Yep, I'm playing the Arnold Palmer course on Monday for $19.00 (includes cart). This must be the sickest coupon/discount of all time. I'm looking forward to seeing this alleged internet coupon. But onto the real gulf...
In a recent discussion, Vladimir Kutcherov , Professor at the Royal Institute of Technology in Sweden and the Russian State University of Oil and Gas, predicted that the present oil spill flooding the Gulf Coast shores of the United States “could go on for years and years… many years.”
According to Kutcherov, a leading specialist in the theory of abiogenic deep origin of petroleum, “What BP drilled into was what we call a ‘migration channel,’ a deep fault on which hydrocarbons generated in the depth of our planet migrate to the crust and are accumulated in rocks, something like Ghawar in Saudi Arabia.”[2] Ghawar, the world’s most prolific oilfield has been producing millions of barrels daily for almost 70 years with no end in sight. According to the abiotic science, Ghawar like all elephant and giant oil and gas deposits all over the world, is located on a migration channel similar to that in the oil-rich Gulf of Mexico.
I'm not even remotely qualified to discuss the BP catastrophe, but I have a strange hunch this Russian dude is spot on. I've been following the BP spill from more of a crisis management perspective. It seems like it's evolving into an indefinite problem. The manner in which BP attempts to solve the problem... one try after another. And then the government chimes in... one response after another. It just has this endless nuance. It seems the mainstream media is establishing this trend as well. They seem very reluctant to discuss the long term prospects. The more intriguing question is this - Let's assume the leak continues unabated. What will knock this tragedy out of the regular news cycle? In Nigeria, they've had roughly the equivalent of an Exxon Valdez spill EVERY year for the past 4 decades or so. But this ain't Nigeria.
Remember how BP tried to reshape their image with the whole "Beyond Petroleum" marketing campaign a year ago. In retrospect, it appears that was a colossal waste of money. Eventually, they'll have to remove the Tony Hayward CEO with the smarmy British accent. Could this douchebag be getting any worse advice from his handlers? He skips back across the pond to watch a yacht race? What the fuck?
But as long as they have underwater cameras trained on that hole, this company is fucked. Once again, what would it take to push the story out of the headlines... An Obama assassination, another Bill Clinton sex scandal, an earthquake devastates San Fransisco. Well, here's something that what would work - my Superbowl 9/11 follow-up terrorist attack prediction. But taking into account the fickle American appetite for what constitutes news, I have a hard time fathoming that the BP spill will still be front page headlines 6 months from now.
I've been trying to formulate an idea that will get BP out of the news cycle. To be honest, there's really not much they can do. They need another catastrophe to steal the spotlight. That's their only hope in the near term. Or just hope the typical American grows tired and weary from the endless coverage. This could prove nearly impossible though as long as those tar balls keep popping up. Houston, TX, Cape Cod, Atlantic City > this could get a lot worse. Every week, it's a new city that gets hit. Sure puts a dent in that notion of exquisite beachfront property. All of a sudden, the "wood" towns (Benwood, Warwood, etc.) don't sound so bad. And that summer trip to Barcamp with a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken... I haven't had KFC in over a year. It sounds a bit compelling but that one on Wheeling Island is really dirty. High concentrations of gnats on the inside, a dense covering of soot on the outside.
But when it comes to oil, BP's got nothing on Star Trek. I'm recalling a horrible Star Trek Next Generation episode where that tar/oil monster consumes chief security officer Tasha Yar. I'm a huge fan of Jean Luc and his crew, but those first and second seasons were SO horrifically abysmal. The writing, the acting, the directing... It amazes me that the network didn't squash the show. What's harder to fathom - how on earth did it suddenly become so much better? Remember the Binars? Those bald computerized midget dudes that would complete each others sentences? How about the stunning empathic powers of Deanna Troy - she would really strut her shit. "Captain, he appears frightened." "Commander, he's lying." And I love how back in the early episodes, Wesley Crusher (the naive youngster) would always manage to save the Enterprise. I saw him on a talk show about a decade ago. He really turned into an arrogant fuck. At least that's how he came across.
Back to the British Petroleum fiasco. Aside from the my Superbowl timed theory , you could orchestrate a man made catastrophe during the other biggest televised event, the grandaddy of them all - The World Cup final in mid July. Not sure of the form it would take though. Multiple suicide bombings in Baghdad ain't going to cut it.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Thursday, June 17, 2010
crushing Palin
Here's a simple, decisive way to marginalize the indomitable Sarah Palin. Get a group of 15-20 committed individuals who despise the ex-Governor. A liberal college campus or major university would be the most likely source. Just post ads in the cafeteria or you could even use Craigslist.
The next time Sarah shows up to give a campaign endorsement or a public speech, have your group assembled and ready to roll. When she begins yapping about energy policy during the speech, send out a mass text - "NOW." All at once, everyone will start yelling "DRILL BABY DRILL" in unison. Keep the chant going for as long as humanly possible. The group will be spread out throughout the auditorium or venue, so it will be unusually difficult and time consuming to round up the perpetrators. As long as the BP oil spill is in the news, this will work. I suspect her political consultants think something like this might happen. This is why she has curtailed public appearances. Has anyone noticed the recent disappearance of Dick Cheney as well? Trust me. They're still out there lurking, biding their time.
My point - once people see this played out on MSNBC and youtube, others will inevitably follow suit at future events. It's the incredible simplicity of this stunt which reveals its sheer beauty. No arrests, no fines, no money spent - just a loud voice and a minimal investment of time will result in her being totally marginalized. Her handlers won't allow her to go on political circuit for fear of a repeat occurrence. She'll have to stick with private fundraisers and carefully scripted photo ops. This doesn't mesh well with her phony "I'm just the girl next door, Suzy homemaker" line of bullshit.
I was thinking about the only people who really love the BP fiasco. They're a relatively small cabal - the Toyota Board of Directors! Ohhh, what a feeling!
I'm very interested in the upcoming political races in California. Ebay CEO Meg Whitman has spent over 100 million already in attempt to dethrone Senator Barbara Boxer. And ex Hewlett Packard CEO Carly Fiorini will also be spending a fortune to snag the Guv-uh-nator's position. Both of these candidates are RIPE for a political systempunkt. The simpler, the better. It could be something like a little girl asking one of them "why would you spend so much money on yourself, when my daddy is out of work." Or how about this one from a 7 year old, "Has anyone on ebay ever sold child pornography?" Ka-Boom! That's the deafening sound of silence in the war room. Or for Fiorini, another young child posing the question, "When you were running the company it didn't run so good. What makes you think you'll do a good job running California?" These are the blips that would be replayed ad nauseum on the 24 hour news cycle. Think of it. All those hundreds of millions down the drain. Just because some innocent kid (a total plant) decided to stand up and ask a question. And just be sure you have the phony, cutesy question prepared in advance for the screeners - a good one would be, "From one female politician to another, what advice can you give me for becoming class president." It's just an old fashioned bait and switch - a marketing gimmick that will always stand the test of time.
If you recall, I developed a detailed scenario to destroy McCain or Palin at one of those town hall meetings during the '08 campaign. Thank god it wasn't necessary. Still, I can dream, can't I?
The next time Sarah shows up to give a campaign endorsement or a public speech, have your group assembled and ready to roll. When she begins yapping about energy policy during the speech, send out a mass text - "NOW." All at once, everyone will start yelling "DRILL BABY DRILL" in unison. Keep the chant going for as long as humanly possible. The group will be spread out throughout the auditorium or venue, so it will be unusually difficult and time consuming to round up the perpetrators. As long as the BP oil spill is in the news, this will work. I suspect her political consultants think something like this might happen. This is why she has curtailed public appearances. Has anyone noticed the recent disappearance of Dick Cheney as well? Trust me. They're still out there lurking, biding their time.
My point - once people see this played out on MSNBC and youtube, others will inevitably follow suit at future events. It's the incredible simplicity of this stunt which reveals its sheer beauty. No arrests, no fines, no money spent - just a loud voice and a minimal investment of time will result in her being totally marginalized. Her handlers won't allow her to go on political circuit for fear of a repeat occurrence. She'll have to stick with private fundraisers and carefully scripted photo ops. This doesn't mesh well with her phony "I'm just the girl next door, Suzy homemaker" line of bullshit.
I was thinking about the only people who really love the BP fiasco. They're a relatively small cabal - the Toyota Board of Directors! Ohhh, what a feeling!
I'm very interested in the upcoming political races in California. Ebay CEO Meg Whitman has spent over 100 million already in attempt to dethrone Senator Barbara Boxer. And ex Hewlett Packard CEO Carly Fiorini will also be spending a fortune to snag the Guv-uh-nator's position. Both of these candidates are RIPE for a political systempunkt. The simpler, the better. It could be something like a little girl asking one of them "why would you spend so much money on yourself, when my daddy is out of work." Or how about this one from a 7 year old, "Has anyone on ebay ever sold child pornography?" Ka-Boom! That's the deafening sound of silence in the war room. Or for Fiorini, another young child posing the question, "When you were running the company it didn't run so good. What makes you think you'll do a good job running California?" These are the blips that would be replayed ad nauseum on the 24 hour news cycle. Think of it. All those hundreds of millions down the drain. Just because some innocent kid (a total plant) decided to stand up and ask a question. And just be sure you have the phony, cutesy question prepared in advance for the screeners - a good one would be, "From one female politician to another, what advice can you give me for becoming class president." It's just an old fashioned bait and switch - a marketing gimmick that will always stand the test of time.
If you recall, I developed a detailed scenario to destroy McCain or Palin at one of those town hall meetings during the '08 campaign. Thank god it wasn't necessary. Still, I can dream, can't I?
Saturday, June 05, 2010
chain smoking baby
By now everyone has seen the 18 month old Indonesian baby who chain smokes.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4c_wI6kQyE&feature=fvw
There are tons of videos of this kid circulating all over the internet. He truly has captivated our imagination. I like how the non-judgmental father sits in the background with a relatively stoic expression. All the other villagers seem content and have the same "business as usual" look about them. In many ways, it mirrors what I see happening at bars in the Ohio Valley. Everyone sits in these smoking rooms and they huff... and they puff... and they feed their social security checks into the vidiot machines. There's just this remarkable similarity in the "casual zombified" approach to life.
What I find intriguing are the internet feedback comments. Most people seem downright horrified. Many want to prosecute the father for child abuse. Some are content to just vilify. Others suggest it's a money making publicity stunt. I'll admit one thing - it definitely put that Sumatran village on the map. The last time I remember this kind of notoriety was when the tsunami hit. Good thing he was born after the floody floody. No amount of steadfast chain smoking devotion could have stood against the multiple waves of fury.
As usual, I'm looking for an interesting sociological experiment. So here's what I'm gonna do. I'm going over to Wheeling Jesuit and print out a voluminous stack of pictures of chain smoking internet baby. Incidentally, I like how the kid doesn't have a first or last name. He's simply referred to as "the internet chain smoking baby sensation." I also like the fact that he seems morbidly obese for a toddler. I think every country should have one of these poster childs. For some reason, I think ours should hail from Mississippi. But I'd be willing to settle for South Carolina. We could parade him around the Darlington Nascar race like that humanoid dude in the box - the armless, legless wonder from Metallica's "One" video.
Back to the experiment. I'm going to print out a shitload of pictures of this kid and tack them up on the walls of the smoking/gambling rooms. Rest assured, there will be sufficient outrage. I'd love to be a fly on the wall. You can bet your ass there will be some 67 year old hag who looks at the picture in disgust. Her name is Stella. As Stella voraciously consumes her cancer stick (just like the baby), she presses the vidiot buttons and cries out for the image of a cherry or some kind of fucking starfruit. I'd relish the condemnation as she unknowingly mimics the baby's behavior. Incidentally, I really like how the kid knows how to use an existing cigarette to light a future one (aka "jumpstarting"). I also enjoy his innate ability to exhale in the form of smoke rings. This kid's bad ass. He really does need a name though. How about "Newport?" Seriously, we should call the kid "Newport." I wonder if he smokes Menthols, lights or regulars. I'm curious if he can ascertain the subtle differences.
I should put out a disclaimer here. I smoked Marlboro Lights for about 10 years (basically 1990 to 2000). And I'm insanely critical of those who choose to smoke. But I've chosen to embrace the hypocrisy with unbridled enthusiasm (like the person in Elaine's manuscript when they fumigated Jerry's apt). I didn't lead a healthy existence during that decade, but I'm making strides in the last one and hopefully the next.
In a weird way, I kinda think those smoking/gambling "parlors" are a good thing. First, you isolate all the smokers and vidiot players in single location. This way they can lounge around in a plume filled room and rapidly exhaust their finances and collectively embrace a shortened life span. It really has revolutionized the concept of second hand smoke. IGT (International Gaming Technology) makes about 80% of the vidiot machines. They'd be wise to partner up with Altria (formerly known as Phillip Morris) or one of the other tobacco companies. Its a great target market for small scale advertising and promotion.
Just an aside, if you're going to smoke yourself to death, just don't smoke Camels or Camel Lights. This particular brand smells absolutely disgusting. And the filters are really flimsy and seem to absorb the acrid nicotine stench into your fingers. Even the digital penetration of a pungent vaginal orifice is no match. The worst is when some dumbshit chains one down in under a minute. Then, feels the need to go into close-talking mode and complain about how Obama is bowing down to the leader of Taiwan or wherever. This brand of douchebaggery must never go unnoticed. I'll end with another Safism here...
If you're gonna smoke, do yourself and everyone else a favor, smoke Marlboro lights.
If you're low on cash, stick with generic equivalent - Basic Lights. I assume they still make Basic Lights. I always liked the name. You should NEVER feel the least bit embarrassed to ask the cashier, "Hey, can I get a pack of Basic Lights?" It just sounds cool and it helps to mitigate my heightened level of disgust.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4c_wI6kQyE&feature=fvw
There are tons of videos of this kid circulating all over the internet. He truly has captivated our imagination. I like how the non-judgmental father sits in the background with a relatively stoic expression. All the other villagers seem content and have the same "business as usual" look about them. In many ways, it mirrors what I see happening at bars in the Ohio Valley. Everyone sits in these smoking rooms and they huff... and they puff... and they feed their social security checks into the vidiot machines. There's just this remarkable similarity in the "casual zombified" approach to life.
What I find intriguing are the internet feedback comments. Most people seem downright horrified. Many want to prosecute the father for child abuse. Some are content to just vilify. Others suggest it's a money making publicity stunt. I'll admit one thing - it definitely put that Sumatran village on the map. The last time I remember this kind of notoriety was when the tsunami hit. Good thing he was born after the floody floody. No amount of steadfast chain smoking devotion could have stood against the multiple waves of fury.
As usual, I'm looking for an interesting sociological experiment. So here's what I'm gonna do. I'm going over to Wheeling Jesuit and print out a voluminous stack of pictures of chain smoking internet baby. Incidentally, I like how the kid doesn't have a first or last name. He's simply referred to as "the internet chain smoking baby sensation." I also like the fact that he seems morbidly obese for a toddler. I think every country should have one of these poster childs. For some reason, I think ours should hail from Mississippi. But I'd be willing to settle for South Carolina. We could parade him around the Darlington Nascar race like that humanoid dude in the box - the armless, legless wonder from Metallica's "One" video.
Back to the experiment. I'm going to print out a shitload of pictures of this kid and tack them up on the walls of the smoking/gambling rooms. Rest assured, there will be sufficient outrage. I'd love to be a fly on the wall. You can bet your ass there will be some 67 year old hag who looks at the picture in disgust. Her name is Stella. As Stella voraciously consumes her cancer stick (just like the baby), she presses the vidiot buttons and cries out for the image of a cherry or some kind of fucking starfruit. I'd relish the condemnation as she unknowingly mimics the baby's behavior. Incidentally, I really like how the kid knows how to use an existing cigarette to light a future one (aka "jumpstarting"). I also enjoy his innate ability to exhale in the form of smoke rings. This kid's bad ass. He really does need a name though. How about "Newport?" Seriously, we should call the kid "Newport." I wonder if he smokes Menthols, lights or regulars. I'm curious if he can ascertain the subtle differences.
I should put out a disclaimer here. I smoked Marlboro Lights for about 10 years (basically 1990 to 2000). And I'm insanely critical of those who choose to smoke. But I've chosen to embrace the hypocrisy with unbridled enthusiasm (like the person in Elaine's manuscript when they fumigated Jerry's apt). I didn't lead a healthy existence during that decade, but I'm making strides in the last one and hopefully the next.
In a weird way, I kinda think those smoking/gambling "parlors" are a good thing. First, you isolate all the smokers and vidiot players in single location. This way they can lounge around in a plume filled room and rapidly exhaust their finances and collectively embrace a shortened life span. It really has revolutionized the concept of second hand smoke. IGT (International Gaming Technology) makes about 80% of the vidiot machines. They'd be wise to partner up with Altria (formerly known as Phillip Morris) or one of the other tobacco companies. Its a great target market for small scale advertising and promotion.
Just an aside, if you're going to smoke yourself to death, just don't smoke Camels or Camel Lights. This particular brand smells absolutely disgusting. And the filters are really flimsy and seem to absorb the acrid nicotine stench into your fingers. Even the digital penetration of a pungent vaginal orifice is no match. The worst is when some dumbshit chains one down in under a minute. Then, feels the need to go into close-talking mode and complain about how Obama is bowing down to the leader of Taiwan or wherever. This brand of douchebaggery must never go unnoticed. I'll end with another Safism here...
If you're gonna smoke, do yourself and everyone else a favor, smoke Marlboro lights.
If you're low on cash, stick with generic equivalent - Basic Lights. I assume they still make Basic Lights. I always liked the name. You should NEVER feel the least bit embarrassed to ask the cashier, "Hey, can I get a pack of Basic Lights?" It just sounds cool and it helps to mitigate my heightened level of disgust.
Tuesday, June 01, 2010
I think you should go back...
... to GREENBOW, ALBAMA! These are enlightening words of Forrest Gump when he was trying to convince Jenny to leave her abusive boyfriend. Truth be told, it's one of the finest movies I've ever seen. I still tear up when they briefly reunite during the Washington Monument protest scene.
Recently, the Alabama primary race for Governor is a hotly contested one. I rarely pay much attention to the Alabama political scene, but these days you can't help but take a look. I'll summarize. There are six contenders seeking the Republican nomination (mostly because it's a cakewalk to the governor's seat if you're on the Republican ticket).
There are six contenders:
3 of them don't stand a prayer.
1 of them is Roy Moore - He's the former Chief Justice of the Alabama State Supreme Court. He gained notoriety a while back when he refused a U.S. Supreme Court order to remove a statue of the 10 Commandments outside the courthouse. Nowadays, he represents some splinter faction of the "Moral Majority." Regardless, he'll get some votes but he's generally regarded as a spoiler.
Another man running is Tim James. He's a wealthy construction mogul and he's dumping a personal fortune into the race. He recently released an ad where he sheepishly shakes his head and decries the DMV for allowing residents to take their drivers license test in any of 12 different languages. "In Alabama, we speak English. If you want a license, learn to speak the language." I suppose that kind of prejudice is fair game as it appeals to the hardcore Republican voting base. Ohhh, the burgeoning immigration problem in the urban meccas of Alabama. Montogomery, Birmingham, Huntsville, yeah right...
But it's the last guy running, Bradley Byrne - he's where the action is. He's a political insider, major ties to the University of Alabama and has ascended through the state government. A political action committee called the True Republican PAC is lashing out at Byrne. They're trying to paint him as a flip-flopping misguided fool. But it's their heavyweight ad which identifies him supporting the TEACHING OF EVOLUTION that takes it to the next level.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJG-7s1e5eM
How revolting! I'm aghast! Byrne was caught on record saying, "he generally supports the teaching of evolution and there are inconsistencies with the bible." BAMMM! Not a good idea to publicly go on the record with that kind of intellectual rhetoric in the deep south. Crimson Tide graduates must be rolling in their graves. This guy has the unmitigated audacity, reckless temerity, bold impudence and unabashed effrontery to suggest that there are some irregularities in the bible.
BUT ALABAMINIANS, DO NOT FRET! Take solace in that he has issued the following retraction on his website.
“I believe the Bible is the Word of God and that every single word of it is true. From the earliest parts of this campaign, a paraphrased and incomplete parsing of my words have been knowingly used to insinuate that I believe something different than that. My faith is at the center of my life and my belief in Jesus Christ as my personal savior and Lord guides my every action.
As a Christian and as a public servant, I have never wavered in my belief that this world and everything in it is a masterpiece created by the hands of God. As a member of the Alabama Board of Education, the record clearly shows that I fought to ensure the teaching of creationism in our school text books.”
PTL! (Praise The Lord). Whewwww! Alabama is safe/saved. Seriously (as if you can't reach new heights of "ludicrousity"), what the fuck is wrong with these people? Is it any wonder that Alabama consistently ranks near the bottom in public education? And I'm comin' atcha from West "By God, Stand Up And Say It Like You Mean It" Virginia! I should be charged with hypothetical blogging treason.
I'll probably check out the forthcoming debate. I'm not sure if Roy Moore plays poker, but I'd like to see him go ALL IN. "State Senator Byrne, if elected governor of the great state of Alabama, would you support legislation making it a felony, at any institution both public or private, the teaching of this here theory of evolution? brief pause...
Well, da-gummit, just don't sit there stewin' in a beef pot. This is Alabama! We want answers!"
Years ago, I once blogged that out of all the celebrities and political outsiders, I thought Tom Hanks could have a credible shot at getting elected President of the United States. Perhaps, he missed his true calling. He could have re-adopted his "Forrest Gump" character, moved back to Greenbow and tested the political water. "I might not be smart, but I know what it takes to be governor." The applause would be deafening.
Recently, the Alabama primary race for Governor is a hotly contested one. I rarely pay much attention to the Alabama political scene, but these days you can't help but take a look. I'll summarize. There are six contenders seeking the Republican nomination (mostly because it's a cakewalk to the governor's seat if you're on the Republican ticket).
There are six contenders:
3 of them don't stand a prayer.
1 of them is Roy Moore - He's the former Chief Justice of the Alabama State Supreme Court. He gained notoriety a while back when he refused a U.S. Supreme Court order to remove a statue of the 10 Commandments outside the courthouse. Nowadays, he represents some splinter faction of the "Moral Majority." Regardless, he'll get some votes but he's generally regarded as a spoiler.
Another man running is Tim James. He's a wealthy construction mogul and he's dumping a personal fortune into the race. He recently released an ad where he sheepishly shakes his head and decries the DMV for allowing residents to take their drivers license test in any of 12 different languages. "In Alabama, we speak English. If you want a license, learn to speak the language." I suppose that kind of prejudice is fair game as it appeals to the hardcore Republican voting base. Ohhh, the burgeoning immigration problem in the urban meccas of Alabama. Montogomery, Birmingham, Huntsville, yeah right...
But it's the last guy running, Bradley Byrne - he's where the action is. He's a political insider, major ties to the University of Alabama and has ascended through the state government. A political action committee called the True Republican PAC is lashing out at Byrne. They're trying to paint him as a flip-flopping misguided fool. But it's their heavyweight ad which identifies him supporting the TEACHING OF EVOLUTION that takes it to the next level.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJG-7s1e5eM
How revolting! I'm aghast! Byrne was caught on record saying, "he generally supports the teaching of evolution and there are inconsistencies with the bible." BAMMM! Not a good idea to publicly go on the record with that kind of intellectual rhetoric in the deep south. Crimson Tide graduates must be rolling in their graves. This guy has the unmitigated audacity, reckless temerity, bold impudence and unabashed effrontery to suggest that there are some irregularities in the bible.
BUT ALABAMINIANS, DO NOT FRET! Take solace in that he has issued the following retraction on his website.
“I believe the Bible is the Word of God and that every single word of it is true. From the earliest parts of this campaign, a paraphrased and incomplete parsing of my words have been knowingly used to insinuate that I believe something different than that. My faith is at the center of my life and my belief in Jesus Christ as my personal savior and Lord guides my every action.
As a Christian and as a public servant, I have never wavered in my belief that this world and everything in it is a masterpiece created by the hands of God. As a member of the Alabama Board of Education, the record clearly shows that I fought to ensure the teaching of creationism in our school text books.”
PTL! (Praise The Lord). Whewwww! Alabama is safe/saved. Seriously (as if you can't reach new heights of "ludicrousity"), what the fuck is wrong with these people? Is it any wonder that Alabama consistently ranks near the bottom in public education? And I'm comin' atcha from West "By God, Stand Up And Say It Like You Mean It" Virginia! I should be charged with hypothetical blogging treason.
I'll probably check out the forthcoming debate. I'm not sure if Roy Moore plays poker, but I'd like to see him go ALL IN. "State Senator Byrne, if elected governor of the great state of Alabama, would you support legislation making it a felony, at any institution both public or private, the teaching of this here theory of evolution? brief pause...
Well, da-gummit, just don't sit there stewin' in a beef pot. This is Alabama! We want answers!"
Years ago, I once blogged that out of all the celebrities and political outsiders, I thought Tom Hanks could have a credible shot at getting elected President of the United States. Perhaps, he missed his true calling. He could have re-adopted his "Forrest Gump" character, moved back to Greenbow and tested the political water. "I might not be smart, but I know what it takes to be governor." The applause would be deafening.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
systempunkt definition
I've been using the term "systempunkt" frequently these days. I don't think I've offered a definition because I thought it was self-explanatory. Since it's not in the dictionary, here's what it means (compliments of the most brilliant, intriguing blogger - John Robb).
In global guerrilla warfare (a combination of open source innovation, bazaar transactions, and low tech weapons), the point of greatest emphasis is called a systempunkt. It is the point in a system (either an infrastructure or a market), always identified by autonomous groups within the bazaar, where a swarm of small insults will cause a cascade of collapse in the targeted system. Within infrastructure, this collapse takes the form of disrupted flows that result in immediate financial loss or ongoing supply shortages. Within a market, an attack on the systempunkt destabilizes the psychology of the market to induce severe inefficiencies and uncertainties. The ultimate objective of this activity, in aggregate, is the collapse of the target state and globalization.
Think in terms of a series of attempts at gaming the system which results in a great calamity. The greatest systempunkt of my generation is most certainly 9/11. If my Superbowl prediction were to come true, I think it could represent a close second. Especially considering the fragile mindset of the typical American. Here are some other examples on a smaller scale that come to mind...
The Tylenol fiasco back around 1980. Remember when some idiot poisoned bottles of Tylenol with cyanide in retail outlets around Chicago (I think it was Chicago). It resulted in all over-the-counter medication and a myriad of other products employing safety features (seals and advanced twist off techniques). I seriously doubt that this was his aim. He was probably just some demented moron.
The current home foreclosure crisis offers a prime example. There are a few people out there who have INTENTIONALLY defaulted on their mortgages. Some banks in certain geographic locations just can't keep up with the escalation in housing turnover. The end result, there's a bunch of people out there who opted out of their mortgage contracts and are not being penalized to the fullest extent of the law. This is a big one if you have a game plan and fully understand the consequences (both short and long term). I wouldn't recommend it though.
Here's a good idea for a systempunkt in Morgantown following a huge WVU victory. Organize massive couch burnings all over the campus. As the police and fire trucks are tending to the multiple emergencies, now's the time to loot and pillage. You're just taking advantage of a series of coordinated disruptions and maximizing its potential.
There are millions of examples in nature, business, warfare, etc. Read John Robb's blog if you wish to gain a better perspective.
http://globalguerrillas.typepad.com
In global guerrilla warfare (a combination of open source innovation, bazaar transactions, and low tech weapons), the point of greatest emphasis is called a systempunkt. It is the point in a system (either an infrastructure or a market), always identified by autonomous groups within the bazaar, where a swarm of small insults will cause a cascade of collapse in the targeted system. Within infrastructure, this collapse takes the form of disrupted flows that result in immediate financial loss or ongoing supply shortages. Within a market, an attack on the systempunkt destabilizes the psychology of the market to induce severe inefficiencies and uncertainties. The ultimate objective of this activity, in aggregate, is the collapse of the target state and globalization.
Think in terms of a series of attempts at gaming the system which results in a great calamity. The greatest systempunkt of my generation is most certainly 9/11. If my Superbowl prediction were to come true, I think it could represent a close second. Especially considering the fragile mindset of the typical American. Here are some other examples on a smaller scale that come to mind...
The Tylenol fiasco back around 1980. Remember when some idiot poisoned bottles of Tylenol with cyanide in retail outlets around Chicago (I think it was Chicago). It resulted in all over-the-counter medication and a myriad of other products employing safety features (seals and advanced twist off techniques). I seriously doubt that this was his aim. He was probably just some demented moron.
The current home foreclosure crisis offers a prime example. There are a few people out there who have INTENTIONALLY defaulted on their mortgages. Some banks in certain geographic locations just can't keep up with the escalation in housing turnover. The end result, there's a bunch of people out there who opted out of their mortgage contracts and are not being penalized to the fullest extent of the law. This is a big one if you have a game plan and fully understand the consequences (both short and long term). I wouldn't recommend it though.
Here's a good idea for a systempunkt in Morgantown following a huge WVU victory. Organize massive couch burnings all over the campus. As the police and fire trucks are tending to the multiple emergencies, now's the time to loot and pillage. You're just taking advantage of a series of coordinated disruptions and maximizing its potential.
There are millions of examples in nature, business, warfare, etc. Read John Robb's blog if you wish to gain a better perspective.
http://globalguerrillas.typepad.com
Saturday, May 22, 2010
doritos systempunkt
A friend of mine recently forwarded me a printable attachment for a FREE bag of Doritos - any flavor, any size (up to a $5.00 retail value). Here's how I would encourage a youthful, enterprising bum or broke college kid to spend a Saturday afternoon. First, go to Wheeling Jesuit University and print out 100 sheets of coupons. That's 6 coupons per sheet - thus a grand total of 600 coupons. In fact, I say fuck it and print the damn things out til the printer loses all toner or runs out of paper, whichever happens first. Alright, now you're armed with the world's first low grade "couponic weapons."
Phase 2 - Hang out in the chip aisle of various retail establishments. I'm thinking first and foremost - WALMART and then hit some of the lesser trafficked stores (Kroger, Target, gas stations, CVS, Rite Aid, etc.). If you see anyone contemplating purchasing a bag of chips, tell them you'll sell them a coupon for $1.00. Almost every normal person carries a dollar bill on them. I would think most would succumb. Especially if you give them a brief (possibly fictitious) hard luck story. College kids can say they're doing it as some kind of frat/hazing stunt and they aren't allowed back to campus until they get $50 worth of coupons sold for this evenings kegger. That's a tremendous story line because it's fun, evokes a minor amount of sympathy and is less annoying then the straight up panhandling approach.
Alright, here's the hard, cold truth. Eventually, someone is going to spill the beans and the manager is going to kick your ass outta there. But in the meantime, I'm assuming you could make 20 sales or so if you're not a loud-talker and have a decent work ethic. Basically, once you get kicked out you're just off to the next retail establishment. The bigger the store, the better as you would trend less conspicuous.
I'm thinking after expenses (mainly time, gasoline and a little wear and tear on your vehicle), on a good afternoon you could make somewhere in the neighborhood of 70 bucks or so. Plus, you could probably convince a few people to use their kids and sell them multiple coupons. Hell, you could try to encourage the Doritos "variety is the spice of life closeout special" - you sell them 10 coupons for $5 bucks and let them get every flavor variety over time (this would necessitate multiple visits). And in the year 2010, I've never seen so many different flavors. 10 might be a bit high. 8 sounds more likely. Incidentally, my favorite is the mix bag with the Pizza Cravers/Ranch. And Doritos are slightly healthier than most other chips.
This reminds me of a tale from my high school years. Jepsonian and I would hang outside Listening Booth - a record/cassette store at the Ohio Valley Mall. They had this promotion all summer where you would get these certificates that filled out a larger redemption sheet for a free cassette. The more money you spent, the more coupons you got. So we'd approach these random strangers exiting the store and ask them if they were going to use their coupons. "Hey, can we have them? We're so close to getting a free cassette, we can taste it." In fact, on a busy day we'd often split up and run people down. Half the time, people would hand them over. The other half would not. This one afternoon we did some killer business. Over the course of a few hours, we managed to fill out 6 sheets. That meant a strong redemption of 6 brand new cassettes tapes. We were in heaven. In the day, that was about 60 or 70 bucks worth of heavy metal. Overkill, Nuclear Assault, Testament... etc. You get the mindset.
Anyway, this salesbitch from Merry-Go-Round eventually ratted us out. Why she would do this still I have no idea whatsoever? Jealousy, I suppose. She was probably angry we weren't using the coupon sheets for her favorite Stacy Q or the latest Jermaine Stewart cassette. We were pissed off! I do recall yelling mild obscenities into the store and trying to dissuade shoppers from entering that place.
Anyway, on the ride home from the mall, I popped in a brand new King Diamond tape called "Them." The song "Tea" evoked chills! Yes grandma, it's always time for tea. For some unknown reason, Jepsonian wanted to save the cassette cellophane wrapping. To do this day, I have no idea. When I asked him why (at the time), he mumbled, "Ahhh, you'd probably think it's stupid."
So I'd like to think we were pretty successful in the first ever known Listening Booth systempunkt. Soon after, their corporate headquarters ended the marketing promotion. It brings a tear to my eye to think it might have been a direct result of that fateful afternoon. 20+ years later, I'd like to see someone follow in our footsteps. Dare to dream.
Incidentally, I printed out a bunch of the coupons. If you see me, ask for a few. I'll have them in my car. Tell your friends.
Phase 2 - Hang out in the chip aisle of various retail establishments. I'm thinking first and foremost - WALMART and then hit some of the lesser trafficked stores (Kroger, Target, gas stations, CVS, Rite Aid, etc.). If you see anyone contemplating purchasing a bag of chips, tell them you'll sell them a coupon for $1.00. Almost every normal person carries a dollar bill on them. I would think most would succumb. Especially if you give them a brief (possibly fictitious) hard luck story. College kids can say they're doing it as some kind of frat/hazing stunt and they aren't allowed back to campus until they get $50 worth of coupons sold for this evenings kegger. That's a tremendous story line because it's fun, evokes a minor amount of sympathy and is less annoying then the straight up panhandling approach.
Alright, here's the hard, cold truth. Eventually, someone is going to spill the beans and the manager is going to kick your ass outta there. But in the meantime, I'm assuming you could make 20 sales or so if you're not a loud-talker and have a decent work ethic. Basically, once you get kicked out you're just off to the next retail establishment. The bigger the store, the better as you would trend less conspicuous.
I'm thinking after expenses (mainly time, gasoline and a little wear and tear on your vehicle), on a good afternoon you could make somewhere in the neighborhood of 70 bucks or so. Plus, you could probably convince a few people to use their kids and sell them multiple coupons. Hell, you could try to encourage the Doritos "variety is the spice of life closeout special" - you sell them 10 coupons for $5 bucks and let them get every flavor variety over time (this would necessitate multiple visits). And in the year 2010, I've never seen so many different flavors. 10 might be a bit high. 8 sounds more likely. Incidentally, my favorite is the mix bag with the Pizza Cravers/Ranch. And Doritos are slightly healthier than most other chips.
This reminds me of a tale from my high school years. Jepsonian and I would hang outside Listening Booth - a record/cassette store at the Ohio Valley Mall. They had this promotion all summer where you would get these certificates that filled out a larger redemption sheet for a free cassette. The more money you spent, the more coupons you got. So we'd approach these random strangers exiting the store and ask them if they were going to use their coupons. "Hey, can we have them? We're so close to getting a free cassette, we can taste it." In fact, on a busy day we'd often split up and run people down. Half the time, people would hand them over. The other half would not. This one afternoon we did some killer business. Over the course of a few hours, we managed to fill out 6 sheets. That meant a strong redemption of 6 brand new cassettes tapes. We were in heaven. In the day, that was about 60 or 70 bucks worth of heavy metal. Overkill, Nuclear Assault, Testament... etc. You get the mindset.
Anyway, this salesbitch from Merry-Go-Round eventually ratted us out. Why she would do this still I have no idea whatsoever? Jealousy, I suppose. She was probably angry we weren't using the coupon sheets for her favorite Stacy Q or the latest Jermaine Stewart cassette. We were pissed off! I do recall yelling mild obscenities into the store and trying to dissuade shoppers from entering that place.
Anyway, on the ride home from the mall, I popped in a brand new King Diamond tape called "Them." The song "Tea" evoked chills! Yes grandma, it's always time for tea. For some unknown reason, Jepsonian wanted to save the cassette cellophane wrapping. To do this day, I have no idea. When I asked him why (at the time), he mumbled, "Ahhh, you'd probably think it's stupid."
So I'd like to think we were pretty successful in the first ever known Listening Booth systempunkt. Soon after, their corporate headquarters ended the marketing promotion. It brings a tear to my eye to think it might have been a direct result of that fateful afternoon. 20+ years later, I'd like to see someone follow in our footsteps. Dare to dream.
Incidentally, I printed out a bunch of the coupons. If you see me, ask for a few. I'll have them in my car. Tell your friends.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
safe auto jingle
Has anyone seen this new Safe Auto insurance commercial? I find it bizarre. Apparently, the company had a nationwide (no pun intended) jingle contest and the winner would receive the highest honor of appearing in a new commercial. No wonder John Kerry threw away his Vietnam era Purple Heart. If he looked less like a hybrid Herman Munster/Frankenstein and sounded more like Justin Beiber, he could have written a jingle for Safe Auto or in his case, probably AIG.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dcg9Gj1bsMM
Alright, now that you've been exposed to this nonsense - Just who is this corpulent black woman? I've seen plenty of commercials in my time, but I don't think I've ever seen a morbidly obese woman glorified in this manner. It must be part of some greater strategy. So I did some minimal research. I've seen other Safe Auto commercials and they seem to utilize the following themes:
* we provide the least amount of insurance required by law for low income citizens.
* if you don't have insurance, you'll be arrested and your life will be screwed.
Just an aside, I've also noticed their predisposition for repeatedly using interracial couples in their ads. I find that interesting because it tends to be rare. With the emergence of this new "Justin Case" ad, and his Michael Jackson-dance-hat-throw, it just made me wonder, "What the fuck is this?" And who the hell is this enormous, hip-hoppin-no-necked ebony goddess? Who is she? Well get this. It's the daughter of the marginally famous ReRun character from the 1970's sitcom What's Happening!* Apparently, her name is Lady ReRun! I read her bio and she's an aspiring actor/dancer/singer/rapper/song writer. Sounds about right.
Lady ReRun is a battle tested warrior as you surely can tell. She has overcome the societal disadvantage of her 4'11"/280lb frame and I suspect all the ensuing diabetic & circulation issues related to childhood obesity. If you click on the following link, you'll see a candid portrayal of her road to thespian fulfillment...
http://dothejingle.safeauto.com/SeeThe Jingles.aspx?vid=122
Now seriously, what the fuck was that? She's like lounging poolside. I mean, like, ya know, I'm gonna enter this Safe Auto contest. Like, it'll be great if I win. And like, it'll be fun too. It's like, I got nuthin' to lose! For the sake of mother fucking God, this bullshit is on Safe Auto's corporate website. It's as if they're embracing this jibber jabber. Even Mr. T's more eloquent. And why does the clip subtly try to imply that it's a pool at her home? There's nobody else lounging around poolside. I'm guessing it was a Hampton Inn at 8am on the outskirts of Hotlanta.
It seems to me that Safe Auto is trying to secure the niche for one of the fastest growing segments of the population - low income, overweight, minority status & minimal education. Sorry if that sounds politically incorrect. Just calling it like I see it.
I also took a look at some geographical statistics. Here are the "fattest" regions of the United States in descending order...
East South Central > Alabama, Kentucky, Mississippi & Tennessee
West South Central > Arkansas, Louisiana, Oklahoma & Texas
East North Central > Illinois, Indiana, Michigan, Ohio & Wisconsin
Now here are the states where you can currently purchase insurance from Safe Auto (their corporate headquarters is based in Columbus, Ohio)...
Arizona Illinois Mississippi Oklahoma Tennessee
Georgia Kentucky Missouri Pennsylvania Texas
Indiana Louisiana Ohio South Carolina
See any overlap? Is this a mere coincidence? I doubt it. I think they're purposely trying to target the aforementioned segments of society. Now if you know me, you know I have this utter revulsion for insurance companies of any ilk. They really have become the scourge of society. This reminds me of the cigarette companies targeting young children. Lady Rerun is like, representin', like ya know, that Joe Camel guy. Seriously, she even has the extra humps or in this case... lumps.
* - ReRun also starred in the sitcom's brief, 3 week long revival "What's Happening NOW"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dcg9Gj1bsMM
Alright, now that you've been exposed to this nonsense - Just who is this corpulent black woman? I've seen plenty of commercials in my time, but I don't think I've ever seen a morbidly obese woman glorified in this manner. It must be part of some greater strategy. So I did some minimal research. I've seen other Safe Auto commercials and they seem to utilize the following themes:
* we provide the least amount of insurance required by law for low income citizens.
* if you don't have insurance, you'll be arrested and your life will be screwed.
Just an aside, I've also noticed their predisposition for repeatedly using interracial couples in their ads. I find that interesting because it tends to be rare. With the emergence of this new "Justin Case" ad, and his Michael Jackson-dance-hat-throw, it just made me wonder, "What the fuck is this?" And who the hell is this enormous, hip-hoppin-no-necked ebony goddess? Who is she? Well get this. It's the daughter of the marginally famous ReRun character from the 1970's sitcom What's Happening!* Apparently, her name is Lady ReRun! I read her bio and she's an aspiring actor/dancer/singer/rapper/song writer. Sounds about right.
Lady ReRun is a battle tested warrior as you surely can tell. She has overcome the societal disadvantage of her 4'11"/280lb frame and I suspect all the ensuing diabetic & circulation issues related to childhood obesity. If you click on the following link, you'll see a candid portrayal of her road to thespian fulfillment...
http://dothejingle.safeauto.com/SeeThe Jingles.aspx?vid=122
Now seriously, what the fuck was that? She's like lounging poolside. I mean, like, ya know, I'm gonna enter this Safe Auto contest. Like, it'll be great if I win. And like, it'll be fun too. It's like, I got nuthin' to lose! For the sake of mother fucking God, this bullshit is on Safe Auto's corporate website. It's as if they're embracing this jibber jabber. Even Mr. T's more eloquent. And why does the clip subtly try to imply that it's a pool at her home? There's nobody else lounging around poolside. I'm guessing it was a Hampton Inn at 8am on the outskirts of Hotlanta.
It seems to me that Safe Auto is trying to secure the niche for one of the fastest growing segments of the population - low income, overweight, minority status & minimal education. Sorry if that sounds politically incorrect. Just calling it like I see it.
I also took a look at some geographical statistics. Here are the "fattest" regions of the United States in descending order...
East South Central > Alabama, Kentucky, Mississippi & Tennessee
West South Central > Arkansas, Louisiana, Oklahoma & Texas
East North Central > Illinois, Indiana, Michigan, Ohio & Wisconsin
Now here are the states where you can currently purchase insurance from Safe Auto (their corporate headquarters is based in Columbus, Ohio)...
Arizona Illinois Mississippi Oklahoma Tennessee
Georgia Kentucky Missouri Pennsylvania Texas
Indiana Louisiana Ohio South Carolina
See any overlap? Is this a mere coincidence? I doubt it. I think they're purposely trying to target the aforementioned segments of society. Now if you know me, you know I have this utter revulsion for insurance companies of any ilk. They really have become the scourge of society. This reminds me of the cigarette companies targeting young children. Lady Rerun is like, representin', like ya know, that Joe Camel guy. Seriously, she even has the extra humps or in this case... lumps.
* - ReRun also starred in the sitcom's brief, 3 week long revival "What's Happening NOW"
pro wrestling recollections
When I was 11-12 years old, I went through a phase. I was addicted to professional wrestling. Somewhere out there, there's an individual my age (39) who will appreciate this post. First off I'll tackle the age old question (real vs. fake) from the unique perspective of a 5th grader. At the time, I wasn't really sure either way. Of course my family would just chuckle and claim "that the blood is from ketchup packets." But I knew the blood was real and some of the story lines seemed very credible. Lots of angry foreigners (Ivan Koloff - The Russian Bear, The Iron Sheik, Boris Volkov, and countless others). You've got to realize that my naivete was shaped by my rudimentary understanding of the political landscape. The early days of the cold war, Ronald Reagan's assertion that the Soviet Union was an "evil empire", that bone-chilling movie where everyone gets nuked (I think it was called The Day After) and my vague recollections of the Iranian Hostage crisis from when I was 10 years old - All these things played a role in shaping my thought process. The good vs. evil refrain was something simple I could grasp.
I would go to the matches too. I think this would later fuel my obsession with arenas and stadiums. After endless requests, my parents finally broke down and took us to the Pittsburgh Civic Arena for a WWF event. And they even opened the roof that night. I thought the entire thing would open up but it still had a magical feeling. I still remember some of the matches. Ivan "The Polish Hammer" Putsky (probably the most boring wrestler of the time) defeated this guy (I think it was The Unpredictable Johnny Rodz) with a headlock that seemed to span the entire 15 minutes. Speaking of boring, how about the Intercontinental Champion Pedro Morales? I remember the tag team of Tony Gorea and Rick Martell winning. The main events were Don Muraco (my personal all-time favorite) vs. Rocky Johnson and Bob Backlund defeated George "The Animal" Steele in less than a minute. I felt robbed that the main event was over so quickly; nonetheless, I was hooked.
Pro wrestling touched my life personally. We had a brief run-in with the legendary Bruno Sammartino of Pittsburgh. Get this. My father accidentally received his Paine Webber brokerage statement in the mail sometime around 1980. This was back in the days when they hand-stuffed the envelopes. Think about it. The names Saferstein and Sammartino were obviously next to each other in the stack. I never understood the story until my brother recently mentioned it. For some reason, I thought it had to do with a luggage mix-up at the old Pittsburgh airport.
Anyway, I needed more. So I delved deeper into the various magazines (The Wrestler and Inside Wrestling). Then I discovered these independent newsletters. These things would detail the results of ALL the matches. Now I knew who was victorious in Rochester and Erie, who was defeated in Allentown and Syracuse. I was immersing myself in this shit. As I stated, I needed more so I began watching the Atlanta Superstation circuit. These characters seemed more uninhibited, crazed and reckless. The days of Dusty Rhodes, Paul Orndorff, Abdullah the Butcher, The Moondogs (Rex and Spot) and countless others. The beauty of WCW - they would come to Wheeling about 3 times a year. When they'd do the interviews and mention "Wheeling" or "Cambridge," my ears would light up.
The real vs. fake dilemma reached critical mass when I saw "Mad Dog" Buzz Sawyer and Tommy "Wildfire" Rich emerge from the 7/11 on Market Street with a case of beer. They were laughing and stumbling. What the fuck? These two were bitter enemies engaged in a huge, ongoing feud and now I witness them hooping it up? Could they have possibly settled their differences? I watched the following week with great concern, but much to my chagrin, they still hated each other. I had difficulty reconciling this mess.
During this time, I took up photography and converted the downstairs bathroom into a credible darkroom. I would shoot my own horribly distant pictures and develop them. All in all, it was a good learning experience. Take that glossy picture of Stan Hansen and carefully place it in the fixer and stop bath.
And I managed to get my review of the local matches nationally published! I submitted a review of the main event to "The Wrestler" - A Texas Strap Match between Captain Dick Murdoch and Buzz Sawyer. They altered some of the phrasing but maintained most of its integrity. Fortunately, the writer kept the words "bloody and brutal." And to see my real name "Eric Saferstein" next to the column... I was in heaven. Now I was famous.
Every so often, they'd broadcast the matches from Madison Square Garden on USA network. The entire event would last 2-3 hours. This was a huge deal. My buddy and I would mimic the performance. An occasional elbow drop or Chief Jay Strongbow Indian dance (hell, he was on the warpath - his opponent's punches are ineffective if he's on the warpath). I remember one night we looked through the tv guide and it said "USA - Wrestling 9pm." We knew what that meant. We were on pins and needles all week with giddy anticipation of the Friday night rasslin. So the time finally comes. We tune in and it was BOXING, not wrestling. We were so pissed off we thought about suing. We had a hard time dealing with the raw grief that night. Our Friday night was squashed. I vaguely remember talking about trying to hire a lawyer. We were going to sue TV Guide and USA Network for misrepresentation and intentional infliction of emotional distress. At the time, we just called it "lying" though. I remember asking my parents if they knew some good attorneys. Only in West Virginia could a 12 year old be so litigious.
My obsession with pro wrestling eventually subsided by 8th grade or so. I tried to recapture the energy in the late 1990's. I would secretly tape the WWF during Monday Night Football and skim through it when I got home late. We even made signs and hit some of the matches. My favorite "I'd Rather be on Air France" was confiscated in Wheeling. This was immediately following the deadly crash of one of their Concords. However, "Russell Nesbitt Proudly Welcomes WCW" made it on national tv.
At a WWF event in Pittsburgh I proudly displayed the sign "Gangbang Gangrel." Gangrel was an early day vampire before it became so trendy and fashionable. Poor Gangrel, his schtik came a decade too soon.
One time, Jenn and I went to a Pirates/Marlins game at Three Rivers. The Rock was doing a pre-game autograph session as well as throwing out the first pitch. We got there and the line seemed like it was a mile long. We cut line and dug in. It got a little ugly as there was some backlash from the crowd but we held our ground. I was going to meet The Rock come hell or high water. We had him sign our posters and I told him he should use the line, "with your hee hee'in and your haw haw'in" more often. That's a great line. He just chuckled and smiled.
I have absolutely no interest in pro wrestling these days. The characters are too ludicrous and obnoxious. The acting and story lines are so over-the-top. It just kills any attempt at credibility. You see, credibility was vital back in the day. It gave you this emotional, visceral reaction. I recall one time at the end of the matches at the Wheeling Civic Center. The villain won the main event. This skinny, long haired fan was so upset that he kicked open the glass exit door. It shattered everywhere and he bolted into the distance. I remember thinking, "wow, is that guy pissed. You know, he has every right to be pissed off."
In this generation, the slow and methodical development of grudge matches and feuds just isn't there. And some of the story lines... For the love of god, it has become way too sexual. All the "Suck Its" and relentless boob jobs. I can't fathom watching this stuff from the perspective of a pre-teen. Then again, I can't quite grasp how young kids comprehend the world of internet porn these days. In my day, you'd see a Playboy magazine and every once in a blue moon, you'd take a gander at a sleazier publication. That was a big deal. Nowadays, you just get flooded with the stuff. There's no build up and anticipation. That's the best part of being a kid. I miss the old high school metal days when you learned about upcoming concerts from a flier at the show. Testament at the City Limits, Crumbsuckers at the Electric Banana, Agnostic Front at some dive in Oakland. Now you just go plug in the name on Pollstar. It's all about instant gratification. And from what I've seen, the youth of today has definitely been affected. Everything is packaged like an American Idol show. There's no room for the lengthy self-exploration. No tolerance for an incubation period. Just youtube the shit.
Pro wrestling these days is crudely scripted entertainment. And it's really low-end amusement at that. But I will say one thing about Vince McMahon. Love him or hate him, he's probably the coolest billionaire on the planet. He leads by example. Whether it's having his head forcibly stuffed in a toilet or getting hosed by a mobile beer truck, there's only one Vince McMahon. I guess I just wish for the good ol days. When getting hit over the head with a chair was a big deal. When the Iron Sheik would "load his boot" by tapping his Arabian sandal (seriously, how could that possibly make a difference). When a wrestler got disqualified but kept the belt. When you had a beef, the commissioner (Jack Tunney) had to be called in. When a series of three drop kicks were enough to finish off an opponent.
I wonder... why were the champions of my era so dull? Babyface Bob Backlund, non-talker NWA champ Harley Race, AWA stalwart Nick Bockwinkle. These guys were intolerably dull. With the exception of Ric Flair, most of the other major stars bit it. Sucked. At least the villains of yester year had some attitude. Nowadays they all have attitudes, even me.
I would go to the matches too. I think this would later fuel my obsession with arenas and stadiums. After endless requests, my parents finally broke down and took us to the Pittsburgh Civic Arena for a WWF event. And they even opened the roof that night. I thought the entire thing would open up but it still had a magical feeling. I still remember some of the matches. Ivan "The Polish Hammer" Putsky (probably the most boring wrestler of the time) defeated this guy (I think it was The Unpredictable Johnny Rodz) with a headlock that seemed to span the entire 15 minutes. Speaking of boring, how about the Intercontinental Champion Pedro Morales? I remember the tag team of Tony Gorea and Rick Martell winning. The main events were Don Muraco (my personal all-time favorite) vs. Rocky Johnson and Bob Backlund defeated George "The Animal" Steele in less than a minute. I felt robbed that the main event was over so quickly; nonetheless, I was hooked.
Pro wrestling touched my life personally. We had a brief run-in with the legendary Bruno Sammartino of Pittsburgh. Get this. My father accidentally received his Paine Webber brokerage statement in the mail sometime around 1980. This was back in the days when they hand-stuffed the envelopes. Think about it. The names Saferstein and Sammartino were obviously next to each other in the stack. I never understood the story until my brother recently mentioned it. For some reason, I thought it had to do with a luggage mix-up at the old Pittsburgh airport.
Anyway, I needed more. So I delved deeper into the various magazines (The Wrestler and Inside Wrestling). Then I discovered these independent newsletters. These things would detail the results of ALL the matches. Now I knew who was victorious in Rochester and Erie, who was defeated in Allentown and Syracuse. I was immersing myself in this shit. As I stated, I needed more so I began watching the Atlanta Superstation circuit. These characters seemed more uninhibited, crazed and reckless. The days of Dusty Rhodes, Paul Orndorff, Abdullah the Butcher, The Moondogs (Rex and Spot) and countless others. The beauty of WCW - they would come to Wheeling about 3 times a year. When they'd do the interviews and mention "Wheeling" or "Cambridge," my ears would light up.
The real vs. fake dilemma reached critical mass when I saw "Mad Dog" Buzz Sawyer and Tommy "Wildfire" Rich emerge from the 7/11 on Market Street with a case of beer. They were laughing and stumbling. What the fuck? These two were bitter enemies engaged in a huge, ongoing feud and now I witness them hooping it up? Could they have possibly settled their differences? I watched the following week with great concern, but much to my chagrin, they still hated each other. I had difficulty reconciling this mess.
During this time, I took up photography and converted the downstairs bathroom into a credible darkroom. I would shoot my own horribly distant pictures and develop them. All in all, it was a good learning experience. Take that glossy picture of Stan Hansen and carefully place it in the fixer and stop bath.
And I managed to get my review of the local matches nationally published! I submitted a review of the main event to "The Wrestler" - A Texas Strap Match between Captain Dick Murdoch and Buzz Sawyer. They altered some of the phrasing but maintained most of its integrity. Fortunately, the writer kept the words "bloody and brutal." And to see my real name "Eric Saferstein" next to the column... I was in heaven. Now I was famous.
Every so often, they'd broadcast the matches from Madison Square Garden on USA network. The entire event would last 2-3 hours. This was a huge deal. My buddy and I would mimic the performance. An occasional elbow drop or Chief Jay Strongbow Indian dance (hell, he was on the warpath - his opponent's punches are ineffective if he's on the warpath). I remember one night we looked through the tv guide and it said "USA - Wrestling 9pm." We knew what that meant. We were on pins and needles all week with giddy anticipation of the Friday night rasslin. So the time finally comes. We tune in and it was BOXING, not wrestling. We were so pissed off we thought about suing. We had a hard time dealing with the raw grief that night. Our Friday night was squashed. I vaguely remember talking about trying to hire a lawyer. We were going to sue TV Guide and USA Network for misrepresentation and intentional infliction of emotional distress. At the time, we just called it "lying" though. I remember asking my parents if they knew some good attorneys. Only in West Virginia could a 12 year old be so litigious.
My obsession with pro wrestling eventually subsided by 8th grade or so. I tried to recapture the energy in the late 1990's. I would secretly tape the WWF during Monday Night Football and skim through it when I got home late. We even made signs and hit some of the matches. My favorite "I'd Rather be on Air France" was confiscated in Wheeling. This was immediately following the deadly crash of one of their Concords. However, "Russell Nesbitt Proudly Welcomes WCW" made it on national tv.
At a WWF event in Pittsburgh I proudly displayed the sign "Gangbang Gangrel." Gangrel was an early day vampire before it became so trendy and fashionable. Poor Gangrel, his schtik came a decade too soon.
One time, Jenn and I went to a Pirates/Marlins game at Three Rivers. The Rock was doing a pre-game autograph session as well as throwing out the first pitch. We got there and the line seemed like it was a mile long. We cut line and dug in. It got a little ugly as there was some backlash from the crowd but we held our ground. I was going to meet The Rock come hell or high water. We had him sign our posters and I told him he should use the line, "with your hee hee'in and your haw haw'in" more often. That's a great line. He just chuckled and smiled.
I have absolutely no interest in pro wrestling these days. The characters are too ludicrous and obnoxious. The acting and story lines are so over-the-top. It just kills any attempt at credibility. You see, credibility was vital back in the day. It gave you this emotional, visceral reaction. I recall one time at the end of the matches at the Wheeling Civic Center. The villain won the main event. This skinny, long haired fan was so upset that he kicked open the glass exit door. It shattered everywhere and he bolted into the distance. I remember thinking, "wow, is that guy pissed. You know, he has every right to be pissed off."
In this generation, the slow and methodical development of grudge matches and feuds just isn't there. And some of the story lines... For the love of god, it has become way too sexual. All the "Suck Its" and relentless boob jobs. I can't fathom watching this stuff from the perspective of a pre-teen. Then again, I can't quite grasp how young kids comprehend the world of internet porn these days. In my day, you'd see a Playboy magazine and every once in a blue moon, you'd take a gander at a sleazier publication. That was a big deal. Nowadays, you just get flooded with the stuff. There's no build up and anticipation. That's the best part of being a kid. I miss the old high school metal days when you learned about upcoming concerts from a flier at the show. Testament at the City Limits, Crumbsuckers at the Electric Banana, Agnostic Front at some dive in Oakland. Now you just go plug in the name on Pollstar. It's all about instant gratification. And from what I've seen, the youth of today has definitely been affected. Everything is packaged like an American Idol show. There's no room for the lengthy self-exploration. No tolerance for an incubation period. Just youtube the shit.
Pro wrestling these days is crudely scripted entertainment. And it's really low-end amusement at that. But I will say one thing about Vince McMahon. Love him or hate him, he's probably the coolest billionaire on the planet. He leads by example. Whether it's having his head forcibly stuffed in a toilet or getting hosed by a mobile beer truck, there's only one Vince McMahon. I guess I just wish for the good ol days. When getting hit over the head with a chair was a big deal. When the Iron Sheik would "load his boot" by tapping his Arabian sandal (seriously, how could that possibly make a difference). When a wrestler got disqualified but kept the belt. When you had a beef, the commissioner (Jack Tunney) had to be called in. When a series of three drop kicks were enough to finish off an opponent.
I wonder... why were the champions of my era so dull? Babyface Bob Backlund, non-talker NWA champ Harley Race, AWA stalwart Nick Bockwinkle. These guys were intolerably dull. With the exception of Ric Flair, most of the other major stars bit it. Sucked. At least the villains of yester year had some attitude. Nowadays they all have attitudes, even me.
Monday, May 17, 2010
political endorsement systempunkt
It seems that whenever Dick Cheney endorses a political candidate, they lose. Kay Bailey Hutchinson (R - Texas) lost a primary race to Rick Perry for governor. Bob Bennett (R-Utah) lost in the primary as well. And tomorrow there's a big race for Senate in Kentucky where the establishment candidate (Trey Greyson) is going to get pasted by Ron Paul's son, Rand Paul.
Surely, Dick Cheney must be aware of the negative impact of his endorsements. Perhaps he honestly believes he can help, but I doubt it. Cheney is far too measured and astute to be so naive regarding right-wing/centrist Republican politics. Seriously, Cheney's national approval rating is somewhere in the low teens. Is it possible he's using his endorsement as a weapon - a lethal kiss of death? I doubt it. Nonetheless, it got me to thinking.
What if you devised a national campaign where you linked your opponent to the scum of the earth? Think about it. What if serial murderer/cannibal Jeffery Dahmer had a Dukakis bumper sticker when they arrested him? I think the Jeff Dahmer shit happened in the late 80's. I might be wrong. But in this day of youtube, that's some high profile shit. Who the hell would want to be affiliated with a sodomizing cannibal?
Actually, Rush Limbaugh suggested that the recent U.S./Pakistani Times Square attempted car bomber had an Obama bumper sticker. Maybe he did. Maybe he didn't. I really don't know. Maybe the SUV's previous owner really did have an Obama bumper sticker.
Anyway, my point is that it's all fair game. What if you had video footage of a high profile pedophile priest from Minnesota getting into a car that had an Al Franken bumper sticker. The election is a hotly contested one and you spread the video virally and push it on the cable networks right at crunch time. There's no time to fight back. And to be honest, you really can't fight back. It's like asking the question, "How many times have you beaten your wife?" You lose every time.
Most voters want to believe that they picked the winner. Unless of course, you're so heavily principled that you voted for Pat Buchanan or Ralph Nader and screwed up the 2000 election. I'm talking about the majority of registered voters. More important than picking the winning candidate, the worst case scenario is being affiliated with the scumbag elements of society.
Right now I'd try to inflict misery through the use of British Petroleum, Goldman Sachs and maybe Ben Rothlisberger. Not many BP or Goldman Sachs bumper stickers out there, but what if you showed Arlen Specter getting into his vehicle and he had a BIG BEN #7 bumper sticker (that was discreetly stuck there by a political operative). It would demonstrate that Specter is nothing more than a Washington insider who's so completely mired in beltway politics that he's totally insulated himself. If he tried to deny his admiration of Rothlisberger, it just makes him look like an even bigger fool who's completely out of the loop.
That scenario is a bit absurd, but here's a real one. Let's say Rothlisberger suddenly decides the day before the election he's going to host an unofficial press conference. All the local stations go to interview him. He decides to give the interview in front of his mammoth Escalade in his massive driveway in front of his million dollar + home. Oddly enough, he has an Arlen Specter bumper sticker. Ka-Pow! Talk about an "accidental" political systempunkt! No time for damage control. You just sent Specter to an early retirement. Now he's affiliated with an arrogant, elitist athlete with a track record for abusing women and denigrating the common folk. We find out after the election that Sestak and Rothlisberger orchestrated the whole thing. I love these hypothetical high profile political scenarios.
Surely, Dick Cheney must be aware of the negative impact of his endorsements. Perhaps he honestly believes he can help, but I doubt it. Cheney is far too measured and astute to be so naive regarding right-wing/centrist Republican politics. Seriously, Cheney's national approval rating is somewhere in the low teens. Is it possible he's using his endorsement as a weapon - a lethal kiss of death? I doubt it. Nonetheless, it got me to thinking.
What if you devised a national campaign where you linked your opponent to the scum of the earth? Think about it. What if serial murderer/cannibal Jeffery Dahmer had a Dukakis bumper sticker when they arrested him? I think the Jeff Dahmer shit happened in the late 80's. I might be wrong. But in this day of youtube, that's some high profile shit. Who the hell would want to be affiliated with a sodomizing cannibal?
Actually, Rush Limbaugh suggested that the recent U.S./Pakistani Times Square attempted car bomber had an Obama bumper sticker. Maybe he did. Maybe he didn't. I really don't know. Maybe the SUV's previous owner really did have an Obama bumper sticker.
Anyway, my point is that it's all fair game. What if you had video footage of a high profile pedophile priest from Minnesota getting into a car that had an Al Franken bumper sticker. The election is a hotly contested one and you spread the video virally and push it on the cable networks right at crunch time. There's no time to fight back. And to be honest, you really can't fight back. It's like asking the question, "How many times have you beaten your wife?" You lose every time.
Most voters want to believe that they picked the winner. Unless of course, you're so heavily principled that you voted for Pat Buchanan or Ralph Nader and screwed up the 2000 election. I'm talking about the majority of registered voters. More important than picking the winning candidate, the worst case scenario is being affiliated with the scumbag elements of society.
Right now I'd try to inflict misery through the use of British Petroleum, Goldman Sachs and maybe Ben Rothlisberger. Not many BP or Goldman Sachs bumper stickers out there, but what if you showed Arlen Specter getting into his vehicle and he had a BIG BEN #7 bumper sticker (that was discreetly stuck there by a political operative). It would demonstrate that Specter is nothing more than a Washington insider who's so completely mired in beltway politics that he's totally insulated himself. If he tried to deny his admiration of Rothlisberger, it just makes him look like an even bigger fool who's completely out of the loop.
That scenario is a bit absurd, but here's a real one. Let's say Rothlisberger suddenly decides the day before the election he's going to host an unofficial press conference. All the local stations go to interview him. He decides to give the interview in front of his mammoth Escalade in his massive driveway in front of his million dollar + home. Oddly enough, he has an Arlen Specter bumper sticker. Ka-Pow! Talk about an "accidental" political systempunkt! No time for damage control. You just sent Specter to an early retirement. Now he's affiliated with an arrogant, elitist athlete with a track record for abusing women and denigrating the common folk. We find out after the election that Sestak and Rothlisberger orchestrated the whole thing. I love these hypothetical high profile political scenarios.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Faggotburger?
Well, something just happened to me about 30 minutes ago. I was coming from Riesbeck's and decided at the last second to get a Double Stack and small fries from Wendy's. For those unfamiliar with the Elm Grove drive thru layout, the exit is really an expansive area. You can easily pull in. In fact, if you had a hitch or some kind of wagon device on the back of your car, it would probably be advisable. Anyway, there's a 4 door maroon sedan (I think it was a Sebring) slowly pulling around the drive thru. I make the decision to just zip in the exit rather than go all the way around. I'd say I made it in by about 2 1/2 car lengths.
Anyway, there's 2 cars in front of me. About a minute later, I reach the drive thru speaker and I roll down my window. It's raining out, but not a downpour. The girl's voice comes over the speaker and I place my order. All of a sudden, the woman in the Sebring behind me yells out, "And a Faggotburger!"
I'm wondering, what the hell is she talking about. I tilt my head and look at her, "What? What was that?" The woman gets a little louder, "And you want a Faggotburger too!"
I just laughed and said, "Ohh, you can't really be upset that I snuck in the drive thru in front of you?"
Keep in mind it's raining out and she's extending her head well outside the window. I just chuckled and smiled. When I went to pay the girl, I heard her yell "Faggot!" one last time. I explain my dilemma to the drive thru girl but I don't think she understood what I was talking about.
Keep in mind, this woman looked about 45, medium blond hair, an overly tan semi-non-repugnant MILF wannabee. What's funnier is that there was a teenage boy in the passenger seat. I'm assuming it was her son. And the fact that when I departed, I bolted out the entrance probably infuriated her. I thought the whole thing incident was amusing, but I'm willing to bet that she's checking herself into a mental institution as we speak.
Looking back on this whole incident. I should have turned off the ignition and claimed my car just broke down. That might have led to some inane commentary. I could have used the comic relief material because I have a strong hunch it's gonna be a tense Game 7 tonight against Montreal. GO PENCILS! If they lose, the playoff beard is coming off. Maybe I should keep the beard anyway. Faggots generally don't grow beards.
Anyway, there's 2 cars in front of me. About a minute later, I reach the drive thru speaker and I roll down my window. It's raining out, but not a downpour. The girl's voice comes over the speaker and I place my order. All of a sudden, the woman in the Sebring behind me yells out, "And a Faggotburger!"
I'm wondering, what the hell is she talking about. I tilt my head and look at her, "What? What was that?" The woman gets a little louder, "And you want a Faggotburger too!"
I just laughed and said, "Ohh, you can't really be upset that I snuck in the drive thru in front of you?"
Keep in mind it's raining out and she's extending her head well outside the window. I just chuckled and smiled. When I went to pay the girl, I heard her yell "Faggot!" one last time. I explain my dilemma to the drive thru girl but I don't think she understood what I was talking about.
Keep in mind, this woman looked about 45, medium blond hair, an overly tan semi-non-repugnant MILF wannabee. What's funnier is that there was a teenage boy in the passenger seat. I'm assuming it was her son. And the fact that when I departed, I bolted out the entrance probably infuriated her. I thought the whole thing incident was amusing, but I'm willing to bet that she's checking herself into a mental institution as we speak.
Looking back on this whole incident. I should have turned off the ignition and claimed my car just broke down. That might have led to some inane commentary. I could have used the comic relief material because I have a strong hunch it's gonna be a tense Game 7 tonight against Montreal. GO PENCILS! If they lose, the playoff beard is coming off. Maybe I should keep the beard anyway. Faggots generally don't grow beards.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Pearl Jammed-Out
Gig and I hit back to back Pearl Jam shows last week. I'm going to take a brief hiatus from discussing the end of civilization and focus on something a bit lighter. First up was the Columbus show at Nationwide Arena. We got there with plenty of time to spare. We parked a few blocks away and made our way to the arena district. This was my first ever excursion to the downtown arena. I couldn't help but notice the overall cleanliness. Seriously, you couldn't even find a discarded cigarette butt. Not that I'm complaining, but the crowd seemed incredibly tame and the backdrop was immaculate. The people watching was relatively uneventful. Some people think I enjoy chaos and disorder - and while that is indeed true, I like to observe my confusion from a close yet secure distance. Seriously, I've always thought there would be a good market for "riot chasers." You've already got those bozos in the Midwest who go tornado chasing. Riot chasing would be bad ass. Hey, it invokes the exact same sense of anticipation and coordination. Saf, what kind of riots would appeal to you? Well, the recent economic induced rioting in Greece was pretty impressive. In the past I've made my zest for soccer riots well known. Anything involving mass looting is fine. You've just got to stay out of the real war zones which is pretty easy if you reside in Wheeling.
As I said earlier, it seemed like the fans were attending a Bar Mitzvah. Tickets were an easy score. Face value of $68 across the board. I snagged a floor ticket for $20 and Gig got hers for $11. Amazingly, her ticket was a floor seat as well. While people watching, Gig saw a friend/fellow coworker of hers who had relocated from Sacramento. I forget his name. He was on a mini tour (Columbus, Indy, Cleveland & Buffalo).
We skipped the opening act and found some seats about 15 rows back - dead center. Almost immediately, the lights went out and the band took the stage. We got shuffled back to some other seats on the aisle about 18 rows back. Still fine with me. I was perpetually worried that we'd get bumped to the back of the floor, but we managed to stay put for the entire show.
Inside the arena, the fans were rocking out. A marked change from the previous behavior. They opened with Oceans - one of my favorite openers but I couldn't figure out what the song was until about halfway through. They ripped through some of the usual suspects. Early on they played my favorite tune "Faithful" - a definite highlight. I also liked the 1st encore opener Just Breathe (for sentimental reasons) and the second encore opener Come Back (I don't think I've ever heard it live). I'd probably rank this as my second favorite Pearl Jam show just behind the 2006 Mellon Arena show. We had killer seats and the band was definitely on. Truth be told, the band is always "on." As we heard the early notes of Yellow Ledbetter, I grabbed Gig and we bolted for the exit. I was unusually determined not to get stuck in traffic. She kindly reminded me of this during the ride home. It's not necessary to run 20 yards ahead. I think I get this instinct from my father. Maybe it's something in the DNA or at the very least, sociologically ingrained. Sometimes, I'm way to preoccupied with the quick exit. But hey, the drive back was 2 hours+.
A few days later, we'd hit the Cleveland show at the famed "Q" - Quicken Loans Arena. We stopped at her mom's house in West Middlesex for a pleasant Mother's Day dinner. I guess it wasn't really a non-circuit path considering our origin was Pittsburgh. After a brief visit, we hit I-80 & 77. About an hour and a half later we snagged a tight parking spot directly in front of the arena. I snagged a ticket for $20 and Gig outdid herself with a $7 ticket (face value $69). She offered some kid 5 bucks and then sheepishly added an additional two bones. To quote a famous Sato line from the waning moments of Karate Kid II - "Your student become my teacher." Hey, that fucking "bone dance" belonged there. The castle is where they used to have it... right?
I've always been suspect of Cleveland concerts. Formerly known as Gund Arena (I prefer to call it Gunt Arena), the "Q" is an annoying place to see a concert. The ushers and security must think their jobs depend on an absolute adherence to making every patron behave perfectly. Assuring total calm and non-enjoyment seemed a priority. Oddly enough both our tickets were in the upper tier section 224. But we had singles, so we looked for some open seats on the side. We found a few, but this bald, black usher seemed intent on exposing us. They opened with Wash and into Hail Hail. The usher guy flashed his light on my tennis shoe and told me to stay out of the non-trafficked 2 row aisle. I'm pretty sure I overheard these two women next to us complain that we were in the wrong seats. Maybe it was the paranoia kicking in. Sure enough, a minute later the guy beams his flashlight and aggressively tapped me on the shoulder, "Let me see your tickets." I'm like, oh well, let's move up to the less congested upper tier. So we headed up there and found some seats. The seats had this "I'm at the top of the Empire State Building feel." The crowd up top was mostly seated with a few pockets of enthusiasm. For the most part though, it seemed like a morgue. Gig did spot her Sacramento friend on the floor below - Front row railing absolute dead center. I tried to experience the concert vicariously through this guy but we were just too far in the distance.
So we decided to head to the other side and snagged some good seats on the opposite side of the stage. There was this large 30 row chunk of seats that were mostly vacant. I was very content with these seats for the duration. Just as I said, "I think we finally found our home," the same bald usher dude from the OTHER side of the arena shows up and starts flashing us again. Unbelievable! I think this guy must have had antisemitic feelings regarding West Virginia Jews and Pennsylvania Roman Orthodox. Honestly, he really had this Malcom X thing going. In any event, it felt like payback for a hundred years of white Jew economic oppression. At this point, I look at Gig and say "Alright let's seek out the absolute worst seats in the entire arena." So we head up all the way into the 3rd level rafters. We ended up on the railing though. Actually, these new seats provided a nice overview. But we had grown accustomed to snagging excellent spots in the past so it was a bit of a letdown.
Seriously though, why not just caution tape off the block of seats. Wouldn't that be easier and send a clear cut message to the attendees? It would take about 30 seconds and cost 1/5 of a cent. But that's probably way too easy for the Cleveland "beat yourself up" mindset. It's vastly better to bug the shit out of anyone and everyone. This is why the Ohio fans are lame. Through the decades, the arenas and stadiums have routinely and systematically tried to squash even the slightest attempts at enthusiasm and freedom of expression. Think about it - the Dawg Pound? Done away with the new stadium. They probably saw someone drinking whiskey out of an over-sized plastic decorative dog biscuit. Ohhh, they're trying to pull a fast one. Let's kick him the fuck out of the stadium and revoke his season ticket license. Hey, great move on the behalf of the most consistent 5-11 team in the NFL. Even the Bungles break .500 from time to time. And how about Cleveland's version of Starlake Ampitheatre - fucking Blossom Ampitheater. Every major outdoor ampitheatre has a corporate name these days, but even the banks and insurance companies are too cool to buy the naming rights to this fucking shithole. You emerge from the disgust of Akron and the construction of 8 North. All of a sudden, you venture through this beautiful state park. Mammoth trees line the stunning entrance. Then you get out of your car and pop the hatch. Within seconds, some pimply faced teenage fuck on a golf cart warns you that there's no tailgating and if you don't go inside the venue, you'll be arrested and shipped off to Gitmo. Despite the silence, you've been arrested for disturbing the peace and attempting to coordinate a riot. If you try and snag a cheap ticket, you'll be detained for racketeering and attempted conspiracy for trying to defraud the venue. And the sound is horrible because of this prodigious slab of birch mahogany that covers the pavilion. Then, you try and exit the place and it takes over an hour because it's single file and some moron's candy apple red Ford Mustang broke down. CLEVELAND - YOU SUCK! I hate pro basketball, but I'm hoping the Cavs lose a game 7 final to the Suns this year. That would be the dream scenario. Nothing against LeBron James though - he seems ok.
Honestly though, the show was another killer - great version of "Given to Fly" near the end. They closed with very rare songs - Smile and Indifference. And even though my energy level was low, towards the end of the show, everyone was up. I think we just got shuffled around too much. Plus, I was kind of Pearl Jammed-Out. But if we hadn't hit them both, I would have never forgiven myself. Back to the Burgh in another 2 hour+ late night haul. Incidentally, the repeated tolls on 80/76 Ohio/PA border are really annoying. 2 separate $3.00 tolls within a 10 mile span. Just another way that the state of Ohio tries to suck the lifeblood from everyone.
As I said earlier, it seemed like the fans were attending a Bar Mitzvah. Tickets were an easy score. Face value of $68 across the board. I snagged a floor ticket for $20 and Gig got hers for $11. Amazingly, her ticket was a floor seat as well. While people watching, Gig saw a friend/fellow coworker of hers who had relocated from Sacramento. I forget his name. He was on a mini tour (Columbus, Indy, Cleveland & Buffalo).
We skipped the opening act and found some seats about 15 rows back - dead center. Almost immediately, the lights went out and the band took the stage. We got shuffled back to some other seats on the aisle about 18 rows back. Still fine with me. I was perpetually worried that we'd get bumped to the back of the floor, but we managed to stay put for the entire show.
Inside the arena, the fans were rocking out. A marked change from the previous behavior. They opened with Oceans - one of my favorite openers but I couldn't figure out what the song was until about halfway through. They ripped through some of the usual suspects. Early on they played my favorite tune "Faithful" - a definite highlight. I also liked the 1st encore opener Just Breathe (for sentimental reasons) and the second encore opener Come Back (I don't think I've ever heard it live). I'd probably rank this as my second favorite Pearl Jam show just behind the 2006 Mellon Arena show. We had killer seats and the band was definitely on. Truth be told, the band is always "on." As we heard the early notes of Yellow Ledbetter, I grabbed Gig and we bolted for the exit. I was unusually determined not to get stuck in traffic. She kindly reminded me of this during the ride home. It's not necessary to run 20 yards ahead. I think I get this instinct from my father. Maybe it's something in the DNA or at the very least, sociologically ingrained. Sometimes, I'm way to preoccupied with the quick exit. But hey, the drive back was 2 hours+.
A few days later, we'd hit the Cleveland show at the famed "Q" - Quicken Loans Arena. We stopped at her mom's house in West Middlesex for a pleasant Mother's Day dinner. I guess it wasn't really a non-circuit path considering our origin was Pittsburgh. After a brief visit, we hit I-80 & 77. About an hour and a half later we snagged a tight parking spot directly in front of the arena. I snagged a ticket for $20 and Gig outdid herself with a $7 ticket (face value $69). She offered some kid 5 bucks and then sheepishly added an additional two bones. To quote a famous Sato line from the waning moments of Karate Kid II - "Your student become my teacher." Hey, that fucking "bone dance" belonged there. The castle is where they used to have it... right?
I've always been suspect of Cleveland concerts. Formerly known as Gund Arena (I prefer to call it Gunt Arena), the "Q" is an annoying place to see a concert. The ushers and security must think their jobs depend on an absolute adherence to making every patron behave perfectly. Assuring total calm and non-enjoyment seemed a priority. Oddly enough both our tickets were in the upper tier section 224. But we had singles, so we looked for some open seats on the side. We found a few, but this bald, black usher seemed intent on exposing us. They opened with Wash and into Hail Hail. The usher guy flashed his light on my tennis shoe and told me to stay out of the non-trafficked 2 row aisle. I'm pretty sure I overheard these two women next to us complain that we were in the wrong seats. Maybe it was the paranoia kicking in. Sure enough, a minute later the guy beams his flashlight and aggressively tapped me on the shoulder, "Let me see your tickets." I'm like, oh well, let's move up to the less congested upper tier. So we headed up there and found some seats. The seats had this "I'm at the top of the Empire State Building feel." The crowd up top was mostly seated with a few pockets of enthusiasm. For the most part though, it seemed like a morgue. Gig did spot her Sacramento friend on the floor below - Front row railing absolute dead center. I tried to experience the concert vicariously through this guy but we were just too far in the distance.
So we decided to head to the other side and snagged some good seats on the opposite side of the stage. There was this large 30 row chunk of seats that were mostly vacant. I was very content with these seats for the duration. Just as I said, "I think we finally found our home," the same bald usher dude from the OTHER side of the arena shows up and starts flashing us again. Unbelievable! I think this guy must have had antisemitic feelings regarding West Virginia Jews and Pennsylvania Roman Orthodox. Honestly, he really had this Malcom X thing going. In any event, it felt like payback for a hundred years of white Jew economic oppression. At this point, I look at Gig and say "Alright let's seek out the absolute worst seats in the entire arena." So we head up all the way into the 3rd level rafters. We ended up on the railing though. Actually, these new seats provided a nice overview. But we had grown accustomed to snagging excellent spots in the past so it was a bit of a letdown.
Seriously though, why not just caution tape off the block of seats. Wouldn't that be easier and send a clear cut message to the attendees? It would take about 30 seconds and cost 1/5 of a cent. But that's probably way too easy for the Cleveland "beat yourself up" mindset. It's vastly better to bug the shit out of anyone and everyone. This is why the Ohio fans are lame. Through the decades, the arenas and stadiums have routinely and systematically tried to squash even the slightest attempts at enthusiasm and freedom of expression. Think about it - the Dawg Pound? Done away with the new stadium. They probably saw someone drinking whiskey out of an over-sized plastic decorative dog biscuit. Ohhh, they're trying to pull a fast one. Let's kick him the fuck out of the stadium and revoke his season ticket license. Hey, great move on the behalf of the most consistent 5-11 team in the NFL. Even the Bungles break .500 from time to time. And how about Cleveland's version of Starlake Ampitheatre - fucking Blossom Ampitheater. Every major outdoor ampitheatre has a corporate name these days, but even the banks and insurance companies are too cool to buy the naming rights to this fucking shithole. You emerge from the disgust of Akron and the construction of 8 North. All of a sudden, you venture through this beautiful state park. Mammoth trees line the stunning entrance. Then you get out of your car and pop the hatch. Within seconds, some pimply faced teenage fuck on a golf cart warns you that there's no tailgating and if you don't go inside the venue, you'll be arrested and shipped off to Gitmo. Despite the silence, you've been arrested for disturbing the peace and attempting to coordinate a riot. If you try and snag a cheap ticket, you'll be detained for racketeering and attempted conspiracy for trying to defraud the venue. And the sound is horrible because of this prodigious slab of birch mahogany that covers the pavilion. Then, you try and exit the place and it takes over an hour because it's single file and some moron's candy apple red Ford Mustang broke down. CLEVELAND - YOU SUCK! I hate pro basketball, but I'm hoping the Cavs lose a game 7 final to the Suns this year. That would be the dream scenario. Nothing against LeBron James though - he seems ok.
Honestly though, the show was another killer - great version of "Given to Fly" near the end. They closed with very rare songs - Smile and Indifference. And even though my energy level was low, towards the end of the show, everyone was up. I think we just got shuffled around too much. Plus, I was kind of Pearl Jammed-Out. But if we hadn't hit them both, I would have never forgiven myself. Back to the Burgh in another 2 hour+ late night haul. Incidentally, the repeated tolls on 80/76 Ohio/PA border are really annoying. 2 separate $3.00 tolls within a 10 mile span. Just another way that the state of Ohio tries to suck the lifeblood from everyone.
Wednesday, May 05, 2010
Phillies taser incident
A few days ago, this 17 year old high school kid ran out onto the field at a Phillies game at Citizens Bank Park Field or whatever they call that place. Of course, the story line is all about whether the use of a taser constituted "excessive force." To be honest, I think the tasering was justified. I'm inclined to say - hey, if you're gonna blatantly break the law and disrupt a pro sporting event just for the youtube highlights then you should get manhandled. Here's a hypothetical - what if the dumbshit kid had a taser himself and was running toward one of those 8 million per year outfielders. It's easy to sneak shit into a ballgame. It's not like a Slayer concert where they make you go through pat downs and metal detectors.
So the kid got tasered and that's that. Well, not entirely. You see, yesterday another Phillies fan stormed the field. This guy was a bit older and they managed to subdue him the old fashioned way. He's being hailed as a "copycat."
Just an aside, I remember some guy charging onto the field during a pro football game and this linebacker literally CRUSHED him with an old school GORE. That's some weirdos pro wrestling football move - 3 point stance, charge and tackle.
Anyway, the whole incident got me to thinking about the randomness of charging onto the field. Could there be a way to inflict REAL damage or have a definitive impact on the outcome of the game? What if, just what if it was a highly coordinated group of individuals that charge the field. What if a wide swath of fans were notified via text message - CHARGE! Kind of a simple message, but think about it. All of a sudden, instead of 1 lone nutjob, there's 50 guys running onto the field. And what if this group had an understanding that a specific (and seriously despised) ball player is fair game. What if there was an "I Hate Rothlisberger" facebook website (I'm sure there are several). Anyway, you could use a specifically targeted facebook page to help spread your systempunkt message. Not sure how wise it would be to jump onto the field at an NFL game though.
This would probably be best suited for flash mob style assaults on pro baseball players, since many stand in isolated areas on the field. Also, European soccer games come to mind - specifically goal keepers when the action is on the opposite side of the pitch.
My point - just like my past looting predictions for when this country approaches the abrupt verge of devastation via long-term steady decay, all these silly pillow fight and song & dance flash mobs spontaneously notified through electronic messaging won't be the only game in town. If there's a true state of equilibrium for advents in technology (and rest assured, there is balance in everything - Saf's overriding golden rule), a randomly coordinated flash mob assault on a professional athlete is inevitable. I would think the best target would be a very religious/extremist outspoken Muslim soccer player from Egypt, coming off the heals of a devastating terror attack in London. Some of the lower tier English Premier League teams (Sunderland, Wigan, etc.) play in less secure conditions and older facilities. Yet, they inevitably host high profile stars. That's where you'd design your pro athlete systempunkt.
In retrospect, the Rothlisberger angle was a poor choice. Sexual abuse allegations and assholic behavior are not enough to incite a mob. You need an extraordinary political event (most likely a terrorist attack that kills plenty of innocents, the smaller the town or community, the more effective). Perhaps an area that has been impacted by ongoing riots and/or protests would certainly facilitate matters. It's all about timing and asymmetry. These are the weapons of the future as lone individuals and small focused groups challenge the authority of the state and seek to overthrow the status quo.
So the kid got tasered and that's that. Well, not entirely. You see, yesterday another Phillies fan stormed the field. This guy was a bit older and they managed to subdue him the old fashioned way. He's being hailed as a "copycat."
Just an aside, I remember some guy charging onto the field during a pro football game and this linebacker literally CRUSHED him with an old school GORE. That's some weirdos pro wrestling football move - 3 point stance, charge and tackle.
Anyway, the whole incident got me to thinking about the randomness of charging onto the field. Could there be a way to inflict REAL damage or have a definitive impact on the outcome of the game? What if, just what if it was a highly coordinated group of individuals that charge the field. What if a wide swath of fans were notified via text message - CHARGE! Kind of a simple message, but think about it. All of a sudden, instead of 1 lone nutjob, there's 50 guys running onto the field. And what if this group had an understanding that a specific (and seriously despised) ball player is fair game. What if there was an "I Hate Rothlisberger" facebook website (I'm sure there are several). Anyway, you could use a specifically targeted facebook page to help spread your systempunkt message. Not sure how wise it would be to jump onto the field at an NFL game though.
This would probably be best suited for flash mob style assaults on pro baseball players, since many stand in isolated areas on the field. Also, European soccer games come to mind - specifically goal keepers when the action is on the opposite side of the pitch.
My point - just like my past looting predictions for when this country approaches the abrupt verge of devastation via long-term steady decay, all these silly pillow fight and song & dance flash mobs spontaneously notified through electronic messaging won't be the only game in town. If there's a true state of equilibrium for advents in technology (and rest assured, there is balance in everything - Saf's overriding golden rule), a randomly coordinated flash mob assault on a professional athlete is inevitable. I would think the best target would be a very religious/extremist outspoken Muslim soccer player from Egypt, coming off the heals of a devastating terror attack in London. Some of the lower tier English Premier League teams (Sunderland, Wigan, etc.) play in less secure conditions and older facilities. Yet, they inevitably host high profile stars. That's where you'd design your pro athlete systempunkt.
In retrospect, the Rothlisberger angle was a poor choice. Sexual abuse allegations and assholic behavior are not enough to incite a mob. You need an extraordinary political event (most likely a terrorist attack that kills plenty of innocents, the smaller the town or community, the more effective). Perhaps an area that has been impacted by ongoing riots and/or protests would certainly facilitate matters. It's all about timing and asymmetry. These are the weapons of the future as lone individuals and small focused groups challenge the authority of the state and seek to overthrow the status quo.
Sunday, May 02, 2010
Fox News prediction
The immigration debate will continue for the foreseeable future. I predict that a story similar to the one I'm about to unveil will inevitably break on Fox News (the most balanced source for sensationalism). The producers are very adept at spoon feeding stories to the general public. Hey, when they needed to put a face on the dilemma of the oppressed white American male in his mid 40's who's having difficulty maintaining his 200K/year salary, Joe the Plumber stepped up. Now, they've got a new challenge but this one's far easier and way more obvious.
Here's what will happen in the near future. Somewhere in a wealthy Phoenix suburb (I'm thinking Scottsdale or maybe even Paradise Valley - go figure) the following scenario will unfold. A Hispanic man from Mexico (early 20's) will be romantically involved with a young, attractive American girl. This will not be a Paris Hilton type. However, she will have long blond hair and a very "girl-next door" look, trending shy and unassuming. The relationship will be a relatively turbulent one. I'm guessing at one point he was their pool-boy or worked on the landscaping. He's controlling and manipulative, resentful of her family and often tries to lay down the law. All kinds of rules and regulations (almost of a Maury Povich like consistency). Oh yeah, and he sponges off her. Let's even give him a name (perhaps something ethnic that sounds like Hey Zeus).
Anyway, one night when the Mexican National soccer team gets eliminated from the World Cup, Jesus goes into an absolute rage and there's a domestic altercation at her parent's home. It's a loud disturbance in a high profile, gated community. So the cops are called in. They come and settle things down. The police show a certain amount of discretion considering that it's a million dollar zone and they've never been to that address in the past. They never ask for identification and nobody is taken to jail for the night as it seems that things have settled down.
About an hour after the police exit, Jesus goes "wolfman bezerker" and beats the hell out of his girlfriend. When the parents and older sister try to intervene, he gets a gun and kills all of them. Or for even better shock value, gets a knife and stabs all of them to death. Regardless, this ends up being a very grisly crime scene.
Ordinarily, this story could be national news, but wait there's a new twist. Jesus was here ILLEGALLY. He's an illegal alien. Ohhh, if only the cops had asked for him to produce identification, they would have known of his status. He would have been arrested, deported and this entire tragedy would have been averted. I'll even predict that Jesus gets away and flees back to Mexico. And now, the search is on. More importantly, the story is on.
This is what I like to call Fox News Heaven. Everyday for months this will be your headline story. Fox will own this damn thing. Hour by hour updates. Where's Jesus? Have you seen Jesus? Keep on the look out. He's an illegal alien and he's armed and dangerous (with a knife). This is how you own the ratings on the illegal immigration debate. Hell, this is how you own the news cycle. You stoke absolute fear and terror into the trophy moms and hedge fund dads. Jesus will become the face of the entire immigration debate. He's not Joe the Plumber. He's Jesus the groundskeeper and you better protect yourself. Most important, you better protect your daughter.
Trust me, this story or something incredibly similar to this is INEVITABLE. Of course it's news, but the manner in which it will be relentlessly portrayed and vilified is the real news story. I suppose it could happen in Texas, California or New Mexico, but right now Phoenix, AZ is ground zero.
Anyhoo, I'm sitting here watching the failed NYC Times Square car bomb story. Wouldn't it be fascinating if the culprit was an illegal alien? I doubt it though - more likely a rural, white militia nutjob. I'm still adamant that the car bombs are coming. If you want the best scenario, read about my superbowl blog. I forget what the title is. Just search on Indianapolis or New Orleans. Remember, you heard it here first. I'm going to blog some of my other predictions. Next up - the specific details of the emerging "Cold War" with China. Hey, it's going to be mega news in late 2011/early 2012. Might as well stay ahead of the curve.
Here's what will happen in the near future. Somewhere in a wealthy Phoenix suburb (I'm thinking Scottsdale or maybe even Paradise Valley - go figure) the following scenario will unfold. A Hispanic man from Mexico (early 20's) will be romantically involved with a young, attractive American girl. This will not be a Paris Hilton type. However, she will have long blond hair and a very "girl-next door" look, trending shy and unassuming. The relationship will be a relatively turbulent one. I'm guessing at one point he was their pool-boy or worked on the landscaping. He's controlling and manipulative, resentful of her family and often tries to lay down the law. All kinds of rules and regulations (almost of a Maury Povich like consistency). Oh yeah, and he sponges off her. Let's even give him a name (perhaps something ethnic that sounds like Hey Zeus).
Anyway, one night when the Mexican National soccer team gets eliminated from the World Cup, Jesus goes into an absolute rage and there's a domestic altercation at her parent's home. It's a loud disturbance in a high profile, gated community. So the cops are called in. They come and settle things down. The police show a certain amount of discretion considering that it's a million dollar zone and they've never been to that address in the past. They never ask for identification and nobody is taken to jail for the night as it seems that things have settled down.
About an hour after the police exit, Jesus goes "wolfman bezerker" and beats the hell out of his girlfriend. When the parents and older sister try to intervene, he gets a gun and kills all of them. Or for even better shock value, gets a knife and stabs all of them to death. Regardless, this ends up being a very grisly crime scene.
Ordinarily, this story could be national news, but wait there's a new twist. Jesus was here ILLEGALLY. He's an illegal alien. Ohhh, if only the cops had asked for him to produce identification, they would have known of his status. He would have been arrested, deported and this entire tragedy would have been averted. I'll even predict that Jesus gets away and flees back to Mexico. And now, the search is on. More importantly, the story is on.
This is what I like to call Fox News Heaven. Everyday for months this will be your headline story. Fox will own this damn thing. Hour by hour updates. Where's Jesus? Have you seen Jesus? Keep on the look out. He's an illegal alien and he's armed and dangerous (with a knife). This is how you own the ratings on the illegal immigration debate. Hell, this is how you own the news cycle. You stoke absolute fear and terror into the trophy moms and hedge fund dads. Jesus will become the face of the entire immigration debate. He's not Joe the Plumber. He's Jesus the groundskeeper and you better protect yourself. Most important, you better protect your daughter.
Trust me, this story or something incredibly similar to this is INEVITABLE. Of course it's news, but the manner in which it will be relentlessly portrayed and vilified is the real news story. I suppose it could happen in Texas, California or New Mexico, but right now Phoenix, AZ is ground zero.
Anyhoo, I'm sitting here watching the failed NYC Times Square car bomb story. Wouldn't it be fascinating if the culprit was an illegal alien? I doubt it though - more likely a rural, white militia nutjob. I'm still adamant that the car bombs are coming. If you want the best scenario, read about my superbowl blog. I forget what the title is. Just search on Indianapolis or New Orleans. Remember, you heard it here first. I'm going to blog some of my other predictions. Next up - the specific details of the emerging "Cold War" with China. Hey, it's going to be mega news in late 2011/early 2012. Might as well stay ahead of the curve.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
system disruption regarding AZ immigration law
Here's a hypothetical way to gain national publicity regarding the recently signed immigration law in Arizona. Let's say I'm a hispanic member of the U.S. Marines based in Tuscon, Mesa or anywhere in Arizona for that matter. I've already completed my first tour of duty in Iraq. I'm currently preparing to be deployed to Afghanistan. I've been running at the local high school track in an attempt to increase my endurance. I'm on my way there today as well. My position in the military does not offer much in the way of compensation. I currently drive a 2002 Honda Accord which has served me well over the years.
Anyway, I'm on my way to the track when I get pulled over for speeding. I never bring my wallet and identification with me when I go running. However, I do have my registration and proof of insurance but the policeman simply cannot verify my identity. My English is decent but the cop won't stop hammering me on the lack of being able to produce a valid drivers license. Sensing that the cop is a racist, I make the determination that's it a futile situation. At this point, I just decide to invoke my right to remain silent.
Unfortunately, the timing could not have been worse. Later this afternoon, my unit is set to deploy for the Middle East. The cop concludes he has reasonable cause to detain me and I end up in Maricopa county jail until I can verify that I'm not an illegal alien. I remain in jail for a week or so while the rest of my unit deploys.
Long story shot, now the U.S. military has issued a warrant for my arrest because they think I've gone AWOL. I wanted desperately to serve my country and fulfill my duty but the state "unknowingly" interfered. A situation like this would inevitably have to resolved in the courts. But it's a vastly more powerful demonstration of state law vs. federal law. It would work much better if it were staged and the cop was fully aware of the plot. There's literally tons of ways to expose the state law/federal law immigration documentation contradiction, but this one would be one of the most effective because it evokes so much passion from different angles. The media would have a field day with something like this.
Anyway, I'm on my way to the track when I get pulled over for speeding. I never bring my wallet and identification with me when I go running. However, I do have my registration and proof of insurance but the policeman simply cannot verify my identity. My English is decent but the cop won't stop hammering me on the lack of being able to produce a valid drivers license. Sensing that the cop is a racist, I make the determination that's it a futile situation. At this point, I just decide to invoke my right to remain silent.
Unfortunately, the timing could not have been worse. Later this afternoon, my unit is set to deploy for the Middle East. The cop concludes he has reasonable cause to detain me and I end up in Maricopa county jail until I can verify that I'm not an illegal alien. I remain in jail for a week or so while the rest of my unit deploys.
Long story shot, now the U.S. military has issued a warrant for my arrest because they think I've gone AWOL. I wanted desperately to serve my country and fulfill my duty but the state "unknowingly" interfered. A situation like this would inevitably have to resolved in the courts. But it's a vastly more powerful demonstration of state law vs. federal law. It would work much better if it were staged and the cop was fully aware of the plot. There's literally tons of ways to expose the state law/federal law immigration documentation contradiction, but this one would be one of the most effective because it evokes so much passion from different angles. The media would have a field day with something like this.
Monday, April 19, 2010
DUI checkpoint system disruption
Over the last decade I've witnessed the explosion of DUI checkpoints in our small town. It's pretty much an automatically propelled routine. States or the feds give grants to the local counties and cities in the name of "safety." The more money the police get for the programs, the more they seem to multiply. I recall when there was probably about 2 per year - usually on Memorial Day and Labor Day weekends. Now it seems there's about 2 per month. Sometimes the cops will get out a sign that says "DUI Checkpoint Ahead" and put their flashers on. But there's nothing even happening. I guess this is considered a deterrent.
My underlying point is that the system will continually feed on itself until the government redefines the priority of trying to stop drunk driving (that's never going to happen) or they run out of grant money (also never going to happen). Incidentally, they also have seat belt awareness stops where they ask to see your license, registration and proof of insurance. I'm particularly sensitive to these checkpoints because it would seem to me that in a small town, you could target specific areas which leads to profiling and the harassment of certain groups (low income trailer courts come to mind).
Well, what can you do to bring some accountability or balance to this runaway train? Here's the proposal. The police usually publish the locations of the checkpoints a day in advance. I would get a small group of people to drive through them at staggered intervals. Before entering the checkpoint scene, they will douse themselves with cheap whiskey or rum - any liquor with a significant odor. They'd be completely sober but would reek of alcohol. Obviously, the first words out of the cops mouth - "Have you been drinking tonight sir/ma'am." Your response could vary...
"I've had a few"
"Nope, I don't drink"
You could feign a little intoxication and exhibit some erratic behavior. The actual response is irrelevant. What matters is what comes next. The cops will ask you to exit the car and perform a variety of sobriety tests. You will then refuse all tests with one exception, you'll let them draw blood. Keep in mind that your actual blood alcohol level is 0.0. This will absorb time and manpower since they have to inform you of your miranda rights and physically take you to the hospital. Here's another approach. Purposely fail some of the balance, verbal skills and mental acuity tests. Hell, your alcohol free so there's nothing wrong with absorbing the maximum amount of time. Perhaps lie and even say that you've been drinking all day.
All these shenanigans will impact the current checkpoint model. The cops simply don't have a credible way to counteract this. And with the video cameras filming away, they must maintain very strict accordance to their established rules and procedures. They have an incredibly small margin for error. And they probably won't have the manpower on hand to adequately deal with multiple perpetrators.
Next you'll have your information campaign. Letter to the editor, inform the local TV news, signs and flyers, or perhaps coordinate some advertisements with a local attorney who specializes in litigating and defending DUI's. Your argument is a simple one. The cops harassed me and made my life a living hell even though I never consumed a drop of alcohol. These omnipresent checkpoints have gotten out of hand. If your group of individuals trying to game the system are racial minorities, it's even more convincing. Perhaps some of your pranksters could employ broken English. The main point here - all of a sudden these sobriety checkpoints will come under heavy scrutiny regarding their effectiveness and legality. They have finally been subjected to the generally laws of balance. Long overdue, I might add.
Considering the small town nature of Wheeling, this town is literally begging for a system disruption. It's ideal for testing precedent and procedure because the damn checkpoints are becoming increasingly prevalent. The only dilemma - pulling this thing off would take a helluva lot of testicular fortitude. Personally, even I wouldn't want to assume the burden and future stigma derived from such a stunt. And if I'm afraid to organize the whole thing, I can't fathom that someone else would take an active interest.
Seriously though, I find these checkpoints troubling. They will continue to gather momentum and sustainability until the pendulum swings the other way. We're on the brink of "Registration" checkpoints and "Proof of Insurance" checkpoints. Who knows, maybe random "vehicle inspections" are right around the corner. As the economy continues to erode, the government will naturally explore more invasive methods for exerting financial stress on its citizens. Until people fight back of course.
Just a note of reference. In all honesty, this whole thing was not my idea. It's from a friend of mine who shall remain nameless. Great idea though. Pulling it off though, well... that's another matter entirely.
My underlying point is that the system will continually feed on itself until the government redefines the priority of trying to stop drunk driving (that's never going to happen) or they run out of grant money (also never going to happen). Incidentally, they also have seat belt awareness stops where they ask to see your license, registration and proof of insurance. I'm particularly sensitive to these checkpoints because it would seem to me that in a small town, you could target specific areas which leads to profiling and the harassment of certain groups (low income trailer courts come to mind).
Well, what can you do to bring some accountability or balance to this runaway train? Here's the proposal. The police usually publish the locations of the checkpoints a day in advance. I would get a small group of people to drive through them at staggered intervals. Before entering the checkpoint scene, they will douse themselves with cheap whiskey or rum - any liquor with a significant odor. They'd be completely sober but would reek of alcohol. Obviously, the first words out of the cops mouth - "Have you been drinking tonight sir/ma'am." Your response could vary...
"I've had a few"
"Nope, I don't drink"
You could feign a little intoxication and exhibit some erratic behavior. The actual response is irrelevant. What matters is what comes next. The cops will ask you to exit the car and perform a variety of sobriety tests. You will then refuse all tests with one exception, you'll let them draw blood. Keep in mind that your actual blood alcohol level is 0.0. This will absorb time and manpower since they have to inform you of your miranda rights and physically take you to the hospital. Here's another approach. Purposely fail some of the balance, verbal skills and mental acuity tests. Hell, your alcohol free so there's nothing wrong with absorbing the maximum amount of time. Perhaps lie and even say that you've been drinking all day.
All these shenanigans will impact the current checkpoint model. The cops simply don't have a credible way to counteract this. And with the video cameras filming away, they must maintain very strict accordance to their established rules and procedures. They have an incredibly small margin for error. And they probably won't have the manpower on hand to adequately deal with multiple perpetrators.
Next you'll have your information campaign. Letter to the editor, inform the local TV news, signs and flyers, or perhaps coordinate some advertisements with a local attorney who specializes in litigating and defending DUI's. Your argument is a simple one. The cops harassed me and made my life a living hell even though I never consumed a drop of alcohol. These omnipresent checkpoints have gotten out of hand. If your group of individuals trying to game the system are racial minorities, it's even more convincing. Perhaps some of your pranksters could employ broken English. The main point here - all of a sudden these sobriety checkpoints will come under heavy scrutiny regarding their effectiveness and legality. They have finally been subjected to the generally laws of balance. Long overdue, I might add.
Considering the small town nature of Wheeling, this town is literally begging for a system disruption. It's ideal for testing precedent and procedure because the damn checkpoints are becoming increasingly prevalent. The only dilemma - pulling this thing off would take a helluva lot of testicular fortitude. Personally, even I wouldn't want to assume the burden and future stigma derived from such a stunt. And if I'm afraid to organize the whole thing, I can't fathom that someone else would take an active interest.
Seriously though, I find these checkpoints troubling. They will continue to gather momentum and sustainability until the pendulum swings the other way. We're on the brink of "Registration" checkpoints and "Proof of Insurance" checkpoints. Who knows, maybe random "vehicle inspections" are right around the corner. As the economy continues to erode, the government will naturally explore more invasive methods for exerting financial stress on its citizens. Until people fight back of course.
Just a note of reference. In all honesty, this whole thing was not my idea. It's from a friend of mine who shall remain nameless. Great idea though. Pulling it off though, well... that's another matter entirely.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
WBC final thoughts ( a week later)
Well, the Westboro Baptist Church idiots were successful in causing a decent amount of grief and uproar. I hit up 3 out of the 4 stops (St. Mike's, St. Alphonsus and the waning moments of the Perkins debacle). I skipped St. Joe's and visited the counter-protest at the Wheeling Park Ampitheatre. I wanted to reflect on it for a few days rather than just write down my immediate reactions.
I was fascinated by the near violent reaction by local residents. For those of you who missed it, there were basically 6 WBC protesters. 1 woman, 2 men and 3 kids (ages probably 7-10). The children held the most offensive signs (God Loves Dead Coal Miners & God Loves Dead Soldiers). The mangy gray-haired woman was particularly driven to dispense her opinions. She would abruptly break out in song (All ye sinners, God forgive thee, etc.) One of the men would videotape everything with a hand held recording device. It has been suggested that this "church" makes a living simply by filing lawsuits. I seriously doubt this. People make too big a deal about filing lawsuits. Anyone can sue anyone for anything. Collecting a settlement is a far different matter. It's much more likely that their leader Fred Phelps simply has a million bucks or so. And he has a few idiots in his stable who can travel with minimal expenses. All they really had was a 10 year old Chrysler Minivan and some signs. In reality, that's all it takes. That and some inflamed locals and a little media coverage.
So here are the highlights/lowlights (depending on your perspective)
A. A man in his 40's who was most likely a military veteran showed up at the first protest. He was filled with rage and would occasionally lash out verbally. I never spoke to him but I did notice that when everything disbanded, he was walking away in tears. This was not some puny guy. He was probably 6' 200 lbs. He was being comforted by a woman (probably his wife). My point - he was so emotional that he had difficulty walking back to his car.
B. There was a moment a cop asked the young boy, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" The blond haired, blue eyed child snapped at the cop, "You're going to Hell!" Oddly, the child was wearing a Tampa Bay Buccaneers ball cap. I thought this was unusual because I'm pretty sure they'd despise the NFL which provides employment opportunities to gays. That's pretty much there overriding logic when it comes to everything. Miners supply coal > the coal provides energy > the energy comes in the form of heat > the heat helps warm peoples homes > some of these people are gay. Hence, miners willingly support and encourage sodomy. Of course, you can use this type of specious God-oriented reasoning ad nauseum. The God argument is always the easiest. I think that's why it's so popular worldwide. It doesn't really call for much deep thinking - an overwhelming characteristic of those who wholeheartedly embrace religious dogma. Very Palinesque - praise the troops, cheer if you love freedom, speak out if you don't like wasteful, big government, high taxes, etc. Not the most informative policy positions. With that in mind, I've recently come to the conclusions that there are 2 different types of people on this planet. No, not liberal or conservative. It goes far deeper than that. I'd say that the most prevailing way to distinguish people is this...
There are 2 types of people - those who ask why, and those who do NOT ask why. Neither is necessarily better. You can live and maintain a successful, non-inquisitive life style and be entirely happy. I know many people who just seem to accept things. They have this "there's nothing I can do about it, so why get all agitated and try to change things."
There I go - going off on my tangent. Back to the highlights.
I noticed while at the St. Mike's protest that one woman was allowed beyond the police imposed barrier. Everyone else was forbidden to cross the street. This woman had two signs and would pace aggressively back and forth. She seemed generally composed but very determined to make it known that she thought the WBC was despicable. A few minutes later I learned that she was from Steubenville and the WBC had protested at her son's military funeral the day before.
The crowd at St. Mike's was pretty diverse. Lots of teenagers on bicycles trying to comprehend what the hell was going on. Plenty of hecklers with diverse comments. Many would counter with the imbecilic refrain, "You're the ones who are going to Hell!" A youthful, effeminate gay man stood out. "I'm more of a man than you'll ever be!" Kind of a comical buffoonish episode.
The cops seemed composed and generally had an attitude - "We'll just do our jobs and try to keep the peace." At one point, I sternly said the following, "If you're under the age of 16 and steal one of their signs, I will pay you $20 for it." One of the cops gave me a look of death and pointed his finger at me. His facial expression said it all - listen you godless troublemaker, if you say that again, I'm taking you downtown. Seriously though, this idea has merit. Here's a potential idea for exploiting the WBC fuckheads...
Just a I did, encourage a group of rowdy teens on bicycles to just zip by them and steal their signs. One thing I noticed, they had too many signs. The adults would hold multiple ones from time to time. If coordinated properly, a few boys could wrestle some of the signs away or just snag a few lying on the ground. Then, they scatter on their bikes in different directions. The two cops would have had few alternatives. If you chase after the kids, you appear foolish and worse yet, leave the WBC anti-cocksucking faggots with no police protection. And here's the best part, you take the signs and try to sell them on ebay. You assure potential bidders that a significant percentage of the proceeds from the sale will end up funding charitable organizations that the WBC rails against. Once it catches on in the media, you have created an inverted, viable small scale systemic disruption. Personally, I just wanted an original sign for my library. That would have been bad ass, particularly the sign featuring two male stick figures engaged in a sexual act. I might have even written on it - "THIS IS BAD ASS."
After St. Alphonsus, me and Jepson went to the counter-protest at Wheeling Park. I'd say it was unusually disappointing. The facebook page said over 350 were going to attend. Turns out it was more like 85. A few people on the hill side playing cornhole (or if you live in Pennsylvania it's called bean bag toss). And there were a few musicians singing with acoustic guitars. Kind of like a sparsely attended Peter, Paul and Mary show without anyone puffing the magic dragon. Sometimes I'm not sure whih I despise more - People that espouse hatred in the name of God (aka fire and brimstone shit) or people who are all about the goodness and love of the Lord. I generally prefer the hatred because it consists of more "variable entertainment."
Then it was onto the final stop. 5 of us went up to the base foothills of Wheeling Jesuit University. A crowd of a 100 kids were out there holding up signs. Most were throwing frisbees, hacky-sacking and making drinking plans for later in the evening. It became apparent that the WBC were denied permission to enter the campus so they ended up at the triangular median next to Perkins of the I-70 ramp. Fortunately, we encountered a woman who zipped us over. Regrettably, I can't go into details on this. Here's a brief verbal synopsis which took place on the ride over.
Saf - "I was hoping there'd be some kind of Soakapalooza. Did you hear about that?"
Female - "Ohhh, I can't believe someone made that flyer. That was just plain ridiculous."
Saf - "I know. I know. What kind of an asshole would do such a thing?"
3 second pause
Saf "IT WAS ME! I AM SOAKAPALOOZA! C'mon, who else would do that?"
Female - (staring back at me while on the interstate) "I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT WAS YOU!"
So we get to the place and the police are escorting them back to their minivan. We go running after them on the opposite side of the road. The last thing I remember was screaming at them from across the road, "YOU'RE GOING TO HELL!"
I was fascinated by the near violent reaction by local residents. For those of you who missed it, there were basically 6 WBC protesters. 1 woman, 2 men and 3 kids (ages probably 7-10). The children held the most offensive signs (God Loves Dead Coal Miners & God Loves Dead Soldiers). The mangy gray-haired woman was particularly driven to dispense her opinions. She would abruptly break out in song (All ye sinners, God forgive thee, etc.) One of the men would videotape everything with a hand held recording device. It has been suggested that this "church" makes a living simply by filing lawsuits. I seriously doubt this. People make too big a deal about filing lawsuits. Anyone can sue anyone for anything. Collecting a settlement is a far different matter. It's much more likely that their leader Fred Phelps simply has a million bucks or so. And he has a few idiots in his stable who can travel with minimal expenses. All they really had was a 10 year old Chrysler Minivan and some signs. In reality, that's all it takes. That and some inflamed locals and a little media coverage.
So here are the highlights/lowlights (depending on your perspective)
A. A man in his 40's who was most likely a military veteran showed up at the first protest. He was filled with rage and would occasionally lash out verbally. I never spoke to him but I did notice that when everything disbanded, he was walking away in tears. This was not some puny guy. He was probably 6' 200 lbs. He was being comforted by a woman (probably his wife). My point - he was so emotional that he had difficulty walking back to his car.
B. There was a moment a cop asked the young boy, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" The blond haired, blue eyed child snapped at the cop, "You're going to Hell!" Oddly, the child was wearing a Tampa Bay Buccaneers ball cap. I thought this was unusual because I'm pretty sure they'd despise the NFL which provides employment opportunities to gays. That's pretty much there overriding logic when it comes to everything. Miners supply coal > the coal provides energy > the energy comes in the form of heat > the heat helps warm peoples homes > some of these people are gay. Hence, miners willingly support and encourage sodomy. Of course, you can use this type of specious God-oriented reasoning ad nauseum. The God argument is always the easiest. I think that's why it's so popular worldwide. It doesn't really call for much deep thinking - an overwhelming characteristic of those who wholeheartedly embrace religious dogma. Very Palinesque - praise the troops, cheer if you love freedom, speak out if you don't like wasteful, big government, high taxes, etc. Not the most informative policy positions. With that in mind, I've recently come to the conclusions that there are 2 different types of people on this planet. No, not liberal or conservative. It goes far deeper than that. I'd say that the most prevailing way to distinguish people is this...
There are 2 types of people - those who ask why, and those who do NOT ask why. Neither is necessarily better. You can live and maintain a successful, non-inquisitive life style and be entirely happy. I know many people who just seem to accept things. They have this "there's nothing I can do about it, so why get all agitated and try to change things."
There I go - going off on my tangent. Back to the highlights.
I noticed while at the St. Mike's protest that one woman was allowed beyond the police imposed barrier. Everyone else was forbidden to cross the street. This woman had two signs and would pace aggressively back and forth. She seemed generally composed but very determined to make it known that she thought the WBC was despicable. A few minutes later I learned that she was from Steubenville and the WBC had protested at her son's military funeral the day before.
The crowd at St. Mike's was pretty diverse. Lots of teenagers on bicycles trying to comprehend what the hell was going on. Plenty of hecklers with diverse comments. Many would counter with the imbecilic refrain, "You're the ones who are going to Hell!" A youthful, effeminate gay man stood out. "I'm more of a man than you'll ever be!" Kind of a comical buffoonish episode.
The cops seemed composed and generally had an attitude - "We'll just do our jobs and try to keep the peace." At one point, I sternly said the following, "If you're under the age of 16 and steal one of their signs, I will pay you $20 for it." One of the cops gave me a look of death and pointed his finger at me. His facial expression said it all - listen you godless troublemaker, if you say that again, I'm taking you downtown. Seriously though, this idea has merit. Here's a potential idea for exploiting the WBC fuckheads...
Just a I did, encourage a group of rowdy teens on bicycles to just zip by them and steal their signs. One thing I noticed, they had too many signs. The adults would hold multiple ones from time to time. If coordinated properly, a few boys could wrestle some of the signs away or just snag a few lying on the ground. Then, they scatter on their bikes in different directions. The two cops would have had few alternatives. If you chase after the kids, you appear foolish and worse yet, leave the WBC anti-cocksucking faggots with no police protection. And here's the best part, you take the signs and try to sell them on ebay. You assure potential bidders that a significant percentage of the proceeds from the sale will end up funding charitable organizations that the WBC rails against. Once it catches on in the media, you have created an inverted, viable small scale systemic disruption. Personally, I just wanted an original sign for my library. That would have been bad ass, particularly the sign featuring two male stick figures engaged in a sexual act. I might have even written on it - "THIS IS BAD ASS."
After St. Alphonsus, me and Jepson went to the counter-protest at Wheeling Park. I'd say it was unusually disappointing. The facebook page said over 350 were going to attend. Turns out it was more like 85. A few people on the hill side playing cornhole (or if you live in Pennsylvania it's called bean bag toss). And there were a few musicians singing with acoustic guitars. Kind of like a sparsely attended Peter, Paul and Mary show without anyone puffing the magic dragon. Sometimes I'm not sure whih I despise more - People that espouse hatred in the name of God (aka fire and brimstone shit) or people who are all about the goodness and love of the Lord. I generally prefer the hatred because it consists of more "variable entertainment."
Then it was onto the final stop. 5 of us went up to the base foothills of Wheeling Jesuit University. A crowd of a 100 kids were out there holding up signs. Most were throwing frisbees, hacky-sacking and making drinking plans for later in the evening. It became apparent that the WBC were denied permission to enter the campus so they ended up at the triangular median next to Perkins of the I-70 ramp. Fortunately, we encountered a woman who zipped us over. Regrettably, I can't go into details on this. Here's a brief verbal synopsis which took place on the ride over.
Saf - "I was hoping there'd be some kind of Soakapalooza. Did you hear about that?"
Female - "Ohhh, I can't believe someone made that flyer. That was just plain ridiculous."
Saf - "I know. I know. What kind of an asshole would do such a thing?"
3 second pause
Saf "IT WAS ME! I AM SOAKAPALOOZA! C'mon, who else would do that?"
Female - (staring back at me while on the interstate) "I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT WAS YOU!"
So we get to the place and the police are escorting them back to their minivan. We go running after them on the opposite side of the road. The last thing I remember was screaming at them from across the road, "YOU'RE GOING TO HELL!"
Friday, April 09, 2010
soakapalooza
If the Westboro Baptist Church imbeciles showed up near my house, I would hose them down. Or here's an alternative - Tell them you appreciate their message and would like to hold up one of their signs. Then set it on fire. If I owned a motorcycle, I would park right next to them and rev it for the duration. The continual noise and exhaust would be immeasurably disconcerting. And I'd construct a sign that says "Loud Pipes Save Lives" - that's my message. How about this - bring an old school boom box and blare an audio ripped cd of an extremely hardcore pornographic dvd. Or how about this - walk by them and blast an air horn in the ear of the oldest protester. "God Loves Air Horns."
Here's some things I would NOT do. Have a bake sale. Join hands and sing John Lennon's "Give Peace a Chance." Pray for their souls. Pray for an end to hatred. Pray in general. Actively encourage avoidance and indifference. Consult a Catholic pedophile priest for advice on how best to cope with all the impending negativity. Most important - no hippie drum circles. Cartman would agree with me on this. 95% of Wheeling residents would not agree with me on this. My ultimate dilemma - I'm on the fringe of the 5%. But at least I am fully aware of this.
http://www.theintelligencer.net/page/content.detail/id/536572.html
Here's some things I would NOT do. Have a bake sale. Join hands and sing John Lennon's "Give Peace a Chance." Pray for their souls. Pray for an end to hatred. Pray in general. Actively encourage avoidance and indifference. Consult a Catholic pedophile priest for advice on how best to cope with all the impending negativity. Most important - no hippie drum circles. Cartman would agree with me on this. 95% of Wheeling residents would not agree with me on this. My ultimate dilemma - I'm on the fringe of the 5%. But at least I am fully aware of this.
http://www.theintelligencer.net/page/content.detail/id/536572.html
Wednesday, April 07, 2010
Westboro continued
So Saturday is the big day when the Fred Phelps Topeka freaks come to town. These are the same morons that once held up signs - "God Loves Dead Coal Miners." I wonder if they'll have the guts to go that rout again, especially in the wake of the worst mining disaster in decades.
Apparently, they are now avoiding Wheeling Jesuit and holding their "protest" at that little triangular median near Perkins in Woodsdale. I can't really call this debacle a protest because anytime you invoke the word of God, it renders your message useless. The lord says this, my god says that - what a joke bordering on true embarrassment. Now here's where it gets really sad. In typical fashion, those wild, rebellious Wheeling College kids are fighting back. I spoke with a girl and she said they're planning a bake sale and contributing the proceeds to groups the WBC rails against. What the fuck is that? Let me explain. My name is Mary Ellen and I'm from Alexandria, Virginia. My parents dole out nearly 30K a year so I can learn how to pray and sneak into the Alpha late on a Thursday night. I'm not gonna get crazy tonight (drink 3 tequila sunrises). Instead, I'll go to the dorms kitchen and bake a tray of rice krispy treats. Then, I will top them with sprinkles. Then I'll donate all the proceeds to AIDS research. TAKE THAT you Westboro Church hatemongers. You'll rue the day you came to Wheeling.
Again, I'm not sure which is more pathetic. The WBC or the lame ass response by the relocated beltway kids seeking their theology degrees. Fucking pathetic. When did this country get so politically correct. If you have a problem with some cult (all religions are cults but the WBC is particularly obnoxious), why not hose them down? Ohhh, someone could get hurt. Gimme a fucking break. There's nothing wrong with going old school. Tar and feather, pie in the face, turn on the hose, spray them down with holy water, hurl mud - these are the kind of tactics that should be implemented.
Of course, then you'd hear the typical Wheeling bible belt refrain. We won't stoop to their level. We'll have a counter protest and hold hands. We'll make signs that say "God Loves Everyone" or "Hatred is Hateful." Give me a mother fucking break. The citizens of this country are so timid and enfeebled. This town finally has a chance to prove its worth to the entire country and the residents will indubitably take a pass. The churchies in this town? Their idea of political participation is voting for their favorite American Idol contestant. Their idea of system disruptions is defying the "Do not feed the ducks" sign at Wheeling Park. They can't tell me what to do!
So here's the deal. They'll still be at the three Catholic churches. I guess the Wheeling Police Dept. is assigning a few officers to make sure things don't get out of hand. I think this is WEAK. If you're going to purposefully try to enrage people with one of the lamest forms of the LCD (Lowest Common Denominator) behavior, then you should be on your own. Of course, the Westboro Baptist Church assholes usually get young children to hold their signs. How's that for accountability? Having a 7 year old girl hold up a sign at a military funeral that says "Thank God for IEDs.
My point - and trust me, I'm probably the biggest free speech advocate in the area. But it has to be SUBSTANTIVE At the very least, have just a sliver of merit or purpose. When you use the God argument, there's just nothing there. Even shouting "fire" in a crowded theater has a purpose. These brainwashed fuckheads have no purpose whatsoever.
This whole debacle is just such a sad commentary on Wheeling. I imagine the counter protesters will declare victory. We are proud. We defeated evil. Yeah, good for you.
Even worse are the mindless responses, "There's karma out there" or "You'll get yours" or "Remember, what goes around comes around" or my favorite "They'll face God on judgement day." Seriously, what the fuck does any of that shit really mean. Answer: zilch.
If you don't like a bunch of brainwashed dumbshits preaching their version of religious nonsense, then I implore you - DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
Apparently, they are now avoiding Wheeling Jesuit and holding their "protest" at that little triangular median near Perkins in Woodsdale. I can't really call this debacle a protest because anytime you invoke the word of God, it renders your message useless. The lord says this, my god says that - what a joke bordering on true embarrassment. Now here's where it gets really sad. In typical fashion, those wild, rebellious Wheeling College kids are fighting back. I spoke with a girl and she said they're planning a bake sale and contributing the proceeds to groups the WBC rails against. What the fuck is that? Let me explain. My name is Mary Ellen and I'm from Alexandria, Virginia. My parents dole out nearly 30K a year so I can learn how to pray and sneak into the Alpha late on a Thursday night. I'm not gonna get crazy tonight (drink 3 tequila sunrises). Instead, I'll go to the dorms kitchen and bake a tray of rice krispy treats. Then, I will top them with sprinkles. Then I'll donate all the proceeds to AIDS research. TAKE THAT you Westboro Church hatemongers. You'll rue the day you came to Wheeling.
Again, I'm not sure which is more pathetic. The WBC or the lame ass response by the relocated beltway kids seeking their theology degrees. Fucking pathetic. When did this country get so politically correct. If you have a problem with some cult (all religions are cults but the WBC is particularly obnoxious), why not hose them down? Ohhh, someone could get hurt. Gimme a fucking break. There's nothing wrong with going old school. Tar and feather, pie in the face, turn on the hose, spray them down with holy water, hurl mud - these are the kind of tactics that should be implemented.
Of course, then you'd hear the typical Wheeling bible belt refrain. We won't stoop to their level. We'll have a counter protest and hold hands. We'll make signs that say "God Loves Everyone" or "Hatred is Hateful." Give me a mother fucking break. The citizens of this country are so timid and enfeebled. This town finally has a chance to prove its worth to the entire country and the residents will indubitably take a pass. The churchies in this town? Their idea of political participation is voting for their favorite American Idol contestant. Their idea of system disruptions is defying the "Do not feed the ducks" sign at Wheeling Park. They can't tell me what to do!
So here's the deal. They'll still be at the three Catholic churches. I guess the Wheeling Police Dept. is assigning a few officers to make sure things don't get out of hand. I think this is WEAK. If you're going to purposefully try to enrage people with one of the lamest forms of the LCD (Lowest Common Denominator) behavior, then you should be on your own. Of course, the Westboro Baptist Church assholes usually get young children to hold their signs. How's that for accountability? Having a 7 year old girl hold up a sign at a military funeral that says "Thank God for IEDs.
My point - and trust me, I'm probably the biggest free speech advocate in the area. But it has to be SUBSTANTIVE At the very least, have just a sliver of merit or purpose. When you use the God argument, there's just nothing there. Even shouting "fire" in a crowded theater has a purpose. These brainwashed fuckheads have no purpose whatsoever.
This whole debacle is just such a sad commentary on Wheeling. I imagine the counter protesters will declare victory. We are proud. We defeated evil. Yeah, good for you.
Even worse are the mindless responses, "There's karma out there" or "You'll get yours" or "Remember, what goes around comes around" or my favorite "They'll face God on judgement day." Seriously, what the fuck does any of that shit really mean. Answer: zilch.
If you don't like a bunch of brainwashed dumbshits preaching their version of religious nonsense, then I implore you - DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
Sunday, April 04, 2010
sonofsynthetic/sonofSTFU
Yes!
The new, secret, special, fun, Easter edition sonofcds are in. The excitement is contagious! It's as if I purchased some kind of Walmart Rabbit-Doll wrapped in a blanket. It's called "Bunny in a Blanket" instead of the less inspiring "kosher pigs in a schmatta." The blanket reads "Hey Meester, It's Easter!" "Bunny in a Blanket" is already a huge hit in Northern Alabama and has received strong consumer reviews in suburban Topeka.
My point is pretty obvious. Hypothetically, let's say you run into me at Rite Aid. You're in the process of checking out and purchasing the aforementioned "Bunny in a Blanket." You appear exuberant as your nipples protrude through your Wheeling Feeling Chili Cook-Off t-shirt. Again, my point. You're so excited about the neo-rabbit shit that you fail to inquire about my new compilation cds. Not cool. Here's what you'd be missing out on.
Sonofsynthetic. Sounds like a synthesizer inspired compilation which would denote mid 80's. But I tried to delve into the 70's and 90's as well. In any event, I picked out some of my favorites that were a little off the beaten path. As always, If you like any of the selections, just ask me for the entire concert.
I always liked the Ice Cube/Lil' Kim "You Can Do It, Put Your Ass Into It" song. This one's from some kind of MTV Hip-Hop Festival in Stuttgart, Germany (2008).
Good Beastie Boys bootlegs are difficult to come by. "Super Disco Breakin" was snagged from a 2007 show in Salzburg, Austria.
This version of David Bowie's "Fashion" comes from his 1997 Madison Square Garden 50th birthday show. It is hands down one of the best live bootlegs I own. He has all kinds of guest appearances (Foo Fighters, Lou Reed, The Cure, etc.). This show is sick. Whoever mixed this concert - let's just say he/she knew what the hell they were doing.
"Radio Ga Ga" is my favorite Queen song. Everyone remembers the version from Live Aid - easily the highlight of the entire 1985 concert. I got this one from the "Rock in Rio" Festival. Same year, different continent - Rio de Janiero, Brazil.
I was searching for a live version of Blondie's Rapture but couldn't find anything. "Heart of Glass" is her second set opener at the famed venue The Hammersmith Odeon in London England (1980)
Styx's "Grand Illusion" stands the test of time. They open their Chicago, Illinois concert with it in 1977. In 1977, I was 7.
One my favorite episodes of Miami Vice was the episode where Crockett and Tubbs rescue this young girl from a bunch of rednecks in the Everglades. They played "Girls With Guns" by Tommy Shaw when the guys hit the road. I honor them by occasionally taking it to the streets as well. This one's from a 1985 show in his hometown of Montgomery, Alabama.
"Goodbye Stranger" is from a Supertramp show in 1983. Munich, Germany is the location. Michael Scott does a great parody of this song from an episode of The Office. Of course, he calls it "Goodbye Toby." You might remember some of his other works such as "Beers in Heaven" and "Total Eclipse of the Fart."
I included this Puddle of Mudd studio version of Psycho" because I knew this girl who loved it and she was incredibly psycho. It just seemed to fit.
"Safety Dance" by Men Without Hats is a strong tune. This one's from a 1983 BBC Live Concert. I'm surprised they had enough material to do an entire concert. If anyone can name one of their other songs I'd be surprised. Truly a one-hit wonder. Near the 1:30 minute mark, someone on stage yells "SAF."
There are absolutely zero decent bootlegs from the Yes 90125 tour. I love the song "Leave It" and this is the best I could find. The song itself takes precedence over the weak sound quality.
Hall and Oates came to Wheeling one time. I filled up my parking lot (C-12, across from the Best Western) and then filled up a few others. I'd say it was a profitable evening. This version of "Method of Modern Love" is from a show in Los Angeles (1984).
This might be my all-time favorite heavy synthesizer song. Duran Duran's "Save A Prayer" from Buenos Aires, Argentinia (2005). Argentina barely made it in South America World Cup qualifying, but I have a feeling they'll make it to the final this year. Lots of talent. Watch for them this summer.
One of my favorite Smashing Pumpkins song is the heartfelt "Thirty Three" - this one's from a radio broadcast in 1997 - Vancouver's General Motors Place. I love the Smashing Pumpkins. If only the singer didn't have such a tinny, irritating voice. I met their lead guitarist James Iha at a 1991 Dead show at Soldiers Field, but that's another story.
I chose to close out sonofsynthetic with the venerable Sir Paul McCartney playing "Strawberry Fields" at Knebworth, England in 1990. It segues into a brief "Give Peace A Chance." It makes me wonder if the U.S. will invade and occupy another country. Call me naive but I think we may be done with the "go to war and nation build" phase of the U.S. empire. Then again, perhaps not.
sonofSTFU? That means SHUT THE FUCK UP? This one is a tribute to all those people who post music on facebook and myspace. It reminds me of a quote from one of my favorite philosophers...
"They want to rock but they don't know how" - Steve Narick (1994).
"For Those About To Rock" is my all-time favorite AC/DC song. It's always a closer, so let's make it an opener. This one's from Phoenix, AZ (2000). It's incredibly unlikely that my parents attended this concert. I like the rawness of Brian Johnson's voice. I don't think he'd make the cut on American Idol.
Remember the live video for "Parental Guidance" from Judas Priest's Turbo 1987 tour? I'm glad I lived through the 1980's metal phase. There will never be anything like it.
I had to throw in another Priest tune so I went with the often forgotten metal anthem "Heavy Duty." This one is from the an Albuquerque, New Mexico show in 1984. I never realized Rob Halford was gay. It dawned on me about 10 years later. I was just as naive as the kid in the Steel Phantom movie.
Here's another West coast (Los Angeles) song from 1984. Quiet Riot's "Metal Health" is a bit annoying but I watched "The Wrestler" and I liked his intro music. I wonder if Kevin Dubrow has finally accepted his predisposition toward male-pattern baldness. I hope he has.
Believe it or not, this version of "He Said She Said" is from 2009. It's a Limp Bizkit reunion show at Donington, England.
How about some Marilyn Manson? Way too many killer songs to choose from, but I went with "Use Your Fist, Not Your Mouth." It's from an outdoor festival in Madrid, Spain (2003).
In my mind, there's only one true METAL band and it's Metallica. If you believe that, you're fucking lame. The correct answer is Slayer. In fact, I can hear the distant cries of Ken Dague from Tasmania, "PLAY SOME SLAYER YOU FUCKING PUSSIES!" In his honor, I give you "Silent Scream" from 1992.
Speaking of Ken, he also enjoyed the commentary of Chuck Billy - lead singer of the band Testament. "Get those beers up!" So how about the classic "Into The Pit" from Dynamo Festival (2000).
There is a forgotten metal/thrash band called Vio-Lence. I partied with these guys a couple of times. I assure you - everything they wrote was full throttle. This is probably their most famous song - "Eternal Nightmare."
I never cared much for Anthrax. But I always liked the song "Only." This version is a little soundboardish, but I like the sound of the double-kick bass drum or whatever you musicians call that. This version is from Santiago, Chile in 1998.
Blackie Lawless is still going strong. The WASP frontman is a looking a bit haggard, so here he is in his prime singing "Wanna Be Somebody." 1996 - Tokyo, Japan.
Gotta love Iron Maiden's classic "Run To The Hills" - This version is from Buenos Aires, Argentina from the Somewhere Back on Tour tour. Up the Irons irons.
London, England is the location for this 1984 rendition of "We Rock" by Ronnie James Dio. I can't think of any other rock stars that use their middle names.
Finally, I closed it out with Radiohead's "Creep." I'm not a big fan of this song but I know everyone else likes it and they rarely play it live.
As is always the case, if you like a particular song and want a copy of the entire concert, just gimme a ring. This whole sonofwhatever thing is about promoting LIVE music, not the never-ending refrain of studio versions of Sussudio. Anyone can throw together a mix cd of prerecorded music that dulls the senses. Let's keep it LIVE. It will give you a reason to LIVE.
The new, secret, special, fun, Easter edition sonofcds are in. The excitement is contagious! It's as if I purchased some kind of Walmart Rabbit-Doll wrapped in a blanket. It's called "Bunny in a Blanket" instead of the less inspiring "kosher pigs in a schmatta." The blanket reads "Hey Meester, It's Easter!" "Bunny in a Blanket" is already a huge hit in Northern Alabama and has received strong consumer reviews in suburban Topeka.
My point is pretty obvious. Hypothetically, let's say you run into me at Rite Aid. You're in the process of checking out and purchasing the aforementioned "Bunny in a Blanket." You appear exuberant as your nipples protrude through your Wheeling Feeling Chili Cook-Off t-shirt. Again, my point. You're so excited about the neo-rabbit shit that you fail to inquire about my new compilation cds. Not cool. Here's what you'd be missing out on.
Sonofsynthetic. Sounds like a synthesizer inspired compilation which would denote mid 80's. But I tried to delve into the 70's and 90's as well. In any event, I picked out some of my favorites that were a little off the beaten path. As always, If you like any of the selections, just ask me for the entire concert.
I always liked the Ice Cube/Lil' Kim "You Can Do It, Put Your Ass Into It" song. This one's from some kind of MTV Hip-Hop Festival in Stuttgart, Germany (2008).
Good Beastie Boys bootlegs are difficult to come by. "Super Disco Breakin" was snagged from a 2007 show in Salzburg, Austria.
This version of David Bowie's "Fashion" comes from his 1997 Madison Square Garden 50th birthday show. It is hands down one of the best live bootlegs I own. He has all kinds of guest appearances (Foo Fighters, Lou Reed, The Cure, etc.). This show is sick. Whoever mixed this concert - let's just say he/she knew what the hell they were doing.
"Radio Ga Ga" is my favorite Queen song. Everyone remembers the version from Live Aid - easily the highlight of the entire 1985 concert. I got this one from the "Rock in Rio" Festival. Same year, different continent - Rio de Janiero, Brazil.
I was searching for a live version of Blondie's Rapture but couldn't find anything. "Heart of Glass" is her second set opener at the famed venue The Hammersmith Odeon in London England (1980)
Styx's "Grand Illusion" stands the test of time. They open their Chicago, Illinois concert with it in 1977. In 1977, I was 7.
One my favorite episodes of Miami Vice was the episode where Crockett and Tubbs rescue this young girl from a bunch of rednecks in the Everglades. They played "Girls With Guns" by Tommy Shaw when the guys hit the road. I honor them by occasionally taking it to the streets as well. This one's from a 1985 show in his hometown of Montgomery, Alabama.
"Goodbye Stranger" is from a Supertramp show in 1983. Munich, Germany is the location. Michael Scott does a great parody of this song from an episode of The Office. Of course, he calls it "Goodbye Toby." You might remember some of his other works such as "Beers in Heaven" and "Total Eclipse of the Fart."
I included this Puddle of Mudd studio version of Psycho" because I knew this girl who loved it and she was incredibly psycho. It just seemed to fit.
"Safety Dance" by Men Without Hats is a strong tune. This one's from a 1983 BBC Live Concert. I'm surprised they had enough material to do an entire concert. If anyone can name one of their other songs I'd be surprised. Truly a one-hit wonder. Near the 1:30 minute mark, someone on stage yells "SAF."
There are absolutely zero decent bootlegs from the Yes 90125 tour. I love the song "Leave It" and this is the best I could find. The song itself takes precedence over the weak sound quality.
Hall and Oates came to Wheeling one time. I filled up my parking lot (C-12, across from the Best Western) and then filled up a few others. I'd say it was a profitable evening. This version of "Method of Modern Love" is from a show in Los Angeles (1984).
This might be my all-time favorite heavy synthesizer song. Duran Duran's "Save A Prayer" from Buenos Aires, Argentinia (2005). Argentina barely made it in South America World Cup qualifying, but I have a feeling they'll make it to the final this year. Lots of talent. Watch for them this summer.
One of my favorite Smashing Pumpkins song is the heartfelt "Thirty Three" - this one's from a radio broadcast in 1997 - Vancouver's General Motors Place. I love the Smashing Pumpkins. If only the singer didn't have such a tinny, irritating voice. I met their lead guitarist James Iha at a 1991 Dead show at Soldiers Field, but that's another story.
I chose to close out sonofsynthetic with the venerable Sir Paul McCartney playing "Strawberry Fields" at Knebworth, England in 1990. It segues into a brief "Give Peace A Chance." It makes me wonder if the U.S. will invade and occupy another country. Call me naive but I think we may be done with the "go to war and nation build" phase of the U.S. empire. Then again, perhaps not.
sonofSTFU? That means SHUT THE FUCK UP? This one is a tribute to all those people who post music on facebook and myspace. It reminds me of a quote from one of my favorite philosophers...
"They want to rock but they don't know how" - Steve Narick (1994).
"For Those About To Rock" is my all-time favorite AC/DC song. It's always a closer, so let's make it an opener. This one's from Phoenix, AZ (2000). It's incredibly unlikely that my parents attended this concert. I like the rawness of Brian Johnson's voice. I don't think he'd make the cut on American Idol.
Remember the live video for "Parental Guidance" from Judas Priest's Turbo 1987 tour? I'm glad I lived through the 1980's metal phase. There will never be anything like it.
I had to throw in another Priest tune so I went with the often forgotten metal anthem "Heavy Duty." This one is from the an Albuquerque, New Mexico show in 1984. I never realized Rob Halford was gay. It dawned on me about 10 years later. I was just as naive as the kid in the Steel Phantom movie.
Here's another West coast (Los Angeles) song from 1984. Quiet Riot's "Metal Health" is a bit annoying but I watched "The Wrestler" and I liked his intro music. I wonder if Kevin Dubrow has finally accepted his predisposition toward male-pattern baldness. I hope he has.
Believe it or not, this version of "He Said She Said" is from 2009. It's a Limp Bizkit reunion show at Donington, England.
How about some Marilyn Manson? Way too many killer songs to choose from, but I went with "Use Your Fist, Not Your Mouth." It's from an outdoor festival in Madrid, Spain (2003).
In my mind, there's only one true METAL band and it's Metallica. If you believe that, you're fucking lame. The correct answer is Slayer. In fact, I can hear the distant cries of Ken Dague from Tasmania, "PLAY SOME SLAYER YOU FUCKING PUSSIES!" In his honor, I give you "Silent Scream" from 1992.
Speaking of Ken, he also enjoyed the commentary of Chuck Billy - lead singer of the band Testament. "Get those beers up!" So how about the classic "Into The Pit" from Dynamo Festival (2000).
There is a forgotten metal/thrash band called Vio-Lence. I partied with these guys a couple of times. I assure you - everything they wrote was full throttle. This is probably their most famous song - "Eternal Nightmare."
I never cared much for Anthrax. But I always liked the song "Only." This version is a little soundboardish, but I like the sound of the double-kick bass drum or whatever you musicians call that. This version is from Santiago, Chile in 1998.
Blackie Lawless is still going strong. The WASP frontman is a looking a bit haggard, so here he is in his prime singing "Wanna Be Somebody." 1996 - Tokyo, Japan.
Gotta love Iron Maiden's classic "Run To The Hills" - This version is from Buenos Aires, Argentina from the Somewhere Back on Tour tour. Up the Irons irons.
London, England is the location for this 1984 rendition of "We Rock" by Ronnie James Dio. I can't think of any other rock stars that use their middle names.
Finally, I closed it out with Radiohead's "Creep." I'm not a big fan of this song but I know everyone else likes it and they rarely play it live.
As is always the case, if you like a particular song and want a copy of the entire concert, just gimme a ring. This whole sonofwhatever thing is about promoting LIVE music, not the never-ending refrain of studio versions of Sussudio. Anyone can throw together a mix cd of prerecorded music that dulls the senses. Let's keep it LIVE. It will give you a reason to LIVE.
Thursday, April 01, 2010
Westboro Baptist Church
The WBC is coming to Wheeling, WV. From an atheist Jew perspective, this is truly a festivus miracle. For those unfamiliar with the WBC, these are the mindless freaks from Topeka, Kansas who picket military funerals and stage extremely hateful anti-gay rallies in particularly sensitive locations. They hold signs that say "GOD HATES FAGS" and the typically mentally sophisticated "BURN IN HELL" slogans. These morons have no shame whatsoever and don't give a fuck what anyone thinks of them. Sound familiar?
Well, they've planned 4 separate stops while in Wheeltown on Saturday April 10.
4-4:30 St. Mike's Church (literally my backyard)
5-5:30 St. Alphonsus (downtown)
5:40-6pm St. Joe's (downtown)
and they'll finish off the evening at my old stomping grounds... Wheeling Jesuit! Kewl. The WJU and St. Mike's ones have great potential for a low end system disruption.
So I guess it's come down to this. In the world's greatest ironic scenario of all time - I will come to the defense of WJU and the Catholic church. I read their press release on the godhatesfags.com website. Basically, they're coming here to protest the Catholic church sex scandal. So it'll be the extremist right wing wackos vs. the mainstream right wing wackos. And then you throw me in the mix. Sounds like a strong way to start the party. I love the fact that they're protesting the Catholic church pedophile scandal. Wouldn't it be reasonable to infer that counter-protesters actually support the pedophile priests?
The WBC does fascinate me in a way. They physically test the boundaries of the 1st Amendment. They've been around for several years and regardless of their agenda, they really know how to stir the shit. Well, the protesters are just mindless sheep but their leader (I forget his name) certainly has a disconnected way of promoting his "fags must die" campaign. These are the same fuckheads that picket military funerals with the theory that the U.S. military protects gay American citizens; therefore, they are actively complicit in defending condemned gays (who should die).
This is actually similar logic I used in the faith-healing Benny Hinn protest at Mellon Arena protest. Shame Mellon Corp. for allowing a faith healer to use the municipally funded arena. An attempt to persuade other companies with arena naming rights, to reject future crusades. I think mine was more focused and relevant. Theirs is a bit more specious and circular.
Well, here's the deal. I'm hitting up all 4 locations. I think the St. Mike's and Wheeling Jesuit closer have the greatest potential. I can't wait to see the reaction of the beltway college kids. Have you ever felt the collective wrath and venom of a bunch of religious right wing kids from the Washington DC loop? Honestly, they're not the most creatively inspired group so I imagine they'll just boo and heckle. Maybe dump cheap beer on one of them.
I might make signs condemning both sides in an attempt to encourage a three-way systemic disruption. Theoretically, is it possible to get both sides to unite and focus all their rage at me. I'd take it like a 6 yr. old altar boy. Seriously though, am I allowed to protest both sides? I think I'll go with the more obvious target though. Members of the Westboro Baptist Church - sonofsaf welcomes you to the true bible belt. I doubt you'll be enjoy your visit to the friendly city.
I just thought of a funny sign. The Wheeling Feeling could be a cloaked reference to pedophile priestly fondling. You could do a Wheeling "Feeling/Fondling" hidden lift up. Just like the Trent Dilfer #8/Trent Dildo 8". Sounds about right. I'm stopping by Jesuit today to see what they've got planned in the realm of counter-protests. Would the role model Jesuit kids have the balls and ovaries to stage a super-soaker attack? How cool would that be?
Let's get on this. I might have a party later that night.
Well, they've planned 4 separate stops while in Wheeltown on Saturday April 10.
4-4:30 St. Mike's Church (literally my backyard)
5-5:30 St. Alphonsus (downtown)
5:40-6pm St. Joe's (downtown)
and they'll finish off the evening at my old stomping grounds... Wheeling Jesuit! Kewl. The WJU and St. Mike's ones have great potential for a low end system disruption.
So I guess it's come down to this. In the world's greatest ironic scenario of all time - I will come to the defense of WJU and the Catholic church. I read their press release on the godhatesfags.com website. Basically, they're coming here to protest the Catholic church sex scandal. So it'll be the extremist right wing wackos vs. the mainstream right wing wackos. And then you throw me in the mix. Sounds like a strong way to start the party. I love the fact that they're protesting the Catholic church pedophile scandal. Wouldn't it be reasonable to infer that counter-protesters actually support the pedophile priests?
The WBC does fascinate me in a way. They physically test the boundaries of the 1st Amendment. They've been around for several years and regardless of their agenda, they really know how to stir the shit. Well, the protesters are just mindless sheep but their leader (I forget his name) certainly has a disconnected way of promoting his "fags must die" campaign. These are the same fuckheads that picket military funerals with the theory that the U.S. military protects gay American citizens; therefore, they are actively complicit in defending condemned gays (who should die).
This is actually similar logic I used in the faith-healing Benny Hinn protest at Mellon Arena protest. Shame Mellon Corp. for allowing a faith healer to use the municipally funded arena. An attempt to persuade other companies with arena naming rights, to reject future crusades. I think mine was more focused and relevant. Theirs is a bit more specious and circular.
Well, here's the deal. I'm hitting up all 4 locations. I think the St. Mike's and Wheeling Jesuit closer have the greatest potential. I can't wait to see the reaction of the beltway college kids. Have you ever felt the collective wrath and venom of a bunch of religious right wing kids from the Washington DC loop? Honestly, they're not the most creatively inspired group so I imagine they'll just boo and heckle. Maybe dump cheap beer on one of them.
I might make signs condemning both sides in an attempt to encourage a three-way systemic disruption. Theoretically, is it possible to get both sides to unite and focus all their rage at me. I'd take it like a 6 yr. old altar boy. Seriously though, am I allowed to protest both sides? I think I'll go with the more obvious target though. Members of the Westboro Baptist Church - sonofsaf welcomes you to the true bible belt. I doubt you'll be enjoy your visit to the friendly city.
I just thought of a funny sign. The Wheeling Feeling could be a cloaked reference to pedophile priestly fondling. You could do a Wheeling "Feeling/Fondling" hidden lift up. Just like the Trent Dilfer #8/Trent Dildo 8". Sounds about right. I'm stopping by Jesuit today to see what they've got planned in the realm of counter-protests. Would the role model Jesuit kids have the balls and ovaries to stage a super-soaker attack? How cool would that be?
Let's get on this. I might have a party later that night.
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