm offering zilch. The Reds fan tries to get me to bite, but I just will not relent. "C'mon man, I only want five bucks. That's less than the cost of a beer." I reply, "Yeah, I know... I'm just not in the habit of paying to see a Pirates game." He turns his head and grabs the two single dollar bills from the scalper dude and shakes his hand. At this moment, the guy must have thought he was T. Boone Pickens staging a hostile takeover of Occidental Petroleum.
Anyway, they head toward the gate. I look at the scalper guy (I know him well, but forget his name). He looks at me and says, "I'd offer to sell it to you for cost, you know, 2 bucks. But I know you ain't gonna do it." I lightheartedly reply, "And you would be correct, sir."
So I guess I'm just venting. I don't think I've EVER been shut out of a Pirates game. I saw about 50 games from the limo driving days and never paid a cent. My complaint here centers around the "smug arrogance" and the "dorky ambivalence."
You're probably asking the million dollar question, "Saf, couldn't your Jew-ass, Hebrew buttocks match that scalper's $2.00 offer. Isn't that about half the cost of McDonald's kids meal?"
Since all the news is about guns these days... let me put this in terms you Northern WV varmint hunters and Southwestern PA yinzers can understand...
I'll give you that 2 bucks, when you pry it from my cold, dead hands.
Sunday, April 07, 2013
Eric Clapton, Consol Energy Center, Pittsburgh, 4-6-13
Yesterday, during a semi-arduous 6 mile run in which I accidentally wore two different running shoes, I took a brief break and ate lunch at Krogers. Twas a sample tasting menu of culinary delights. It commenced with a miniscule, rhombus-shaped quadrant of sponge cake from the Starbucks. Then, it was off to the sushi stand. I gobbled down 2 portions of the California roll and a steamed dumpling. If you're wondering what the suggested sushi sample limit is... well, there's an unofficial limit of 8. And if you take the entire container... well, in this establishment, that's frowned upon.
I don't know about you, but I've grown weary of the E*trade baby and his stocky brethren.
The dining expedition continued with a plastic dixie cup of field greens w/ roasted red peppers garnished with a spicy salamic slice, doused with a hint of Italian dressing. Finally, it was off to the soup stand. No soup Nazi in sight. An elderly woman doled me out a mini-cup of some kind of Tuscan bean, pseudo-Progresso variant.
Dripping with sweat, I finished my Krogers dining binge and headed back on National Road. I took a brief diversion down Washington Avenue and ran into the owner of Avenue Eats. I STILL haven't dined there but will remedy that injustice by the end of this month. I mentioned that I was going to see Eric Clapton and she inquired, "Oh... Wow... is Clapton on your bucket list?"
Needless to say, there are many things I wish to do before I die. Milk a cow, feed the ducks, get a decent hole-in-one. I got one on #17 at the Oglebay par 3 when I was a little kid, but I don't think that counts. It was a line drive skidder that somehow ended up in the hole. I'll never forget the name of the golf ball, a "GCI Faultless." To this day, I've never seen or heard of that brand. Saf, what's your favorite golf ball these days? Gotta go with Slazenger but I'll play anything (with the exception of a Titliest or some Wilson/Spalding shit).
Anyway, as far as a bucket list goes, seeing the legendary dude who sings that sappy "darling, you were wonderful tonight" crap... well, he's just doesn't do it for me. (Kramer - "weather just doesn't do it for me"). Nonetheless, I would not be deterred. So it was me, G Max and Slosh. We made it to the gravel lot around 6:30 and hooked up with Gigi. She had Snyder's chips and turkey-romaine wraps and mini turkey sandwiches on marble rye (not from Schnitzer's)
We also hooked up with the extended Wheeling crew (Tony Rocks, Capt. Lee and Perry (guy who tipped canoe in freezing crick).
I made a sign for the purpose of free ticket acquisition, but neither me nor Gig felt comfortable using it.
Tickets were a tough score. I snagged a freebie from a sporty looking trio of guys in their 50's. Gigi had a much tougher time. She struck up a conversation with some neurotic weirdo-man from McCandless. He had this poindexter nerd/slender Weeble-Wobble vibe going on. He offered her the freebie but said he "needed her to go inside with him." Of course, I nudged her off on the consolidated journey. "I'll call you when I head in." I went back down to the lower gate to hook up with the others and finish my wine. And yes, if you're wondering... I'm officially 1 part boyfreind, 9 parts ass. Not the proudest ratio.
So I saw a guy surreptitiously hide something underneath a garbage can. I assumed it was narcotics, likely a stash of grass or something. After he bolted, I went for the scavenge. For the love of Ravenstahl, it was a weapon...
I ended up giving it to Slosh.
Anyway, Gigi comes walking out of nowhere. Apparently, just as she was about to get scanned, the Consol guards swarmed her, the smarty-pants-Weeble-Wobble guy and this other freakshow... "tripping ballz pony-tail dude." So she sidled off and wisely made the decision to retreat.
After exchanging some additional, meaningless pleasantries, we bolted inside. We missed the entire opening act (The Wallflowers). Clapton had just hit the stage. We took our usual spot on the side. Lower level, spacious seating instead of choosing to be crammed in with the condescending mongrel hoard. The crowd just had this strange, pompous, Sewickley - Upper St. Clairish feel to it. Kind of this reserved, sophisticated, "we know how to rock, but don't care to show it" vibe.
Clapton was decent. Like I said, I'm not a huge fan but I did like "tempted by the fruit of another" Squeeze cover. This version's from N'Awlins.
And the "Cocaine" closer was pretty cool. All in all, Clapton and his fans just don't do it for me.
I'd have to say the highlights of the night for me were Gigi's turkey-lettuce wraps and her customary free parking at the Church of the Moops.
If anyone has ever seen my bedroom walls, you know that I save all my ticket stubs. If you're bored to the point of tears (in heaven), there's some pictures in the 4th chapter of my odd, oh biography. I've never admitted this... but one of the tickets is a FREAKIN' FUGAZI. That's right. It's from a show I never attended. Pure blasphemy. And it's a Clapton ticket from a 1998 show at the MGM Grand in Vegas. My parents got some comp tickets at the main desk and checked it out. They left a few songs in. "Oh Rick, it was soooo loud. It was basically intolerable." Oddly enough, knowing my penchant for concert memorabilia... she mailed me the ticket stub. So 15 years later in 2013, I finally got to see my Clapton-bucket list concert. I suppose it all came full circle.
Tuesday, April 02, 2013
Wheeling Dog Park Revisited
My hunch is they'll choose option C.
No Dogs AllowedApril 2, 2013 - Heather ZieglerThere is a new sign posted at the entrance to Mount Calvary Cemetery in Wheeling. It simply states "No Dogs." It's a green sign placed next to the cemetery sign. You might miss it if you drive too fast past it, but people walking their dogs ought to be able to see it right away. The sign resulted after a woman, whose family is buried there, complained about dog dirt on the road and on gravesites. She lamented that it's holy ground and people ought to respect that. After all there is a park right next to the cemetery, a walking trail nearby and plenty of public sidewalks on which to walk dogs. Chad Carter, chancellor for the diocese, agreed and had the sign placed in the cemetery. Workers are encouraged to DISCOURAGE those found walking their pets in the graveyard. I applaud that effort. The woman who made the complaint told me that even if dog owners pick up their animal's excrement, the dogs are still urinating in the cemetery. "You can't pick up urine!" she said. The cemetery has enough challenges with wildlife -- deer, rabbits, geese, etc. -- and they don't need to be cleaning up after pets. Across the road at Greenwood Cemetery, pets have not been allowed in the graveyard for at least 15 years. It took some time to convince pet owners who walked their dogs there, but officials said it has finally sunk in to most people. If there was ever an argument for establishing a dog park in Wheeling, this is it!Comments: sonofsaf I live adjacent to the Mt. Cavalry cemetery, so I feel my input is both relevant and justified. Some random thoughts. Firstly, I applaud the politically correct reference to canine excrement as dog "dirt." Excessive vulgarity regarding animal waste expulsion is wholly unnecessary in a civilized society. Kudos. Secondly, I concur with the aforementioned woman's observation. "You can't pick up urine!" Indeed... we hold this truth to be self evident. Perhaps the time has finally come for pet owners to establish a higher degree of accountability regarding future animalistic urinary endeavors aka "pee parties." I would suggest something in the way of attachable plastic "weenie bags" or in the case of b*tches... vag bags. Finally, this post fails to address any problems associated with pet vomit. Dog vomit, or as I like to call it, woof-barf, is a growing epidemic. Mandatory "puker scoopers," enforced by the Ohio County Health Department could constitute a viable solution. The cause is just and it could become a significant, bone-us source of revenue for the city of Wheeling. |
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Go Pens - Game 4 tonight.