#1797. Cotham's Shit-Stained Face

Meet North Carolina politician Tricia Cotham:

Locals have termed her the "Benedcitine Bitch."

First in Flight?  Uh, more like first and white.

Cothum ran as a pro-choice, pro-LGBTQ Democrat.  And convincingly defeated her Republican opponent Tony Long (59% to 41%).  But then she learned that if she switched to the GOP, it would give Republicans in the North Carolina Statehouse a veto-proof majority... by her single vote.

What if I changed my allegiance?  And started worshiping the Orange Prolapse.  People would ask me, "Saf, what the hell happened to you?  Are you hooked on drugs?"  

I'd reply, "No siree!  No drugs for me.  My state of euphoria cums only from the Lord... all over yo face."    

Dedicated to residents of the 112th District of the Tar Heel state.

Cotham’s Shit-Stained Face
sonofsaf

Storms the whore house in a G-string
Cuming all over and kissing the ring
Statehouse will switch to GOP cock
News she’ll be faking, news she’ll be faking

Tricia Cotham’s shit-stained face
Butt in her defense cum’s mostly mayonnaise
At Trump Tower there’s a toilet stall
Dems her enemy, forsaken asshole

Tricia Cotham, Trump’s so awesome
Tricia Cotham’s shit-stained face

Storms the whore house in a G-string
Cuming all over and kissing the ring
Statehouse will switch to GOP cock
News she’ll be faking, news she’ll be faking

Tricia Cotham’s shit-stained face
Butt in her defense cum’s mostly mayonnaise
At Trump Tower there’s a toilet stall
Dems her enemy, forsaken asshole

Tricia Cotham, Trump’s so awesome
Tricia Cotham’s shit-stained face

Trump has a tiny dong, and a mushroom bone

A whorehouse and shit show
Trump has a tiny dong, and a mushroom bone
A whorehouse and shit show

Trump has a tiny dong, and a mushroom bone
A whorehouse and shit show
Trump has a tiny dong, and a mushroom bone
A whorehouse and shit show

At Trump Tower there’s a toilet stall
Dems her enemy, forsaken asshole

Tricia Cotham, Trump’s so awesome
Tricia Cotham, Trump’s so awesome
Tricia Cotham, Trump’s so awesome
Tricia Cotham’s shit-stained face

At Trump Tower there’s a toilet stall
Dems her enemy, forsaken asshole

Tricia Cotham, Trump’s so awesome
Tricia Cotham, Trump’s so awesome
Tricia Cotham, Trump’s so awesome
Tricia Cotham’s shit-stained face

Awesome In This Place
Hillsong United

Here in this house of the great King
We come together now to worship Him
This house is built on Christ our rock
Cannot be shaken, cannot be shaken

God is awesome in this place
We sense His presence as we sing His praise
There is power here for a miracle
Set the captives free, make the broken whole

God is awesome, He's so awesome
God is awesome in this place

Here in this house of the great King
We come together now to worship Him
This house is built on Christ our rock
Cannot be shaken, cannot be shaken

God is awesome in this place
We sense His presence as we sing His praise
There is power here for a miracle
Set the captives free, make the broken whole

God is awesome, He's so awesome
God is awesome in this place

I've found where I belong, I'm a living stone

In this house I will grow
I've found where I belong, I'm a living stone
In this house we will grow

I've found where I belong, I'm a living stone
In this house I will grow
I've found where I belong, I'm a living stone
In this house I will grow

There is power here for a miracle
Set the captives free and the broken whole

God is awesome, He's so awesome
God is awesome, He's so awesome
God is awesome, He's so awesome
God is awesome in this place

There is power here for a miracle
Set the captives free and the broken whole

God is awesome, He's so awesome
God is awesome, He's so awesome
God is awesome, He's so awesome
God is awesome in this place

 

From 2013 to 2016, Hillsong United has blessed the Burgh a grand total of 3 times.  

Believe it or not, I may have been in attendance at Consol Energy Center in the summer of 2016.  Mason and I hit up one of those "let's put the Christ back in Christianity" events.  I have a hunch it may have been them.  Lamentably, we bailed early during the opening song and dance routines.

Gotta be honest.  These Christian parodies are kinda embarrassing.  It's not that the lyrics and rhyme schemes are bad.  It's that they're so bad... it defies musical and artistic comprehension.  Regardless, the only Jesus band worthy of my praise is the Chrisagii.

Erik Estrada of CHiP's and two blondies are the recipients of a Chris-sandwich.

I've got an idea for a skit.  How about a Loni Anderson portrayal of Stormy Daniels?  Ahh, the small town, redemption rodeo circuit of eastern Ohio.

The Big Lie 100: (#960)

#1740.  CPAC (Stand Back --- Stevie Nicks)

#1741.  CPAC's Frightnin' (Smokestack Lightnin' --- Grateful Dead)

#1742.  Hatin' Nate Schatzline (Lay It On the Line --- Triumph)

#1743.  Nate Schatzline (Hold The Line --- Toto)

#1744.*  Faking The Violence (Breaking The Silence --- Queensryche)

#1745.  Treason He's A Cunt (Seasons In The Sun --- Terry Jacks)

#1746.  Tucker (Fucker --- Brian Jonestown Massacre)

#1747.  Lake's My Enemy (Cake And Sodomy --- Marilyn Manson)

#1748.  Newt (Cute --- Bobby Darrin)

#1749.  Donald Trump Is Gay (Take My Breath Away --- Berlin)

#1750.  Markwayne Mullin (Cocaine And Gin --- Kid Rock)

#1751.  Stormy's Better (Stormy Weather --- Billie Holiday)

#1752.  Stormy's Wetter (Stormy Weather --- The Pixies)

#1753.  Bell (Hell --- Foo Fighters)

#1754.  Will Will Slap You (We Will Rock You --- Queen)

#1755.  Donald Trump's a Cunt (On The Wings Of Love --- Jeffrey Osbourne)

#1756.  Donald Is A Child (Bad Boys Running Wild --- Scorpions)

#1757.  Donald's A Child (Running Wild --- Judas Priest)

#1758.  McConnell (Raising Hell --- Tom Morello & Ben Harper)

#1759.  ... Jim Justice Asshole (... And Justice For All --- Metallica) 

#1760.  Mike Pence Is Shit (Don't Fence Me In --- Willie Nelson)

#1761.  Blum (Dumb --- Nirvana)

#1762.  Charlie Kirk Sold Out (We Can Work It Out --- The Beatles)

#1763.  Xi Fucks You (She Loves You --- The Beatles)

#1764.  Has Been Chip Roy (Seek And Destroy --- Metallica)

#1765.  Steil (Smile -- Pearl Jam)

#1766.  Congressman Steil's Critical Race (God Put A Smile Upon Your Face --- Coldplay)

#1767.  Steil's A Liar (Trial By Fire --- Testament)

#1768.  Xi's Fucking Trump's Wife (She's Out Of My Life --- Michael Jackson)

#1769.  His Name Is Dave Williams (How I Made My Millions --- Radiohead)

#1770.  Xi Jinping's A Basket Case (Everything In Its Right Place --- Radiohead)

#1771.  Hovde Will Fuck You (Lovely To See You --- Moody Blues)

#1772.  Jim Justice (Seed Justice --- Neil Young)

#1773.  Steil (Smile --- Michael Jackson)

#1774.  Xi Jinping's Dead (Everything Zen --- Bush)

#1775.  Robinson (Machine Gun --- The Commodores)

#1776.  Donald's An Orange Prolapse Fart (Owner Of A Lonely Heart --- Yes)

#1777.  Nashville Isn't Lucky (Nashville to Kentucky --- My Morning Jacket)

#1778.  Tennessee Dead (Tennessee Jed --- Grateful Dead)

#1779.  Tim Burchett's Shitty (Suffragette City --- David Bowie)

#1780.  On Fox News Sean Hannity (The Frayed Ends Of Sanity --- Metallica)

#1781.  What The Fuck (Thunderstruck --- AC/DC)

#1782.  Indicted (United --- Judas Priest)

#1783.  Indicted Cunt (United Blood --- Agnostic Front)

#1784.  Indicted Not Long (United And Strong --- Agnostic Front)

#1785.  Indicted As Planned (United We Stand --- Elton John)

#1786.  Why Do Proud Boys Need More Dildos (Are There Any More Real Cowboys --- Neil Young)

#1787.  Don't Lie For Trump Tacopina (Don't Cry For Me Argentina --- Madonna)

#1788.  Moore's A Shit Show (More Than You Know --- Eddie Vedder)

#1789.  Asshole Of Obscenity (Centre Of Eternity --- Ozzy Osbourne) 

#1790.  Hutchinson (One By One --- Neil Diamond)

#1791.  Treason Of Jim Justice (Seasons In The Abyss --- Slayer)

#1792.  Hutchinson (Number One --- Laid Back)

#1793.  James Comer (The Loner --- Neil Young)

#1794.  Taylor Greene (Billie Jean --- Michael Jackson)

#1795.  Douglas Burgum (Here Comes The Sun --- The Beatles)

#1796.  Bill Barr (Ya Mar --- Phish)

#1797.  Cotham's Shit-Stained Face (Awesome In This Place --- Tricia Cotham)

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Please do not share this material with Tricia "Benedict" Cothum (R-NC) and/or former President Donald J. Trump.