Great news. I'm posting my first ever anonymous restaurant review. Although Uncle Pete's was reviewed a few months ago, I thought it might be nice to get a different perspective. And here it is...
My thoughts on Uncle Pete's:
1. I had the turkey special and it was filling, good though..
2. Quality of service - very quick, but not real friendly (which is fine with me)....so it's a good place to go for lunch...
3. Yes good...I love Uncle Pete's even though most of what I order is unhealthy food, but my favorite thing about it is the atmosphere....I like the sections of the restaurant....it divides it up and makes it less distracting, you can be more into the conversation with the people you came with less interruptions.....I like that....
I'd like to thank the individual (who shall remain anonymous) for his/her input. If anyone else has a review, I'd be more than happy to entertain the possibility of future special guest reviews. Light profanity encouraged.
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Friday, May 20, 2005
chicken, steak, fish
I haven't made a post in about a month so this one's long overdue. Back in 1993 when my parents moved to Arizona, my father bestowed upon me some important words of wisdom. He said, "Rick, if you want good chicken, go to Riesbecks. If you want good steak, go to Kroger. And if you want bad fish, go to Giant Eagle." Then he wished me well, jumped in the mini-van and started their journey across the country. Some might think - Wow, what an emotional tear-jerker. I guess that's why Saf wears his emotions on his sleeve. Anyway, let's get past that and examine this statement.
I think we can all agree that Riesbecks is the place for chicken. The fried chicken in their deli is only second best to Safeway. Since there are no Safeways in the area, it takes the number one spot. Regardless of their superior chicken, there is a deep, dark secret about Riesbecks that I must share. I used to work there back in the late 80's, early 90's. I was basically a carry-out, stocked shelves, mopped up apple sauce in aisle 2, etc. Anyway, I was getting ready to go on my break and I saw an elderly man getting a newspaper from the machine outside. I asked him, "Hey, is it alright if I grab one of those (I kind of reached in the machine simultaneously)." He screamed, "Oh no you don't!" and slammed the door on my wrist. I called him a "mother fucking cock-sucker" Needless to say, he went inside and complained to the management. Apparently, my boss didn't appreciate me using that specific type of vulgarity. Anyway, they cut my hours to one shift per week so it would become an exercise in futility. I quit shortly thereafter. So it's obvious that I have mixed feelings about Riesbecks. Nonetheless, I applaud their chicken. An interesting sidenote, I bought an assortment of fried chicken on Wednesday night and I asked them if I could have some paper towels. One woman behind the counter offered me some plastic utensils with the napkins inside. I requested about 6 of them and another woman said, "We'll have to charge him for that." I thought to myself - who the hell charges customers for the individually wrapped fork-knife-spoon-salt-pepper-napkin combo? Then she said, "there are some napkins by the self-serve soup stand." I opted for the napkin approach which worked well.
Kroger is always the best local place to buy steak unless you bring Sam's Club into the picture. Sam's probably has the best, but when my father made the statement, I don't think there was a Sam's Club in St. C. Thus, he is vindicated.
Giant Eagle sucked - always has sucked and always will suck. They boast the worst pseudo-deli in the land. Unless you like shit - olive ham loaf spread and low-end slimy turkey breast come to mind. The brand names are a bit strange too (Sarah Bee instead of Sara Lee, Jennie-Blow instead of Jennie-O... Well, you get the picture. When the flood hit that shithole in Bridgeport, the residents should have celebrated. I say loot and pillage that building of crapulence. Then, treat the employees Abu-Gharaib, wolfman berzerker style. And, my father was correct - their fish sucks. Go to Coleman's or better yet, Wholly's in the Strip.
I think we can all agree that Riesbecks is the place for chicken. The fried chicken in their deli is only second best to Safeway. Since there are no Safeways in the area, it takes the number one spot. Regardless of their superior chicken, there is a deep, dark secret about Riesbecks that I must share. I used to work there back in the late 80's, early 90's. I was basically a carry-out, stocked shelves, mopped up apple sauce in aisle 2, etc. Anyway, I was getting ready to go on my break and I saw an elderly man getting a newspaper from the machine outside. I asked him, "Hey, is it alright if I grab one of those (I kind of reached in the machine simultaneously)." He screamed, "Oh no you don't!" and slammed the door on my wrist. I called him a "mother fucking cock-sucker" Needless to say, he went inside and complained to the management. Apparently, my boss didn't appreciate me using that specific type of vulgarity. Anyway, they cut my hours to one shift per week so it would become an exercise in futility. I quit shortly thereafter. So it's obvious that I have mixed feelings about Riesbecks. Nonetheless, I applaud their chicken. An interesting sidenote, I bought an assortment of fried chicken on Wednesday night and I asked them if I could have some paper towels. One woman behind the counter offered me some plastic utensils with the napkins inside. I requested about 6 of them and another woman said, "We'll have to charge him for that." I thought to myself - who the hell charges customers for the individually wrapped fork-knife-spoon-salt-pepper-napkin combo? Then she said, "there are some napkins by the self-serve soup stand." I opted for the napkin approach which worked well.
Kroger is always the best local place to buy steak unless you bring Sam's Club into the picture. Sam's probably has the best, but when my father made the statement, I don't think there was a Sam's Club in St. C. Thus, he is vindicated.
Giant Eagle sucked - always has sucked and always will suck. They boast the worst pseudo-deli in the land. Unless you like shit - olive ham loaf spread and low-end slimy turkey breast come to mind. The brand names are a bit strange too (Sarah Bee instead of Sara Lee, Jennie-Blow instead of Jennie-O... Well, you get the picture. When the flood hit that shithole in Bridgeport, the residents should have celebrated. I say loot and pillage that building of crapulence. Then, treat the employees Abu-Gharaib, wolfman berzerker style. And, my father was correct - their fish sucks. Go to Coleman's or better yet, Wholly's in the Strip.
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
The best DiCarlos?
The phone was on its eigth ring at Dicarlo's and none of workers seemed interested, so I picked it up and yelled "DICK", then mumbled "arlos". The man called Patsy was not amused.
Nonetheless, I still get pizza there - probably about once a month. It's interesting how everyone has their preferences when it comes to this Ohio Valley institution. Some love it, some hate it. Some think it's great pizza, others say it doesn't even qualify as pizza. Some say it's unacceptable to order all ends. Some refer to it as sauce on a cracker. Some people will wait for over half an hour and bitch even though they're well aware of the call in process. Some get free additional slices. Most people do not. Some get to "cut the line" - others have to wait. Some people put money into that plastic dog thing (a charity for some kid who died in 1992), most people do not. Some people act drunk, others play the out-dated Miss Pacman game. Some ask to use the bathroom, most don't even know it exists. Even though it's a chain, the pizza at each one is entirely different, except for the square shape. My favorite thing about Dicarlo's is the way people throw the leftover boxes out their car windows in the middle of the night. They can be spotted by the faithful Sunday morning churchgoers all over the valley. On it goes.
Anyway, here's an opportunity to air your thoughts on Dicarlo's - anything really. Xtra cheese or not, which one has the best pizza, is it pizza, most slices eaten in a single outing, most time spent loitering in the parking lot next to the no-loitering sign, blah, etc.
Nonetheless, I still get pizza there - probably about once a month. It's interesting how everyone has their preferences when it comes to this Ohio Valley institution. Some love it, some hate it. Some think it's great pizza, others say it doesn't even qualify as pizza. Some say it's unacceptable to order all ends. Some refer to it as sauce on a cracker. Some people will wait for over half an hour and bitch even though they're well aware of the call in process. Some get free additional slices. Most people do not. Some get to "cut the line" - others have to wait. Some people put money into that plastic dog thing (a charity for some kid who died in 1992), most people do not. Some people act drunk, others play the out-dated Miss Pacman game. Some ask to use the bathroom, most don't even know it exists. Even though it's a chain, the pizza at each one is entirely different, except for the square shape. My favorite thing about Dicarlo's is the way people throw the leftover boxes out their car windows in the middle of the night. They can be spotted by the faithful Sunday morning churchgoers all over the valley. On it goes.
Anyway, here's an opportunity to air your thoughts on Dicarlo's - anything really. Xtra cheese or not, which one has the best pizza, is it pizza, most slices eaten in a single outing, most time spent loitering in the parking lot next to the no-loitering sign, blah, etc.
Monday, May 02, 2005
Hoss's
I'm not sure whether to call this place Hoss's, Hosses, or Hoss. Let's just say they all suck ass. This place over by the Elm Grove exit is a disaster. I once ate their buffet. It was absolutely disgusting. There were a ton of flies buzzing around and one of them was stuck in some pudding struggling for its life. When you have empty space on the buffet, nothing fills it better than pudding. Whether chocolate, tapioca or vanilla, rest assured, Hoss has plenty of pudding alternatives in the dessert section. The thing I don't like about Hoss's buffet is the plentiful variations of the same food. For example, rather than just have chili, they'll have chili, sloppy joes, hamburgers, tacos and on it goes. A buffett is all about OPTIONS. Honestly, they should take a look at the infamous Super Buffett (the Chinese place next to TJ's - they have tons of choices although regrettably, they all suck as well).
From now on, I'll refer to the entity of Hoss's as simply "Hoss". What's realy bothersome is why. Why was Hoss selected to represent the Elm Grove area at such a visble and worthy location. Honestly, I would have preferred another fast food joint, even back to back Wendys sounds more appealing. Come to think of it, Hoss's predecessor Youngs Cafeteria wasn't that great either. It was just a poor version of Mehlman's Cafeteria with slightly higher prices and a decreased emphasis on lima beans. Hoss should never have gotten the go ahead to purchase the building. Maybe it's part of the mayor's ultimate plan to have a ton of crappy restaurants in Wheeling so his seems like the best choice. Perhaps that's what's going on here - an actual conspiracy - comparable to the guy with the 3 anti-car wash signs right next to the car wash. Who is this guy anyway? You know - the guy who was going to build his own car wash and was denied (by the city) and then got to see someone else build a car wash 30 feet next to his spot.
Hoss is very popular among the elderly. Tons of handicapped parking even though every parking spot is right next to the entrance. Plenty of oxygen tanks and wheelchairs - I thought I was at a Benny Hinn crusade. Maybe Hoss could compete with Hinn. It would be a cinch. Just have Mr. Hoss come on television and claim his 3 puddings represent the father, the son and the holy ghost. If you eat them all, you are blessed. Kind of like a pudding baptismal. The elderly patrons can dunk their heads in each of the 3 puddings and then dizzily walk around the Hoss lobby proclaiming they've been "puddified". Don't dismiss this. I think it would make for a great promotional campaign, and pudding is dirt cheap - probably the most cost-effective way to promote the Lord ever conceived. Just think of all the different pudding formations. I saw Jesus in the pudding. I saw Noah's Ark in the pudding (next to the aforementioned fly which could be construed as one of the insects that came to the ark in twosies, twosies, even though there's only one fly). I saw the virgin Mary's vagina - this one was spotted in the strawberry pudding. Alright, sadly enough, I'll end it on that note.
From now on, I'll refer to the entity of Hoss's as simply "Hoss". What's realy bothersome is why. Why was Hoss selected to represent the Elm Grove area at such a visble and worthy location. Honestly, I would have preferred another fast food joint, even back to back Wendys sounds more appealing. Come to think of it, Hoss's predecessor Youngs Cafeteria wasn't that great either. It was just a poor version of Mehlman's Cafeteria with slightly higher prices and a decreased emphasis on lima beans. Hoss should never have gotten the go ahead to purchase the building. Maybe it's part of the mayor's ultimate plan to have a ton of crappy restaurants in Wheeling so his seems like the best choice. Perhaps that's what's going on here - an actual conspiracy - comparable to the guy with the 3 anti-car wash signs right next to the car wash. Who is this guy anyway? You know - the guy who was going to build his own car wash and was denied (by the city) and then got to see someone else build a car wash 30 feet next to his spot.
Hoss is very popular among the elderly. Tons of handicapped parking even though every parking spot is right next to the entrance. Plenty of oxygen tanks and wheelchairs - I thought I was at a Benny Hinn crusade. Maybe Hoss could compete with Hinn. It would be a cinch. Just have Mr. Hoss come on television and claim his 3 puddings represent the father, the son and the holy ghost. If you eat them all, you are blessed. Kind of like a pudding baptismal. The elderly patrons can dunk their heads in each of the 3 puddings and then dizzily walk around the Hoss lobby proclaiming they've been "puddified". Don't dismiss this. I think it would make for a great promotional campaign, and pudding is dirt cheap - probably the most cost-effective way to promote the Lord ever conceived. Just think of all the different pudding formations. I saw Jesus in the pudding. I saw Noah's Ark in the pudding (next to the aforementioned fly which could be construed as one of the insects that came to the ark in twosies, twosies, even though there's only one fly). I saw the virgin Mary's vagina - this one was spotted in the strawberry pudding. Alright, sadly enough, I'll end it on that note.
Thursday, April 28, 2005
Figs
I always hear, "Saf, you suck. You go out to eat and all you do is bitch." This is generally true. Probably because most of the places to eat in Wheeling rank somewhere between mid-end and poor. There is an exception. Lo and behold, it's Figaretti's. This place is decent. The food is always above average. The atmosphere is very pleasant. The sevrice is exceptional. Even the parking situation is good, although it is subdivided into 2 separate lots. Fortunately, if the 2 lots are full, you can even park in a nearby dentist's lot. The dentist's lot probably has the best asphalt but it's also the farthest walk.
I usually just go here for lunch but every once in a while I'll try dinner. Most of my reviews are based on lunches anyway. I highly recommend the mushroom ravioli. Just about any of the pasta dishes are ok although the menu has an interesting discrepancy. The term meatballs actually refers to one lone meatball. This is comparable to the old bait and switch. The only other problem is the musical selection. They have a comprehensive jukebox but if the owner is present all he will listen to is a Frank Sinatra Greatest Hits cd. Although some think, wow great, that's perfect for an Italian restaurant, I find it gets a bit obsessive and stale. Keep in mind, this is the same cd played over and over again. Sometimes you may even hear the same song repeatedly played during the same meal. I mean, hey, we all like "ol blue eyes" but there comes a breaking point. In fact, I really don't like Sinatra at all. Come to think of it, I really don't mind Sinatra - what I despise are the karaoke imitators. You can also substitute Neil Diamond on this one. Sweet Caroline could be the most annoying bar sing-a-long song of all time. On a scale of 1-10, Figs gets a solid 8.5.
I usually just go here for lunch but every once in a while I'll try dinner. Most of my reviews are based on lunches anyway. I highly recommend the mushroom ravioli. Just about any of the pasta dishes are ok although the menu has an interesting discrepancy. The term meatballs actually refers to one lone meatball. This is comparable to the old bait and switch. The only other problem is the musical selection. They have a comprehensive jukebox but if the owner is present all he will listen to is a Frank Sinatra Greatest Hits cd. Although some think, wow great, that's perfect for an Italian restaurant, I find it gets a bit obsessive and stale. Keep in mind, this is the same cd played over and over again. Sometimes you may even hear the same song repeatedly played during the same meal. I mean, hey, we all like "ol blue eyes" but there comes a breaking point. In fact, I really don't like Sinatra at all. Come to think of it, I really don't mind Sinatra - what I despise are the karaoke imitators. You can also substitute Neil Diamond on this one. Sweet Caroline could be the most annoying bar sing-a-long song of all time. On a scale of 1-10, Figs gets a solid 8.5.
Friday, April 22, 2005
Hampton Inn
Most of you probably don't realize that the Hampton Inn offers breakfast. I dropped off a porn star (Briana Banks) at the hotel late Wed. night/Thursday morning. I couldn't believe the set-up they had. I didn't actually see the food, but the prep work and presentation were very strong. You're probably thinking to yourself, "Jesus Christ! Saf, that food is for guests only." Well, this could be true. I'm going to test this theory Monday morning.
I've been running pretty much everyday. I may even attempt the Elby's Distance Race although I think 20K could be a bit of a stretch. I asked Ben Schmitt if he thought I could run the Elby's and he pointedly said NO. I do appreciate the candor though. And I'll admit, he's probably right. Anyway, I'm going to start running in the morning - and I plan to run from my place to the Hampton Inn. Probably get there about 8:30am. I realize that most of you are sitting at a desk around that time, but if you aren't and want to meet up to try out the breakfast buffet, let me know. After a light breakfast, I'll probably walk/jog back home.
Now I'm sure you're thinking, after a few times the hotel people will probably get wise and put an end to the free buffet loader. Maybe, maybe not. We'll have to wait and see. Either way, I'll let you know how everything was and my success ratio until I get caught. Any predictions on how many times I'll get away with it before they say something????? Feel free to post it. I predict I'll be able to go 12 times - not back to back.
I've been running pretty much everyday. I may even attempt the Elby's Distance Race although I think 20K could be a bit of a stretch. I asked Ben Schmitt if he thought I could run the Elby's and he pointedly said NO. I do appreciate the candor though. And I'll admit, he's probably right. Anyway, I'm going to start running in the morning - and I plan to run from my place to the Hampton Inn. Probably get there about 8:30am. I realize that most of you are sitting at a desk around that time, but if you aren't and want to meet up to try out the breakfast buffet, let me know. After a light breakfast, I'll probably walk/jog back home.
Now I'm sure you're thinking, after a few times the hotel people will probably get wise and put an end to the free buffet loader. Maybe, maybe not. We'll have to wait and see. Either way, I'll let you know how everything was and my success ratio until I get caught. Any predictions on how many times I'll get away with it before they say something????? Feel free to post it. I predict I'll be able to go 12 times - not back to back.
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Walmart food
I normally try to avoid reviewing chain restaurants, but since we all shop at the big W from time to time, I thought I'd mention a few things.
First, Walmart has fantastic pistachio nuts. Since Mediterranean quisine is decent and springtime has arrived, I thought I'd mention this. These are the white pistachios so you don't get that fake red ink on your fingers. It's good to see that those red nuts have fizzled out of the mainstream. I think their reign of terror ended in the early 90's.
Next, their cranberry and ruby red fruit juices are really good. Not as concentrated as Ocean Spray, a little bit lighter and noticeably less expensive.
Their candy bar aisle has tons of minitiarized choices - all for a buck. I prefer Twix (the candy bar with the cookie crunch) as well as the all purpose Nestle Crunch and about once a year, I'll even get a 10-pack of Mounds. I suggest we write our congressman, Hersheys or whoever and try to get minitiarized Heath Bars and Skor into the marketplace. This is long overdue.
I would avoid things like canned tuna or soup - I always get the feeling that they have expired, why else would they end up in the overstocked aisle with all the off-spices like marjoram and curry.
I also highly recommend the Walmart brand cheese curls. They are way better than the more expensive Frito Lay brand.
Note: avoid Walmart brand or Sam's Club bottled water. If you plan on purchasing bottled water, these are the best choices.
1) the best - Roxane
2) Crystal Geiser
3) Ice Mountain
4) Dannon
The worst possible choices of bottled water are Dasani and Aquafina. Dasani does not even taste like water. It tastes like iron loaded with extra minerals. And everytime I see someone with a bottle of Aquafina - it seems like they're always dancing (doing the twist or the hustle). I don't care for people who dance while drinking Aquafina.
First, Walmart has fantastic pistachio nuts. Since Mediterranean quisine is decent and springtime has arrived, I thought I'd mention this. These are the white pistachios so you don't get that fake red ink on your fingers. It's good to see that those red nuts have fizzled out of the mainstream. I think their reign of terror ended in the early 90's.
Next, their cranberry and ruby red fruit juices are really good. Not as concentrated as Ocean Spray, a little bit lighter and noticeably less expensive.
Their candy bar aisle has tons of minitiarized choices - all for a buck. I prefer Twix (the candy bar with the cookie crunch) as well as the all purpose Nestle Crunch and about once a year, I'll even get a 10-pack of Mounds. I suggest we write our congressman, Hersheys or whoever and try to get minitiarized Heath Bars and Skor into the marketplace. This is long overdue.
I would avoid things like canned tuna or soup - I always get the feeling that they have expired, why else would they end up in the overstocked aisle with all the off-spices like marjoram and curry.
I also highly recommend the Walmart brand cheese curls. They are way better than the more expensive Frito Lay brand.
Note: avoid Walmart brand or Sam's Club bottled water. If you plan on purchasing bottled water, these are the best choices.
1) the best - Roxane
2) Crystal Geiser
3) Ice Mountain
4) Dannon
The worst possible choices of bottled water are Dasani and Aquafina. Dasani does not even taste like water. It tastes like iron loaded with extra minerals. And everytime I see someone with a bottle of Aquafina - it seems like they're always dancing (doing the twist or the hustle). I don't care for people who dance while drinking Aquafina.
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Mexican place in Elm Grove
I'm not sure what this restaurant is called but I have eaten there 3 times. In general, I'm not entirely sold on Mexican food. My father used to refer to it as plates of "regurgitated dogshit". He would bark out, "Everything on this menu is the same thing". There is some truth in that.
The menu at this place has a huge list of offerings. I'd say about 100 different lunch choices. And as you may have guessed, they're pretty much all identical. I opted for the Speedy Gonzales. That's one chicken taco, one beef taco and some refried beans. It was neither good nor bad. In fact, as I consumed it, I was overcome with intense feelings of neutrality. I neglected to mention that it also came with a side of white rice. I've never had a meal where the rice stood out, but this could have been the one.
All in all, I'd say this place is a poor mans Chi Chis - not exactly warranting high praise. However, it was really cheap and the service (considering we were the only ones in the place) was decent.
I don't know many Mexican people and I especially don't care for their soccer team. Their fans are unruly but have no concept of hooliganism. They're more likely to pelt the opposing team with batteries. That's pretty weak. The US team was recently beaten in Mexico City (2-1). We will face them next in Columbus, Ohio in September. I predict a convincing victory.
As for Mexican food, it should generally be avoided. Why would anyone go out of there way to eat it? It's kind of like going to a fine Italian restaurant and ordering spaghetti. Why would you dine out and eat the most simplistic thing on the menu - kind of defeats the purpose of dining out, ehh?
The menu at this place has a huge list of offerings. I'd say about 100 different lunch choices. And as you may have guessed, they're pretty much all identical. I opted for the Speedy Gonzales. That's one chicken taco, one beef taco and some refried beans. It was neither good nor bad. In fact, as I consumed it, I was overcome with intense feelings of neutrality. I neglected to mention that it also came with a side of white rice. I've never had a meal where the rice stood out, but this could have been the one.
All in all, I'd say this place is a poor mans Chi Chis - not exactly warranting high praise. However, it was really cheap and the service (considering we were the only ones in the place) was decent.
I don't know many Mexican people and I especially don't care for their soccer team. Their fans are unruly but have no concept of hooliganism. They're more likely to pelt the opposing team with batteries. That's pretty weak. The US team was recently beaten in Mexico City (2-1). We will face them next in Columbus, Ohio in September. I predict a convincing victory.
As for Mexican food, it should generally be avoided. Why would anyone go out of there way to eat it? It's kind of like going to a fine Italian restaurant and ordering spaghetti. Why would you dine out and eat the most simplistic thing on the menu - kind of defeats the purpose of dining out, ehh?
Monday, April 18, 2005
Sheetz
Considering the fact that this is Wheeling, WV, I guess Sheetz qualifies as a restaurant and is reviewable material. The problem is... I've never eaten there. There's usually a line of 7 or 8 people milling around the computerized food terminal. The place is always packed so I've decided to just use it as an alternative gasoline source (my primary choice is Kroger, tertiary choice would have to be Woodsdale Exxon, formerly BP). This may change due to the Ed Coyne factor and I may have to boycott Sheetz in its entirety. If anyone wants to protest the Sheetz, let me know. We could make up some signs and go old school Benny Hinn via Mellon Arena. I just wouldn't want anyone to think I'm protesting Sheetz on behalf of Vance Church. Ironically, that's the one thing I love about Sheetz. It's a total eyesore next to a religious organization.
Seriously though, there's always a line 5 people deep at the register (some of them are morbidly obese, so the line has to kind of bend into the other line - that sucks, I don't support integration of multiple lines at convenience stores).
Another thing I don't care for is the color of the building. Get a grip - Sheetz is NOT Southwest Airlines. In fact, considering the LSD inspired color scheme, maybe they should call themselves Sheets (of Acid).
Another problem is the walk-in beer cooler. I feel like I'm in the enclosed porn section of the video rental store in Elm Grove. And to top it off, it's really not that cold in there. I once got a 12 pack of Miller Lite cans and it was only luke-cold.
Purely out of loyalty to Ed Coyne, I suggest we all boycott this orange/red monstrosity - unless it's for food after 3am because no matter how much Hardees claims to have improved, it still sucks cocks (in a veritable plethora of shapes and sizes). Except the Ham and Cheese sandwich, which is marginally edible if you're really hungry.
I did watch Heather Stollar eat a sandwich from Sheetz. I asked her how it was and she said it was "ok".
Seriously though, there's always a line 5 people deep at the register (some of them are morbidly obese, so the line has to kind of bend into the other line - that sucks, I don't support integration of multiple lines at convenience stores).
Another thing I don't care for is the color of the building. Get a grip - Sheetz is NOT Southwest Airlines. In fact, considering the LSD inspired color scheme, maybe they should call themselves Sheets (of Acid).
Another problem is the walk-in beer cooler. I feel like I'm in the enclosed porn section of the video rental store in Elm Grove. And to top it off, it's really not that cold in there. I once got a 12 pack of Miller Lite cans and it was only luke-cold.
Purely out of loyalty to Ed Coyne, I suggest we all boycott this orange/red monstrosity - unless it's for food after 3am because no matter how much Hardees claims to have improved, it still sucks cocks (in a veritable plethora of shapes and sizes). Except the Ham and Cheese sandwich, which is marginally edible if you're really hungry.
I did watch Heather Stollar eat a sandwich from Sheetz. I asked her how it was and she said it was "ok".
Thursday, April 14, 2005
Nail City
Alright, time to get back into the swing of things. That means restaurant reviews - not unsubstantiated propaganda.
I think they call this place River City these days, but I prefer Nail City. When this place first opened, it was pretty spectacular. They did a great job with the building - considering that before the renovations, it looked similar to Rogers Hotel up the street. I remember when they first opened up. The food was mediocre and the "home brew" was sketchy. I'm not a big fan of raspberry wheat or blueberry beer. Then a few years passed and the place really took a nosedive. Everything about the place really sucked. My ex-girlfriend even sued the place because a stall door in the restroom came unhinged and fell on her toe. Fortunately, I think she only lost a few hundred bucks due to the expertise of her attorney. His name will go unmentioned. At the time, he didn't have a license to practice law in the state of WV. I think he was, at best, an unconventional paralegal. The next time you hire an attorney, just ask to see their license. If they give you the run-around, something is probably askew.
Anyway, I ate at Nail City a couple weeks ago. I was absolutely blown away. The food was surprisingly good - nice presentation and a very generous portion. Our waiter looked like El Debarge or maybe he was just named Debarge. Let's just say that I could feel the rhythm of the night, although it was early in the afternoon. Everyone's meal was decent - no complaints. I did see a local stock broker whom I don't care for, but that wasn't the fault of the restaurant.
I heard that on Friday Night's they charge kids aged 18-20 a $10.00 cover to come in and dance. I think they give them a wristband or something so they don't drink. I can't beleive this is legal.
I don't normally advocate vandalism, but I think it would be cool if a group of disgruntled teenagers threw bricks at all the giant windows of Nail City. People from Wesbanco would gather outside the main branch and sob while viewing the broken glass. Local police would set up a perimeter of yellow caution tape so nobody accidentally steps on the glass and then decides to sue. Damage would be in the neighborhood of 10-15 grand. A while back I would have promoted this idea, but since the food has improved so dramatically, I'll refrain.
I think they call this place River City these days, but I prefer Nail City. When this place first opened, it was pretty spectacular. They did a great job with the building - considering that before the renovations, it looked similar to Rogers Hotel up the street. I remember when they first opened up. The food was mediocre and the "home brew" was sketchy. I'm not a big fan of raspberry wheat or blueberry beer. Then a few years passed and the place really took a nosedive. Everything about the place really sucked. My ex-girlfriend even sued the place because a stall door in the restroom came unhinged and fell on her toe. Fortunately, I think she only lost a few hundred bucks due to the expertise of her attorney. His name will go unmentioned. At the time, he didn't have a license to practice law in the state of WV. I think he was, at best, an unconventional paralegal. The next time you hire an attorney, just ask to see their license. If they give you the run-around, something is probably askew.
Anyway, I ate at Nail City a couple weeks ago. I was absolutely blown away. The food was surprisingly good - nice presentation and a very generous portion. Our waiter looked like El Debarge or maybe he was just named Debarge. Let's just say that I could feel the rhythm of the night, although it was early in the afternoon. Everyone's meal was decent - no complaints. I did see a local stock broker whom I don't care for, but that wasn't the fault of the restaurant.
I heard that on Friday Night's they charge kids aged 18-20 a $10.00 cover to come in and dance. I think they give them a wristband or something so they don't drink. I can't beleive this is legal.
I don't normally advocate vandalism, but I think it would be cool if a group of disgruntled teenagers threw bricks at all the giant windows of Nail City. People from Wesbanco would gather outside the main branch and sob while viewing the broken glass. Local police would set up a perimeter of yellow caution tape so nobody accidentally steps on the glass and then decides to sue. Damage would be in the neighborhood of 10-15 grand. A while back I would have promoted this idea, but since the food has improved so dramatically, I'll refrain.
Thursday, March 31, 2005
feeding tubes
In light of the recent death of Terri Schiavo, I thought it might be advisable to convey a few thoughts. I'm not sure a feeding tube is fair game for a restaurant review column, but this blog sometimes follows a meandering protocol. Here we go...
The manner in which the right wing, Christian pro-life fundamentilists portrayed Michael Schiavo was absolutely disgusting. The way half our US Senate tried to use this dreadful incident to increase their political capital was even more abhorrent. Some idiot Portugese Cardinal or high-up in the church (I really don't care or honor the distinctions that make someone a pope, bishop, cardinal or whatever - those are some pretty embarrassing discrepancies) said today that the death of Terri Schiavo was an "Attack against God". What on earth qualifies this as mainstream news?
Wouldn't it be the ultimate irony if the pope, who appears to be in the process of getting his own feeding tube, undergoes similar "life-preserving" procedures and ends up totally incapacitated? Sometimes things really do come full circle on this planet. Considering the FACT that the pope encourages and is largely responsible for the denial of womens' rights on an unprecedented scale all across the globe, I think it would be a fitting tribute to his legacy to end up in a similar state of existence. I secretly hope (well I really don't keep it a secret) that they end up wheeling the pope to his window for mass hooked up to a ventilator, feeding tube, and whatever other medical contraption they can find. Then, he could be the one blinking, belching and farting as millions find comfort in his "wisdom". Wait a minute, isn't that pretty much what he does right now.
Although this may sound like a tirade against the Catholic Church and the pope, it really isn't. I assure you that I'm an equal opportunity basher of all the worlds' great religions. Don't despair and don't take offense. I have respect for most people, but absolutely no tolerance for the organized religious brainwashing process that starts from day one. Holy water???? Give me a fuckin' break. I'd much rather be doused with Dewars.
The manner in which the right wing, Christian pro-life fundamentilists portrayed Michael Schiavo was absolutely disgusting. The way half our US Senate tried to use this dreadful incident to increase their political capital was even more abhorrent. Some idiot Portugese Cardinal or high-up in the church (I really don't care or honor the distinctions that make someone a pope, bishop, cardinal or whatever - those are some pretty embarrassing discrepancies) said today that the death of Terri Schiavo was an "Attack against God". What on earth qualifies this as mainstream news?
Wouldn't it be the ultimate irony if the pope, who appears to be in the process of getting his own feeding tube, undergoes similar "life-preserving" procedures and ends up totally incapacitated? Sometimes things really do come full circle on this planet. Considering the FACT that the pope encourages and is largely responsible for the denial of womens' rights on an unprecedented scale all across the globe, I think it would be a fitting tribute to his legacy to end up in a similar state of existence. I secretly hope (well I really don't keep it a secret) that they end up wheeling the pope to his window for mass hooked up to a ventilator, feeding tube, and whatever other medical contraption they can find. Then, he could be the one blinking, belching and farting as millions find comfort in his "wisdom". Wait a minute, isn't that pretty much what he does right now.
Although this may sound like a tirade against the Catholic Church and the pope, it really isn't. I assure you that I'm an equal opportunity basher of all the worlds' great religions. Don't despair and don't take offense. I have respect for most people, but absolutely no tolerance for the organized religious brainwashing process that starts from day one. Holy water???? Give me a fuckin' break. I'd much rather be doused with Dewars.
Monday, March 28, 2005
Charlie Chan / Panda
There used to be a fast food Chinese place at the Ohio Valley Mall called Charlie Chan. They closed down for a few months and reopened as "Panda". Oddly enough, the menu and the set-up remained exactly the same. Panda closed down a few years ago and I'm not sure what it is these days. It might be a pretzel shop or something.
Charlie Chan was notorious for bringing bad Chinese food to the people of Belmont County. Fortunately, the good people of Eastern Ohio are not able to discern what constitutes good or bad "Americanized-Chinese food" - a blessing in disguise. Spring rolls and egg rolls are the same thing. Those little fried noodles that accompany Wonton soup are properly referred to as Fritos. Over half the patrons do not understand the term MSG. If you ask, most will stare blankly and say uhhh, Madison Square Garden.
One of my biggest gripes about any Chinese restaurant are the placemats. They all have that Chinese zodiac which dates all the way up to 2060 - just in case you're big on advance planning and don't want your future daughter Shameka to be labeled a turtle. OOOOhhhh, you are friends with the rabbit, your enemy is the dog. Do not trust the rooster. I think this is where George Bush derives his diplomatic skills when dealing with foreign leaders. I'm not sure, but I'd be willing to bet that Osama is a snake.
Anyway, the menu had some really dumb names. The combos were all called, Number One Son, Number Two Son, Number Three Son, etc. As if saying those names is not humiliating enough, you could always say "Mmmmm, I'll have the Chicken Chan." This was a some of the whitest chicken breast meat I have ever seen. Served on a stick, it probably had more steroids pumped into it than Barry Bonds.
The seating was interesting. There was a triangle table in the middle which sat 3. Then, there were 5 stools on the side. The strange thing was that you had to eat facing the wall with your back turned to everything. You were forced to sit and stare directly into the wall. You rarely see a restaurant with maximum seating of 8. Makes you wonder what the maximum occupancy for the firecode would have been.
Another thing, none of the cooks (there was only one "cook") were Asian. You'd place your order at the counter and then you'd hear somoeone dumping the crap into a deep fryer. There was none of the traditional Chinese music in the background. Instead, you get the Rick Dees American countdown. Coming in at Number 3 was Nu Shoes... I Can't Wait.
Charlie Chan was notorious for bringing bad Chinese food to the people of Belmont County. Fortunately, the good people of Eastern Ohio are not able to discern what constitutes good or bad "Americanized-Chinese food" - a blessing in disguise. Spring rolls and egg rolls are the same thing. Those little fried noodles that accompany Wonton soup are properly referred to as Fritos. Over half the patrons do not understand the term MSG. If you ask, most will stare blankly and say uhhh, Madison Square Garden.
One of my biggest gripes about any Chinese restaurant are the placemats. They all have that Chinese zodiac which dates all the way up to 2060 - just in case you're big on advance planning and don't want your future daughter Shameka to be labeled a turtle. OOOOhhhh, you are friends with the rabbit, your enemy is the dog. Do not trust the rooster. I think this is where George Bush derives his diplomatic skills when dealing with foreign leaders. I'm not sure, but I'd be willing to bet that Osama is a snake.
Anyway, the menu had some really dumb names. The combos were all called, Number One Son, Number Two Son, Number Three Son, etc. As if saying those names is not humiliating enough, you could always say "Mmmmm, I'll have the Chicken Chan." This was a some of the whitest chicken breast meat I have ever seen. Served on a stick, it probably had more steroids pumped into it than Barry Bonds.
The seating was interesting. There was a triangle table in the middle which sat 3. Then, there were 5 stools on the side. The strange thing was that you had to eat facing the wall with your back turned to everything. You were forced to sit and stare directly into the wall. You rarely see a restaurant with maximum seating of 8. Makes you wonder what the maximum occupancy for the firecode would have been.
Another thing, none of the cooks (there was only one "cook") were Asian. You'd place your order at the counter and then you'd hear somoeone dumping the crap into a deep fryer. There was none of the traditional Chinese music in the background. Instead, you get the Rick Dees American countdown. Coming in at Number 3 was Nu Shoes... I Can't Wait.
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
BREAD
Who among us does not enjoy a fresh baked loaf of bread? Bread was a staple of the Israelites. It's high in carbs but that probably wasn't a concern when they were fleeing the evil Pharoah. Speaking of religious tales, I have some complaints about organized religion and biblical nonsense that need to be told.
First of all, here's the big one. One of the most embarrasing aspects of religion is that it's SO fatalistic. Everything is always in "God's hands". This sickens me, not because I don't believe in gods, ghosts, and goblins, but rather because it serves as an all-purpose excuse for the horrific actions of man. Rather than blame the leader of a country for the senseless slaughter of millions, people can always say "Well, it's up to the Lord. He will guide us." What kind of inexcusable gibberish is this? How can an educated person get away with crap like this? Where's the culpability? Where's the rationality? Why do people instantly become such absolute dumbfucks when they invoke the higher power?
When you think about it, the existence of organized religion is surely the CRUELEST HOAX EVER PERPETUATED ON MANKIND. It's main function throughout the ages has been to serve as a divisive killing machine. Why is it a hoax? It's a hoax because there's no CREDIBILITY.
The worst possible scenario is when you come across a biology professor who teaches evolution and professes a belief in the supernatural. ANYONE WHO DENIES THE EVOLUTION OF MANKIND IS A FOOL.
My favorite is when someone says, "Don't you understand that evolution is just a theory?" How come there currently aren't apes "turning into man?" How do you reason with such idiots?
I realize that a lot of this may seem like argumentum ad hominum - that I'm not justifying my statements and just lashing out, but every once in a while this stuff really builds up.
I'll try to avoid these future tirades. After all, this is supposed to be about restaurant reviews.
One more thought, people either believe in the existence of a supreme being or they don't. I think an increasing number of people really don't care either way and an even greater amount will simply say "I don't know" - When people ask me, "Do you believe in God?" I respond by not only saying, no I don't, but I attempt to explain that I think the question itself is very humiliating. You're basically asking me if I am a complete moron. At least that's how I interpret the question these days. It's time for people who reject religious nonsense to become more aggressive and assertive with their contempt. There needs to be a better balance. It currently tips way too far in the other direction. Everyday people get away with spewing absolute nonsense. I'm just saying that it's the RESPONSIBILITY of the non-believer to take a stronger stance. You do the world a disservice by remaining silent.
First of all, here's the big one. One of the most embarrasing aspects of religion is that it's SO fatalistic. Everything is always in "God's hands". This sickens me, not because I don't believe in gods, ghosts, and goblins, but rather because it serves as an all-purpose excuse for the horrific actions of man. Rather than blame the leader of a country for the senseless slaughter of millions, people can always say "Well, it's up to the Lord. He will guide us." What kind of inexcusable gibberish is this? How can an educated person get away with crap like this? Where's the culpability? Where's the rationality? Why do people instantly become such absolute dumbfucks when they invoke the higher power?
When you think about it, the existence of organized religion is surely the CRUELEST HOAX EVER PERPETUATED ON MANKIND. It's main function throughout the ages has been to serve as a divisive killing machine. Why is it a hoax? It's a hoax because there's no CREDIBILITY.
The worst possible scenario is when you come across a biology professor who teaches evolution and professes a belief in the supernatural. ANYONE WHO DENIES THE EVOLUTION OF MANKIND IS A FOOL.
My favorite is when someone says, "Don't you understand that evolution is just a theory?" How come there currently aren't apes "turning into man?" How do you reason with such idiots?
I realize that a lot of this may seem like argumentum ad hominum - that I'm not justifying my statements and just lashing out, but every once in a while this stuff really builds up.
I'll try to avoid these future tirades. After all, this is supposed to be about restaurant reviews.
One more thought, people either believe in the existence of a supreme being or they don't. I think an increasing number of people really don't care either way and an even greater amount will simply say "I don't know" - When people ask me, "Do you believe in God?" I respond by not only saying, no I don't, but I attempt to explain that I think the question itself is very humiliating. You're basically asking me if I am a complete moron. At least that's how I interpret the question these days. It's time for people who reject religious nonsense to become more aggressive and assertive with their contempt. There needs to be a better balance. It currently tips way too far in the other direction. Everyday people get away with spewing absolute nonsense. I'm just saying that it's the RESPONSIBILITY of the non-believer to take a stronger stance. You do the world a disservice by remaining silent.
Friday, March 18, 2005
Lebanon Bakery
I ate there today. I don't give many favorable reviews, but I really like The Lebanon Bakery. It's probably one of the healthier places to dine. Great salads, questionable wedding soup, decent meat pies, good desserts, etc. Nothing negative to say. I even like the building as well as the location. Speaking of the location, it's located right next to the infamous MY CLUB. For those of you who don't know, the My Club is one of the oldest, proudest strip clubs in the area. It closed down about 9 months ago and rumor has it that the city is going to purchase the building and an adjacent lot. Appraised at $40,000, the city (in its infinite wisdom) is apparently offering $110,000.
My favorite My Club experience happened in the early 1990's. I did not witness this particular event - I read about it in the Wheeling Today section of the newspaper. Apparently, a woman (probably a prostitute) was being assualted by 2 men, so she "picked up a dead raccoon and started flailing it madly at her attackers". The alleged assailants quickly fled the area. This is all we know.
Although they rarely advertised, the My Club had a wide range of events...
Monday - C Section Night
Tuesday - Dental Improvement Night
Wednesday - Bring your 2 kids to work
Thursday - Celebrity bartenders! Featuring the clients of Russell Nesbitt
Friday - Amateur night (this could feasibly apply to every night)
Saturday - Special guest appearance by Sally Struthers. Meathead will be signing autographs at the bar.
Sunday - Menstrual Night
Speaking of menstruation, I had this corpulent neighbor in Oglebay Village. One day, she looked at me and said, "Eric, I'm not menstruating, I'm marinating." True story. I'll leave it at that.
My favorite My Club experience happened in the early 1990's. I did not witness this particular event - I read about it in the Wheeling Today section of the newspaper. Apparently, a woman (probably a prostitute) was being assualted by 2 men, so she "picked up a dead raccoon and started flailing it madly at her attackers". The alleged assailants quickly fled the area. This is all we know.
Although they rarely advertised, the My Club had a wide range of events...
Monday - C Section Night
Tuesday - Dental Improvement Night
Wednesday - Bring your 2 kids to work
Thursday - Celebrity bartenders! Featuring the clients of Russell Nesbitt
Friday - Amateur night (this could feasibly apply to every night)
Saturday - Special guest appearance by Sally Struthers. Meathead will be signing autographs at the bar.
Sunday - Menstrual Night
Speaking of menstruation, I had this corpulent neighbor in Oglebay Village. One day, she looked at me and said, "Eric, I'm not menstruating, I'm marinating." True story. I'll leave it at that.
Thursday, March 17, 2005
Kroger Salad Bar
Half the people in the U.S. incorrectly refer to Kroger as "Krogers". I am one of them. Maybe it's not a big deal, but what if one day, everyone starts saying "Giant Eagles" or "Food Lions". Then again, many among us say "Piggly Wigglies" even though I'm pretty sure it's just Piggly Wiggly. I hope that place went bankrupt - I find it disturbing that anyone would purchase food at something called Piggly Wiggly, with the exception of people from Mississippi and Alabama.
On the average, the Kroger produce dept. is pretty bad. I suppose it's ok if you want to buy a stalk of celery or a bag of carrots, but have you ever checked out the area on the left. Mangy zucchini, limp snow peas, discolored mushrooms and my personal favorite - a lone basket of 5 artichokes reasonably priced at $3.99 per choke. I know, I know - it's not artichoke season.
As for the actual salad bar, it's probably the best place to assemble your own salad. In Ohio County, not many options exist for those who want to add beets or chick peas. After all, beets tend to be red, and the color red is an instrument of Satan. I'm sure the typical Kroger shopper would agree with that assessment. Radishes also symbolize the bitterness one might experience if condemned to eternal damnation. This is the hell where godless sodomites gather and cast aspersions upon baby Jesus, Moses and even Ezekial. Don't believe me... then just hang out by the salad bar on Sunday after church lets out. I once spoke with an elderly woman (I believe her name was Harriet) - she was terrified by broccoflower. I tried to explain the concept of a hybrid vegetable. She said, and I quote, "If God didn't make it, I don't eat it. What are they going to clone next? Humans? I don't vote for anyone who wants genetic engineering. You should move to France!"
Some of the people in this town are also terrified of "cutting edge" lettuce. This would include, but is not limited too, Romaine, Escarole and even Spinach. Spinach is sometimes ok if it has been chopped and presented in a frozen block. Spinach reached the mainstream in late 1998 and was given its rightful opportunity on the salad bar. Edlerly locals staged a vehement protest at the Kroger help desk but opposition gradually waned. Shortly thereafter, iceberg and spinach would stand side by side.
One important note, there is a pile of pre-packaged pickles - these could be the absolute worst pickles ever produced. I think they're called Freestone or something. This reminds me of a sour experience I had back in 1995. I was living in Oglebay Village and for a short time, I was on this "I want to get free stuff kick". Anyway, I started calling 800 numbers on the back of food products. I'd complain and they'd send me a coupon for free canned asparagus, or whatever. Anyway, I once called the Claussen people and complained about their pickes. I actually like Claussen pickles - so when they asked me what the problem was, I stuttered and mumbled that there was a nail at the bottom of the jar. The woman on the other end of the line was flabbergasted and said they'd immediately look into it. Anyway, the next day a man in a suit showed up at my door from somewhere in Pittsburgh (he had PA plates). He said he was a quality control specialist with Claussen and asked to see the tainted jar. I immediately knew the gig was up. I started sweating profusely and yelled at him to get the hell off my porch. Then I ran back in the apt. and slammed the door. He knocked a few more times as I hid in my apartment. This is the true definition of cowardice.
Anyway, Kroger Salad bar isn't great, but it's the best we've got to offer. On a scale of 1-10, it gets a 7.1.
On the average, the Kroger produce dept. is pretty bad. I suppose it's ok if you want to buy a stalk of celery or a bag of carrots, but have you ever checked out the area on the left. Mangy zucchini, limp snow peas, discolored mushrooms and my personal favorite - a lone basket of 5 artichokes reasonably priced at $3.99 per choke. I know, I know - it's not artichoke season.
As for the actual salad bar, it's probably the best place to assemble your own salad. In Ohio County, not many options exist for those who want to add beets or chick peas. After all, beets tend to be red, and the color red is an instrument of Satan. I'm sure the typical Kroger shopper would agree with that assessment. Radishes also symbolize the bitterness one might experience if condemned to eternal damnation. This is the hell where godless sodomites gather and cast aspersions upon baby Jesus, Moses and even Ezekial. Don't believe me... then just hang out by the salad bar on Sunday after church lets out. I once spoke with an elderly woman (I believe her name was Harriet) - she was terrified by broccoflower. I tried to explain the concept of a hybrid vegetable. She said, and I quote, "If God didn't make it, I don't eat it. What are they going to clone next? Humans? I don't vote for anyone who wants genetic engineering. You should move to France!"
Some of the people in this town are also terrified of "cutting edge" lettuce. This would include, but is not limited too, Romaine, Escarole and even Spinach. Spinach is sometimes ok if it has been chopped and presented in a frozen block. Spinach reached the mainstream in late 1998 and was given its rightful opportunity on the salad bar. Edlerly locals staged a vehement protest at the Kroger help desk but opposition gradually waned. Shortly thereafter, iceberg and spinach would stand side by side.
One important note, there is a pile of pre-packaged pickles - these could be the absolute worst pickles ever produced. I think they're called Freestone or something. This reminds me of a sour experience I had back in 1995. I was living in Oglebay Village and for a short time, I was on this "I want to get free stuff kick". Anyway, I started calling 800 numbers on the back of food products. I'd complain and they'd send me a coupon for free canned asparagus, or whatever. Anyway, I once called the Claussen people and complained about their pickes. I actually like Claussen pickles - so when they asked me what the problem was, I stuttered and mumbled that there was a nail at the bottom of the jar. The woman on the other end of the line was flabbergasted and said they'd immediately look into it. Anyway, the next day a man in a suit showed up at my door from somewhere in Pittsburgh (he had PA plates). He said he was a quality control specialist with Claussen and asked to see the tainted jar. I immediately knew the gig was up. I started sweating profusely and yelled at him to get the hell off my porch. Then I ran back in the apt. and slammed the door. He knocked a few more times as I hid in my apartment. This is the true definition of cowardice.
Anyway, Kroger Salad bar isn't great, but it's the best we've got to offer. On a scale of 1-10, it gets a 7.1.
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
TJ's - WHY?
Why is this place filled with human beings? There is only one reason why this place is a viable business. Allow me to attempt an explanation...
LOCATION. If you can dodge the never ending construction on National Road, I'm sure we can all agree that TJ's is in the best possible location of Ohio County. Speaking of the construction, I hear that National Road will be fixed by October of this year. Yeah, right. This project is being presented by Savage Contruction - the same people who took 3 years to build the new S Bridge in Triadelphia (aka deep Elm Grove). And although the new bridge is up and running, the old one is still there. At least its remnants are still there. I might go by and take some discarded concrete for some outdoor steps I'm putting in. I predict the National Rd project will end in early 2007.
Anyway, why do people eat at TJ's. I have absolutely no idea whatsoever. Just about everything on the menu is poor. It kind of reminds me of the food they serve in a public high school. That's the most apt comparision. By and large, I think fast food is better. Some people choose to eat there because of the televised sporting events. What's odd is that there's no volume so you can't hear any of the commentary. Actually, this is not true. When they remodeled (due to the flood) they installed a bunch of flat screens at some of the tables. These Samsungs replaced the original "noise boxes" which were there for mainy asthetic value I guess.
The saddest thing about TJ's is the clientele. Avid sports fans will go there to drink pitchers of over-priced crappy beer and eat there "famous" wings. They also have "famous" cole slaw which is equally poor. These sports fantatics will aggresively pace the floor and shout at the silent wide screen. These people are pathetic. The most embarrassing part is when they try to befriend others who are routing for the same team - Half way through the introduction it becomes apparent that one of the people is either A. mentally retarded or B. has no life. This is not good.
Another injustice is that the average TJ's waitress makes about $12.00 in tips + an hourly wage of $2.45 per day. How do they get away with this shit? However, most of the girls who work there are pretty hot. One of those Wheeling oddities I guess.
You might ask, "Saf, isn't there anything good to say about TJ's?" The answer is yes - the free popcorn. That's about it.
Oh, I forgot. When you walk in the door there is a collage of smiling faces on the wall. Most of these humanoid things are smiling or in some mild state of ectsacy becuase they are celebrating the existense of the local minor league hockey team. Not the fact that they are winning - I don't think they've ever won the championship. There mere existence is a tribute to the prosperity that Wheeling has to offer. I hope they don't ever win the championship - if they did, they'd have a parade through the streets of downtown Wheeling. Then, surely all the freaks and "bandwagon fans" would gather. If you think the bandwagon fans of the Dallas Cowboys are bad news, then you wholly underestimate the bandwagon nonsense that Wheeling could possibly offer.
Anyway, on a scale of 1-10 (all things considered) - TJ's gets a .8, not an 8, a .8.
LOCATION. If you can dodge the never ending construction on National Road, I'm sure we can all agree that TJ's is in the best possible location of Ohio County. Speaking of the construction, I hear that National Road will be fixed by October of this year. Yeah, right. This project is being presented by Savage Contruction - the same people who took 3 years to build the new S Bridge in Triadelphia (aka deep Elm Grove). And although the new bridge is up and running, the old one is still there. At least its remnants are still there. I might go by and take some discarded concrete for some outdoor steps I'm putting in. I predict the National Rd project will end in early 2007.
Anyway, why do people eat at TJ's. I have absolutely no idea whatsoever. Just about everything on the menu is poor. It kind of reminds me of the food they serve in a public high school. That's the most apt comparision. By and large, I think fast food is better. Some people choose to eat there because of the televised sporting events. What's odd is that there's no volume so you can't hear any of the commentary. Actually, this is not true. When they remodeled (due to the flood) they installed a bunch of flat screens at some of the tables. These Samsungs replaced the original "noise boxes" which were there for mainy asthetic value I guess.
The saddest thing about TJ's is the clientele. Avid sports fans will go there to drink pitchers of over-priced crappy beer and eat there "famous" wings. They also have "famous" cole slaw which is equally poor. These sports fantatics will aggresively pace the floor and shout at the silent wide screen. These people are pathetic. The most embarrassing part is when they try to befriend others who are routing for the same team - Half way through the introduction it becomes apparent that one of the people is either A. mentally retarded or B. has no life. This is not good.
Another injustice is that the average TJ's waitress makes about $12.00 in tips + an hourly wage of $2.45 per day. How do they get away with this shit? However, most of the girls who work there are pretty hot. One of those Wheeling oddities I guess.
You might ask, "Saf, isn't there anything good to say about TJ's?" The answer is yes - the free popcorn. That's about it.
Oh, I forgot. When you walk in the door there is a collage of smiling faces on the wall. Most of these humanoid things are smiling or in some mild state of ectsacy becuase they are celebrating the existense of the local minor league hockey team. Not the fact that they are winning - I don't think they've ever won the championship. There mere existence is a tribute to the prosperity that Wheeling has to offer. I hope they don't ever win the championship - if they did, they'd have a parade through the streets of downtown Wheeling. Then, surely all the freaks and "bandwagon fans" would gather. If you think the bandwagon fans of the Dallas Cowboys are bad news, then you wholly underestimate the bandwagon nonsense that Wheeling could possibly offer.
Anyway, on a scale of 1-10 (all things considered) - TJ's gets a .8, not an 8, a .8.
Friday, March 11, 2005
Ruttenbucks
There's a relatively new restaurant on the distant perimeter of Ohio County. It's located off the Jill's Lounge exit of I-70. Continue through the interesection and start your descent toward rt. 40. It is located on the left. The parking lot is mildly disturbing. Tons of mud and gravel. There's an upper lot as well but it consists of about 20 storage sheds. When you enter Ruttenbucks you'll see a sign that says "SEAT YOUR D*$% SELF". In many ways, this is an omen of things to come. The place is one of those "down home redneck party" bar/restaurants. The bar is kind of small but has a nice feel to it and there's a pool table in the back. The menu is pretty big for such a small place. I had something called "Beef Dippity" on the advice of our waitress. I asked her what she would get - she replied without hesitation, "The Beef Dippity, in fact, I'm turing into the beef dippity." With all due respect, she did bear a slight resemblance to the sandwich. The sandwich was decent but don't get the chips - they suck. Substitute something in their place.
The decor is consistent with one of those "hip" steak houses. Lots of stainless steel pots and pans on the walls. Horseshoes everyhwere and of course, the entire Nascar schedule just in case you've forgotten where the Sunday race is - this week it's in Vegas!
I have never been a fan of these kinds of restaurants - It's a scaled down version of West Texas Roadhouse which I passionately despise. There's even peanut shells all over the floor to give it that added rustic look. The management always seems to encourage the staff to say things like "How ya'll doin" or "What'll it be for you'ins today". What's really bad is when they get the foreign exchange student from Taiwan who decides she wants to make a few extra bucks, even though her parents have stashed a quarter million in her checking account. I actually went on a date with the person I'm describing, except it was an Iranian girl named Fareeba and she worked at West Texas Roadhouse. She also claimed to be a virgin although that's largely irrelevant. We went to West Texas for dinner on our first date (her suggestion) and she got up from the table and line-danced with the staff (even though she wasn't working). She must have felt it was her obligation to participate. Surprisingly, we didn't really hit it off. There's just something inherently wrong when foreigners decide to embrace redneck ideology.
The decor is consistent with one of those "hip" steak houses. Lots of stainless steel pots and pans on the walls. Horseshoes everyhwere and of course, the entire Nascar schedule just in case you've forgotten where the Sunday race is - this week it's in Vegas!
I have never been a fan of these kinds of restaurants - It's a scaled down version of West Texas Roadhouse which I passionately despise. There's even peanut shells all over the floor to give it that added rustic look. The management always seems to encourage the staff to say things like "How ya'll doin" or "What'll it be for you'ins today". What's really bad is when they get the foreign exchange student from Taiwan who decides she wants to make a few extra bucks, even though her parents have stashed a quarter million in her checking account. I actually went on a date with the person I'm describing, except it was an Iranian girl named Fareeba and she worked at West Texas Roadhouse. She also claimed to be a virgin although that's largely irrelevant. We went to West Texas for dinner on our first date (her suggestion) and she got up from the table and line-danced with the staff (even though she wasn't working). She must have felt it was her obligation to participate. Surprisingly, we didn't really hit it off. There's just something inherently wrong when foreigners decide to embrace redneck ideology.
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
Stone's Tea Room
This place thrived during the Carter administration. In many ways, the Stone's Tea Room kind of symbolized the malaise of the late 1970's. I think it finally closed its doors in the late 1980's, but I'm not really sure. It was suitably located in the basement of the Stone and Thomas building in downtown Wheeling. Once bustling with non-stop activity, business slowly dropped off when they built the Ohio Valley Mall in St. Clairsville. There was usually a large line at lunch time and you had to wait an exasperating 2 minutes to get a table. They may have had a non-smoking section. I can't seem to remember although I do remember the place was always filled with smoke. I recall one time when my father was annoyed at the woman sitting next to us puffing on a cigarette, blowing smoke in our direction. He always claimed to be allergic to cigarette fumes, but I think this may have been an exaggeration on his part. I was about 9 years old at the time and told him, "Don't worry, I'll take care of it." Before he could say anything, I got out of my seat and dumped a little water in her ashtray thus extinguishing the cigarette. She was pissed off but didn't say anything. They just got up and left. Little did I know that this event would foreshadow a future of heinous acts and generally dissident behavior.
I can remember that the menu had some interesting pricing discrepencies. For example:
Egg Salad on toast, 63 cents
Egg Salad on bun, 67 cents
Egg Salad on bagel, 72 cents
I'd like to speak with the micro-manager/bean counter who came up with this shit.
As far as the food went, it was your basic Mel's Diner type food. Nothing too special. They may have been open for dinner, but if they were, they closed at 6pm.
I can remember that the menu had some interesting pricing discrepencies. For example:
Egg Salad on toast, 63 cents
Egg Salad on bun, 67 cents
Egg Salad on bagel, 72 cents
I'd like to speak with the micro-manager/bean counter who came up with this shit.
As far as the food went, it was your basic Mel's Diner type food. Nothing too special. They may have been open for dinner, but if they were, they closed at 6pm.
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
fast food
These days I make a conscious effort to avoid most fast food, with the exception of Subway and places that cater to the lighter side of things. I generally don't eat red meat, maybe a steak or hamburger about once every 2 months. Thus, I rarely eat at Burger King. However, I couldn't help but notice that new, truly bizarre commercial they have on tv. Who dreamed up this thing. The setting for the commercial - I think it's the fast food version of what heaven is. There are girls swinging in the clouds and a black guy (dressed like Rumplestilsken) is playing acoustic guitar while singing about the hottest new sandwich (I think it's called the bacon cheddar ranch). The idea of combining cheddar and ranch is pretty gross, but what's really weird is the guy singing. At first, I thought it was the black porn start guy from Boogie Nights, Don Cheaddie or Cheaddle or whatever. He was also nominated for an Oscar in the Hotel Rwanda movie. Then, last night I was watching the commercial and a friend said, "You probably want to eat one of those sandwiches because you can really appriciate the gayness of this commercial." I asked him, how on earth did they get the Don Cheaddie guy to do a Burger King commercial and he replied, "Dude, that's Hootie, from Hootie and the Blowfish." I couldn't believe it. It was indeed Hootie. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. I remember when The Blowfish were on the arena/ampitheatre circuit. In fact, I saw a cd of Cracked Rearview Mirror at the Salvation Army for 50 cents a few days ago.
I generally don't like fast food commercials. It seems as though McDonalds is always trying to promote their willingness to hire the mentally retarded or the extreme elderly and infirmed. It's probably not politically correct to address this topic, but they had a commercial on about 10 years ago where this retarded guy was in charge of the fries. He resembled Corky from that horrible tv series Life Goes On. Anyway, during the commercial, he cries out "FRIES UP!" This would signify the end of the frying process. I thought they went a little overboard with the frenzied nature of those who are mentally challenged.
Did you know that McDonalds is the only city in the entire US that had to close two McDonalds? The one downtown and the one in Warwood. This stat may have changed - it was from a decade ago. Interesting though.
Here's some helpful hints about fast food in Wheeling.
Avoid the Burger King in Warwood at all costs. The place does very little business so the food just sits under the lights all day.
The Subway in Woodsdale is decent, but one of the workers found it challanging to make me a deli-style turkey sandwich. He asked what I wanted on it, and I said everything. He looked at me with this blank stare and said, "There's no room." I replied, "Yeah, just do the best you can." He shrugged and said ok.
Rax, the purveyor of synthetic roast beef, is also in Woodsdale. They used to have a salad bar where we'd steal garlic bread from in high school. I'm talking blatant theft - go up to the counter and ask for a brown bag and then casually walk to the back, dump the entire lot of garlic bread and stroll out through the front door. No gimmicks, no distractions. Just straight up theft.
Wendys in Elm Grove is acceptable.
Apparently, the McDonalds in Elm Grove is one of the best in the country. I've gone through the drive through and they always fuck up the order. They have extreme difficulty with condiment distribution.
The Hardees in Woodsdale used to be the busiest Hardees in the country. At first, you'd think No Way, in Wheeling. But yes way, they were. This could be attributed to the long lines of drunks who would storm the place at 3am on the weekends. This one guy Bill streaked the restaurant many years ago and it was none other than the infamous Amy Piko who won a contest, creating the name "Classic Cruisin Hardees." I think she won $1,000 and free food for a year. Not bad.
The Long John Silvers is totally disgusting. The smell from that place permeates the entire strip. How anyone can eat there is beyond me. If you have a fat fetish and truly admire corpulence, LJS cries out, "Hush Puppies" (what the fuck are those things anyway, fried dough?). Just uttering the word "Hush Puppy" is really embarrasing - at least for me.
A couple years ago they built an Arby's in Elm Grove. At the time, this was viewed as a major economic development. They even had to hire a cop to help with the traffic burden. The place was packed for several weeks as everyone in town just couldn't resist the place. I generally like Arby's though. I recommend the deli-style turkey sandwich. Not bad, half-way decent tailgating food.
There are other fast food places, but this entry is getting tedious. Later.
I generally don't like fast food commercials. It seems as though McDonalds is always trying to promote their willingness to hire the mentally retarded or the extreme elderly and infirmed. It's probably not politically correct to address this topic, but they had a commercial on about 10 years ago where this retarded guy was in charge of the fries. He resembled Corky from that horrible tv series Life Goes On. Anyway, during the commercial, he cries out "FRIES UP!" This would signify the end of the frying process. I thought they went a little overboard with the frenzied nature of those who are mentally challenged.
Did you know that McDonalds is the only city in the entire US that had to close two McDonalds? The one downtown and the one in Warwood. This stat may have changed - it was from a decade ago. Interesting though.
Here's some helpful hints about fast food in Wheeling.
Avoid the Burger King in Warwood at all costs. The place does very little business so the food just sits under the lights all day.
The Subway in Woodsdale is decent, but one of the workers found it challanging to make me a deli-style turkey sandwich. He asked what I wanted on it, and I said everything. He looked at me with this blank stare and said, "There's no room." I replied, "Yeah, just do the best you can." He shrugged and said ok.
Rax, the purveyor of synthetic roast beef, is also in Woodsdale. They used to have a salad bar where we'd steal garlic bread from in high school. I'm talking blatant theft - go up to the counter and ask for a brown bag and then casually walk to the back, dump the entire lot of garlic bread and stroll out through the front door. No gimmicks, no distractions. Just straight up theft.
Wendys in Elm Grove is acceptable.
Apparently, the McDonalds in Elm Grove is one of the best in the country. I've gone through the drive through and they always fuck up the order. They have extreme difficulty with condiment distribution.
The Hardees in Woodsdale used to be the busiest Hardees in the country. At first, you'd think No Way, in Wheeling. But yes way, they were. This could be attributed to the long lines of drunks who would storm the place at 3am on the weekends. This one guy Bill streaked the restaurant many years ago and it was none other than the infamous Amy Piko who won a contest, creating the name "Classic Cruisin Hardees." I think she won $1,000 and free food for a year. Not bad.
The Long John Silvers is totally disgusting. The smell from that place permeates the entire strip. How anyone can eat there is beyond me. If you have a fat fetish and truly admire corpulence, LJS cries out, "Hush Puppies" (what the fuck are those things anyway, fried dough?). Just uttering the word "Hush Puppy" is really embarrasing - at least for me.
A couple years ago they built an Arby's in Elm Grove. At the time, this was viewed as a major economic development. They even had to hire a cop to help with the traffic burden. The place was packed for several weeks as everyone in town just couldn't resist the place. I generally like Arby's though. I recommend the deli-style turkey sandwich. Not bad, half-way decent tailgating food.
There are other fast food places, but this entry is getting tedious. Later.
Thursday, March 03, 2005
The Grove
The Grove was located in Morristown, Ohio. It was the victim of an arson attack about 15-20 years ago. It was the BEST restaurant in the entire area. For those of you who don't know, here's what happened. The guy who owned the place willed it to his daughter. She immediately shut it down for a year and decided to remodel. She planned on reopening it as a country western bar. How creative! We need more country western themes in this area. Anyway, she laid off all the employees and a group of them decided to retaliate - so they burned the place down to the ground. I never met this woman but I regard her with great contempt. There's another group of people who interfered with the establishment of a restaurant whom I also despise. They are the concerned local activists of Greggsville. Where is Greggsville? It's that crappy community at the bottom of Oglebay Hill. Anyway, these businessmen wanted to build a table-side Japanese restaurant (possibly a Benihana) at the site of the old radio station on Waddles. These local morons all got together and convinced the city that it do irreperbale harm to their community. These are the people I loath. I don't any of them personally, but let's just say I understand them. Better than they understand themselves. I know what motivates them. Here's an example of the kind of behavior they might engage in. They will call their parents 8 times each day to make sure everything is ok. They will purchase beanie babies off ebay and then try and get a refund when they receieved one that was yellow instead of gold. They eat bologna. They buy t-shirts that cost $19.95 with pictures of angels. Get it...
This place was a wide open bar/restaurant. Your options were limited. Steak, chicken, and ribs (there were a couple other things, but the menu centered around these options). All the portions were gigantic. Did you know that "gigantic" isn't even a word? Anyway, this place rocked. Killer house dressing. A viniagrette loaded with paprika (paprika is the key, but people around these parts are only familiar with salt, pepper and garlic salt). After all, a spice that appears red or maroon could have some affliation with the devil.
This place was a wide open bar/restaurant. Your options were limited. Steak, chicken, and ribs (there were a couple other things, but the menu centered around these options). All the portions were gigantic. Did you know that "gigantic" isn't even a word? Anyway, this place rocked. Killer house dressing. A viniagrette loaded with paprika (paprika is the key, but people around these parts are only familiar with salt, pepper and garlic salt). After all, a spice that appears red or maroon could have some affliation with the devil.
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