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I'm gonna be unusually blunt here. There are two guys named Leon Black. One of them is the co-founder of Apollo Global Management with a net worth of roughly 8 billion. He's also the same pedophile piece of shit who gave another pedophile piece of shit (Jeff Epstein) 158 million dollars for "legal advice."
There's a huge difference. It's a noteworthy discrepancy.
Leon Goon sonofsaf
I’ll give you a frown when the market’s down Spend money sticking my dick in whores One of the privileged… few Wife’s tits above par trophy fucking rack I pay a porn star or two to lick her crack While I play with bone sit in the corner too
I say go fly a damn kite I’m rich and white I’m the Leon Goon
Now it don’t matter that I’m homely And I can’t get hard not so bony To hear orgasmic screams Except it was all a dream I’m the Leon Goon
I’m sixty nine years old oh what a sight to see And when I die, you’ll pay the fee You and the crackwhores will pay for my tomb I’m selling so many fears that you’ve denied And so many lives that’ve died Selling all my shit for a big payday
Oh, but tonight’s the night Gonna be a fight I’m the Leon Goon
Oh, it don’t matter that I’m homely And I can’t get hard not so bony To hear orgasmic screams Except it was all a dream I’m the Leon Goon
A scam and a con, wink by wink All my words become eight billion in the eye of a blink And my quest for the money, ain't never gonna bend
Oh, but tonight’s the night Gonna be a fight I’m the Leon Goon
Oh, it don’t matter that I’m homely And I can’t get hard not so bony To hear orgasmic screams Except it was all a dream I’m the Leon Goon
To hear orgasmic screams Except it was all a dream I’m the Leon Goon Oh, hear orgasmic screams Except it was all a dream I’m the Leon Goon
Neon Moon Brooks & Dunn
When the sun goes down on my side of town That lonesome feeling comes to my door And the whole world turns blue There's a rundown bar 'cross the railroad tracks I got a table for two way in the back Where I sit alone and think of losing you
I spend most every night Beneath the light Of a neon moon
Now if you lose your one and only There's always room here for the lonely To watch your broken dreams Dance in and out of the beams Of a neon moon
I think of two young lovers running wild and free I close my eyes and sometimes see You in the shadows of this smoke-filled room No telling how many tears I've sat here and cried Or how many lies that I've lied Telling my poor heart she'll come back someday
Oh, but I'll be alright As long as there's light From a neon moon
Oh, if you lose your one and only There's always room here for the lonely To watch your broken dreams Dance in and out of the beams Of a neon moon
The jukebox plays on, drink by drink And the words of every sad song seem to say what I think And its hurt inside of me, ain't never gonna end
Oh, but I'll be alright As long as there's light From a neon moon
Oh, if you lose your one and only There's always room here for the lonely To watch your broken dreams Dance in and out of the beams Of a neon moon
To watch your broken dreams Dance in and out of the beams Of a neon moon Oh, watch your broken dreams Dance in and out of the beams Of a neon moon
Brooks & Dunn Concerts:
9-3-05, Post-Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA
6-9-07, Heinz Field, Pittsburgh, PA
Do not share this information with Leon Black (the multi-billionaire scumbag), Leon Black (JB Smoove), anyone affiliated with HBO's Curb Your Enthusiasm, employees of Apollo Global Management, and/or members of Brooks and/or Dunn.
Elon Musk became the wealthiest person on the planet earlier this month. He's now worth upwards 185 billion. Kudos! Huzzah! Way to go.
But here's something of interest. Yesterday, Musk sent out the following tweet before the markets opened.
He felt the need to share how he "kinda loves Etsy."
He then tweeted a further explanation. About how he had just used Etsy to purchase some form of knitted martian toy for his dog. Glad we got that straight.
Now I'll be the first to admit, tweeting about a dog toy is utterly fascinating. Not to mention headline breaking news. But here's what's really interesting. Etsy stock soared nearly 9% in intraday trading.
A few weeks ago, Musk tweeted two words "Use Signal." Well, a medical device company named Signal saw their stock bounce significantly higher. But Musk was actually referring to Signal... a messaging application.
Here's Musk hangin' out with the Orange Prolapse.
Hmm, maybe it's time the Securities and Exchange Commission take a look at a different kind of insider trading. I remember the good ol' days when Martha Stewart got busted for conveniently selling 4,000 shares of ImClone, a day before the company announced some bad news, and the stock dropped 16%. Although she saved herself about 50K, Stewart never got busted for insider trading though. She got nailed for lying to the FBI and various racketeering/obstruction charges. And then spent 5 months in a federal prison in Ellen, WV followed by 2 years probation and supervised release. Martha! Martha! Martha!
It's a lot like killing people. If you're responsible for the deaths of thousands, nobody bats an eye. But if you end up having weirdo sex and accidentally suffocate your partner with Saran wrap, well, you're totally fucked. It's a lot like drugs. You can get the entire state of West Virginia hooked on Oxycontin... but if you sell a lone doobie out of a McDonald's drive thru window or hide a dime bag of weed in a baby's diaper bag, you can kiss your life goodbye.
Musk sonofsaf
Why don’t you ask him if he’s greedy today? Why don’t you ask him if he wears a toupee? Ay... Why don’t you give him an atom bomb? Why don’t you give him testosterone? O-o-o Why don’t you ask him ‘bout a black swan? Why don’t you ask him if he’ll throw you a bone? Hooga haaga hooga Don’t say that you owe me Just gimme all your money Musk Just gimme your money Don’t gimme what you Musk Real business like Ugh Musk Musk Musk Musk
Tusk Fleetwood Mac
Why don't you ask him if he's going to stay? Why don't you ask him if he's going away? Ay... Why don't you tell me what's going on? Why don't you tell me who's on the phone? O-o-o Why don't you ask him what's going on? Why don't you ask him the latest on his throne? Hooga haaga hooga Don't say that you love me Just tell me that you want me Tusk Just say that you want me Don't tell me that you Tusk Real savage like Ugh Tusk Tusk Tusk Tusk
Fleetwood Mac concerts:
9-27-97, Star Lake Amphitheater, Burgettstown, PA
3-1-09, Mellon Arena, Pittsburgh, PA 4-26-13, Consol Energy Center, Pittsburgh, PA
10-14-14, Consol Energy Center, Pittsburgh, PA
11-1-18, PPG Paints Arena, Pittsburgh, PA
Stevie Nicks concert:
7-6-01, Post-Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA
Please do not share this information with Elon Musk, former President Donald J. Trump, employees of Etsy, employees of Signal, and/or Martha Stewart.
Last week, Dee Snider the lead singer of Twisted Sister, was interviewed by the Super Genius Mark Madden for his radio show. Great stuff. They shared rock'n'roll memories of the late 80's and talked about his recent cameo appearance in season 3 of the Netflix Cobra Kai series.
During the interview, Snider divulged something a little cringe worthy. Back in the day, they were playing a concert in a mid-sized shed on the secondary arena market (Toledo, Des Moines, etc.). The band's totally rocking out and the entire crowd is up on their feet... head banging, devil horns, screaming their collective brains out, etc. Well except for this one small section in the arena. All of them refuse to stand up. So Dee Snider calls them out. And starts heckling them from the stage. He even gets the lighting guy to shine the spotlight on this specific section. Snider is incensed by their non-participation and fumes off the stage.
He's greeted by his manager who yells, "Dude, what the fuck is wrong with you?" Snider replies, "That one section just won't stand up!" His manager fires back, "Dee, that's the handicapped section!"
Anyway, here's an obligatory contrasting picture of Dee Snider and the smug Orange Prolapse who could leasily qualify as mentally handicapped.
Mister Sister sonofsaf
Mister Sister Oh you’re gonna cum And it’s gonna be a ton of fun Cuz you are gay Who you blowing What you sucking for Using those toys Don't need no batteries to screw You Jew
He’s kosher and Salami is right No ham for you tonight It’s not as if you’ll fight
Blow job go You're throbbing and can’t last And cum is hurrying It’s very fast Today you’re gay Mister Sister Don’t you have a wife Would she give it up I heard she is a Jew A Jew A Jew yeah
He’s kosher and Salami is right Some ham for you tonight And bacon sounds so right
He’s kosher and Salami is right No ham for you tonight It’s not as if you’ll fight
He’s kosher and Salami is right No ham for you tonight It’s not as if you’ll fight
He’s kosher and Salami is right No ham for you tonight It’s not as if you’ll fight
Mister Sister Oh you’re gonna cum And it’s gonna be a ton of fun Cuz you are gay But you're butt fucking Yeah butt fucking
Sister Christian Night Ranger
Oh the time has come And you know that you're the only one To say okay Where you going What you looking for You know those boys Don't want to play no more with you It's true
You're motoring What's your price for flight In finding mister right You'll be alright tonight
Babe, you know You're growing up so fast And mama's worrying That you won't last To say let's play Sister Christian There's so much in life Don't you give it up Before your time is due It's true It's true yeah
Motoring What's your price for flight You've got him in your sight And driving through the night
Motoring What's your price for flight In finding mister right You'll be alright tonight
Motoring What's your price for flight In finding mister right You'll be alright tonight
Motoring What's your price for flight In finding mister right You'll be alright tonight
Sister Christian Oh the time has come And you know that you're the only one To say okay But you're motoring Yeah motoring
Night Ranger concerts:
2-16-86, Civic Center, Wheeling, WV
8-27-11, First Niagara Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA
Please do not share this information with sports-radio journalist Mark Madden, singer Dee Snider, former President Donald Trump, and/or individuals who are gay and maintain a kosher diet.
The Steelers just promoted QB Coach Matt Canada. He's our new offensive coordinator.
This was probably the worst kept yinzer secret since it was speculated that Luke Ravenstahl once "partied" in the mayor's office.
Just for the record, if your season ends in a colossal disappointment, wouldn't it be a better idea to look outside the organization for a top tier position? I mean, there's 31 other NFL teams and basically an infinite number of NCAA coaches. Isn't it kind of naive to think... "oh yeah, the ideal candidate, the perfect person for the position... aw shucks, he was with us all along. He was right before our very own eyes.
Oh, maybe it's just me.
Matt Canada sonofsaf
Matt Canada A gnome shouts out and stands R.J. Dio love is all that we demand With burger parts and XL fries Buy me some strong coffee Main dish and side Matt Canada, just run the ball for me God take a stand, Columbian coffee Matt Canada, just run the ball for me Matt Canada, just run the ball for me
O Canada National Anthem
O Canada Our home and native land True patriot love in all of us command With glowing hearts we see thee rise The True North strong and free From far and wide O Canada, we stand on guard for thee God keep our land glorious and free O Canada, we stand on guard for thee O Canada, we stand on guard for thee
Please do not share this information with Steelers Offensive Coordinator Matt Canada, former Pittsburgh Mayor Luke Ravenstahl, the estate of Ronnie James Dio, consumers of fast food, and/or anyone who has ever sung the Canadian National Anthem.
Who the fuck is Marion Rounds? Well, he's a U.S. Senator from South Dakota. Customarily referred to as Mike Rounds. After all, who the hell is gonna vote for a tough guy conservative named Marion? Maybe a homosexual Tom Bosley. But that's about it. Hence the name change.
Wow! What a unique, ringing endorsement.
Rounds made a rare Sunday talk show appearance and claimed that the impeachment of the Orange Prolapse was "moot" because Trump no longer resides at the White House. Rounds must not have much respect for the authors of the Constitution. He's in good company with the other Sunday sycophants ... Marco Rubio, Tom Cotton... and of course, Josh Hawley and Ted Cruz (when they eventually summon the courage to speak again in public). Pathetic.
Try asking any of them the following question: What happens if Trump has another rally and decides to sick his mob on a specific location or group of people? What's the game plan? What happens if more people get killed and injured. Are you okay with that?
Anyhoo, a pathetic Senator is worthy of a pathetic parody. Merry-Go-Round off the earliest Motley Crue album Too Fast For Love sure fits the bill. Filler material of the highest order.
Marion Rounds sonofsaf
Trump and him gonna pray today With the Marion Rounds and Rounds Mounting crimes deals of shade can’t see the light stinkin' Up this D.C. town now Up this D.C. town Up this D.C. town now, oh!
It's not easy marchin’ single file Bought and sold, by the pound South Dakota is a state far on the right stinkin’ He is just so wrong now No testosterone He is just so wrong now, oh!
Marion Rounds and Rounds Marion Rounds and Rounds Marion Rounds and Rounds Marion Rounds and Rounds Marion Rounds and Rounds Marion Rounds and Rounds Marion Rounds and Rounds Marion Rounds and Rounds Marion Rounds and Rounds Marion Rounds and Rounds Marion Rounds and Rounds
Trump and him gonna pray today With the Marion Rounds and Rounds Mounting crimes deals of shade can’t see the light stinkin' Up this D.C. town now Up this D.C. town Up this D.C. town now, oh!
Marion Rounds and Rounds Marion Rounds and Rounds Marion Rounds and Rounds Marion Rounds and Rounds Marion Rounds and Rounds Marion Rounds and Rounds Marion Rounds and Rounds Marion Rounds and Rounds Marion Rounds and Rounds Marion Rounds and Rounds Marion Rounds and Rounds
Marion Rounds and Rounds Marion Rounds and Rounds Marion Rounds and Rounds Marion Rounds and Rounds Marion Rounds and Rounds Marion Rounds and Rounds Marion Rounds and Rounds Marion Rounds and Rounds Marion Rounds and Rounds
South Dakota’s a state far on the right stinkin’ No testosterone
Merry-Go-Round Motley Crue
You know he's gotta get away To the merry-go-round and round Count the times that he laid awake at night thinkin' Am I goin' down now Am I goin' down Am I goin' down now, oh!
It's not easy puttin' on a smile You're alone, lost and found She waits at home just to love him through the night thinkin' He's been gone so long now Is he comin' home? He's been gone so long now, oh!
Merry-go-round and round Merry-go-round and round Merry-go-round and round Merry-go-round and round Merry-go-round and round Merry-go-round and round Merry-go-round and round Merry-go-round and round Merry-go-round and round Merry-go-round and round Merry-go-round and round
You know he's gotta get away To the merry-go-round and round Count the times that he laid awake at night thinkin' Am I goin' down now Am I goin' down Am I goin' down now, oh!
Merry-go-round and round Merry-go-round and round Merry-go-round and round Merry-go-round and round Merry-go-round and round Merry-go-round and round Merry-go-round and round Merry-go-round and round Merry-go-round and round Merry-go-round and round Merry-go-round and round
Merry-go-round and round Merry-go-round and round Merry-go-round and round Merry-go-round and round Merry-go-round and round Merry-go-round and round Merry-go-round and round Merry-go-round and round Merry-go-round and round
Waits at home just to love him through the night thinkin' I'm coming home babe
Motley Crue concerts:
7-26-87, Buckeye Lake Music Center, Thornville, OH 7-31-87, Civic Arena, Pittsburgh, PA 8-30-05, Post-Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA 8-31-08, Post-Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA 8-16-09, Post-Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA 9-2-12, First Niagara Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA 8-13-14, First Niagara Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA
Do not share this information with Senator Marion Rounds (R-SD), ex-president Donald J. Trump, and/or members of Motley Crue.
Gotta love our Lt. Governor John Fetterman (D-PA). With a national political climate grounded in calculated waffling, deliberate indifference, and blatant lies... Fetterman takes the alternative approach. He just tells it like it is.
John, as you consider a run for U.S. Senate, lemme take the opportunity to remind you of my t-shirt idea. It's based on the late 1980's style heavy metal concert t-shirt. On the front, in the upper right hand corner, would be the outline of the state of Pennsylvania. One word inside the outline --- FETTERMAN. Stick with your standard font. No mention of the year or political office. Brand yourself above and beyond the traditional political garb.
But my idea is for a series of "touring shirts." Black shirt, white print. The logo on the front remains the same. Information on the back would vary.
The main shirt would have an extensive list of Pennsylvania towns and cities, both large and small. The other would be PA sports franchises, collegiate and professional. And the other one would consist of notable landmarks and iconic locations. The theory of it all being in the form of a "to-do" checklist. Encouraging people to get out there and explore the Keystone state, support Pennsylvania businesses, and contribute to the economic recovery. In essence, using tourism and monetary recirculation to help build our state's economy back in a post-Covid world.
The whole premise is grounded in the notion that Fetterman's a populist who has frequented every nook and cranny of the state. Think in terms of a "yinzer political Thomas' English Muffin."
Use the entire line of t-shirts as a fundraising mechanism for the campaign and a select charity, preferably Gisele's Free Store.
Similar to the Bernie Sanders sweatshirts where proceeds went to support
the Vermont Meals on Wheels program.
Dedicated to the guy below. Thanks for the memories. (10-7-15, outside PNC Park, MLB Wildcard game: Cubs 4 Pirates 0).
Fetterman sonofsaf
Livin’, here in Braddock To Harrisburg, he’s gonna hop PA, we adore He’s always within reach An apple to the core, a turnover Won’t bend too deep, never a pushover
Eagles, but know he’s a Steelers fan We got the Fetterman He screams for justice, he’ll wake the dead We got the Fetterman We got the Fetterman We got the Fetterman Oh
The elf on a shelf He sees John’s head not in photos He tells himself Build it back, with hair cut can’t go wrong Still waiting for the mullet to come back strong Shakin’ up shit, does not wear a thong
Eagles, but know he’s a Steelers fan We got the Fetterman He screams for justice, he’ll wake the dead We got the Fetterman He drives and walks our state from within We got the Fetterman He screams for justice, he’ll wake the dead We got the Fetterman We got the Fetterman We got the Fetterman
We love him In PA, we want him to stay We’ll need him, yeah That's why he’ll be back again
We got the Fetterman (we got the Fetterman) We got the Fetterman (we got the Fetterman) We got the Fetterman (we got the Fetterman) We got the Fetterman
Better Man Pearl Jam
Waitin', watchin' the clock It's four o'clock, it's got to stop Tell him, take no more She practices her speech As he opens the door, she rolls over Pretends to sleep as he looks her over
She lies and says she's in love with him Can't find a better man She dreams in color, she dreams in red Can't find a better man Can't find a better man Can't find a better man Oh
Talking to herself There's no one else who needs to know She tells herself Memories back when she was bold and strong And waiting for the world to come along Swears she knew him, now she swears he's gone
She lies and says she's in love with him Can't find a better man She dreams in color, she dreams in red Can't find a better man She lies and says she still loves him Can't find a better man She dreams in color, she dreams in red Can't find a better man Can't find a better man Can't find a better man
She loved him, yeah She don't want to leave this way She feeds him, yeah That's why she'll be back again
Can't find a better man (can't find a better man) Can't find a better man (can't find a better man) Can't find a better man (can't find a better man) Can't find a better man
Pearl Jam Concerts:
8-25-98, Star Lake Amphitheater, Burgettstown, PA 9-5-00, Post-Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA 9-28-05, PNC Park, Pittsburgh, PA (opened for the Rolling Stones) 6-23-06, Mellon Arena, Pittsburgh, PA 10-27-09, Wachovia Spectrum, Philadelphia, PA 10-28-09, Wachovia Spectrum, Philadelphia, PA 5-6-10, Nationwide Arena, Columbus, OH 5-9-10, Quicken Loans Arena, Cleveland, OH 10-11-13, Consol Energy Center, Pittsburgh, PA 10-1-14, U.S. Bank Arena, Cincinnati, OH 9-26-15, Central Park, New York City, NY (Global Citizen Festival) 4-28-16, Wells Fargo Center, Philadelphia, PA 4-29-16, Wells Fargo Center, Philadelphia, PA
Please do not share this information with Lt. Governor John Fetterman (D-PA), Senator Bernie Sanders (D-VT), Eagles fans, Steelers fans, Braddock residents, musician Eddie Vedder, and/or those who consume Thomas' English Muffins.
This morning, I watched a very heated exchange between Senator Rand Paul (R-KY) and George Stephanopoulos on the weekly ABC Sunday Morning Hullabalooza. Rand was both testy and zesty... to say the least. My hunch is that he has learned an invaluable lesson from the Orange Prolapse. After all, over the last four years, the rules of the game have changed. Absolutely ANYONE can act like a complete douchebag, asshole, urinary blizzard, excremental piece of shit. The precedent was set by the president.
So back in 2017, an old geezer neighbor beat the living shit outta Rand Paul while he was mowing his lawn. What's peculiar is that they both lived in a very prestigious, gated community. Not the kinda place you'd expect to see a UFC ground and pound throw down. Rand ended up having 6 broken ribs and a small section of his lung removed. And of course, the obligatory neck brace. Crutches too (not pictured).
(E-gad! Looks like my buddy Hostile Golfer)
Dedicated to Rand Paul. Stand tall... you conniving Trumper bitch.
Rand Paul sonofsaf
Never knew a Jew Never had a milkshake at Steak’n’Shake But then again, my neighbor left my ribs so sore
The grass clippings blowed Onto the property he was cleaning He’s just so holier than thou, it’s time to settle the score
Rand Paul, don't you brawl oh, didn’t know you were a nudist You're kneeling and you cannot run, you’re curly hair has dried Rand Paul, show your balls. Didn’t know you were a masturbator You're kneeling and you cannot run, you’re curly hair has dried
Shouldn’t have worn that thong My crack and such - was good and plenty I just can't believe his name was Rene Boucher
Sometimes there’s a fight When we watch old episodes of The Sopranos I'd cut off Ralphie’s head and bury it and pray
Rand Paul, don't you brawl oh, didn’t know you were a nudist You're kneeling and you cannot run, you’re curly hair has dried Boucher’s take down lost some lung for ya, Rene Rand Paul, show your balls. Didn’t know you were a masturbator You're kneeling and you cannot run, you’re curly hair has dried
Stand Tall Burton Cummings
Never been this blue Never knew the meaning of a heartache But then again, I've never lost at love before
Somewhere down the road Maybe all these years will find some meaning I just can't think about it now, or live 'em out anymore
Stand tall, don't you fall oh, don't go and do something foolish You're feeling it like everyone, it's silly human pride Stand tall, don't you fall. Don't go do something you'll regret later You're feeling it like everyone, it's silly human pride
Never lasted so long Or through so much - or through so many I just can't believe you could throw it all away
Sometimes late at night When there's nothing here except my old piano I'd almost give my hands to make you see my way
Stand tall, don't you fall oh, don't go and do something foolish You're feeling it like everyone, it's silly human pride; You got me down on my knees for ya, mama Stand tall, don't you fall. Don't go do something you'll regret later You're feeling it like everyone, it's silly human pride
Never seen Burton Cummings in concert. And I doubt I ever will.
Please do not share this information with Senator Rand Paul (R-KY), former President Donald J. Trump, assailant Rene Boucher, Joe Pantoliano, and/or patrons of Steak'n'Shake (which my wife happens to hate). Just for the record, as far as the major fast food chains go, I think Steak'n'Shake is pretty damn good.
One of my all-time favorite metal bands will always be San Francisco bay area thrashers Death Angel. Still going strong. I have fond memories of partying on their tour bus following their 1988 crushing performance at Bogart's in Cincy. I was walking down the alley with the drummer, both of us drinking a bottle of Corona, and he confided in me... "Hey man, I gotta be careful with this shit. I don't wanna get busted for underage drinking. I'm only fifteen."
And I'll never forget the Mind Rape opener from the Frolic Through the Park tour. It was a combination of many things: the casual stage entrance, the sudden burst of raw energy, and of course, the emergence of the pit. All of it literally blew my mind. Thirty two years ago. But some memories are inescapable.
They truly believe That he is Jesus Christ As their bodies are raped Of their minds
I can say with a pretty high degree of certainty that nobody has ever parodied a Death Angel tune. Until now!
This one goes out to Trump fanatic, conservative fringer, far right winger, Dr. Kelli Ward, the Arizona RNC Chairperson. Go figure that she's originally from Fairmont, West Virginia. Got her medical degree at WVU. Kinda figures that it was osteopathic in nature. The well-being and natural healing of bones, joints, muscles... everything but the brain. Because this woman is sheer mental. She just announced the censure of Governor Doug Ducey (R-AZ), ex-Senator Jeff Flake (R-AZ) and Cindy McCain who isn't even an elected politician. Their crime? Well, they won't go on the record and proudly declare their unabashed love and affection for the Orange Prolapse. Come to think of it, she should probably censure me as well.
She lives in Lake Havasu a couple hours up the road from Phoenix. Isn't that where MTV used to host Spring Break? Yep, sounds about right. If you're in the neighborhood, tell her I said hi. At the very least, drive by her house and blare some Death Angel.
3619 Desert Rose Lane Lake Havasu City, AZ 86404
Ward sonofsaf
Ducey and Jeff Flake Cindy too for goodness sake They’re censured and not well Rhinos need to burn in hell
Splitting votes herself Wheeling strife and dealing strife But after killing spree Donald Trump still won't concede
She’s Ward
Riots are quite rare Donald Trump’s a cross to bear The lack of honesty This trip of Ward’s an odyssey
Bloodshed they forget She tries her best to dispell the threat Ignoring all the crime To be impeached Trump’s a Frankenstein
She’s Ward
Bored Death Angel
Guilty of no crime Not enough yet too much time I'm burning in this hell Plans to buy and dreams to sell
Sitting by myself Living life and loving life But something bothers me What to do I can't believe
I'm bored Life it's not so fair Nothing here and nothing there I'm waiting constantly It's not the way life's meant to be
Boredom starts to set I try so hard but it's all I get Keep waiting all the time I think I've reached The end of the line
I'm bored
Death Angel concerts:
9-23-88, Bogart’s, Cincinnati, OH 11-17-11, Stage AE, Pittsburgh, PA 9-15-16, Stage AE, Pittsburgh, PA 4-27-19, Rex Theater, Pittsburgh, PA
Do not share this information with Dr. Kelli Ward, Governor Doug Ducey (R-AZ), Senator Jeff Flake (R-AZ), Cindy McCain, former President Donald J. Trump, members of Death Angel, and/or those who drink Corona.
My fourth and likely final parody about Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY). At least for the time being. As the impeachment trial of the Orange Prolapse takes shape in early February, I'll consider revisiting 'ol Mitch.
Dedicated to Julia Louis-Dreyfus and her favorite song... Witchy Woman. Correctly referred to as "Witch-hay Woman."
Mitchy Lookin’ sonofsaf
Silver hair and cracking lips Suffers from two broken hips Senate choices cause a fight Take it to the limit he’s so pale and white
Woohoo, Mitchy lookin’ Stallin’ bills he tries Woohoo, Mitchy lookin’ Will that old prune ever die?
He stands his ground with all his might Does not oppose the extreme right Needs a pastor hey maybe on Zoom As he takes his Metamucil with a tablespoon
Woohoo, Mitchy lookin’ Stallin’ bills he tries Woohoo, Mitchy lookin’ Will that old prune ever die?
Well, I know you’re undercover Mike Pence has a mother She's been sleeping with the Mitch instead And all that cancer makes you frown Tumors will abound Don’t you worry anymore cuz they’ll all soon be dead
Woohoo, Mitchy lookin’ Stallin’ bills he tries Woohoo, Mitchy lookin’ Will that old prune ever die?
Witchy Woman Eagles
Raven hair and ruby lips Sparks fly from her fingertips Echoed voices in the night She's a restless spirit on an endless flight
Woohoo, witchy woman See how high she flies Woohoo, witchy woman She got the moon in her eye
She held me spellbound in the night Dancing shadows and firelight Crazy laughter in another room And she drove herself to madness with a silver spoon
Woohoo, witchy woman See how high she flies Woohoo, witchy woman She got the moon in her eye
Well, I know you want a lover Let me tell you brother She's been sleeping in the Devil's bed And there's some rumors going round Someone's underground She can rock you in the night time 'til your skin turns red
Woohoo, witchy woman See how high she flies Woohoo, witchy woman She got the moon in her eye
Eagles Concert:
8-15-94, Star Lake Amphitheatre, Burgettstown, PA
Please do not share this information with Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY), ex-President Donald Trump, former Vice President Mike Pence, Pence's mother-wife, members of The Eagles, and/or actress Julia Louis-Dreyfus.
For those unfamiliar with the man, he owned the all-time MLB home run record. Well, until a juiced up Barry Bonds asterisked his ass. If memory serves me correct, instead of MVP, Bonds was once given the title "MDP" during his time with the Pirates organization. "Most Despised Pirate."
Transition: Out of all the bands I've seen, and as many times as Yes has played the Burgh, you'd think I would've seen 'em. Incorrect.
When I was a kid, there was a YES motel in Elm Grove. The fluorescent "YES" billboard shone brightly over I-70. I happened to live right up the road. They even had a marquee outside the modular complex that read:
COLOR TV
PHONE-IN-ROOM
AIR CONDITIONING
REFRIGERATOR BAR
Whenever I walked by, I'd always quietly think to myself... man, wish I could book a room there. I was 10.
Aaron sonofsaf
Pitches to the left of me Pitches to the right Hit when you have a chance Hit the ball outta site Baseball can be giving Except winning via scores Khalifa’s first name is Wiz Aaron liked to drink Coors
All of the spectators Spendin’ all that green Champagne toast bottoms up Flattering the teams Hank was not a pervert Definitely not a Jew Scotch! Is best when it’s Dewars Home runs it’s all about you
Aaron, Aaron Hate, a bat is gangster Swinging’ at you Aaron, Aaron Hate, break the mind
Not a Jew No! He can’t pray with you Aaron, Aaron Reform form of Jew Aaron, Aaron Reform form of Jew They hate you
Bullshit all the while Such you can’t deny All of the owners and their rapacity Castrate off their balls Sperm is their downfall How we frown upon vicious mendacity Ground meat by the pound Ground beef to be browned We dine with depravity Bake - We bake with lard What makes us so proud Merely speech The results of paternity We believe in paternity
Aaron, Aaron Hate! Break his mind Reform form of Jew They hate you Aaron, Aaron Hate! It’s the last dance Reform form of Jew Not kosher for you
Aaron, Aaron - Aaron, Aaron Reform - Form of form of Jew Reform - Form of Jew Reform - Form of form of Jew Reform - For of Jew Reform - Form of - Form of Jew [Aaron - Aaron] Reform - Form of Jew [Hate - Break his mind] They hate you Reform - Form of - Form of Jew Aaron - Aaron Reform - Form of Jew Hate - A bat is gangster kosher for you
Hold On Yes
Justice to the left of you Justice to the right Speak when you are spoken to But don't pretend you're right This life's not for living It's for fighting and for wars No matter what the truth is Hold on to what is yours
Jigsaw puzzle traitors Set to spill the beans Constitution screw up Shattering the dreams Blood flows in the desert Dark citadels burning too Watch! Look over your shoulder This one is strictly for you
Hold on, Hold on Wait maybe the answer's Looking for you Hold on, Hold on Wait! Take you time Think it through Yes! I can make it through Hold on, Hold on Sunshine shine on through Hold on, Hold on Sunshine shine on you See it through
Talk the simple smile Such platonic eye How they drown in incomplete capacity Strangest of them all When the feeling calls How we drown in stylistic audacity Charge the common ground Round and round and round We living in gravity Shake - We shake so hard How we laugh so loud When we reach We believe in eternity I believe in eternity
Hold on, Hold on Wait! Take your time Sunshine shine on through See it through Hold on, Hold on Wait! Maybe a chance Sunshine shine on through Is looking for you
Hold on, Hold on - Hold on, Hold on Sunshine - Shine on shine on you Sunshine - Shine on through Sunshine - Shine on shine on through Sunshine - Shine on you Sunshine - Shine on - Shine on you [Hold on - Hold on] Sunshine - Shine on through [Wait - Take your time] See it through Sunshine - Shine on - Shine on through Hold on - Hold on Sunshine - Shine on you Wait - Maybe the answer's looking for you
Please do not share this information with the immediate family of Hank Aaron, Barry Bonds, Pittsburgh Pirates fans, members of the band Yes, rapper Wiz Khalifa, Dewars, Coors & champagne drinkers, and/or Jews.
Welcome to the third installment of the Mitch McConnell human turtle trilogy.
Dedicated to the guy who wore the white MC Hammer-oriented pants at Star Lake concerts. He used to juggle bowling pins at Star Lake near the back of the lawn and sometimes give out glow sticks.
I thoroughly enjoyed watching him perform while Elton John sang Rocket Man. If that makes me gay, so be it.
The Mitch is Whack sonofsaf
He’s Kentucky fried, not talkin’ jive Great disdain, when liberals cry Virus raging that you might contract But therapeutics gonna getcha cuz the Mitch is whack (No-no-no)
Ate Chao main today, outta site He eats Asian pussy when the time is right Titty fuck that chest with the nipple hooch She’s my cabinet squeezing the cum from her cooch (Ooh-ooh-ohh)
He’s the Mitch, He’s the Mitch, oh, the Mitch is whack Big time mumbler, with a face that’s so cracked He’s the Mitch, He’s the Mitch, legislatin’ for you It’s the way that he grooves, like a turtle or two, oh-oh-oh
He’ll strategize, it’s in his eyes Sold his soul, for chicken thighs The Senate blows, my God, yer fat? Oh, he’ll fuck you like a rabbit cuz the Mitch is whack (Oh-oh-oh)
He’s the Mitch, he’s the Mitch, oh, the Mitch is whack Big time mumbler, with a face that’s so cracked He’s the Mitch, he’s the Mitch, legislatin’ for you It’s the way that he grooves, like a turtle or two, oh-oh-oh
He’s the Mitch, he’s the Mitch, oh, the Mitch is whack Big time mumbler, with a face that’s so cracked He’s the Mitch, he’s the Mitch, legislatin’ for you It’s the way that he grooves, like a turtle or two, oh-oh-oh
Mitch, Mitch, Mitch is whack Mitch, Mitch, Mitch is whack Mitch, Mitch, Mitch is whack Mitch, Mitch, Mitch is whack Mitch, Mitch, Mitch is whack Mitch, Mitch, Mitch is whack Mitch, Mitch, Mitch is whack Mitch, Mitch, Mitch is whack
The Bitch is Back Elton John
I was justified when I was five Raising Cain, I spit in your eye Times are changing now the poor get fat But the fever's gonna catch you when the bitch gets back (Oh-oh-oh)
Eat meat on Friday, that's alright I even like steak on a Saturday night I can bitch the best at your social do's I get high in the evening sniffing pots of glue (Ooh-ooh-ooh)
I'm a bitch, I'm a bitch, oh, the bitch is back Stone-cold sober, as a matter of fact I can bitch, I can bitch 'cause I'm better than you It's the way that I move, the things that I do, oh-oh-oh
I entertain by picking brains Sell my soul by dropping names I don't like those, my God, what's that? Oh, it's full of nasty habits when the bitch gets back (Oh-oh-oh)
I'm a bitch, I'm a bitch, oh, the bitch is back Stone-cold sober, as a matter of fact I can bitch, I can bitch 'cause I'm better than you It's the way that I move, the things that I do, oh-oh-oh
I'm a bitch, I'm a bitch, oh, the bitch is back Stone-cold sober, as a matter of fact I can bitch, I can bitch 'cause I'm better than you It's the way that I move, the things that I do, oh-oh-oh
Bitch, bitch, bitch is back Bitch, bitch, bitch is back Bitch, bitch, bitch is back Bitch, bitch, bitch is back Bitch, bitch, bitch is back Bitch, bitch, bitch is back Bitch, bitch, bitch is back Bitch, bitch, bitch is back
Elton John concerts:
Elton John, 6-11-99, Star Lake Amphitheatre, Burgettstown, PA Elton John, 3-23-11, Consol Energy Center, Pittsburgh, PA Elton John, 9-18-12, Wesbanco Arena, Wheeling, WV Elton John, 10-10-18, PPG Paints Arena, Pittsburgh, PA
Please do not share this information with Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY), Ex-Secretary of the Department of Transportation Elaine Chao, Elton John, and/or those who routinely consume chicken chow mein.
There's a a few different versions of "Season of the Witch" with subtle lyrical changes along the way. Donovan, Lana Del Ray, Joan Jett, even Vanilla Fudge (my least favorite). Instead let's go with this live Robert Plant circa 2017.
Treason of the Mitch sonofsaf
I know Republicans blow The economy I know conservatives all blow So many silly sheeple for me They’re strange Deranged
Why do you mumble like a bitch Why do you mumble like a bitch Why do you mumble like a bitch Mmm-hmm, must be the treason of the Mitch Must be the treason of the Mitch, yeah Must be the treason of the Mitch
This party can’t get much older I see Cruz and Hawley They seek a hostile takeover Not older than me But they’re strange So deranged
Why do you mumble like a bitch Why do you mumble like a bitch, yeah Why does his groin and ballsack itch Oh no, must be the treason of the Mitch Must be the treason of the Mitch, yeah Must be the treason of the Mitch
Why do you mumble like a bitch Who’s gonna throw out the first pitch Why do his testicles itch Oh no, must be the treason of the Mitch Must be the treason of the Mitch Must be the treason of the Mitch We all blow
I know Republicans blow I see Cruz & Hawley I know conservatives all blow So many silly sheeple for me They’re strange So deranged
Why do you mumble like a bitch Why do you mumble like a bitch Who’s gonna throw out the first pitch Oh no, must be the treason of the Mitch Must be the treason of the Mitch, yeah Must be the treason of the Mitch We all blow We all blow
Season of the Witch Donovan
When I look out my window Many sights to see And when I look in my window So many different people to be That is strange So strange
You've got to pick up every stitch You've got to pick up every stitch You've got to pick up every stitch Mmm-hmm, must be the season of the witch Must be the season of the witch, yeah Must be the season of the witch
When I look over my shoulder What do you think I see? Some other cat lookin' over His shoulder at me And he's strange Sure is strange
You've got to pick up every stitch You've got to pick up every stitch, yeah Beatnicks are out to make it rich Oh no, must be the season of the witch Must be the season of the witch, yeah Must be the season of the witch
You've got to pick up every stitch The rabbits runnin' in the ditch Beatnicks out to make it rich Oh no, must be the season of the witch Must be the season of the witch Must be the season of the witch Where'd I go
When I look out my window What do you think I see And when I look in my window So many different people to be It's strange Sure is strange
You've got to pick up every stitch You've got to pick up every stitch The rabbits runnin' in the ditch Oh no, must be the season of the witch Must be the season of the witch, yeah Must be the season of the witch Where'd I go Where'd I go
Robert Plant:
3-25-95, Civic Arena, Pittsburgh, PA
Do not share this information with Donovan, Robert Plant, Lana Del Ray, Joan Jett, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY), Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX), Senator Josh Hawley (R-MO), people who commit treason, and/or those who consume fudge.
Yeah, I'm a few months early. But at least I got the date correct. Turtles ain't that bad. I have two fond memories of 'em.
A. I really like those Belmont Turtle Cheesecake twin packs from Aldi. Dirt cheap, good stuff. Two of the mysteries of the universe - why do locals call Aldi Aldis and Kroger Krogers?
B. Back in 1999, I actually got to hang out with the monster turtles in the Galapagos Islands. Had a great time in Ecuador. Well, except for that food poisoning incident near the end of the trip. Brutal.
But if there's one turtle out there responsible for crashing the internet, it's gotta be Senator Mitch McConnell (R-KY). Look at some of this shit. It's god-damn ubiquitous.
Now with a little modern cosmetic surgery, the possibilities are endless.
On second thought, maybe not.
My buddy "Fingercut" once proclaimed, "E, you can't polish a turd!" Of course, this was a veiled reference to an old clunker Buick he was working on. Not the former Senate Majority Leader.
But in honor of Turtle Day (admittedly 3 months early), let's do a Mitch parody trifecta. Starting with the best song and video of the past decade.
Dedicated to the new Senate Majority Leader, and fellow Jew, Chuck Schumer (D-NY).
Burn the Mitch sonofsaf
Pale and so shallow Like a marshmallow He is so fucked up
He has a low hanging testicle sack Sucks the dong of the gay cocks you know
Burn the Mitch Burn the Mitch Disabled to give
Heaps losses onto the poor Refuses to discern Licks assholes so able Political treason Avoid all eye contact Fake news redact Feel the wrath incurred
He has a low hanging testicle sack Suck the dong of Mike Pence he blows
Burn the Mitch Burn the Mitch
Disabled to give Disabled to give
Burn the Witch Radiohead
Stay in the shadows Cheer at the gallows This is a round up
This is a low flying panic attack Sing a song on the jukebox that goes
Burn the witch Burn the witch We know where you live
Red crosses on wooden doors And if you float you burn Loose talk around tables Abandon all reason Avoid all eye contact Do not react Shoot the messengers
This is a low flying panic attack Sing the song of sixpence that goes
Burn the witch Burn the witch
We know where you live We know where you live
Radiohead concerts:
8-8-01, Blossom Music Center, Cuyahoga Falls, OH
7-26-18, PPG Paints Arena, Pittsburgh, PA
Do not share this information with Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY), Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY), Radiohead fans, Aldi & Kroger employees, and/or people who seek out a small caged pet and end up purchasing a turtle (just a really peculiar choice).
Ten years ago, a 13 year old girl from Irvine, California released a song that fundamentally changed the entire music industry. Rebecca Black was on top of the world with a song called "Friday." The song tells the riveting story of a teenage girl who wakes up, goes downstairs, has a bowl of cereal, and then heads to the school bus stop. But then, out of nowhere, the narrative totally explodes. She sees her friends drive by and has a vigorous internal debate about whether to sit in the front seat or hop in the back. Curiously, none of kids appear to be of legal driving age. Also, they seem dangerously oblivious to the notion of wearing seat belts. From a distracted driving perspective, the song's a complete nightmare. Regardless it's Friday and the weekend is upon them. This vividly translates to partying, fun, and miscellaneous excitement.
The song itself was one of the most challenging parodies I've ever attempted. Probably due to the lyrical fragmentation and all-purpose sheer stupidity. Not to mention the abysmal lack of any coherent rhyme scheme. Still, I gave it a shot. This song itself was so annoyingly atrocious that Rebecca Black started getting death threats... and was forced into hiding. In many ways, the song's way ahead of its time. As in the political equivalent of Q-Anon.
We generally don't dine at chain restaurants like TGI Friday's. We prefer to patronize the more authentic mom & pop restaurants. Although I must say, their restrooms do provide a nice "go-to" urinal before any event at PPG Paints Arena. But if you're looking for that "diamond in the rough" restroom inside the arena... use the lower entrance and immediately veer to your right. There's a family restroom that NOBODY ever uses. It's both pristine and spotless. Seriously, you could eat maple walnut ice cream from the toilets.
Dedicated to the employees of TGI Friday's. Feel free to serenade your manager with this alternative rendition.
Friday’s sonofsaf
Yeah, (Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ark) Oo-ooh-ooh, hoo yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah Yeah-ah-ah Yeah-ah-ah Yeah-ah-ah Yeah-ah-ah Yeah, yeah, yeah Armageddon, tweeting out with a warning Gotta eat flesh, gotta go prepare Gotta smoke a bowl, anti-bacterial Suckin’ every dick, your cock I’m blowin’ Stick it in and out, everybody's fuckin’ Gotta get on suicide watch Gotta wonder when this song will end (will end)
Lickin’ up the crab meat Fuckin’ all the dark meat Gotta know what’s for sup Which meat for Christ sake
We’re Friday’s, Friday’s Gotta sit down at Friday’s Everybody's throwin’ upward off the deep end, deep end Friday’s, Friday’s Gotta sit down at Friday’s Everybody's throwin’ upward off the deep end
Vomitin’, Vomitin’ (Yeah) Vomitin’, vomitin’ (Yeah) Puke, puke, puke, puke Throwin’ upward off the deep end
Bee Gees stay alive, we're drivin' in the driveway - Maybe at last, I want us to die Death, death, medium done You know what it is I cluck it, you buck it My friend is by my right, ay I got this, you got this Now you know it
Lickin’ up the crab meat Fuckin’ all the dark meat Gotta know what’s for sup Which meat for Christ sake
We’re Friday’s, Friday’s Gotta sit down at Friday’s Everybody's throwing’ upward off the deep end, deep end Friday’s, Friday’s Gotta sit down at Friday’s Everybody's throwin’ upward off the deep end
Vomitin’, Vomitin’ (Yeah) Vomitin’, vomitin’ (Yeah) Puke, puke, puke, puke Throwin’ upward off the deep end
Don’t eat from the buffet, buffet We pray a-at Friday’s, Friday’s (Vomitin') You- you-you just can’t fight it Just can’t fight it We’ll kick you in the balls and pray
Peed myself Saturday And Sunday shitting my pants Don’t wanna have to wear Depends
S-C, smokin’ up crack So steakin’ up the ground meat (up the ground meat) In the back seat (In the back seat) - I'm grillin’, chillin’ (Yeah, yeah) No brains, Puddin’ Taine Take my homies for a ride (Woo!) (C'mon) Cashin’ all those welfare checks from HUD to me Use tik tok, tik tok, JuJu dream Check out time, it's Friday’s, off the deep end We’re gonna all cum, cum on, cum on, y'all
It's Friday, Friday Gotta get down on Friday Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend, weekend Friday, Friday Gettin' down on Friday Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend Partyin', partyin' (Yeah) Partyin', partyin' (Yeah) Fun, fun, fun, fun Lookin' forward to the weekend
We’re Friday’s, Friday’s Gotta sit down at Friday’s Everybody's throwing’ upward off the deep end, deep end Friday’s, Friday’s Gotta sit down at Friday’s Everybody's throwin’ upward off the deep end Vomitin’, Vomitin’ (Yeah) Vomitin’, vomitin’ (Yeah) Puke, puke, puke, puke Throwin’ upward off the deep end
Friday Rebecca Black
Yeah, (Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ark) Oo-ooh-ooh, hoo yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah Yeah-ah-ah Yeah-ah-ah Yeah-ah-ah Yeah-ah-ah Yeah, yeah, yeah Seven a.m., waking up in the morning Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal Seein' everything, the time is goin' Tickin' on and on, everybody's rushin' Gotta get down to the bus stop Gotta catch my bus, I see my friends (My friends)
Kickin' in the front seat Sittin' in the back seat Gotta make my mind up Which seat can I take?
It's Friday, Friday Gotta get down on Friday Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend, weekend Friday, Friday Gettin' down on Friday Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend
Partyin', partyin' (Yeah) Partyin', partyin' (Yeah) Fun, fun, fun, fun Lookin' forward to the weekend
7: 45, we're drivin' on the highway Cruisin' so fast, I want time to fly Fun, fun, think about fun You know what it is I got this, you got this My friend is by my right, ay I got this, you got this Now you know it
Kickin' in the front seat Sittin' in the back seat Gotta make my mind up Which seat can I take?
It's Friday, Friday Gotta get down on Friday Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend, weekend Friday, Friday Gettin' down on Friday Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend
Partyin', partyin' (Yeah) Partyin', partyin' (Yeah) Fun, fun, fun, fun Lookin' forward to the weekend
Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday Today i-is Friday, Friday (Partyin') We-we-we so excited We so excited We gonna have a ball today
Tomorrow is Saturday And Sunday comes after wards I don't want this weekend to end
R-B, Rebecca Black So chillin' in the front seat (In the front seat) In the back seat (In the back seat) I'm drivin', cruisin' (Yeah, yeah) Fast lanes, switchin' lanes Wit' a car up on my side (Woo!) (C'mon) Passin' by is a school bus in front of me Makes tick tock, tick tock, wanna scream Check my time, it's Friday, it's a weekend We gonna have fun, c'mon, c'mon, y'all
It's Friday, Friday Gotta get down on Friday Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend, weekend Friday, Friday Gettin' down on Friday Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend Partyin', partyin' (Yeah) Partyin', partyin' (Yeah) Fun, fun, fun, fun Lookin' forward to the weekend
It's Friday, Friday Gotta get down on Friday Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend, weekend Friday, Friday Gettin' down on Friday Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend Partyin', partyin' (Yeah) Partyin', partyin' (Yeah) Fun, fun, fun, fun Lookin' forward to the weekend
I've never seen Rebecca Black live in concert. Then again, I don't spend a lot of time, hangin' at the mall in Paramus, New Jersey. Or watching the USA Teen Choice Awards. Or contemplating suicide.
Please do not share this information with "musician" Rebecca Black, TGI Friday's employees, and/or cast members of the Sopranos.
