#591. Michael Parson

What more can be said about Missouri Governor Michael Parson that hasn't already been said?  Well, perhaps a unified, closing description is in order.  Asshole.

 

Parson gets formally acquainted with the Orange Prolapse.

 

Michael Parson
sonofsaf

Coup d’etats are so wild
Coup d’états what you’ve got
I am your Governor Michael Parson
Critical race will fuck you
And you won’t thrive
Gonna lie now
I know the voters mind you

Stop the steal, the big lie
Stop and feel, in denial
I wanna lick Donald’s bulging prolapse
And all those that follow
Not gonna learn
Learn to take a bow
Bust the hymen to fuck you

Coup d’états are just so wild
Coup d’états just what you’ve got
Bitch Teresa is my wife
And I won’t muff dive

Learn, learn, learn
Learn I’m Michael Parson clown
Learn, learn, learn
Learn I’m Michael Parson syndrome down

Stop the steal you will die
Spill the blood
Will you try
I am your Governor Michael Parson
Critical race will fuck you
And you won’t thrive
Gonna lie now
I know the voters don’t mind you

Coup d’états are just so wild
Coup d’états just what you’ve got
Bitch Teresa is my wife
And I won’t muff dive
Learn, learn, learn
Learn I’m Michael Parson clown
Learn, learn, learn
Learn I’m Michael Parson syndrome down

Wicked Garden
Stone Temple Pilots

Can you see like a child?
Can you see what I want?
I wanna run through your wicked garden
Heard that's the place to find you
'Cause I'm alive
So alive now
I know the darkness blinds you

Can you see without eyes?
Can you speak without lies?
I wanna drink from your naked fountain
I can drown your sorrows
I'm gonna burn
Burn you to life now
Out of the chains that bind you

Can you see just like a child?
Can you see just what I want?
Can I bring you back to life?
Are you still alive?

Burn, burn, burn
Burn your wicked garden down
Burn, burn, burn
Burn your wicked garden to the ground

Can you feel pain inside?
Can you love?
Can you cry?
I wanna run through your wicked garden
Heard that's the place to find you
But I'm alive
So alive now
I know the darkness blinds you

Can you see just like a child?
Can you see just what I want?
Can I bring you back to life?
Are you still alive?
Burn, burn, burn
Burn your wicked garden down
Burn, burn, burn
Burn your wicked garden to the ground

Stone Temple Pilots:

5-29-00, Post-Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA (X-Fest)

Dunkle and I helped torch several piles of lawn chairs and then danced around the flaming stacks like wild Injuns.

Please do not share this material with Governor Michael Parson (R-MO).

#590. Mike Parson

Show Me State Governor Mike Parson showed us his true color (white) by issuing a pardon to the notorious gun wielding McCloskey duo.  

Pinky Izod here taking fashion tips from the 2017 Charlottesville white supremacists.  Blood and Soil!  Jews will not replace us!

 

Look like Mark and Patricia McCloskey are defending their 30 million net worth... by any means possible.  Hey, crowds of more than 10 black people can be downright terrifying.  Well, unless it's the St. Louis Rams.  Er uh, Los Angeles Rams. 

Mike Parson
sonofsaf

Parson’s pardons that he’s giving
Missouri ain’t much fun
Leavin’ black people numb
Bullshit

Parson’s pardons that he’s giving
Missouri ain’t much fun
He plays with tomorrow’s sadness
Leavin’ black people numb

Whoo, Mike Parson
Whoo, Mike Parson

Parson believes he is witty
Has the mindset of a Jew
And though we know he’s so shitty
He’ll take a dump on you too, no

Whoo, Mike Parson
Whoo, Mike Parson

Parson’s pardons that he’s giving
Missouri ain’t much fun
He plays with tomorrow’s sadness
Leavin’ black people numb
Whoo, Mike Parson, yeah
Whoo, Mike Parson

Black Diamond
Kiss

Out on the street for a living
Picture's only begun
Got you under their thumb
Hit it

Out on the streets for a living
Picture's only begun
Your day is sorrow and madness
Got you under their thumb

Whoo, black diamond
Whoo, black diamond

Darkness will fall on the city
It seems to follow you too
And though you don't ask for pity
There's nothin' that you can do, no

Whoo, black diamond
Whoo, black diamond

Out on the streets for a living
Picture's only begun
Your day is sorrow and madness
Got you under their thumb
Whoo, black diamond, yeah
Whoo, black diamond

Kiss:

3-27-97, Civic Center, Wheeling, WV

5-26-00, Post-Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA

8-21-03, Post-Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA

7-4-04, Post-Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA

12-13-09, Mellon Arena, Pittsburgh, PA

7-29-10, First Niagara Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA

9-2-12, First Niagara Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA

8-24-14, First Niagara Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA

8-26-16, Covelli Centre, Youngstown, OH

3-30-19, PPG Paints Arena, Pittsburgh, PA

Please do not share this material with Governor Mike Parson (R-MO).

#589. Lamb On

Although I'm totally on board with Lt. Governor John Fetterman (D-PA), I must admit, it would be intriguing to watch a Pixburgh-styled rematch of Conor Lamb and Sean Parnell... but on a statewide level. 

Mostly because the Orange Prolapse would endorse Parnell... and likely lose... again.  However, it'd be a bonanza for Senator Bob Casey as he's longer be referred to as the "dullest" politician in the Keystone state.

 

Lamb On
sonofsaf

Lamb on, Pennsylvania wait and see
Goon, he’s not gay, he’s not gay

But he’s cuming now, he’s cuming
But he’s cuming now, now, lady

 

Ram On
Paul & Linda McCartney

Ram on, give your heart to somebody
Soon, right away, right away

Who's that coming now, they're coming
Who's that coming now, now, baby? 

Paul McCartney:

2-12-90, Riverfront Coliseum, Cincinnati, OH

4–29-02, Gund Arena, Cleveland, OH

8-18-10, Consol Energy Center, Pittsburgh, PA

7-7-14, Consol Energy Center, Pittsburgh, PA

I've never listened to this song.  And I have zero future intentions of hearing it whatsoever.

Please do not share this material with Conor Lamb (D-PA).

 

#588. Conor

Even his signs are dull.  Meh.

Once a year, I think all members of the United States Senate should be required to dress up like Kiss.  Mitch McConnell, John Tester, Mazie Hirono, all of 'em.  Preferably on Halloween but I'd settle for Trump's birthday (June 14).  Could serve as a nice distraction for any token celebration designated for the Orange Prolapse. 

 

Conor
sonofsaf

He blows a dick or two without her
He blows the BBC don’t ask why
He’ll take it up the ass without fear
He’s not a sham, it’s the big lie

All of the guys say he has morning wood
And he’ll fuck you for the greater good
Conor

He raves about guns like a traitor
He thinks insurrections are wild
You suck his bone and he’ll say thank you, maybe
He prosecutes you charges filed

All of the guys say he has morning wood
And he’ll fuck you for the greater good
Conor

He blows a dick or two without her
He blows the BBC don’t ask why
He’ll take it up the ass without fear
He’s not a sham, it’s the big lie

All of the guys say he has morning wood
And he’ll fuck you for the greater good

Conor
Conor
Conor

Strutter
Kiss

I know a thing or two about her
I know she'll only make you cry
She'll let you walk the street beside her
But when she wants, she'll pass you by

Everybody says she's lookin' good
And the lady knows it's understood
Strutter

She wears her satins like a lady
She gets her way just like a child
You take her home and she says maybe, baby
She takes you down and drives you wild

Everybody says she's lookin' good
And the lady knows it's understood
Strutter

I know a thing or two about her
I know she'll only make you cry
She'll let you walk the street beside her
But when she wants, she'll pass you by

Everybody says she's lookin' good
And the lady knows it's understood

Strutter
Strutter
Strutter

 

Favorite Kiss songs:  Detroit Rock City & Black Diamond.  Not Strutter.  Looking forward to their "final" concert at Star Lake later this month (8-26-21).  I think they really mean it this time.  Although they did launch a farewell tour back in 2000.  Seen 'em 8 times since.

Kiss:

3-27-97, Civic Center, Wheeling, WV

5-26-00, Post-Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA

8-21-03, Post-Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA

7-4-04, Post-Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA

12-13-09, Mellon Arena, Pittsburgh, PA

7-29-10, First Niagara Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA

9-2-12, First Niagara Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA

8-24-14, First Niagara Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA

8-26-16, Covelli Centre, Youngstown, OH

3-30-19, PPG Paints Arena, Pittsburgh, PA

Please do not share this material with Conor Lamb (D-PA)

#587. Lamb

My second stab at parodying REM's smash hit "Stand."  A couple months ago, I released "Rand."  A relatively damning indictment of Kentucky Senator Rand Paul.

@ConorLambPA

I’m running for the Senate in Pennsylvania. We started today in Pittsburgh. We’ll be going all over the state in the next week & hope you follow along. This will be the most important race in the country. And we can win it together. 

 

Some free advice.  It's advisable to refrain from kissing babies during a Covid spike.

But hey there!  You wanna know something?  I'm from Pittsburgh.  He's speaking directly to me!  

 

I must concede.  Such a painfully uninteresting declaration is certainly in keeping with his milquetoast personality.  Kudos.  Way to stay focused.

Lamb
sonofsaf

Lamb has a leg he can give (Ass and Dork)
All of that ambition, Conor’s so full of shit
Lamb has a small ass can’t twerk (Stormy’s chest)
Really is a lifeless ‘sum bitch anyway senatorial

Hayley is a ho, Conor’s a whore.
He isn’t funny didn’t fight in a war
This man’s gonna lose to John Fetterman
’Cause Fetterman’s gonna beat Lamb

Lamb looks like a garden gnome (ass and dork)
God bless this great nation; stand up if you’re able
Lamb because he’s not a jerk (Stormy’s chest)
Thinks he’s kinda smart not that dumb - ain’t much of a non-kosher treat

Donald Trump’s a goon, Orange Prolapse clown
So goes the rumor his syndrome is down
His soul is bereft, there is no doubt
People they heckle he’s losing clout

Lamb in the garden of gnomes (asshole’s sore)
Dick’s for masturbation - they’re aren’t any others
Lamb is great if you should munch (Stormy’s chest)
How about we all get fucked up - Schumer’s the shit, do as your told

Now meat is your din but it’s not ground round
Drinking a cold one, chug it on down
Now pee, the urine, the golden liquid
The piss is there

Oh, Lamb (Lamb!)
Ass and dork
All of that ambition - Conor’s so full of shit
Lamb (Lamb!)
Stormy’s chest
Really is a lifeless ‘sum bitch anyway senator

Lamb has a leg he can give (he’s on tour)
Filibuster sickens, he’s a political flunkie (red meat!)
Lamb is an ass and a dork (you’ve confessed)
This election’s completely messed - that shank is a non-kosher treat

Lamb cannot shoot below par
Lamb white race in a golf car

Lamb cannot shoot below par
Lamb white race in a golf car

Oh, Lamb!

 

Spam
Weird Al Yankovic

Spam in the place where I live (Ham and Pork)
Think about nutrition, wonder what's inside it
Spam in my lunchbox at work (it's the best)
Really makes a darned good sandwich anyway you slice it at all

If you're running low, go to the store.
Carry some money to help you buy more
The tab is going to open the can
The can is there to hold in the Spam

Spam on the table at home (ham and pork)
Think about selection; are there different flavors?
Spam in my office at work (it's the best)
Think about the stuff it's made from- wonder if it's mystery meat

If you need a spoon, keep one around
Carry a thermos to help wash it down
Now if there's some left, don't just throw it out
Use it for spackle or bathroom grout

Spam in my pantry at home (have some more)
Think of expiration- better read the label
Spam- breakfast, dinner, or lunch (it's the best)
Think about the way it's pre-cooked- wonder if I'll just eat it cold

Now once you start in you can't put it down
Don't leave it sitting, or it'll turn brown
The key is going to open the tin
The tin is there to keep the Spam in

Oh, Spam (Spam!)
Ham and pork
Think about nutrition- wonder what's inside it
Spam (spam!)
It's the best
Really makes a darned good sandwich any way you slice it

Spam in the place where I live (have some more)
Think about addiction, wonder if I'm a junkie (let's eat!)
Spam in the place where I work (you're obsessed)
Think about the way is processed- wonder if it's some kind of meat

Spam in the back of my car
Spam anyplace that you are

Spam in the back of my car
Spam anyplace that you are

Oh, Spam!

 

I've never seen Weird Al Yankovic live in concert.  Since 1985, he has played the Burgh a grand total of 14 times.  He played the Superbowl of Country Music a/k/a Jamboree in the Hills back in 2000.  I watched most of the live broadcast on WTOV9.  Not surprisingly, the redneck crowd greeted the most prolific musical comedian of our time... with a steady stream of boos.

Please do not share this material with Conor Lamb (D-PA) and/or Weird Al Yankovic.

#586. Lamb!

Conor Lamb (D-PA) is not the most electrifying candidate in the Pennsylvania Senate Democratic primary.  The word "milquetoast" comes to mind.  As in bland and unflavored.  

Naturally, I conceived of a way for him to "spice up" his campaign.  Whenever he makes a campaign stop, I'd encourage his supporters to walk around and yell at each other.  A single word will suffice.

 

Lamb!
sonofsaf

Bam!
Emeril Lagasse

 

Call me crazy, but I really like the idea of random individuals walking around screaming at each other... in a city park, in a hotel lobby, while tailgating... "Lamb!"  Especially during a pandemic resurgence.

Always thought Emeril Lagasse had a decent shtick.  Pretty much single-handedly carried the Food Network during the early days.  I also enjoyed Iron Chef.  Yet found it peculiar how everyone felt compelled to fill the ice cream machine with unorthodox ingredients (squid ink, pureed asparagus, etc.).

Please do not share this material with Conor Lamb (D-PA).

#585. Conor Is A Little Lamb

So who's better?  Conor or Conner?

 or

Spoiler alert.  This question doesn't really have a correct answer.  Both of them trend pleasantly mediocre.  But I do know one thing.  If Representative Lamb shows up at Heinz Field wearing a personalized "Conor #30" jersey, I'm gonna spontaneously throw up on the statue of Art Rooney.

 

Conor Is A Little Lamb
sonofsaf

Conor is a little lamb
Little lamb, little lamb
Conor is a little lamb
He’s so pale white you know

Mary Had A Little Lamb
Unknown

Mary had a little lamb
Little lamb, little lamb
Mary had a little lamb
It's fleece was white as snow

From 1980-1990, Stevie Ray Vaughn and his band Double Trouble showed up in Pittsburgh 15 times.  Impressive.  Never saw him live.  However, in the past, I have chewed Double Bubble gum.  As far as the gum industry goes, I could take it or leave it.  Quickly loses it's flavor.  And then the chewing on that tasteless cardboard flavor gives you a slight headache.

Vaughn died in a helicopter crash while leaving Alpine Valley (a venue I've regrettably never attended). 

Please do not share this material with U.S. Senate candidate Conor Lamb (D-PA).

 

#584. Lamb Song

Yesterday, Conor Lamb (D-PA) threw his hat in the ring for the coveted Pennsylvania U.S. Senate seat.    

Lamb's trying to replicate the socially conservative, Manchinesque centrist model from neighboring West Virginia.

It's a pretty crowded race.  And with Fetterman and Kenyatta duking it out for the liberal/progressive vote, the margins could get interesting.  Plus, Lamb enters the race with 1.8 million on hand.  Not too shabby.  But I think Lt. Gov. John Fetterman will eke it out and end up facing Trump loyalist Sean Parnell in the general.

 

Lamb Song
sonofsaf


Ugly Lamb! Very dull Lamb!
Ugly Lamb! Very dull Lamb!

Laa-a-a-a-a-Laa-a-a-a-a-a-a-amb
Laa-a-a-a-a-a-a-amb
Laa-a-a-a-a-a-a-amb


Ugly Lamb! (Very dull Lamb!)
Ugly Lamb! (Very dull Lamb!)
Ugly Lamb!

Lamb, Lamb, Lamb, Lamb!

 

Spam Song
Monty Python

Lovely Spam! Wonderful Spam!
Lovely Spam! Wonderful Spam

Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am
Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am
Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am
Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am

Lovely Spam! (Lovely Spam!)
Lovely Spam! (Lovely Spam!)
Lovely Spam!

Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam!

I've had multiple encounters with Conor Lamb.  Each time taking the opportunity to raise my asymmetric cyber-warfare, human rights concerns.  He listened.  Didn't have any meaningful response whatsoever.  But at least he listened.  Regardless, I'm all-in for Fetterman.

Please do not share this material with U.S. Senate candidate Conor Lamb (D-PA).

#583. Feaman Protocol

Florida Republican Peter Feaman is dusting off his Old Testament.  Calling Covid vaccines "the mark of the beast."  Obviously insinuating that if you take the shot it demonstrates your abandonment of the Lord and an allegiance to Satan. 

 

Feaman protocol.

 

He's also joined in with the Greene/Gaetz/Trump dominant, imbecile wing of the party.  Feaman's leading the "if you take the vaccine, you must hate God, and oh yeah, we demand the freedom... to die" party.   

"The Biden brown shirts are beginning to show up at private homes questioning vaccine papers."  Yep, nuthin' beats allegations of false gods and comparisons to Nazis.

 

 

Feaman Protocol
sonofsaf

The muck and the mire he’s a sore loser
We know Melania’s a whore
That Jared Kushner is a damn Jew
Going to his rallies is a chore

All the fake news and lies
He wants it biggie-sized
He has no balls and he is gay
All of the strife and shame
Orange Prolapse is to blame
He has small hands and he is gay

It’s the Feaman protocol
Feaman protocol
He’ll fuck you

Proud Boys who led the insurrection
It doesn’t matter if cops die
You’ve got to fight for that inflection
Let’s make the libtards start to cry

It’s all a game and such
Orange Prolapse called your bluff
He has no balls and he is gay
Trump’s bullshit takes a toll
He cannot rock and roll
He has small hands and he is gay
It’s the Feaman protocol
Feaman protocol
Ha ha
Feaman protocol
Feaman protocol, let's party

The muck and mire and noise pollution
His statements that we must defend
A case of regicidal fusion
He has small hands, and he is gay

All about Trump you see
He needs all your money
He’s not leaving Trump’s here to stay
That Stormy had a bust
Tit-fucked ‘em called her bluff
He has no balls and he is gay

It’s the Feaman protocol
The Feaman protocol
Aha
Feaman protocol
Feaman protocol
Let's party

 

Demon Alcohol
Ozzy Osbourne

I'm sick and tired of your excuses
Can't deal with living anymore
I'll give you reasons to continue
While you lie writing on the floor

I'll wash away your lies
And have you hypnotized
There'll be no compromise today
I'll share your life of shame
I think you know my name
I'll introduce myself today

I'm the demon alcohol
Demon alcohol
I'll get you

If you could deal with your reflection
I'm sure you'd see into my eyes
There'll be no need for resurrection
Let's drink to people of the lies

Although that one's too much
You know ten's not enough
There'll be no compromise today
I'll watch you lose control
Consume your very soul
I'll introduce myself today
I'm the demon alcohol
Demon alcohol
Ha ha
Demon alcohol
Demon alcohol, let's party

I'm sick and tired of resolutions
You've quit me time and time again
Don't speak of suicide solutions
You took my hand, I'm here to stay

This time it's you or me
I'll never set you free
There'll be no compromise today
So satisfy your lust
Too much can't be enough
I'll introduce myself today

I'm the demon alcohol
The demon alcohol
Aha
Demon alcohol
Demon alcohol
Let's party

Never seen the Ozz-Man.  In my case, it's doubtful he will ever cometh.

Please do not share this material with Florida Republican Committeeman Peter Feaman.

#582. He's Ron

My second parody of the Dead's "He's Gone."  I did a similarly-styled parody about Wisconsin Senatorial asshole Ron Johnson.  But this one's about the Florida governor who excels in all behavior douchebag related.

When asked for his thoughts on oral sex, DeSantis responds willingly and accordingly.

 

FYI:  Jerry Garcia and I share the same birthday (August 1).  I was driving through Oglebay Park in the afternoon on route 88 near the entrance to Crispin when I learned of his death.  A female deejay on 102.5 WDVE mentioned that Garcia had unexpectedly passed.  Just as soon as she said it, a deer half-way lunged onto the hood of my car.  Landed on the pavement and then limped off into the woods.

 

 

He’s Ron
sonofsaf

DeSantis a bitch, Governor’s him, prospect for President grows dim
Gonna scold you, pipe ain’t lead, kneel below his ass instead

Now he’s Ron, now he’s Ron, Lord he's Ron, he's Ron
Like a dumbshit with Covid, conspiracy quack
He's Ron, he's Ron and he’s got a saggy ballsack, he's Ron

Big pile shit, some Tallahassee pride, orange is his asshole wish he would die
Big Mac amuse bouche, all of the while
Taxes to avoid don’t file, file, file

Now he's Ron, now he's Ron, Lord he's Ron, he's Ron
Like a dumbshit with Covid, conspiracy quack
He's Ron, he's Ron and he’s got a saggy ballsack, he's Ron

Bein’ called a clown is kinda strange
Multi-billionaire begging for some change
Orange renowned but he he acts like a chicken wing
Trump doesn’t smoke crack but ain’t that a shame

Not old, Desantis a bitch, Governor’s him
Prospect for President grows dim
Gonna scold you, pipe ain’t lead
Kneel below his ass instead

He's Ron, now he's Ron, Lord he's Ron, he's Ron
Like a dumbshit with Covid, conspiracy quack
He's Ron, he's Ron and he’s gotta saggy ballsack, he's Ron
Like a dumbshit with Covid, conspiracy quack
He's gone, he's gone and he’s gotta saggy ballsack, he's Ron

Ooh, integrity’s what he lacks
Ooh, integrity’s what he lacks
Ooh, integrity’s what he lacks
Ooh, integrity’s what he lacks
Ooh, integrity’s what he lacks
Ooh, integrity’s what he lacks
Ooh, integrity’s what he lacks
Ooh, integrity’s what he lacks (no morning wood)
Ooh, integrity’s what he lacks
Ooh, integrity’s what he lacks

He’s Gone
Grateful Dead

Rat in a drain ditch, caught on a limb, you know better but I know him
Like I told you, what I said, steal your face right off your head

Now he's gone, now he's gone, Lord he's gone, he's gone
Like a steam locomotive, rollin' down the track
He's gone, he's gone and nothin's gonna bring him back, he's gone

Nine mile skid on a ten mile ride, hot as a pistol but cool inside
Cat on a tin roof, dogs in a pile
Nothin' left to do but smile, smile, smile

Now he's gone, now he's gone, Lord he's gone, he's gone
Like a steam locomotive, rollin' down the track
He's gone, he's gone and nothin's gonna bring him back, he's gone

Goin' where the wind don't blow so strange
Maybe off on some high cold mountain chain
Lost one round but the price wasn't anything
A knife in the back and more of the same

Same old, rat in a drain ditch, caught on a limb
You know better but I know him
Like I told you, what I said
Steal your face right off your head

He's gone, now he's gone, Lord he's gone, he's gone
Like a steam locomotive, rollin' down the track
He's gone, he's gone and nothin's gonna bring him back, he's gone
Like a steam locomotive, rollin' down the track
He's gone, he's gone and nothin's gonna bring him back, he's gone

Ooh, nothin's gonna bring him back
Ooh, nothin's gonna bring him back
Ooh, nothin's gonna bring him back
Ooh, nothin's gonna bring him back
Ooh, nothin's gonna bring him back
Ooh, nothin's gonna bring him back
Ooh, nothin's gonna bring him back
Ooh, nothin's gonna bring him back (he's gone for good)
Ooh, nothin's gonna bring him back
Ooh, nothin's gonna bring him back

Grateful Dead:

04-08-89, Riverfront Coliseum, Cincinnati, OH
10-22-89, Charlotte Coliseum, Charlotte, NC
07-08-90, Three Rivers Stadium, Pittsburgh, PA
09-07-90, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
09-08-90, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
03-18-91, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
03-20-91, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
03-21-91, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
06-09-91, Buckeye Lake Music Center, Hebron, OH
06-14-91, RFK Stadium, Washington, D.C.
06-21-91, Soldier Field, Chicago, IL
06-24-91, Sandstone Amphitheatre, Bonner Springs, KS
09-04-91, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
09-05-91, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
09-06-91, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
06-06-92, Rich Stadium, Orchard Park, NY
06-08-92, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
06-09-92, Richifeld Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
06-11-92, Knickerbocker Arena, Albany, NY
06-12-92, Knickerbocker Arena, Albany, NY
06-14-92, Giants Stadium, East Rutherford, NJ
06-15-92, Giants Stadium, East Rutherford, NJ
06-17-92, Charlotte Coliseum, Charlotte, NC
06-18-92, Charlotte Coliseum, Charlotte, NC
06-20-92, RFK Stadium, Washington, D.C.
06-22-92, Star Lake Amphiteatre, Burgettstown, PA
06-23-92, Star Lake Amphiteatre, Burgettstown, PA
06-25-92, Soldier Field, Chicago, IL
06-26-92, Soldier Field, Chicago, IL
07-01-92, Buckeye Lake Music Center, Hebron, OH
03-14-93, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
03-17-93, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
03-18-93, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
06-11-93, Buckeye Lake Music Center, Hebron, OH
06-18-93, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
06-21-93, Deer Creek Music Center, Noblesville, IN
06-22-93, Deer Creek Music Center, Noblesville, IN
09-09-93, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
09-10-93, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
03-20-94, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
03-21-94, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
07-29-94, Buckeye Lake Music Center, Hebron, OH
03-17-95, The Spectrum, Philadelphia, PA
06-30-95, Three Rivers Stadium, Pittsburgh, PA
07-02-95, Deer Creek Music Center, Noblesville, IN*

* - #GateCrasher

 

Please do not share this material with Governor Ron DeSantis (R-FL).

#581. Fuck Ron

The state of Florida is currently experiencing the biggest spike in Covid cases.  Particularly among children.  But Governor Ron DeSantis has been plenty busy... blaming Biden for the Covid surge on weak border security.  He "doesn't wanna hear a blip about Covid until the border is secure."

Kind of like blaming alcoholism on medical marijuana legalization.

DeSantis sports the latest in mask fashion.  The traditional light turquoise chin diaper.

 

Fuck Ron
sonofsaf

Fuck Ron DeSantis pain
He’ll masturbate with the meats
Take you to Arby’s he’s a horsey beef man
Run for President instead
Stormy Daniels is his porn star friend
“White trash wife is a queen!”
“Go get the papers, papers of ethical reams!”
Good fellas are guys wiser
He’s the Orange Prolapse we must defend
Defend!
Defend!
Defend!
Defend!

 

At Dawn
My Morning Jacket

At dawn they ride again
They'll haul you out to the streets
They'll burn your papers and your empty trash cans
Beat this thought into your head
Singin' over and over again
"All your life is obscene!"
"Forget the papers, forget your musical dreams!"
But that's when my knife rises
Their life ends and my life starts again
Again!
Again!
Again!
Again!

 

My Morning Jacket:

5-2-10, Lifestyles Community Pavilion, Columbus, OH
8-27-10, Trib Total Media Amphitheater, Pittsburgh, PA
8-10-11, Stage AE, Pittsburgh, PA
8-12-12, LC Pavilion, Columbus, OH
8-21-12, Stage AE, Pittsburgh, PA
6-4-15, Stage AE, Pittsburgh, PA
6-3-15, State Theatre, Cleveland, OH
7-8-17, Metro Amphitheater, Charlotte, NC
7-9-17 Red Hat Amphitheater, Raleigh, NC

Mason's favorite band.   I must say, she got me hooked.  Definitely in my Top 10.

Please do not share this material with Governor Ron DeSantis (R-FL).

#580. DeSantis

Governor Ron DeSantis (R-FL) could really use a dose of humility.  As in a slap across the face.  I just don't care for the smug arrogance.  As if he's desperately clinging to the remnants of Trumpism.

Dr. Deborah Birx explains the differences between bacteria and viruses.  Trump previously thought of Mar-A-Lago in terms of a "gracious host."

 

DeSantis
sonofsaf

Slap Ron
Get off
DeSantis

 

The Clapper
commercial jingle

Clap on
Clap off
The Clapper

In the early 80's, my parents had a clapper for the television in their bedroom.  The only problem was that every time you sneezed, the tv would turn off.  And if you had a sneezing fit, it would click off and on with each individual sneeze accordingly.

Please do not share this material with Florida Governor Ron DeSantis and/or former President Donald J. Trump.

#579. Delta Delta

Unless something significant happens (North Korea, gasoline spike over $5, etc.), if I was forced to lay a bet on the major issue that impacts the 2022 mid-term elections, I think it'll be masks and Covid "variants."

Particularly how it impacts grade school children.  Because, to be totally frank, properly wearing a mask over your nose and mouth for an extended period of time... sucks.

I flew for the first time last week in the post-Covid world.

Pittsburgh > Charlotte, Charlotte > Phoenix

Phoenix > Philadelphia, Philadelphia > Pittsburgh.  

Nothing beats over-shooting your destination in the same state.  I would have asked the pilot to let me parachute over the Burgh.  But didn't wish to get physically sodomized by the TSA, DHS, FBI, and a host of other merry acronyms.  Anyhoo, that's a grand total of about 12 "generally masked up" hours on four different planes.  Of course, you can temporarily remove your mask to "eat and/or drink."  Now that's generally open to interpretation.  But for the most part, I'd say about 80% of all passengers followed the rules regarding mask guidance.  The violators were mostly slow-eating pretzels and non-nasal cover uppers.

Keep in mind, I am NOT one of these people who wear a mask while walking outside or driving alone in my car.  Simply put, if the virus were that contagious, mankind is totally fucked.  However, I have generally avoided indoor dining, church (no surprise there), and large events.  Although I will be attending the usual Star Lake concerts, Steelers games, etc.

But yeah, I think the mid-term elections will likely revolve around masks.  If the current state of affairs is any indication, the United States will largely be divided on political lines.  Republicans will claim it's all about freedom, government tyranny, and personal responsibility.  Democrats will claim it's all about science, the greater good and common sense (saving lives).

As usual, it's a pretty murky issue.  In essence ground zero for maximum exploitation.

Delta Delta
sonofsaf

When I see all the bodies in the morgue I ask how did they die
Then I learn and discern and I even ask why
Internet is the reason that I’m here to defend

China Virus is gonna fuck you
The vaccine at last all the while it screws you
Sell me, sell me, sell me come on gimme some cancer
Well, Pfizer and Moderna shots are not the answer

Delta Delta, Delta Delta
Delta Delta 

China Virus all the while it screws you
The vaccine at last but the freedom fakes you
Sell me, sell me, sell me some cancer
Pfizer and Moderna shots are not the answer

No doubt
Delta Delta, Delta Delta
Delta Delta
Vax up for booster fun

When I see all the bodies in the morgue I ask how did they die
Then I learn and discern and I even ask why
Internet is the reason that I’m here to defend, yeah, yeah

Well China Virus is gonna fuck you
The vaccine at last but the freedom fakes you
Sell me, sell me, sell me some cancer
Pfizer and Moderna shots are not the answer

No doubt
Delta Delta, Delta Delta
Delta Delta

No doubt, Delta Delta
The vaccine at last
Trump, he is
Trump, he is
The vaccine at last

 

Helter Skelter
The Beatles

When I get to the bottom I go back to the top of the slide
Where I stop and I turn and I go for a ride
Till I get to the bottom and I see you again

Do, don't you want me to love you
I'm coming down fast but I'm miles above you
Tell me, tell me, tell me, come on tell me the answer
Well, you may be a lover but you ain't no dancer

Helter skelter, helter skelter
Helter skelter

Will you, won't you want me to make you
I'm coming down fast but don't let me break you
Tell me, tell me, tell me the answer
You may be a lover but you ain't no dancer

Look out
Helter skelter, helter skelter
Helter skelter
Look out, 'cause here she comes

When I get to the bottom I go back to the top of the slide
And I stop and I turn and I go for a ride
And I get to the bottom and I see you again, yeah, yeah

Well do you, don't you want me to make you
I'm coming down fast but don't let me break you
Tell me, tell me, tell me your answer
You may be a lover but you ain't no dancer

Look out
Helter skelter, helter skelter
Helter skelter

Look out, helter skelter
She's coming down fast
Yes, she is
Yes, she is
Coming down fast

 

Paul McCartney:

2-12-90, Riverfront Coliseum, Cincinnati, OH

4–29-02, Gund Arena, Cleveland, OH

8-18-10, Consol Energy Center, Pittsburgh, PA

7-7-14, Consol Energy Center, Pittsburgh, PA

 

Please do not share this material with individuals who've been impacted by the Covid-19 Delta variant.  

 

 

#578. Delta Too

Delta is bad news.  Especially for Delta airlines (you know, from a public relations perspective).  

Twenty years ago, I thought the same thing about the heavy metal band Anthrax.  Following the anthrax attacks of 2001.

Delta Too
sonofsaf

All fake news and lies
It makes you wanna scream
Kiss the Orange Prolapse ring
Like a retard
You’ll defend Trump when he’s wrong
He’s lying wants to fight
And still it makes you scream
Your darkest fears

Delta too
Trump’s the Orange Prolapse clown
His urine’s mostly pee
His soul is so bereft
Makin’ you scream
Must defend Trump when he’s wrong
He’s lying and has sinned
Stormy’s curtains of meat
He always wins

Delta too
He needs all y’all to fight or go to hell
Despite the lying
Thrust into Stormy’s shit not
Pay the crime
Barron is so fine

Got no soul so much fun
It’s always about me
No matter what he’s told
Gotta be strong
Defend Trump when he’s wrong
He’s lying and has sinned
And welcomes all the strife
It makes you scream
Delta too

 

Stella Blue
Grateful Dead

All the years combine
They melt into a dream
A broken angel sings
From a guitar
In the end there's just a song
Comes crying like the night (wind)
Through all the broken dreams
And vanished years

Stella Blue
When all the cards are down
There's nothing left to see
There's just the pavement left
And broken dreams
In the end there's still that song
Comes crying like the wind
Down every lonely street
That's ever been

Stella Blue
I've stayed in every blue-light cheap hotel
Can't win for trying
Dust off those rusty strings just
One more time
Gonna make em shine

It all rolls into one
And nothing comes for free
There's nothing you can hold
For very long
And when you hear that song
Come crying like the wind
It seems like all this life
Was just a dream
Stella Blue

Grateful Dead:

04-08-89, Riverfront Coliseum, Cincinnati, OH
10-22-89, Charlotte Coliseum, Charlotte, NC
07-08-90, Three Rivers Stadium, Pittsburgh, PA
09-07-90, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
09-08-90, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
03-18-91, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
03-20-91, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
03-21-91, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
06-09-91, Buckeye Lake Music Center, Hebron, OH
06-14-91, RFK Stadium, Washington, D.C.
06-21-91, Soldier Field, Chicago, IL
06-24-91, Sandstone Amphitheatre, Bonner Springs, KS
09-04-91, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
09-05-91, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
09-06-91, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
06-06-92, Rich Stadium, Orchard Park, NY
06-08-92, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
06-09-92, Richifeld Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
06-11-92, Knickerbocker Arena, Albany, NY
06-12-92, Knickerbocker Arena, Albany, NY
06-14-92, Giants Stadium, East Rutherford, NJ
06-15-92, Giants Stadium, East Rutherford, NJ
06-17-92, Charlotte Coliseum, Charlotte, NC
06-18-92, Charlotte Coliseum, Charlotte, NC
06-20-92, RFK Stadium, Washington, D.C.
06-22-92, Star Lake Amphiteatre, Burgettstown, PA
06-23-92, Star Lake Amphiteatre, Burgettstown, PA
06-25-92, Soldier Field, Chicago, IL
06-26-92, Soldier Field, Chicago, IL
07-01-92, Buckeye Lake Music Center, Hebron, OH
03-14-93, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
03-17-93, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
03-18-93, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
06-11-93, Buckeye Lake Music Center, Hebron, OH
06-18-93, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
06-21-93, Deer Creek Music Center, Noblesville, IN
06-22-93, Deer Creek Music Center, Noblesville, IN
09-09-93, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
09-10-93, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
03-20-94, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
03-21-94, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH *
07-29-94, Buckeye Lake Music Center, Hebron, OH
03-17-95, The Spectrum, Philadelphia, PA
06-30-95, Three Rivers Stadium, Pittsburgh, PA
07-02-95, Deer Creek Music Center, Noblesville, IN

* My final Dead show at the Richfield Coliseum.

During the early 90's, I heard plenty of Stella Blues.  Although I do love me a meandering, post-space Jerry ballad, I tend to prefer the other options... Wharf Rat, Black Peter, SOTM, etc.   

Please do not share this material with individuals who've been impacted by the Covid-19 Delta variant.

#577. Don't Lie To Me Anti-Vaxxers

The 2020 election witnessed one of the best attack ads in the history of politics.  The Lincoln Project released Covita.  A parody of "Don't Cry For Me Argentina" from Evita.

If I was a left-wing media ghoul, searching for a good Covid-19 talking point, I'd find an adult woman/trophy wife, preferably from Florida or Texas, who's adamant about not getting the vaccine.  But at the same time, insistent on going to the hospital for her scheduled breast implant surgery.

A scenario like this, particularly during a Covid spike, would infuriate the masses.  But it also helps promote the notion, that if you happen to be one of these anti-vaxxer morons, well... you shouldn't be rewarded with elective, world class healthcare.  Translation: If you refuse to get the shot, you gotta move to the back of the bus.

The choice is yours.

 

Don’t Lie To Me Anti-Vaxxers
sonofsaf


Don’t lie to me anti-vaxxers
The fool is
The Pfizer in you
Moderna’s child’s play
Johnson & Johnson
I’m the Orange Prolapse
It’s my existence

Don’t Cry for me Argentina
Tim Rice & Andrew Lloyd Webber

Don't cry for me Argentina
The truth is
I never left you
All through my wild days
My mad existence
I kept my promise
Don't keep your distance

Don’t Cry For Me White House Staffers
The Lincoln Project

Don’t cry for me White House staffers
The truth is
I will infect you
All through my tweeting
My mad existence
I broke my promise

Don’t Cry For Me Secret Service
The Lincoln Project

Don’t cry for me Secret Service
Though Covid
just might well kill you
While on my joyride
I spread the virus
I broke my promise
Won’t keep my distance

Please do not share this material with anti-vaxxers and/or former President Donald J. Trump.

#576. Don't Cry For Me China Virus

The 2020 election witnessed one of the best ads in the history of politics.  The Lincoln Project released Covita.  A parody of "Don't Cry For Me Argentina" from Evita.

If I was the left-wing media searching for a good Covid-19 talking point, I'd find an adult woman/trophy wife, preferably from Florida or Texas, who's adamant about not getting the vaccine.  But at the same time, insistent on going to the hospital for her scheduled breast implant surgery.

A scenario like this, particularly during a Covid spike, would infuriate the masses.  But it also helps promote the notion, that if you happen to be one of these anti-vaxxer morons, you shouldn't be rewarded with elective, world class healthcare.  Translation: If you refuse to get the shot, you gotta move to the back of the bus.

The choice is yours.

Don’t Cry For Me China Virus
sonofsaf

Don’t cry for me China virus
The Kung Flu
Will weaponize you
Wuhan’s a scary place
The population’s dense
He’s the Orange Prolapse
Now kiss his greatness

Don’t Cry for me Argentina
Tim Rice & Andrew Lloyd Webber

Don't cry for me Argentina
The truth is
I never left you
All through my wild days
My mad existence
I kept my promise
Don't keep your distance

Don’t Cry For Me White House Staffers
The Lincoln Project

Don’t cry for me White House staffers
The truth is
I will infect you
All through my tweeting
My mad existence
I broke my promise

Don’t Cry For Me Secret Service
The Lincoln Project

Don’t cry for me Secret Service
Though Covid
just might well kill you
While on my joyride
I spread the virus
I broke my promise
Won’t keep my distance

Please do not share this information with anti-vaxxer women who are actively considering getting a boob job, Americans who've contracted Covid-19, and/or former President Donald J. Trump.

#575. Cuomo! Cuomo! Cuomo!

When the frat boys in the movie Animal House faced almost certain expulsion... instead of cowering and pleading for mercy, they "leaned into" their troubles and threw a Toga party.

 

That was 1978.  Now in 2021, New York Governor Andrew "Handsy Andy" Cuomo should consider following a similar path.

He's made it clear that he's gonna dig in for the long haul.  And that's despite all the Democratic heavy hitters saying he should resign asap.  I'm talkin' Schumer, Gillibrand, Biden, and even Nancy Pelosi.  Hell, who's gonna weigh in next?  Rumor has it that Bill Clinton and Monica Lewisnky are considering cuttting an attack ad.

From here on out, whenever anyone mentions Governor Cuomo and the sexual harassment accusations (from 11 different women), may I suggest replicating the infamous "TOGA" chant.

Cuomo! Cuomo! Cuomo!
sonofsaf

Toga! Toga! Toga!
excerpt from the movie Animal House

Please do not share this material with Governor Andrew Cuomo (D-NY).

 

#574. Don't Lie To Me Stormy Daniels

The 2020 election witnessed one of the best ads in the history of politics.  The Lincoln Project released Covita.  A parody of "Don't Cry For Me Argentina" from Evita. 

So this begs the question.  Was Stormy Daniels the most expensive piece of ass in the history in mankind?

 

At a payoff, er uh, rate of $120,000 for a single consensual encounter, you gotta think she's up there.  The most expensive prostitutes usually charge in the realm of $2,500 - $5,000 per night.

Don’t Lie To Me Stormy Daniels
sonofsaf

Don’t lie to me Stormy Daniels
Your cooch was
So putrid fuck you
Your pornographic ways
My lack of defense
I’m the Orange Prolapse
Push-pop your fist in

Don’t Cry for me Argentina
Tim Rice & Andrew Lloyd Webber

Don't cry for me Argentina
The truth is
I never left you
All through my wild days
My mad existence
I kept my promise
Don't keep your distance

Don’t Cry For Me White House Staffers
The Lincoln Project

Don’t cry for me White House staffers
The truth is
I will infect you
All through my tweeting
My mad existence
I broke my promise

 

Don't Cry For Me Secret Service

The Lincoln Project

 

Don’t cry for me Secret Service
Though Covid
just might well kill you
While on my joyride
I spread the virus
I broke my promise
Won’t keep my distance

 

Please do not share this material with Stormy Daniels and/or former President Donald J. Trump.

#573. Don't Lie To Me Jared Kushner

The 2020 election witnessed one of the best ads in the history of politics.  The Lincoln Project released Covita.  A parody of "Don't Cry For Me Argentina" from Evita. 

So this begs the question.  Is Jared Kushner the "wormiest" human being of all time?  

Definitely maybe.  Hey he's up there in some elite company.  Consistent with those who've fallen out of favor with the Orange Prolapse.  Judas, Benedict Arnold, perhaps even Jimmy Altieri.  The captain who flipped in the first season of The Sopranos.  Fuckin' scumbag.

 

Don’t Lie To Me Jared Kushner
sonofsaf

Don’t lie to me Jared Kushner
A Jew is
One who will screw you
Ignores the Christian ways
Converts Ivanka
I'm the Orange Prolapse
It's my existence

 

Don’t Cry for me Argentina
Tim Rice & Andrew Lloyd Webber

Don't cry for me Argentina
The truth is
I never left you
All through my wild days
My mad existence
I kept my promise
Don't keep your distance

Don’t Cry For Me White House Staffers
The Lincoln Project

Don’t cry for me White House staffers
The truth is
I will infect you
All through my tweeting
My mad existence
I broke my promise

 

Don't Cry For Me Secret Service

The Lincoln Project

  

Don’t cry for me Secret Service
Though Covid
just might well kill you
While on my joyride
I spread the virus
I broke my promise
Won’t keep my distance

 

Please do not share this information with Jared Kushner and/or former President Donald J. Trump.

#572. Point Of Entry, Deshaun Watson

Houston Texans Quarterback Deshaun Watson is physically and literally bringing new meaning to the term "Ass Man."

No shit, Sherlock!

Watson prefers it when his massage therapists go deep.  Not necessarily on the football field.  Butt in the realm of anularity.  That's uh, well uh... let's just agree it's a little below the belt.

One of his 22 accusers... "The only thing that really bothered me in the first appointment was that he kept asking me to go inside his butt, and I was just so confused.  Normally with any of my clients I’ll stop at the lower thigh and he kept asking me to go inside.  I originally thought it was the crack and so I would go around that area and he still wasn’t satisfied.  He was very adamant and was saying don’t be afraid to go inside."

"He basically didn’t want the rest of his body massaged, he wanted his groin area massaged and his butt only… he kept saying do you want to put in your mouth? It was just very very uncomfortable."

 

Point of Entry, Deshaun Watson
sonofsaf

Elementary, My Dear Watson
Arthur Conan Doyle

I was never much of a Sherlock Holmes fan.  However, I do share a "special bond" with Texans owner Janice McNair.  She assumed an ownership stake in the team following the 2018 passing of her husband, Robert McNair.  Little does she know that about 5 years ago, one of her neighbors contacted me and expressed an interest in conveying some sensitive, albeit very generic information, regarding dangerously obsolete NFL stadium emergency evacuation protocol.  Hint: Everyone has a cell phone.  This woman (I forget her name but I have it written down somewhere) said she often chit chats with Janice when she takes her dog for a walk.  I seriously doubt this woman was making it all up.

Houston Texans:

9-7-05, Heinz Field, Pittsburgh, PA

9-7-08, Heinz Field, Pittsburgh, PA

10-20-14, Heinz Field, Pittsburgh, PA

Please do not share this material with DeShaun Watson and/or any of the 22 woman alleging sexual harassment.