#3543. Melissa

Hurricane Melissa is currently reeking havoc in Jamaica.

Speaking of things that reek...

the Orange Prolapse...

will soon be meeting with China's President Xi Jinping.

Meanwhile, the government shutdown enters into its first month.

 

 

Melissa
sonofsaf

Stop stealing votes from all the pollsters
Salad’s tossed in toilet stall
Pray to BeBest, and build a wall amidst the scandals
Melania Slovenian whore wife

Melissa, hurricane
Melissa, bringing the pain

Jamaican bitch
Category five hooray

Melissa, MAGA is chugging Bud Light
Melissa, MAGA will fight 
An infection of the yeast
The yeast must rise
The big lie is a shame to sell
 
Melissa, welcomes Stormy
Melissa, Lake affair

Orange Prolapse says the news is fake
Mistaken for the enemy

 

Melissa
King Diamond

I'm kneeling in front of the altar
Satan's cross upon the wall
Strange emptiness, a crystal ball between two candles
Melissa has entered another life

Melissa, you were mine
Melissa, you were the light

She was a witch
Why did they take you away?

Melissa, you were the queen of the night
Melissa, you were my light
I swear revenge on the priest
The priest must die
He must die in the name of Hell

Melissa, can you hear me?
Melissa, are you there?

Nothing is left outside at the stake
They're taken her away from me 

 

This parody is admittedly pretty weak.  Not a lot to work with. 

From 1988 to the present, King Diamond has satanized the Burgh a grand total of 6 times. 

King Diamond:

8-24-88, Bogart's, Cincinnati, OH (Their stage manager, "Ole Bang", tried to seduce me backstage.  No joke, that's his real name.  And yeah, he did.  Totally fucked up.  Very creepy in retrospect.  Flotsam and Jetsam opened.)

Unsure of the exact date in 1989, Bogart's, Cincinnati, OH  (I searched on it and it's as if this particular concert has been deleted from the history of rock'n'roll.  I saw some lanky dude get killed during the opening act (Armored Saint).  Maybe during "Chemical Euphoria."  He took a karate kick to the chest on the outer periphery of the pit.  I'm assuming he died from cardiac arrest.  Assailant just vanished.  I was in the parking lot about to be interviewed by the local news and someone came running up to the female reporter and said, "The King is gonna speak.  He's gonna issue a statement"  Her and the camera guy ditched me and headed into the Bogart's back door entrance.

11-28-89, South Hills Theater, Pittsburgh, PA (As the show ended, I'll never forget the crowd's reaction.  Utter disbelief.  Total silence.  The house lights kicked on as Grandma met her demise.  You could've heard a pin drop.)

10-19-14, Stage AE, Pittsburgh, PA

7-8-15, First Niagara Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA (co-headlined with Slayer)

11-23-15, Stage AE, Pittsburgh, PA (we gave out personalized tea bags)

The Big Lie 100:

#3412.  Epstein Files (Million Miles --- Fuel)

#3413.  Nancy Mace (Cyberspace --- AC/DC)

#3414.  Nancy Mace (Paper Chase --- The Academy Is...)

#3415.  Sarah Qudah (Barracuda --- Heart) 

#3416.  Bolton Bummer (Golden Slumbers --- Paul McCartney)

#3417.  Jeff Crank (Blood Bank --- Macabre)

#3418.  Donald Trump's A Total Shitshow (Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go --- Wham)

#3419.  Laura E. Loomer (I Heard A Rumor --- Bananarama)

#3420.  Gor (War --- Son Lux)

#3421.  Gor (War --- The Exploited)

#3422.  Fat Orange Man (Sharp Dressed Man --- ZZ Top)

#3423.  Senator Rounds (Comforting Sounds --- Mew)

#3424.  Trump Center (Tormentor --- Kreator)

#3425.  Gor (War --- The Cardigans) 

#3426.  O'Neill (The Wheel --- Grateful Dead)

#3427.  Fuck Ashli Babbitt (I Am A Rabbitt --- The Lemonheads)

#3428.  Ernst Was For Sale (Cursed Female --- Porno For Pyros)

#3429.  Donald Clown (Golden Brown --- The Stranglers)

#3430.  Jim O'Neill (Heart Of Steel --- A Flock Of Seagulls)

#3431.  Cracker's A Barrel (Roll Out The Barrel --- West Coast Prost)

#3432.  Scumbag Nancy Mace (Scumbag Human Race --- Destruction)

#3433.  Trump (Plump --- Hole)

#3434.  Laura Loomer (Sense Of Humor --- Daniel Johnston)

#3435.  Ashley Hinson (Turning Crimson --- IAMX)

#3436.  Dana White (Satellite --- Depeche Mode)

#3437.  Dana White (Dynamite --- Scorpions)

#3438.  Dana White (Satellite --- All Time Low)

#3439.  Dana White (One More Night --- Phil Collins)

#3440.  White (Night --- Judy Collins)

#3441.  Dana White (Fly By Night --- Rush)

#3442.  Dana White (Silent Night --- Taylor Swift)

#3443.  White (Fight --- The Cure)

#3444.  Dana White (Satellite --- Brian Jonestown Massacre)

#3445.  Trump Is Inbred (Over My Head --- Alabama Shakes)

#3446.  Amicola (Ayatollah --- Catfish And The Bottlemen)

#3447.  Charlie Kirk (Dirty Work --- Steely Dan)

#3448.  Charlie Kirk Sold Out (We Can Work It Out --- The Beatles)

#3449.  White's Cum (nightcum --- Corbin)

#3450.  Dana White (Satellite --- Guster)

#3451.  Tyler Robinson (Mrs. Robinson --- Simon & Garfunkel)

#3452.  Dana White (See The Light --- Hillsong Worship)

#3453.  Buffalo Bills (Run To The Hills --- Iron Maiden)

#3454.  Russ Diamond (Black Diamond --- Kiss)

#3455.  Tyrus (Iris --- Goo Goo Dolls)

#3456.  Tyrus (Iris --- The Breeders)

#3457.  Tyrus (Iris --- Live)

#3458.  Blow Dana White (Go Fly A Kite --- Bing Crosby)

#3459.  Russ Diamond (Black Diamond --- Bee Gees)

#3460.  Charlie Kirk (Dirty Work --- Sunami)

#3461.  The Orange Prolapse Stain (I Can't Stand The Rain --- Tina Turner)

#3462.  Tyrus (Iris --- Pastel Ghost)

#3463.  Fuck Dana White (The Inner Light --- The Beatles)

#3464.  Antifa (Amnesia --- The Vines)

#3465.  Antifa (Amnesia --- Mr. Kittie)

#3466.  Jimmy Kimmel (Sacrificial --- Death)

#3467.  Tits Are Fake (Cups And Cakes --- Spinal Tap)

#3468.  Dumbfuck Bondi (Must Crush Barbie --- Spinal Tap)

#3469.  Blowing In Mar-a-Lago (Going To California --- Led Zeppelin)

#3470.  The UFC And Dana White (I'm Beginning To See The Light --- Frank Sinatra)

#3471.  Donald Loved Stormy (Gimme Some Money --- Spinal Tap)

#3472.  Jerry Jeudy (Heavy Duty --- Judas Priest)

#3473.  Antifa (Amnesia --- Saga)

#3474.  Congressman Don Bacon (Bringing Home The Bacon --- Procol Harum)

#3475.  Brendan Carr (Drive My Car --- The Beatles)

#3476.  Trump Gold Card (Cop Graveyard --- Teen Suicide)

#3477.  Trump Dump Forever (Hell Bent For Leather)

#3478.  Trump Dump World (Stupid Girl --- Garbage)

#3479.  Trump Is A Shitshow (Come To My Window --- Melissa Etheridge) 

#3480.  Gold Card (Graveyard --- Blue Rodeo)

#3481.  Halligan's Big Lie (Mulligan's Goodbye --- Hamilton)

#3482.  Prosecutor Halligan (Alexander Hamilton --- Hamilton

#3483.  Dirty Cop (Coffee Shop --- Red Hot Chili Peppers)

#3484.  Dirty Cop (Lollipop --- The Chordettes)

#3485.  Dirty Cop (Candy Shop --- 50 Cent & Olivia)

#3486.  SLIMEBALL (Rag Doll --- Franki Valli & The Four Seasons)

#3487.  Dirty Cop (Lollipop --- Treblemakers)

#3488.  Trump Shutdown (Lay It Down --- Ratt)

#3489.  The Donald's Trumpin' And Dumpin' (You've Got Another Thing Comin' --- Judas Priest)

#3490.  Slimeball (Rag Doll --- Aerosmith)

#3491.  The Donald Shutdown (The Final Countdown --- Europe)

#3492.  Shutdown (Downtown --- Petula Clark)

#3493.  Shutdown Street (Shakedown Street --- Grateful Dead)

#3494.  Shutdown (Breakdown --- Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers)

#3495.  Trump Shut Shit Down (Don't Bring Me Down --- Electric Light Orchestra)

#3496.  Jared Kushner's A Jew (What I Like About You --- The Romantics)

#3497.  Shutdown (Slow Down --- Ozzy Osbourne)

#3498.  Pete Hegseth (Kiss of Death --- Dokken)

#3499.  Peter Hegseth (Angel Of Death --- Slayer)

#3500.  Fake News (Bad News --- Zach Bryan)

#3501.  Trumpin'  (Truckin' --- Grateful Dead)

#3502.  Donald's Hair & Andy Barr (Kitchenwares & Candy Bars --- Stone Temple Pilots)

#3503.  Pete Hegseth (Kiss Of Death --- New Order)

#3504.  Univision (Television --- Stabbing Westward)

#3505.  Nobel Peace Prize (Devil Inside --- INXS)

#3506.  Scavino (Don't You Know --- The Hollies)

#3507.  Trump Fucked Stormy (Pump Dat Party --- Chemical Brothers)

#3508.  Donald J. Trump (Mutual Slump --- DJ Shadow)

#3509.  Scavino (Don't You Know --- DEVO)

#3510.  Trump (Slump --- Ginger Root)

#3511.  Dumping In Mar-A-Lago (Humping On Your Stereo --- Supergrass)

#3512.  Meloni (Bologna --- Oscar Meyer Commercial)

#3513.  Kushner's A Fucking Jew (Making Our Dreams Come True --- Cyndi Grecco)

#3514.  Scott Kenneth Bessent (Under The Crescent --- Lake Of Tears)

#3515.  Disarm (Disarm --- Smashing Pumpkins)

#3516.  Vince Fong (Bird Song --- Grateful Dead)

#3517.  Scott Bessent's Face (Incessant Mace --- Soundgarden)

#3518.  Kirk Was A Bitch (Working The Ditch --- Melvins)

#3519.  Blue Slip (One Slip --- Pink Floyd)

#3520.  Gallrein (Cocaine --- Eric Clapton)

#3521.  Thune Plan (Spoonman --- Soundgarden)

#3522.  Scott Bessent's Gay (Fluorescent Grey)

#3523.  Ed Gallrein (Ball And Chain --- The Who)

#3524.  Matt Van Epps (Baby Steps --- Olivia Dean)

#3525.  William Crain (Mary Jane --- Spin Doctors)

#3526.  William Crain (Gravy Train --- Staus Quo)

#3527.  Cole (Hole --- Jimmie's Chicken Shack)

#3528.  Donald Trump And Paul Gosar (Anyone Can Play Guitar --- Radiohead)

#3529.  Ballroom Shit (Ballroom Blitz --- Krokus)

#3530.  Ballroom (Perfume --- Old 97's)

#3531.  Ballroom Bullshit (Courtroom Spirit --- Annette Soundtrack)

#3532.  Sununu (Who Are You --- Black Sabbath)

#3533.  Brad Little's Turds (Three Little Birds --- Bob Marley & The Wailers)

#3534.  'Vanka's A Jew (Still Loving You --- Scorpions)

#3535.  Donald's In Charge (Charles In Charge --- Sitcom theme song)

#3536.  Andrew Clyde (Suicide --- Teen Suicide)

#3537.  (Ice Team) --- ((Nice Dream) --- Radiohead)

#3538.  Arctic Frost (Holocaust --- Ceremony)

#3539.  Arctic Frost (Holocaust --- Dan England & John Ford Coley)

#3540.  Tylenol (Waterfall --- Bananarama)

#3541.  Tylenol (Cannonball --- The Breeders)

#3542.  Arctic Frost (Holocaust --- Son Volt)

#3543.  Melissa (Melissa -- King Diamond) 

Please do not share this material with those impacted by Hurricane Melissa and/or President Donald J. Trump.