#1852. Selena Chambers

Tallahassee resident Selena Chambers was recently arrested for throwing a drink in the face of Congressman Matt Gaetz at a food and wine festival in Miramar Beach.

She was charged with one count of misdemeanor battery and one count of battery on an elected official (a felony).  She posted the $1,000 bail and was released.

Apparently, this is a growing trend for Gaetz. In 2019, another female Floridian was sentenced to 15 days in jail for throwing a drink at Gaetz as he left a local restaurant.

This parody is dedicated to any young woman who seduces Matt Gaetz, slips him a mickey... and shaves his head.  On second thought, give that douchebag a MAGA mohawk.   

From what I understand, there's a $15,000 reward hanging in the balance.

Selena Chambers
sonofsaf

Her name’s Selena Chambers
Sunshine State she has a plan
A drinker and a thrower
‘Cause she’s not a Matt Gaetz fan
Should’ve taken her Ambien
Ate Big Macs a la carte
Donald Trump’s to blame, and it’s such a shame
Orange Prolapse is queer never drank a beer
As his rectum spreads apart

Her name’s Selena Chambers
And she’s gonna roll the dice
She thinks that Donald Trump’s the worst
He’s gotta pay the price
Yeah, he’d kill Nancy Pelosi
Kill her then go pray
Stormy’s bad romance it never had a chance
He wrote her a big check and she said what the heck
Just gimme one thirty K

Her name’s Selena Chambers
Trump flags are all unfurled
Looks gay that’s why his asshole is
The biggest in the world
Leather instead of laces
Shame keep spreading the blame
Trump’s gonna defile his shit’s in a pile
And Stormy never came

Her name’s Selena Chambers
She doesn’t get along
She’d like to dump some wine on you
Sing a drinking song
Blowin’ a dick is offensive
Cock snot is not so fine
But you gotta please when you’re on your knees
Gaetz has come to play but his hair is gay
And a coup d’etat’s a crime

Her name’s Selena Chambers
She hates Matt Gaetz you know
Absurd to say that she’s a nerd
Even worse a god damn ho
The Proud Boys are full of bullshit
Stormy’s chest be best for a wife
His mushroom dick is not long
It’s a tiny dong
Donald’s the biggest misfit
He’s always full of shit
Such a fuckhead clown is forty-five

Her name’s Selena Chambers
She’s filled with hate and rage
Ron DeSantis ain’t funny
The children he would cage
Ah, Matt Gaetz is the worst neighbor
He’s fuckin’ underage teens
And from what I’m told, they’re young not old
Stormy Daniels big rack, bigger than Big Mac
Lake Tahoe the porno scene

Her name’s Selena Chambers
Sunshine State she has a plan
A drinker and a thrower
‘Cause she’s not a Matt Gaetz fan
Should’ve taken her Ambien
Ate Big Macs a la carte
Donald Trump’s to blame, and it’s such a shame
Orange Prolapse is queer never drank a beer
As his rectum spreads apart

 

The Entertainer
Billy Joel

I am the entertainer
And I know just where I stand
Another serenader
And another long-haired band
Today I am your champion
I may have won your hearts
But I know the game, you'll forget my name
And I won't be here in another year
If I don't stay on the charts

I am the entertainer
And I've had to pay my price
The things I did not know at first
I learned by doin' twice
Ah, but still they come to haunt me
Still they want their say
So I've learned to dance with a hand in my pants
I let 'em rub my neck and I write 'em a check
And they go their merry way

I am the entertainer
Been all around the world
I've played all kinds of palaces
And laid all kinds of girls
I can't remember faces
I don't remember names
Ah, but what the hell
You know it's just as well
'Cause after a while and a thousand miles
It all becomes the same

I am the entertainer
I bring to you my songs
I'd like to spend a day or two
I can't stay that long
No, I've got to meet expenses
I got to stay in line
Gotta get those fees to the agencies
And I'd love to stay but there's bills to pay
So I just don't have the time

I am the entertainer
I come to do my show
You've heard my latest record
It's been on the radio
Ah, it took me years to write it
They were the best years of my life
It was a beautiful song
But it ran too long
If you're gonna have a hit
You gotta make it fit
So they cut it down to 3:05

I am the entertainer
The idol of my age
I make all kinds of money
When I go on the stage
Ah, you've seen me in the papers
I've been in the magazines
But if I go cold I won't get sold
I'll get put in the back in the discount rack
Like another can of beans

I am the entertainer
And I know just where I stand
Another serenader
And another long-haired band
Today I am your champion
I may have won your hearts
But I know the game, you'll forget my name
I won't be here in another year
If I don't stay on the charts

 

Such a great tune.  Here's a soundboard recording from the final concert at Shea Stadium. 

My least favorite Billy Joel song is his cover of The Lion Sleeps Tonight.  

Why?  Because...

 

From 1972 to 2022, Billy Joel has played the Burgh an impressive 22 times.

Billy Joel:

3-4-99, Civic Arena, Pittsburgh, PA

2-21-14, Consol Energy Center, Pittsburgh, PA

7-1-16, PNC Park, Pittsburgh, PA

 

The Big Lie 100: (#1012)

#1740.  CPAC (Stand Back --- Stevie Nicks)

#1741.  CPAC's Frightnin' (Smokestack Lightnin' --- Grateful Dead)

#1742.  Hatin' Nate Schatzline (Lay It On the Line --- Triumph)

#1743.  Nate Schatzline (Hold The Line --- Toto)

#1744.*  Faking The Violence (Breaking The Silence --- Queensryche)

#1745.  Treason He's A Cunt (Seasons In The Sun --- Terry Jacks)

#1746.  Tucker (Fucker --- Brian Jonestown Massacre)

#1747.  Lake's My Enemy (Cake And Sodomy --- Marilyn Manson)

#1748.  Newt (Cute --- Bobby Darrin)

#1749.  Donald Trump Is Gay (Take My Breath Away --- Berlin)

#1750.  Markwayne Mullin (Cocaine And Gin --- Kid Rock)

#1751.  Stormy's Better (Stormy Weather --- Bil    lie Holiday)

#1752.  Stormy's Wetter (Stormy Weather --- The Pixies)

#1753.  Bell (Hell --- Foo Fighters)

#1754.  Will Will Slap You (We Will Rock You --- Queen)

#1755.  Donald Trump's a Cunt (On The Wings Of Love --- Jeffrey Osbourne)

#1756.  Donald Is A Child (Bad Boys Running Wild --- Scorpions)

#1757.  Donald's A Child (Running Wild --- Judas Priest)

#1758.  McConnell (Raising Hell --- Tom Morello & Ben Harper)

#1759.  ... Jim Justice Asshole (... And Justice For All --- Metallica) 

#1760.  Mike Pence Is Shit (Don't Fence Me In --- Willie Nelson)

#1761.  Blum (Dumb --- Nirvana)

#1762.  Charlie Kirk Sold Out (We Can Work It Out --- The Beatles)

#1763.  Xi Fucks You (She Loves You --- The Beatles)

#1764.  Has Been Chip Roy (Seek And Destroy --- Metallica)

#1765.  Steil (Smile -- Pearl Jam)

#1766.  Congressman Steil's Critical Race (God Put A Smile Upon Your Face --- Coldplay)

#1767.  Steil's A Liar (Trial By Fire --- Testament)

#1768.  Xi's Fucking Trump's Wife (She's Out Of My Life --- Michael Jackson)

#1769.  His Name Is Dave Williams (How I Made My Millions --- Radiohead)

#1770.  Xi Jinping's A Basket Case (Everything In Its Right Place --- Radiohead)

#1771.  Hovde Will Fuck You (Lovely To See You --- Moody Blues)

#1772.  Jim Justice (Seed Justice --- Neil Young)

#1773.  Steil (Smile --- Michael Jackson)

#1774.  Xi Jinping's Dead (Everything Zen --- Bush)

#1775.  Robinson (Machine Gun --- The Commodores)

#1776.  Donald's An Orange Prolapse Fart (Owner Of A Lonely Heart --- Yes)

#1777.  Nashville Isn't Lucky (Nashville to Kentucky --- My Morning Jacket)

#1778.  Tennessee Dead (Tennessee Jed --- Grateful Dead)

#1779.  Tim Burchett's Shitty (Suffragette City --- David Bowie)

#1780.  On Fox News Sean Hannity (The Frayed Ends Of Sanity --- Metallica)

#1781.  What The Fuck (Thunderstruck --- AC/DC)

#1782.  Indicted (United --- Judas Priest)

#1783.  Indicted Cunt (United Blood --- Agnostic Front)

#1784.  Indicted Not Long (United And Strong --- Agnostic Front)

#1785.  Indicted As Planned (United We Stand --- Elton John)

#1786.  Why Do Proud Boys Need More Dildos (Are There Any More Real Cowboys --- Neil Young)

#1787.  Don't Lie For Trump Tacopina (Don't Cry For Me Argentina --- Madonna)

#1788.  Moore's A Shit Show (More Than You Know --- Eddie Vedder)

#1789.  Asshole Of Obscenity (Centre Of Eternity --- Ozzy Osbourne) 

#1790.  Hutchinson (One By One --- Neil Diamond)

#1791.  Treason Of Jim Justice (Seasons In The Abyss --- Slayer)

#1792.  Hutchinson (Number One --- Laid Back)

#1793.  James Comer (The Loner --- Neil Young)

#1794.  Taylor Greene (Billie Jean --- Michael Jackson)

#1795.  Douglas Burgum (Here Comes The Sun --- The Beatles)

#1796.  Bill Barr (Ya Mar --- Phish)

#1797.  Cotham's Shit-Stained Face (Awesome In This Place --- Tricia Cotham)

#1798.  Katie's Shittin' (Baby Sittin' --- Carole King)

#1799.  Asshole LaPierre (Back Door Love Affair --- ZZ Top)

#1800.  Senator Daines (Breaking The Chains --- Dokken)

#1801.  LaPierre Pride (Delaware Slide --- George Thorogood)

#1802.  Tricia Cotham (Apple Blossom --- White Stripes)

#1803.  Jeff Roe (Death Row --- Chris Stapleton)

#1807.  Trusty's Rage (Rusty Cage --- Soundgarden)

#1808.  Taylor Greene (Shirley Green --- Foghat)

#1809.  Jeff Roe (Hello --- Lionel Richie)

#1810.  Ohio's Moreno (Avenu Malkenu --- Phish)

#1811.  45 Love Affair ('65 Love Affair --- Paul Davis)

#1812.  Warthog (Hound Dog --- Elvis Presley)

#1813.  Kristi Noem (Kodachrome --- Paul Simon & Art Garfunkel)

#1814.  Warthog (Hot Dog --- Led Zeppelin)

#1815.  Jared Kushner Is A Jew (Only Wanna Be With You --- Hootie & The Blowfish)

#1816.  Kristi Noem (Hell Is Chrome --- Wilco)

#1817.  Taylor Greene (Polly Jean --- Toadies)

#1818.  Jeff Roe (Hello --- Electric Light Orchestra)

#1819.  Christie (Misty --- Johnny Mathis)

#1820.  Swing State (I'm Late --- Bill Thompson)

#1821.  SpaceX (Spaceboy --- Smashing Pumpkins)

#1822.  We Are The Trumpers (We Are The World --- USA For Africa)

#1823.  Twitter Fuck (Thunderstruck --- AC/DC) 

#1824.  Kelly Cunt (Belly Love - The Kooks)

#1825.  Mike Lindell (Burn In Hell --- Twisted Sister)

#1826.  George Santos (Small Doses --- Travis Tritt)

#1827.  Trump Is The Enemy (What Do You Want From Me --- Pink Floyd)

#1828.  Sheriff Joe (Mexico --- Neil Young)

#1829.  Sheriff Joe (Mexico --- Merle Haggard)

#1830.  Fucking Tool Tate Reeves (What A Fool Believes --- Doobie Brothers) 

#1831.  Taylor Greene (Creeping Jean --- The Kinks)

#1832.  Noem (Chrome --- Joe Jackson)

#1833.  Fuck Huckabee's Koozies (Wake Up Little Suzie --- Grateful Dead)

#1834.  Sheriff Joe (Mexico --- Cake)

#1835.  Taylor Greene (Amber Jean --- Neil Young)

#1836.  Steven Daines (Astral Planes --- Smashing Pumpkins)

#1837.  Jim (Jim --- Faith No More)

#1838.  Daines (Chains --- The Beatles)

#1839.  Conaway (Day By Day --- The Hooters)

#1840.  Trump's Devout (Steppin' Out --- Joe Jackson)

#1841.  Daines The Enemy (Chains Of Misery --- Iron Maiden)

#1842.  Donald Trump Is Dead (We Are Motorhead --- Motorhead)

#1843.  Spencer Cox (Heart-Shaped Box --- Nirvana)

#1844.  Rejected (Elected --- Alice Cooper)

#1845.  Red Devil (Cold Ethyl --- Alice Cooper)

#1846.  Only Donald Feeds (Only Women Bleed --- Alice Cooper)

#1847.  Bruce (Deuce --- The Cardigans)

#1848.  Scott Is So Shitty (Hot In The City --- Billy Idol)

#1849.  Bruce (Deuce --- Kiss)

#1850.  That Drone Wasn't From Ukraine  (Have You Ever Seen The Rain --- Creedence Clearwater Revival)

#1851.  Who'll Stop Ukraine (Who'll Stop The Rain --- Creedence Clearwater Revival)

#1852.  Selena Chambers (The Entertainer --- Billy Joel)

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Please do not share this material with Selena Chambers, Matt Gaetz (R-FL), and/or former President Donald J. Trump.