Thursday, December 14, 2023

#2255. Playin' The Browns

With Joe Flacco leading the way, the Cleveland Browns are currently in the AFC wildcard hunt (#5).  I remember back when Flacco was with the Ravens.  They called him "Back In Flack" (AC/DC)

Trent Dilfer too.

Ah yes, the hidden lift-up signs.

Let's take the venerable National Football League and try to think outside the box.  Conventional wisdom and bourgeois conformity demand that you pick a favorite team and root for them accordingly.  So how about we employ a negative feedback loop?  Instead of cheering for one specific team, why don't we focus our collective energy on doing the exact opposite?  Let's boo, heckle and demonize the 31 other teams.  Screw the passion.  Let's systematically embrace the rancor.  Fuck the love and adoration.  Let's maximize the hatred and malice.  This whole concept is corroborated by the CFL too.  No, not the Canadian Football League.  This is a Costanza Feedback Loop.  After all, if every instinct you have is wrong, the opposite would have to be right.  Right?

It's the reason I write. (chapter 2)

I've penned two other books about the NFL as well.  Not Fucking Love and Never Forget Losing.

But this parody's about the Browns.


Butt back here in the Burgh (In the alley off Market Square.  Formidable, colossal, epic)

Send in the Browns indeed.



Playin’ The Browns

Cold as a bitch, wind isn’t fair
First Energy’s silent sound
We do not care
Playin’ the Browns
Color of shit, they often lose
Ohio’s a battleground
Something to prove
They are the Browns
Playin’ the Browns
Can’t run or block passing’s a chore
Job they are blowing The Fumble they wanted to score
Breaking their defense again it’s a blow-out affair
Hard to describe
Football impaired
Joe Flacco he starts,
Chubb’s out for the year,
Team’s so nonchalant, nonchalant
Playoffs they fear!
Fuck the Cleveland Browns
We’re sick of the Browns
Just playin’ the Browns
Stefanski lies,
They need to try something new
Not more obscenity
The Ravens their enemy
It’s a purple display
QB he tries
Throws it away
Season’s a bitch, year after year
Bitching and whining Super Bowl isn’t near
Fuck the Cleveland Browns
Just playin’ the Browns
Bud Light is their beer


Send In The Clowns
Barbara Streisand

Isn't it rich, are we a pair
Me here at last on the ground
You in mid-air
Send in the clowns
Isn't it bliss, don't you approve
One who keeps tearing around
One who can't move
Where are the clowns
Send in the clowns
Just when I'd stopped opening doors
Finally knowing the one that I wanted was yours
Making my entrance again with my usual flair
Sure of my lines
No one is there
Don't you love a farce,
My fault I fear,
I thought that you'd want what I want
Sorry my dear!
But where are the clowns
There ought to be clowns
Quick send in the clowns
What a surprise,
Who could foresee?
I'd come to feel about you
What you felt about me?
Why only now when I see
That you've drifted away?
What a surprise...
What a cliche...
Isn't it rich, isn't it queer
Losing my timing this late in my career
And where are the clowns
Quick send in the clowns
Don't bother, they're here 


Barbara Streisand has never performed in the Burgh.  So... Babs or Krusty the Klown?  Tough call.

One of them is crusty.  The other is Krusty.     


Cleveland Browns:

10-22-00, Three Rivers Stadium, Pittsburgh, PA

9-16-01, Heinz Field, Pittsburgh, PA

11-13-05, Heinz Field, Pittsburgh, PA

11-11-07, Heinz Field, Pittsburgh, PA

12-29-13, Heinz Field, Pittsburgh, PA

9-7-14, Heinz Field, Pittsburgh, PA

11-15-15, Heinz Field, Pittsburgh, PA

1-1-17, Heinz Field, Pittsburgh, PA

12-31-17, Heinz Field, Pittsburgh, PA

10-28-18, Heinz Field, Pittsburgh, PA

12-1-19, Heinz Field, Pittsburgh, PA

The Big Lie 100: (#1391)

#2216.  For Trump (Her Strut --- Bob Seger)

#2217.  Mark Green (Green Beans --- Animal Collective)

#2218.  Song For The Trumped (Song For The Dumped --- Ben Folds Five)

#2219.  Trumped (Chumped --- Joyce Manor)

#2220.  Lahmeyer (Desire --- U2)

#2221.  Trumper (Kiss --- Strutter)

#2222.  Prolapse Stain: Forty-Five (Morning Train: Nine To Five --- Sheena Easton)

#2223.  Strong (Wrong --- Lindsey Buckingham)

#2224.  Gilberry (Hail Mary --- Alice Cooper)

#2225.  Perry's Pissed (Cherry Twist --- Crystal Method)

#2226.  Go Musk Yourself (Go Fuck Yourself --- Two Feet)

#2227.  Perry (Cherry - U.F.O.)

#2228.  Strong Is A Clown (Wrong Side Of Town)

#2229.  Trumpy Little Bitch And Cunt (Crazy Little Thing Called Love --- Queen)

#2230.  Gilberry (Hail Mary --- Testament)

#2231.  Christian Ziegler (Sister Christian --- Night Ranger)

#2232.  Forty-Five (9 to 5 --- Dolly Parton)

#2233.  Tesla Sucks (Thunderstruck --- AC/DC)

#2234.  5K (Birthday --- Paul McCartney)

#2235.  Florida State Got Fuckin' Screwed (Overweight But Over You)

#2236.  Kennedy (Ecstasy --- PJ Harvey)

#2237.  Mr. Kevin Cramer (Mr. Entertainer --- Men At Work)

#2238.  Kennedy (Faithfully --- Journey)

#2239.  Strong (Wrong --- Waylon Jennings)

#2240.  DeNiro (My Hero --- Foo Fighters)

#2241.  Swift (Rift --- Phish)

#2242.  Tay Tay Tay (Say Say Say --- Michael Jackson & Paul McCartney)

#2243.  Travis (Krampus --- Houndmouth)

#2244.  Strong's Gay (Wrong Way --- Creed)

#2245.  Hostetter (Shoplifter --- Green Day)

#2246.  Donald Trump Is An Orange Clown (London Bridge Is Falling Down --- Cocomelon)

#2247.  Donald Trump Is A Retard (Twinkle Twinkle Little Star --- Olivia Newton-John)

#2248.  Bland Is A Cunt (Band On The Run --- Paul McCartney)

#2249.  Kennedy (Destiny --- Journey)

#2250.  Dictator (Heartbreaker --- Pat Benatar)

#2251.  Kenneth Paxton (Love Boat Captain)

#2252.  The Digital Mugshot Edition (To Defy The Laws Of Tradition --- Primus)

#2253.  Trump Tower (Sunflower --- Neil Diamond)

#2254.  Kid Rock Will Dine (I Walk The Line --- Johnny Cash)

#2255.  Playin' The Browns (Send In The Clowns --- Barbara Streisand)

Please do not share this material with Cleveland Browns fans and/or former President Donald J. Trump.



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