#326. Kay Ivey Kay

Aside from targeting the transgender population with punitive legislation, Governor Kay Ivey from the hate (accidental typo) state of Alabama has another claim of distinction.  When faced with the dilemma of deteriorating prison conditions, she devised a plan.  She wanted the big banks to finance the construction of three brand spankin' new prisons statewide.  Top of the line facilities.  But all of the banks recently backed out.  So now she's exploring the idea of selling bonds, municipal shit, etc.

Rather than try to limit the grip of private prisons and alter the trajectory of mass incarceration, her goal is to build nicer, newer jailing facilities.  Way to roll back the clock Kay!  Just what the doctor, er uh, elderly tyrant ordered.

In the year 2021, when your governor is seriously considering a return to her retro 1950's hair-do... well, that's generally not a good sign.

Kay Ivey Kay
sonofsaf

Kay, Ivey Kay
Stay away the fuck instead
Kay, Ivey Kay
Stay away the fuck instead

The color of your grey hair
Leaves me blind
Still when you get nude
I prepare to dine

Kay, Ivey, Kay
Stay away the fuck instead
Kay, Ivey, Kay
Pray like you’re in denial

Likley not a good lay
Why you fuck us all the while

Her shit is flirty, and her -
Her ass ain’t clean
Still I stick my dick in it
Kinda mean

Kay, Ivey, Kay
Pray like you’re in denial

Your passion grows stronger when transgendered lose not win
But it’s the mere thought of fucking you
Your passion grows stronger without menstrual blood
Still her tampon, string theory too

Kay, Ivey, Kay
Stay away the fuck instead
Kay, Ivey, Kay
And pray with the right you’ll end up dead

My dong will get you when the time is right
My dong will speak to you in creamy white

Kay, Ivey, Kay
And pray with the right you’ll end up dead 

Lay Lady Lay
Bob Dylan

Lay, lady, lay
Lay across my big brass bed
Lay, lady, lay
Lay across my big brass bed

Whatever colors you have
In your mind
I'll show them to you
And you'll see them shine

Lay, lady, lay
Lay across my big brass bed
Stay, lady, stay
Stay with your man awhile

Until the break of day
Let me see you make him smile

His clothes are dirty, but his -
His hands are clean
And you're the best thing that he's
Ever seen

Stay, lady, stay
Stay with your man awhile

Why wait any longer for the world to begin?
You can have your cake and eat it too
Why wait any longer for the one you love?
When he's standing, in front of you

Lay, lady, lay
Lay across my big brass bed
Stay, lady, stay
Stay while the night is still ahead

I long to see you in the morning light
I long to reach for you in the night

Stay, lady, stay
Stay while the night is still ahead

Bob Dylan:

7-18-99, Star Lake Amphitheater, Burgettstown, PA (w/ Paul Simon)

11-5-99, Civic Arena, Pittsburgh, PA (w/ Phil Lesh)

8-6-03, Germain Amphitheater, Columbus, OH (w/ The Dead)

8-20-06, Falconi Field, Washington, PA (just driving by, we snuck in near the end)

Please do not share this material with Governor Kay Ivey (R-AL).

#325. Justin The Fast Layne

Over the weekend, Steelers cornerback Justin Layne got pulled over on I-90, east of downtown Cleveland, in the middle of the night.  He was clocked at 89 in a 60mph.  So the 23 year old, driving a Dodge Charger (hint: these cars are cop magnets), got busted for going about 30mph over the speed limit.  Then they busted him for a "lone blunt" and "marijuana residue."  Apparently, he was driving on a suspended license (should have Ubered) and had an outstanding warrant on another traffic violation (failed to appear in court).

But then the pigs found a loaded glock and it wasn't in its case or holster or whatever.  And bingo!  There's your felony charge.  Kinda surprised they didn't throw in an additional misdemeanor charge for last year's debilitating playoff loss to the Browns.  Conspiracy, racketeering, aiding and abetting the hapless Browns n'at.

Dedicated to the Steelers secondary.  You guys have really cornered the market on safety.

Justin The Fast Layne
sonofsaf

He had a cornerback plan
East of Cleveland and then some y'all he was Primantilly Yinzer
Cop said whassup and he tried to play so dumb
Tepid warmth of an Iron City
He was filled with trepidation as if he was nude
Had gold but not toothless true but it’s rude
No longer eats Ki Ramen Noodlehead instead
Puppet master master Rooney ain’t got no street cred
Justin the Fast Layne
He was likely smokin’ kind
Justin the Fast Layne

Ripe for taxation football has no shame
There’s no satisfaction the NFL’s to blame
They hang out with the sheeple got the skills to pay the bills
They have the meats at Arby’s the curly fries will thrill
Highway lines have no fear lines from outer space
Pretentious hooker will blow us lick the cum right off her face
Nabbed him for speeding he went through a light
He was too wired to talk shit cop would get fired not write a ticket
Justin the fast Layne
He was likely smokin’ kind

Justin the fast Layne uh-huh

Justin the fast Layne

Chicken wings dinner time
Justin the fast Layne uh-huh

Throttle is churnin’ timing’s the worst
Snoop Doggy was drinkin’ wine 19th’s crime’s not the first
Under arrest maybe then he saw this weapon thing
What’s a Pittsburgh Steeler doin’ with all of this fuckin’ bling
He said call my lawyer think I need some cash
But the lawyer said bail bondsman wake up his fuckin’ ass

McDonald’s pimpin’ on I-90 Big Mac salad got tossed
They didn't know that pig was bein’ a jag off
And it was Justin the fast Layne
He was likely smokin’ kind
Justin the fast Layne
Justin the fast Layne
Chicken wings dinner time
Justin the fast Layne uh huh
Justin the fast Layne
Justin the fast Layne

 

Life In The Fast Lane
The Eagles

He was a hard headed man
He was brutally handsome y'all she was terminally pretty
She held him up and he held her for ransom
In the heart of the cold cold city
He had a nasty reputation as a cruel dude
They said he was ruthless said he was crude
They had one thing in common they were good in bed
She'd say faster faster the lights are turnin' red
Life in the fast lane
Surely make you lose your mind
Life in the fast lane
Eager for action and hot for the game
The coming attraction the drop of a name

They knew all the right people they took all the right pills
They threw outrageous parties they paid heavily bills
There were lines on the mirror lines on her face
She pretended not to notice she was caught up in the race
Out every evening until it was light
He was too tired to make it she was too tired to fight about it
Life in the fast lane
Surely make you lose your mind

Life in the fast lane uh-huh

Life in the fast lane

Everything all the time
Life in the fast lane uh-huh

Blowin' and burnin' blinded by thirst
They didn't see the stop sign took a turn for the worst
She said listen baby you can hear them engines ring

We've been up and down this highway haven't seen a goddam thing
He said call the doctor think I'm gonna crash
But the doctor say he's comin' you gotta pay him cash

They went rushin' down that freeway messed around and got lost
They didn't know they were just dyin' to get off
And it was life in the fast lane
Surely make you lose your mind
Life in the fast lane
Life in the fast lane
Everything all the time
Life in the fast lane uh huh
Life in the fast lane
Life in the fast lane

The Eagles:

8-15-94, Star Lake Amphitheater, Burgettstown, PA

Please do not share this material with Steelers cornerback Justin Layne and/or anyone with a passing interest in Steelers football.

#324. My Pirro

Question:  Which major Fox News celebrity sickens you the most? 

Answer:  It's a tough call.  I think Sean Hannity and Tucker Carlson kinda cancel each other out.  Yes, both of them continually revel in extremist rhetoric.  And of course that requires the explicit admiration of, and devotion to, the Orange Prolapse.  But it's "Judge" Jeanine Pirro who always takes it to that next level.  With that bombastic snarling.  And the ceaseless accusations.  And don't forget the flagrantly annoying attempts at base sarcasm.  Seriously, how can people watch her for an entire hour, let alone a few minutes?  Her voice literally makes your skin crawl.  And I'm not talking erotically-driven goose bumps.  I'm talkin' some kind of chicken pox/ebola combo shit.

She is literally and physically the female emodiment of Trump.  So I'm thinking she deserves a similar nickname.   Perhaps a slightly different shade of orange.  As of right now, my mind seems stuck on "Rustic Cunt."

My Pirro
sonofsaf

Five alarmin’ now there is no doubt
Take your penis out and piss around
Would you be her friend, why’s she’s so proud
Forty five’s rear end, prolapse in town

There goes my Pirro
Watch her as he blows
There goes my Pirro
She’s temporary

She loves all orange men, Syracuse
While she hates voting no excuse
Evil no defense, why she’s so loud
Forty five’s rear end, prolapse in town

There goes my Pirro
Watch her as she blows
There goes my Pirro
She’s temporary

Fuck you J. Pirro, fuck the God you bless
You are a Pirro, a chump Fox con
There goes my Pirro
Watch her as she blows
There goes my Pirro
She’s temprorary
There goes my Pirro
Watch her as she blows
There goes my Pirro
She’s temporary

My Hero
Foo fighters

Too alarmin' now to talk about
Take your pictures down and shake it out
Truth or consequence, say it aloud
Use that evidence, race it around

There goes my hero
Watch him as he goes
There goes my hero
He's ordinary

Don't the best of them bleed it out
While the rest of them peter out?
Truth or consequence, say it aloud
Use that evidence, race it around

There goes my hero
Watch him as he goes
There goes my hero
He's ordinary

Kudos, my hero, leavin' all the mess
You know my hero, the one that's on
There goes my hero
Watch him as he goes
There goes my hero
He's ordinary
There goes my hero
Watch him as he goes
There goes my hero
He's ordinary

Foo Fighters:

7-9-03, Chevrolet Amphitheatre, Pittsburgh, PA
7-26-08, Peterson Events Center, Pittsburgh, PA
9-23-11, Consol Energy Center, Pittsburgh, PA
8-25-15, First Niagara Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA
7-19-18, PPG Paints Arena, Pittsburgh, PA 

Please do not share this material with Jeanine Pirro, Sean Hannity, Tucker Carlson and/or former President Donald J. Trump.

#323. Tennessee Fred

One of the few Republican Senators I actually liked... was Fred Thompson from Tennessee.  He launched a half-hearted presidential campaign in 2008 but the momentum never really materialized.  Regrettably he passed away in 2015.  Fred is dead.

Disclaimer/Caution: This video was taken from Foxboro Stadium where the evil New England Patriots used to play.  Of course, this is back in 1989 when nobody hated them. 

Tennessee Fred
sonofsaf

My love handles, some weight gain
Smoky Mountain Secrets` and I should abstain
Despite your dreams you sleep instead
If you don't head back to Tennessee Fred

Ronald Reagan he is dead
California movie star born and bred
Well, do you take your fuckin’ meds
You better smoke crack in Tennessee Fred

Tennessee, Tennessee, best Senator you’ll ever see
Maybe you should vote for me back in Tennessee

Rolling Rock is outta site
We brew it in Latrobe on a training camp night
Pamela’s in the morning, or breakfast in bed
You’d better bless our Tennessee Fred

Shotgunned a beer and drank my wine
So flick my Bic and gimme a line
Puke in the sink, maybe, toilet instead
Smokin’ your crack in Tennessee Fred

Tennessee, Tennessee, best Senator you’ll ever see
Maybe you should vote for me back in Tennessee

I was chased by nigger dogs
Shittin’ bricks and a big ‘ol log
That doggie came heavy with some lead
Let’s steer clear of Tennessee Fred

I’m not woke and feelin’ mean
All I care about is the green
Orange Prolapse in town, and it’s what I dread
You better head back to Tennessee Fred

Tennessee, Tennessee, best Senator you’ll ever see
Maybe you should vote for me back in Tennessee

 

Tennessee Jed
Grateful Dead

Cold iron shackles, ball and chain
Listen to the whistle of the evenin' train
You know you bound to wind up dead
If you don't head back to Tennessee Jed

Rich man step on my poor head
When you get back you better butter my bread
Well, do you know it's like I said
You better head back to Tennessee Jed

Tennessee, Tennessee, there ain't no place I'd rather be
Baby won't you carry me back to Tennessee

Drink all day and rock all night
The law come to get you if you don't walk right
Got a letter this morning, baby all it read
You better head back to Tennessee Jed

I dropped four flights and cracked my spine
Honey, come quick with the iodine
Catch a few winks, baby, under the bed
Then you head back to Tennessee Jed

Tennessee, Tennessee, there ain't no place I'd rather be
Baby won't you carry me back to Tennessee

I run into Charlie Fog
Blacked my eye and he kicked my dog
My doggie turned to me and he said
Let's head back to Tennessee Jed
I woke up a felin' mean
Went down to play the slot machine
The wheels turned around, and the letters read
You better head back to Tennessee Jed

Tennessee, Tennessee, there ain't no place I'd rather be
Baby won't you carry me back to Tennessee

Grateful Dead:

04-08-89, Riverfront Coliseum, Cincinnati, OH
10-22-89, Charlotte Coliseum, Charlotte, NC
07-08-90, Three Rivers Stadium, Pittsburgh, PA
09-07-90, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
09-08-90, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
03-18-91, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
03-20-91, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
03-21-91, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
06-09-91, Buckeye Lake Music Center, Hebron, OH
06-14-91, RFK Stadium, Washington, D.C. ^
06-21-91, Soldier Field, Chicago, IL
06-24-91, Sandstone Amphitheatre, Bonner Springs, KS
09-04-91, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
09-05-91, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
09-06-91, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
06-06-92, Rich Stadium, Orchard Park, NY
06-08-92, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
06-09-92, Richifeld Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
06-11-92, Knickerbocker Arena, Albany, NY
06-12-92, Knickerbocker Arena, Albany, NY
06-14-92, Giants Stadium, East Rutherford, NJ
06-15-92, Giants Stadium, East Rutherford, NJ
06-17-92, Charlotte Coliseum, Charlotte, NC
06-18-92, Charlotte Coliseum, Charlotte, NC
06-20-92, RFK Stadium, Washington, D.C.
06-22-92, Star Lake Amphiteatre, Burgettstown, PA
06-23-92, Star Lake Amphiteatre, Burgettstown, PA
06-25-92, Soldier Field, Chicago, IL
06-26-92, Soldier Field, Chicago, IL
07-01-92, Buckeye Lake Music Center, Hebron, OH
03-14-93, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
03-17-93, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
03-18-93, Capital Centre, Landover, MD
06-11-93, Buckeye Lake Music Center, Hebron, OH
06-18-93, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
06-21-93, Deer Creek Music Center, Noblesville, IN
06-22-93, Deer Creek Music Center, Noblesville, IN
09-09-93, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
09-10-93, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
03-20-94, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
03-21-94, Richfield Coliseum, Cleveland, OH
07-29-94, Buckeye Lake Music Center, Hebron, OH
03-17-95, The Spectrum, Philadelphia, PA
06-30-95, Three Rivers Stadium, Pittsburgh, PA
07-02-95, Deer Creek Music Center, Noblesville, IN*

* - Gate Crasher

^ - favorite version of Tennessee Jed (mark 41:01).  Great first set (despite the unforgivable caterwauling of Vince Welnick). 

` - Smoky Mountain Secrets was the Tennessee company that manufactured various gift boxes for the highly suspect Bears Against Drugs telemarketing program on behalf of the legally questionable West Virginia Troopers Association.  Jellies and preserves, steak sauces and seasonings, gourmet salad dressings, mustards, and the oft-heralded fruit syrups.

Regarding my GD license plate collection, I've always wanted a picture of a Tennessee tag with the initials or name JED.  Or a DEAD (TN) would be sufficient.  Or even a FRED (TN). 

Please do not share this information with anyone who enters or exits the Fred D. Thompson Federal Building in Nashville, Tennessee.  It's slated for completion sometime this year in 2021. 

#322. 'Bama I Hate Your Kay

Alabama's Republican Governor Kay Ivey has two major accomplishments.

1.  She recently signed an anti-transgender bill into law.  This way, no kids with gender identity issues can play sports for their school.  Way to go Kay!  Show us the way.  

2.  She's also the oldest governor in the country.  Rapidly approaching the century mark.  100 years.  A tribute to her steadfast commitment to healthy Southern cuisine.  L'chaim! (as if there are any Jews in the state of Alabama).

Kay gets some nutritional wellness tips from the Orange Prolapse.

 Audemus jura nostra defendere --- "We dare defend our rights"... the Alabama state motto.  Roll Tide!

 

‘Bama I Hate Your Kay
sonofsaf

Will you show me what’s between your thighs
Upon the high school sporting stage
Instantly you play to the far right
Let us pray, behave shitty
But don't, you accept your fate
'Cause your love’s really hate (Hey yeah, yeah)

Ooh ‘Bama, I hate your Kay, everyday
I wanna fuck your Ivey today, everyday yeah, yeah
I wanna poison the ivy way

Transgendered people commit suicide
Not much help when they all die
I wonder if you have the power to be kind, kind, kind
You say fuck ‘em just let’em whine
But don't, Yoo-Hoo, accept your fate, haulin’ Hoo
'Cause your love’s really hate (Hey yeah, yeah)

Ooh ‘Bama, I hate your Kay, everyday
I wanna fuck your Ivey today, everyday (Hey yeah)
I wanna poison the ivy way (Whoa ‘Bama, oh ‘Bama please)

Everyday yeah, yeah
I would hate, I would hate ya
I hate your Kay (Oh ‘Bama please)

Can you see past the hate and the lies
The clothing’s just a disguise
You are fucking with everyone
I wish you could try a life not as fun
But don't, oh no no, hesitate, la di dah
'Cause your love’s really hate, really hate

Ooh ‘Bama, I hate your Kay (Every, everyday)
I wanna fuck your Ivey today
(I wanna tell you how I hate your little ways)
I wanna poison the ivy way (Everyday, in every way)

Ooh ‘Bama, I hate your Kay (Ooh ‘Bama how I hate your little ways, yeah)
I wanna fuck your Ivey today (I wanna tell you how I)
(I wanna tell you how I hate your little ways)
I wanna poison the ivy way
Ooh ‘Bama, I hate your Kay (Ooh, ‘Bama, ‘Bama)

Baby I Love Your Way
Peter Frampton

Ooh baby, I love your way, everyday yeah, yeah
Ooh, baby, I love your way, everyday

Shadows grow so long before my eyes
And they're moving across the page
Suddenly the day turns into night
Far away, from the city
But don't, oh no, hesitate
'Cause your love just won't wait (Hey yeah, yeah)

Ooh baby, I love your way, everyday
I wanna tell you I love your way, everyday yeah, yeah
I wanna be with you night and day

The moon appears to shine and light the skies
With the help of some fireflies
I wonder how they have the power to shine, shine, shine
I can see them under the pine
But don't, oh no no, hesitate, la di dah
'Cause your love, just won't wait (Hey yeah, yeah)

Ooh baby, I love your way, everyday
I wanna tell you I love your way, everyday (Hey yeah)
I wanna be with you night and day (Whoa baby, oh baby please)

Everyday yeah, yeah
I would love, I would love ya
I love your way (Oh baby please)

I can see the sunset in your eyes
Brown and grey and blue besides
Clouds are stalking islands in the sun
I wish I could buy one out of season
But don't, oh no no, hesitate, la di dah
'Cause your love just won't wait, just won't wait

Ooh baby, I love your way (Every, everyday)
I wanna tell you I love your way
(I wanna tell you how I love your little ways)
I wanna be with you night and day (Everyday, in every way)

Ooh baby, I love your way (Ooh baby how I love your little ways, yeah)
I wanna tell you I love your way (I wanna tell you how I)
(I wanna tell you how I love your little ways)
I wanna be with you night and day
Ooh baby, I love your way (Ooh, baby, baby)

I always thought this was a Peter Frampton song.  But it's actually a cover.  The original version was written by Big Mountain.  Whoever the hell they are.

Since 1973, Frampton has played the Burgh a grand total of 16 times.  But from what I understand, he has decided to hang it up.  A couple years ago he made it public that he's experiencing a degenerative muscle disease.  So I guess I'll never get to see him play live.  The strange thing is... that he probably opened for someone at Star Lake while I was out in the parking lot tailgating.  And I was probably listening to him from the top of the steps.  But I honestly have zero recollection.

Please do not share this material with Governor Kay Ivey (R-AL), former President Donald J. Trump and/or Peter Frampton.

#321. Woke

Just another entry in the "Woke" continuation series.  This one has more commercial, widespread viability.  More to come.

Such a great ice skating rink song circa 1981.  At the time I was 11 years old.

 

Woke
sonofsaf

Damn you’re uppity, and a nerd, Fox News is to blame
‘Cause the woke's the word
Don't stop the shitting,
A real big pile
Gonna quench with jism,
All the while uh

You can learn about, pot brownie milkshake
Mother me about Mary for sake
There was no collusion, impeached and fried
Slave your retribution be denied and
Woke me, Woke me

Drink a latte with soy it tastes really swell
Woke me, woke me (woke)
Woke me, woke me
He’s the Orange Prolapse clown
Woke me, woke me
Doobie’s a pinner and Trump’s, the chicken dinner now

Is there any doubt, ‘bout the human race
Come to play a god damn disgrace
First you squirt and wet me, but keep my cockbone dried
Orange Prolapse is red see, my oh my, and

Woke me, woke me
Joy of the season you can suck Christ’s dong
Woke me, woke me
(Woke)
Woke me, woke me
Elf the shelf another toy
Woke me, woke me
Doobie’s a pinner and Trump’s, the chicken dinner now
(Woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke)

Debtor prison now
Credit card and toke
Don't let the finance fuck ya
Trust and stay woke
No musical dances
Smoke until you drop
No dropping’ your pantzes
Keister bop you just

Woke me, woke me
(Woke, woke)
Woke me, woke me
(Woke, woke)
Woke me, woke me
(Woke, woke)
Woke me, woke me
(Woke) screw it
Woke me, Woke me
(Woke)
Woke me, Woke me (cum on)
(Woke)
Woke me, woke me
(Woke)
Woke me, woke me
Doobie’s a pinner and Trump’s, the chicken dinner now

Stroke
Billy Squier

Now everybody, have you heard, if you're in the game
Then the stroke's the word
Don't take no rhythm,
Don't take no style
Gotta thirst for killin',
Grab your vial uh

Put your right hand out, give a firm handshake
Talk to me about that one big break
Spread your ear pollution, both far and wide
Keep your contributions by your side and
Stroke me, stroke me

Could be a winner boy you move mighty well
Stroke me, stroke me (stroke)
Stroke me, stroke me
You got your number down
Stroke me, stroke me
Say you're a winner but babe, you're just a sinner now

Put your left foot out, keep it all in place
Work your way right into my face
First you try to bet me, you make my backbone slide
When you find you've bled me, slip on by, and

Stroke me, stroke me
Give me the reason this is all night long
Stroke me, stroke me
(Stroke)
Stroke me, stroke me
Get yourself together boy
Stroke me, stroke me
Say you're a winner but man you're just a sinner now
(Stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke)

Better listen now
Said it ain't no joke
Don't let your conscience fail ya'
Just do the stroke
Don't ya' take no chances
Keep your eye on top
Do your fancy dances
You can't stop you just

Stroke me, stroke me
(Stroke, stroke)
Stroke me, stroke me
(Stroke, stroke)
Stroke me, stroke me
(Stroke, stroke)
Stroke me, stroke me
(Stroke) do it
Stroke me, stroke me
(Stroke)
Stroke me, stroke me (keep on)
(Stroke)
Stroke me, stroke me
(Stroke)
Stroke me, stroke me
Say you're a winner but man you're just a sinner now

Never seen Billy Squier.  But he kinda reminds me of a yinzer version of Donnie Iris.  About a year ago, while walking on the Southside, I noticed a dingy cardboard sign in a town house window that said...

Less Corona Virus, 

MORE DONNIE IRIS

Please do not share this information with Billy Squier or Donnie Iris.

#320. Woke Alma Mater

Generally speaking, there are 12 Ivy League Universities in the United States.  But these are the eight that really get under the skin of Fox News.

• Harvard University (Massachusetts)
• Yale University (Connecticut)
• Princeton University (New Jersey)
• Columbia University (New York)
• Brown University (Rhode Island)
• Dartmouth College (New Hampshire)
• University of Pennsylvania (Pennsylvania)
• Cornell University (New York)

Why?  Because they are deliberately teaching and purposely advocating all that is woke.  You woke bastards!  You see, this is patently unforgivable behavior because when all of these kids eventually graduate and get high-paying, influential jobs in finance and industry, they'll all be espousing liberal ideology --- Marxism, socialism, raising taxes, a disdain for trickle-down Reaganomics, and so on and so forth.  

It's so god damn unfair.  And yep, topping it off, all of them are politically correct agnostics and atheists.  So not only does their behavior negatively impact the quest for unbridled, hyper-capitalism, but it's also an affront to the Lord our God.  Hard to argue with that perspective, eh?

Dedicated to the late Eddie Van Halen.  I had no idea that you originally sang for Deep Purple before you landed the Van Halen gig. 

 

Woke Alma Mater
sonofsaf

We all paid up the big dough
Our education will be fine
Klingon heaven is in sto-vo-kor
No dishonor crime
Fraternity of brothers
Deem the Orange Prolapse a clown
Eric’s the really stupid one
Deserves the ground and pound

Woke alma mater
Conservatives they cry
Woke alma mater

Mickey was a fucking mouse
Minnie knew how to get down
Uh, then there’s Maude a golden shower spout
Spewing world renowned
Dead fly into Dover
A Delawarin’ Air Force Base
No Minneapolis doubt
The verdict in the Chauvin case

Woke alma mater
Conservatives they cry
Woke alma mater

Grandmaster Flash with the Hotel Motel
And the porno, sold and scared
But when the justice for all thing was denied
Turns out nobody cared
With some power white, black lines instead
Don’t matter do not fret
And just know your kiss is on my list
Hall and Oates and Oates was only five feet six

Woke alma mater
Conservatives they cry
Woke alma mater  

 

Smoke On The Water
Deep Purple

We all came out to Montreux
On the Lake Geneva shoreline
To make records with a mobile
We didn't have much time
Frank Zappa and the Mothers
Were at the best place around
But some stupid with a flare gun
Burned the place to the ground

Smoke on the water
A fire in the sky
Smoke on the water

They burned down the gambling house
It died with an awful sound
Uh, Funky Claude was running in and out
Pulling kids on the ground
When it all was over
We had to find another place
But Swiss time was running out
It seemed that we would lose the race

Smoke on the water
A fire in the sky
Smoke on the water

We ended up at the Grand Hotel
It was empty, cold, and bare
But with the Rolling truck Stones thing just outside
Making our music there
With a few red lights, a few old beds
We make a place to sweat
No matter what we get out of this
Ha, I know, I know we'll never forget

Smoke on the water
A fire in the sky
Smoke on the water 

Deep Purple has played around Pittsburgh a grand total of 14 times since way back in 1969 when I was -1 years old.  I've seen them twice.

6-15-02, Post-Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA (w/ The Scorpions)

9-1-17, KeyBank Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA (w/ Alice Cooper)

Please do not share this material with anyone who excessively uses the term "woke."

#319. Mayhem

I walk by the Heinz Field (and the PNC Park) Covid vaccination centers on pretty much a daily basis.  When they first started administering the Pfizer shots, there were lines outside that extended the entire length of a football field.  Then, a couple of weeks passed and there was rarely a line outside.  But it was still crowded.  Relatively steady walk up crowd.  Then, last week when I got my second shot, it was steadily moving but relatively sparse.  

But just this last week, there has been very little activity.  Hardly any vehicles.  In fact, the Heinz Field location seem pretty much deserted.  Just a cop with a clipboard sitting outside Gate A... who's debating whether or not to publicly pick his nose.  To pick or not to pick.  Not a good sign.

It seems there's a similar trajectory unsurprisingly manifesting itself around the country.  Coinciding with the Trumpaholics, science deniers, and Foxy fake newsers become an increasingly larger percentage of the non-vaccinated pool who identify as members of the human race.  Like I was saying.  That... was an inevitable predictability.  

Now for the China Virus, Kung Flu, whatever you wanna call it, it's my general understanding that herd immunity starts to kick in if you're able to fully vaccinate around 70%-80% of the population.  Right now we're around 40%.  Now taking into account my anecdotal, observational timeline... but more importantly, considering the blanket dumb-shitted-ness of Americans in general, I am experiencing increasingly diminished expectations for a "back to normal" summer for concerts, sports, etc. 

Sucked!

Dedicated to Mike Pompeo and all of the other Trumpian stooges who willfully and obnoxiously use the term Chinavirus. 

Mayhem
sonofsaf

Covid the kicked up drama, it's chaos time
Fuck all you vaccine seekers, shit isn’t fine
The nurses don’t care to seem to care which arm
As long as the dose is strong
Thrustin’ so true and pelvic
And too many on the far right wrong

Pfizer his Johnson Johnson, it could be wise
Moderna him ’til he’s gay, he will despise
The world won’t ever care that’s right
There’s always a dude that fights

So tragic and all (so tragic, so tragic and all)
Mayhem (so tragic and all)

Pfizer his Johnson Johnson, it could be wise
Moderna him ’til he’s gay, he will despise
The world won’t ever care that’s right
There’s always a dude that fights

So tragic and all (so tragic, so tragic and all)
Mayhem (so tragic and all)

FM
Steely Dan

Worry the bottle Mamma, it's grapefruit wine
Kick off your high heel sneakers, it's party time
The girls don't seem to care what's on
As long as they play 'til dawn
Nothin' but blues and Elvis
And somebody else's favorite song

Give her some funked up muzak, she treats you nice
Feed her some hungry reggae, she'll love you twice
The girls don't seem to care tonight
As long as the mood is right

No static at all (no static, no static at all)
FM (no static at all)

Give her some funked up muzak, she treats you nice
Feed her some hungry reggae, she'll love you twice
The girls don't seem to care tonight
As long as the mood is right

No static at all (no static, no static at all)
FM (no static at all)

Steely Dan:

7-2-00, Post Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA

8-30-06, Post Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA 

7-7-16, First Niagara Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA

10-8-18, Heinz Hall, Pittsburgh, PA 

Please do not share this information with anyone who has been fully or partially vaccinated.  Also, do not share this material with those who are unwilling to get the Covid vaccination.  In essence... do not share this material.

#318. Josh

So who's the bigger Republican douchebag with presidential aspirations in 2024?  Ted Cruz or Josh Hawley?  Good question.  Based on everything to date, I was trending Cruz.  Hands down.  But yesterday, after Hawley cast the only vote, out of all 100 U.S. Senators, AGAINST the Covid-related Asian Americans hate crime legislation...  Well now I'm thinkin' you gotta go with Hawley.

Hawley demonstrates his support for Proud Boys, Oath Keepers, Klan members, etc.

Hawley's only purpose with the 99-1 vote was to prove to all the Orange Prolapse worshiping junkies, that he can be just as an authentic indifferent reckless dangerous prick as their former cult leader.  That if you're a fringe right wing extremist bigot...  well, he's gonna be your man.  That Chinavirus vote firmly cements Hawley in the farthest right quadrant of the perceived establishment lane.  Now sit back and watch as all the other Republican Senators try to steal the show.  And display their "dutiful, groveling worth" to the ultimate loser.  Like I was saying, Hawley's sole intention was to carve out a niche amongst the rest of the worst (Ted Cruz, Tom Cotton, Rand Paul, Marco Rubio, and maybe Rick Scott).  

Congratulations!  Josh is out for blood.  

Dedicated to the voters of the Show Me State who elected Josh Hawley.  Give me your reviled, your scumbags, you racist pieces of worthless shit yearning to shit.

 

Josh
sonofsaf

Oh yeah
Oh
The knee of Chauvin must stay
This shittiest part of the white Milky Ways
Oh there was no crime just some nigger waste
Violent times can’t you see
Slave the human race

Josh wants blood
Josh wants blood
Josh wants blood, yeah

Win from their crying kill if you must
Oh he’ll protect the Caucasian needs
What's the fake news? It’s the news that throws a bone
To those who have died it gets me the fuck off

Josh wants blood
Josh wants blood
Josh wants blood, yeah

I’ve seen the cure okay, I’ll fight for their demise
Cup Foods way
While the stupid pray and sing about their sorrows
I’ll attack my way
I’ll attack, I’ll attack back to
To shatter norms and chloroform

Josh wants blood
Josh wants blood
Josh wants blood

Josh wants blood
Josh wants, Josh wants, Josh wants blood, yeah

Wash
Pearl Jam

Oh yeah
Oh
Oh please let it rain today
This city's so filthy like my mind in ways
Oh it was the time like a clean new taste
Smiling eyes before me
And tears from my face

Wash my love
Wash my love
Wash my love, yeah

Sin for sale buying just a need just
Oh who planted all the devils seeds?
And what's the truth? And the truth that lies at home
It's on the inside and I can't get it off yeah

Wash my love
Wash my love
Wash my love, yeah

What's clean is pure but hey, I'm white on the outside
Though I stray
What she don't know today might kill us both tomorrow
Bring it back someday
Bring it back, bring it back back to
To the clean form to the pure form

Wash my love
Wash my love
Wash my love

Wash my love
Wash my, wash my, wash my love, yeah

Pearl Jam:

8-25-98, Star Lake Amphitheater, Burgettstown, PA
9-5-00, Post-Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA
9-28-05, PNC Park, Pittsburgh, PA (opened for the Rolling Stones)
6-23-06, Mellon Arena, Pittsburgh, PA
10-27-09, Wachovia Spectrum, Philadelphia, PA
10-28-09, Wachovia Spectrum, Philadelphia, PA
5-6-10, Nationwide Arena, Columbus, OH
5-9-10, Quicken Loans Arena, Cleveland, OH
10-11-13, Consol Energy Center, Pittsburgh, PA
10-1-14, U.S. Bank Arena, Cincinnati, OH
9-26-15, Central Park, New York City, NY (Global Citizen Festival)
4-28-16, Wells Fargo Center, Philadelphia, PA
4-29-16, Wells Fargo Center, Philadelphia, PA

Please do not share material this with the following Republican Senators: Josh Hawley (R-MO), Ted Cruz (R-TX), Tom Cotton (R-AR), Rand Paul (R-TN), Marco Rubio (R-FL), Rick Scott (R-FL) and/or former President Donald J. Trump.

#317. LeBron

Half billionaire NBA superstar LeBron James tweeted a pic of the cop that shot and killed 16 year old, knife wielding Ma'Khia Bryant.... 

...and then quickly deleted it.  Amazing how after 4 years of the Orange Prolapse, major celebrities and sports idols still don't understand that... once it's out there, IT'S OUT THERE.  

LeBron, pay attention!  Maybe you'll learn something that money can't buy.

If anything, when you physically delete a tweet, it draws even more attention to whatever problem you were attempting to obfuscate.  The best thing you can do is... OWN IT.

Now during the McOgre's presidential reign of terror, he deleted a grand total of 1,380 tweets.  But in my estimation, this does NOT give normal human beings a pass for their own personal tweeting transgressions.  For he was, and still is, and will always be... the Orange Prolapse.  And THAT, is a titanic distinction. 

Dedicated to the family and friends of Ma'Khia Bryant.

 

LeBron
sonofsaf

Supremacy, into the mic.
I’m gonna say, we know the crime.
Proud Boys are calling, Republicans stalling.

It’s on!
LeBron!

My pole won the vault, basket balling hear my cry.
We smoke the chronic, drink gin and tonic, fuckin’ with lime.

White power sin, show them the light
Better deal me in, less from the Third Reich
The Third Reich, The Third Reich, The Third Reich.
Proud Boys are calling, Republicans stalling.

It’s on!
LeBron!

My pole won the vault, basket balling hear my cry.
We smoke the chronic, drink gin and tonic, fuckin’ with lime.

Their crime.
Their crime.

He’ll be denied.
She’ll be denied.
Fuckin’ with lime.
They’ll be denied.

It’s on!
LeBron!

It’s on!
LeBron!

It’s on!
LeBron!

It’s on!
It’s on!

LeBron!

It’s On
Korn

Save some for me, it's what I like.
I wanna play, you know it's time.
Something is calling, I can't keep from falling.

Come on!
It's on!

You'll see it's my fault, angels stabbing me inside.
Nothing changes, just rearranges, for me this time.

Once I give in, what can I fight?
I can never win, my self I don't like,
I don't like, I don't like, I don't like.
Something is calling, I can't keep from falling.

Come on!
It's on!

You'll see it's my fault, angels stabbing me inside.
Nothing changes, just rearranges, for me this time.

This time.
This, time.

Pull me inside.
Put me inside.
Hold me this time.
Put me inside.

Come on!
It's on!

Come on!
It's on!

Come on!
It's on!

Come on!
Come on!

IT'S ON!

Korn:

9-21-99, Civic Arena, Pittsburgh, PA (Family Values Tour)

8-18-00, Post-Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA

8-25-16, First Niagara Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA

Please do not share this information with LeBron James, the family and friends of the late Ma'Khia Bryant, and/or Columbus police officer Nicholas Reardon who shot her 4 times which likely resulted in her death.

 

#316. Cold Liz

Liz Cheney (R-WY), daughter of former Vice President and talented marksman Dick Cheney, is spearheading the 2022 charge against Donald Trump.  She did the unthinkable.  After the attempted coup d'etat, she had the audacity to vote to impeach the Orange Prolapse.  To the Republican base, this was the scrambled eggs, Benedict Arnold, traitorous equivalent of "shock and awe."

(The old Liz would've sold her soul for a Trumpy Sharpie)

 

But the new Liz is staking her political future in hopes that the majority of the Republican Party will eventually come around and return to a minimal degree of normalcy.  As of right now, I just don't see that happening.  However, if I was DNC chairman Jamie Harrison, I'd exploit the hell out of this rift (behind the scenes).  Cheney represents what's left of the establishment guard of the GOP.  And it's gonna be them vs. the new wave of demented Trump sycophants.  

Divide and conquer.  Rather than break the bank, you simply encourage the Republican party to duke it out amongst themselves.  Vastly more cost effective.

Dedicated to Liz's mom... Lynne Cheney.  While penning this parody, I originally confused the mother-daughter combo.  The song was supposed to be entitled "Cold Lynne."   Which is far superior. Phonetically speaking of course.  

 

Cold Liz
sonofsaf

Whoo, alright
Voters are woke she don’t want fired
Dems eat gruel in the muck and mire
Political whore, gimme a shout, yeah
There’s nothing wrong, she’s got the clout

Ooh, the cold Liz will defriend
You know she’s daddy’s kin
Cold Liz ’til the end
Won’t kiss the orange prolapse ring
Wanna taste what’s better, ow

Time to deceive and freeze a plantar wart
Along the border I got a cold sore
Haha, Republicans ain’t got no weed
Just raisin’ cash, why would you pretend

Ooh, the cold Liz will defriend
You know she’s daddy’s kin
Cold Liz ’til the end
Won’t kiss the orange prolapse ring
Wanna taste what’s better, ow

Whoa yeah
Ooh, the cold Liz will defriend
You know she’s daddy’s kin
Cold Liz ’til the end
Won’t kiss the orange prolapse ring
Wanna taste what’s better, ow  

 

Cold Gin
Kiss

Whoo, alright
My heater's broke and I'm so tired
I need some fuel to build a fire
The girl next door, her lights are out, yeah
The landlord's gone, I'm down and out

Ooh, it's cold gin time again
You know it'll always win
Cold gin time again
You know it's the only thing
That keeps us together, ow

It's time to leave and get another quart
Around the corner at the liquor store
Haha, the cheapest stuff is all I need
To get me back on my feet again

Ooh, it's cold gin time again
You know it'll always win
It's cold gin time again
You know it's the only thing
That keeps us together, ow

Whoa yeah
Ooh, it's cold gin time again
You know it'll always win
It's cold gin time again
You know it's the only thing
That keeps us together, ow

Kiss:

3-27-97, Civic Center, Wheeling, WV

5-26-00, Post-Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA

8-21-03, Post-Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA

7-4-04, Post-Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA

12-13-09, Mellon Arena, Pittsburgh, PA

7-29-10, First Niagara Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA

9-2-12, First Niagara Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA

8-24-14, First Niagara Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA

8-26-16, Covelli Centre, Youngstown, OH

3-30-19, PPG Paints Arena, Pittsburgh, PA

Please do not share this information with any members of the Cheney family and/or the now 94 year old Harry Whittington. He's the guy Dick Cheney shot in the face while quail hunting.

 

#315. You Greitened My Wife

Senator Roy Blunt (R-MO) is retiring at the end of his term.   This will leave a bigtime Republican vacancy in the Show Me State.  Missouri desperately needs some solid, Midwest values driven representation to stand alongside Klansman Josh Hawley, the sole member of the U.S. Senate to vote against the recent Covid-inspired Asian American hate crimes bill.  Much to the dismay of Hawley, the legislation passed 99-1. 

Anyway, the Republican's best shot is former Jew-Gov, Eric Greitens (pronounced Grite-ens)

 

He announced his bid for the seat last month.  But keep in mind, he resigned from the Governor's office because of a lurid sex scandal in 2018.  He was having an affair with his hairdresser.  And he allegedly became violent when she admitted that she was still sleeping with her husband.  So, Greitens did what most men would do.  He snapped some nude photos of her while she was cuffed and blindfolded and threatened to post them on the internet if she went to the press and divulged their illicit affair.  The extortion attempt didn't pan out quite like he had planned.  His wife Sheena dumped his ass, took the kids, moved to Texas, and filed for divorce.

Nonetheless, he's back.  And not only that, but Orange Prolapse sinister underling Kimberly Guilfoyle will be managing his campaign.  Good choice.  I'm predicting that Guilfoyle, at some point, ditches Donald Jr. and hooks up with Greitens.   

Let's dedicate this parody to the ex-husband of Eric Greitens' former hairstylist.

You Greitened My Wife
sonofsaf

Good thing I’m white in Missouri you know
Bating for some fun the cum will be strong
Such heavy cream from the penis of me
Aboard Noah’s ark, you’ll see plenty of dongs

And you Greitened my wife
You packed my dope deep in a bong
You light up the way
And smoke despite it’s wrong

Fuck you fuck me, and don’t call me daughter
Missouri misery give myself a loan
Misery, it loves to say "Hey, I hate you"
And to defriend to mock and to stone

'Cause you Greitened my wife
You packed my dope deep in a bong
You light up the way
And smoke despite it’s wrong

'Cause you Greitened my wife
You packed my dope deep in a bong
You light up the way
And smoke despite it’s wrong

No Cheech and Chong
No munchies to bite
'Cause you, you Greitened my wife

You Light Up My Life
Debby Boone

So many nights I'd sit by my window
Waiting for someone to sing me his song
So many dreams I kept deep inside me
Alone in the dark, but now you've come along

And you light up my life
You give me hope to carry on
You light up my days
And fill my nights with song

Rollin' at sea, adrift on the water
Could it be finally I'm turning for home
Finally, a chance to say, "Hey, I love you"
Never again to be all alone

'Cause you light up my life
You give me hope to carry on
You light up my days
And fill my nights with song

'Cause you, you light up my life
You give me hope to carry on
You light up my days
And fill my nights with song

It can't be wrong
When it feels so right
'Cause you, you light up my life

The 2022 Missouri Senate race could end up being an "evangelical, nationwide referendum" on all of the Trump-backed candidates during the next election cycle.  If I was running the DNC, that's how I'd spin it. 

Never seen Debby Boone perform live.  Then again, I don't spend a lot of time on the megachurch bingo circuit.

Please do not share this information with former Governor Eric Greitens (R-MO), his ex-wife Sheena Greitens, and/or members of the Reform B'nai El Synagogue.

#314. Happy Earth Day

I wouldn't be entirely shocked if someone has already written this exact parody verbatim.

Happy Earth Day
sonofsaf

Happy Earth Day fuck you
Happy Earth Day fuck you
Happy Earth Day dear planet
Happy Earth Day fuck you

Happy Birthday
Unknown

Happy Birthday to You
Happy Birthday to You
Happy Birthday Dear (name)
Happy Birthday to You.

Mason and I took a Megabus to the 2015 Global Citizen Festival in Central Park.  Probably the closest I've ever come to an Earth Day.  Granted, I went to a couple of Farm Aids at Star Lake.  And I once purchased a thousand "recycling stickers" back in the mid 90's.  But that's about it.  Truth be told, I'm nothing but a pimple on the ass of Al Gore.  Gore!

Please do not share this information with any human inhabitants of the planet earth.

#313. Earth Day

Earth Day celebrations commenced in the year of 1970.  Since then, fifty one years of climactic joy have passed.

 

I think it's safe to say that the climate has gotten progressively worse every single year.  And then an Orange Prolapse comes out of nowhere and purposely does everything he can to exacerbate the problem.  Mostly out of a retributive desire to own the libtards.  E-gad. 

So after the human race goes extinct (and it will, likely sooner than later),  it will be the insect race that takes over (like a fly on shit).  The question is... will the bugs do a better job of presiding over the planet earth?  I believe they will.  Maybe we could bring back Pittsburgh native Jeff Goldblum in some kind of "fly-wishing" leadership role.

 

Earth Day
sonofsaf

You call it the Earth Day
Earth Day’s not for you, yeah
They call it the Earth Day
We’ll destroy it in no time
Be sad on your Earth Day
Shitty Earth Day fuck you

Yeah the air is kinda farty, farty
Yeah the air is kinda farty, farty
Yeah the air is kinda farty, farty

We don’t give us a chance (Earth Day)
Fuck the ro-ro-ro-mance (Earth Day)
We don’t give us a chance (Earth Day)
Ooo, chance, yeah

We don’t give us a chance (Earth Day)
Fuck the ro-ro-ro-mance (Earth Day)
We don’t give us a chance (Earth Day)
Ooo, chance

You call it the Earth Day
Earth Day’s not for you, yeah
They call it the Earth Day
We’ll destroy it in no time
Be sad on your Earth Day
Shitty Earth Day fuck you
Shitty Earth Day fuck you

Birthday
Paul McCartney

You say it's your birthday
It's my birthday too, yeah
They say it's you birthday
We're gonna have a good time
I'm glad it's your birthday
Happy birthday to you

Yes we're going to a party, party
Yes we're going to a party, party
Yes we're going to a party, party

I would like you to dance (birthday)
Take a cha-cha-cha-chance (birthday)
I would like you to dance (birthday)
Ooo, dance, yeah

I would like you to dance (birthday)
Take a cha-cha-cha-chance (birthday)
I would like you to dance (birthday)
Ooo, dance

You say it's your birthday
It's my birthday too, yeah
They say it's you birthday
We're gonna have a good time
I'm glad it's your birthday
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you

Paul McCartney:

2-12-90, Riverfront Coliseum, Cincinnati, OH

4–29-02, Gund Arena, Cleveland, OH

8-18-10, Consol Energy Center, Pittsburgh, PA

7-7-14, Consol Energy Center, Pittsburgh, PA

Please do not share this material with the human inhabitants of the planet earth.

#312. Brad

My WV protege Brad Paisley was on MSNBC yesterday morning.  Launching a Covid awareness pitch and promoting the vaccines so we can "all get back to normal."  Let's fill up those empty stadiums, ballparks and arenas.

 

Brad, just between you and me, if you're really interested in moving forward and altering the status quo,  how about you explicitly tell fans that... LEGITIMATE emergency venue evacuation orders would NEVER be delivered via their personal cell phones or mobile wireless devices.  Why?  Because if a scenario like this were to unfold, a malicious actor is trying to kill and maim innocent individuals by fomenting a sudden, mass panic potentially resulting in an "artificially generated stampede."

Just some friendly public safety info that the government and private industry are unwilling to disseminate.  Well, until something like it happens, or at the very least, is attempted.  Hint: insurrection.

Dedicated to any musician who would have the courage to tell people the truth.  So ironically, this parody is dedicated to absolutely nobody.

Brad
sonofsaf

It’s Country Time
Lemonade all night
Leather and lace
Naughty and white
I ain’t a Jew
No Matzo Meal
Manischewitz Wine
A kosher deal
Cum On, Cum On,
Let’s ham it up tonight

I say P U.
Just wait and see
You’re smelling rough
It’s you not me
In a cunt-tree zoo
All the way down South
Paisley Park’s my name
Three strikes and yer out

Well they say Snoop Dogg’s the shiznit
And his Nineteen Crimes are true
In the end he wasn’t bluffing
Just cut the deck and screw

Because he’s Brad, he’s Brad
Cum on
(Brad Brad-really, really Brad)
You know he’s Brad, he’s Brad
You know it
(Brad Brad-really, really Brad)
You know he’s Brad, he’s Brad
Cum on, you know
(Brad Brad-really, really Brad)
Country Music’s handin’ out awards right now
And his facebook needs a friend
Who's Brad…

No need to pout
Or sing a song
Gonna fuck you up
With a West Lib bong
These chicken thighs
And a cold Bud Light
You know whazzup
Wasabi bite
Bob Weir’s a creep
The Dead’s the plan
Yer Throwing Stones >
NFA man

But they say Snoop Dogg’s the shiznit
And his Nineteen Crimes are true
In the end he wasn’t bluffing
Just cut the deck and screw

Because he’s Brad, he’s Brad
Cum On
(Brad Brad-really, really Brad)
You know he’s Brad, he’s Brad
You know It
(Brad Brad-really, really Brad)
You know he’s Brad, he’s Brad
You know it, You know
(Brad Brad-really, really Brad)
Country Music’s handin’ out awards right now
(Country Music’s handin’ out awards right now)
And his facebook needs a friend,
(And his facebook needs a friend)
Who's Brad…

All the black girls watched in sorrow
Derek Chauvin carried mace
Doesn’t matter if you’re prayin’
Go fuck the human race…

Because he’s Brad, he’s Brad
Cum On
(Brad Brad-really, really Brad)
You know he’s Brad, he’s Brad
You know it
(Brad Brad-really, really Brad)
You know he’s Brad, I'm Brad
You know it, you know
(Brad Brad-really, really Brad)

Woo! Woo! Woo!
(Country Music’s handin’ out awards right now
And his facebook needs a friend)…
You know he’s Brad, he’s Brad
Cum On
(Brad Brad-really, really Brad)
You know he’s Brad, he’s Brad
You know it-you know it
(Brad Brad-really, really Brad)
You know, you know, you
Know, cum on
(Brad Brad-really, really Brad)
Country Music’s handin’ out awards right now
(Country Music’s handin’ out awards right now)
And his facebook
(And his facebook needs a friend)

You know he’s nude, he’s
Brad, you know it
(Brad Brad-really, really Brad)
You know he’s Brad, he’s
Brad baby
(Brad Brad-really, really Brad)
You know, you know, you
Know it, Cum on
(Brad Brad-really, really Brad)
Country Music’s handin’ out awards right now
(Country Music’s handin’ out awards right now)
Woo!
(And his facebook needs a friend)

You know he’s Brad, he’s Brad
You know it
(Brad Brad-really, really Brad)
You know he’s Brad-you
Know-hoo!
(Brad Brad-really, really Brad)
You know he’s  Brad-he’s Bad-
You know it, you know
(Brad Brad-really, really Brad)
Country Music’s handin’ out awards right now
(Country Music’s handin’ out awards right now)
And his facebook needs a friend
(And his facebook needs a friend)
Who's Brad?

Fat
Weird Al Yankovic

Your Butt Is Mine
Gonna Take You Right
Just Show Your Face
In Broad Daylight
I'm Telling You
On How I Feel
Gonna Hurt Your Mind
Don't Shoot To Kill
Come On, Come On,
Lay It On Me All Right

I'm Giving You
On Count Of Three
To Show Your Stuff
Or Let It Be
I'm Telling You
Just Watch Your Mouth
I Know Your Game
What You're About

Well They Say The Sky's
The Limit
And To Me That's Really True
But My Friend You Have
Seen Nothing
Just Wait 'Til I Get Through

Because I'm Bad, I'm Bad-
Come On
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)
You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad-
You Know It
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)
You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad-
Come On, You Know
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)
And The Whole World Has To
Answer Right Now
Just To Tell You Once Again,
Who's Bad . . .

The Word Is Out
You're Doin' Wrong
Gonna Lock You Up
Before Too Long,
Your Lyin' Eyes
Gonna Take You Right
So Listen Up
Don't Make A Fight,
Your Talk Is Cheap
You're Not A Man
You're Throwin' Stones
To Hide Your Hands

But They Say The Sky's
The Limit
And To Me That's Really True
And My Friends You Have
Seen Nothin'
Just Wait 'Til I Get Through

Because I'm Bad, I'm Bad-
Come On
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)
You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad
You Know It
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)
You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad
You Know It, You Know
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)
And The Whole World Has To
Answer Right Now
(And The Whole World Has To
Answer Right Now)
Just To Tell You Once Again,
(Just To Tell You Once Again)
Who's Bad . . .

We Can Change The World
Tomorrow
This Could Be A Better Place
If You Don't Like What I'm
Sayin'
Then Won't You Slap My
Face . . .

Because I'm Bad, I'm Bad
Come On
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)
You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad
You Know It
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)
You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad
You Know It, You Know
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)

Woo! Woo! Woo!
(And The Whole World Has
To Answer Right Now
Just To Tell You Once
Again . . .)
You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad
Come On
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)
You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad
You Know It-You Know It
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)
You Know, You Know, You
Know, Come On
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)
And The Whole World Has To
Answer Right Now
(And The Whole World Has To
Answer Right Now)
Just To Tell You
(Just To Tell You Once Again)

You Know I'm Smooth, I'm
Bad, You Know It
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)
You Know I'm Bad, I'm
Bad Baby
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)
You Know, You Know, You
Know It, Come On
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)
And The Whole World Has To
Answer Right Now
(And The Whole World Has To
Answer Right Now)
Woo!
(Just To Tell You Once Again)

You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad
You Know It
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)
You Know I'm Bad-You
Know-Hoo!
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)
You Know I'm Bad-I'm Bad-
You Know It, You Know
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)
And The Whole World Has To
Answer Right Now
(And The Whole World Has To
Answer Right Now)
Just To Tell You Once Again
(Just To Tell You Once
Again
Who's Bad?

I've seen Brad play countless times.  More than I'd care to admit.  A few Linsly Extravaganzas at the Capitol Music Hall, at West Liberty State College out in the quad, Wheeling's downtown Wharf Amphitheater, Oglebay, Star Lake, Jamboree In The Hills, a jamboree in my dreams, etc. 

But more importantly, I watched Weird Al Yankovic perform a matinee slot at Jambo from my Oglebay Village apartment.  (July 14, 2000: televised live on WTOV-9)  He closed it out with a phat Fat.  Predictably, the drunken country music inbreds of Wheeling and East Ohio tried to boo him off the stage.  Hardly a shocker. 

Feel free to share this information with Brad Paisley and/or Weird Al Yankovic.