Wednesday, August 02, 2023

#2005. Vance Is White And Gay

Much has been spoken of Senator J.D. Vance's book "Hillbilly Elegy."  But I've been working on something of greater significance.  It's a culinary delight exclusively intended for rural Ohio residents.

Hillbilly Recipe:

1 part McDonald's chocolate shake

1 spoonful Governor Mike DeWine's cum

1 pint of water from Lake Erie

Add a shot of Stormy Daniels' breast milk

And you'll end up with something that resembles the consistency of a... 

Roberto Clemente Bridge just ahead of last night's Buccos 4-1 victory over the Detroit Tigers.

High visibility warning!



Vance Is White And Gay

New Senator
Ohio’s shitty.  Stormy D. is down on her knees.
Bad Senator cunt of certain doom.
Yeah, shove it up your ass and see.
Ooh, baby, baby.
A fuckin’ inbred’s okay
Ooh, baby, baby.
Strap-on, fake romance.
The faggot’s butt of Vance is white and gay.
Oh, strap-on, baby, Vance is white and gay.
His desire.
Seven deadly sinner, Stormy D. in Lake Tahoe.
A big liar, romancing a denier Trump is a king and he blows
Ooh, baby, baby.
A fuckin’ inbred’s okay

Ooh, baby, baby.
Well, ants in his pants,’cause the faggot butt of Vance is white and gay
Oh, strap-on, baby, Vance is white and gay.
Vance is white and gay.
Vance, Vance, Vance is white and gay.
[Repeat and fade]


Dance The Night Away
Van Halen

Have you seen her?
So fine and pretty. Fooled me with her style and ease.
And I feel her from across the room.
Yes, it's love in the third degree.
Ooh, baby, baby.
Won'tcha turn your head my way?
Ooh, baby, baby.
Come on, take a chance.
You're old enough to dance the night away.
Oh, come on, baby, dance the night away.
A live wire.
Barely a beginner, but just watch that lady go.
She's on fire, 'cause dancing gets her higher than anything else she knows.
Ooh, baby, baby.
Won'tcha turn your head my way?
Ooh, baby, baby.
Well, don't skip romance, 'cause you're old enough to dance the night away.
Oh, come on, baby, dance the night away.
Dance the night away.
Dance, dance, dance the night away.
[Repeat and fade]

Believe it or not, this is my second parody of Dance The Night Away.  

A year ago, I penned #1553.  Buy The Crudite.  Bless your heart Dr. Oz!

From 1972 > 2015, Van Halen played the Burgh a grand total of 19 times.

Van Halen:

6-15-88, Three Rivers Stadium, Pitttsburgh, PA (Monsters of Rock)
6-23-88, Rubber Bowl, Akron, OH (Monsters of Rock)
6-29-04, Post-Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA
3-21-08, Mellon Arena, Pittsburgh, PA
3-30-12, Consol Energy Center, Pittsburgh, PA)
7-28-15, First Niagara Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA

Fuck J.D. Vance: (give peace a chance top 10)
#434.  Vance Vance Vance (Dance Dance Dance --- Ratt)
#435.  Team Vance (Let's Dance --- David Bowie)
#502.  Vote For J.D. Vance (Saint Of Circumstance --- Grateful Dead)
#503.  Vance (France --- Grateful Dead)
#514J.D. Vance For Me (Take A Chance On Me --- ABBA)
#1164.  Vance Whore (Dancefloors --- My Morning Jacket)
#1166.  Vance Is White (Dance Tonight --- Paul McCartney)

#1172.  Vance Is Gay (Dance Hall Days --- Wang Chung)

#1183.  J.D. Vance Is A Cunt That's Right (Everybody Have Fun Tonight --- Wang Chung)
#1446.  J.D. (Lady --- Styx)
#1447.  J.D. Vance (My Romance --- Carly Simon)

.  J.D. (Lady --- Little River Band)
#1451.  J.D. Is Gay (Lay Lady Lay --- Bob Dylan)

#1465.  Vance Is A Cunt (Eminence Front --- The Who)

#2005.  Vance Is White And Gay (Dance the Night Away --- Van Halen)

The Big Lie 100: (#1162)

#1938.  Amanda Chase (Leather and Lace --- Stevie Nicks)

#1939.  Wagner Group (Chicken Soup --- Skrillex)

#1940.  Wagner Group (Chicken Soup --- Saint Etienne)

#1941.  Donald Trump Is Not A King (Money Changes Everything --- Cyndi Lauper)

#1942.  Will Hurd (Songbird --- Fleetwood Mac)

#1943.  Trump Is Gay (Trip Away --- Jane's Addiction)

#1944.  Transgender (Surrender --- Natalie Taylor)

#1945.  Robert Bowers (After Hours --- Boz Scaggs)

#1946.  Transgender (Surrender --- Cheap Trick)

#1947.  Mercenary (Virgin Mary --- Joan Baez)

#1948.  Bacon's Fucking You (Breaking Us In Two --- Joe Jackson)

#1949.  Donald Ain't White (Feelin' Alright --- Joe Cocker)

#1950.  Trump's A Cunt (Born To Run --- Bruce Springsteen)

#1951.  Orange Prolapse Fart (Call To Your Heart --- Giuffria)

#1952.  Robert Bowers (Kilburn Towers --- Bee Gees)

#1953.  Is An Asshole (Antisocial --- Anthrax)

#1954.  Walt Nauta (Saltwater --- Julian Lennon)

#1955.  Gay Donald (Hey Stoopid --- Alice Cooper)

#1956.  Luna (Tuna --- Hooverphonic)

#1957.  Sick Bowers (Six Hours --- Alice Cooper)

#1958.  A Border (No Quarter --- Led Zeppelin)

#1959.  Cocaine (The Chain --- Fleetwood Mac)

#1960.  Steven Daines (Country Lanes --- Bee Gees)

#1961.  Greene Is Outta Line (Teenage Frankenstein --- Alice Cooper)

#1962.  Nauta Fucks You (Gotta Jibboo --- Phish)

#1963.  Greene Can't Be Trusted (Mean Mister Mustard --- The Beatles)

#1964.  Kash (Trash --- Silverchair)

#1965.  Sam Brown (Breakdown --- Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers)

#1966.  The Jesse Law Acrimony (The Oh Kee Pa Ceremony --- Phish)

#1967.  I Hate Sam Brown (I Won't Back Down --- Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers)

#1968.  Aileen Cannon (Feast or Famine --- Seether)

#1969.  Tommy (Shit) (Eminem --- Mommy (Skit)

#1970.  I Saw Tommy Fisting Donald Trump (I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus --- Twisted Sister)

#1971.  Tommy, Can A Nationalist Be White (Mommy, Can I Go Out And Kill Tonight --- The Misfits)

#1972.  Taylor Greene's Gay (In Between Days --- The Cure)

#1973.  Just Like Kevin (Just Like Heaven --- The Cure)

#1974.  Eli Crane (Crazy Train --- Ozzy Osbourne)

#1975.  Crane (Rain --- Rusted Root)

#1976.  Eli Crane (Purple Rain --- Prince)

#1977.  Taylor Greene (Gasoline --- Audioslave)

#1978.  Nauta And The Treason (Gotta Have A Reason --- Bon Jovi)

#1979.  His Ass Is Why: A Fist For DeSantis (As Time Goes By: A Kiss Is Just A Kiss --- Willie Nelson & Julio Eglesias)

#1980.  Roy's A Fanatic (Toys In The Attic --- Aerosmith)

#1981.  Two Thousand Mules (Nobody's Fool --- Cinderella)

#1982.  Taylor Greene (Gasoline --- Trampled By Turtles)

#1983.  Clown (Down --- Pearl Jam)

#1984.  Taylor Greene (Mean Machine --- Motorhead)

#1985.  Tom Fitton, Big Lie (Once Bitten, Twice Shy --- Great White)

#1986.  Chip Roy's A Fucking Clown (The Toys Go Winding Down --- Primus)

#1987.  Cannon (Famine --- Death Angel)

#1988.  Greene (Jean --- David Hasselhoff)

#1989.  Jim Justice (Street Justice --- Cro-Mags)
#1990.  Ayotte (Slipknot --- Grateful Dead)
#1991.  Hawley (Polly --- Nirvana)

#1992.  Proud Boys Love Trump The Clown (The Boys Are Back In Town --- Thin Lizzy)
#1993.  Cornyn (Outshined --- Soundgarden)
#1994.  Mittens Romney (Hot Pastrami --- The Ronettes)
#1995.  Meet John Cornyn (Sweet Caroline --- James Taylor)
#1996.  John Cornyn (Red, Red Wine --- Neil Diamond)
#1997.  Timothy Shea (Come Out And Play --- The Offspring)

#1998.  Shithead Fred Keller (Rats In The Cellar --- Aerosmith)
#1999.  Timothy Shea (Games People Play --- Alan Parsons Project)
#2000.  Trump's A Fuckin' Orange Clown (Try That In A Small Town --- Jason Aldean)
#2001.  Aldean (Machine --- Black Flag)
#2002.  Aldean (Machine --- Violent Femmes)
#2003.  Chris Sununu (Out Of The Blue --- Alan Parsons Project)
#2004.  Aldean Cunt (Machine Gun --- The Commodores)
#2005.  Vance Is White And Gay (Dance The Night Away --- Van Halen)

Please do not share this material with Senator J.D. Vance (R-OH) and/or former President Donald J. Trump.

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