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Of all the cable news commentators, Malcolm Nance is probably my favorite.
Brilliant, deliberate, concise, focused, erudite, solid, experienced, real, passionate, stern, and so on and so forth.
Dedicated to all the writers and journalists who currently overuse the word "asymmetric" (M. Nance-excluded). I was guilty of this exact same crime... 10 years ago.
Malcolm Nance sonofsaf
Malcolm Nance You hate Trump I have no doubt Malcolm Nance It’s the human race That’s in so much doubt
The war games Have all changed As Trump is a clown But the memes Are sustained and And he’s going down
How can’t they believe you (How can’t they believe you) News is where we need you (News is where we need you)
Yeah, you please us a lot Cause you’re always on the spot Malcolm Nance
Senator Mike Enzi (R-WY) retired in 2020. Therefore, he's not around to cast a vote on the second impeachment trial of the Orange Prolapse. Cynthia Lummis took his place and will assuredly fall in line accordingly. Here's Enzi with fellow Senatorial sycophant, John Barasso (R-WY).
(Enzi is the wider, grayer individual with the more formidable gock)
Tough to find a parody song for Mike Enzi. However, when you combine his first and last name... it loosely morphs into McEnzi... which becomes Mackenzie. As in Mackenzie Phillips from the sitcom One Day At A Time. Easily one of the best TV theme songs from that era. Right up there with Welcome Back Kotter. Technically speaking, the song should be called "You Are Shit" but I prefer the more exploratory thematic presence of "Fuck You All The Time."
Fuck You All The time sonofsaf
You are shit. You are shit. Fuck your wife, she’s a bitch Tell her to suck my balls
You are shit. You are shit. Go on home and eat a turd Gonna cut off your balls
And since you're queer an anal screw Keep on drilling through and through So hold on tight we'll muddle through Fuck you all the time. Fuck you all the time.
So go beat your meat. Beat your meat Enjoy the masturbation When you're 'bout to cum Know this song was just for fun.
Fuck you all the time. Fuck you all the time. Fuck you all the time. Fuck you all the time. Fuck you all the time. Fuck you all the time. Fuck you all the time. Fuck you all the time.
This Is It (One Day At A Time theme song) Polly Cutter
This is it. This is it. This is life, the one you get So go and have a ball.
This is it. This is it. Straight ahead and rest assured You can't be sure at all.
So while you're here enjoy the view Keep on doing what you do So hold on tight we'll muddle through One day at a time, One day at a time.
So up on your feet. Up on your feet Somewhere there's music playing. Don't you worry none We'll just take it like it comes.
One day at a time, one day at a time. One day at a time, one day at a time. One day at a time, one day at a time. One day at a time, one day at a time.
To the best of my knowledge, I've never encountered Mackenzie Phillips. However, on the show, her younger sister Barbara (Valerie Bertinelli in real life) was married to the late Eddie Van Halen. And I have seen a few Van Halen concerts:
6-15-88, Three Rivers Stadium, Pitttsburgh, PA (Monsters of Rock) 6-23-88, Rubber Bowl, Akron, OH (Monsters of Rock) 6-29-04, Post-Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA 3-21-08, Mellon Arena, Pittsburgh, PA (not good) 3-30-12, Consol Energy Center, Pittsburgh, PA (Kool and the Gang opened - odd pairing) 7-28-15, First Niagara Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA
Please do not share this information with former Senator Mike Enzi (R-WY), Senator John Barasso (R-WY), Cynthia Loomis (R-WY), Mackenzie Phillips, Valerie Bertinelli, Van Halen fans, and/or former President Donald Trump.
Yesterday, we were watching the impeachment trial when Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer and Minority Leader Bitch McConnell awarded DC Capitol police officer Eugene Goodman the Congressional Gold
Medal. Goodman was present in the Senate chamber and received a unanimous standing ovation.
Deliberately putting his own life in extreme jeopardy, Goodman's the guy who detoured the rioters away from members of Congress. Suffice it to say, he's more than a hero. He's a superhero. Formally recognized by everyone. Well, except the domestic terrorists who attacked the Capitol.
People who know me well understand one thing. I firmly believe in the concept of "super-empowerment." The notion of taking unusual variables and extenuating circumstances... and harnessing them in a way to demonstrate maximum awareness, ultimate positioning, superior morality, etc.
If I were Eugene Goodman, and assuming this 40 year old black man who served in Iraq, has a distaste for Donald Trump and wishes to fundamentally alter the trajectory of history... here's specifically what I would do. I'd separate the ribbon from the medal and cut it into individual pieces. Then I'd mail a corresponding number of the pieces (about 45 or so) to all the Republican Senators who voted to acquit Trump. Then, I'd take the actual medal and chuck it in the Potomac River. Make sure to capture the moment on TikTok or youtube or whatever. (It's illegal to sell the medal, but not to discard it). You might end up getting a littering fine, but that's about it. In essence you'd be making the following statements:
1. I've deemed the medal meaningless because about half the members of the Senate who awarded it to me, did so under a false pretenses. Not only that, but they clapped like trained seals during the presentation. Then, ended up voting to acquit Trump and basically sided with the insurrectionists who were trying to kill and injure us. Absolute, unforgivable hypocrisy.
2. I had you covered and was willing to put my life on the line to save your ass. But you stabbed me in the back. You're all a bunch of modern day Benedict Arnolds. It's the perfect enduring metaphor for the entire Trump administration (2016-2020).
Dedicated to Eugene Goodman. If you ever stumble across this post, feel free to gimme a ring. I think you'd get a kick out my perspective on things.
Goodman sonofsaf
Goodman Congressional Medal An honor for bravery is worthless Potomac River is where you will rest And Goodman Congressional Medal The ribbon part is somewhat pointless Super-empowerment nevertheless
Ooh, well, well Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo Ooh, well, well Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo Goodman
I hope you take a stand Embrace the role of being a man Please remember super-empowerment And Goodman
Tear that medal apart Cut it with scissors and mail them the parts Behavior that is even more bizarre
Ooh, well, well Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo Ooh, well, well Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
Well, Goodman This plan’s not in vain As it will cause them plenty sorrow and pain Future history again and again and again
I’ll fuck you, yeah, yeah Because I’m clever I’ll fuck you, yeah, yeah Because I’m clever I’ll fuck you, yeah, yeah Because I’m clever I’ll fuck you, yeah, yeah
Woman John Lennon
Woman I can hardly express My mixed emotions at my thoughtlessness After all, I'm forever in your debt And woman I will try to express My inner feeling and thankfulness For showing me the meaning of success
Ooh, well, well Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo Ooh, well, well Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo Woman
I know you understand The little child inside the man Please remember my life is in your hands And woman
Hold me close to your heart However distant, don't keep us apart After all it is written in the stars
Ooh, well, well Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo Ooh, well, well Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
\Well, woman Please let me explain I never meant to cause you sorrow or pain So let me tell you again and again and again
I love you, yeah, yeah Now and forever I love you, yeah, yeah Now and forever I love you, yeah, yeah Now and forever I love you, yeah, yeah
Never saw John Lennon in concert. He was killed when I was 10. I once saw his son Julian Lennon perform at the Wheeling Civic Center in 1986. A juggler opened the show. Whenever he dropped a ball or bowling pin, the crowd would boo. I was about 35 years ahead of my time... thinking WTF.
Please share this information with Washington D.C. Capitol Police Officer and recipient of the Congressional Gold Medal, Eugene Goodman. Thank you for your service.
I watched Trump's defense lawyers at the impeachment trial today. Sad! Fight, fight, fight... yeah I get it. Eleven minutes worth of liquid shit. Granted, I'm hardly impartial, but it just seemed the video was kinda disingenuous. And exhausting. How about all that spooky-foxy techno background music? What the fuck was up with that?
Also, and not to state the obvious, but I'd say about half of the Democrats, when they were telling their crowds "to fight"... were actually talking about fighting for healthcare, education, social security, living wage, climate change, etc. They weren't trying to create a human stampede.
Anyway, here's a twist on one of Marilyn Manson's most anthemic tunes. The Fight Song.
@20:24 (just something about 2001)
The Fight Song sonofsaf
Nothing irritates you more than The blasting of the same word that makes no sense Repetition is a cumbersome task to fake The editing in overdrive
But I'm not so brave to applaud Or cease and desist And I'm not so brave or concerned If Donald takes a shit
Not misunderstood Repeat all the lies And make Trump glad We'll carve you blind
Stay awake get a sugar fix candy bar Watch a video that’s all the same They just repeat the shit like Go and fight and say that death Is surely the way
Not misunderstood Repeat all the lies And make Trump glad We'll carve you blind
But I'm not so brave to applaud Or cease and desist And I'm not so brave or concerned If Donald takes a shit
Watching that video’s agony Watching that video’s agony Watching that video’s agony Repetition is idiosyncratic
But I'm not so brave to applaud Or cease and desist And I'm not so brave or concerned If Donald takes a shit But I'm not so brave to applaud Or cease and desist And I'm not so brave or concerned If Donald takes a shit
Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
The Fight Song Marilyn Manson
Nothing suffocates you more than The passing of everyday human events Isolation is the oxygen mask you make Your children breath into survive
But I'm not a slave to a god That doesn't exist And I'm not a slave to a world That doesn't give a shit
And when we were good You just closed your eyes So when we are bad We'll scar your minds
You'll never grow up to be a big-rock-star Celebrated-victim-of-your-fame They'll just cut our wrists like Cheap coupons and say that death Was on sale today
And when we were good You just closed your eyes So when we are bad We'll scar your minds
But I'm not a slave to a god That doesn't exist And I'm not a slave to a world That doesn't give a shit
The death of one is a tragedy The death of one is a tragedy The death of one is a tragedy The death of millions is just a statistic
But I'm not a slave to a god That doesn't exist And I'm not a slave to a world That doesn't give a shit But I'm not a slave to a god That doesn't exist And I'm not a slave to a world That doesn't give a shit
Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
Marilyn Manson concerts:
7-31-07, Time Warner Cable Amphitheater, Cleveland, OH
8-1-09, Post-Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA
5-5-12, Stage AE, Pittsburgh, PA
6-23-13, Stage AE, Pittsburgh, PA
1-30-15, Stage AE, Pittsburgh, PA
7-25-18, KeyBank Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA
Please do not share this information with former President Donald J. Trump, Marilyn Manson and/or the following impeachment lawyers for the defense: David Schoen, Bruce Castor Jr., and Michael van der Veen.
Out of all the potential 2024 Republican presidential candidates, I think the best bet might be Nikki Haley. That's assuming she's the only female in the race. The likely men... Pence, Cruz, Hawley, Kasich, Cotton, etc. would seem to generally cancel each other out.
(Nikki Haley makes a point while an orange pile of shit smiles and listens attentively)
Interesting that former UN Ambassador Nikki Haley would finally jump off the Trump Train just hours before his impeachment defense team hits the stage. Label me a cynic but the timing seems quite deliberate. Go figure. Politico released a carefully scripted article with some new Haley quotes. The highlights being...
"We need to acknowledge he let us down. He went down a path he
shouldn't have, and we shouldn't have followed him, and we shouldn't
have listened to him. And we can't let that ever happen again."
"I don't think he's going to be in the picture. I don't think he can. He's fallen so far."
"Never did I think he would spiral out like this. I don't feel like I know who he is anymore."
Not many politicians who served in the Trump administration were able to retain a smidgen of dignity. Let alone exit on a high note. Haley was the exception to the rule. Who can ever forget Secretary of State Rex Tillerson getting tweet-fired while using the restroom? I can imagine Trump salivating in the background... "just be sure everyone knows I fired him while he was taking a dump."
Dedicated to Nimrata Randhawa. As the 2024 election cycle approaches, I suspect the world will learn of your true name. The name on your birth certificate. Hey, straight outta the Orange Prolapse's playbook. Don't say I didn't warn ya.
Snarling Nikki sonofsaf
I knew a girl named Nikki Haley’s an American Indian Some think she is a little snobby Raises money like a cash machine She said, “Eat me when it’s dinnertime“ My kiss was on her list, then I questioned her state of mind
She let me lick her asshole A tossed salad right below the thighs The curry and all her spices Encouraging me to go and try She said, “All of my holes are so divine“ I have no doubt That Nikki had lost her mind
Nikki
Tired from all the winning It left me in so much pain I can tell you for the world to see That Donald Trump gave us all a migraine, oh, ah She loves to take it from behind Oh, there’s no controversy If you eat her muff, eat her muff She will lose her mind Snarlin’ Nikki, oh
Let me give you a warning Nikki said a prayer She prayed to Vishnu and made a sound ‘Bout the Republicans who were scared They said, "Thank you for this fucked up rhyme“ "Call me up if you haven’t lost your mind”
Damn Nikki, oh-oh-oh Oh-ah, aw Oh, ball sack Nikki, ball sack Your dirty Hindu bitch Lost her mind, mind, mind, mind, mind Mind, mind, mind, mind
Darling Nikki Prince
I knew a girl named Nikki I guess you could say she was a sex fiend I met her in a hotel lobby Masturbating with a magazine She said, "How'd you like to waste some time?" And I could not resist when I saw little Nikki grind
She took me to her castle And I just couldn't believe my eyes She had so many devices Everything that money could buy She said, "Sign your name on the dotted line" The lights went out And Nikki started to grind
Nikki
The castle started spinning Or maybe it was my brain I can't tell you what she did to me But me body will never be the same, oh, ah Her lovin' will kick your behind Oh, she'll show you no mercy But she'll sure enough, sure enough Show you how to grind Darlin' Nikki, oh
I woke up the next morning Nikki wasn't there I looked all over and all I found Was a phone number on the stairs It said, "Thank you for a funky time" "Call me up whenever you wanna grind"
Damn Nikki, oh-oh-oh Oh-ah, aw Oh, come back Nikki, come back Your dirty little Prince Want's to grind, grind, grind, grind, grind Grind, grind, grind, grind
Prince concerts:
9-20-97, Civic Arena, Pittsburgh, PA
4-14-04, Mellon Arena, Pittsburgh, PA (one of my all-time favorite concerts)
Please do not share this information with ex-South Carolina Governor and former UN Ambassador Nikki Haley, former President Donald Trump, former Secretary of State Rex Tillerson, former Vice President Mike Pence, Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX), former governor John Kasich (R-OH), Senator Tom Cotton (R-AR), Senator Josh Hawley (R-MO), the staff at Politico, and/or fans of Prince.
Remember when Stormy Daniels got arrested at a Columbus, Ohio strip club and was charged with 3 misdemeanor counts of "illegal touching?"
Nice mugshot though. Looks vastly superior to her mesmerizing celebrity shots. Seriously, who on the planet earth finds this to be titillating? (pun intended). Shit's warped.
If there was ever a poster child for a case of "trumped up" charges, it's gotta be Stephanie Clifford. And although the charges were quickly dropped a week later, I do recall learning the meaning of #BASTA. Which is Italian for "enough is enough." So at least something good came from her ordeal.
Dedicated to all the women who've been forced to prolong the surgical date for their boob implants due to the Covid pandemic. There is no way to accurately comprehend your emotional pain and suffering. You have my deepest sympathies.
Stormy’s Big Chest sonofsaf
Feel I’m motor boatin’ Stormy’s big chest Cum is cumming from her Ass-trodome And Trump’s dick all went into Stormy’s big chest The time he fucked her cleavage with his bone
Ate her Ritz but he prefers Nabisco Cookies and the cream he wants to screw And Trump’s dick all went into Stormy’s big chest Then Donald came all over me and you
Cheatin’ on his wife with Stormy’s big chest Jerkin’ to the porno on the screen And Trump’s dick all went into Stormy’s big chest And Stormy’s big chest cost him a lotta green
Trump will stick cock in Stormy’s big chest (Trump will stick cock in Stormy’s big chest) Trump will stick cock in Stormy’s big chest
Massachusetts Bee Gees
Feel I'm goin' back to Massachusetts Something's telling me I must go home And the lights all went out in Massachusetts The day I left her standing on her own
Tried to hitch a ride to San Francisco Gotta do the things I wanna do And the lights all went out in Massachusetts. They brought me back to see my way with you
Talk about the life in Massachusetts Speak about the people I have seen And the lights all went out in Massachusetts And Massachusetts is one place I have seen
I will be back to Massachusetts (I will be back to Massachusetts) I will be back to Massachusetts
The older I get, the more enamored I've become with the Bee Gees. Possibly the ultimate bucket list concert. Even more so than Zeppelin or The Beatles. Not joking. Honorable mention: The Cars. Not The Doors. Again, not joking.
Please do not share this information with Stormy Daniels, former President Donald J. Trump, the Columbus Ohio police department, titty fuckers, and/or the only surviving member of the Bee Gees, Barry Gibb.
Ah, the bizarre journey of Trump's attorney Michael Cohen. Here he is with the Orange Prolapse, flexing their collective muscle. Powerful, devious, defiant, shameless...
Here he is a year later, testifying before Congress, preparing to go to jail...
Of all the questionably asinine behavior of Trump while he was in office, I'll never quite understand why he got off scot-free regarding the Karen McDougal and Stormy Daniels affairs. $150,000 and $130,000 respectively. Keep in mind, the pay-offs, gag order agreements and nondisclosure settlements occurred during his presidency.
I can't help but think that any other person would have felt a sense of humiliation and resigned in disgrace. But Trump basically said, "So what? Fuck 'em all." And was never really challenged on it. Why? Because each member of the White House press pool knew that, at the very least, if they pressed the issue, they'd never get called on again. Or worst case scenario, they'd be permanently banished from the briefings.
When Trump used to call female minority reporters "nasty" and say "what a nasty question"... I always thought the perfect quickie follow up response would have been... "Uh, President Trump that was a question about policy. An example of a nasty question would be... Why did you have an extramarital affair with a porn star while your wife was giving birth to your son? And then pay her in excess of $100,000 to keep her quiet?" Boom! Now THAT is a nasty question.
Dedicated to Stormy's bosom. Can anyone conceptually fathom the dangerous prospect of a Stormy motorboat?
Michael Cohen sonofsaf
Prison is a dungeon Listen to the inmates snore Maybe you should mention Sucking’ on the cock below
I’m Trump’s lawyer Michael Cohen Lyin’ to you Michael Cohen
Cheatin’ with all your might Payin’ off the Storm’s not right J.D. you drinkin’ up a train wreck And lovin’ number forty five
I’m Trump’s lawyer Michael Cohen And I’ll be Lyin’ to you Michael Cohen
Said I was a wandering Jew My cell mate fucked me in the ass and shot his load I’m not a blow up doll for you Unless you get it up whip out your dick and show
I hereby do pledge To live a life of honesty I’m standin’ on a ledge My prolapse and profanity
I’m Trump’s lawyer Michael Cohen I'm gonna fuck you Lyin’ to us Michael Cohen I’m Trump’s lawyer Michael Cohen Lie unto us Michael Cohen
I’m Trump’s lawyer Michael Cohen I'm gonna fuck you Lyin’ to us Michael Cohen I’m Trump’s lawyer Michael Cohen Lie unto us Michael Cohen
I’m Trump’s lawyer Michael Cohen I'm gonna fuck you Lyin’ to us Michael Cohen I’m Trump’s lawyer Michael Cohen Lie unto us Michael Cohen
I’m Trump’s lawyer Michael Cohen I'm gonna fuck you Lyin’ to us Michael Cohen
Danger Zone Kenny Loggins
Revvin' up your engine Listen to her howlin' roar Metal under tension Beggin' you to touch and go
Highway to the danger zone Ride into the danger zone
Headin' into twilight Spreadin' out her wings tonight She got you jumpin' off the deck And shovin' into overdrive
Highway to the danger zone I'll take you Right into the danger zone
They never say "Hello" to you Until you get it on the red-line overload You'll never know what you can do Until you get it up as high as you can go
Out along the edge Is always where I burn to be The further on the edge The hotter the intensity
Highway to the danger zone I'm gonna take you Right into the danger zone Highway to the danger zone Ride into the danger zone
Highway to the danger zone I'm gonna take you Right into the danger zone Highway to the danger zone Ride into the danger zone
Highway to the danger zone I'm gonna take you Right into the danger zone Highway to the danger zone Ride into the danger zone
Highway to the danger zone I'm gonna take you Right into the danger zone
I've never spoken directly to any of the individuals referenced in this post. However, I did once speak with a bouncer outside Blush (dahntahn strip bar). I gave him my infamous business card about human stampede prevention and asked that he give one to Stormy Daniels when she made an appearance at the club during her esteemed "Make America Horny Again" tour of 2018. But it petered out. It died on the vine (Tony Soprano). If anyone's interested, I'm still searching for a spokesperson.
Please do not share this information with Michael Cohen, former President Donald Trump, Stormy Daniels, Karen McDougal, Blush employees, actors and actresses of HBO's Sopranos, Kenny Loggins, and/or any members of the White House press pool.
Ben Neguse represents the northwestern part of Denver as well as Boulder. The residents of Colorado should feel honored. He's brilliant. Keep in mind, the guy's 36 years old.
Trump is over twice his age and the equivalent of an orange prolapse.
Dedicated to all of the Democratic impeachment managers: Jamie Raskin, Ben Neguse, Diana Degette, David Cicilline, Joaquin Castro, Eric Swalwell, Ted Lieu, Stacey Plaskett, and Madeleine Dean. You've done much to restore a sliver of my faith in our democracy.
Neguse sonofsaf
Been twerkin’, yer fahr’d Trump lunching ass lard So soured, that twat Oh, you know he got caught
Got the Wheeling feeling And he’s a king with no crown
No time for healing Or else I'll drink up and drown
Tonight I gotta seduce, Neguse Pay off those union dues Please, say cheese Do not tweet and/or tease Crack, is whack Green New, Deal you don’t frack Light the fuse Everybody loves Neguse
If you wish to rule Oh using every tool Despite not being smart Gonorrhea burnin’ for Trump Somebody to fuck you His wife Melania tried He’s dying to fuck you He will and make you wanna cry
He will lie if you'd only seduce, Neguse Pay off those union dues Oh Trump, big dump Shake it, bake it baby Whoa, you know C'mon, c'mon Jim Crow Light the fuse Everybody lovess Neguse
First, we gotta impeach that clown Second, because his judgment ain’t sound Third, now we don’t need a fake poll
I'm sayin’ seduce, Neguse Pay off those union dues Please, say cheese Do not tweet and/or tease Crack, is whack Green New, Deal you don’t frack Light the fuse Everybody loves Neguse
Neguse, (Neguse), Neguse Kick off your Sunday shoes Pay off those union dues Please, say cheese Do not tweet and/or tease Crack, is whack Green New, Deal you don’t frack Light the fuse
Been working so hard I'm punching my card Eight hours, for what? Oh, tell me what I got
I gotten this feeling That time's just holding me down
I'll hit the ceiling Or else I'll tear up this town
Tonight I gotta cut loose, footloose Kick off your Sunday shoes Please, Louise Pull me up off my knees Jack, get back C'mon, before we crack Lose your blues Everybody cut footloose
You're playing so cool Obeying every rule Dig way down in your heart You're burning, yearning for some Somebody to tell you That life ain't passing you by I'm trying to tell you It will if you don't even try
You can fly if you'd only cut loose, footloose Kick off your Sunday shoes Ooh-wee, Marie Shake it, shake it for me Whoa, Milo C'mon, c'mon let's go Lose your blues Everybody cut footloose
First, we got to turn you around Second, you put your feet on the ground Third, now take a hold of your soul
I'm turning it loose, footloose Kick off your Sunday shoes Please, Louise Pull me up off my knees Jack, get back C'mon, before we crack Lose your blues Everybody cut footloose
Footloose, (Footloose), footloose Kick off your Sunday shoes Please, Louise Pull me up off my knees Jack, get back C'mon, before we crack Lose your blues
I've never seen a live Loggins. I don't mind Log Cabins. But I generally refrain from Log Cabin and syrup in general. In fact, as far as waffles and pancakes go, I find myself easily disgusted when watching a person drench their entire breakfast plate with maple syrup. The act of syrup saturation just exudes this dumb-shitted, ginger, Trumpian vibe.
Please do not share this information with Joe Neguse (D-CO), Jamie Raskin (D-MD), Diana Degette (D-CO), David Cicilline (D-RI), Joaquin
Castro (D-TX), Eric Swalwell (D-CA), Ted Lieu (D-CA), Stacey Plaskett (D-Virgin Islands), and Madeleine Dean (D-PA), and/or Kenny Loggins.
Yesterday, former Ohio State Treasurer Josh Mandel (R-OH) announced his 2022 run for the seat of Rob Portman who's retiring. Mandel came out blazing with a pro-Trump platform. I couldn't find a picture of him with the Orange Prolapse. But here's one of him with Robot Rubio.
All aboard the douchebag express! Choo fuckin' choo.
Mandel's Senate candidacy announcement was overshadowed his own statements... "I've been watching this sham and unconstitutional impeachment, and it's
really made my blood boil and it's motivated me to run for the U.S.
Senate. I want to go to Washington to stand up for the Trump
'America First' agenda. I think when we look back on this election, we'll see in large part that it was stolen from President Trump."
Yep. That about sums it up. If Mandel wins the Republican primary, hopefully this song will stick to him like melting hot wax. Like a candle in the wind.
Mandel Who Has Sinned sonofsaf
Why you so obscene Maybe it’s time to take a fall The Senate race go fuck yourself Has all your fundraising stalled It stalled out you ass hole jerk And you whimpered that’s inhumane Trump called on you to stop the steal And he said it’s all a game
And it seems to me you fucked your wife Like a Mandel who has sinned Always slurping on a dick for Original sin And I hate you because you’re a Jew But if we just forbid Josh Mandel political whore It’s you we need to rid
Homeliness sure sucks Not to mention how you are gay But you could toss a damn salad bar You’re a faggot never laid And we hope you die Oh the blood and soiled Jew Still we hope you go away Let's hope that doesn’t sound too rude
And it seems to me you fucked your wife Like a Mandel who has sinned Always slurping on a dick for Original sin And I hate you because you’re a Jew But if we just forbid Josh Mandel political whore It’s you we need to rid
Why you so obscene Maybe it’s time to take a fall The Senate race go fuck yourself Has all your fundraising stalled Why you so obscene From the gang bang by some twenty guys you know Who say that you are gay and transsexual More than just our Ohio ho
And it seems to me you fucked your wife Like a Mandel who has sinned Always slurping on a dick for Original sin And I hate you because you’re a Jew But if we just forbid Josh Mandel political whore It’s you we need to rid Josh Mandel political whore It’s you we need to rid
Candle In The Wind Elton John
Goodbye Norma Jean Though I never knew you at all You had the grace to hold yourself While those around you crawled They crawled out of the woodwork And they whispered into your brain They set you on the treadmill And they made you change your name
And it seems to me you lived your life Like a candle in the wind Never knowing who to cling to When the rain set in And I would have liked to have known you But I was just a kid Your candle burned out long before Your legend ever did
Loneliness was tough The toughest role you ever played Hollywood created a superstar And pain was the price you paid Even when you died Oh the press still hounded you All the papers had to say Was that Marilyn was found in the nude
And it seems to me you lived your life Like a candle in the wind Never knowing who to cling to When the rain set in And I would have liked to have known you But I was just a kid Your candle burned out long before Your legend ever did
Goodbye Norma Jean Though I never knew you at all You had the grace to hold yourself While those around you crawled Goodbye Norma Jean From the young man in the twenty second row Who sees you as something more than sexual More than just our Marilyn Monroe
And it seems to me you lived your life Like a candle in the wind Never knowing who to cling to When the rain set in And I would have liked to have known you But I was just a kid Your candle burned out long before Your legend ever did Your candle burned out long before Your legend ever did
Elton John concerts:
Elton John, 6-11-99, Star Lake Amphitheatre, Burgettstown, PA Elton John, 3-23-11, Consol Energy Center, Pittsburgh, PA Elton John, 9-18-12, Wesbanco Arena, Wheeling, WV Elton John, 10-10-18, PPG Paints Arena, Pittsburgh, PA
Please do not share this information with Josh Mandel (R-OH), Senator Marco Rubio (R-FL), former President Donald J. Trump and/or Elton John.
Like most political junkies, I've been glued to Trump's impeachment trial. And naturally I have a suggestion. CNN and MSNBC need to conceive of a name for the Senate Republicans who remain absolutely loyal to the Orange Prolapse. A historical designation for the ones who are going to cast a vote to acquit Trump, no matter what. No matter the evidence presented, no matter how many were killed and injured, no matter the attempt to overturn the will of the people, no matter the objective to obliterate the Constitution and dismantle Democracy. Get my drift? These Senators require a specific identity.
Two suggestions come to mind ---
The Proud Guys - sycophantic male Senators like Josh Hawley, Ted Cruz, Lindsey Graham, Tommy Tuberville, etc.
The Proud Dolls - sycophantic female Senators like Marsha Blackburn, Cynthia Loomis, Cindy Hyde-Smith, etc.
I like it because it's easy to grasp... Guys and Dolls. Obviously, it's a knock-off of the famous Broadway musical with the added white supremacy twist of the Proud Boys. Even if you're unfamiliar with the play, plenty of people know about it, primarily because it was referenced in the infamous Seinfeld episode where Jerry and George are falsely exposed as a gay couple by an NYU reporter. In the episode, George surprises Jerry for his birthday with two tickets to Guys and Dolls (it's not Guys and Guys).
The other idea is to lump all the diehard Trump loyalists with the same name. I like calling them "The Sicknickers" or "The Sicker Nickers." A reference to the U.S. Capitol policeman who was savagely beaten to death. Pretty much everyone knows the identity of Brian Sicknick. So it's a blatant, enduring reminder of the stunning hypocrisy. Especially since all these Trumper faux-patriots issued formal statements condemning his senseless murder. But truth be told, they could care less. It also has a phonetic similarity with the N-word. Plus, you can employ a slight variation of the famous Snickers slogan...
"You're not you when you're hungry." Instead I'd go with... "You're not you when you're dead."
Of course, nobody ever takes my advice. So history will likely just refer to this faction as "The Acquitters." Even though I'd prefer something with a little more creative, historical zing, I suppose I could live with that one. How about the Dred Scotters? Think in terms of the legislative equivalent for the most infamous, lasting stain on the judicial branch. I like it because of the glaring racial overtones.
Anyway, in keeping with the Guys and Dolls theme, here's a parody of Hello Dolly. I call it "Goodbye Hawley." So show me that Senatorial piece of shit from Missouri. Uh what's his name? Oh yeah, Josh Hawley. That smug piece of shit was sitting all by himself yesterday, in the gallery, with his feet up, pretending to busy himself with the reading of fake documents. What a piece of... uh what's the word I'm looking for... oh yeah, shit! Josh Hawley is a piece of shit. Dedicated to that pathetic fucking embarrassment.
Goodbye Hawley sonofsaf
Goodbye Hawley, ...this is Saffy, Hawley Roll the dice to suck your cack inside that thong You stink like hell, Hawley… I can smell, Hawley You're still hoe-in’…you're still blowin’… you're still wearin’ thongs I feel that you’re prayin'... away all the gayin’ We gonna savor that thong again and again, So... cut the crap, fellas... give him a total DAP, fellas Hawley, ass-holy gotta defend
I feel that you’re prayin'... away all the gayin’ We gonna savor that thong again and again, So Hawley gee, fellas come smoke an eighth with me Fellas Hawley, pray away the gay, fellas You’ll pray away the gay Hawley keep prayin’ away that gay
Hello Dolly Louis Armstrong
Hello, Dolly, ...this is Louis, Dolly It's so nice to have you back where you belong You're lookin' swell, Dolly... I can tell, Dolly You're still growin'...you're still crowin'...you're still goin' strong I feel the room swayin'...while the band's playin' One of our old favourite songs from way back when, So... take her wrap, fellas... find her an empty lap, fellas Dolly'll never go away again
I feel the room swayin’ while the band playin One of our old favorite songs from way back when, So golly gee, fellas have a little faith in me Fellas Dolly’ll never go away, fellas You’ll never go away Dolly ain’t goin away again
Never saw Louis Armstrong in concert. He died in 1971 when I was one.
Please do not share this information with Senator Josh Hawley (R-MO), Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX), Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC), Senator Tommy Tuberville (R-AL), Senator Marsha Blackburn, Senator Cynthia Loomis (R-WY), Senator Cindy Hyde-Smith (R-MS), former President Donald J. Trump, and/or any descendants of the late Louis Armstrong.
Of all the Trump crimes against normalcy, one of his biggest often goes unnoticed. It was the relentless weaponization of the national anthem. Even when he fucked up the delivery. As if the Orange Prolapse really gives and/or gave a shit.
Here's quite possibly the most inauthentic, disturbing picture taken during the entire reign of Trump.
Dallas Mavericks owner, Mark Cuban, born and raised about 10 miles from me, decided that enough was enough. He made the decision to cease playing of the National Anthem before all future Maverick games.
Come on Dallas, hear our cries Have no fear The anthem is somewhat dry Billions in cash for me
I will not play the anthem for you The tough decisions are never free All of it is just a big fat con I am no worse than all the rest
I'm only Cuban My yinzer blood won’t fade Cuban Dallas Mavs are fake
Of all the whites I wronged there are few Of all the crimes I cooked from outer space Trusting in the ref's a big deal It’s believing in the human race
I'm only Cuban My Pittsburgh blood won’t fade Cuban Dallas Mavs are fake (He is just a fan) (Cuban) (Cuban) Seize cash for me
(The cheers I buy aren’t cheers in vain I will now confide, rebuild and blame Combative Jew, now I'll reform all of yous While right from the start I was Cuban too)
I'm only Cuban My yinzer blood won’t fade (He is just a fan) Cuban Dallas Mavs are fake
(Cuban Cuban).
Human Human League
Come on baby, dry your eyes Wipe your tears Never like to see you cry Won't you please forgive me
I wouldn't ever try to hurt you I just needed someone to hold me To fill the void while you were gone To fill this space of emptiness
I'm only human Of flesh and blood I'm made Human Born to make mistakes
So many nights I longed to hold you So many times I looked and saw your face Nothing could change the way I feel No one else could ever take your place
I'm only human Of flesh and blood I'm made Human Born to make mistakes (I am just a man) (Human) (Human) Please forgive me
(The tears I cry aren't tears of pain They're only to hide my guilt and shame I forgive you, now I ask the same of you While we were apart I was human too)
I'm only human Of flesh and blood I'm made (I am just a man) Human Born to make mistakes
(Human Human).
Never saw the Human League in concert. Does that make me inhuman. I mean... seriously, what other criteria could there possibly be?
Please do not share this information with Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban, former President Donald J. Trump, singers of the national anthem, and/or fans of The Human League
The Biden administration needs a comprehensive plan for getting kids to physically go back to school. Considering how there's been an entire year's worth of Covid disinformation tactics, it's gonna be next to impossible to convince an overwhelming percentage of parents that all the schools are suddenly safe on such and such a date.
So I'd unveil a strategy that focuses heavily on food insecurity. Hey, everyone's gotta eat. Right?
I even have the perfect spokesperson in mind. The Bears Against Drugs telemarketing phenom of the early 90's --- Anna A. a/k/a "Anna Grubler, German Shot Put Artist." Who among us can ever forget her poignant refrain... "Leave me alone, I'm eatin'!" Oh, how Anna would peddle the Smoky Mountain Secret gift boxes: the jellies and preserves, the steak sauces and seasonings, the mustard, the gourmet salad dressings, and never forget, the much heralded fruit syrups.
Dear Students sonofsaf
Dear Students, time for Taco Tuesday Dear Students, eat the lunch buffet
The fries are up, the beef is stew I’m kinda full and cheese is bleu Dear Students hey it’s Taco Tuesday
Dear Students won’t you biggie size Dear Students teachers are unwise
Hot wings to go my turds will sting Cuz you have eaten all of them Dear Students hey you should not biggie size.
Look for ground and round Look for ground round round Look for ground
Dear Students show me that new style Dear Students impeachment is wild The crowd will be a weighty gain Synthetic cloth and Diapers depend Dear Students hey show me that new style.
Dear Students, time for Taco Tuesday Dear Students, eat the lunch buffet The fries are up, the beef is stew I’m kinda full and cheese is bleu Dear Students hey it’s Taco Tuesday
Dear Prudence The Beatles
Dear Prudence, won't you come out to play Dear Prudence, greet the brand new day
The sun is up, the sky is blue It's beautiful and so are you Dear Prudence won't you come out to play
Dear Prudence open up your eyes Dear Prudence see the sunny skies The wind is low the birds will sing That you are part of everything Dear Prudence won't you open up your eyes?
Look around round Look around round round Look around
Dear Prudence let me see you smile Dear Prudence like a little child The clouds will be a daisy chain So let me see you smile again Dear Prudence won't you let me see you smile?
Dear Prudence, won't you come out to play Dear Prudence, greet the brand new day The sun is up, the sky is blue It's beautiful and so are you Dear Prudence won't you come out to play
When John Lennon was assassinated in 1980, I was 10 years old. Hence, no Beatles concerts.
Please do not share this information with the Biden administration, Secretary of Education nominee Miguel Cardona, former Bears Against Drugs employees, members of the fictitious West Virginia Troopers Association, and/or Paul McCartney.
Although there are plenty of lawyers on both sides of the Trump impeachment trial, the heavy hitters seem pretty obvious. Representative Jamie Raskin (D-MD) will spearhead the anti-Trump forces.
David Schoen (an attorney from Alabama whose previous clients include Jeffrey Epstein and Roger Stone) will represent the Orange Prolapse's defense team.
So it all comes down to this... to impeach OR not to impeach. THAT is the question.
I thought Raskin's opening statement was solid. At some point, I would encourage him to raise the following question. "What assurance is there, that in the future, Donald Trump won't continue to stage rallies and encourage his followers to attack innocent men, women and children? What's the game plan if these actions result in additional injuries and fatalities.
Oddly enough, Schoen is an observant Jew who makes a deliberate effort to cover his head, with his hand, while drinking a sacred sip of water. Why? Because he's not wearing his magic Jew hat.
Dedicated to Congressman Jamie Raskin. If necessary, feel free to use the following parody for inspiration.
Practice To Impeach sonofsaf
It’s time to take a stand Trump needs to stay the fuck away His tweets were never sound The consequences you must weigh The final curtain of the White House glory hole All of the news you fake, not a think tank Removal is the goal, Trump has got no soul
Trump never had much fun, the fun to play and to betray Seconds without hunger the buffet You gonna stick your wife in and out of her holes But she will not do porn, First Lady learned There ain’t no starring role! Better know your role!
So practice to impeach! Practice to impreach! Peach! Practice to impeach! Practice to impeach! Peach! Practice to impeach!
It’s time to take a stand Trump needs to stay the fuck away His tweets were never sound The consequences you must weigh The final curtain of the White House glory hole All of the news you fake, not a think tank Removal is the goal, Trump has got no soul
World’s greatest troll, Trump has got no soul World’s greatest troll, so practice to impeach
So practice to impeach! Peach! Practice to impeach! Practice to impeach! Peach!
Practice What You Preach Testament
You think your life's so great You don't believe a word you say Your feet aren't on the ground You let your life just slip away Just so uncertain of your body and your soul The promises you make, your mind so blank And then you lose control, then you lose control!
I never was the one, the one to say the things you say Never seem to wonder what you say You think you've got your life completely in control You've got a lot to learn, the bridge you burned It's gonna take its toll! Pay the burnt bridge toll!
So practice what you preach! Practice what you preach! Preach! Practice what you preach! Practice what you preach! Preach! Practice what you preach!
You think your life's so grad You don't believe a word you say Your feet aren't on the ground You let your life just slip away Just so uncertain of your body and your soul The promises you make, your mind so blank And then you lose control, then you lose control!
Pay the burnt bridge toll, then you lose control Pay the burnt bridge toll, so practice what you preach
So practice what you preach! Preach! Practice what you preach! Practice what you preach! Preach!
Testament concerts:
7-15-88, City Limits, Penn Hills, PA (one of my all-time favorite concerts)
11-1-89, Newport Music Hall, Columbus, OH
11-17-11, Stage AE, Pittsburgh, PA
11-25-13, Stage AE, Pittsburgh, PA
Please do not share this information with Congressman Jamie Raskin (D-MD), attorney David Schoen, former President Donald J. Trump, Chuck Billy, and/or the viewers of the Trump impeachment trial (round 2).
One of my favorite clips from The Office was Dwight and Michael performing Lazy Scranton. So I put a midwest spin on it. Think in terms of Angela vacationing on the casino circuit in Branson, Missouri.
Dedicated to Bye Missile out in Seattle. She compared my "hustling for tickets routine" outside Heinz Field to the behavior and mannerisms of Dwight Schrute.
Crazy Branson sonofsaf
Shittin’ on the toilet a dump is what I’m takin’ Closin' the lights cash money that we’re rakin’
Yo Trump that clown is orange and shitty Flies on Air Force One into the state of Missouri
They call it Branson (What?) The state of Missouri Branson (What?) The state of Missouri
Crazy Branson, the state of Missouri They call it that so you better not worry
The Bible Belt is in the Midwest And our pubic zones and vaginas are truly the best
The treason patrol has knowledge from insiders But check all the facts with your Holocaust denier
Plenty of lies in the Senate plot Bearded Ted Cruz and Josh Hawley they got caught -
Caught, caught, caught, caught
Sneak attack crime, don’t wind up dead - We like casinos for the black or red
They call it Branson (What?) The state of Missouri Brasnon (What?) The state of Missouri Branson (What?) The state of Missouri Branson (What?) The state of Missouri Branson (What?)
Lazy Scranton The Office
Sittin’ in my office with a plate of grilled bacon Call my man Dwight just to see what was shakin’
Yo Mike our town is dope and pretty So check out how we live in the Electric City!
They call it Scranton (What?) The Electric City Scranton (What?) The Electric City
Lazy Scranton, the Electric City They call it that ‘cause of the electricity
The city’s laid out from east to west And our public parks and libraries are truly the best
Call poison control if you’re bit by a spider But check that it’s covered by your health care provider!
Plenty of space in the parking lot But the little cars go in the compact spot
Spot, spot, spot, spot
Snack attack time, don’t lose your head We like Cugino’s for the tasty bread
They call it Scranton (What?) The Electric City Scranton (What?) The Electric City Scranton (What?) The Electric City Scranton (What?) The Electric City Scranton (What?)
Just in case my parody's insufficient, here's the SNL original.
Please do not share this information with Steve Carell, Rainn Wilson, former President Donald J. Trump, Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX), Senator Josh Hawley (R-MO), and/or those who gamble in Branson, Missouri.
The first Congressman to "officially die" from Covid-19 is Ron Wright (R-TX). His soul ascended to the heavens yesterday. Or descended to hell. Or leveled off in purgatory. I do not know. Perhaps this photo of him with a cheerful Orange Prolapse will provide some degree of comfort to family, friends, and constituents.
Naturally, I believe his passing to be worthy of parodontax. That's GlaxoSmithKline (Beecham) for "worthy of parody."
Dedicated to the voters of the 6th District (comprised mostly of Arlington, TX and parts of Ft. Worth).
I Was Ron Wright (R-TX) sonofsaf
Never used to drive a Harley People said I played with Barbies Politics it’s tough to make amends So when all was said and done China virus ain’t no fun And when it’s time to change you have to rearrange
I've seen so much legislation blown I praised Trump smelled his cologne And in the end my death was not so humane But the riots did arrive Still I made it out alive And that insurrection gave me a migraine
I was Ron Wright I was not lazy Oh, but I just might shoot the moon when you go settle scores You gotta fight Vote only for me I may be gone it’s all for show But I was Ron Wright
Well, a suit and tie is what you’d wear You’re just sworn in without a care Donald Trump tweeted that it’d be wild We must kill the Taliban And defend Afghanistan 'Cause the chicken hawks are just my kinda style
Now dream about the wars you tried to Authorize and get us into You might be as crazy as Trump And he’s lazier than you And we know Kushner’s a Jew And you wouldn't want to watch me take a dump
I was Ron Wright I was not lazy Oh, but I just might shoot the moon when you go settle scores I was pale and white You can’t rearrange me I may be gone it’s all for show But I was Ron Wright
I was Ron Wright I was not lazy Oh, but I just might shoot the moon when you go settle scores You gotta fight Vote only for me I may be gone it’s all for show But I was Ron Wright
I may be gone but I was Ron Wright I may be gone but I was Ron Wright I may be gone but I was Ron Wright I may be gone but I was Ron Wright I may be gone but I was Ron Wright I may be gone but I was Ron Wright I may be gone but I was Ron Wright I may be gone but I was Ron Wright
You may be right Billy Joel
Friday night I crashed your party Saturday I said I'm sorry Sunday came and trashed me out again I was only having fun Wasn't hurting anyone And we all enjoyed the weekend for a change
I've been stranded in the combat zone I walked through Bedford-Stuy alone And I rode my motorcycle in the rain And you told me not to drive But I made it home alive So you said that only proves that I'm insane
You may be right I may be crazy Oh, but it just may be a lunatic you're looking for Turn out the light Don't try to save me You may be wrong for all I know But you may be right
Well, remember how I found you there Alone in your electric chair I told you dirty jokes until you smiled You were lonely for a man I said take me as I am 'Cause you might enjoy some madness for a while
Now think of all the years you tried to Find someone to satisfy you I might be as crazy as they If I'm crazy then it's true That it's all because of you And you wouldn't want me any other way
You may be right I may be crazy Oh, but it just may be a lunatic you're looking for It's too late to fight It's too late to change me You may be wrong for all I know But you may be right
You may be right I may be crazy Hey, but It just may be a lunatic you're looking for Turn out the light Oh, don't try to save me You may be wrong for all I know You may be right
You may be wrong but you may be right You may be wrong but you may be right You may be wrong but you may be right You may be wrong but you may be right You may be wrong but you may be right You may be wrong but you may be right You may be wrong but you may be right You may be wrong but you may be right
Billy Joel Concerts:
3-4-99, Civic Arena, Pittsburgh, PA
2-21-14, Consol Energy Center, Pittsburgh, PA
7-1-16, PNC Park, Pittsburgh, PA
Please do not share this information with relatives of the late Ron Wright (R-TX), former President Donald J. Trump, voters of the Texas 6th District, and/or employees of GlaxoSmithKline.
