#71. Slime After Slime

Dedicated to my wife Gigi.  She refuses to eat anything from McDonald's.  Always reiterating the claim... "it goes right through me."  

Of course, who can forget the "pink slime" marketing disaster of 2014?  About once a year, I'll zip through the drive thru and snag a large fry.  But that's the extent of my relationship with the #1 fast food purveyor of McCrap.

Ronald McDonald just doesn't do it for me.  The overtly ginger disposition, the erratic buffoonery, the clownish makeup... reminds me of Trump.  However, I do like the conceptual presence of a Hamburglar.  Outfitted in prison garb.  Willing to risk imprisonment.  Lurking around every corner desperately trying to secure a circular patty of synthetic ground beef.  Some refer to him as "The Hamburglar."  But I prefer just... Hamburglar.  Puts him in that same iconic category with Cher, Madonna, etc.

Gigi and I hit up the Rod Stewart concert at PPG Paints Arena in 2018.  Cyndi Lauper opened.  Despite her minimal 5'3" stature and ongoing plaque psoriasis condition, she belted out a pretty impressive performance.  Very animated and a terrific conversationalist.  It's the only time I've seen her live in concert.  

Setlist:

I Drove All Night
She Bop
All Through The Night (Jules Shear cover)
Hope
The Goonies ‘R Good Enough
Money Changes Everything (The Brains cover)
Shine
Alone In The Harbor
Time After Time
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
Not My Father’s Son
True Colors

Never cared much for the "Time After Time" ballad.  However, "Money Changes Everything" is a different story entirely.  Can't believe I never knew it was a cover.  Regardless, here she is in peak form.  Houston, TX (1984) - The Summit.  Gotta love the high wire journey in the garbage can.  Not to mention the freak-out finale.

Great stuff.  But in the meantime, you'll have to settle for my poignant parody of Time after Time.

Slime After Slime
sonofsaf

Starving I need fed, I’m near the fast food dollar menu
Shapes of fake poultry
McNuggets all here for you
Big Macs, large bites
And I’ll have some fries
Disgrace of celery
Slime after

Sometimes it goes through me
You’re shitting, you shat the bed
You're crapping on me, we scat here
Break some bread
Then you say, “latte”
I want Diet Sprite
The cappuccino dies

McDouble, McChicken, and the fish with cheese
Slime after slime
McMuffin, McGriddle, nauseating
Slime after slime
McDouble, McChicken, and the fish with cheese
Slime after slime
McMuffin, McGriddle, so nauseating
Slime after slime

Into the drive thru I order a hot
Fudge sundae
Frothing McFlurry
You're coloring blackish today
Swollen colon you’re grilled and fried (grilled and fried)
And your bum is out of line

McDouble, McChicken, and the fish with cheese
Slime after slime
McMuffin, McGriddle, nauseating
Slime after slime
McDouble, McChicken, and the fish with cheese
Slime after slime
McMuffin, McGriddle, so nauseating
Slime after slime
Slime after slime

I’m gonna embrace the celery as I go out of my mind
Slime after slime
Slime, slime, slime
But you pay for latte I want Diet Sprite
Slime after slime after slime (after slime, oh)

Time after Time
Cyndi Lauper

Lying in my bed, I hear the clock tick and think of you
Caught up in circles
Confusion is nothing new
Flashback, warm nights
Almost left behind
Suitcase of memories
Time after

Sometimes you picture me
I'm walking too far ahead
You're calling to me, I can't hear
What you've said
Then you say, "go slow"
And I fall behind
The second hand unwinds

If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall, I will catch you, I'll be waiting
Time after time
If you're lost, you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall, I will catch you, I will be waiting
Time after time

After my picture fades and darkness has
Turned to gray
Watching through windows
You're wondering if I'm okay
Secrets stolen from deep inside (deep inside)
And the drum beats out of time

If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you, I'll be waiting
Time after time
If you're lost, you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall, I will catch you, I will be waiting
Time after time
Time after time

I've got a suitcase of memories that I almost left behind
Time after time
Time, time, time
But you say to go slow but I fall behind
Time after time after time (after time, oh)

 

 

Cyndi Lauper concert:

8-11-18, PPG Paints Arena, Pittsburgh, PA 

Please do not share this material with McDonald's employees and management,  Cyndi Lauper, Ronald McDonald, and/or Hamburglar.

#70. Knockin' On Kevin's Door

At this point, you really gotta question House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy's political acumen.  Post-insurrection and with the second impeachment trial proceeding, he still seems starstruck by Trump.  Even though the permanent Clown-in-Chief's political capital is on a decline comparable to Gamestop.  Maybe it's the spiffy yellow tie.  I really can't speak for him.  Imagine the prospect of flying down South... the sole purpose being to kiss the ass of an Orange Prolapse.  

Well, at least the background is neither gaudy nor pretentious.  E-gad.  What a fucking warped photo-op.

Dedicated to all the Republican House members who literally find themselves "knockin' on Kevin's door."  May you have success comparable to that of a Jehovah's Witness.

Knockin’ on Kevin’s Door
sonofsaf

Donald do you need to tweet
My constituents are sore
The politics got worse for me
Feels like you’re knockin' on Kevin’s door

Knock-knock-knockin' on Kevin’s door
Knock-knock-knockin' on Kevin’s door
Knock-knock-knockin' on Kevin’s door
Knock-knock-knockin' on Kevin’s door, eh yeah

Donald shit himself by the pound
Melania was a whore
That orange fat fuck is back in town
Feels like you’re knockin' on Kevin’s door

Knock-knock-knockin' on Kevin’s door
Knock-knock-knockin' on Kevin’s door
Knock-knock-knockin' on Kevin’s door
Knock-knock-knockin' on Kevin’s door

Knock-knock-knockin' on Kevin’s door
Knock-knock-knockin' on Kevin’s door
Knock-knock-knockin' on Kevin’s door
Knock-knock-knockin' on Kevin’s door
Knock-knock-knockin' on Kevin’s door
Knock-knock-knockin' on Kevin’s door

Knock-knock-knockin' on Kevin’s door
Knock-knock-knockin' on Kevin’s door
Knock-knock-knockin' on Kevin’s door
Knock-knock-knockin' on Kevin’s door
Knock-knock-knockin' on Kevin’s door
Knock-knock-knockin' on Kevin’s door, wow oh yeah  

 

Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door
Bob Dylan

Mama take this badge from me
I can't use it anymore
It's getting dark too dark to see
Feels like I'm knockin' on heaven's door

Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door
Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door
Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door
Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door, eh yeah

Mama put my guns in the ground
I can't shoot them anymore
That cold black cloud is comin' down
Feels like I'm knockin' on heaven's door

Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door
Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door
Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door
Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door

Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door
Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door
Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door
Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door
Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door
Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door

Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door
Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door
Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door
Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door
Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door
Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door, wow oh yeah

Bob Dylan Concerts:

7-18-99, Star Lake Ampitheater, Burgettstown, PA (w/ Paul Simon)

11-5-99, Civic Arena, Pittsburgh, PA (w/ Phil Lesh)

8-6-03, Germain Amphitheater, Columbus, OH (w/ The Dead)

8-20-06, Falconi Field, Washington, PA (no ticket - returning from a concert at Hartwood Acres.  Me, Stollar, Jenn B. and this mentally deranged guy who kept repeating the motorcycle term "sissy bar" brazenly sneaked inside the venue and caught the last few songs.)

Please do not share this information with House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy (Q-CA), former President Donald J. Trump, and/or Bob Dylan.

#69. Kevin and Hell

Exactly what do think Kevin McCarthy (Q-CA) and the Orange Prolapse are pointing at?

A.  Melania's exposed beaver region

B.  A confederate flag

C.  Stormy Daniels-is-zz cleavage

D.  Minority children in cages

E.  All of the above

Obviously the answer is "E."  Hey, a helluva lotta shit went down during the last 4 years.  And I'm not talkin' about good dip.  I'm talkin' bad shit.

Dedicated to anyone who takes a fire and brimstone approach to hell.  Particularly the notion of a mischievous, bright red, porky pig-devil, poking sinners in the tuchi (plural of tuchus) with a pitchfork. 

 

Kevin and Hell
sonofsaf

Suck on his dong, you’re a sucker
It’s not that long, unlike Evil Kneivel
The Donald is never a faker
The pastries forgive, he's a baker
So it’s Comicon and con, it's Kevin and hell
Oh well

The bile of life comes from liver
Depends undergarments the winner
The grocer will sell you the greening
The spooner will cum when he’s creaming
Port-A-Jon and Jon and Jon, oh it's Port-A-Jon and Jon
It goes Port-A-Jon and Jon, Kevin and Hell
It’s not swell
Cruel, cruel

Oh uh
Yeah, yeah, yeah

The Russia hoax was not real, no collusion
For every ache of his tooth, he goes under the knife
Blood will be shed for the answer, and Marjorie Greene is a cancer
You’re a pawn and pawn, pawn and pawn and pawn and pawn and pawn and pawn and pawn

They say his ass it really smells
Gas steadfast, ring the liberty bell
The world is full of Q-Anon schemes
They all tell lies of laser beams
It's Kevin and hell, oh well

They say his ballsack is very tight
A prune will make you shit alright
He went to school at slip’n’falls
And now they say he lost his balls
It's Kevin and hell, oh no

Cruel, cruel
He’s got testicular cancer
Cruel, cruel
Exotic dancer
Drool, drool, drool

Heaven and Hell
Black Sabbath

Sing me a song, you're a singer
Do me a wrong, you're a bringer of evil
The devil is never a maker
The less that you give, you're a taker
So it's on and on and on, it's heaven and hell
Oh well

The lover of life's not a sinner
The ending is just a beginner
The closer you get to the meaning
The sooner you'll know that you're dreaming
So it's on and on and on, oh it's on and on and on
It goes on and on and on, Heaven and Hell
I can tell
Fool, fool

Oh uh
Yeah, yeah, yeah

Well if it seems to be real, it's illusion
For every moment of truth, there's confusion in life
Love can be seen as the answer, but nobody bleeds for the dancer
And it's on and on, on and on and on and on and on and on and on

They say that life's a carousel
Spinning fast, you've got to ride it well
The world is full of kings and queens
Who blind your eyes and steal your dreams
It's heaven and hell, oh well

And they'll tell you black is really white
The moon is just the sun at night
And when you walk in golden halls
You get to keep the gold that falls
It's heaven and hell, oh no

Fool, fool
You've got to bleed for the dancer
Fool, fool
Look for the answer
Fool, fool, fool 

Ronnie James Dio Concerts:

6-15-02, Post-Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA

8-8-03, Post-Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA

Black Sabbath Concert:

8-28-04, Post-Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA (OzzFest)

Please do not share this information with House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy (Q-CA), former President Donald Trump, former First Lady Melania Trump, Stormy Daniels, those who proudly fly the Confederate flag, caged children, and/or Sabbath (but not the Holy ones) and Dio fans.

#68. Covid Rules

The end of 2020 was overshadowed by the unfortunate death of RBG (Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg).  

But a decade prior in 2010, we lost the world's heavy metal equivalent... RJD (Ronnie James Dio).

I lack the technical ability to photoshop the late Ruth Bader Ginsburg flashing the devil horns.  But if anyone wants to give it a shot, you have my total and complete endorsement.

Covid Rules
sonofsaf

Choose the vaccine and use the needle
Astra Zeneca for all
Johnson and Johnson pushing onward
Injection sites heed the call, oh

The virus today
Is not going away
If you open the schools
Covid rules
Covid rules

Use the test kits and be reminded
Mask up there’s no reason to shame
Don’t inquire, if the pain lingers
Donald J. Trump is to blame, oh

Holdovers, you’re done
So take out your gun
If you open the schools
Covid rules

The virus today
Is not going away
If you open the schools

Don’t be hurtful and bowel the movement
The pachyderm is Southbound
If dismembered you can’t go bowling
UFC night ground and pound

Vaccine fools
Covid rules
Covid rules

The Mob Rules
Ronnie James Dio

Close the city and tell the people
That something's coming to call
Death and darkness are rushing forward
To take a bite from the wall, oh

You've nothing to say
'Cause they're breaking away
If you listen to fools
The mob rules
The mob rules

Break the spirit and you'll be blinded
And the end is always the same
Play with fire, you burn your fingers
And lose your hold of the flame, oh

It's over, it's done
The end has begun
If you listen to fools
The mob rules

You've nothing to say
They are breaking away
If you listen to fools

Break the circle and stop the movement
The wheel is thrown to the ground
Just remember it might start rolling
And take you right back around

You're all fools
The mob rules
The mob rules

Ronnie James Dio concerts:

6-15-02, Post-Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA (w/ Motorhead and Iron Maiden)

8-8-03, Post-Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA (w/ Scorpions and Deep Purple)

Please do not share this material with the families of RJD, RBG, and/or anyone affiliated with Black Sabbath.

#67. Whining Barr

Here's a bombshell for ya!  I have 100% evidence of an illicit, homosexual affair between former Attorney General William Barr and the Orange Prolapse.  This is not some sick attempt at humor.  My sources uncovered a hastily scribbled attempt at a "lovers' quarrel parody song" written by ex-President Donald Trump.

Just when you think you've seen it all.

Normally, I would utilize real-world photos of the individuals.  But these caricatures should suffice.

A certain level of discretion is in order.  I mean, this material is definitely slanderous, incredibly scandalous, and assuredly libelous.  And I don't want Trump to sick his weekly legal team on me.  After all, they have a trial to prepare for.  Rumor has it that Trump's considering employing the services of none other than Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA).  After all, the woman likes to argue and has lately been lookin' to pick a fight.  Right?  Also, she hails from the impeachment state.  Sounds like a match made in heaven.

Dedicated to the flabulous gocks of Trump and Barr.  They're real... and they're spectacular (the flabulous gocks that is).

Whining Barr
sonofsaf

AG you are a whining Barr
Please just go away, oh baby
I’ll pacify you both near and far
That binky will stay, oh baby

The Donald has lied, lied his mind
He lied all of the time, oh baby
Won’t you biggie size my Big Mac and fries (free)
McDonald’s me one more time, oh baby

Money, his personal attorney
All allegiance to my homey, to my homey
To my homey

AG you are a whining Barr
AG you are a whining Barr
I’ll pacify you both near and far
That binky will stay, oh baby

If we could just keep lying here with one another
Cost of love, oh baby
Funny when we fuck, ridin’ double dutch
You're all I ever creamed on, oh baby

Money, his personal attorney
All allegiance to my homey, to my homey
To my homey

AG you are a whining Barr, please just go away

 

Shining Star
Jerry Garcia

Honey you are my shining star
Don’t you go away
I wanna be right here where you are
Till my dying day, oh baby

So many have tried, tried to find
A love like yours and mine, oh baby
Don't you realize how you hypnotize me
Make me love you more each time, oh baby

Honey, I'll never leave you lonely
I'll give my love to you only, to you only
To you only

Honey you are my shining star
Honey you are my shining star
I wanna be right here where you are
Till my dying day, oh baby

Feel so good when we're lying here next to each other
Lost in love, oh baby
Honey when we touch, I love you so much
You're all I ever dreamed of, oh baby

Honey, I'll never leave you lonely
I'll give my love to you only, to you only
To you only

Honey you are my shining star, don't you go away

One of my biggest concert fails was skipping out on a spontaneous trip to see the Jerry Garcia Band at the Buffalo Memorial Auditorium (11-5-93).  Jerry opened the second set with Shining Star.  Hence, I never saw a solo Jerry show.  Plenty of Dead shows though.

Grateful Dead concerts:

04-08-89, Riverfront Coliseum, Cincinnati, OH
10-22-89, Charlotte Coliseum, Charlotte, NC
07-08-90, Three Rivers Stadium, Pittsburgh, PA
09-07-90, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
09-08-90, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
03-18-91, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
03-20-91, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
03-21-91, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
06-09-91, Buckeye Lake Music Center, Hebron, OH
06-14-91, RFK Stadium, Washington, D.C.
06-22-91, Soldier Field, Chicago, IL (all-time favorite concert)
06-24-91, Sandstone Amphitheater, Bonner Springs, KS
09-04-91, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
09-05-91, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
09-06-91, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
06-06-92, Rich Stadium, Orchard Park, NY
06-08-92, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
06-09-92, Richifeld Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
06-11-92, Knickerbocker Arena, Albany, NY
06-12-92, Knickerbocker Arena, Albany, NY
06-14-92, Giants Stadium, East Rutherford, NJ
06-15-92, Giants Stadium, East Rutherford, NJ
06-17-92, Charlotte Coliseum, Charlotte, NC
06-18-92, Charlotte Coliseum, Charlotte, NC
06-20-92, RFK Stadium, Washington, D.C.
06-22-92, Star Lake Amphiteater, Burgettstown, PA
06-23-92, Star Lake Amphiteater, Burgettstown, PA
06-25-92, Soldier Field, Chicago, IL
06-26-92, Soldier Field, Chicago, IL
07-01-92, Buckeye Lake Music Center, Hebron, OH
03-14-93, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
03-17-93, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
03-18-93, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
06-11-93, Buckeye Lake Music Center, Hebron, OH
06-18-93, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
06-21-93, Deer Creek Music Center, Noblesville, IN
06-22-93, Deer Creek Music Center, Noblesville, IN
09-09-93, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
09-10-93, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
03-20-94, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
03-21-94, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
07-29-94, Buckeye Lake Music Center, Hebron, OH
03-17-95, The Spectrum, Philadelphia, PA
06-30-95, Three Rivers Stadium, Pittsburgh, PA
07-02-95, Deer Creek Music Center, Noblesville, IN (no ticket - gatecrasher)

Please do not share this information with former Attorney General William Barr, ex-President Donald J. Trump, Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene, (R-GA), surviving members of the Grateful Dead, and/or Deadheads.

#66. Wood

Georgia Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger just launched an investigation into Orange Prolapse attorney Lin Wood.

So Wood released this fucked up statement about how he's "currently domiciled" in the state of Georgia.

Hey now, feel free to call me some kinda weirdo dumbshit hillbilly atheist kosher Jew hamhock currently living in Pennsylvania... but at least I know where I reside.  And where I vote.  And I don't stroll around claiming how I'm "presently domiciled in the Burgh."

So here's what I think is probably goin' on.  Wood always votes in South Carolina.  Why?   Because it's his primary residence.  And that's where you're supposed to cast a ballot.  The place where you predominantly reside.  Where you work, where you sleep, where you piss, where you shit, where you raise a family, etc.  But this litigious asswipe Linn has multiple homes in different states.  So he's probably thinking to himself... oh well, South Carolina is guaranteed Trump country.  So I'll just cast a ballot from my Georgia home.  Where he knows it's a tossup.

Makes sense right?

So here's my hunch.  Wood was obviously registered to vote in both states simultaneously.  Perhaps others.  I do not know.  But if that's the case, it obviously violates the entire spirit of the election.  Hmm, I'll buy a bunch of different homes in all of these different states.  And I'll register in all of 'em and vote wherever I want!  Because MY vote is more important than the vote of the peons, the pissants, the putrid, and so on and so forth.     

Fuck Linn.  FUCK HIM!

Dedicated to Georgia Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger.   

"Would" is easily one of the best power songs of the 90's.  So let's go with this acoustic version.

Wood
sonofsaf

Blow me token Trumpy lawyer
Rally so wild, blood thereafter

The voter fraud pretend
Just a quip from citizen
Georgia’s where I live and fake
Try to vote from out of state

Acting naughty, it’s pure commotion
Trying, coat hanger abortion

The voter fraud pretend
Just a quip from citizen
Georgia’s where I live and fake
Try to vote from out of state

The voter fraud pretend
Just a quip from citizen
Georgia’s where I live and fake
Try to vote from out of state

Play along
Did I vote too far from home?
I’m a pawn
Georgia I bemoan

Play along
Did I vote too far from home?
I’m a pawn
Georgia I disown

I am Wood, fuck you!

Alice in Chains:

7-21-93, Star Lake Amphitheater, Burgettstown, PA

Incidentally, the cruelest joke in the entire history of Pittsburgh heavy metal likely happened on August 17, 2019.  Korn and Alice in Chains played at Star Lake... while Maiden played at the arena.  Obviously we chose the latter.  But seriously, how fucked up was that?

Please do not share this information with Republican Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger, Trump attorney Lin Wood,  former President Donald J. Trump, South Carolina voters, Georgia voters, and/or fans of Alice in Chains.

#65. Maxine

 

Is it any wonder the Orange Prolapse hates Representative Maxine Waters (D-CA)?

Hmm, looks like Trump got it ass backwards.  As in totally wrong.  As in dead wrong.

Maxine was on Joy Reid last night.  She said Trump should "absolutely should be charged with premeditated murder because of the lives that were lost with this invasion, with this insurrection."  Premeditated murder, eh?  Admittedly that's a stretch.  But I wouldn't mind seeing how it played out. 

As for me, I'm mentally preparing myself to hear a singular, constant refrain for the next month or two... "Shouting FIRE in a crowded theater is NOT a form of constitutionally protected freedom of speech."  

If any of the impeachment managers are looking for unique and creative ways to express this particular sentiment, hit me up.  I've spent the last decade saying that shit ad nauseum.  Normally, I'd just refer you to the AGSAF (Artificially Generated Stampede Awareness Foundation) website.  But it's currently offline.

Dedicated to all the impeachment managers.  I think the one hit wonder Shalamar sums it up best... "Second Time Around" (extended version).  Great song and a clever snippet for a Morning Joe cutaway.     

Maxine
sonofsaf

Maxine
You don't have to curse at the far right
Congress turns over
You don't have to be so haughty all your might

Maxine
You needn’t dress head to toe in white
Women’s suffrage funny
Is it worth it always pickin’ a fight

Maxine
You don't have to curse at the far right
Maxine
You don't have to curse at the far right

Maxine (curse at the far right)
Maxine (curse at the far right)
Maxine (curse at the far right)
Maxine (curse at the far right)
Maxine (curse at the far right)

Waters is out for red blood
They look like Elmer J. Fudd
She has to to show them how to kill
There’s no way she’s gonna be so coy

She knows the House is fucked up
It’s time to bring a shake up
The Republicans are all has beens
They cannot stay

Maxine
You don't have to curse at the far right
Maxine
You don't have to curse at the far right
Maxine (You don't have to curse at the far right)
Maxine (curse at the far right)
Maxine (curse at the far right)
Maxine (curse at the far right)
Maxine (curse at the far right)
Maxine (curse at the far right)
Maxine (curse at the far right)
Maxine (curse at the far right)
Maxine (curse at the far right)
Maxine (curse at the far right)
Maxine (You don't have to curse at the far right)
Maxine (curse at the far right)
Maxine (curse at the far right)
Maxine (curse at the far right)
Maxine (curse at the far right)

Roxanne
The Police

Roxanne
You don't have to put on the red light
Those days are over
You don't have to sell your body to the night

Roxanne
You don't have to wear that dress tonight
Walk the streets for money
You don't care if it's wrong or if it's right

Roxanne
You don't have to put on the red light
Roxanne
You don't have to put on the red light

Roxanne (Put on the red light)
Roxanne (Put on the red light)
Roxanne (Put on the red light)
Roxanne (Put on the red light)
Roxanne (Put on the red light)
I loved you since I knew you

I wouldn't talk down to you
I have to tell you just how I feel
I won't share you with another boy

I know my mind is made up
So put away your make up
Told you once I won't tell you again
It's a bad way

Roxanne
You don't have to put on the red light
Roxanne
You don't have to put on the red light
Roxanne (You don't have to put on the red light)
Roxanne (Put on the red light)
Roxanne (Put on the red light)
Roxanne (Put on the red light)
Roxanne (Put on the red light)
Roxanne (Put on the red light)
Roxanne (Put on the red light)
Roxanne (Put on the red light)
Roxanne (Put on the red light)
Roxanne (Put on the red light)
Roxanne (You don't have to put on the red light)
Roxanne (Put on the red light)
Roxanne (Put on the red light)
Roxanne (Put on the red light)
Roxanne (Put on the red light)

 

(Do not fuck) The Police (concert):

7-28-08, Post-Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA

Sting concerts:

6-11-93, Buckeye Lake Music Center, Hebron, OH (opened for the Grateful Dead)

7-9-00, Post-Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA

7-10-04, Post-Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA

Please do not share this information with Congresswoman Maxine Waters (D-CA), former President Donald J. Trump, MSNBC's Joy Reid, Shalamar junkies, fans of The Police, and/or Sting.

#64. The Q

When it comes to internet propaganda,  I remember the good 'ol days.  The curiosity and intrigue.  The sophisticated story lines.  The emotional calls to action.

Nowadays nobody even tries.  Hey, why bother?  You just take the most prominent politician or celebrity and demonize accordingly.  So and so's a satanic cannibal.  He/she is a pedophile.  And, oh yeah, they drink the blood of children.  Weapons from outer space, paid for by the Jews, fired laser beams that started the California wildfires.  The radical Democrats have atmospheric weather weapons that create every hurricane, every snow storm, every tornado, every flood... since, oh I don't know, sometime in 2015.  All the police brutality videos are deep fakes created in Hollywood.  They're designed to enrage the left, so Antifa and BLM will take to the streets and loot and riot. The caravans coming from Central America are infiltrated by Al Qaeda.  And on it goes.  And goes. 

My point.  Internet propaganda used to be more of an art form.  It was designed to stimulate the brain and make people think.  But these days, it's just regurgitated nonsense in the form of email barrages and texting, spam and memes.  The entire objective is to simply bombard human beings into submission.  Just turn everyone into scrolling zombies.  Idiocracy.

Over the last 5 years, our country somehow managed to summon the most perfectly-suited individual to perpetuate this narrative.  May I present the Orange Prolapse... in the form of The Q.  

Hint: it's all the same

Dedicated to the Q faithful. 

 

The Q
sonofsaf

Riots are fun but have no doubt
Incitement is the way
But Trump left town and took a bow
South Florida’s where he’ll play

My flag unfurled, it’s Trumped to thrill
And even though some boo
The lost and found to get my fill
The shit we buy from Q

We know he’s right, the fire crime
Laser beams from Jews
Just don’t ask why when people die
His name we call the Q

We know he’s right, the fire crime
Laser beams from Jews
Just don’t ask why when people die
His name we call the Q

Enjoy the Q
Do not frown some new friends to meet
You’re gonna see most are not Jews
The Go-Go’s got the beat

We know he’s right, the fire crime
Laser beams from Jews
Just don’t ask why when people die
His name we call the Q

We know he’s right, the fire crime
Laser beams from Jews
Just don’t ask why when people die
His name we call the Q

 

The Zoo
Scorpions

The job is done and I go out
Another boring day
I leave it all behind me now
So many worlds away

I meet my girl, she's dressed to kill
And all we gonna do
Is walk around to catch the thrill
On streets we call the zoo

We eat the night, we drink the time
Make our dreams come true
And hungry eyes are passing by
On streets we call the zoo

We eat the night, we drink the time
Make our dreams come true
And hungry eyes are passing by
On streets we call the zoo

Enjoy the zoo
And walk down 42nd Street
You wanna be excited too
And you will feel the heat

We eat the night, we drink the time
Make our dreams come true
And hungry eyes are passing by
On streets we call the zoo

We eat the night, we drink the time
Make our dreams come true
And hungry eyes are passing by
On streets we call the zoo

One of my favorite live recordings of the 1980's --- World Wide Live.  Something about the notion of it being the first ever major release on a "metal chromium dioxide" cassette tape.  Many intriguing teenage discussions about the pros and cons of that particular format.

Scorpions concerts:

9-21-88, Hara Arena, Dayton, OH

6-15-88, Three Rivers Stadium, Pittsburgh, PA (Monsters of Rock)

6-23-88, Rubber Bowl, Akron, OH (Monsters of Rock)

6-15-02, Post-Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA (w/ Deep Purple... very unusual combo)

Please do not share this information with Q adherents & followers, insurrectionists, domestic terrorists, former President Donald J. Trump, and/or Scorpions fans. 

 

#63. Jeff Bezos

Jeff Bezos is steeping down as Amazon CEO to spend more time with his money.  Poor guy.  Hey, if you got 186 billion dollars, I really can't blame ya.  Maybe it's time to hang it up.  After all, enough is enough!  Right?  

Financially speaking, the mega-billionaires generally outperformed during the pandemic.  Now that just might be the understatement of the century.  Or at least the past 21 years.  Go figure.  Here's a pic of Bezos shaking the hand of the Orange Prolapse.  That's about as close as he'll git.  Sick!  Bad!  Horrible!  Orange prolapse emoticon.

 

Dedicated to the second wealthiest person on the planet earth.  So with his permission or reluctantly tacit approval, I'd like to start a Jeff Bezos fan club.  Hey now, I honestly think the guy could use a helpin' hand.  How about a little emotional support? Aye?!

It has been rumored that the "double helix" design for the new corporate headquarters just outside D.C. was grounded in the vision of his gay lover and him taking turns with an enormous, spiral glass dildo.

  

 

Jeff Bezos
sonofsaf

His bank account ain’t hollow
Amazon, CEO
Jeff Bezos
Has a home in Sao Paulo
Surrounded by a moat
It just sold
Oh, more money for me
Jeff Bezos

And I humanize divine
Indeed a God am I
And I humanize divine
Indeed a God am I

They say I hang with perverts
Take pills instead of dope
I swallow
My gifts cause a commotion
Charities to be won
It’s all for fun
The call me bald and thin
It’s not all fun

And I humanize divine
Indeed a God am I
And I humanize divine
Indeed a God am I

Venom spews all around me
Words to sift in escrow
I’m Jeff Bezos
And sift the thoughts about me
Jeff Bezos

 

No One Knows
Queens of the Stone Age

We get some rules to follow
That and this, these and those
No one knows
We get these pills to swallow
How they stick in your throat?
Tastes like gold
Oh, what you do to me
No one knows

And I realize you're mine
Indeed a fool am I
And I realize you're mine
Indeed a fool am I

I journey through the desert
Of the mind with no hope
I follow
I drift along the ocean
Dead lifeboats in the sun
And come undone
Pleasantly caving in
I come undone

And I realize you're mine
Indeed a fool am I
And I realize you're mine
Indeed a fool am I

Heaven smiles above me
What a gift here below
But no one knows
The gift that you give to me
No one knows

Queens Of The Stone Age concerts:

7-19-03, Post-Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA (Lollapalooza)

9-14-13, Stage AE, Pittsburgh, PA

9-13-17, Stage AE, Pittsburgh, PA

Please do not share this information with former Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos, former President Donald J. Trump, fans of QOTSA, and/or multi-billionaires.

#62. Chad Wheeler

Speaking of domestic violence (Call Tyreek... Call!), here's another NFL superstar arrested over the weekend.  Offensive Tackle Chad Wheeler of the Seattle Seahawks.  

The Seahawks just decided to let him go.  Hey, maybe he could find employment with the Buick Skyhawks.  During the 1980's my mother drove a Buick Skylark and then bought a Buick Skyhawk.  Both vehicles had one thing in common.  They both sucked.  More breakdowns than the late Tom Petty.  This one time she was getting it inspected at the downtown Wheeling Welty dealership and they replaced a burnt out front headlight.  But the bozos installed the light upside down.  So the front right side beamed into the heavens, not onto the pavement. 

Anyway, just yesterday, he pleaded not guilty to criminal charges of first-degree domestic violence, felony assault and resisting arrest.  Cops deployed a taser but it seemingly had no effect.  With a bond set at 400K, it sounds more like attempted murder.  Suffice it to say, he beat the living shit out of her.

Dedicated to victims of domestic violence. 

Chad Wheeler
sonofsaf

I prey upon domestic fear
I’ll drop you to your knees
You won’t get help from police
Reconstructive surgery
I won’t get caught, you have no will
Never felony
My fists of fury always bombard
Your pussy cat gonna bleed

I'm Chad Wheeler
I will kill you make you die
I'm Chad Wheeler

The Killing Fields not denied
I’ll make you cry and whine
You must be frustrated
I beat you all the time
I wake you up so you cannot rest
Just give me all your love
Fuck you up and break shit
And you will never say Whazzzup

I'm Chad Wheeler
I will kill you make you die
I’m Chad Wheeler

Justice I will circumvent
Will never have a fear
Clenched fists not my pathetic guns
While I fuck you in the rear

Your life is fucking wretched
The agony and strife
I’m your Satanic Verses
Fatwa you will die
Chlamydia infected
I spread diseases make the call
You’ll never sing or dance again
Your misery is all

I'm Chad Wheeler
I will kill you make you die
I'm Chad Wheeler

Fake Healer
Metal Church

I prey upon your morbid fear
Of terminal disease
You won't know the difference
Now it's time for surgery
Another shot, another pill
Two weeks therapy
I take all major credit cards
Your money is what I need

I'm a healer
I will keep you all alive
I'm a healer

A villain at your bedside
Take this and you'll be fine
Severely educated
Just pay your bill on time
I think it's time for another test
I need more of your blood
Sign this affidavit
So my insurance won't go up

I'm a healer
I will keep you all alive
I'm a healer

Research and development
Spend millions every year
You sickly and decrepit ones
Keep my yacht safe on the pier

You're dying on a stretcher
We'll try to save your life
If you can't afford my service
I will let you die
I'm trusted and respected
Says my diploma on the wall
Before I will do anything
I'll give your bank a call

I'm a healer
I will keep you all alive
I'm a healer

Metal Church concerts:

4-18-89, Newport Music Hall, Columbus, OH (one of my all-time favorite openers... Rest in Pieces, April 1, 1912)

3-39-16, Altar Bar, Pittsburgh, PA

The Metal Church logo is just to the right of the light socket (2011).

 

Please do not share this information with Chad Wheeler, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, the Kent Washington police department, Buick owners, Metal Church fans, Salman Rushdie, Fatwa designees, and/or the perpetrators and victims of felonious domestic violence.

#61. Tyreek

I was checking out the MVP odds for this weekend's Super Bowl.  Here are the ones I found to be of interest.

Pat Mahomes +100 (even)

Tom Brady +200

Tyreek Hill +1200 (bet $100 to win $1,200)

(Straight outta HBO's Oz)

Travis Kelce +1300

Leonard Fournette +2500

Clyde Edwards-Helaire +2800

Tyrann Mathieu +4000 (if Brady implodes and throws multiple interceptions)

Antonio Brown +6000 (can you say sucker bet?)

Rob Gronkowski +7000 (seems high considering the past Brady to Gronk relationship in high profile games and the possibility that Brady could announce his retirement if the Bucs win).

Ndamokug Suh and Le'Veon Bell are both going off at +10000 (Suh is a bad ass maniac, Bell is a dumbshit maniac.  Big difference.)

Kickers Succop and Butker are at +12500 (Seems a little high, especially if the game's low scoring and comes down to a last second field goal.  Conventional wisdom is that it'll come down to the last 2 minutes).

Obviously, as reflected in the odds, Mahomes and Brady are the obvious choices.  Though if there's a torrential downpour, I kinda like the value in the defensive backfield, particularly free roaming safety Tyrann Mathieu, the running backs and maybe even the kickers.  A sloppy, soaked field sounds consistent with the China Virus Bowl in Tampon Bay.  I doubt Roger Goodell would appreciate Tyreek Hill being named Super Bowl MVP because of the past domestic violence charge (same logic would apply to AB).

Dedicated to the explosive Tyreek Hill.  Come Sunday night, let's just hope you don't have a case of explosive diarrhea.

Tyreek
sonofsaf

Ah, time out
Tyreek, ain’t weak
Time out
Ah, time out
Tyreek, ain’t weak
Time out
Domestic violence so many ways
Slap to the face will surely leave you dazed
Stun gun leaves you feelin’ overdone
Light up a blunt it’s purely just for fun
Bought and sold is all bullshit, I'm told
Just don’t cry complain that you’re too old
His names “Tyreek," he’ll fuck you up all the way
Kickin’ ass night and everyday

Ah, time out
Tyreek, ain’t weak
Time out

Ain’t no pleasure to be found
Should be dead diggin’ in the ground
Your decision baked or fried
Rippin’ a thong is surely not a crime
The room will be rompin’ so don’t annoy
Cuz Tyreek is just a boy
No time to frown or settle scores
Just kick him out slam the door

Ah, time out
Tyreek, ain’t week
Time out
Tyreek
He is Tyreek
Tyreek

Ain’t no pleasure to be found
Should be dead diggin’ in the ground
Your decision baked or fried
Rippin’ a thong is surely not a crime
The room will be rompin’ so don’t annoy
Cuz Tyreek is just a boy
No time to frown or settle scores
Just kick him out slam the door

Ah, time out
Tyreek, ain’t weak
Time out
Ah, time out
Tyreek, ain’t weak
Time out
Ah, time out

Le Freak
Chic

Ah, freak out
Le freak, c'est Chic
Freak out
Ah, freak out
Le freak, c'est Chic
Freak out
Have you heard about the new dance craze?
Listen to us, I'm sure you'll be amazed
Big fun to be had by everyone
It's up to you, it surely can be done
Young and old are doing it, I'm told
Just one try, and you too will be sold
It's called "le freak, " they're doing it night and day
Allow us, we'll show you the way

Ah, freak out
Le freak, c'est Chic
Freak out

All that pressure got you down
Has your head spinning all around
Feel the rhythm, check the rhyme
Come on along and have a real good time
Like the days of stompin' at the Savoy
Now we freak, oh, what a joy
Just come on down, to fifty four
Find a spot out on the floor

Ah, freak out
Le freak, c'est Chic
Freak out
Now freak
I said freak
Now freak

All that pressure got you down
Has your head spinning all around
Feel the rhythm, check the ride
Come on along and have a real good time
Like the days of stopping at the Savoy
Now they freak, oh what a joy
Just come on down, to fifty four
Find a spot out on the floor

Ah, freak out
Le freak, c'est Chic
Freak out
Ah, freak out
Le freak, c'est Chic
Freak out
Ah, freak out 

 

When Chic hit it big in 1978, I was eight years old.  Consequently, I didn't do a whole lotta clubbin' or concert going.  So I never saw Chic play live.  That's probably a good thing.  Probably wouldn't have been able to keep up with all the coked out funk moves.

Please do not share this information with Tyreek Hill, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, any person affiliated with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers or Kansas City Chiefs organizations, any surviving members of Chic, and/or those impacted by domestic violence.

#60. Trapped In The Hell

Screech died from lung cancer yesterday at the age of 44.

Back in the early 90's, I'd occasionally watch an episode of Saved by the Bell.  But from the perspective of a guy in his mid 20's, the series was just exceptionally annoying.  Had I been 15 years younger at the time, maybe I would've embraced it.  Though that's doubtful.

Regardless, Dustin Diamond was easily the best actor at Bayside.  Had a tremendous stage presence.  So I thought a parody tribute was in order.  Zack Morris had a rock'n'roll band on the show called The Zack Attack.  But their lead single "Friends Forever" was especially weak.  As in abysmal.  So I went with the more recognizable Saved By The Bell theme song.  Its explicit zaniness could only be matched by last month's Capitol Hill insurrection.

RIP Dustin Diamond.  1977 - 2021.

Trapped in the Hell
sonofsaf

Well I’m done with all the mourning
Don’t give a shit about the warnings
Even though a couple of policemen just died
In chess you move your rooks
Best advice I ever took
I'm with the former Clown-in-Chief to see a real drive by

It's alright 'cuz I’m trapped in the hell

If a Trumper plants a bomb
I think that might be wrong
But the Donald needs his army to fight
Special love that he will share
Likes to play truth or dare
No forgiveness any sorrow gonna be a fight

It's alright 'cuz I’m trapped in the hell

It's alright 'cuz I’m trapped in the
It's alright 'cuz I’m trapped in the

It's alright 'cuz I'm trapped in the hell

Saved by the Bell (theme song)
Scott Gale

When I wake up in the morning
And the alarm gives out a warning
And I don't think I'll ever make it on time
By the time I grab my books
And I give myself a look
I'm at the corner just in time to see the bus fly by

It's alright 'coz I'm saved by the bell

If the teacher pops a test
I know I'm in a mess
And my dog ate all my homework last night
Riding low in my chair
She won't know that I'm there
If I can hand it in tomorrow it will be alright

It's alright 'coz I'm saved by the bell

It's alright 'coz I'm saved by the
It's alright 'coz I'm saved by the

It's alright 'coz I'm saved by the bell

 

In 2001, Dustin Diamond lost his home and filed for bankruptcy.  So he started slinging t-shirts to raise cash.  I used to swing shirts on college campuses back in the early 1990's.  So we have that in common.  The Jew thing too.  And people think I'm funny.  But that's about it.

Please do not share this information with anyone related to Dustin Diamond, the cast and crew of Saved by the Bell, t-shirt vendors, former President Donald J. Trump and/or Jews.

#59. Winner

Reality Winner was on Maury Povich desperately searching for her baby daddy.  She tested 4 different men.  I just know one thing.  And it's that the real father had better step up!  

But all the results came back the same.  All negative.  In rapid succession no less:

Bumper, you are NOT the father!

Shoeshine, you are NOT the father!

Mama's Boy, you are NOT the father!

Dogbreath, you are NOT the father!

My point is this.  If you're pursuing a career with a "dark" government acronym (NSA, FBI, CIA, DHS, etc.), it might be a good idea to use a more boring name like Jeff Smith or Mary Brown.  Something less inclined to draw maximum attention.  Steer clear of names like Reality Winner.  Or it just might be you who ends up decked out in orange "for a life in a town."  As opposed "to a night on the town." 

 

 

Orange?!?!  I'm not talkin' 'bout the Orange Prolapse awaiting his second impeachment trial.  I'm talkin' 'bout the ordinary Josephines.  Those who always end up taking the fall.

 

Truth be told, I know little about her case.  But Malcolm Nance, whose opinion I have the utmost respect for, had plenty of issues with her judgement, behavior and activities.  (She leaked classified information about the alleged Russian hacking of U.S. voter roles from the 2016 presidential election).  Hmm, not a particularly good time to speak one's mind.  She pleaded guilty in 2017 and got a 5 year sentence.

 

Let's dedicate this parody to the exact opposite of the Reality Winners... the Fictional Losers.

By the way, if you ever wondered what a real rock concert looks and sounds like.  Put your clicks on, public property!

 

 

Winner
sonofsaf

Winner lies for, lies beyond the norm
She doesn’t eat a Slim Jim
She doesn’t blow a wad, when watching porn
Did ya, did ya hear it, did ya throw them under
Trump despising pork and sauerkraut
Could you, could you eat shit, could you
Send you volumes dark to ponder
Stop advising tired of the doubt

Paradise roll dice and spy by the hand of the
Winner!
Winner!
Winner!
Winner!


Her snatch of furry
She wires cash in offshore ways
Top secret troubled talking
Downloaded files time again
She’s seen better days
Sentenced for five years so lock the door
Don’t know when to say when making too much sense
Spilling her guts is not the norm

Ham and Spam you all will feed at the can of the
Winner!
Winner!
Winner!
Winner!

Flawed by the levels, flawed by the levels
Damn bureaucracy
Flawed by the levels, flawed by the levels
Damn the bureaucracy

Do not fear Republicans from the far right
Can’t you see their love is toiling vetting all that’s white

Months and years now weeping, locked down
War ends up with dead, and shock and awe abounds
The Winner they fear, shedding a tear
And the yeast infection up and down

Can't you see Republicans with their shit stains
Do not fear their love is toiling vetting all that’s white

Winner, Winner, Winner, Winner!
Winner!
Winner!
Winner!
Winner!

Paradise roll dice and spy by the hand of the worst
Demand you jack and feed off Reality Winner!

Sinner
Judas Priest

Sinner rider, rides in with the storm
The devil rides beside him
The devil is his god, God help you mourn
Do you, do you hear it, do you hear the thunder
Deafen every living thing about
Can you, can you see it, can you
See the mountains darken yonder
Black sun rising, time is running out


Sacrifice to vice or die by the hand of the
Sinner!
Sinner!
Sinner!
Sinner!



His steed of fury,
Eyes of fire and mane ablaze
Demonic vultures stalking
Drawn by the smell of war and pain
He roams the star ways
Searching for the carcasses of war
But if it's hungry then its very presence
Disrupts the calm into the storm

Curse and damn you all you'll fall by the hand of the
Sinner!
Sinner!
Sinner!
Sinner!

God of the Devils, God of the Devils
Won't you help them pray
God of the Devils, God of the Devils
Is there no other way

Can't you hear their souls calling out in their plight
Can't you see their blood is boiling setting them alight

Thirty years now sleeping, so sound
War raises its head, and looks slowly around
The Sinner is near, sensing the fear
And the beast will start movin' around

Can't you see their souls calling out in their brain
Can't you hear their blood is boiling setting them alight

Sinner, Sinner, Sinner, Sinner!
Sinner!
Sinner!
Sinner!
Sinner!

Sacrifice to vice or die by the hand of the curse
And damn you all you fall by the hand of the sinner!

 

 

I've seen Judas Priest only once.  How pathetic is that?

 

8-28-04, Post-Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA (OzzFest)

Please do not share this information with Reality Winner, Maury Povich, Malcolm Nance, Rob Halford, Judas Priest fans, former President Donald Trump, and/or anyone employed by a government acronym.

#58. Feelin' Toomey

I stumbled across this picture of the Trump.  

Of the myriad of unsightly facial expressions, I feel this one truly embodies the essence of what it means to be an Orange Prolapse.  It's that look of utter frustration and absolute confusion.  When you're in way over your head and have no concept of the gravity of a situation.

Senator Pat Toomey (R-PA) is seated next to him, blurred and overshadowed in the background.  Perhaps it's a metaphor for the last 4 years.  Trump would say anything he wanted.  Spewing vitriolic nonsense.  Rhetoric that exceeded every political norm and societal boundary.  And naturally, all the gutless, sycophantic Republican Senators would fall in line.  Then quietly express their unease behind closed doors.

At the time, he was lambasting Republican leadership for failing to "stand up" to the NRA.  Keep in mind, most normal human beings would feel a tinge of discomfort talking about our "beautiful, wonderful" Second Amendment in the immediate aftermath of the Parkland massacre (17 fatalities).  Not so with Trump.  Anyone remember that cheat sheet of his when he held a one-sided roundtable discussion at the White House?

Trump felt their pain.  He's caring and sympathetic.  He wanted to spend some quality time with the Parkland kids.  And then sneak in a quick round of golf later that afternoon.

Dedicated to Toomey's successor.  Is it any wonder Toomey decided to retire?  Good riddance.  Bring on Fetterman.

 

Feelin’ Toomey
sonofsaf

Don’t frown, you got some gas
You should wipe that shit from your ass
Just goin' down to make you moan
Wantin' to cum and feelin' Toomey
Ba da-da da-da da-da, feelin' Toomey

White as a ghost, what yinz blowin'
I’ll cum on your face my passion's showin'
Fuck you in the ass for free
Doo-ait-n-doo-doo, feelin' Toomey
Ba da-da da-da da-da, feelin' Toomey

I ain’t got a dick to screw, vagina to reap
The sadness and sorrow of fucking a sheep
Drinkin' 19 Crimes drop it like a Snoop Doggy
Transgender screw, retire Toomey

 
Feelin’ Groovy
Simon and Garfunkel

Slow down, you move too fast
You got to make the morning last
Just kicking down the cobblestones
Looking for fun and feeling groovy
Ba da-da da-da da-da, feeling groovy

Hello lamppost, what'cha knowing
I've come to watch your flowers growin'
Ain't you got no rhymes for me?
Doo-ait-n-doo-doo, feeling groovy
Ba da-da da-da da-da, feeling groovy

I got no deeds to do, no promises to keep
I'm dappled and drowsy and ready to sleep
Let the morningtime drop all its petals on me
Life, I love you, all is groovy

 

Paul Simon Concerts:

7-18-99, Star Lake Amphitheater, Burgettstown, PA

7-8-01, Post-Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA

6-16-04, Mellon Arena, Pittsburgh, PA (w/ Art Garfunkel)

9-7-18, PPG Paints Arena, Pittsburgh, PA

Please do not share this information with Senator Pat Toomey (R-PA), former President Donald Trump, NRA members, musicians Paul Simon & Art Garfunkel, Snoop Dogg, 19 Crimes enthusiasts (the best wine in the $10 range), and/or survivors of the Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School massacre.

#57. Bohemian Cassidy

 Meet Senator Bill Cassidy (R-LA).  

He's the douche baguette at the podium, standing next to Senator John Kennedy (not to be confused with the real John Kennedy) and the Orange Prolapse (not to be confused with a red prolapse).

I normally let the parody speak for itself, but Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody" has some exceptionally unusual lyrics.  In a nutshell, "Bohemian Cassidy" is the story of a gay transvestite, gastroenterologist with a venereal disease who proudly serves the citizens of Louisiana.  He takes a hard line approach when it comes to Islamic fundamentalism and the war in Afghanistan.  His hobbies include sporting women's underwear and Covid denial.  Enjoy!

 

Bohemian Cassidy
sonofsaf

Do you just want strife?
Do you feel apathy?
Millions have just died
China virus for you and me
Look into his eyes
Despite all the lies Billy
He just has no joy, closer proximity
Because he never cums, always blows
Is never high, always low
Gotta wear panty hose, women’s frilly panties, for me, just me

Mullah, Afghanistan
Omar Taliban is dead
Mohammed Atta’d, in the head
Mullah, life’s not that fun
But now I’ve Kandahar’d Kabul today
Mullah, ooo
Doctored science you deny
All the rednecks line up, rally, and follow
Comicon, Comicon, gonna leave the earth in tatters

To date, my lines are dumb
Delivered and aligned
Mind is shifting paradigm
Good god heavenly body - I am homo
Gotta fuck you from behind in ways uncouth
Mullah, ooo - (gotta wear panty hose)
Tranny’s never lie
I sometimes think I’m gayer than fags with balls

I see some titties black stilettos on a man
Baguette douche, baguette douche wall to build in Mexico
A pole vault and climbing - illegal immigration me
Go commando, go commando
Go commando, go commando
Go commando falsetto - from Mexico

But you’re not a cowboy don’t try to lasso me  
He's just a cowboy from nearby Metairie
Sharing his wife fucking no dignity
Never cum always blow - will you fuck me slow
Bullshit god! No - he will not fuck you slow - fuck him slow
Bullshit god! He will not fuck you slow - fuck him slow
Bullshit god! He will not fuck you slow - fuck him slow
Will not fuck you slow - fuck me slow (never)
Never fuck you slow - fuck him slow
Never fuck me slow - ooo
No, no, no, no, no, no, no -
Oh Mullah Omar, Mullah Omar, Mullah Omar fuck me slow
A diseased butt with some herpes simplex C for me
For me
For me

So you think you can fuck me and cum in my eye
So you think you can suck me and leave me so dry
Oh Hades -won’t pray to the god Hades
Is there any doubt - we just think No Doubt’s kinda queer

Ooh yeah, ooh yeah
Women’s frilly panties
Anyone can see
Women’s frilly panties - women’s frilly panties on me
Gotta wear any hose…

Bohemian Rhapsody
Queen

Is this the real life?
Is this just fantasy?
Caught in a landslide
No escape from reality
Open your eyes
Look up to the skies and see
I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy
Because I'm easy come, easy go
A little high, little low
Anyway the wind blows, doesn't really matter to me, to me

Mama, just killed a man
Put a gun against his head
Pulled my trigger, now he's dead
Mama, life had just begun
But now I've gone and thrown it all away
Mama, ooo
Didn't mean to make you cry
If I'm not back again this time tomorrow
Carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters

Too late, my time has come
Sends shivers down my spine
Body's aching all the time
Goodbye everybody - I've got to go
Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth
Mama, ooo - (anyway the wind blows)
I don't want to die
I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all

I see a little silhouetto of a man
Scaramouch, scaramouch will you do the fandango
Thunderbolt and lightning - very very frightening me
Gallileo, Gallileo,
Gallileo, Gallileo,
Gallileo Figaro - magnifico

But I'm just a poor boy and nobody loves me
He's just a poor boy from a poor family
Spare him his life from this monstrosity
Easy come easy go - will you let me go
Bismillah! No - we will not let you go - let him go
Bismillah! We will not let you go - let him go
Bismillah! We will not let you go - let me go
Will not let you go - let me go (never)
Never let you go - let me go
Never let me go - ooo
No, no, no, no, no, no, no -
Oh mama mia, mama mia, mama mia let me go
Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me
For me
For me

So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye
So you think you can love me and leave me to die
Oh baby - can't do this to me baby
Just gotta get out - just gotta get right outta here

Ooh yeah, ooh yeah
Nothing really matters
Anyone can see
Nothing really matters - nothing really matters to me
Anyway the wind blows...

 

Regrettably, the closest I ever came to a Queen concert was watching the movie Bohemian Rhapsody starring Rami Malek.  He played the lead role of Freddie Mercury.  Although Malek delivered an outstanding performance, it would have been interesting to see what Sacha Baron Cohen would've done with the character.  Regardless, it was easily one of the best movies of the past decade.  I give it a Roger Ebbert thumbs up.  Not to be confused with an "orange fat fuck piece of shit" thumbs up.

Please do not share this information with Senator Bill Cassidy (R-LA0, Senator John Kennedy (R-LA), former president Donald Trump, registered Republican voters from the state of Louisiana, anyone who has served in Afghanistan, anyone who has contracted Covid-19, transvestites, cross dressers, homosexuals, and/or fans of the rock'n'roll band Queen.